Things Bud Black has outlasted

I read the opening paragraph of Bill Center's article this morning and immediately stopped.

My mind was blown after reading these words written about Padres manager Bud Black:

 " . . . where he begins his sixth spring training as Padres manager Monday."

It seems like only yesterday that Bud Black arrived from Anaheim and the Bruce Bochy Era concluded. Yet here he is, beginning his 6th season with the Padres.

The only thing I could think of in response to this piece of information was to make a reference to a long running sit-com that I've never even watched. But Bud Black deserves better than that.

Bud Black should be applauded for making it to a 6th season as not everyone / everything has such staying power.

Here's a list of things that weren't as fortunate to make it to a sixth year. . .

Nirvana
With Nirvana's release of their debut album Bleach in June of 1989 and the subsequent suicide of Kurt Cobain in April of 1994 the seminal rock band failed to even make it to the 5 year mark.  
Bud Black > Flannel Apparel and Three Chord Guitar Progressions

Gale Sayers
Technically the career of the Kansas Comet lasted form 1965-1971 but catastrophic knee injuries cut his run of greatness short. Sayers only played two games in both the 1970 and 1971 seasons which by my count leaves his career at a full five seasons in the NFL.  
Bud Black > 1960's Knee Reconstruction

The Wire
The epic HBO series, portraying the urban decay of Baltimore as described by David Simon and Ed Burns, lasted a full 5 seasons and then called it quits.
Bud Black > Jimmy McNulty + Omar Little

Saved By The Bell: The College Years
Tiffani-Amber Thiessen was so good looking in 1993 she could have carried The College Years through a four year undergraduate program and a masters thesis. Alas, the series ended after one season.
Bud Black > Kelly Kapowski

Star Wars
Over the span of 28 years the George Lucas successfully brought 5* feature length Star Wars films to the big screen. I'm fudging with the parameters here but in terms of output it's more important to count the films and not the years in which they spanned.
Bud Black >  George Lucas' Dialogue and Jar Jar Binks

*Most Star Wars aficionados acknowledge that The Phantom Menace sucked horribly. As such I have not included it. And Bud Black wins.

The Greco-Persian Wars
Taken in tandem, the two invasions of Greece by the mighty Persian armies of Darius and Xerxes, lasted less than five years. Considering the superior strength of Persia and the fact that Greece ultimately won it's astonishing that these wars didn't last longer. Bud Black would have destroyed Greece.
Bud Black > Ancient History and its Commanders

The San Diego Padres
The Padres made it through 5 seasons in San Diego and then in 1974 were on the verge of moving to Washington DC. Had Ray Kroc not swooped in to save the day we'd be saying that Bud Black also outlasted the San Diego Padres . . . or would we? Feel free to contemplate this existential dilemma.
Bud Black = Ray Kroc (?)

Bud Black has yet to make the playoffs in San Diego but his tenure should be commended nonetheless. I foresee greatness for Bud Black. All he needs is the right number of years under his belt.

The Padres and Cake (part 2): A Commode Story

"Now the things you gotta remember are the details. It's the details that sell your story."
~ Reservoir Dogs (1992)

From the mind of Quentin Tarantino came the above piece of dialogue. Created for a character named Detective Holdaway of the L.A.P.D, the line was spoken to fellow detective Freddy Newandyke. Viewers of the critically acclaimed film came to know Freddy as . . . Mr. Orange.

To do undercover work Freddy needed a story to recite if ever interrogated by a criminal element. A story so detailed, there would be little doubt he was part of a world of crime. A story that would keep him alive. A Commode Story was born.

Holdaway gave the future Mr. Orange a script for an amusing story that happened while working a job. He told him to commit the structure of the story to memory and fill in the gaps with color. Convincing color. The finished anecdote described a run-in with four L.A. Sheriffs in a filthy airport restroom. The precision of the Commode story allowed Freddy to work for Joe Cabot during a Jewelry heist . . . as Mr. Orange.

When I wrote The Padres and Cake: A failed Marketing Campaign it would be best described as a derivative of the above Reservoir Dogs scene. This is to say that it was extremely detailed and wholly untrue.

From the new slogan (Going The Distance) and a concert by Cake at the Park in the Park honoring the 15 year anniversary of the 1996 NL West Champion Padres, all were part of an apocryphal tale.

People simply read the post. Some voted in the poll about whether the idea was good, however the veracity of my claim was never questioned.This could probably be attributed to the painstaking detail, my own personal Commode Story. That and Heath Bell looks a lot Cake's John McCrea.

The details were paramount but I knew I needed more. Before I hit Publish Post I stood up, looked in the mirror and had a moment. A moment with myself. And I said, "You're fuckin' Beretta. They believe every fuckin' word. Cuz you're super cool."

I am sorry to have deceived you. But I was not without reason . . .