Cory Luebke and the new market inefficiency

I've heard from some of the ladies that Cory Luebke is ridiculously good looking.

Let's be honest -- I've heard some guys say it too.

Personally, I'm comfortable enough to admit that a young buck is handsome but the preferences of women often leave me confused, baffled, dumbfounded, and confused yet again. As is the case I'm never quite sure where the ladies stand in terms of what sets the bar for a ridiculously good looking man.

Is Cory Luebke good looking? I think he looks pretty good at the front end of the Padres rotation in 2012!

I guess he's a good looking guy. Sure, I'll go with it. Corey Luebke. Good looking man!

I was amazed who else thought the same thing this morning as I read Bill Center's column . . .

The subject of Center's article was the acquisition of Mark Kotsay and the versatility he would offer to Bud Black. More importantly however, was the positive influence and guidance he would provide to the youngsters on the club.

Kotsay also spoke in detail about the Padres needing to play to their strengths, citing his visits as a Milwaukee Brewer last season.  Bill Center writes:

“We’ve got to make this place our’s,” Kotsay said of Petco Park. “When I came in here with the Brewers last year, all their hitters were complaining about the face. I know some Padres haven’t liked hitting there*."

Now, clearly this quote is referencing Cory Luebke, he who runneth over with good looks. I've never really heard him called The Face but, c'mon' who else could the Brew Crew be talking about here? We all know they weren't mesmerized by Aaron Harang's rugged good looks . . .

Pure intimidation through good looks and a menacing mound stare -- Kotsay has already exceeded his contract with this valuable insight.

Perhaps ridiculously good looking pitchers are the new market inefficiency?

Viva The Face!!!

*That last part of the quote is confusing -- a total non-sequiter. Why would the Padres hitters be concerned about the face? They don't have to go against Luebke. I'll try to look into this further when I'm in Peoria this weekend.

[UPDATE 3:52 pm]
I have been informed that 'the face' may be a typo and Center may have intended to write 'the fence'. I don't think that makes any sense though. Look at Cory Luebke's face . . .

You can't always get what you want

I really want to like Orlando Hudson. Let me amend that statement -- I really don't want to dislike guys who play for the Padres. 

I don't care to critique guys I ultimately need to cheer for in order for the Padres to attain success.

Yet here I am, during the week before position players are required to report to Peoria, Arizona and I've already ripped into Orlando Hudson twice. I'm bashing a guy who showed up early to camp!

But it could all be solved quite easily . . .


I guess it all comes down to the roles of those writing the stories: beat writers and columnists.

Perhaps it's not within the purview of beat writers to ask the dirty little questions (see: critical) I have in mind, on account of needing access to ballplayers every day. The columnist (and blogger) can get away with the scathing criticism more readily than the guy covering the beat.

So what is it that I want, you ask? 

I want Orlando Hudson to be asked, not about tossing the ball into the stands with two outs last season, but his comments afterwards regarding it being funny. Orlando Hudson probably thinks it was a benign comment but the truth is that a great deal of animosity towards him was developed when, on a last place team, he was able to laugh it off. Ask him about that.

I want Orlando Hudson to address his comments toward fans who booed Brad Hawpe last season. I love that he stood up for his teammate but I loathe that he called out fans with his condescending and entitled remarks.

I want Orlando Hudson to comment on his Twitter account, although verified as his, was clearly being operated by someone else -- and was ripping into critical fans.

That's what I want. I'm not likely to get it but a fan can dream. The odds are good that I wouldn't like O-Dog's answers anyway. Orlando Hudson, in his insulated little world, appears to simply think the way he thinks. But if he recanted, even a bit, I could get in the guy's corner.

****
On a side note:

I imagine yesterday was the day Orlando Hudson was made completely available to reporters as each of the guys (Corey, Dan, and Bill) submitted a story on the Padres second baseman. I can see Orlando Hudson holding court in the middle of the locker room, talking a mile-a-minute, slapping the rear-ends of new guys like Andrew Cashner and Edinson Volquez as they make it to the showers. I digress.

My point? Look at the variation in quotes from Corey Brock's article and Bill Center's.

Corey Brock:

"I guess when you go out and play hard ... things like that happen. If you don't play hard, it comes back that he don't give a damn, he don't care," Hudson said. "You go out and keep doing what you're doing. I'm not going to change the way I play."

Bill Center:

“I guess when you go out and play hard, things like that happen. If you don’t play hard, it comes back that you don’t care. You go out and keep doing what you’re doing. I’m not going to change the way I play.

 Assuming they were huddled around Hudson at the same time I find that kind of weird. If 'kind of weird' is a bit vague, I mean to say that quote #2 looks cleaned up. I guess the UT is a family fish-wrap now.

Orlando Hudson's Act of Contrition . . . not really

The Union Tribune's Bill Center has given Orlando Hudson a forum to reconstruct a tattered image. Your job, if you choose to accept it, is to either reject or accept his act of contrition . . .



Orlando Hudson says he never got his feet on the ground last season.

It's possible to simultaneously have one's head up their ass and to also have their feet on the ground. It's all science. I reject Bill Center's assertion.

“It wasn’t fun, it wasn’t fun at all,” the veteran second baseman said Wednesday of a 2011 season that saw him twice land on the disabled list and finish with one of the weaker campaigns of his career. 

This is a lie. If you laugh you're having fun. And when Orlando Hudson threw a ball into the stands last year he said he laughed about it. Because it was funny.

Laughter = fun.

This applies to nearly everyone except a particular subset of clowns whose performance is based on successfully creating balloon twisting animals and objects. These clowns are often tipped so poorly for their efforts that they no longer have souls despite the projection of a prodigiously painted smile.

Just havin' fun

“We’re all human,” he continued. “Flush it and go.”

As the father of infants, I don't appreciate the bathroom humor but I suppose I can accept this strategy. Mr. Hudson might be making strides in a direction fans would deem forward.

“This year is a different year,” said Hudson. “Last year was a little strange. It happens to everybody. You can’t be disappointed about it, you’ve got to keep playing, keep going hard.”

Disappointment is a colossal waste of time. How very Buddhist of him. He's like a Bodhisattva over there at second base. I dub thee, O-Dog-sattva.

Said Hudson: “I guess when you go out and play hard, things like that happen. If you don’t play hard, it comes back that you don’t care."

O-Dog-sattva is confusing me. Has he learned a lesson or is he chastising fans for forcing him to play hard to earn his money, the implication being that if he would have eased back on the throttle he never would have suffered any injuries?

IT'S! YOUR! FAULT! SAN DIEGO!

Hudson’s 2011 statistics included a career-low .246 batting average over 119 games, which was the second-fewest played in his career.

O-Dog-sattva showed up to work 73% of the time. On days that he did show up to work he was successful at his job less than 25% of the time. He was paid 100% of his salary -- which is roughly 1 Gazillion dollars more than I will make in my lifetime.

Man, the O-Dog-sattva is doing it right.

However, there was a perception in the extended Padres family, including fans, that the 34-year-old switch-hitter wasn’t all-in. Greeting rivals who reached second didn’t win Hudson points. Neither did tossing a ball into the stands with one out, then later making light of the incident.

Aldous Huxley once wrote, "There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception".

And then Jim Morrison started a band and got hopped up on mescaline. The point is drugs are bad for the artist but great for he who admires the art.

It sounds like I'm advocating the use of performance enhancing drugs so the O-Dog-sattva can boost his anemic numbers -- which I'm not at all proposing. Unless he wants to do it. And has a way to do it without getting caught. Wait. Getting caught would lead to a suspension . . .

At this point I don't know if we need steroids or mescaline. F&%k!

“I want to help this team any way I can.”
The Crash Davis School of Cliches . . . this is a step forward! Nice going O-Dog-sattva.

//I'm a jerk. And I cannot help myself

Things Bud Black has outlasted

I read the opening paragraph of Bill Center's article this morning and immediately stopped.

My mind was blown after reading these words written about Padres manager Bud Black:

 " . . . where he begins his sixth spring training as Padres manager Monday."

It seems like only yesterday that Bud Black arrived from Anaheim and the Bruce Bochy Era concluded. Yet here he is, beginning his 6th season with the Padres.

The only thing I could think of in response to this piece of information was to make a reference to a long running sit-com that I've never even watched. But Bud Black deserves better than that.

Bud Black should be applauded for making it to a 6th season as not everyone / everything has such staying power.

Here's a list of things that weren't as fortunate to make it to a sixth year. . .

Nirvana
With Nirvana's release of their debut album Bleach in June of 1989 and the subsequent suicide of Kurt Cobain in April of 1994 the seminal rock band failed to even make it to the 5 year mark.  
Bud Black > Flannel Apparel and Three Chord Guitar Progressions

Gale Sayers
Technically the career of the Kansas Comet lasted form 1965-1971 but catastrophic knee injuries cut his run of greatness short. Sayers only played two games in both the 1970 and 1971 seasons which by my count leaves his career at a full five seasons in the NFL.  
Bud Black > 1960's Knee Reconstruction

The Wire
The epic HBO series, portraying the urban decay of Baltimore as described by David Simon and Ed Burns, lasted a full 5 seasons and then called it quits.
Bud Black > Jimmy McNulty + Omar Little

Saved By The Bell: The College Years
Tiffani-Amber Thiessen was so good looking in 1993 she could have carried The College Years through a four year undergraduate program and a masters thesis. Alas, the series ended after one season.
Bud Black > Kelly Kapowski

Star Wars
Over the span of 28 years the George Lucas successfully brought 5* feature length Star Wars films to the big screen. I'm fudging with the parameters here but in terms of output it's more important to count the films and not the years in which they spanned.
Bud Black >  George Lucas' Dialogue and Jar Jar Binks

*Most Star Wars aficionados acknowledge that The Phantom Menace sucked horribly. As such I have not included it. And Bud Black wins.

The Greco-Persian Wars
Taken in tandem, the two invasions of Greece by the mighty Persian armies of Darius and Xerxes, lasted less than five years. Considering the superior strength of Persia and the fact that Greece ultimately won it's astonishing that these wars didn't last longer. Bud Black would have destroyed Greece.
Bud Black > Ancient History and its Commanders

The San Diego Padres
The Padres made it through 5 seasons in San Diego and then in 1974 were on the verge of moving to Washington DC. Had Ray Kroc not swooped in to save the day we'd be saying that Bud Black also outlasted the San Diego Padres . . . or would we? Feel free to contemplate this existential dilemma.
Bud Black = Ray Kroc (?)

Bud Black has yet to make the playoffs in San Diego but his tenure should be commended nonetheless. I foresee greatness for Bud Black. All he needs is the right number of years under his belt.

African Proverbs That Orlando Hudson Has Never Heard

 Rain beats a leopard's skin, but it does not wash out the spots ~The Ashanti of West Africa

 

Utilized as teaching tools, Proverbs act as tools for the oral transmission of culture from one generation to the next in parts of Africa. The above proverb immediately came to mind when I heard some commentary related to Padres second baseman Orlando Hudson yesterday . . .

 

Padres beat writer Bill Center conducts a chat each week on the UT website, fielding questions from fans. A couple of fellow fans (@thesacbunt and @vocalminoritySD) generally transcribe interesting parts of the chat via Twitter under the hashtag #sezBill.

From the Sac Bunt:

And also:

Orlando Hudson is 34 years old so I'm not holding my breath that a good rain beating down upon him will change who he is at a fundamental level. But I hope I'm wrong*.

*Only so we can trade him by July 31st.

 

I wondered if there were other proverbs that could retroactively help Orlando Hudson and discovered the following:

 

 Perhaps Orlando Hudson would have thought twice about insulting fans last spring after they voiced displeasure about the play of Brad Hawpe had he heard this one:

Do not tell the man carrying you that he stinks. ~Sierra Leone

Fans are the ones who watch television and attend games. They are the ones who make it possible for the Orlando Hudson's of the world to clear nearly $12 million dollars in 2 years. Accept the stink and revel in it,

 

Hudson was not the best fit in the clubhouse because he was never exposed to this truth:

A real family eats the same cornmeal. ~Bayombe

In Hudson's defense I'd bolt the clubhouse early too if Jeff Moorad was serving cornmeal as the after game spread.


Rekindling the fire at the age of 34, Orlando Hudson would do well to remember:

There is no medicine against old age. ~Accra

The nature of reality is impermanence. Buddha said that. If the Buddha could speak to the O-Dog he'd likely say, "You dyin' dog."

 

After throwing a ball into the stands with only two outs remember these two proverbs when speaking to reporters:

When your mouth stumbles, it's worse than feet. ~Oji

The teeth of a man serve as a fence. ~Wolof    

When your team is in last place and you exhibit the mental gaffe of the year DO NOT tell reporters you thought it was funny. It must be difficult to always be in self-censor mode but I advise the O-Dog to heed the collective wisdom of the Oji and Wolof.

 

If Orlando Hudson had the awareness of those in Kenya he may never have allowed someone else to speak on his behalf through Twitter:

The forest has ears. ~Kenya

Our modern day forest is Twitter and it has both ears and a zealous voice. I'd be remiss if I did not point out that without this transgression by Hudson we would have never heard the meme, #mowmylawn . . . so thank you, O-Dog.

 

Maybe Orlando Hudson will become a deep thinker during this off-season. It may or may not occur due to education by proverb.

Omar Minaya And My Inner Cynic

The Padres added Omar Minaya to the front office yesterday in a capacity similar to the one held by Josh Byrnes in 2011 while Jed Hoyer was San Diego's General Manager. The UT's Bill Center writes:

“Omar’s job will be similar to what I did last year,” said Byrnes. “I’ll be traveling a lot,” added Minaya, who was the general manager of Montreal from 2002-2004 and the Mets from 2004-2010.

A native of the Dominican Republic, Minaya was the first Hispanic general manager in the major leagues. He picked the Padres over a half dozen other offers.

 I asked a Mets fan what he thought of Omar Minaya and he opined that the former New York GM is a solid evaluator of talent if not a strong general manager. So that sounds like a good thing.

But my inner cynic reads that last part by Center and I immediately attribute the Minaya signing to all of the silly Josh Byrnes details Don Norcross saw fit to provide us with last week.

On the flip side, my rational mind notes that, at least Minaya was in demand.

Welcome aboard, Mr. Minaya.