When Choosing A Jersey...Use This Sound Strategy

The Charger Girls suggest that when choosing a replica Jersey you should make an investment that would be deemed wise. Questions to ask:

• Is this player "The Shit" or is this player "Just Shit"! (#31-CROMARTIE -Hate to bad mouth ...But?)
  
• Will he be a Free Agent next year? (#43-MR. SPROLES?)
  
• Is retirement on the horizon? (#21-LT and #76 Jamal Williams)
  
• Does he fit into the team's future? (#21-See LT and #56-Shawne Merriman)
  
• Does the # look cool? (#56-SM-It is the COOLEST looking # on a Jersey!)
  
• Is he likely to be arrested for DUI and consequently hammered by Goodell? (#83-Damn it Vincent!)
  
• Would you continue wearing it if he was playing for the rival Raiders or Patriots? (#37-Rodney Harrison and #55-Junior Seau....F-both of them!)
• Player is good. Has awesome name to say. Plays sparingly. Will he be around? (#11-Legedu Naane...AWESOME NAME!....and in checking the correct spelling I just found that we share the same birthday...#11 for me next season!)

These are the questions one must ask when pondering the purchase of a $300 Jersey. Who would have known that the most sound Jersey investment you could have made, back in the early '90s was that of long snapper David Binn? #50 has been here so long that he can lay claim to having played in the Chargers' only SuperBowl which also means he was on the field when the Chargers last defeated the Steelers during the playoffs. In addition the guy's hella cool...he golfs all day, drinks coffee at PRACTICE and dated Pam Anderson. In fact, Pam Anderson says, "All men are girls besides David Binn."

We're talking about practice...practice...PRACTICE...and everyone's seen my girl naked!

Fifteen years in the NFL = an excellent return on investment (and he re-signed through 2011). When using ROI solely as criteria for purchasing a player's Jersey there is really only one choice:

#5...Mr. Scifers will be here for at least 12 more years...technically, as a Greek God, he's immortal, so it could be even longer.....Your move.

It's Scifers Week...let's talk balls

We've all known for some time that Mike Scifers is a pretty special punter. He doesn't get the recognition he deserves because there are so many other fine punters out there....and nobody cares about kicking footballs. There is however, a noteworthy skill that he has mastered -- one that was developed under the tutelage of an Australian Master.

The Master: Darren Bennett

The Skill: The Aussie Kick

The Aussie Rules punt ensures that the ball, when punted, comes at you crazy like a knuckle ball but most importantly, due to the little flip given when dropping it for a punt, it does not bounce forward into the end-zone. It bounces pretty much straight up or slightly back. Colts trapped at the 2 yard line...Game....Set....Match!

I may have butchered the explanation but what do you expect...I'm not a punter! Direct any and all questions to 4th and Long...he's your Huckleberry.

In addition to this game changing kicking style, Darren Bennett is bad ass, and currently holds the number one most memorable punt according to us.

Oi Mate...ya dn't want me kickin' ya in the balls

We'll preface the following with this: the "most memorable punts list" only has three punts on it because during most weeks.....we could give two shits about punting away possession:

• #3 Sean Landetta of the Giants versus the Bears in January of 1986. On their way to a Superbowl XX victory the Bears handed it to the Giants 20-0 during the Divisional round of the playoffs. Landetta's kick went for negative yards (15 ?)...we were there...it was COLD!

• #2 Mike Scifers and his pin of Peyton Manning at the 2 yard line to essentially win the Wildcard game for the Chargers. 2009.

• #1 Darren Bennett.....the punt must have been terrible (or at least the coverage) because Bennett was forced to make a tackle...and he proceeded to kill the returner! Clothesline Destruction Tackle!!! Think it was his rookie campaign, fresh out of the Aussie Rules game, where men who kick must be men who tackle! 1994?

Three Punts in all of our years of watching football. Three stinking punts! Sorry 4th and Long... but it is what is.

Darren Bennett is the man and Scifers learned from him...The PUNTING MEN!

This concludes today's run for Mike Scifers, the ONLY player we will need on Sunday versus the Steelers.

Dear Patriot Tears #8

"4th and two in your opponents field with 12 minutes left and you punt? waaaaat, and to make matters worse, the punt is blocked. Mangenie...you suck!"

Posted by Matty Smalls December 28, 08 07:40 PM

Dear Patriot Tears,

We punted with under 4 minutes left, down 3 and attacking...But we've got The Greek God of Punting, Kikemedes Puntakos...a.k.a., MIKE SCIFERS! It's good to see the Patriot loathing towards one of their own. Viva Cleveland Mangini! Also...fuck that New England Cartoonist!

More Mike Scifers run....from 4th and Long

It is a wonder that it can even be pronounced. The combination of consonants and vowels flows off the tongue like so much peanut butter.

Scifres. Yet as strange as a combination of seemingly disparate letters, they equate to a beautiful combination of balance, power and timing which takes form on... Fourth and Long.
I love and hate that we are noticing a punter for what he does spectacularly. Mike Scifres certainly is one of the leagues best and should be known as such. He puts enough force through a football to maim a puma with enough precision to escape a mongoose. Yet I would like to point out that he is (close to) top of our sport because he performs the way we saw on Saturday (6 punts for 52.7 average punt, all 6 downed inside the 20), EVERY WEEK.

Do you want to know why he isn't in the Pro Bowl? Because he is 8th in the league in gross average and 3rd in the league in net average. What does that mean to the non punteresque individual? Punters in the NFL are getting better and better, in fact, most of them are now freaks. These guys are the same as every other NFL athlete--99.9th percentile. Go look at the bios of every punter in the league and look how many were All-Americans in something in high school or played another position in college. Just about every one. Ponder that next time you want to disparage a 32 yard shank. Punting is like driving a golf ball. Yet imagine this. You are tossed your Titelist prior to hitting it, must tee it up out of hand and then perform the proper technique to hit it over 320 yards.... Oh by the way, do this in 1.3 seconds or less and with guys sprinting at you who run 4.3 40's.... Oh and by the way again, put it on the green... every... time....

Defensive Player of the Year...would make a punter shit himself...

I step down off my soap box...

Although our punter here in San Diego is phenomenal, was stellar on Saturday, and will continue to be outstanding, so too are the other 31 guys doing it. Don't even get me started on place kickers. He has and will continue to help us win games, cause that just what he do. Small numbers, big responsibilities.

4th and Long

Until next time.. E'ry body gitcha Sprole on.....

Jockin' Mike Scifers...All Week Long

On account of Mike Scifers' contributions Saturday evening it is time to give the punter his due.....ALL WEEK LONG!

The following text went out Sunday morning as we reveled in the Chargers' thrilling overtime victory versus the Colts....

~All blasphemy aside...MIKE SCIFERS IS THE MESSIAH!!!~

These responses trickled in...

• Yes he is-Henry
• Yes he is-Charger Fan in Donkey Land
  
• Horse Trailer-Don't call me Shirley
  
• It is truly a beautiful thing to watch-Chef
• Somebody tell me how the hell Hochuli gets a playoff game? ( The Ghost of S.G. didn't understand the question)

This doesn't include a response from 4th and Long who, as a striker of balls, is sure to weigh-in shortly......on account of it being Mike Scifers Week.

But there were 6 die-hards who chose not to respond on Sunday morning so we can only assume that they felt the statement was Sunday Morning Blasphemy. So allow us to indulge your pre-common era polytheistic tendencies and offer that Mike Scifers is the reincarnation of the Greek God Kikimedes Puntakos. THERE! No blasphemy at all....Scifers is the Greek God of punting balls...discuss amongst yourselves...don't be skerd.

We'll continue to give Mike Scifers run all week.

The Greek God WILL factor heavily in our Heinz Field showdown...beleeb it!

Initial Thoughts on the Wild Card Playoff

CHARGERS 23 COLTS 17

MIKE SCIFRES IS A PUNTING GOD!!!!!!!

&

HOORAY FOR VOODOO