The Padres win despite only hitting one single. What would the NFL's version be of such random, offensive, ineptitude?

This evening, the San Diego Padres managed something that has only been accomplished by three other teams since 1920: they won a game despite only producing three walks and one base-hit of offense.

This begs the obvious question: did one of the walks score on the base-hit? Look.....that is not only the most obvious but also the most boring question that could be posited by an inquiring mind (the answer is no). The real question we need answered: what is the football equivalent to the game the Padres just played? Fortune shines upon you!!! After intense deliberations..... I have the answer you seek.

What spells futility better than winning a game by a margin of 2-0? Has it ever happened? Don't know, don't care. The margin of victory by a safety stands out as a clear-cut call but there is an inherent problem with it; a safety is a defensive score! To use this as an equivalent would just cheat the Padres offense of the recognition it deserves. No, the safety just won't do...

Kick it up a notch, then! 3-0! Death by Field Goal!

Nah....While it's an isolated score similar to a single run crossing the plate, it just fails in my opinion, to capture the proper futility of knocking a solitary hit and then stealing the win.

The NFL equivalent that best sums up such offensive, yet victorious, futility......(click "read more" to continue)

The Drop Goal. I said it.....the Drop Goal. Winning 3-0.....by Drop Goal. Yes, like in Rugby Union. Oh yea, you can do those in the NFL too. Here's the thing, though....only one has been slotted in (approx.) the last seventy years.....similar to the infrequency of getting a win via one hit and three walks. Here's the evidence.....with a nice little San Diego connection in Doug Flutie......finishing out his career playing for the New England Patriots:

Proof positive that there is more than one way to split the uprights*, earn yourself 3 points, and gracefully match the offensive woes presented by the San Diego Padres on April 20th, 2010.....who once again, won the game to move into a 1st place tie with the San Francisco Giants. It's early, I know.

*MEMO
TO: Nate Keading
FROM: A-hole Chargers Fan
RE: Alternative methods to scoring 3 points
The playoffs have been difficult for you Nate; especially against the New York Jets. Allow us to recommend abandoning the place holder and just going to a straight drop kick. Flutie made it look pretty easy. One-up your Padre brethren in 2010!

Invictus-Get ready for a 'triumph of the human spirit'

Inverted or Invictus?Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

~William Ernest Henley

We will suspend reality and accept that Matt Damon is 6' 3" and 238 lbs for one reason: this is an excellent story, despite being an All Blacks supporter.