Kevin Acee takes it upon himself to write about the Padres after winning a game of Candy Land with Nick Canepa

In the interest of fairness it is my duty to type kind words towards the U-T's Kevin Acee.

It took a week but a U-T columnist finally acknowledged the contract extension of Carlos Quentin. Of course the catalyst for the Quentin mention was the off-the-wall extension of closer Huston Street, but hey, complainers can't quibble. Or can they . . .


Of course they can! But I'm not going to.  I'll just suggest that you go read Kevin Acee's column, Street signing points in right direction,  providing this tasty nugget for you:

Clearly, what’s underway is an attempt to reverse history, to stem the attrition and to no longer be awful.

I enjoyed this line. Pointed and accurate, it's a piece of criticism that the Padres are deserving of, no matter how many positives future generations of ownership perform. The ownership of the hour in San Diego will always be paying for the sins of their Padres*. It is a disappointing reality based on more than 40 years of pain.

*Do you see what I did there? Padres = Fathers? Oh never mind.

And what of the Huston Street extension? When I heard that extension talks were underway with Street, despite his excellent numbers, I thought it was ludicrous! When I heard that the Padres and Street consummated the deal on Sunday I was incredulous!

Then I saw the terms of the deal. Two years at $7M annually for a relatively young guy who currently earns more than that in 2012? I'm not sure what Street's thought process is but I think that this was a good deal for the Padres. This is the deal the Padres would have liked to have given Heath Bell which we now see would have been like wiping our rear ends with $14M and then pissing on it and lighting it on fire. A disgusting proposition.

Huston Street's K/9 has jumped by 3 over the previous two seasons. Will this rate continue? If not what will Street look like as a Padre? And by what will Street look like as a Padre, I don't mean in 2013 and 2014, but in a matter of days?

In closing, I'm glad that Nick Canepa didn't write the linked column from above.

Are we there yet?

Twisting and turning north on Interstate 5, I attempted to quiet my mind.

On a road trip there are no real expectations to have of children other than the frequency in which you will hear the inevitable, "Are we there yet?"

All bets are off on the road. The only given is whether the aforementioned question will be proposed more or less than 19 times.

I had already received the Children's Inquisition twelve times after a mere 45 minutes into what would ultimately prove to be a 6 hour road trip to California's central coast. I could only laugh, the shoe now firmly on the other foot as an adult*.

*This stage of development is often questionable.

Driving through San Juan Capistrano, my mind silent, I thought back to my family's arrival in California.

I looked at Mrs. AJM and said, "Father AJM had initially thought of relocating us to Orange County rather than San Diego."

She submitted a nod and question. "Really?"

Looking ahead at the armada of Sunday afternoon break lights, which become more prevalent as one transitions to Los Angeles, I nodded in affirmation.

"Yeah . . .", my voice trailing off in a reflective pause.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Mrs. AJM waiting for more, as if to say, "You're the one who brought it up. What's your point?"

I acquiesced.

"Yeah. If my parents would have moved to Orange County I 'd be an Angels fan. And then my life would have been a lot easier."

Mrs. AJM laughed.

From the back of the car I heard a committed, "Are we there yet?"

Lucky number thirteen! There was little doubt that this trip would be recollected for hitting the "over" on the Children's Inquisition very early in the day.

When we arrived in Pismo Beach yesterday I learned that the Padres had extended Huston Street: Two years at $7M a piece. Surprised that Street would take less than he's earning in 2012 for the guarantee of an extra year on his contract I thought back to Carlos Quentin's contract extension of a week ago.

As a Padres fan I silently asked, "Are we there yet?"

The Padres have more issues to address than just a left fielder and a closer. Of course the Padres aren't there yet! Like the AJM family 45 minutes into a six hour drive there's still driving to be done . . .

***
I watched the Red Sox play the Yankees last night with a sick daughter. She said, "Why are people Yankees fans?"

I didn't have the heart to feed her propaganda in such a weakened state. I opted to tell her the truth...

***
XX1090 comes in perfectly all the way up here in the Central Coast. I haven't met any Padres fans yet...

***
I totally just went Nick "Sez Me" Canepa on you. %&*#! I apologize...

***
...

A tree falling in an empty wood (or how U-T columnists cover the Carlos Quentin extension)

The sports columnists for the U-T, Nick Canepa and Kevin Acee, have each been critical of the Padres during the 2012 season, and fairly so. Each writer also stated unique views of Padres LF Carlos Quentin earlier in the season.

Allow me to take you on a timeline tour . . .


JUNE 3rd
Nick Canepa pens a column critical of the Padres with Carlos Quentin at its epicenter. Canepa writes:

And I say, no. Keep him. Re-sign him. Give the suffering fans in this town a hook on which to hang their hat. Be somebody for a change. Man up. It’s time to stop taking organizational laxatives and eat some cheese, rice and crow — you know, something that binds. 

When you tell somebody to "man-up" you're essentially calling them a girl which is sexist and offensive to the delicate sensibilities of the masses. When somebody does "man-up" it should be acknowledged. A form of "manning-up*", if you will.

*I foresee a Peyton Manning column in our future.


JUNE 6th
Kevin Acee pens a column critical of the Padres with Carlos Quentin at its epicenter: Acee writes:

So it is with much reluctance that I submit Carlos Quentin as trade bait.

 Disagreeing with the lead columnist? I like it.

Bottom line, the Padres aren’t good enough (or that close to getting there) to justify keeping Quentin right now. And besides, I just don’t believe Quentin is a guy you build your team around. Not that he needs to rise to that level to justify keeping him, but I’m not even sure the Padres could afford him at $7 or $8 million a year, which he will certainly deserve after this season.  

So you're saying the Padres don't have money? So it might be a story if they could spend that much? Or that if, by some act of God, the Padres spent even more, it would be a three part series!?

Oh, the Padres will be better if they have Quentin.

 Wait. So they should keep him? I sense conflict and passion, the seed and fertilizer of stories!

Now is the time when we fast-forward along our line of time. The Padres are terrible, Huston Street is an All Star even though Acee think Denorfia should represent San Diego, the Chargers season is on the horizon, blah, blah, blah . . .

July 22nd (morning)
Carlos Quentin signs a three year, $27M dollar contract extension with the San Diego Padres. The contract includes a No Trade Clause.

July 22nd (evening)
Nick Canepa does his best Nancy Drew and writes about Chargers Mysteries.

July 23rd
Kevin Acee writes about Penn State and how it got what it deserved. What it deserved? I'm assuming this column includes descriptive epithets about rape and death.

July 24th
Nick Canepa writes about a football referee. A fricking retired NFL referee!
Kevin Acee writes about Chargers rookie free agents and which ones might make the roster.

July 25th
Kevin Acee writes about AJ Smith signing players to contract extensions and doing it NOW! And as a bonus Acee throws in a little story on what the depth chart looks like on the eve of training camp. Depth charts. Yeah, those never change.

July 26th
Nick Canepa writes about the battle for the Chargers' kicking job. Guys who strike balls with their feet! Guys who can't tackle. Guys who are on the field for an aggregate of two minutes each game.

Kevin Acee's U-T archive
Nick Canepa's U-T archive

For two columnists who held such passionate feelings about the future of Carlos Quentin in early June, I find it astounding that neither has written a story about his contract extension. Don't they think it was a terrible decision to sign an injury prone player who's about to turn 30? Don't they think the extension represents a commitment to fans and ultimately a sign of hope that future dollars will be spent on talent in San Diego? A little of both maybe?

The financial commitment to Quentin represents the largest flow of cash* from the Padres since the great Little League uniform distribution of '12, yet nary a story was written?

* Just kidding. I think it was the remodeling effort for the introduction of a Hodads location at PETCO Park.

These statements and questions from me are merely rhetorical outrage. I'm not really surprised. We've heard both Canepa and Acee tell us how many clicks their Chargers stories get. We know that the Manchester & Lynch regime is but a cheerleader for all things Chargers and that they direct which stories will be written.

Maybe our columnists have directives from above to ignore the story and to instead write Chargers fluff as illustrated by our timeline above. What this amateur knows though, is that the Quentin extension is a story, good or bad.

I wonder if our columnists even had a professional desire to follow up their columns from June. Furthermore, I question that if the Quentin extension story was on their radar, would they have even fought to write the piece?

I hope it's the former. And latter.

Ripping Craig Elsten's guts out and lighting them on FIRE!

Last night on XX1090 I ripped Craig Elsten's guts out and lit them on FIRE!

I kid, I kid! I am but a merry prankster in the unforgiving world of Padres fandom. There were no guts and there was certainly no fire . . .  except the fire that burns from my heart for undervalued players who attempt to etch out an existence in the vast wilderness of PETCO Park.

This is simply my way of saying that Craig and I had a friendly little debate flavored by Chase Headley's future in San Diego. Let me give you some context first . . .


Craig wrote a column on XX1090 which posted on Tuesday. I recommend that you go read it but if you haven't the time the essentials of his argument are as follows (paraphrasing):

Chase Headley is an average player who is overvalued in the current market and should be traded to improve the Padres chances moving forward.

I only partially agree with Craig's thesis. If Josh Byrnes can make some desperate GM pay through the nose consequently converting Headley into a package of dynamic near-ready major league talent then sure, go for it. But as we know in these parts things don't always work according to plan. It is Josh Byrnes' job to listen and to perform his due diligence, as they say in the industry..

Where I disagreed with Craig was his estimation of Chase Headley as an average player. Chase Headley is not a player to build around but he is an important part of the PETCO Park roster puzzle.

Listen to last night's debate on XX1090: Includes 9 essential vitamins and minerals along with Jedd Gyorko, Dave Staton, and Joe Randa references.

Editor's Note:
Jordan Carruth declared me the winner of last night's debate. You be the judge.

Joe Thatcher disagrees with my assertions

What are these assertions I speak of and why does Joe Thatcher* stand staunchly in opposition to them?

*I can only assume that Joe Thatcher would disagree with me. But I haven't talked to him.

 I assert that Giants SS Brandon Crawford, while wielding a moderately luke-warm bat in July, sucks to high heaven as a major league ball striker.

I assert that Padres LHP Joe Thatcher, while wielding outstanding splits against lefties, sucks to high heaven as a major league ball hurler.

I assert that it would have been way funnier if this game would have ended on a wild pitch. At 15.0 games out of first place in the NL West I want weird*!

*Would this even be considered weird for Thatcher? Me thinks not. 

Joe Thatcher debuted for the Padres on July 26th, 2007 after arriving from Milwaukee as part of the Scott Linebrink trade. By the summer of '07 I had come to despise Scott Linebrink and welcomed the trade. Thatcher stayed in the Padres bullpen for the remainder of the season which ended catastrophically in Colorado during the shitshow that was -- the one hundred and sixty third game of the season. 

I point out these details to hurt you. To twist the knife into your weary soul. And to call attention to the fact that when Chase Headley* gets traded, Joe Thatcher will be the San Diego Padres most tenured player. Eat that, Wednesday!

* Chase Headley debuted on June 15th, 2007 in Chicago during the series in which Chris Young punched Derek Lee in the face. Or the series in which Chris Young missed Derek Lee's face when he tried to punch Derek Lee in the face. Chase Headley also went 1 for 1 in Game 163. Again . . . eat that, Wednesday!

Thinking Out Loud: Jedd Gyorko's rear end

Jedd Gyorko's a** is huge. But not in the good way that the ladies and baseball scouts like.

Justin Upton's a** is also huge. I imagine the ladies love his a**. Juston Upton's a** makes him run really fast. That's good for him. And the D-Backs.
 
You know how everyone always says Padres OF prospect Jaff Decker is a "bad body type"? If you had never actually seen Jaff Decker before and you put him next to Jedd Gyorko (who you had also never sen in person) you would bet all of your earthly possessions that Jedd Gyorko was Jaff Decker*. What I'm trying to say is that Jedd Gyorko is a thick dude. He's bottom heavy. But alas, he hits like a witch.

* I played this pretend game with myself during Spring Training 2012.

I'm not really talking about Gyorko's a** in this post but more about the additions and subtractions of speed within the Padres major league line-up. Yes I know that Jedd Gyorko's in Tucson. Permit me to wonder for a moment . . .


Yonder Alonso is slower than molasses and he will be at first base for the foreseeable future. But he does spray the gaps. Slow fella has a lot of doubles.

Yasmani Grandal is faster than his Cuban brother. This is not much of a compliment.

Carlos Quentin: Not a fast man. But this does not matter because he has pull power in the middle of the line-up and he could melt your face with laser beam eyes.

I've just listed three guys who are not fast runners in a line-up that requires speed because of park size.

I'm thinking out loud.

Cameron Maybin is fast and he received a contract extension. So he's the Padres' CF of the future. Let's hope he starts hitting.

Alexi Amarista and Everth Cabrera can both run and they're exciting. But I don't know where they fit. I guess we need August and September's ABs to figure that out.

Will Venable can run but his awkward hairline and Princeton education prevent him from being a long term solution in RF.

And what of Chase Headley? Jedd Gyorko's a** makes me think of Chase Headley which is why I began writing this post.

Chase Headley can hit but he can also run. He's not Vince Coleman but that's a good thing. We don't need Chase getting stuck under a tarp during the Padres next World Series appearance. And yes, I'm saying it: I think Chase Headley needs to be here for that mythical, fantastical, World Series I dream about at 4:38 AM on Tuesday mornings in July.

If Chase Headley is traded (along with his speed) then he will be replaced with a base-clogger in Jedd Gyorko. By all accounts Jedd Gyorko can flat out hit, but how adversely will his lack of speed impact what the Padres are trying to do in PETCO Park*?

*Are they really going to move in the fences? If they do I hope they are brown.

I guess we have a few more days to see if Chase's legs are taken out of the PETCO equation.

Carlos Quentin's NTC is not my biggest fear

In some ways I'm surprised by the Carlos Quentin extension and in other ways I'm just not.

Quentin is a guy who likely would have brought a return of value at the deadline so staying put in San Diego guaranteed for the next three years came as a bit of a shock yesterday. There are also the injury concerns that make this move surprising.


The offense has improved since Carlos Quentin's return from knee surgery and his presence in the middle of the order is a part of that resurgence. He's a guy who can pop it out of PETCO after 8pm* and the batting order needs at least one of those threats. Throwing a little bit of money at Quentin, along with the impending ownership change, provides a message of hope to fans. San Diego Padres fans are in dire need of this. I'm a big believer in hope. And belief.

*I don't have quantifiable proof that this has happened but I sense it. I sense that Quentin has muscles that are capable of such a feat. His 5 o'clock shadow** also portends late hour tower power.
** I don't even know what I mean. I'm just rationalizing now.

As I said,  I'm surprised and I'm not surprised.

So what's the problem? People are concerned about the full NTC* that General Manager Josh Byrnes granted Quentin. Worries from fans seem to be rooted in the days of Klesko, Nevin, and Giles. This is a legitimate worry. I don't think that offering NTCs will become this front office's MO but if it does then I will start sharing your fears.

The truth of the matter is that Carlos Quentin is a legitimate threat** and if the Padres are ever going to retain/lure a hitter like that to PETCO they'll have to overpay in some fashion. The Padres are overpaying with the NTC but that's OK. A major league franchise should be able to survive salaries of $9.5 million, $9.5 million, and $8 million over the next three years. As fans we shouldn't expect the Padres to have the financial flexibility and wherewithal to just begin dumping salary each July if they aren't competing. A major league team who can't aford salaries like this for an entire 162 game schedule should just be contracted.

*No Trade Clause. Not, No Timewarner Cable. Not, North Times County (because that wouldn't make sense).
** At the plate. And in the field but in a bad way. Cameron Maybin? Shade yourself to LF, young buck.

Carlos Quentin will never go the way of Phil Nevin. We won't hear of Park complaints. We won't read curse words from the lips of Quentin as he walks off the field and looks to Josh Byrnes' suite at PETCO. That's not who the Padres signed.

Now if you want to be as fearful as a father of a teenage daughter on prom night* that Carlos Quentin won't be on the field for 60% of all future Padres games due to injury -- well, then that there is a legitimate concern. Join me in that line, won't you?

*This is my future. It could be yours as well. And if you have a son you better teach him some respect. I don't have shotgun. And I really don't need one.

Notes: Interesting Fangraphs write-up on the extension.

Because You Asked: Pub Crawl Details

Alright, let's make this quick. Don't confuse the speed at which I write this for not caring about the event. Is it even an event? I don't know. It will be fun. Here's a quick breakdown:


Saturday's game begins at 5:35 PM against the Colorado Rockies.

The Local 
12pm-1pm

Yardhouse (next to The Local)
 1:01pm-1:45 pm

Star Bar
1:50pm- 2:00pm

Gaslamp Tavern
2:01pm- 3:00pm

Neighborhood (777 G Street)
3:10pm- 4:10 pm

Tivoli
4:15pm- 5:00pm

Craft Brewing Carts behind home plate
5:15pm - Until the Ghost of Ray Kroc passes out

Click (here) for locations of the other bars. See you there.

Deciphering Darren Smith Questions at the All Star Break

Each day when Darren Smith gets behind the microphone at XX1090 his listeners forget a very simple truth: Darren Smith is writer.

One cannot speak for 3 hours to a captive audience without having first written down research notes and probing questions for those he interviews each day. Darren Smith is not a writer of prose (although he certainly may be in his free time) but the quality of questions he writes for his guests are perhaps the most essential element of his successful show.

Last week Darren interviewed Padres MLB beat writer Corey Brock coming out of the All-Star break. A week after the fact I've obtained the original questions (typed in italics) intended for Brock and they display only a minor resemblance to the questions that were asked on air (typed in bold) . . .


The original questions give the listener an inkling of how much things can change within the course of a single show, and segment for that matter. With financial obligations to sponsors and their coveted advertisement spots, the radio host is always up against a clock, which invariably leads to changes on the fly. We see this with the questions designated for Corey Brock. We also see the humor as well as Darren's professed goal of high IQ radio with a splash of absurdity . . .

"If you were to say in a couple of sentences, how would you describe the first half of the season, the first three months plus of the 2012 campaign?"

If you were to use a comparison to movies featuring Nicholas Cage, which Cage performance would best describe the 2012 Padres? Captain Corelli's Mandolin or Ghost Rider? a couple of sentences, how would you describe the first half of the season, the first three months plus of the 2012 un-televised disastercampaign?

"What has really been the impact of all these injuries? Where has it hurt 'em? Has it hurt 'em at the lower levels, has it hurt 'em at the big league level? What's really been the biggest impact of them all?"

Has this team even begun to evaluate what they're doing wrong with pitchers? We've got torn elbows and shoulders. Pulled lats . . . What doe s a lat do? We got Carlos Quentin's bad knees. Issues of vertigo. Meh! What's next? Yeast infections?

"Do you think in hindsight, the label that they got or the ranking that they got in terms of farm system, being the number one farm system, do you think that that was accurate in hindsight?"

The Padres couldn't possibly have anything rated number one could they? But seriously, on a scale where Kate Upton is a 10, and Anne Hathaway is a 6 can we honestly say that the Padres score an Erin Burnett? Which of course, Corey will tell you, is an outstanding 9.6. Am I right, Corey? Erin Burnett a 9.6? Sound about right?

"Pick one of the trade candidates, since we don't have time for all of them, and we want to pace ourselves here for the next couple of weeks. Which decision do you think is the most interesting of the usual suspects of guys, that the Padres, that we hear, the Padres might be interested in trading?"

Please tell me that Will Venable won't be offered up for a trade, Corey. It's too entertaining to listen to the twitter folk berate his play and critique his hairline. His hairline? People seriously criticize his hairline which, I imagine, many people would kill for. No Will Venable, right Corey?

"What's happening differently with Carlos Quentin than what we saw getting out of the gates and getting off the DL?"

What's happening differently with Carlos Quentin? Is Carlos Quentin afraid of PETCO Park like Ryan Ludwick was or is his knee still bothering him? Or really, honestly, is he just not seeing any pitches because the line-up around him is horse-bleep? Or was it Comic-Con and all the weirdos walking around the Gaslamp? Did he get spooked?

"Who do you think wins the NL West?"

Tim Lincecum is firing up the bong again isn't he? Too many double doubles from In-N-Out?

"When do you think, or do you think, we'll see Nick Hundley again?"

Who's losing their front office job over the Nick Hundley extension?

I liked those original questions. I think they were Erin Burnett quality.

Cuckoo For Nick Canepa: People Chase Headley is not

In Monday's U-T Nick Canepa went on about how the 2012 Dream Team could beat the original Dream Team while simultaneously acknowledging the following:

• Michael Jordan was in his prime.
• Charles Barkley was phenomenal in 1992.
• People "who know the game" say that the best basketball ever played was during the 1992 Dream Team closed session practices.
• The 2012 edition of the Dream Team will get beat this year if it's not careful.

It was brilliant stuff. Let's move on to where he discusses Chase Headley in his hodge-podge-Sez-Me type column in which he never actually says "Sez Me" but certainly means it . . .


Nick Canepa would have us believe the following:

• Chase Headley will be traded.
• The Padres have depth at third base in the minors.
• Fred McGriff was given away in trade back in 1993.
• The columnist hates inter-division trades.
• Chase Headley is not Mike Schmidt.
• If a trade is executed between the rivals then the Padres should receive Magic Johnson.

Let's just see how Canepa wrote it:

Chase Headley is going to be traded. Let's just hope the Padres, who have some minor-league depth at third base, don't give him away (ala Fred McGriff). I hate inter-division trades. If the Dodgers want Headley, who is not Mike Schmidt, they should have to surrender Magic Johnson ...

I don't get Canepa.

Chase Headley, who is not Brooks Robinson, is a good ball player, a solid ball player.

Most fans would be loathe to watch Chase Headley, who is not Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah's couch professing his love for Katie Holmes, don Dodger blue but Canepa is ignoring a very important point.

If you want value for Chase Headley, who is not Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft, then you have to be willing to deal with every club in each league.

This is not the distant past. There will be no fire-sale, the likes of which fans endured in 1993. The current owners need to keep some value on this club so they're not just going to dump Chase Headley, who is not Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney.

Is there depth in the Padres minor league system? Sure. There's James Darnell, who is not Jed Gyorko. And there's Jed Gyorko, who is not Chase Headley (who incidentally is not The Savior or the Anti-Christ).

I just hope that if the Padres do trade Chase Headley, who is not Mercury 7 astronaut Wally Schirra, they get a windfall for him. Alas, I don't know if Chase Headley, who is not Jessica Alba in her prime, is a player who could command some sort of franchise altering wealth of talent to move to San Diego.

But if Chase Headley, who is not George Brett, was Jessica Alba in her prime then we'd be looking at an entirely different reality.

But Chase Headley, who is not Wade Boggs, is Chase Headley. So I guess we'll have to wait until July 31st to find out what becomes of Chase Headley, who is none of the above listed names.

Editor's Note:
No superstar team led by Michael Jordan would lose to the 2012 Dream Team.

Cuckoo for Nick Canepa: Analogy predictions

Enough of the serious fate-of-print-media-in-a-digital-world posts. Alright? Let's get Cuckoo for Nick Canepa . . .


Yesterday Nick Canepa wrote a column about Padres pitching and the scarcity of health within the entire staff. A commentary on the wrath of Tommy John and the hold the miserable ex-Dodger has over our youthful arms, so to speak.

The column was good. It was fair. It was inquisitive. Wait . . . let me read it again. No, it was good. Aside from the allusion to farts in Spring Training it did well to mention the rash of arm injuries but also to ask why such arm injuries are occurring. After all, these sorts of things didn't happen in Nick Canepa's day. Pitchers were tougher. Nick Canepa didn't say that. I DID!

Jump inside of my head and play a game I've developed called:

Guess the Nick Canepa Analogy NOW, You Present Day Sissy!

If you've read the column then just go along with my premise. Now the column is about arm injuries suffered by Padres pitchers and carries a title of Armed and Endangered. With so many arms injured and unavailable I read in anticipation of a specific analogy that Canepa would surely make. Something about guns and sharks, maybe!

What do you think?

To my astonished Sunday morning eyes, Nick Canepa passed up a sure fire Cuban Missile Crisis/ Cold War/ Arms Race reference. With both Yonder Alonso and Yasmani Grandal (Cuban exiles) taking the field each day, the wealth of arms drafted in the June Amateur draft, and the failing arms at the big league level an Arms Race analogy seemed like a given.

But I was wrong. Nick Canepa surprised me. Congrats, Nick.

Cuckoo for Canepa Analogy:

Call it the Padres Pitching Pandemic. Historic Injury figures aren't readily available, but it's hard to fathom a major league pitching staff that has suffered such a barrage of various arm maladies, some serious enough to require surgery. Instead of the arms of Krupp, this baseball club has been the arms of Venus de Milo.

A freaking Venus de Milo reference! No arms! Ha ha. Didn't even see that coming.

And what of the reference to "the arms of Krupp"?

It could be argued that the Krupp family (German weapons manufacturer) of the Arms of Krupp was the forefather of the Cold War arms race between Russia and the United States. As such, I shall award myself 4 points.

If you saw the Venus de Milo reference coming then you get the maximum allotted points of 7.5*. Congratulations!

*Don't be dim. 7.5 is the number of columns one can read under the U-T's new pay-wall policy.

Thanks for playing today's edition of Cuckoo for Canepa!

A review of the new U-T Sports page

I used to read the Union-Tribune every day. Let me provide a little more context. I used to walk to a corner in the Gaslamp District and purchase one from a vending machine so that I could read the Union-Tribune every day beginning with the Sports page.

Over the years of depositing change* into the newspaper box I felt first hand the rising cost of news as well as the diminished size of our local newspaper. Was there less happening in the world? Much time has passed. Now it's called the U-T.

*I recall the days of .25 cents. Then .35 and .50 cents. Oh, crap. Quoting prices is the death knell of youth!

Yesterday the U-T presented their newly formatted Sports page in what has been described as more of a magazine style. It looks good. A lot of color pictures and a very cool black and white photo from the 1930s at the races in Del Mar. That's the one and only story on page 1. There are previews to other stories including Tight End competition amongst the Chargers, Everth Cabrera's dash for home in the Padres Saturday night win, and the upcoming Olympics in London. The only text written however belongs to the story of Del Mar and the opening of the track on Wednesday.

It's different . . .



I've been down on the U-T Sports page for sometime. Outside of in-season Chargers coverage, admiring a Tim Sullivan column, and laughing at Nick Canepa word jumbles I just don't get my news from there with any regularity. Now, with Tim Sullivan's unfortunate dismissal I have even less reason to return. You could say that I'm skeptical of it all: The paper's content and, its leadership (Doug Manchester and John Lynch).

Contrary to my usual concerns, yesterday's Sunday U-T Sports page was stacked with content. People complained via twitter that the Padres dramatic Saturday evening win in Chavez Ravine didn't deserve to be jammed all the way back on page 11. Sports Editor Jay Posner explained that the decision was a function of advertisements dictating how the inside of the paper is formatted but most importantly, to keep all of Major League baseball together.

In addition to the game recap written by Bill Center, the paper featured a Canepa column (D3*) on pitching injuries, a Chris Jenkins story on Kip Wells' fight to get out of the Mexican League, and a Q & A with Alex Hinshaw. There was a lot to digest. In a good way.

*For those irked that Everth Cabrera and the Padres did not receive mention until page D11, the Canepa column did appear on D3, right as readers open the paper. Maybe Canepa will get buried next time? No. OK. Let's move on.

Is the varied and increased content the product of this simply being the debut of a new format (and a Sunday no less) or is this what readers in San Diego are in for permanently?

The most important thing I read in Sunday's paper was the Q&A with new Executive Sports Editor, Larry Graham. Graham comes from ESPN.com (where he focused on AFC East football) but he also has newspaper experience on his resume.

Graham explains that they're hiring more people to deliver more content including more Chargers coverage (another blog) and increased prep coverage.  It sounds like many ideas will also revolve around the new U-T TV station and the increased staffing will look to deliver more "compelling stories".

Is there a lot more Padres coverage coming? Graham mentions a blog for the Padres which could be good, but it also sounds like the Friars will have to earn their bonus coverage. The largest metropolitan cities have all of the big four sports leagues: NFL, MLB, NBA, and NHL. San Diego has but two of these leagues so sports coverage is distributed in the following way: Chargers, Chargers, Chargers, and Padres.

If you told me all of this 10 years ago I would have been ecstatic. More quality, local, sports content is all a sports junkie could ever ask for during a time when newspapers are downsizing. To integrate a more dense sports page with exclusive web content and a new television station is exciting and it is the dynamic type of product for which I'm willing to pay.

But it's not 10 years ago and again I return to that one little word: skeptical. The leadership at the U-T has made it known that they have an agenda and in terms of local sports it all revolves around a new stadium for the Chargers. They've also made it known that they will terminate the employment of their most talented writer (Tim Sullivan) if that writer does not walk mindlessly in lockstep with those in power. I find that to be a scary prospect when looking for unvarnished truth from those who call themselves journalists.

Will Padres coverage stagnate while emphasis on the Chargers' role in San Diego is emphasized by the U-T? Healthy skepticism is a hallmark of a critical mind but so is an openness to something new. I'm curious to see where the U-T goes.

Not A Farm System Post: Where the fuck is OUR Mike Trout?

Ha! I just pulled you away from the Padres game. And I apologize. It's fucking Saturday night. I don't even fucking blog on Saturday night. But here I am fucking blogging on a Saturday fucking night. Fuck.

I'm just some sorry bastard who can't watch a fucking Padres game on the telE. You see that? TelE? I just made myself British.

"Eh, look mate. How bout some baseball on the telE, eh?"

"Nah, mate i con't wotch a folkin' ting. Haven't gawt Faux."

As I said, this isn't a coMmentary on the Padres farm system.

It's not about Mike Trout either, per se. But the question bears repeating: Where the fuck is OUR Mike Trout?

The answer is really rather simple. Mike trout iS in Anaheim. Anaheim is a place not so far from San Diego. You can drive there. You could also take the train. You could take a cab. Although that would be fucking stupiD.

I need a basebAll game. If I get MLB.TV or the MLB Extra Innings package who am I going to watch? The odds are good that I'm going to watch the guy up the road . . . MIKE "fucking" TROUT!

Why would I watch MIKE "fucking" TROUT? Well, I hear he's really good! And if I become titillated by his play I can jump on the train (not a cab) and make my way to Anaheim to watch him play. I also heard that ownership lowered the price of beer sometime ago.

Look, I'm not some fucking bitch who jumps from team to team. Am I about to become an Angels fan? No. But if I start watching Angels games because they aRE all that's available to me then, well, shit fucking happens.

But forget about me. Think about the kids. Kids in San DIEgo need to be fans of somebody. How about the team up the miserable fucking corridor to Los Angeles where the team coMPEtes AND has super stars who aren't even of legal drinking AgE?

I'm drunk. Fuck! 2012 is MISERABle!

Like Curt Flood before me, I respectfully request (consumer) free-agency

To Whom It May Concern:

I do not know the exact parameters of the agreements between the cable television companies (Cox, Time Warner, etc.) and the government of San Diego. I only know that this market is one that is controlled, Time Warner dominating the county north of the San Diego River while Cox covers the area south of this natural marker.

I do know that I have money to spend but I am being prevented from spending it

I wish to spend money on the product known as the San Diego Padres so that I can watch their baseball games just as my friends do in southern San Diego. But I cannot do this because Time Warner Cable and the newly created Fox Sports San Diego television station cannot find a distribution price to agree upon. I am not afforded the opportunity to switch to a competitor (Direct TV) as my current home resides behind an obstruction to their satellites. Again -- I have money and I want to purchase this product (San Diego Padres games).

If city government grants these companies operating rights in specific zones within San Diego then city government should have the right to call on them to arbitrate for a fair price. If these companies cannot agree upon a price then grant me free agency as a consumer. If they don't want my money let me give it to someone who will take it.

I would like to give my money to Major League Baseball to purchase MLB.TV and I request the opportunity to watch the out of market broadcasts for each team that the San Diego Padres play during the 2012 season. If companies within San Diego cannot figure out a way to accept the money, that I am readily willing to give, then the blackout for Padres games on MLB.TV should be lifted so I can purchase from this competitor.

Respectfully

A Consumer in the city of San Diego

Curt Flood is the reason baseball players are rich and freely move around MLB from team to team. He wrote a letter . . .

Media: All-Star Break shenanigans with Dan Shaughnessy's column of DOOM!

Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe tends to go overboard with everything. Hell, he's the guy who wrote The Curse of the Bambino! Personally, I like Dan Shaughnessy for entertainment value. I'm sure I'd hate him if I were a Red Sox fan -- but I'm not, so the relationship is just fine.

This morning, Dan Shaughnessy fired out a tweet with a link to his latest column titled, What happened to the Red Sox?, and I knew it would be too good to pass up. It was certain to be rife with Mayan prophecy and criticism of Adrian Gonzalez which I never fail to find interesting.

Let's have some fun with Dan Shaughnessy's doom and gloom . . .


 The Red Sox are a trainwreck [sic].

There is no better train-wreck in cinematic history than the one given to us by the creators of The Fugitive with Harrison Ford and Tommy Lee Jones. Actually I can't substantiate that claim. Fugitive was the first film with a train-wreck to pop into my head. It occurred in Chicago. Not Boston. But Tommy Lee Jones went to Harvard . . . which really doesn't matter.

It’s about the third-highest payroll in baseball and not a single playoff game victory since 2008.

The precise date of the Red Sox last win was October 18th, 2008. On this date Nickleback had the only "rock" song in the Billboard 100. This does not make the Red Sox "Nickleback sympathizers" and lovers of all that is douchey in music . . . unless we pretend it does.

It’s about a franchise that has become a parody of itself, led by an ownership group that has lost all sense of accountability.  

I fackin' love parodies and yar outta yar fackin' tree if you don't appreciate a gawd damn pissah of a parody about ow-a Sawx. Accountability. Fackin accountability!

The last-place Red Sox are 43-43 at the All-Star break.

Wait a minute. Doom and gloom over a .500 record at the All-Star break? What the fuck is wrong with Shaughnessy?

Josh Beckett and Jon Lester should be embarrassed. They have come back from the disgrace of September 2011 and done almost nothing.  

I will cut these guys some slack/ Until we bring beer and fried chicken buckets back! And Josh Beckett won the last Red Sox playoff game on October 18th, 2008. Hello? Nickleback?!

Adrian Gonzalez? Six homers at the break. An OBP of .329, with 64 strikeouts and only 23 walks? All this for the bargain price of $154 million? Gonzo has been part of two of the worst collapses in hardball history over the last two Septembers and I’m beginning to think this is not bad luck.

Oh, Adrian. Mopey Adrian. The idea of pinning two September collapses on Adrian Gonzalez is patently absurd. But far be it from me to stop Dan Shaughnessy from doing it. This is what I came for, Dan. Thanks for delivering.

Now Crawford tells us that he eventually will need surgery on the ulnar collateral ligament in his throwing elbow.

Now it's elbow issues for Carl Crawford? I bet he wants to shoot himself in the face over all of these injuries.

Why wait? This is a lost season and it’s not like Carl had any impact last year. There’s no sense rushing to get back to hop aboard this southbound train.

The second best train-wreck in cinematic history occurs in M. Night Shyamalan's Unbreakable. I can't substantiate this either I just really liked the film. And it popped into my head second.

Excellent work bringing the train metaphor full circle. Around the train-track of life. So to speak.

Happy All-Star break.

Andrew Cashner and elbowing myself in the head

The following post is about Andrew Cashner. The first few paragraphs will do many a thing to dissuade you from this fact. Again. Andrew Cashner.

If I'm ever to find myself in a state of disapproval over an issue of some sort then I will shoot myself in the face. This sort of if-then statement is violent but it serves a purpose. When I want others to know just how strongly I feel, the following if-then statement, might escape from my lips:

I swear to God. If I have to watch another episode of Full House, featuring John Stamos's hair and those insufferable twin baby girls, then I will shoot myself in the face.

But there's an inherent dilemma with such extreme hyperbole; AJM would be using it in front of his daughters who are watching said programming. Mrs. AJM believes this to be a family oriented show and worthy of the family's time. AJM believes another episode could lead to a figurative gun shot wound to the face. AJM will exercise caution both with his use of descriptive epithets in front of children and further use of third person language.

Which brings me to my alternative. Rather than use the blatant imagery expressed above I will instead say, "Blah, blah, blah, then I will elbow myself in the head."

It's not nearly as extreme and the outcome is latent. Let me explain . . .


When people hear you mention self-abuse via elbow they will be forced to mentally question, "Could I elbow myself in the head?" In fact they're likely to attempt the act themselves.

Forming a 90 degree angle, they'll raise their arm, and gently place the flesh covering the ulnar collateral ligament to their temple and they'll say, "A-ha! I can elbow myself in the head."

I'll just smile in the way that people do when they mean to say, "Never mind. You fucking idiot."

But what these people don't realize is that I watch MMA and the side of the elbow is not at all the elbow. The elbow is the point of the elbow and it can be used to inflict serious bodily harm. In order for one to use the point of their elbow to accost one's self, one must violently dislocate their own shoulder to provide the necessary range of motion to inflict the blunt force elbow trauma.

What I have described is violent but subtle as people simply don't understand what I mean. And it doesn't include a gun. Despite the 2nd Amendment of 1791 granting, we the people, the permission to arm ourselves, people don't like guns.

So . . .

If Andrew Cashner's trip to the DL (or any other future injury while starting sends him to the DL) forces Padres management to send him back to the bullpen due to concerns of fragility then I will elbow myself in the head.

Last week Craig Elsten wrote the following in his XX1090 column:

Even if the risk is another arm issue, Cashner’s value as a starter is so much greater than what he offers as a reliever, the reward makes the risk worth taking.  Bad teams don’t have much use for closers and even less for set-up men.

Elsten's conclusion, regarding Cashner's potential value and the nature of bullpen set-up men, is an important one.

Set-up men can be had for next to nothing. Edward Mujica. Ryan Webb. Mike Adams. Luke Gregerson. Heath Bell.

The aforementioned constituted one of the strongest bullpens in major league baseball a couple of years ago and they're all guys off the scrap-heap. The Padres didn't give up much to acquire them.

The Padres certainly did not deal a top prospect, one considered to be amongst the top 50 prospects in all of baseball for one of those bullpen arms. But they did deal that top chip when they sent Anthony Rizzo to the Cubs for Andrew Cashner. Because of the quality dealt for Cashner we are left with no other conclusion than, for this trade to pan-out, Andrew Cashner  must provide value out of the starting rotation.

I agree with Craig Elsten. Run Andrew Cashner back out there. Keep doing it. Do it until he's a mega superstar or until he can literally elbow himself in the head . . . so I don't have to figuratively do it to myself. Even figurative abuse carries its own type of pain.

Why I will watch the 2012 All-Star game

Because I can't watch the Padres and it's nearly impossible for me to watch a baseball game that isn't the FUCKING Yankees or Red Sox!

Fuck you, Time Warner Cable. Fuck you, Fox Sports San Diego. Fuck you, ESPN. Fuck!

Padres and Pints: Societe Brewing with Bob Chandler

Last week we met with former Padres announcer Bob Chandler over at Societe Brewing for the latest Padres and Pints. 

The occasion was significant for us at Padres and Pints as Bob Chandler holds the distinction of being the original guest -- only then we called this little video-taping session Beers with Bob. Since then, with a rotation of guests and a moving set, it has evolved into Padres and Pints.

And if you watch closely, you'll see my screen debut. But it's quick! It's like that scene in Fight Club with the giant . . . oh, never mind. Just keep an eye out and say ya saw me so I can feel like more than just a sexy hand that occasionally raises itself during toasts while taping.

Fox Sports San Diego's Cary Chow also showed up to tape us taping Bob. And then, just to mess with Cary we started filming them, filming us, filming Bob. Wahhhhhh! So we might be on TV. Who knows . . .

While viewing Episode 5 of Padres and Pints entertain yourself with a little drinking game called  “Find the Fox Sports SD Camera!”

Intro and the Evolution of Beers with Bob

0:00-2:10

Bob’s take on the 2012 Padres (Includes bright spots!)

2:11-5:00

How will the rest of the season shake out?

5:01-6:10

Do you even get the Fox Sports San Diego channel, Bob?

6:11-7:02

Thoughts on Ownership Future and Past

7:13- 12:17

Societe Brewing: Douglas Constantiner breaks it down for Padres and Pints

12:18-15:22

Rapid Fire!!!! (Conducted at a leisurely pace . . .)

15:24-18:55

Outtake with Cary Chow of Fox Sports San Diego

19:17-20:01

Everth Cabrera's bat flip and a Headley question

What a great still. Everth Cabrera comes up with the bases loaded and pounds the first pitch he sees, plating Yasmani Grandal with the winning run last nigh against the Reds.

 I love the confidence from ECab here -- look at that bat flip! He knows something that nobody else does . . .


Look at all those folks still sitting behind the plate. Must be the food coma that comes along with the price of a Sony Home Plate Club ticket.

I just found out the result of this game so I'm kind of excited. Waking up and watching the highlights on MLB is becoming my sad Time Warner Cable induced reality. I am adapting.

Glad to see that Latos pitched well without getting the win. He had a great quote that showed some maturity after the game:

"The rotation, everyone, has been pitching real well. It's baseball," Latos said. "I went out there in Cleveland and gave up seven runs and the team scored seven runs to back me up. Today was a grind offensively and defensively and pitching. Things didn't go our way today."

For a guy who always gets his maturity questioned that's a good quote. It's got your standard cliches but he also notes how his offense picked him up when he shit the bed in Cleveland. Good for him.

***

A Headley Question

When people complain about Chase Headley they often cite his the following: he's terrible at turning water into wine, doesn't get clutch hits, he's more a false prophet than Savior, and he Ks too much.

Chase Headley does K a lot. Last night he went 1 for 3 with a walk, though strikeout was the mode by which Mat Latos retired Headley each time last night. Headley has now struck out 81 times in 356 PAs. That's one strikeout for every 4.4 PAs. Those are brutal numbers to look at but we can't dismiss his 50 walks and .374 OBP. Those numbers are good and they matter.

My question: Who does Chase Headley compare to in terms of ability to draw walks with a discerning eye but who also swings and misses with great frequency?

We have to keep in mind that there are plenty of guys who strikeout and walk with great frequency. They are called power hitters. Headley has 8 HRs and will likely finish with a career high this season but the total certainly won't be enough to qualify as power hitter.

Here's who I think of first: switch hitting Red Sox infielder, Mark Bellhorn!

Mark Bellhorn was the most frustrating guy to watch hit. He was brutal as a Padre but I'm thinking more of his time with the Red Sox. That was a guy who could get a walk but boy did he flail at pitches. In 2004 he came to the plate 620 times and K'd a whopping 177 (1K/3.5PA) of them while hitting a respectable17 HRs. But he also walked 88 times which led to a .373 OBP. I find these strikeout and walk totals to be such a strange dichotomy.

Who is Chase Headley? Will it even matter to Padres fans in a month?

Fireworks weren't the only things to come early

Between grilling steaks, talking about friends my dad lost in Vietnam, and a bizarre fireworks show in Imperial Beach, I found my self able to watch the Padres play on television. This has only happened a handful of times in 2012*.

 *The part about watching the Padres. 

I crouched on a rooftop as the fireworks came early, about the same time Yasmani Grandal poked a pinch hit 2-run HR to give the Padres the lead and propel them to their first ever sweep in Arizona.

I didn't know about Grandal's HR until today. As we raced to escape the throng of vexed fireworks spectators I caught the bottom of the 9th on the radio. I was unaware of Grandal's heroics. I bet it was exciting last night. I'm excited now. I feel like the IB fireworks.

There was something else that caused elation in me last night, though. Back in the 7th inning my enthusiasm acted as a premonition for what was to unfold at the foot of Imperial Beach's rustic pier. My personal fireworks went something like this: Chris Denorfia singles to RF: Chris Denorfia steals second base.

Alexi Amarista drills one right up the box.

Chris Denorfia comes around to score, breaking a 3-3 tie.

That was exciting. It was very 2010. It was how the Padres should attempt to win games.

The steak was excellent. The chicken a little overcooked on account of my salmonella paranoia. The fireworks show . . . memorable. Chris Denorfia and Alexi Amarista . . . happy 4th of July you blue collar, lunch pail, motherf*ckers!

Lost In Translation: Wilin Rosario talks about Yasmani Grandal's big game

I don't even know who Wilin Rosario is. According to his Baseball-Reference page he's built like a fire-plug (5'11" and 215 lbs), appears to have some power (13 HRs), and he's from the Dominican Republic (the place where Christopher Columbus landed and began subjugating natives).

He's also 23 years old.

This is significant because it probably indicates he has not been speaking English very long (likely 2006 when the Rockies acquired him). But maybe, just maybe, he speaks excellent English but provides odd quotes when he's half naked, wearing a towel in a locker room, and speaking to MLB reporters about a fellow catcher from the Caribbean . . .


After Yasmani Grandal's record breaking Saturday, when the switch hitting catcher's first two major league hits went for home runs from each side of the plate,  the Colorado catcher said the following to MLB reporter, Trey Scott:

And color Rockies catcher Wilin Rosario -- who hit a home run of his own in the fifth -- very impressed.

"I'd never seen that guy. The only thing I can tell you is he's strong, like me," Rosario said. "He's got power, too. He's a good hitter. That sometimes happens."

Wilin Rosario is modest. And completely unaware of history. "That sometimes happens"? Quotes can be really dumb. That sometimes happens.

Could the quote have been presented differently? Let's look at the Colorado wrap, written by MLB reporter, Thomas Harding:

"I'd never seen that guy," Rosario said of Grandal. "The only thing I can tell you is he's strong, like me."

Wilin Rosario is still modest. I like that. A lot. But the superfluous part of the quote was cut-out, a wise decision by Harding. Now, as readers, we have all that is necessary from Yasmani Grandal's rookie catcher counterpart in Colorado.

I also like that I am ignorant to the fact that Wilin Rosario lacks all sense of baseball history which is important. Well, it's not really that important.

Thomas Harding defeats Trey Scott in this round of game recaps! Where is Corey Brock, goddamn it?!