David Ortiz And The Brilliance of Manny Ramirez

The New York times leaked two more names from the 2003 confidential PED test today. The names: Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz. Manny Ramirez gave a heartfelt and logical explanation for their names being part of the failed '03 test:

Manny Ramirez tells ESPN's Bob Holzman that 50 game suspension was embarrassing but release of his name "isn't that big of a deal"
Ramirez: "Me and David (Ortiz) are mountains: This isn't going to have any impact on either of us. We're both going to keep hitting."

Well it wasn't really logical nor was it heartfelt. It was a pretty arrogant statement, though.What an idiot.

What say you, Faithful Eleven?

Bud Selig: A Real Man of Genius

Manny and his three ring circus will arrive on Friday at which time his suspension for Performance Enhancing Drugs will be lifted, permitting him to reemerge against the Padres.

Well the suspension was already lifted....... since Manny's already played games in Albuquerque and up the road in Lake Elsinore within the last few days. It may seem odd that a player suspended for 50 games is playing right now, but really it's not. It's quite brilliant. It wouldn't be fair for Manny to show up on Friday July 3rd without the proper "fitness regimen" that an eight game minor league stint provides.

It is in the dialogue between Major League Baseball and the MLB Players Association that these concessions are haggled over and it takes a true Leader to approve of these negotiations. That leader is Bud Selig and he doesn't get paid $17 million a year for doing nothing....

“Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall.”
-Stephen Covey

Stephen Covey's seminal work, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, is required reading amongst the elite performers in the business world of which Bud Selig is no doubt an adherent. Bud Selig, as Commissioner, has MLB's ladder leaning against the right wall. How else could you explain ONLY two players' names being leaked from the confidential PED test administered in 2003 (Alex Rodriguez and Sammy Sosa)? Selig's brilliance is not limited to slow leakage, though.

"Hace calor en Albuquerque.....Yo soy listo para un Isotope frio. Me gustan Isotopes."
(It is hot in Albuquerque...I am ready for a cold isotope. I like isotopes)
Seriously...direct quote...Manny being stupid Manny

It is his silence regarding Manny Ramirez's allowance to play baseball for a Dodger minor league affiliate while on suspension that is the true sign of leadership. To showcase Bud's ability to lead, MLB officials came up with "Rule 9(i) rehab" (from Bill Plaschke of the LA Times):

When negotiating the drug policy three years ago, baseball officials felt they had to allow for minor league rehab assignments in order to get union agreement on a 50-game suspension total. The union was claiming that, otherwise, with the player needing to get back in shape, the suspensions actually would amount to more than 60 games.

Officials were also receiving pressure from their clubs to allow the players to do rehab assignments during the suspensions, instead of later, so the teams did not have to pay the players while they were in the minor leagues.

In the end, the baseball bosses were so desperate for any sort of penalty, they caved in to everybody. And perhaps they hoped that everyone would be so happy the druggies were finally being punished, nobody would notice.

Genius!

Now that's having your ladder leaning against the correct wall. Leadership, people. Leadership.

Bud Selig: A leader for a new time.
Managers do things right; leaders do the right thing. This is the primary difference between a good manager and a good leader. A good leader is passionate about excellence and must therefore strive for continuous improvements and change. In other words, a good leader knows that insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results.

Friday night's game is sold out....I can only hope that the intrigue is a result of reasonable fans going to the park to boo ManRam and not an impending Dodger fan exodus from LA arriving in SD Friday night. This is San Diego and unfortunately I believe it to be the latter.......

Here's The Laundry List Of "Nutbar-Type-Fans" Who Raul Ibanez Should Be Lashing Out Against

Raul Ibanez came out guns blazin' against "42 year old bloggers who live in their parent's basement" when it was proclaimed that his HR production could possibly be the by-product of performance enhancing drugs. The point of the blog post was that, unfortunately in MLB, everyone is suspect because---history tells us so. Ibanez would hear of this 'accusation' by the Midwest Sports Fans, and claim:

"You can have my urine, my hair, my blood, my stool - anything you can test. I'll give you back every dime I've ever made [if the test is positive]."

"I'll put that up against the jobs of anyone who writes this stuff. Make them accountable. There should be more credibility than some 42-year-old blogger typing in his mother's basement. It demeans everything you've done with one stroke of the pen."

In reality, Ibanez's frustrations are somewhat misdirected. After all, the bloggers in question really only discussed (and tried to refute) what many fans have thought to themselves.........

"Who was the last 37 year old slugger who saw a marked increase in HR production?"

We're about to help redirect Raul Ibanez's frustration......these 42 year old basement dwellers are but a microcosm in the long line of humans who he should really be lashing out against. Let us begin with:

Dudes Who Don't Like Sports:
Ibanez should be gathering his recent 2009-All-Star-Bid-Supporting-Cabal to attack this segment of the population. These 'men' do absolutely nothing to contribute to Ibanez's $10 million dollar salary. They are a drag on the MLB's economy as well as a thorn in the side of all sports talking men.

These are the boyfriends/husbands who we are forced to hang out with when the ladies have a get-together. They are quickly ostracized for not being able to follow our conversations. To them, Raul Ibanez might as well be a Latin American dictator installed via a CIA sponsored coup de etat. Attack these 42 year old homeowners, Raul.....they do not contribute to your bottom line and they provide awkward moments of silence in the social settings we are forced to be a part of.

Blog Commenters
Bloggers can be critical but it's often those that comment who wield the mightiest sword

That is Fuc%*ng foul!!! But funny nonetheless.

Nice to get a Splendid Splinter reference....also a shout for San Diego.

Poetic...yet a mockery of Ibanez's plea for acceptance.

What's worse, Raul? The Deadspin article or those who comment? Those fellas are vicious and will unleash their cleverness on you like a hammer. Although, as sports fans who are committed to reading about sports they probably watch a fair amount and also help line your pockets. Just get a thick skin for this one....Philadelphia thick.

Fans Who Road Trip To See Their Teams
Raul----These people are dangerous. They will seek you out on the road and pester you to have a drink with them. Before you know it you'll be reliving the movie The Hangover. You'll never see these guys again so no explanation will be forthcoming as to why you woke up still bald, but with sideburns and mayonnaise in your ear. There will still be no explanation that accompanies the pictures distributed country wide that include you passed out with an unidentified nut-sack dangling over your forehead. Do not accept drinks and shots from these fans.....they are dangerous.....much more dangerous than bloggers. They too are 42 years old but very willing "to get crazy" because their wives gave them hall passes for the weekend. Be wary, Raul.

Fans Who Cry Over Team losses
You weren't crying as the losses mounted in Seattle nor should these pathetic fans. It's really sad and we'd be better off Raul, if you went after kids like this....although they do contribute mightily to your bottom line. Without this group of die-hards multi-year contracts in excess of $30 million would be impossible. You might need to go easy on him......your choice.

Jersey Wearing Autograph Seekers
These fools are living vicariously through you via your #29 pin-striped Philly jersey........and they WILL sell your autograph once they get it. Do not allow this exploitation of your labor and renown. These 42 year-olds who accost you are assuredly living in their mom's basement. Shun them.

Face/Body Painters
On the Spectrum of Over-the-Top Sports Fans these people are the most dangerous as their most defining characteristic is having a chemical imbalance. They are a minority and contribute very little to society in general. They contribute even less to Raul Ibanez's bottom line. These are 42 year-olds who have their mothers paint them silly before heading out to the ballpark and Raul Ibanez would do well to issue a public condemnation of their idiocy. Bloggers have nothing on this faction....

In summation: Raul Ibanez should worry less about keyboard wielding bloggers (and what they didn't actually write) and instead focus his energy on the miserable spectrum of fans discussed above....they are the true antagonists. Of course he could also lash out at his contemporaries......the ones who have been found to be drug cheats, and in the process, tarnished the images of all clean players in Major League Baseball.

Editor's Disclaimer:
I AM a dude who likes sports but I have never cried over a loss.

I do comment on other blogs but do not seek out autographs while wearing my jersey in support of said team I am following around the country......all illicit photos of compromised ball players "getting clowned" are under lock and key awaiting an appropriate time for release.

I would NEVER be a body painter....I am however, ashamed of the ONE time I painted my face in high school. Sometimes experience is the best teacher.

Obviously I write a blog that unwittingly creates an environment where Raul Ibanez can maximize his profit potential through unwarranted hype and exposure. He is a benefactor of my dedication to a frivolous hobby.

Due to California's daily battle with plate tectonics my mother is precluded from having a basement. I am not 42 years old.

We Endorse The "Vote For Manny" Blog

Satire is good.

Through humor, eyes are pried wide open. Satire promotes inquiry. It can even be a catalyst for change. When we discuss "change" it is not in the political context of "Change we can believe in"......no, the change we have in mind is not some ubiquitous slogan which was put through market research groups, approved, and printed in mass.

No, the change some of us are looking for is not in the abstract but the concrete......wet concrete......and to mix our metaphors we'll just say, the sloppy sort of wet concrete mess you might find in the shorts of Commissioner Bud Selig as the 2009 All star game approaches. Hard ball fans: we bring to your awareness.....

www.voteformanny.blogspot.com

A clever blog by a NY fan/writer/polemicist whose purpose is to promote the selection of Manny Ramirez INTO the All Star game via fan vote......but not for the reasons you think. This venture is strictly a means to an end for we, the fans of the game.

The idea: to force Bud Selig's hand in having to acknowledge and then address the possibility of a positive testing player (Performance Enhancing Drugs) making the all-star team. As San Diegans we saw a similar situation and the firestorm that ensued back in '05 when Shawne Merriman made the Pro Bowl after having served a 4 game steroid suspension. We are presented with a fantastic opportunity sport fans. Do not let the possibility of that Dread-head douche occupying left field in Busch Stadium deter you from forcing the issue.

There are those that will argue that voting for Manny, who is currently running fourth in the voting, will only prevent a more deserving player from earning a spot:

Raul has been solid. You need not worry. Mr. Selig will do the right thing.

Sorry. Sometimes you must destroy something beautiful to rebuild it correctly. Without pain there can not be gain. Insert any other metaphor you'd like but the bottom line is that the drug issue must be confronted on a national platform and more likely than not Raul Ibanez would thank you for providing him a nice little vacation during the middle of an arduous season.

There are those that will argue that this sort of measure will only serve to further damage the image of MLB:

C.J. has tarnished his own image. Edit twice...publish once my friend.

See previous argument. MLB already has two black eyes and they've been achieved under the stewardship of Commissioner Selig. This could be an opportunity for Bud to do the right thing by implementing a policy shift that illustrates an act of good faith for MLB's fans (i.e. banning Manny and all future positive testers from All-Star games and to take it a step further---ban these players from eligibility for individual season awards----this would show that he takes the PED issue seriously).

Lastly there are those who just don't quite understand the literary device of satire....

No....insanity is responding to things you disagree with at 3:30 AM

....or you don't know how to read and instead resort to inferences based on the titles of blogs you look at-- and please notice that we use the words "look at" and not "read". Hopefully one day you'll get it and when you do, "it'll be the most beautiful day of your life." A Durdian moment to be sure.

Vote Manny in so that Bud can vote him out. Exact some Change We Can Believe In: Vote on-line for Manny Ramirez and visit the blog created in his "honor". Vote For Manny Blog

Los Angeles Dodgers Website for Direct Voting and Ballot Box Stuffing.

**Comments courtesy of nit wits visiting the Vote For Manny Blog.