The Padres win despite only hitting one single. What would the NFL's version be of such random, offensive, ineptitude?

This evening, the San Diego Padres managed something that has only been accomplished by three other teams since 1920: they won a game despite only producing three walks and one base-hit of offense.

This begs the obvious question: did one of the walks score on the base-hit? Look.....that is not only the most obvious but also the most boring question that could be posited by an inquiring mind (the answer is no). The real question we need answered: what is the football equivalent to the game the Padres just played? Fortune shines upon you!!! After intense deliberations..... I have the answer you seek.

What spells futility better than winning a game by a margin of 2-0? Has it ever happened? Don't know, don't care. The margin of victory by a safety stands out as a clear-cut call but there is an inherent problem with it; a safety is a defensive score! To use this as an equivalent would just cheat the Padres offense of the recognition it deserves. No, the safety just won't do...

Kick it up a notch, then! 3-0! Death by Field Goal!

Nah....While it's an isolated score similar to a single run crossing the plate, it just fails in my opinion, to capture the proper futility of knocking a solitary hit and then stealing the win.

The NFL equivalent that best sums up such offensive, yet victorious, futility......(click "read more" to continue)

The Drop Goal. I said it.....the Drop Goal. Winning 3-0.....by Drop Goal. Yes, like in Rugby Union. Oh yea, you can do those in the NFL too. Here's the thing, though....only one has been slotted in (approx.) the last seventy years.....similar to the infrequency of getting a win via one hit and three walks. Here's the evidence.....with a nice little San Diego connection in Doug Flutie......finishing out his career playing for the New England Patriots:

Proof positive that there is more than one way to split the uprights*, earn yourself 3 points, and gracefully match the offensive woes presented by the San Diego Padres on April 20th, 2010.....who once again, won the game to move into a 1st place tie with the San Francisco Giants. It's early, I know.

*MEMO
TO: Nate Keading
FROM: A-hole Chargers Fan
RE: Alternative methods to scoring 3 points
The playoffs have been difficult for you Nate; especially against the New York Jets. Allow us to recommend abandoning the place holder and just going to a straight drop kick. Flutie made it look pretty easy. One-up your Padre brethren in 2010!

San Diego: Rocky Balboa said it best, "The World Ain't All Sunshine and Rainbows."

Ever since the most recent Chargers debacle I've found it difficult to string thoughts together. I have ideas that are Chargers related but just can't bring myself to comment. I have ideas that are Padre related but feel that, for a sense of continuity as well as closure, I need to deal with the football demons first.

This thought process is wreaking havoc with my ability to complete a blog post of any sort.

Alas, I'm excited about the Padres so this post will be a thought organizer, one which should help me to move forward.

Pick yourself up and move forward, San Diego sports fans. It's all we can do......move forward.

Things on my mind:

-Nate Kaeding and how FUCT his head is.
-Shaun Phillips higher education and Twitterpidity.
-Norv Turner's "__________"
-Marty Schottenheimer/Earnest Byner/Useless kickers
-Antonio Cromartie (surprisingly not first on the list)
-LT. Please don't go to New England.
-Eric Weddle and the trampoline effect.
-The incessant "jocking" of Drew Brees by Scott and BR.
-2010 Baseball America Prospects handbook and Padre hope.
-Breakfast Town USA and other T-Shirts.
-Padres Town hall meeting.
-2010 Spring Training Trip.
-Lake Elsinore Trip on Thirsty Thursday.
-Bud Black's (im)-probable opening day line-up.
-Villanova basketball and how awesome of a fan I am.

This is but a cache of the crap that's been coursing through my cerebral cortex (alliteration, people). By listing my thoughts outside of the conventional top five list I hope to spur on some creativity so that I can move on from the horror show known as January 2010.

Actually...I probably should have scaled it back to a list of five so I wouldn't be so overwhelmed. Crap!