My Dean Spanos Experience; and the fear it instills

Relax Sir... I am a professional.

During the dying days of the Marty Schottenheimer Era I met Dean Spanos.

Well I didn't really meet him. I observed his behavior. I was like Jane Goodall and he was... well... he was still Dean Spanos. My analogy is neither here nor there; point being, I did not like what I saw.

During another life I wan an integral player in the seedy and corrupt world of valet parking. See this fella in the upper right? Not me, but it might as well have been. We parked the big boys and made money hand over fist creating illusions of scarcity for the unsuspecting masses. But that's not what this column is about.
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I received a call one day from a secretary with the San Diego Chargers. She spoke of a Christmas party and a need for approximately 30 cars to be valet parked. This Chargers employee prepaid for the parking and informed me that she would pay any additional moneys exceeding the flat rate for 30 guests on the night of the party. This number could be as many as an additional 10 cars. This seemed like a small number to be attending a Christmas party but who was I to pretend to have intimate knowledge of the inner-workings at Murphy Canyon. I staffed the party for 60 cars to ensure smooth sailing and then called it a day.

When it was all said and done, valet stand closed, and the final keys surrendered to festive Chargers employees the night would be recalled as an unmitigated disaster. With an expectation of 30 cars and staffing for 60 the Chargers delivered over 130 cars into the belly of the Gaslamp District on that December night.

For over an hour, party goers sat in a mostly patient queue which extended out into the oncoming traffic of Fifth Avenue. My company looked bad and we felt even worse. While we hustled to get folks to their party, one thought made laps around my mind: how could a company as prominent as the San Diego Chargers misfire so badly on projections for a Holiday party? I continued to manage the snafu... and run my balls off.

A customer was trying to cut their way into the massive Saturday evening queue, and on any other night we probably would have solicited a "special" line-jumping fee, but this was not any other night. We were working a prepaid holiday party arrangement and there was a commitment to uphold. The customer sped off against the throng of oncoming one-way traffic.

The same customer looped around the block and once again tried to line-jump. This time, denial would not be a suitable response on our part. The guest found a small opening, nosed his Mercedes Benz into said opening, and effectively parked his car at a perpendicular angle to the sidewalk. He turned off his ignition, handed the keys to my ticket-man, said he needed to get to the party, and walked off. We parked the gentleman's car.

The gentleman in the Mercedes Benz was San Diego Chargers owner, Dean Spanos.

Holiday parties, in my estimation, serve no better purpose than to boost morale and say thank you; thank you for a year of work and a job well done. Dean Spanos disagreed. He showed up late to his own party. He cut in front of all who waited patiently in what had become a downtown disaster and then scurried off without any regard for those in his employ.

What would I have done? Glad you asked!

I would have announced to the lead valet who I was and my relevance to the party. I would have asked the valet to take my car first so I could stand curbside and greet all of my employees who were stuck in this unfortunate mess. I would have welcomed them. I would have thanked them. And after the last of the serpentine line had climbed from their vehicle I would have walked them to the Christmas party that I was hosting in their honor. That's leadership. Dean Spanos is not a leader.

I've often thought about that night when observing questionable actions on the part of the Chargers. Dean Spanos showed his colors to me on that one night several years ago.

Dean Spanos shows his colors when he chooses to low-ball a solid citizen and Pro Bowl Tackle in Marcus McNeill who had clearly outplayed his rookie contract.

Dean Spanos shows his colors when he spouts off his cockamamie nonsense to the Union Tribune... and because we know who Dean Spanos is I'm fairly certain that winning a Super Bowl in San Diego will be in spite of him.

But hey... the Cowboys won a Super Bowl in 1995 in spite of Barry Switzer's ineptitude... so we've got that going for us.

Happy New Year

Delusions de Dean Spanos

A quote from Chargers owner Dean Spanos in Nick Canepa's Monday UT column:

“I like A.J., even though he’s a bit goofy,” Spanos says. “I trust him. He’ll tell you he’s made mistakes. Who hasn’t? But he takes chances. Sometimes you lose the bet, but if you’re going to win a world championship, you’ve got to take chances. I learned that from my father in our business. A.J.’s committed 100 percent to this organization.

 Now that there have been close to a billion comments on Canepa's Monday morning column it may be too little too late to be taking the piss out of Dean Spanos and the above quote.

"Too little, too late" does not compute....I've never let being late to the party abbreviate my thoughts so here it goes...

God Help Us...and them.

Really? Really, Dean? You learned from your father, that in order to win championships, you have to take chances? Really, Dean? Are you even aware as to why this entire city has the worse case of blue balls in all of sports? It's because San Diego HAS NO CHAMPIONSHIPS!!! For f*ck's sake!
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Reading that Canepa article only confirms that the Spanos family is completely out to lunch and has little clue about running a franchise. Is that being overstated? The Chargers have had a nice run since 2004 but that nice little run has occurred absent a Lombardi Trophy. Perhaps it's hyperbole to say Dean Spanos has zero clue how to run the franchise but Canepa's column is proof positive that if the Chargers win a championship it will likely be in spite of current ownership.

I feel an impending sense of doom as a Chargers fan. My brain tells me they are moving to Los Angeles, a locale which would prevent me from ever rooting for them. My heart tells me that even if the Chargers stay, the Spanos family will continue to fall short in bringing home the hardware. Furthermore, my own personal experience with meeting Dean Spanos tells me that we are doomed on all fronts.

Yes... I have a Dean Spanos story. Allow me to be your proxy in delivering a message of doom. This message however is for another post on another day (or maybe another hour).

Until then...

Vencie Sez: Merry Christmas (among other things)!

 It's been nearly a year....

 

AJM favorite, Vencie Glenn, joined Scott and BR for an emergency XX1090 broadcast Monday morning to help distraught, ledge straddling, fans cope with the disastrous loss in Cincinnati.

What did the hard nosed Glenn have to say? Let's get to it!

"Merry Christmas gentlemen."
What a pleasant and kind start, Mr Glenn! Merry Christmas to you! But we want some vitriol!
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"At least 5 games they look like they didn't even show up this year."
That's about right I'd say. The one game I went to this year (against New England) they failed to show until the 4th quarter and it had nothing to do with the Pats. NE looked horrible as well.

"They did not show up as a team, as an organization, ready to play. They were all not on the same page."
No disagreement here. How can you fly back east the day before a game? Sacrificing holidays and time with the kids is part of the gig, no?

"Every streak ends. I don't care who you are. (audible laughter) If you think Philip Rivers is going to win all the time in December... you're crazy. If you think the Chargers are gonna always start slow and then win 12 in-a-row... you're crazy. It's not sport. It just doesn't happen. Everybody has a streak...Lance Armstrong. But they all end."
Way too much made about the "Norvember" business this year. All streaks come to an end. Even Matt Millen stopped drafting WRs in the 1st round of the NFL draft at some point!

"Watch the Chargers walk off the field. Watch em walk into the huddle. Watch em walk out of the huddle. They did it all game. And I said that's the trend of a team going through the motions out there. New England ran on and off the field. Ran in and out of the huddle."
Vencie was talking about watching the game against New England back in October... he noticed the big picture... a lackadaisical approach that would lead to an ultimate unraveling. I guess there's a difference between Norv Turner and Bill Belichick.

"I blame Eric Weddle"
Vencie blew Weddle the-f*ck-up during this portion of the interview. The blame stems from the play where Cason got burned for the long TD late in the game. Vencie argued that the Safety's roll is that of a QB on defense. Weddle should have noticed the personnel changes going on and got Cason ready for the play.

"Still, Cason's gotta get out there. Never turn your back on the Quarterback. That's like turning your back on a murderer (audible laughter)...man, he gonna kill you! Never turn your back on the QB. That's rule #1 in football as a defensive back. You always run out looking at the huddle."
Then he discussed Cason's role in the botched play. The entire interview is worth listening to just based on this quote. Vencie is hilarious in using his QB/Murderer analogy.

I've missed Vencie Glenn this year. It seems as though I always missed Football Night in San Diego on the nights he worked the panel. Oh well, next year. Listen to the whole interview; it's worth it.

I'm very close to putting this whole season behind me, accepting that the Chargers issues are systemic; starting at the top with Dean Spanos and trickling down through nearly everyone in the organization.

Bring on pitchers, catchers and the sporting doldrums of February... I'm done with football.

Chargers Questions: my pessimism runneth over

A few weeks ago when the Chargers were hammering a Cassel-less Chiefs team I took little joy in the outcome. I'm a Chargers fan. I should have been happy. It was a minimal happiness at best.

Then the Chargers destroyed the 49ers. Ehh... that was pretty cool. More enjoyment out of this one but still not running on the euphoria that a winning fan should.


Is there a point to even watching if there is little joy derived from the winning?

The truth is, I'm enthralled with the whole, "Will-they-or-won't-they-leave-San Diego-for Los Angeles" Saga. Because my mind is focused on this chasm of despair, I fail at maximizing joy from Chargers wins.

As a fan, this is a terrible state of being.


Now that the Chargers' playoff hopes have been eliminated there are only three questions to ponder:

1. Will labor strife continue, resulting in an owner imposed NFL lockout in 2011?
2. Will Dean Spanos miraculously develop into a top tier executive rather than a silver-spoon-buffoon?
3. Will the Chargers affix the worst phrase found in the English lexicon (Los Angeles) to their uniforms and office letterheads in 2012?

I believe the answers to these questions are as follows:

1. YES and then NO. As fans, we'll lose something.
2. An unequivocal NO.
3. A devastating YES.

Put your face in your palm. Grab a fork. Devour my optimism.

Chargers Got A Bit Of The Junkyard Dog In 'Em

I was never a big fan of JYD when I watched the WWF as a kid, I being more of a British Bulldogs/ Koko B. Ware sort of tyke. But it was the Junkyard Dog that I saw last night in observing the Chargers impose a physical brand of football on the Indianapolis Colts. They were nasty. They were scrappy... like dogs in a pound... like junkyard dogs!

Is it cool for the defense to score a couple of TDs? Sure!

Mike Tolbert busting out over 100 yards? Dope!

Going to Indy and defeating Peyton Manning on the turf where he nary knows defeat? Scrumtrilescent!

But I gotta tell ya, the thing I was most impressed with from last night's drubbing of the Colts was how the Chargers were finishing plays... on both sides of the ball.
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 When Mike Tolbert runs with the ball he's not just looking for yardage... he's looking for pain. He's looking to punish all would be tacklers as though each is an NFL General Manger who took a pass on him coming out of Coastal Carolina in 2008. God Bless The Chanticleers!


On defense Antonio Garay was just beating up the Colts line. Look at this picture!

Garay has abused his counterpart to such a degree that the 6' 5" Peyton Manning has disappeared. Good night sez Garay.

Every tackle by a Chargers defender seemed to have the following characteristics:

• A second defender rushing to the tackle to deliver a knockout blow... as in Stephen Cooper putting in a good hard tackle and then Dante Hughes coming in and blasting unnamed Colt to force a fumble. 'Twas beautiful! (see picture below).
• Tackles were not complete until a Charger defender gave a little bit of extra business to the vanquished as the play ended. 

 I am and always have been a proponent of giving your opposite a little bit extra so he knows exactly who's in charge. That little bit of nasty is what gives teams the edge needed to go the distance.

Are the Chargers going the distance? I don't know. But the junkyard dog I saw in them last night was even more impressive than the win on the road... which was pretty impressive in and of itself.

Giving Thanks...

AJM is thankful that the Padres made the season interesting all the way until game 162. It was a disappointing way for the year to end but the season was a heckuva lot of fun.

AJM is thankful that the Chargers have started to turn things around. Things were looking grim and the possibility of Philip Rivers' stellar play going for naught seemed like a painful reality. Now we have smiles and hope for the stretch run.

AJM is also thankful for...

... Jessica Alba realizing that, while it's fun to be a mommy, it's even better to be a hot lookin' mommy. Thanks for the reemergence.

 

Maybe we should also thank Elle magazine for posting pictures on the MSN Hotmail page.

Clinton Hart Cut.....and we breath a sigh of relief!

Upon hearing the news that Clinton Hart was cut, I for one, breathed a sigh of relief. Our defensive line should improve mightily with that transaction.....and at least it wasn't Buster Davis released during the bye week. Now that would have been a traumatic move.

October 12th: An Existential Post

One year ago tonight---October 12th, 2008---we were at The Murph/The Q wildly celebrating a pronounced drubbing of the New England Patriots.

It's worth noting because this website only really exists because of that game as well as the one pictured above in the site banner---occurring on January 14th, 2007.

It seems like only yesterday that LT was the most dominating running back in the game, scrambling for 31 TDs, and now he's nearly an after thought. With only 20 rushes to his credit in 2009 and an offensive line that is quite useless have we witnessed the last great game from LT? Probably not......he looked great in the season finale against Denver in '08 until he tore his groin from his pelvic bone. I was there and up until that injury I thought the old LT had returned.

I hope next Monday I get to see "the Old LT" and not "Old LT" against Denver. If we don't the season could be cooked.

Awwww, Crap: Denver Broncos are 5-0

For More: The Denver Post

MEMO
To: Antonio Cromartie
From: Brandon Marshall
Date: Right after we shocked New England in OT
Re: The stiff-arm I'm going to give you if you try and tackle me like a girl

The Voodoo didn't quite work in regards to the Denver Broncos/New England Patriots game and that's on me, small miscalculation. In properly calibrating Voodoo one must always factor who the evil is being directed at. While under ordinary circumstances requesting a Donkey loss due to Josh McDaniels zipping up his nuts in pre-game is more than reasonable I erred in my evaluation of the total request. Bill Belichick is evil incarnate so asking Voodoo to act in conjunction with his vile persona actually nullifies said Voodoo. Like I said....my bad.

Denver has me worried. They seem to actually be good. After the Chargers performance in Pittsburgh, the Bolts have me worried. They seem to actually be bad. A recipe for disaster? Let's take a look at Denver's schedule:

They've got a tough schedule remaining. Traveling to Baltimore, Indy, and Philly is not easy. Taking on Pittsburgh and the G-Men at home, muy dificil. I would even say that going to Washington following physical games at Baltimore and then home against the Steelers is a miserable stretch of games. Not to mention they have to play us twice. They're good but they'll be challenged down the stretch.

How about the Chargers' schedule:

Easier because we've already played Baltimore and Pitt. G-Men in NY is no good but we get the Eagles at home. Bengals have been playing well but they've got to come here and then the Titans and Redskins both suck and they'll be playing for nothing, on and after Jesus' birthday.

Of course it's all moot if we don't start playing defense. The Broncos have defense.

Back to Voodoo. I threw it down on Dallas Clark and Reggie Wayne and while Manning blew up, the preponderance of FF points went to the little white receiver whose wife quizzes him on the playbook each night before he goes to bed (maybe I should pick that fella up on waivers---what was his name?). So the Big Two were held in check.......did you see Reggie Wayne drop that easy pass in the end zone? Voodoo. The Tila Tequila Choke Slam is climbin' the charts.

On another note: there are some really crappy teams in the NFL this year. Even teams that are crappy are blowing teams out. My pick 'em leagues are not going well.

Voodoo en Viernes: Week 5

During the 2008 season this site concocted a strange brew of Buddhist counsel, Jessica Alba praise, and down-home voodoo. An odd amalgam of beliefs to be sure but functional as well. The above combination of world views led to the San Diego Chargers finishing the season on an astounding 4 game victory run coupled with the collapse of the Denver Broncos. The post-season also saw us reap modest success with the creation of the Manning De Milo. 2008 came to an unceremonious close though when the right mix of Voodoo failed to stem the DPOY and the eventual champion, Pittsburgh Steelers.

The results were undeniable: Dalai Lama/Jessica Alba/Voodoo yields victories (5-1).

The process of creating Voodoo dolls however is painstakingly tedious; a sap to my resource of time as well as finance. So for the early part of this year, good reader, you will have to settle for images of voodoo rather than three-dimensional representations.....we'll save those for the post season ( // I cross my fingers).

While I didn't think I'd have to muster the Voodoo so early, it returns today, entering week 5 of the NFL season in a segment called Voodoo en Viernes (that's Friday in Espanol for all the gueros out there).

Los Chargers. They're on the Bye this week but it doesn't mean we can't throw 'em a bone. Denver must lose and they've got the Patriots comin' to Mile High for week 5 so it is with that in mind that we throw a little bad juju at the Donkeys. Josh McDaniels is facing his mentor in Bill Belichick so the most non-lethal yet distracting impediment we can shower upon Denver's young coach is a beauty from the year 1998. We'll go with the prom night/rest room/ zipper/nut incident from Something About Mary. McDaniels will remain a functioning man but most one who is uncomfortable and prone to poor decision making against the Genius, Bill Belichick.

We'll also throw a little curse on the QB, Kyle Orton:

He doesn't look too competent in that photo.......here's to him tying one on the night before the big game because we all know that altitude affects your tolerance. Come back to Earth you bearded man!!!

AJM will also be throwing a little hex towards Dallas Clark and Reggie Wayne. What did they do to deserve such wrath, you ask? Well here's the thing: my Fantasy Football team, The Tila Tequila Choke Slam, is in the crapper at 1-3. However my opponent who happens to have scored LESS points than The TTCS has a gaudy 3-1 record. Ahh, Yes. In one of those frustrating conundrums of the fantasy football world, I'm two games behind because while outscoring my rival I've nearly had 100 MORE points scored against me. That's Bush League Bull Crap and as such, Clark and Wayne must pay!!! Minor hamstring and quad tweaks is all we ask, resulting in precautionary rest. They're good fellas we just need to minimize scoring to get The TTCS back on track.

Need some Voodoo? Post it in the comments section.

No Chargers game, so no Sunday night sadness.

Enjoy Week 5

Mailbag: Bolt Agony Sounds Off

Each week I'm inundated with emails. They're mostly related to winning a lottery in the United Kingdom *, my newest follower on Twitter**, or advertising for erectile dysfunction*** . Every once in a while though, I get an email related to the Chargers and because I value the opinions of the masses****, I'm generally inclined to post the email, in this especially creative little segment we call: Mailbag.

This individual goes by the moniker, Bolt Agony.......uh-oh, can't be good.

Men,

I hardly weigh in on these topics, but as my students work on their projects I have a minute....or
two.  First, the Chargers are no surprise to me. We are paying for our sins as San Diego fans
because we live in such a nice place.....we cannot have a contender! It wouldn't be fair to
the homophobes that live in Mass., shoveling snow and spewing slurs at people. They're the
same each year; under performing. But they play in a weak division, and will easily make
the playoffs; yeah I said it.....the Broncos will implode starting this weekend, and the Chargers
will beat them at least once if not both times.


What is the problem with the Chargers? One Name......AJ SMITH.  I would go with the
owner, but that is not a change that will be made, so the root of the problem starts with Mr.
"It is what it is".  He's a control freak, but does not take responsibility for his control.  Our
defense is too small and he blames the players.  Please Mr. Smith go out and trade some draft
picks for some D-Linemen NOW!. Bobby Beatherd may have mortgaged the future, but our draft
picks do not pan out often (BUSTer Davis).  So Follow the Raiders' lead (I can't believe I just
typed that) and go get a quality D-Linemen or three.   Also choose a better head coach....Norv is
a pussy! Stop thinking he will change or be someone else because he won't. He is who he is!
For all I care make Ron Rivera the head coach; at least he knows what it takes to be a player,
coach, and Super Bowl Champion.....and can tear his players a new one.

AJ please keep your comments about the team being soft to yourself or in the locker-room.  I
don't blame #56 for talking back to you, he is trying, but he is hurt....shouldn't be playing, and is
frustrated with jokers like Cromartie, Castillo, Gregory, Phillips, and the ten other so called
D-Lineman playing.  He won't be here next year and neither will LT (I don't care what anyone
says, he's still good but is trying to run through NO hole....no back would produce more with
that O-Line) Gates is the big question mark....will he be here next year?  He is turning it on now,
and if he keeps playing this way I would say keep him.

Our only hope is the man himself, P. Rivers.  

Regretfully Yours,

BOLT AGONY

P.S.  Marcus McNiell and Luis Castillo; please go to Mexico and get back on the juice,
you SUCK!

*Ridiculous amounts of Pounds Sterling. Cool.

**The Real Mike Tyson is now following me. Is "The Real Mike Tyson" the real "The Real 
Mike Tyson"? Either way it's fucking cool!

***It's cool....I'm cool.

****And I'm a content whore.

Charger Fans: Hope You're Feeling Better

The bye week is upon us and Charger fans are on the ledge, foot-a-danglin' and there may be only one thing that can return us from the brink.....making fun of others' misery. That's right! We will sink that low! Let's take the piss out of the Patriots! We'll start with their fans. Look at this clown:

Need more? Give this a go: from yesterday's edition of the Boston Globe:

FOXBOROUGH - Tom Brady said yesterday he wasn’t bothered by comments former teammate Rodney Harrison, now an NBC analyst, made about a pair of roughing-the-passer penalties Brady drew from the Baltimore Ravens.

In a halftime segment during Sunday night’s Steelers-Chargers game, Harrison took issue with a roughing-the-passer penalty against the Ravens’ Terrell Suggs, who was penalized after grazing Brady’s knee, and termed it a “horrible call.’’

Harrison added: “Tom Brady, if you’re listening, take off the skirt and put on some slacks. Toughen up.’’.........

Ha, Ha, Brady! Take your skirt off says old teammate Rodney Harrison. Even ex-teammates hate you. Loser!

Eh....who are we kidding? Rodney was just messing with his boy, clownin' around on Sunday Night Football. I missed it live, my head having been jammed into the freezer after the Bolts fell behind 21-0 so I kind of missed out on the context of Rodney's diatribe against BS calls that protect the QB.

So there's nothing positive to spin about the future of the Chargers, and speaking only for myself, I'm not too keen on having to support the Patriots against the Donkeys this weekend. These truths don't make me feel better nor should they assuage your pain. Maybe this can make us feel better:

Chargers' Nose Back To The Grindstone, Appear To Have Pinpointed All Of Their Problems....

I hate to take the piss out of Shawne Merriman because I like him and he has passion...... but c'mon? Become the master of your domain.....give the Twitter a break until you figure things out on the defensive side of the ball. San Diego is completely embarrassed by the Defense's performance on Sunday.

Get your head in the game; video of haircut don't make tackles!

Week 4: Chargers, Steelers, and C3PO

Pondering a 38-28 loss to the Steelers.....

Here's all I've got: as it relates to being a fan of San Diego sports teams, I quote a sage from a Galaxy, Far, Far, Away: "It is our lot in life to suffer."

Let's not take anything away from the Pittsburgh Steelers. They're the defending champs, enjoying some home cooking, and by all accounts had their backs against the wall. They should have won. But that game was ridiculous.

I think if we were forced to trade Philip Rivers away for another quarterback, I'd choose Ben Roethlisberger. He's tough and nearly impossible to haul down in the pocket...or any where on the field for that matter. But c'mon. He completed 79% of his passes! Do you know what kind of QB completes nearly 80% of his passes? No..... the answer is not a "Legend". QBs who complete 80% of their passes are PLAYING AGAINST EXTRAORDINARILY SHITTY DEFENSES!!!!!!! The cushion evident after their receiving corp caught Big Ben's passes was ridiculous. Just really porous defense. An embarrassment.

And Rashard Mendenhall......newsflash, Charger D......he's a former number one draft pick who also happens to carry an adjective that no football player ever wants attached to them: soft. Yes. Soft. A "soft" running back carved you up to the tune of 165 yards and 2 TDs. When he wasn't barreling over defenders, he was bouncing off of those who were completely uncommitted to the tackle.

Antonio Cromartie is a complete joke of a football player. I know he had at least three penalties, continued to tackle like a girl, as well as give obscene cushions to every receiver who came his way. I'm sure there's a lot of other crap he did too, like impregnate some baggage handler on the trip into the 'Burgh. I don't know the human but I HATE the football player.

Norv Turner. Sure, professional football players shouldn't need someone to get them fired up to play the game.....and that's a good thing because Norv is incapable of such a task. But a head coach needs to have his team ready to play from the time of the opening kickoff and Norv fails miserably there. Down 14-0 with the snap of a finger? That's four consecutive games, off to a crappy start. Waiting until it was 28-0 to mount a come back? The Chargers, often described as "one of the most talented teams in the league" (we have talented offensive personnel and a defense that gives up 500 yards---pundits, please stop referring to this team as talented and deep and all of that other crap), haven't scored a TD on the opening drive in over 20 straight games. That's on Norval.

So what's the answer for these Chargers?

There is no answer for them, only you. Get used to the disappointment as both a Charger and Padre fan because it will last in perpetuity. As San Diegans we are a cursed lot of fans. Much like the Red Sox carried the burden of an 86 year curse after the unceremonious dumping of a future hall of famer (all for the purpose of funding a Broadway play), so too do we have a cross to bear. Losing is our penance for being able to wear shorts and flip flops in January. This loss is my penance right now.....being able to eff around after the game and still get a decent night's sleep because I view games in Pacific Standard Time. Well rested fans deserve to lose, as no sacrifice has been offered to the Football Gods. Losing is our atonement, fellow San Diegans.....keep it in mind while others are shoveling their driveways in January and you're working on your foot tan.

Editor's Note:
Former Charger Vencie Glenn pulled no punches in his assessment of the Bolt's D during Channel 7's Sunday Night Football In San Diego after the game. Zero sugar coating. I like Vencie. He too appears to want Cromartie's head on a stick.

Christmas Ape of D.C. Steeler Nation Weighs in on Sunday Night's Battle

D.C. Steeler Nation and Kissing Suzy Kolber blogger/author/teller of dick jokes, Christmas Ape, kindly agreed to exchange scouting reports and insights with AJM.

The theme of the exchange was to provide optimism for the opposition---Steelers are 1-2---Chargers never win regular season games in the 'Burgh---optimism is in high demand for each side. For my bit of Bolt pessimism/Steeler optimism, click here. As for the Steeler perspective; let the good feelings commence......

As long as the Chargers are in it going into the 4th quarter, you'll have many a worried Stiller fan being shown during crowd shots at Heinz Field Sunday night.

Pittsburgh has somehow essentially reversed its M.O. from last year. Whereas then they didn't do anything offensively until they absolutely had to - and fortunately did - this year, they're storming hard out of the gate in every game and fizzling down the stretch. Which would be okay if they built up a commanding enough lead, but they've allowed teams to hang around enough that it's come back to bite them in the ass the past two weeks.

Willie Parker would probably be thrilled to see San Diego if he weren't nursing the latest in what has been a series of iffy injuries this season. The guy suddenly revealed that he'd been dealing with a tweaked hammy after doing nothing against the Titans in Week 1, which smacked of an excuse more than anything. The Bolts, after all, were the last team he went over 100 yards against, even if that was last January. So Rashard Mendenhall should probably get a majority of the touches, which isn't the worst thing for the Steelers, because he's actually looked pretty good when he hasn't run into Roethlisberger on hand-offs. He and Mewelde Moore can also actually catch passes out of the backfield and occasional block, so having them out there doesn't telegraph to the defense what they're hoping to do.

For as much criticism as the Steelers O-line gets, it's actually been halfway good in terms of pass blocking. It's when they try running the ball when everything falls apart. Then again, that was the case last year as well, and the team managed against San Diego in the two meetings. So I guess the Steelers have reason to be optimistic in that regard.

Where the Chargers can feel good: hey, remember Santonio Holmes? The guy who broke that punt return TD in the playoffs against you guys and generally had an amazing postseason? Well, he had a great game against the Titans and then suddenly reverted to the mental-lapse prone guy who irritated all the team's fans for a good share of last season. Last week, he didn't recognize a hot read, which resulted in a pick-six for the Bengals. The week before, he dropped four passes, including what would have been a game-winning touchdown. Thankfully, we won't even have to get into Limas Sweed, because he got buried beneath Shaun McDonald on the depth chart.

More good news! The Steelers pass rush has been mostly nonexistent. They haven't registered more than two sacks in any of their games in 2009. This is partly due to the fact that this season, teams are closely following a blueprint that calls for quick timing patterns to offset the pass rush. This won't get you many big plays, but will allow you to peel off some long sustained drives and wear down the Steelers defense late in the game, as the Bears and Bengals have the previous two weeks. Also, the this strategy doesn't lead to many turnovers, evidenced by the fact that the Steelers defense hasn't forced any since the two in the Titans game.

Also, the absence of Polamalu, as you might expect, has made a lot of Dick LeBeau's blitzing schemes very vanilla and easy to recognize. And a quarterback of Rivers caliber should be able to easily take advantage unless the Steelers try some more daring things this week. The Chargers have a definite size advantage with their tall receivers vis-a-vis a corner like William Gay, so I'd imagine Rivers will try to float a few jump balls, which wouldn't be the worst strategy in the world.

The Steelers special teams, other than Jeff Reed's recent transformation into Shaun Suisham, have been a bright spot. They actually have a returner capable of bringing the ball out past the 30. And their punting is much improved by dint of no longer having to call Mitch Berger onto the field on 4th down.

So honestly, I'm not sure what to expect. The past two games have been deflating losses, but they've been on the road to what you could describe as at least respectable teams (okay, Cincy might still be unproven this year, but they beat a solid Green Bay team). The fact that this is a definite must-win game at home gives me faith that the Steelers will lay it all out there, but the Chargers certainly have enough ability to steal another away.

For the contribution and insights, cheers, Ape.

Pick up a copy of Ape's book (aka Mike Tunison) : The Football Fan's Manifesto

I tried to pick it up at Borders back in August but it wasn't in stock so I settled on The Blind Side by Michael Lewis, about Ravens tackle Michael Oher. So what I'm saying is that I don't have it BUT IF YOU ALL buy enough copies maybe he'll send me one, gratis (although it's now highly unlikely with the revelation that I bought a book about a guy who plays for the Baltimore Ravens).

Week 3 Victory: Upon Further Digestion....

Upon further digestion, I've de-deuced that I'm just a giant crybaby. A WIN......IS A WIN! If I continue to watch the Chargers each week and then gripe over how they win games then I'll be as miserable as a Lion fan c. 2008 (or would it be c. 1929-2009?). Are there things I'd like to see the Chargers do better? Sure.

Like anyone else, I'd love to see red zone efficiency. I don't blame the players so much for the inefficiencies but instead look at the FG attempts as a function of the play calling. We often hear how inside the twenty yard line the field becomes shorter and consequently a more difficult area to score. Well I have news for Norv....when you choose to run a 5 foot nothing, 100 pound nothing in to the line on every 1st down, that Red Zone GETS EVEN SMALLER!!!!! Utilize our receivers height. On first down throw a jump ball to one of the giants and get the touchdown via an alley-oop. Jump Ball. Seriously. Run the picket fence at 'em.

The play calling is really my only complaint. We have tons of injuries and guys are stepping up to the challenge. We can't control the injuries and it'll probably be after the bye week before we see LT and Merriman. But we can control the inventiveness and the overall strategy with which we attack. We can control the health of Phillip by having him take shorter drops and hitting the big fellas with shorter passes. Fifty yard bombs are fun but so are underneath routes that allow receivers to accumulate YAC. Those sorts of plays also control the clock because of their high completion percentage. Of course, what the hell do I know?

2-1 and traveling to Steel Town makes me happier than 1-2. Troy Polamalu's absence shows just how important he is to that Steeler defense and so that gives me hope that we can sneak into the bye week above .500.

One last thing.....I wish I had video of a particular play from the first half of the Charger/Phin game. I think Ronnie Brown or Rickie Williams caught a ball coming out of the backfield and proceeded to run across to Antonio Cromartie's side of the field. Cro' sized him up, 'broke down', lunged for the tackle......and absolutely WHIFFED! Cro' caught nothing but air. Luckily, Kevin Burnett was in hot pursuit and caught the Dolphin from behind a split second later. Antonio Cromartie's tackling efforts are akin to the SNL Mother Lover Video........extraordinarily-crap yourself-funny.

Pre Game Week 3 Versus The Dolphins: SNL's Mother Lover Brings Perspective To This Ridiculous Fan

In the previous post I suggested that watching the Mother Lover video by Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg was an apt descriptor of Charger Fan reactions following the home loss against Ray Lewis' will last week. If you haven't figured it out....I meant that both were funny.

Seriously. That Mother Lover song is hilarious sh*t....and for a moment it made me stop thinking about Norv's terrible play calling and even worse press conferences. While the video is funny so is the collective response of Charger fan. C'mon people......every year starts this way:
--Chargers lose.
--Fans crap themselves.
--Fans begin questioning Norv, AJ and every personnel move down to those final 53 man cuts.

We'd be well served to chill out for a moment...but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the following:

The definition of ridiculously moronic and incredibly dimwitted is
to continue doing the same ridiculously moronic and incredibly dimwitted thing
and to expect a result
that is not
ridiculously moronic and incredibly dimwitted

I'm no Einstein so I can't tell you if it's him that I'm paraphrasing or if it's Edison or some other mad genius (hasn't Norv been described that way?). But the point I'm making is as follows: in order for me to simultaneously remove the noose from my neck, put the pills back in the medicine cabinet, and to trigger the safety on the 12 gauge sawed off, I need to see the coaching staff make some adjustments that account for the early injury losses we've sustained thus far.

On offense our running game and line play is suspect. So let's make sure we control the ball but also keep Franchise Phil safe by utilizing our giant receivers in a short west coast style passing adjustment. If we don't control the ball against Miami we may end up seeing a replay from the Miami/Indy game and by replay I'm not talking about a Miami loss.

On defense we've lost the center piece of the unit. Without Jamal we have to consider a serious overhaul as there's not a player on our roster who can replace him...and let's be honest, we weren't stopping the run even with the big fella in there against the Rai-duhs. What defensive adjustment will Ron Rivera make?

This isn't a must win but look to the future: a loss at home to Miami followed by a trip to Pittsburgh where regular season history has not been kind would be foreboding....1-3 going into the bye week. Yikes! We can say all we want that there's no reason to panic because we've overcome those odds in both the 2007 and 2008 seasons but it would also be foolhardy to compare the 2009 edition to either of those squads. In 2009, both the defense and rushing attacks are less than what they once were.

Besides; contenders win their home games.

Go Chargers!

Editor's Notes:

• Thank you for your input Faithful Eleven; Week 3 survivor pool = Baltimore Ravens!
• Is it to early to begin with advice from the Site Sages and installations of Voodoo. My sense is yes...but if Jessica Alba will start getting us wins I may have to make a concession.
• We do play in the AFC West.....so I suppose you can scrap the above diatribe.
  

We Get To Watch The Game on Sunday...which is nice

I haven't been able to get back into a rhythm with last week's trip to South Bend coupled with catch-up at the job but there are a couple things worth mentioning.

While looking at the Justin Timeberlake/Andy Samberg Mother Lover creation, I realized that it perfectly captured the week-in-angst for Charger Fans. You'll have to think about it....

Keep thinking about it.

No Blackout on Sunday.....rejoice.

College football in person is a fantastic experience.

Celebrating Halfway-to-St.-Patrick's day is a good time.

Calling someone you don't know 'buddy' or 'hondo' is a permissible gesture of conviviality.

Using 'hoss' is friendly but has suspect connotations (think--'hey, fatboy!')........

'Pal' will get you a raised eyebrow....

The coup de grace; 'guy'. The descriptor 'guy' will bring about your destruction with extreme prejudice......

You'll have to trust me as this conversation was a 36 hour filibuster in the Great Lakes region last week.

Stop the Wildcat!

Peace, Hondo.

The Ray Lewis Take on Norv's Play Calling

I still haven't seen the game so I don't know if I'm qualified to comment on whether or not Norv is as big a moron as he's being portrayed.......but........why don't we all listen to the Ravens' Ray Lewis and then make our judgement (click the third video option):

Hmmm....

More from the Baltimore Sun:

.....None of the Ravens' stands was more dramatic than the last. On first down from the Ravens' 23, the Chargers (1-1) took their shot at the end zone, but Ravens cornerback Frank Walker (who replaced an injured Fabian Washington) broke up the pass to receiver Legedu Naanee.

Three plays later, on fourth-and-2, Lewis said he knew what play was coming as soon as quarterback Philip Rivers dropped the ball down to hand it off. Calling it a risk, he slashed through the middle of the offensive line unblocked and pounced on Sproles to essentially end the game.

Some players acknowledged that they were shocked at the Chargers' play call. San Diego, which had its starting center and right guard out with injuries, decided to run the ball up the middle with the game on the line.

Well allow me to retort: Hmmm.

Charger Fan In Donkey Land: Week 2 Ravens

Another nail biter, this time ending with a negative result.

However, what is one to expect when sitting with a 4th and 2 with a quarterback who is having the most productive game of his career?

I think I speak for every Bolt fan who walks the earth, when I say that handing the ball off deep in the back field was the last possible play that would have been called.

Though the game should have never come down to that play, you have to look to Norv to make a better decision in that position.

With the injuries we encountered in week 1, it is evident that we will be playing wide open over the coming weeks. The learning curve for SD's linemen will be steep and we can not afford to have another penalty stricken game like Sunday. Kicking field goals vs. touchdowns is unacceptable, specifically when you are on the 1 inch line and take a delay of game penalty. WTF was that?

We need to shore up the Defense as well, with them giving up the uncharacteristic yardage in both of the first two weeks. It looks like our Defense, as a whole, have an allergy to any quarterback we face. One sack today is unacceptable, and I would expect a minimum of 3 per game from our guys. If not that, then how about we slow the run down. Stopping it doesn't seem like a realistic expectation after the display shown during the first two weeks.

Moving forward, the confidence prevails and I feel we will take care of the Dolphins next week in our house. I am waiting for the breakout game for the Defense and watching our Chargers run up the score and play up to our potential. It was nice to get our loss out of the way for the season, and we only look up from here.

Keepin the Bolt Pride Alive.

Charger Fan in Donkey Land

Editor's Note:
I was out of town and upon return last evening I knew nothing about the game against the Ravens nor did I even know that Jamal was out for the year. As I piece together the home opening debacle from word of mouth and detail deficient UT articles I still can't explain the rumors that we kicked a FG on 3rd down as well as the decision to run .43 cent at the beastly Ray Lewis (I, however, have read that Ray Lewis wasn't at all surprised by the Chargers' play call in that situation.....something about it being predictable based on the previous week's game film. Huh...predictable?). I'm going to get to the bottom of this. Feel free to help me out as I didn't tape the game.