Providence Intervenes: Charger LB, Matt Wilhelm Released

I received a text message today and it read:

"Chargers just got rid of Wilhelm--Praise be to Allah!"

I guess prayer five times a day can achieve divine intervention......Charger Fans sigh in relief.

Back in January when the Bolts got knocked out by the Steelers I wrote a post which basically gave a laundry list of reasons why Wilhelm needed to go (one of which was his high five of Santonio Holmes after his TD punt return and another was his willingness to help the opposition to their feet after every play). In that post I used Malcolm X and Machiavelli to try and explain the type of LB Wilhelm needed to be. Now we get references to Allah. How does such a nice guy from middle America get linked to such controversial historical figures as those? It does not matter...our defense just got better. Best wishes to the Wilhelm family, personally and professionally.

Go back in time and read one of this site's most viewed posts of the year......the one where we feel guilty for being so critical of such a nice guy.

Pardon me.......can I help you up?

Cards and Steelers Advance to Super Bowl XLIII

At first glance....We'd take the Mascot with the Jaw and Unibrow.

"Today is one of the greatest days of my life, second only to the day I was born."

Arizona Native---"Yes I am serious
...and Stop Calling me Shirley"

We're sure that this was the exact sentiment of nearly every Arizona resident who had watched their team toil in futility ever since arriving from Chicago via St. Louis. We felt the excitement too as it was not that long ago that while doing dishes in our college apartment kitchen (see: piled up heaps of bowls, plates and anything else we could find) we could peer out to the lower Skydome field and watch the Cardinals prepare themselves for the regular season by laboring in the thin mountain air of Flagstaff, Arizona.

So we will pull for the Cardinals based on our associations.....friends and former residences by birth and educational happenstance. On to observations and complaints from a thrilling (kinda) day in football....

Jaw dropping first half---How are the Cardinals up by this much? Are they gonna blow it? No!!! Adrian Wilson is a stud! God sides with the Cardinals/Kurt Warner. Blah, Blah, Blah....Below you will see two images, and those are my lasting impressions from the game.

Sorry these pictures are so shitty

No Kurt Warner is not kissing Asante Samuel.....but considering that Samuel just missed out on a chance to go to the Superbowl he sure looks happy. The next image is that of Correll Buckhalter doing one of those "jump as high in the air as you can and bump each other's rear ends" celebrations.....which is all good except Edgerin James plays for the Cardinals (yes...the team that made the Superbowl) and Mr. Buckhalter.....you sir....play for the Eagles....the team that just missed the Super Bowl....why the fuck are you so EXCITED?

Now we remember C. Buckhalter from 2001 when we added him to our Fantasy Roster as a Rookie. What does that mean aside from our FF team being really horrible and lacking in RB depth? Well it means that Buckhalter has been around for a lot of NFC Championship Game disappointments so why would he be so happy after a heart breaking loss? We don't have the answer to this but if we were Eagle fans we would be extraordinarily pissed off. It drew our ire because we had a somewhat similar scenario with the behavior of Matt Wilhelm in the Divisional loss to Pittsburgh. It is all too apparent that WE care WAY MORE than a lot of these fellas, and that's disappointing. I'd be crying like a despondent little girl if I missed the opportunity to be the best in the world at something...

Crying like a little girl as he sees it all slipping away...

Below is the vicious hit of the week. Ryan Clark, the same guy who nearly killed Wes Welker a month ago, was on the delivering end of a hit that saw Willis McGahee carted off to the hospital. It was brutal and begs the following question: should defensive players be penalized for not attempting to wrap-up and tackle as is the requirement in Rugby Union Football? Hits sure are fun to watch but they're becoming more and more violent and ultimately more dangerous. Deadspin also questioned the legality of the hit to which we merely added the Rugby component. Click to see the hit in action.

McClarked!!!!

This entire game was a brutal hard hitting affair and very entertaining despite the fact that the Ravens offense was directed by a Muppet...

You Fucking, Muppet!

Pardon me..... can I help you up ?

Now for a look at Linebackers.

That is #57, Matt Wilhelm of "Thee Ohio State University". He may have been the primary tackler on this play but there is only one thing we can be absolutely sure about....he's preparing to help the fallen Steeler off of the deck.

I wanna hold your hand...

We don't have the stat sheet in front of us to confirm Wilhelm's number of tackles from Sunday but we do know that he led all players in "lending a helping hand to fallen Steelers", "congratulatory slaps on the ass of the opposition", and the only "I can't wait to tell you how awesome that punt return was for a touchdown my fellow Thee Ohio State University Alumnus Santonio Holmes"....a real mouthful to be sure. It is true that Matt Wilhelm is a good sport and a nice post game interview . What Matt Wilhelm is not is an NFL Linebacker.

When you are slow and players run past you........ when you lack quickness and players sidestep you....... when you attempt to tackle players you miss entirely or they bounce off of you...... when you make an "excellent" tackle it really means that the player ran over you and you held on.....when you NEVER drive a player backwards in the tackle...... then there is a huge problem. That huge problem is that YOU ARE NOT AN NFL LINEBACKER!

Now what has been described in the previous paragraph at length is what would be a part of an NFL linebacker's skill set. There are certain physical attributes that a LB must be in possession of. Absent these skills, said linebacker must use other means at his disposal .....means that might be considered, suspect, marginal, lacking in moral fiber or dare we be blunt and say dirty! We advocate wholeheartedly, a Machiavellian approach, for any defensive player who is trying to achieve his ends. The role of the less physically gifted player is to try and hang around the League by any means necessary (see Malcolm X).....

The "means" I spoke of in The Prince, my seminal treatise on maintaining power, focused extensively on groin strikes.

..... the means to achieving a Linebackers' ends includes, but is not limited to: scratching, biting, kicking....eye gouging and fish hooking....groin striking.... head slaps, clips, horse collars and face masks....and one of our favorites: spitting in the face of the opposition thus incurring un-sportsman like penalties, and $7,500 fines but infuriating the spat on player none the less...

The Original "Romo" versus J.J. Stokes out of Point Loma HS

(a little exaggerated but the player we were thinking of when discussing white linebackers who get under your skin....Romo...the original Romo!) Wilhelm's only shot in lieu of his deficiencies is to be THAT guy who you hate to play because he gets in your head. Alas, Matt Wilhelm does not have it in him...he is a nice guy. After all, we did see him on One-on-One with Jane Mitchell.

Man I feel like a dick for saying all of the above...

This is a sentiment that we tried to convey on a call in to Scott and BR this last Monday morning but as a first time caller we quite emphatically "shit the bed". It came out something like, "Wilhelm...ahhh...helpin' every one up...errrrr...skill set....groin strikes....ahhh....errr!". So we felt that we needed to qualify our remarks in a more civil and articulate manner....if civility is at all possible when discussing dirty play and the art of the groin strike.

In Summation:

• Wilhelm must go.

• Stephen Cooper was a leader and pretty solid when he wasn't flexing his biceps at the Dolphins sidelines during game losing drives.... or missing 4 games due to illegal vitamin suspensions.

• Jyles Tucker signed a long term contract... but did he do anything this year?

• Tim Dobbins....physical but probably not more than a backup.

• Anthony Waters....reportedly a beast....couldn't work past Wilhelm? Where is he?
  

• Shawn Phillips.... seemed to miss his partner.

• Shawne Merriman.... we miss you. Thank you for remaining committed to the team even though you were on IR...Soul of the Charger Defense.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions.