It's Scifers Week...let's talk balls

We've all known for some time that Mike Scifers is a pretty special punter. He doesn't get the recognition he deserves because there are so many other fine punters out there....and nobody cares about kicking footballs. There is however, a noteworthy skill that he has mastered -- one that was developed under the tutelage of an Australian Master.

The Master: Darren Bennett

The Skill: The Aussie Kick

The Aussie Rules punt ensures that the ball, when punted, comes at you crazy like a knuckle ball but most importantly, due to the little flip given when dropping it for a punt, it does not bounce forward into the end-zone. It bounces pretty much straight up or slightly back. Colts trapped at the 2 yard line...Game....Set....Match!

I may have butchered the explanation but what do you expect...I'm not a punter! Direct any and all questions to 4th and Long...he's your Huckleberry.

In addition to this game changing kicking style, Darren Bennett is bad ass, and currently holds the number one most memorable punt according to us.

Oi Mate...ya dn't want me kickin' ya in the balls

We'll preface the following with this: the "most memorable punts list" only has three punts on it because during most weeks.....we could give two shits about punting away possession:

• #3 Sean Landetta of the Giants versus the Bears in January of 1986. On their way to a Superbowl XX victory the Bears handed it to the Giants 20-0 during the Divisional round of the playoffs. Landetta's kick went for negative yards (15 ?)...we were there...it was COLD!

• #2 Mike Scifers and his pin of Peyton Manning at the 2 yard line to essentially win the Wildcard game for the Chargers. 2009.

• #1 Darren Bennett.....the punt must have been terrible (or at least the coverage) because Bennett was forced to make a tackle...and he proceeded to kill the returner! Clothesline Destruction Tackle!!! Think it was his rookie campaign, fresh out of the Aussie Rules game, where men who kick must be men who tackle! 1994?

Three Punts in all of our years of watching football. Three stinking punts! Sorry 4th and Long... but it is what is.

Darren Bennett is the man and Scifers learned from him...The PUNTING MEN!

This concludes today's run for Mike Scifers, the ONLY player we will need on Sunday versus the Steelers.

Yah Fackin' Season's ovuh...But it's Wedding Season!

Is that "center for kids who can't read good and who want to learn to do other stuff good too" finished yet?

We now know that the only things worth talking about in the greater New England Area today are:

1. How bad, "they-uh gettin' fackin' rawbbed by nawt makin the playawwfs!"
2. The health of Tom Brady's knee (He is currently behind schedule)
3. The Christmas Eve engagement of Tom Brady and Giselle.

New Englanders are passionate about all of their sport teams...especially when they're doing well (how many are claiming the Bruins right now?). But the other thing they are passionate about is Tom Brady. How awesome he is in every way. How they would love to be him and have his life, etc.,etc. The passion for Tom Terrific begs the following question:
Hey Massholes! How do you feel about Tom Brady's engagement to, arguably, the biggest Super Model in the world?

We sent out a correspondent to RT's Long Board Bar and Grill, local Masshole hangout, during the Pats/Bills game Sunday morning. We sent in one of their own so that we could get the most truthful responses. Said correspondent used a tape recorder and HTP edited the statements to reflect the New England accent but kept the integrity of the original statement intact. The following commentary is telling and shows that the West Coast devotion to Sporting Heroes pails in comparison to that of the East Coast.

Our Patsie...No bribes of lobstah or chowdah...just Sam Adams Laguhh....Truth imitates Stereotypes.

We put these in by the order in which they were received. We were going to do a top ten list but the idiocy of the statements resonates best untouched. Enjoy the ridiculousness that is ALL of the transplants living in San Diego...

It's already established that if I could be someone else I'd be Tawm. So, awbviously, I would want Giselle as my wife.

I'd be hawnuhd to be Mrs. Tawm Brady.

I sar this comin' a mile away! What took so long!

Gawds should marry Gawdesses

They-uh kids sure will look outta place in Beantown...Fah to fackin attractive!

Next Lawgical step for Patriot Nation: Brazil. You Watch, Kraft will get us they-uh.

With the downturn in the ecawnomy and all of aww wahhs...it's nice to hear a pawsitive .

This marriage is a fackin sham! A Gawd should not cawmitt his seed to one woman! We need mahh little Tawms out there!

I can't believe Tawm is hittin' the baux that that queeuh Dicaprio once hit.

To think...if Bridgett Moynihan was a little mahh hawt...mahh like a mawduhl...we wouldn't be tawkin' about this crap.

They-uh the new Camelawt. Fahh-get Jack, Bawbby, Ted, Jawn-Jawn, and the whole lawt of them Kennedys. Tawm and Giselle...Patriot fans' Camelawt.

Yah...Plus the Old Camelawt gave us gay marriage...fackin' liberal facks...they-uh the reason that every diatribe of mine includes the words, homo, queeuh, fruitcake or ankle-grabbuh. To the New Camelawt.

Its like Prince Charles and Lady Diana gettin married...they-uh fackin royalty.

If they had been married a yee-uh ago they coulda challenged Obawma for the White House.

I told all you fackin' fags he wasn't a fackin' queeuh!

They will not be teaching yahh kids in school about his marriage since they only teach about homosexual marriage in Mass. schools.

Trade him. Cassel is bettuh anyways.

Question is...will she adopt his bastuhd child?

Do ya think they'll serve chawdah at the wedding?

Is Tom Brady's knee healing? Would the impending marriage affect Brady's play? Will he be the QB next year or will they hand the keys to the younger Matt Cassel?

These are questions Bahston fan will be asking each other as they cry into their beers this winter. Before they seriously ask these questions however, they will gripe and protest like they haven't griped and protested since the early 1770s......about what you ask?

Massholes' problem is how badly they have been wronged by missing the playoffs with an 11-5 record and how a lowly 8-8 team made it in over them...THE OUTRAGE! As we recall, this 8-8 team took you out to the wood shed and gave you a beating that was much worse than 30-10....so go ahead and think about that loss while you're scrapin' your windshield tomorrow morning, waitin' for your engine to warm up...

Let's do this 15 more times! If we can manage to overcome this horrible defeat and win...let's say, arbitrarily, 11 contests...then we will be the victors, and you shall take your army and leave this continent forever! Agreed!