The Padres and Cake (part 3): Indoctrination

In Wednesday's The Padres and Cake (part 2): A Commode Story, I told you that my reasons for deceiving you were pure . . .

Our topic is indoctrination.

Properly indoctrinating young children is no easy task. You might think it so but the process is painstaking and endless. Are my little ones Padres fans? Sure. But to what degree? They know the name of Gwynn and that the Dodgers and Giants are not to be trusted but can they sit through a game, appreciating nuance, and ultimately stay with the team and the game forever?

'Tis a daunting task, this indoctrination business. I suggest beginning with something more simple. Something like music.

I don't believe in listening to kids music. There is a fine line between giving into a child's wants and completely selling your soul. Consequently, the moment you begin to purchase the aforementioned crap a part of you has died. But fear not -- kids don't really want that music anyway. You give it to them. And then they want it. End the cycle now.

The little Avengers like to dance so we turn on Time Warner's Music Choice channels. During the baseball season this event generally cuts into the top half of the 2nd inning. I am fine with this.

Against the wishes of Mrs. AJM, I do my best to avoid the kids channel and all dance stations. If dancing is to replace Padres on the television then it will occur to an alternative soundtrack (found on channels 916, 917, and 918). These are good stations. Modern alternative. The Clash, Police, etc. Remember, we're indoctrinating kids here. What do you want them to listen to? Make them want good music. Stop the cycle of delivering crappy music and you'll extinguish their desire for crappy music.

As the Padres game plays. Kids dance. Missing the second inning is an acceptable trade-off. The Music Choice channels, in addition to playing the soundtrack for our own personal Dance Party U.S.A., display rotating pictures and biographical information about the musicians. While the music plays, the Padres never fully leave the room because invariably, Cake begins to play.

When Cake plays, and the pictures cycle through,  I don't see Cake's lead singer and guitarist John McCrea. I see Heath Bell.

The vast number of times I've had this thought forced me to create an odd narrative about a marketing opportunity for the Padres*. Carrying that narrative in my mind for the last 11 months nearly killed me and it was with great relief that I deposited segments here at AJM, in various parts this week. I feel like I can properly carry on my true work now: indoctrinating children into following a small market baseball team.

*The Padres and Cake (part 1): A Failed Marketing Campaign

Training children to be Padres fans and to listen to good music is not easy. And it never will be. You must thrust yourself into both propositions.

If the day comes that the little ones decide that baseball is not for them, and the little bonding session you once enjoyed over the game is sought elsewhere, there will surely be a reckoning in your world. If this day comes while driving the vocal majority will likely clamor for you to exchange the cacophonous tones of Ted Leitner for music on the FM dial. And if this is your fate you'll be forced to posit this question: Did I err when I chose not to attempt to indoctrinate the little ones into listening to my music?

Do not let it come to this. Baseball is no sure thing with humans*. But music is forever. Program them to listen to the good stuff. And do it now.

*But it should be. Alas, I do not make the rules.

The Padres and Cake (part 2): A Commode Story

"Now the things you gotta remember are the details. It's the details that sell your story."
~ Reservoir Dogs (1992)

From the mind of Quentin Tarantino came the above piece of dialogue. Created for a character named Detective Holdaway of the L.A.P.D, the line was spoken to fellow detective Freddy Newandyke. Viewers of the critically acclaimed film came to know Freddy as . . . Mr. Orange.

To do undercover work Freddy needed a story to recite if ever interrogated by a criminal element. A story so detailed, there would be little doubt he was part of a world of crime. A story that would keep him alive. A Commode Story was born.

Holdaway gave the future Mr. Orange a script for an amusing story that happened while working a job. He told him to commit the structure of the story to memory and fill in the gaps with color. Convincing color. The finished anecdote described a run-in with four L.A. Sheriffs in a filthy airport restroom. The precision of the Commode story allowed Freddy to work for Joe Cabot during a Jewelry heist . . . as Mr. Orange.

When I wrote The Padres and Cake: A failed Marketing Campaign it would be best described as a derivative of the above Reservoir Dogs scene. This is to say that it was extremely detailed and wholly untrue.

From the new slogan (Going The Distance) and a concert by Cake at the Park in the Park honoring the 15 year anniversary of the 1996 NL West Champion Padres, all were part of an apocryphal tale.

People simply read the post. Some voted in the poll about whether the idea was good, however the veracity of my claim was never questioned.This could probably be attributed to the painstaking detail, my own personal Commode Story. That and Heath Bell looks a lot Cake's John McCrea.

The details were paramount but I knew I needed more. Before I hit Publish Post I stood up, looked in the mirror and had a moment. A moment with myself. And I said, "You're fuckin' Beretta. They believe every fuckin' word. Cuz you're super cool."

I am sorry to have deceived you. But I was not without reason . . . 

The Padres and Cake (part 1): A Failed Marketing Campaign

During the Kevin Towers administration under Sandy Alderson I had a source in the Padres front office. I also had a source during the Jed Hoyer Era. To call them sources would probably be inaccurate. A source is a person with whom a trusting relationship has been cultivated whereas I just happened to know someone with organizational ties who I could bug for a little information.

I'm not a news breaker or anything so I rarely ever wrote about what my sources shared. But now with a change in administration I feel as though Deep Throat has passed away, moving on to a better place.

And so I share the following Padres Marketing plan from 2011 . . .

Buoyed by the mantra "Believe", the 2010 San Diego Padres went on one of the most improbable runs in recent memory. As Padres fans continued to believe throughout the summer the team went into a 10 game swoon in late August and never fully recovered, ultimately losing the NL West in game 162 to eventual World Series winners, the San Francisco Giants. The Padres lost yet somehow fans still Believed. It was a winning slogan.

Moving into the 2011 season the Padres marketing department needed a slogan that could build on both the notion of Belief but also cater to the idea that 2010 was not a fluke and that there was more that needed to be accomplished.

Padres marketing mavens presented the following: 2011 San Diego Padres: Going The Distance

This new concept would borrow from the band Cake's 1996 breakout hit "The Distance". 

Inspired by the uncanny resemblance between Cake's John McCrea and Padres closer Heath Bell executives looked to directly incorporate this coincidence into the marketing plans for the 2011 Padres.

The Going The Distance slogan spoke to the concept of redemption, something that could spur fans to carry-over their support from 2010 while simultaneously pulling-in any disenfranchised fans through the use of a catchy pop-rock tune.

There was also the symbolism of 1996 that the marketing team wanted to utilize. With Cake's song from 1996 being played in heavy rotation at the park the Padres could use it as a springboard for recognizing the 15 year anniversary of the 1996 NL West Champion team. While the '84 and '98 teams get regular recognition the '96 team is often forgotten. But in the proper context '96 was a necessary catalyst for the 1998 team's birth which ultimately lead to the construction of PETCO Park. 1996 was finally going to get its proper time in the sun.

Going The Distance would replace Believe as the primary Padres slogan and fans would receive a heavy dose of Cake's song when the Padres took the field in the top of the first and also after wins, replacing Macy Gray's Beauty In The World.

Part of this marketing ploy would also include a concert in the park during the summer of 2011 featuring Cake. During this concert the resemblance of Heath Bell and John McCrea would be played-up when Bell joined McCrea and Cake on stage.

The idea seemed rather brilliant. It was brought to upper management in late 2010.

I understand that it was considered but ultimately rejected at the end of the first week in December of 2010. This date represented the trade of Adrian Gonzalez and what appeared to be a massive overhaul of the overachieving 2010 squad. The Padres would be retooling in 2011 and the promotion of playoff aspirations by a team that would be clearly less than the sum of their parts seemed like a disingenuous message to sell to fans.

There was also the complication of Heath Bell himself. Scheduled to be a free-agent at the end of 2011 the likelihood of him remaining a Padre past the July 31st trade deadline did not seem plausible. Centering a marketing campaign around the resemblance of Bell and McCrea would be catastrophic if Bell were traded at the deadline. This issue was ultimately of less concern as the front office did not project the Padres to compete during the 2011 season and Going The Distance seemed too far fetched of an idea.

The plan was scrapped. The tentative appearance by Cake was cancelled and Dierks Bentley played the August 20th, 2011 concert at the Park in the Park.

The idea was creative. The idea was fun. The idea, in hindsight, was an impossibility. The San Diego Padres as constructed at that time would have been far too big of a gamble for such a marketing scheme.  Going The Distance was too ambitious. Or was it?

What do you think?