The White Whale Manifesto (a.k.a. Raider Rivalry No More)

The Raiders, our long time geographical and divisional RIVAL, are no more. The Raiders are dead. The Raiders of Oakland/Los Angeles/Oakland are so inconsequential they are barely worth mentioning* except in the context of which I will now discuss and later propose. They will remain in this state until they cease to have a delusional owner who puts faith in 300 lb QBs and a disproportionate number of cast-offs and malcontents. Our rivalry with the Oakland Raiders is dead......but there is a new one forming...

San Diegans....all roads to the Super Bowl go through New England.

Whether you think our window of opportunity is as small as the 70's style side window of the Scooby Doo Mystery Machine or as vast as a room 1000 years wide, it is Tom Brady's New England tenure that will be our primary obstacle. Yes, "Zoolander" the gun slinging male model QB and his 3 rings. Through Bill Belichick and his incomprehensible "genius". Through the New England Patriots, folks.

One calendar year handed us 3 defeats to the New England Patriots:

1. January 14th, 2007..........A devastating divisional playoff loss where we were "Shown-Up" at games end.
2. September 16th, 2007.....A humiliating nationally televised drubbing on the heels of the Spygate fervor.
3. January 20th, 2008.........A trip to Glendale, Az on the line but our injuries and red zone inefficiencies could not be overcome.

How very painful to remember. This is our rivalry Charger faithful. As long as Zoolander is a QB in the NFL and Bill Belicheat is coaching, this is the team we will have to attend to, our white whale.

A measure of redemption is on the horizon though. On October 12th, 2008 we will be facing off against a New England Patriot team that in all likelihood will be carrying a 23 game regular season win streak (2006-2008). We can end that streak.

Ultimately the game will mean nothing without a Lombardi Trophy in hand in February 2009 but if we truly think ourselves players in the hunt for a championship, this game could mean everything. Where we play come playoff time could be decided in early October.

We went to Foxborough last year on September 16th and if there is one certainty, it is that our hate for the New England Patriots was galvanized on that day like we never thought it could be. One day spent with the rif-raf of New England was the galvanizing effect. There is a reason why they have t-shirts that read "Masshole" scrawled across the front. There is a reason why we heard the words qu&er, fa&got, h#m#, and fr@itcake, spewed by 21,345 different people, four times each......presumably their homophobia stems from sexual identity issues and an unhealthy aversion to the powder blue throwback jersey.

The fans out there were likely beat as children. Harsh northern winters shoveling driveways, scraping windshields and waiting for engines to warm also did much to harden the edges. We're sure that every wound literal or figurative (Buckner's wickets and Super Bowl XX) has had salt heaped into it ( Mr. Subliminal says 18-1). On top of these horrid exteriors they have, of all things......"Superiority Complexes".

1. Superior in their support of teams.
2. Superior in their game acumen.
   
3. Superior in all respects relating to the northeast.

To listen to what they say and to read the ideas they put to paper is "Hanoi Pit of Hell" painful. To live Christopher Walken's portrayal of Captain Koons and the hidden gold watch, would be an infinitely more pleasant experience than to be subjected to sports conversation with these people.

We hate the Patriots for myriad reasons:

• William Spygate Belichick
• The arrogant Zoolander Brady and his silly male model photo shoots
• The taunting after the Divisional Playoff game on January 14, 2007
• The Ex-Chargers who have hurt us--Harrison, Caldwell, Seau
• The condescending writers at the Globe and Herald
• The "...sawriest corner in the league. He is. He's the sawriest corner in the league" Ellis Hobbs
• That QUITTER Randy Moss

The list goes on yet we can say the following with certainty: all of the above will be gone in 20 years but remaining, one constant.....those who support the Patriots. Their fans. The ubiquitous Northeastern Moron.

There is no greater pain than a Boston sports fan....well....except the Boston fan who is also winning.

*Why consider a team that has not beat the Chargers since 2002? 2002! That's when The Department of Homeland Security gave us the color coded alert system and Ted Williams was cryogenically frozen! Who can even remember that far back? I needed VH1's "I love the Millenium" series to remind me of the eon that has passed since our last loss to those pirates.