Jair Jurrjens Is Our Fahza

Jair Jurrjens threw a complete game last night holding the Padres to 2 runs in a speedy 2 hours and 14 minutes.

It wasn't pretty for the Padres. Aaron Harang gave up two HRs to David Ross. David Ross? Those are the only two words you need to know things were bad.

I've seen quite a few home runs by the opposition in the 5 games I've attended this season and they have been predominately hit by no-namers. PETCO is supposed to be tough on all hitters let alone those who suck. I guess David Ross and Brian Schneider didn't get the memo.

Back to Jurrjens. Jair Jurrjens is from Curacao an island in the Caribbean Sea and part of The Dutch Antilles. Because Jurrjens is from a Dutch speaking property of the Netherlands I always recall the film, Austin Powers in Goldmember, when it's his turn to take the hill against the Padres.

Why? Because quite possibly one of the greatest lines ever captured on film was delivered by Michael Caine as the character Nigel Powers:

"There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch."

I laugh every time I think of that quote. And quoting Goldmember is apropos after last night's debacle... Jair Jurrjens was definitely the Padres' fahza.

Nonsensical Easter Magic Trumps Game's Best Pitcher

I made the suggestion that because it is Easter, a celebration of Christ's resurrection, it was also a day that the Padres' offense could rise from the dead. This seems implausible on account of three damning factors:

1. The Padres' offense, really, really, really, stinks.
2. Defending NL Cy Young winner Roy Halladay is on the hill for the Phillies.
3. Apparently the Padres are unable to defeat the Phillies (10 in-a-row) in PETCO park.

 Despite my use of imagery being semi-sacrilegious I think the Padres can rise against the odds precisely because it makes no sense at all. Baseball often makes little sense. Defeating Roy Halladay makes little sense. Therefore the Padres will do something that makes little sense. They'll win.

Craig Elsten of 619 Sports laughed at my assertion suggesting that no amount of Easter Magic could help the Padres. He's probably right.

Nevertheless I've written the headline for a Padres win.*

* Of course this headline can be easily altered with a loss at the hands of the Phills, today: Game's Best Pitcher Trumps Nonsensical Easter Magic

I don't believe in bad omens, I just believe in Heath Bell

Last night Heath Bell converted his 37th consecutive save (Via Corey Brock) opportunity. On a team that produces so few runs it is comforting to know that leads are often held by the back end (Gregerson, Adams, Bell) of the Padres' bullpen.

Do you know who Heath Bell's  last blown save was against? Of course you don't.

Heater's streak began on May 29th, 2010 at Petco Park against the Nationals but to find Bell's last blown save we need to look back to three days earlier (May 26th). Entering the 9th inning the Padres held a slim lead (1-0) against the Cardinals where upon Heath Bell gave up the game tying run after striking out the first two batters in the 9th.

After Skip Schumaker doubled... wait... do you even need to guess who hit the RBI single to tie the game? Go ahead, guess...

That's right, Ryan Ludwick. You get a slap in the face!

The guy who can barely keep his average above .100 was the last guy to deny Heath Bell a save. How painful. So, in a cruel but ironic twist, was it Ryan Ludwick who cost us a spot in the playoffs? The answer is no. The Padres went on to win the game 2-1 in the 13th inning after a Jerry Hairston walk-off HR.

So when was the last time Heath Bell blew a save that actually cost the Padres a win? You have to go back to May 9th when Bell blew his second game of the season and the Padres ultimately lost in extra innings by a  score of 4-3.

I remember the game vividly. Seriously, I do. I cling to this game as the Padres' playoff deal breaker in 2010. Bell came on to hold the lead in the 9th and it quickly evaporated when an easy ground ball was fielded by Padres shortstop Jerry Hairston, and then airmailed into the bleachers. It was a heartbreaking loss that should have completed a 3 game sweep.

Who were we playing? Oh, sorry.

The last blown save resulting in a Padres loss was at Minute Maid Park... against the Houston Astros.

I don't believe this is an omen. I believe in Heath bell.

The Ludwick Belt: like the Mendoza Line, only worse

The Padres lost to the Reds 8-2 in 11 innings after completely blowing opportunities in the 9th and 10th. Chase Headley left 5 runners on base. I find this failure to be horrific. But I'm not here to talk about the Savior.

Ryan Ludwick, who is the Padres' second highest paid player right now behind Heath Bell, left 4 runners on base while watching his average plummet to .094. Typing the numbers .094 looks... otherworldly.

When the universal signature for ineptitude is designated by a phrase called, The Mendoza Line (.200 AVG), and you're hitting a solid .106 points below that... things have officially gone to hell in a hand basket.

I don't want Ryan Ludwick to finish the season hitting .100 but if he does then I'm lobbying for the .100 AVG to be forever referred to as... The Ludwick Belt.

Such feats of ineptitude must be acknowledged by a suitable branding for posterity.

Lost In The Shuffle: The Tim Lincecum Performance

Yesterday was tough.

Sadly, PETCO was filled to the gills with people wearing overtly offensive head-wear. The day was made worse when the Padres lost to the Giants by a final score of 8-4.

The Friars actually brought the tying run to the plate in the 9th, anticlimactically, in the form of back-up catcher Rob Johnson. If only Nick Hundley hadn't been lifted when the game was a laugher.

We all know the game wasn't as close as the score indicated. Tim Lincecum was on the bump.

It's difficult to watch greatness in action at the expense of the team you're cheering for but that's what we witnessed yesterday. Lincecum was dialed in. The Padres offense is nothing to write home about but watching The Freak's strikeout video footage it was pretty evident that he would not be denied on a dreary Wednesday afternoon. Of course Nick Hundley disagrees with my assessment.

So yeah! I saw a great pitcher pitch a great game. I can cross Tim Lincecum off my baseball bucket list.

// For the love of God... in two weeks the Padres get Halladay and Lee.

The Gwynn Opener: A Requirement For Fans

About a month ago I unpinned the wall calendar and set it on the table.

The time had come to map out the opening week of the baseball season which coincided fortuitously with my vacation.

I told the Mrs. that I wanted Opening Day against the Giants on April 5th but that of equal importance was the second home game the next day.

I didn't explain the importance of that second game. But in so many ways, it was far more important than the home opener. You see, this was The Gwynn Opener.


According to Gwynn the home opener was always a blast. The pomp and circumstance, the sellout crowd, the bunting. I mean, who doesn't love red white and blue bunting? Tony loved it. But he said it was not his favorite of days. Tony Gwynn loved the day after the opener.

I tried to search out an exact quote from Gwynn on this matter and sure enough it was referenced by none other than Tom Krasovic, today on his blog. While covering the game Kras came across #19 on his way to the broadcast booth. Kras writes:

The day after the Padres' home opener typically was Tony Gwynn's favorite day of the baseball year, so it was only appropriate that Mr. Padre walked into Petco Park on Wednesday afternoon, smile on face one day after San Diego sold out and won its home opener.

"This is my day, yeah, ha, ha, ha," he said. "You find out who's who. Sellout crowd yesterday, so we'll find out today who the real fans are."

Perhaps it is a bit harsh to say those who don't show-up the day after Opening Day aren't real fans. But I get the sentiment that Tony expressed, and if you were at today's game you would too.

As a Padre fan, today was an embarrassment. I knew it would be. There was black and there was orange. The cacophony of endless Giants chants coupled with an ambush of Padres starter Tim Stauffer conspired to beat me into submission. Today at PETCO was not dissimilar to the general disrespect that accompanies an unwanted house guest. Feet up on the table, loud.

Perhaps the unwanted house guest syndrome wouldn't be an issue if Padre fans chose to adhere to The Gwynn Opener as part of their opening week rituals.

It's difficult to make binding promises years in advance but I will make it a goal to always attend the Padres' home opener because it is a meaningful symbol of renewal each spring.

And even more importantly I will make the effort to attend The Gwynn Opener. I will attend as a show of respect to the greatest Padre of them all... but to also keep the riffraff at bay. I don't like the feet of house guests propped up on my furniture. And I certainly don't like orange.

Preview: Giants' defense, Brandon Belt, and the true contents of Brian Wilson's beard

The San Francisco Giants blog Splashing Pumpkins contacted me about doing a preview to the first series of 2011 between the Padres and Giants.  These teams battled all the way to game number 162 last year... how could I say no.

You may be asking, "What does our enemy need to know and, GOOD GOD, what did you tell them?!!!"

Calm down! Get a hold of yourself...


In summation, the inquiries revolved around pitching and the expectations for Cameron Maybin. But perhaps the most important question dealt with the wager that evolved between RJ's Fro and Splashing Pumpkins after the Mat Latos #balls fiasco.

The answers to these questions can be found at Splashing Pumpkins.

I also had three questions for Splashing Pumpkins. These are the questions that must be answered if the Padres are to get off on the right foot against the World Champs:

1. Everyone knows the Giants rotation is phenomenal but is the defense up to the task?

 Well, from what I saw in the Giants' opening series, I can't say the defense is up to task. That said, it's certainly got the potential to be an above-average defense, and I imagine it will be for most of the season. Andres Torres is one of the best defensive outfielders in the game, so when he's surrounded by Nate Schierholtz, Cody Ross -- and even Aubrey Huff in LF -- the Giants' outfield defense is more than adequate. Freddy Sanchez is aging, but I think he still carries a plus glove at 2B, and the Giants' infield corners (Sandoval with improved range, and Belt) and catcher -- Buster Posey -- are all pretty much up to task. The only big hole is at short, where Miguel Tejada completely lacks range. Given that the Giants don't induce groundballs at a high rate in general, I'm not too concerned about Tejada. So yes, they're up to task in general. But they haven't been playing like it...

2. Now that the Giants have committed to starting the season with him, will Brandon Belt have an impact similar to Buster Posey in 2011?

 Most certainly. Belt is the real deal, from what I've seen thus far. His biggest asset -- in my mind -- is his plate discipline. I think he'll be able to work walks at a high rate, as well as see a lot of pitches. That, in addition to his power to all sides of the fields, his ability to hit for average, and his plus glove at first, represents a very useful player. I definitely expect him to have a similar impact to that which Posey had as a rookie.

3. Do ninjas and traditional Irish dance girls really live in Brian Wilson's beard or do you suspect it to be some other form of magic?

Brian Wilson's beard is still a mystery to me. I'm sure some mythical creature or whatnot lives in there. Whatever it is, you should definitely fear it. This video might be helpful.

I found the answer to question #3 to be outstanding. Mostly because I haven't been watching ESPN at all these days and this was my first time viewing it. I also choose to believe it is the truth.

Thanks to Splashing Pumpkins for the Intel.

Team/Fan Culture: Buck-O-Nine's My Town

Over on Twitter we were talking about all of the crappy songs that have been co-opted by teams and how the Padres could use an original tune, identifiable with San Diego. 

We give you Buck-O-Nine's My Town. A song, fittingly, about our town: San Diego.

What say you?!

Padres: San Diego Soundgarden

The Padres are up 2-0 on the Cardinals and they go for the sweep today. For those adept at math you are aware that a loss puts the Padres at a .666 winning percentage which, extrapolated over a 162 game schedule, almost always results in a playoff birth. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way...

The purpose of this post was to float some links your way on some of the great sound heard this week. Despite Scott and BR covering an extensive week of god only knows what, there were some great podcasts over at XX.But we'll start it off with Craig Elsten and Tom Krasovic previewing the 2011 Padres at 619 Sports...
619 Sports
Craig gets it started with former UT beat writer Tom Krasovic in a Padres season preview [Thursday 3/31]

Darren Smith
Darren is the gold standard at XX1090 when it comes to covering the Padres. I need not say more.
Tim Stauffer [Monday 3/28]
Corey Brock [Monday 3/28]
Jon Heyman [Tuesday 3/29]
Adrian Gonzalez [Wednesday 3/30]
Jed Hoyer [Wednesday 3/30]
Pedro Gomez [Wednesday 3/30]
Tim Kurkjian [Friday 4/1]
Cameron Maybin [Friday 4/1]
Tim Flannery [Friday 4/1]

Coach Kenterra
Coach had a few others as well but based on where we are today this is the only one of value.

Aaron Harang  [Monday 3/28]

Hacksaw
Bob Scanlan [Tuesday 3/29]
Andrew Baggarly (San Francisco Giants beat writer.... Know thy enemy!) [Tuesday 3/29]
Mark Grant [Wednesday 3/30]
Matt Vasgersian [Thursday 3/31]

Scott and BR
These guys annoy me to no end as they are uninformed about the sports world and mail it in nearly every day. But during opening week even they managed to get some timely guests.
Bud Black [Tuesday 3/29]
Jeff Moorad [Thursday 3/31]
Ted Leitner [Thursday 3/31]
Brad Hawpe [Thursday 3/31]
Trevor Hoffman [Friday 3/1]

I've listened to most, with a few more to go. If nothing else I have a nice compartment to visit if I want to listen to the rest.

Happy broom day.