Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy New Year Padres Fans

After a thrilling 2010, the Padres fell back to earth in 2011. It was painful. But the pain was assuaged by my ability to vent, when needed, right here on this blog. And you listened. All eleven of you. And I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Writing about the woes has allowed me to keep some semblance of sanity.

I'm happy for the opportunity to have gotten to know so many of you this year. I look forward to an exciting 2012 as we comfort each other through the difficulty of a rebuilding year.

Happy New Year.

~AJM

The "You Don't Know Jack!" Year In Review: Top Fives, Top Tens, Top Elevens

The posts that get the most traffic usually aren't the best written. They tend to be hot button topics or stories with a more national appeal. It's lame.  I look at the Google Analytics which provides the statistical breakdown of what people are viewing and I'm often left with a one word question: "Why?"

The following is a list of eleven posts which I felt were crafted. They were creative pieces. Some imaginary. Some exaggerated. Some that required research. But at their core, all were painstakingly crafted. Which is what writers do.

I enjoyed writing each of these and I sincerely hope that you enjoyed reading them. If you missed one give it a go. Thanks.


A Terrible Trevor Hoffman Fan [January 13th, 2011]
Trevor Hoffman's retirement put me in a state of reflection. I thought about his time as a Padre. Ultimately I realized that I needed Trevor to retire before I could fully appreciate him.

FDR and the Pacific Coast League's San Diego Padres [January 28th 2011]
I wrote this for RJ's Fro and it was inspired by the research of Bill Swank, the PCL Padre guru. I think I built slightly on Swank's work by giving a little more context to the time period in which the Padres arrived in San Diego.

The PCL Padres: The Birth of an Interleague Rivalry [February 11th, 2011]
This was my favorite piece of the year, also posted at RJ's Fro. The definitive guide to understanding the epic rivalry between the San Diego Padres and the Seattle Mariners.

Why The Mat Latos Hullabaloo Is A Good Thing [February 16th, 2011]
The Mat Latos #balls saga. I loved the passion Latos showed in his time as a Padre. We'd do well to have more players who care.

The PCL Padres: What's in a Name? [February 18th. 2011]
Another post in the PCL series over at RJ's Fro. The Padres were almost the . . .

The Gwynn Opener: A Requirement For Fans [April 7th, 2011]
I made it a point to not only get to the home opener but, directed by the sage words of Tony Gwynn, to make it to game number two as well. It was painful. And worth it.

F&^% you Vill Wenable [July 8th, 2011]
This is probably the post AJM is most associated with. I drank a few beers. Hit "caps lock". And absolutely melted down after Will Venable struck out with the bases loaded in Chavez Ravine.

Orlando Hudson and I Know How To Laugh At Work [July 27th, 2011]
It's not fun to dislike players who play for the home nine. Unfortunately Orlando Hudson made it easy. Good to see he's on the roster in '12.

Padres, Green Tea, and Misunderstandings [October 5th, 2011]
Battling a lengthy virus, a Padre fan is led to Starbucks in search of green tea.

Games For The Weary: Padre-Punch [December 9th, 2011]
 If you stare into a crowd at Disneyland long enough, strange ideas are without bounds.

Avenger-In-Chief on Joe Randa [December 23rd 2011]
Researching a Joe Randa baseball card for Friars on Cardboard . . . exponentially more fun than watching grown men fawn over Brian Wilson and his idiotic beard during Padres/Giants series at PETCO Park. And that's saying something.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Media Commentary: A Major Award --The 2011 Homage to Suck

As of this writing Lee "Hacksaw" Hamilton of XX1090 holds a modest lead over the Union Tribune's Don Norcross for the worst piece of writing in 2011. Nick Canepa is in dead last* with 12% of the vote.
*Remember, coming in last place is a good thing in this competition. Although it still doesn't say much.

Who did I vote for? If you guessed Nick Canepa then you know AJM like the back of your hand.

This competition was difficult. While over 180 people viewed the post only 50 saw themselves fit to cast a vote. I respect that. If you're not a regular reader I was asking quite a bit of you to go review the work of these writers.* I appreciate you abstaining from the vote if you felt you didn't have the time to read their columns. Your exercise of caution is an admirable trait, a trait we we would do well to donate to our three nominees.

*Hacksaw is not a writer. He wrote something. There is a distinction.

But did I unduly influence you with how I worded the contestants' entries in the poll? Canepa's was the most innocuous. Norcross less so. But if someone wanted to vote without reading then a vote for Hacksaw would have been reasonable based on my unflattering remark about his attempt at writing.* Hacksaw's piece was also fresh on our minds. He was FJM'd the other day and, well he's Hacksaw.

*Lee Hacksaw Hamilton Throws-Up on Paper. And then Pushes Submit.

I went back and reread Nick Canepa's piece. I don't think people are giving Nick the proper credit for writing a truly poor column. It was bad.* So I voted for Nick. Primarily because he's been a newspaper man at the UT since the 60s. Maybe that's the problem. Never the less, I hold him to a higher standard than Hacksaw. Hacksaw isn't a writer. He's a talking head. And a muckraker. But he's no writer. In my eyes this honor belonged to Canepa, the pro.

*When I say "bad" I'm thinking Steven Segal post Hard To Kill. I bought Segal's pony-tail up until this point. I willed myself to believe that a guy with a pony-tail could be that bad-ass. It didn't hurt that he looked 6'5". And that he always did that move where he broke a guy's arm at the elbow. After Hard to Kill I stopped believing. In summation: Nick Canepa's effort was as bad as Steven Segal's pony tail, post-Hard To Kill, but most definitely not pre-Hard To Kill.

The funny thing. I knew Hacksaw would take the title. For one simple reason: he's a polarizing figure. We already knew this but here's further proof. In a span of 24 hours the FJM piece I wrote about Hacksaw became, by a sizable margin, the most read column for the month of December. Why? Because people love to ridicule* the Saw. Ridicule that is often deserved. And this is a problem.

* Do you ever listen to Jim Rome? He constantly mocks Hacksaw's voice and his shtick. Hacksaw has built A Sports Empire on bad PR from Jim Rome. Hacksaw is known across the country for being the punchline to a joke. RANCHO CUCAMONGA! Can you HEAR ME?

People don't necessarily have the time to research. They go to the radio because it's easy. It is a reflex, one that can be done concurrently with the action of commuting to and from work. People depend on the accuracy of information received from a guy who has been given a massive platform and megaphone. This isn't politics, no extra research need be necessary. It's sports and sports should be easy. But you and I know better. We've learned to take nothing at face value, not even our sporting news.

Why would XX1090 knowingly deceive us by putting this guy on the air?

I'm not positive if this analogy works but I would say that XX1090 views its listnership similarly to the way a casino looks at a bet on a football game. Both want to get action on each side. If 1,000,000 betters choose the Chargers this weekend and 1,000,000 take the Raiders the house wins because of the 10% "rake" on each bet. Similarly, a radio station with blindly faithful listeners to Hacksaw coupled with irate listeners who desire to make the phone call* reminding him that he's a big idiot is good for business. Both groups are listening and that equals profit.

*Or text! Text him your thoughts.

So XX1090 doesn't care about us. For a solid dose of reason we get Darren Smith in the afternoon but not after 4 hours of frontal lobe pollution from Lee "Hacksaw" Hamilton. And on top of it, they let him bang his ideas out on a keyboard. Yes, in addition to San Diego.com giving him a forum, XX1090 also posted Hacksaw's malarkey on their website.

This week we've seen Craig Elsten of 619 Sports filling in for a vacationing Darren Smith and in this time we've been privy to a polished and reasoned approach to every topic on the table. As I listen I imagine how perfect a fit Craig would be in Hacksaw's spot, leading into Darren Smith at 2 pm. And then I'm reminded of our betting analogy and I come back to a grim reality. A reality where intelligence is not a commodity willfully doled out to radio audiences.

We are stuck with Lee Hacksaw Hamilton. And I would say that we need NOT be stuck quietly. That we can use our voices to silence Hacksaw's. But in the end, that is all XX1090 really wants. Complaints mean we are listening. And the bills are being paid.

This however, does not mean we cannot call attention to the failings of our media members. You will have to set your own standards for what you are willing to accept from the media but here are mine:

When I witness egregious incoherence, profound lack of logic, or an utter absence of research in a published writing by a professional -- that professional will be called on it.*

* Throws mic down. 

Editor's Note [8:05 AM] 
I would be remiss if I did not point to Dan Hayes, Corey Brock, Craig Elsten and Tom Krasovic for giving us some semblance of sanity with their writing.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

The "You Don't Know Jack!" Year In Review: Crappy Writing Needs An Award Too

During the past three months I've written three scathing critiques of articles by locally based journalists. All writers will write an homage to suck here and there but when the piece has egregious factual errors that lead to deception amongst readers then comment must be put on the record. That is what I would like to think that I have done with the articles by Nick Canepa, Don Norcross, and Lee "Hacksaw" Hamilton.

Were these articles the absolute worst written by professional journalists in San Diego during 2011? Likely not. But make no mistake, they were poorly constructed, riddled with errors, and completely "mailed-in" by their respective authors. And so I shall nominate them for worst of the year.

You can click the author's name above to go directly to the article or below you will find the links for the criticisms, which may be the easiest way to refresh your memory:

Nick Canepa Gets the FJMing He Deserves
FJM'd: Don Norcross and his subject, Padres GM Josh Byrnes
FJM'd: Hacksaw refuses to do the math that could be done on his fingers

Or perhaps your memory is pristine and you need not go through such time consuming acts; then now is the time to get yourself to the polls. Decision 2011!


Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The "You Don't Know Jack!" Year in Review: Ramones and Baseball Brawls

Without any hesitation I can say that this was the definitive post written on AJM about the Ramones and baseball in 2011.

I wrote it nearly a year ago (1/12/11). It was short and sweet and I recall telling the Mrs. that the writing of the post would be worth it under one condition. Before I tell you the condition I'll ask that you click the link first: More Baseball Music: The Ramones take a turn

Comeback in two minutes.

I felt the writing of this post would be worth it if ONE person thought it was a legitimate story. Few read it and with zero comments I figured I had failed with my little hoax.

A few months down the road Rick from RJ's Fro began questioning me about the post. I don't recall his exact words but the gist of the conversation was that he BELIEVED the Ramones/ Roseboro/ Maricahal story was true! What really made it funny was that Rick has spent time in a band. A punk rock band. And he's a big baseball fan.

Success realized!

This has been The You Don't Know Jack! Year In Review: Part I

Monday, December 26, 2011

FJM'd: Hacksaw refuses to do the math that could be done on his fingers

Against my better judgement, I am going to give Lee "Hacksaw" Hamilton the Fire Joe Morgan treatment. I'm trying to convince myself that it's NOT a waste of time. But like you, I know that it is.

Hacksaw is terrible. And since he has been given a platform he needs to get called on it.

And all this started when the incoming owner, Jeff Moorad, moved Jake Peavy two summers ago to the White Sox for... guess again, more kids.

Jake Peavy was actually moved for a bag of balls, an Italian beef sandwich, an ex-QB from the University of Michigan, three warm bodies, and a ridiculous agreement by the Chicago White Sox to assume a gazillion dollar contract for an undersized power pitcher with a history of injuries.

Isn't this one of the things for which we should be thanking Jeff Moorad?


When will there be some type of reward for long suffering fans, who have now seen six losing seasons in the last nine campaigns?

Math. Let's do math. Six losing seasons in the last nine campaigns? When I read this it just didn't compute so you know what I did? Like all good Mathematicians, I used my fingers! Go with it!

RIGHT HAND
Thumb: 2011: Losing season
Pointer: 2010: Winning season
Middle: 2009: Losing season
Ring: 2008: Losing season
Pinkie: 2007: Winning season

LEFT HAND
Thumb: 2006: Winning season
Pointer: 2005: Winning season
Middle: 2004: Winning season
Ring: 2003: Losing season

That was fun. (don't believe my fingers? go here)

OK. Firstly: when you're talking about "the number of winning seasons" in the last "x number of seasons" you go back to the last winning season in the string of years, which would be 2004. PETCO Park also opened in 2004, so really, Saw should have been speaking about 8 campaigns rather than 9.

What about Saw's math?

Have the Padres only had 3 winning seasons in the last 9? Let's go back to our fingers.

Ahhhh, nope.

According to my fingers the Padres have had 5 winning seasons in their last 9 campaigns. Or 5 out of 8 in PETCO Park, which isn't too bad considering how angry the fan-base has been.

Miller Park debuted in Milwaukee, which led to a spending spree and playoff appearances.

Miller Park opened in 2001. The Brewers rewarded their fans with 4 consecutive losing seasons, 1 .500 season, another losing season, and a .512 season, before they won the Wild Card in 2008. In three of those losing seasons they finished dead last in the NL Central. And with 6 teams vying for a championship in the NL Central, this is where last place truly means something!

What about the Brewers' payroll during those initial years after the opening of Miller Park?

Here it goes: (2000: 23rd*) (2001: 23rd) (2002: 21st) (2003: 28th) (2004: 30th) (2005: 27th) (2006: 24th) (2007: 19th) (2008: 15th) (2009: 17th) (2010: 18th) (2011: 17th)

The ballpark didn't really lead to increased payroll for Milwaukee. Maybe if Saw took the time to research he could have used Milwaukee as a timeline model for how a new park can eventually lead a small market team to a payroll in the top 50% of the league. Or Almost the top 50% of the league.

Leaving too were 14-game winner Aaron Harang, and back of the rotation starter Wade LeBlanc.

Lamenting the loss of Wade LeBlanc? I'll stop now.

From all of the past trades, San Diego wound up with 9 young players and three additional draft picks, but you won't see any of them at Petco Park from your box seats this summer.

 Nine young players, huh? None of them in PETCO this summer? I don't even know who Saw is talking about here. The paragraph begins by talking about off-season moves and then he jumps to past trades. Is he including the warm bodies from the Peavy trade? There were 3 prospects from the Latos trade, 2 from Adams, 3 from Gonzalez. That doesn't add up to 9. Crap. This is vexing.

We know Alonso or Rizzo will be in San Diego. Rumor has it that we'll likely see Erlin, Wieland and Boxberger by summer. Maybe Casey Kelly, but more likely 2013. What was Hacksaw saying?

Alarming is the reality Moorad does not have the money to really own this.

Finally. A salient point. It took a while but Hacksaw made one (and I don't think he actually meant to do it).

Please don't allow the above 14 words to con you into reading the article. Just go to IKEA and do some shopping.

*I put the year 2000 payroll in for the Brewers just to show that there was no change (relative to the rest of MLB) in payroll as they moved into Miller Park.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Padres Fan Buying Dodgers Gifts Spawns Ideas of GREATNESS

The Tri-tip Christmas shindig last week required the purchase of a gift on my part. The kind soul I drew for the gift exchange is a Dodger fan. I felt that this would make shopping far easier for me than to have drawn a woman on the other side of the family whom I only see once a year.

As I touched the Dodger hat at the sports collectible store I felt like I might burst into flames. This is not hyperbole. I had the uneasiest of feelings. Needle points of bright light permeated my field of vision and I did the only thing I could do in that situation. I grabbed a Padre hat too. It was brown . . .


I left the store with a gift for my father-in-law's Dodger loving brother and a Christmas gift for myself. And I felt more at ease despite the obvious accusations of seasonal selfishness that would eventually follow.

Then I journeyed to one of the last remaining bookstores on this planet we call earth; Barnes and Noble. And I looked for a book on the Dodgers. It was difficult, as once again, heat in my extremities and white light wreaked havoc with my vision. And then once again the pain of a thousand deaths subsided as I chose a book about Branch Rickey, Jackie Robinson, and the Dodgers. If forced to buy Dodger crap then the least I could do was buy the noble kind of Dodger crap, if there is such a thing.

No matter how much we ALL hate the Dodgers, make no mistake about it, they were the trailblazers in setting things right. Were their motivations in signing Jackie Robinson completely altruistic? Likely not. But the fact remains, that while Jackie Robinson was the first African-American in Major League Baseball, it took an organization to be the first to decide to integrate. The Dodgers deserve that honor.

SO LET'S CELEBRATE THE DODGERS THIS YEAR!!!

I've got a GREAT idea. The Padres need a NEW BOBBLEHEAD SERIES . Not a series that celebrates players who won't be with the club next year or young stars who AREN'T young stars. Something sustainable. A bobblehead series for each player with a retired number!!!

You know! Tony Gwynn, Randy Jones, Dave Winfield, Steve Garvey, Trevor Hoffman, and . . . JACKIE ROBINSON!!

Ya see, Jackie Robinson doesn't just belong to the Dodgers. He belongs to ALL of MLB! Every single team received an interest in Jackie Robinson when they decided to retire #42 across the board. SO LET'S GET IN ON THIS, PADRES!

The mock-ups have already been completed! Why should this be the only Jackie Robinson bobblehead we see!!??

Let's CELEBRATE JACKIE ROBINSON and THE NUMBER 42! Here's how it goes!
The Padres open the season against the DODGERS of LOS ANGELES on THURSDAY April 5th!!! The series goes from Thursday through Sunday. But we all know that the majority of Padre fans will be there on Thursday for the opener and the Dodgers will just take over the park for the other three games. So the GIVEAWAY has gotta be ON THURSDAY!!!

Celebrating the retired San Diego Padres Jersey numbers, TOM GARFINKEL PRESENTS:


That is glorious! The second greatest Padre of them all! Screw you Dodgers! JACKIE ROBINSON IS OURS!!!!!! 

OPENING DAY 2012!!!

* This post was inspired by my gift purchase and the Dodgers decision to give away a Mike Scioscia bobblehead when the Angels visit Chavez Ravine this year.

* I would like to thank @scottcolson for providing Jackie Robinson awesomeness in brown and gold. Scott is a big believer in Weezer, the San Diego Padres, and belief. Follow him on Twitter!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Me Not Here: Joe Randa Inquiry Yields Alot Of Words

I finished writing a piece this morning for Friars on Cardboard. It's based on this here Joe Randa baseball card. Something about the card just stood out which is to say it was unlike Joe Randa's 58 game career as a San Diego Padre.

Had The Thin Gwynn posted it today I would have had posted something on 5 consecutive days. But since I have actually written something on 5 consecutive days, I say screw it! I'm counting it as today!

When TTG posts my Randa piece this is where you'll find the link. Right [here] in fact. Or HERE!!!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Tear Down This Wall Mr. Byrnes-achev

On this date in 1987* West Germans gathered to hear President Ronald Reagan address a crowd in front of the Berlin Wall. This historic date, when President Reagan pleaded with Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev to tear down the Berlin Wall, marked a seminal moment in the latter 20th century.

The Berlin Wall had become a physical manifestation of the division between a communist east and a democratic and capitalist west. Moreover it served as a mental divide between these two worlds.

The barriers of the mind can mean so much more than the physical, the tangible.

The Berlin Wall. Josh Byrnes. The San Diego Padres. Take a journey with me won't you . . .



New Padres General Manager Josh Byrnes has been an active participant during the Hot Stove and while it has ruffled the feathers of some fans there's no doubt he has made the winter interesting.

But there is one thing Byrnes could do that would no doubt capture the imagination of all Padres fans. It is President Ronald Reagan's Berlin Wall speech that I use as inspiration.

I paraphrase:
We welcome change and openness; for we believe that locker room cohesion and wins go together, that the advance of our 25 man roster can only strengthen the cause of the 2012 season. There is one sign that Josh Byrnes can make that would be unmistakable, that would advance dramatically the cause of this organization as a whole and the team that takes the field in 2012. General Manager Byrnes, if you seek unity, if you seek wins for the San Diego Padres and the people of southern California, if you seek the whole as being more than the sum of its parts, come here to this locker room. Mr. Byrnes, open this locker room. Mr. Byrnes, Mr. Byrnes, tear down this wall!
Tear down this Orlando Hudson Wall in the San Diego Padres locker room, Mr. Byrnes.


We are big believers that you can do it. Make this hot stove season an unrivaled success and tear it down.

I want to thank @homersapien619 for indulging me with an excellent photo-shop of the wall inside San Diego's locker room. Homer likes beer and is a fellow believer in belief. Follow him on twitter.

*This date is a fabrication. It was not December 21st, 1987 but June 12th of that year. But it's the off-season and points must be made.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Mat Latos and Tri-Tip: Part 2

When we last met I had mentioned the disappointment of a cold tri-tip meal. But such a meal would not deter me from giving a reasoned assessment of the Mat Latos trade. On Saturday night I had some reading to do.

Whether it's a porterhouse, a t-bone, a fillet, or tri-tip everyone has their preference of meat. It's all good, really. But each person has their preference. What we choose could be a matter of affordability or it might be a matter of insider information. What is the eating establishment known for, their specialty? This often determines the choice in meat.

There's no shortage of varied opinion and preference on the Mat Latos deal and experts in the field quickly weighed in on the blockbuster move . . .

The following excerpts were worth noting for their lack of consensus:
"The San Diego Padres swap quality for quantity in a building move that helps them but doesn't entirely add up for me." ~Keith Law

"The most lopsided trade I've witnessed in recent memory as the Padres swindle the Reds in the 5-player trade that lands Mat Latos in Cinci" ~Jim Bowden (former General Manager)

"That's a lot of talent for a very good pitcher. No clear winner at this time." ~Kevin Goldstein
What did Keith Law mean? What didn't add up for him? If you're an ESPN insider you can pay to find out but that snippet gives pause to those who may want to declare the trade a success without a game having been played. Jim Bowden on the other hand leaves nothing to the imagination while Kevin Goldstein gives the more measured response.

These are but a few of the opinions out there, opinions that are shaped by what people value in a player. Some prefer the rare commodity, a potential number one starter, while others appreciate the quantity and perceived quality of young talent. Josh Byrnes and Walt Jockety each have their preference.

On Saturday night I had no choice in meat, just tri-tip, a scenario with which I was perfectly fine. Tri-tip is that little triangular part on the bottom portion of Bottom Sirloin, denoted in pink on our trusty steer. It's a choice cut of meat, loved along the central coast of California but often an afterthought elsewhere. The tri-tip is a hidden gem, as is its preparation in the Santa Maria style of barbecuing. It remains a secret to most; Kansas City, Texas, and North Carolina often the first places associated with barbecue.

Why was a potential #1 starter in Mat Latos shopped? Why did Josh Byrnes do it when so many thought the young hurler would be a cornerstone of the rotation moving forward? The clear reason is that Jockety overwhelmed Byrnes with an amazing offer. Let's phrase it another way and see how you like the trade: Mat Latos was traded for a 28 year old former all star pitcher and three 1st round draft picks*. It sounds . . . beautiful when described in such a way.

Mat Latos is like the tri-tip served at at a Santa Maria backyard barbeque. He was traded for three cows, about to go to slaughter,  that will provide enough tri-tip to feed the paying customers at PETCO Park and the homeless denizens of the East Village. Eat-up, San Diego.

What about the latent reasons for this trade? Mat Latos was chosen in 2006 as a draft and follow after he had tumbled to the 11th round. Mat Latos fell to the 11th round of the draft because of issues concerning his mental make-up and maturity issues. Hey, what 17 year old doesn't have some growing-up to do? But when you're doling out millions of dollars it makes sense to use caution. Whatever the case may be, Latos signed, and as his pitching acumen developed the questions of maturity continued to follow him.

Cows don't have make-up issues.

As Mat Latos began to experience success in 2010 the consensus seemed to be that he had matured a great deal, with a notable exception. So why trade him, Mr. Byrnes? Was there something beneath the surface, unknown to so many?

On Saturday, Dan Hayes of the North County Times wrote the following:
Still, one source said the Padres had "a ton" of concern about Latos' mental makeup. Latos said in a conference call that he was shocked by the trade, saying the Padres' front office didn't give him the impression that he would be traded.

Byrnes said the Padres made the trade because of the package of players the Reds offered in return for Latos.
Could the on going issues regarding his mental make-up be the reason for his departure? Likely so, after reading the Hayes piece and listening to commentary from others. But I also think Byrnes was bowled over with the offer. Teams like the Padres need to make the 4 for 1 deals. They don't come along often enough.

This convoluted analogy has left you and I confused. Where do I stand, you ask? While I would have liked to have seen a contract extension in Latos' future I understand why they made the move. I love that they got two players who are ready for the 25 man roster and two that aren't far off. I'm also kind of excited to see what becomes of Anthony Rizzo.

And I love Tri-tip that is served hot. Santa Maria!


*I apologize for the lack of citation. I'm pretty sure I read a tweet from an analyst who framed the trade this way but I've read so much I have no idea where it came from.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Tom Garfinkel Wants Peter Gammons' Head On A Stick

After Peter Gammons' article on MLB this morning and the subsequent Twitter chatter across San Diego a dialogue began to run through my mind. A dialogue between Hall of Fame baseball writer Peter Gammons and Padres' COO and President, Tom Garfinkel. An imaginary dialogue.

Or was it . . .
Tom Garfinkel: Hey Pete. Good Morning.

Peter Gammons: Good morning Tom. Hey, let me turn down my 8-track. Just listening to some Buddy Guy.

TG: Yup. Take your time.

PG: Alright . . . hey, thank you for the access yesterday morning. Those tidbits on Mat Latos were gold.

TG: Yeah. That's what I was calling about.

PG: Oh yea. What is it?

TG: As I was eating breakfast this morning I read through your column at MLB.

PG: How did it come off? 

TG: Well. I'm not gonna lie. I do have a gripe.

PG: Look Tom. The information about Latos and his Tattoo before game 162 in 2010 was provided by your media relations department. Was this information inaccurate?

TG: No, no, no . . .

PG: Just stop! I understand that Twitter is full of useless little twits that parse everyone's words but what do you want me to do? You wanted Latos to look like he was a shaky employee. I framed it in such a way. You wanted Latos to look like his priorities were elsewhere. I did it. I'm a Hall of Fame writer, Tom. What more do you want from me. The Padres look like geniuses right now. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?!

TG: No. Peter. I think there's a misunderstanding.

PG: What!?

TG: We're the Padres, Peter. Not the Friars. We're the San Diego Padres. The title of your article says, "Depth Accelerating Friars' Return To Contention". We'd just prefer that you call us the Padres.

PG: What?

TG: It's just that we'd like you to refer to our name correctly.

PG: The Padres. Not the Friars? 

TG: The Padres.


PG: You don't like the Friars?

TG: I wouldn't say I dislike it. We're the Padres. We should refer to ourselves as the Padres. Friars is part of our history. But in formal settings, in the broadcast booth, in releases, we should be the Padres.

PG: OK. I can do that.

TG: Thanks, Peter. I loved the article. Have you had breakfast yet?

PG: ( . . . silence . . )

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Mat Latos Became a Red and The Tri-Tip Was Cold

The other day I finally ponied-up for a Baseball Prospectus subscription. I'd been meaning to do it for sometime and now that it's the only place to read Ducksnorts it has become even more imperative.

It was Kevin Goldstein's publication of his top eleven Padres Prospects however,  that forced my hand. Goldstein's overall evaluation was that the Padres have accrued tremendous depth at their minor league levels. Awesome! Is there anything better than spending money and having an expert tell you what you want to hear? I felt like I was in . . . Las Vegas.*

I did leave the reading of this article with concerns, though.


While the system has depth it lacks superstars on the horizon. Sorry. I'm greedy.

The projections for starting pitchers also caught my eye. Reports of Erlin, Weiland, and Kelly all sounded good, with big league arrival times coming sooner than later but they all project as #3 starters.

Sorry. I'm greedy. And I want more.

The only thing that assuaged my concerns was the notion that the Padres already had an ace in the fold in the form of Mat Latos. With Latos as the #1 perhaps the inclusion of three # 3 starters could still do the trick. Happy again was I.

Almost immediately I began to hear rumblings of a Latos trade.

This didn't make sense to my simple mind. With no stud in the system, why do it? The only thing I could think was that the FO thought Latos was a bad gamble moving forward. Kind of understandable I suppose. There have always been the maturity questions. Issues of the head, coupled with the propensity for pitchers' arms to fall off their bodies, could be reason enough to move the talent. I also thought it was more an issue of the Padres listening rather than actively shopping him. Whatever. I am simple.

Yesterday I went to eat tri-tip, an annual tradition. Before I could even get to the dinner table to find that the tri-tip was cold and undercooked, I got out of the car and checked my phone. Mat Latos was no longer a Padre. I was genuinely surprised. By both the undercooked tri-tip and the departure of Latos. Tri-tip needs to have the edges charred just right. The edges weren't charred just right, though. And Latos was gone. I couldn't make sense of it all.

 Fans generally react poorly to such news, especially Padre fans who have seen players in recent history leave for unknown quantities. There were those who expected me to absolutely tEAR ThE INTerrrNETS aPArt!

I opted for a more measured response. For the most part, I decided to wait. And I decided to read...

(Part II)

*Read between the lines.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Games For The Weary: Padre-Punch

When I was a little avenger out on a road-trip with the family my brother and I yearned for entertainment. We found it in the form of a game called Slug-Bug. 

Each time a Volkswagen Beetle was spotted on the open-highways the objective was to shout the color of the Beetle and then the word "bug".

If I saw a red Volkswagen Beetle before my brother did I would shout "red bug"! This afforded me the opportunity to turn towards my brother, and with blood-lust, slug him in the arm.

Ah, Slug-Bug.

This last weekend I journeyed to Disneyland . . .

The family and I spent two days at Disneyland, a place renowned for hosting visitors from around the world. But it is the American visitors who I always pay the most attention. Based on their sporting attire, these folks share insights into their origins. It's magical. Just like Disneyland.

But through Day 1 at Disneyland I had yet to see a Padres fan. Sure there were a few damaged souls adorned in lightning bolts but nary an outwardly Padre fan was present to commiserate with. It was just me.

I needed a Padre fan. I needed one like a San Diegan needs Breakfast. And so I concocted a plan that would allow me to celebrate the occasion when a Padre fan would cross my path during Day 2. This plan came together in the form of a game. A game called Padre-Punch*

I decided that the next (and first) Padre fan I crossed paths with at Disneyland would receive a greeting.

I would garner their attention by shouting "Padre" and smiling like the Cheshire Cat of Disney's Alice in Wonderland ride.

Right as the fan recognized that I was a partisan I would lower the boom on their right shoulder while yelling "Punch"! It would be just like the days of yore. The days of Slug-Bug! 

Of course the reaction by my fellow Padre fan would be to recoil. In this instance they would either be constructing an escape route for the purposes of filing assault charges . . . or worse . . . they would regather themselves. Intent on revenge.

Only one thing could prevent either scenario from coming to fruition.

After completing the phrase Padre Punch it would be incumbent upon me to extend my arms and envelop this friend in a warm embrace. Yes. I say friend. Because that is what Padres fans are . . . friends. Friends through the bonds of hapless baseball endured through the decades.

In our embrace I would whisper in to their ear:
"It's good to see you. I know it's difficult that fan favorite Heath Bell has moved on but it was a wise financial decision considering his age and declining peripherals. But it will be OK. The payroll will start with a "5". You and I. We'll be OK. Now go punch a friend."
This last part of Padre Punch would always be subject to modification. For example, when the Padres finally sign their next television contract, the whisper in the ear might sound something like this:
"It's good to see you. I know it's difficult that the new Padres television contract is not nearly as much as what the Yankees or Red Sox earn on their respective networks. It is however a substantial improvement over the years spent at Channel 4. But it will be OK. We just have to weather the Dick Enberg Era. You and I. We'll be OK. Now go punch a friend."
Spawned by a trip to Disneyland, this Padre Punch was my new game. It was more than just a game. It was a celebration. A celebration of the rare instance when someone outwardly proclaims to follow the same baseball team as me. A friend.

With epic gusts of wind, Day 2 at Disneyland arrived. I dressed and prepared for my first round of Padre Punch . . .


*"Friar Crier" was an early favorite for corporate naming rights but after internal debate it was vetoed by a committee of one.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Omar Minaya And My Inner Cynic

The Padres added Omar Minaya to the front office yesterday in a capacity similar to the one held by Josh Byrnes in 2011 while Jed Hoyer was San Diego's General Manager. The UT's Bill Center writes:
“Omar’s job will be similar to what I did last year,” said Byrnes. “I’ll be traveling a lot,” added Minaya, who was the general manager of Montreal from 2002-2004 and the Mets from 2004-2010.
A native of the Dominican Republic, Minaya was the first Hispanic general manager in the major leagues. He picked the Padres over a half dozen other offers.
 I asked a Mets fan what he thought of Omar Minaya and he opined that the former New York GM is a solid evaluator of talent if not a strong general manager. So that sounds like a good thing.

But my inner cynic reads that last part by Center and I immediately attribute the Minaya signing to all of the silly Josh Byrnes details Don Norcross saw fit to provide us with last week.

On the flip side, my rational mind notes that, at least Minaya was in demand.

Welcome aboard, Mr. Minaya.