Darrel Akerfelds and Western meditations on death

While at Spring Training a couple of years ago, Dan Hayes, formerly of the North County Times, made a comment about Padres pitching coach Darren Balsley. The comment in question suggested a real appreciation for  "Balls" as a baseball mind but also who he was as a man.

When news broke that bullpen coach Darrel Akerfelds had finally succumbed to the pancreatic cancer that he had been diagnosed with in 2010, I began to contemplate the nature of death.

I also wondered what Dan would think.


Having left San Diego last week to begin his new job covering the White Sox I thought Dan would likely have an insightful comment on "Ak" but would be without the forum in a Chicago news outlet to say it. I offered Dan space at AJM to write something if he wished and he responded with the following quotes:

"Ak was a great man. I wish I knew him as well as his teammates did. He was just a guy who loved his job and didn't want the limelight."

"What I do know is the man took on his battle with more courage and bravery than most. He always believed, with us, he would make it."

"Jake Peavy put it best: 'I think the way he handled his situation is inspirational'. I'm saddened by the loss but proud to have known Ak."

Many who commented on the loss of Darrel Akerfelds yesterday, offered that he was a great man. I used the word 'courage' when I first learned of his death. And I couldn't agree more with Jake Peavy in his description of Ak as 'inspirational'.

Darrel Akerfelds was inspirational. After being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer he managed his chemotherapy around the 2011 season so as to miss as few games as possible. While battling his cancer he still coached in 148 of the Padres games last year, an amazing commentary on his mental and physical toughness, but also his commitment to the ideals of team.

I saw Darrel Akerfelds at Spring Training in late March of this year. Once a large man, he had been reduced considerably by his physical battle. He looked like a boy in his uniform as he transitioned from batting cage to dugout. We all shook our heads in disbelief as we watched his slow, deliberate movements. I couldn't bring myself to take a photograph of him. That Darrel Akerfelds had even made it to Spring Training in such a weakened state said so much about him as a person.

I've always had a keen interest in Buddhism and other Far Eastern philosophies. The basic tenets of Buddhism always resonate most when I think of death: Life is impermanent; life is suffering; seek to eliminate suffering by reducing attachment.

If we were able to accept impermanence, the transient nature of all life, it would be so much easier to let go when someone passes away. I would make a terrible Buddhist because I often find it so difficult to let go, to greedily want more time with those people around us. This is my Western mind. My Eastern mind understands what to do in the case of death but that Western hemisphere has a powerful hold.

My uncle passed away a little over two years ago now. It's difficult to keep the timeline straight because there never was a funeral. He was a great man. I knew of his greatness when I was 15 years old. He had married my father's sister so we were not related by blood but I always felt like he cared about me more than anyone. Everyone felt that way about him. It's what made him great. My aunt didn't handle his death well. We waited and waited on word for the funeral arrangements but that word never came. My aunt couldn't handle the impermanence of my uncle's existence. I don't fault her - who would want to let go of such greatness?

I have daughters now. I think of my mortality often but not out of my own fear of impermanence. I fear not being there for my children as they grow, as they navigate their way through life and require the guidance of a father. Those are difficult thoughts, Western thoughts that can be crippling.

We will all die, this cannot be controlled. We can control our approach to life, though. We can control how we treat those around us. We can also reveal ourselves when faced with adversity. Darrel Akerfelds has shown us this over the last two years.

If we focus on living well, perhaps when our time comes, friends and family will accept the temporary nature of who we were. I suppose that it is my Far Eastern dream -- that there will be acceptance and that maybe I will have done enough to be described in the same way I thought of my uncle.

Here's to the hope that the family of Darrel Akerfelds finds solace in the revelation that so many people close to him thought of greatness first.

I want to thank Dan Hayes for taking the time to give a few comments about a Darrel Akerfelds.

Choosing the Right Friends and the Procurement of Stuff

A love of taco shops and Padres history has brought together the artists known as AJM and RJ's Fro. The ancillary benefits of this union have allowed AJM to tag along to cool functions like Beers with Bob, Fro on Fro with Jane Mitchell, and last but certainly not least, early entrance into events like last Saturday's Fanfest.

Fanfest was a fantastic time. Let's explore what this means...


Human Interaction Opportunities

It's cool to meet people from Twitter and the other Padre bloggers who were previously clever but faceless humans. I got to meet Geoff... errr, Bip... from Ducksnorts. This was cool because I'm a big fan of Ducksnorts. And Bip Roberts.

There were many others I met for the first time, as well. People starting a brown revolution, the guys from Lob Shots, the Tucson Padres, and a host of others. It's nice to put faces to witty comments and phony avatars.

The Garage Sale: bats

Sometimes I cannot resist purchasing memorabilia and assorted knick-knacks. When I saw people emerging from the Fanfest Garage Sale with baseball bats I could not resist. Of course the line to the sale extended to Imperial Beach so I was left to lament my losses over Twitter. As it turns out, being a crybaby to a large audience can serve as a valuable tool. I was quickly contacted by a Twitter friend who acted on my behalf in procuring an autographed Eric Owens bat.

I now own two bats which have been autographed by the previous owners. One is by the aforementioned Owens and the other is from Mark Kotsay during his time as a Padre. Quick... why is that odd? Discuss amongst yourselves...

The Garage Sale: game worn jerseys

Beautown and I were leaving Fanfest for Lolita's at day's end we passed by the Garage Sale. We could not pass up the opportunity to see what the fuss was about. I thought there was a small chance of a Joe Randa jersey having survived from the autumn of 2005 so in we entered, searching for my Holy Grail.

As I flipped through the alphabetized jerseys (the Holy Grail was not there) I sought a player that would be synonymous with the San Diego Padres. Those who have been in the Garage Sale know that this is no easy task as many of the surviving jerseys tend to be game worn from Spring Training or from those served brief cups of coffee with the Padres. As fans we often have very slim recollections of these players and their time spent in San Diego. But then I found the one... something that would fit my criteria.... it was a #71 Mark Merila game worn jersey.

For those who may have forgotten, Mark Merila was the Padres bullpen catcher up until a brain tumor left him unable to perform his duties. With the recent diagnosis of Darrel Akerfelds having cancer I thought that a tribute to one of these guys would be apropos entering 2011. The Merila #71 jersey in sand won out*.

It's nice to have a jersey with some greater significance... and in a color that the Padres front office has rejected. I'm such an iconoclast with my proclivities for brown and sand.

The Garage Sale: jersey restoration project

I have an awesome brown '84 jersey. But while awesome it is highly problematic. The jersey has the #44 and the name Peavy stitched on the back. I don't like wearing jerseys of guys who get traded. So at the time of Peavy getting dealt I had a moment of, what I shall define as, brilliance**.

I could stand to live with the #44 on the back of the jersey, a nod to Peavy's productive tenure, but I had to remove his name, lest I celebrate a player plying his trade in Chicago. I decided that risking another name in this era of Free agency was a foolhardy plan so I decided to put the following letters on the jersey... PTBNL.

The infamous Player To Be Named Later tag seemed like the perfect idea for my retro '84 jersey. Never again would I have to worry about the comings-and-goings of Padre stars and as a bonus it may be an idea built to elicit a chuckle from fans in the know. But where would I get the gold lettering that wouldn't make it look like a cheap knock off jersey?

The answer to all questions is the Padres Fanfest Garage Sale! The Padres were pedaling all kinds of randomness not the least of which were the gold letters I needed to spell out, P-T-B-N-L.

I feel good. Now I just need to find a seamstress.

The Garage Sale: patches

Another cool thing I bought was the 2003 Commemorative patch celebrating the Padres leaving Jack Murphy Stadium (The Q) for Petco Park. I bought two. No, I don't know what I'll do with them.

I can't believe that was the first Fanfest I've ever attended. That statement makes me feel like a fool. It was a great time and I didn't even get to walk around and experience everything.

Next year*** I'll be sure to shirk my duties with The Fro so I can get Mat Latos' autograph, unearth the elusive Holy Grail and simply lay down in the grass of shallow center field.

*Maybe I can get a Darrel Akerfelds jersey at next year's Garage Sale. But with all due respect to  Akerfelds... I'll first be searching for the Grail... I know it is there.
**We all have different definitions. Leave me be.
*** Next year I need to get Fro'd ...