The introduction to 19 Reasons can be read here. Here's reason One and reason Two. And Three. And Four. Officially, this is Reason Five.
It was 1987. Friends had hopped on a plane to visit their long lost friend in San Diego, California. We journeyed to the beach, zoo, and other notable points of interest discovered over my first year living here.
And then we went to a Padres game at Jack Murphy Stadium . . .
While sitting in batting practice my best friend Matt caught a ball. A real ball. Touched by big-leaguers. I was incredulous! Why not me! I put aside my bitterness, congratulated my friend, and took solace in the consolation that my day would come soon enough.
Twenty-four years later I finally got a ball.
The 2011 season was the one in which I finally left for home with a ball from a Padres game. The when, where, and how of this ball was a bit unique, and if we're speaking candidly, illegitimate [I wrote about it here]. I'm not about to apologize for this ball, it's mine. But I also thought it to be an omen of sorts -- perhaps a harbinger of balls to come during the season. I had one but I still wanted the thrill of catching a ball during a game.
My seats were good in 2011, perfect for caroming foul-balls. In the spring, I brought my friend Mark to a game. I erred when I gave him the seat closest to the aisle . . .
How could I have known? I was happy for him. With a gentle nudge, he decided to give the ball to the young girl sitting with her father behind us. Before the offering we did get this picture for posterity, though.
There would be another close call in 2011 where a ball ricocheted off a stairwell, flew over the person's shoulder in front and to the right of me, skinned off my left ring finger, and continued over the shoulder of Rick from RJ's Fro. There would be a mad scramble for the scuffed ball in the aisle behind us, but again nothing for me to claim.
I got one ball in 2011 (illegitimate as it may be) and fell short on a couple of other occasions as I did in 1987 with Matt. Getting a foul ball at a game would be a thrill (I imagine) but the more memorable part seems to be the recounting of the circumstances, who you were with during the moment, your friends. When it comes to baseball games those are the things we carry . . .
The introduction to 19 Reasons can be read here. Here's reason One and reason Two. And Three. Officially, this is Reason Four.
My dictionary doesn't have a proper definition for the word meme, at least in the context that we have come to know it during these days of the internet. As such I've decided to take a snippet from Wikepedia which is in fine working condition after their day off yesterday. I quoth:
The term "Internet meme" refers to a concept that spreads rapidly from person to person via the Internet, largely through Internet-based email, blogs, forums, Image-boards, social networking sites, instant messaging and video streaming sites such as Youtube.
When the Padres began to make their way down the proverbial drain in 2011, only one thing could deliver fans from eternal damnation: humor.
That humor often manifested itself in the form of clever little memes dispersed throughout the blogosphere. In creating and disseminating these memes, we fans of the San Diego Padres Baseball Club, were offered salvation . .
It began in February, when the drain was nothing more than an abstract concept in a far off distance . . .
Balls Background
In 2011 Mat Latos signed three baseballs with the inscription, "I hate SF." An uproar ensued and a measured but proportional response was required by Padres fans across the globe. RJ's Fro stepped out from the shadows and provided a unanimous response in the form of . . . #balls.
Nearly every piece of Padre related Twitter discussion in February of 2011 found itself with the #balls hash-tag and it continued throughout the season especially when the Padres played the Giants or Latos was on the hill.
Practical Usage
The #balls meme is very versatile. There need be no discussion of baseball for it to be attached. In many ways it's the meme you want to use when you feel like you've been disrespected or perhaps under-appreciated. The fix is simple. Give your two cents, slap a #balls hash-tag on there, and you're good to go. Respect restored!
Example: I hate San Francisco Giants fans showing up to PETCO in their brand new World Series gear. #balls
The versatility of #balls is displayed when you want to illustrate that things just aren't going well for you.
Example: The Mrs. is going to be pissed. #balls.
Run with it . . .
Mow My Lawn Background
In 2011 Orlando Hudson lost favor with fans as he criticized fans for booing and then condescendingly mocked fans for not being able to play the game past the high school level.
The feelings towards Hudson began to reach a fever-pitch when he nonchalantly tossed a ball into the stands and was later quoted as saying that he thought it was funny.
But the tipping point with the O-Dog occurred when an individual operating his verified Twitter account responded to criticism by telling an individual to come over and "cut his grass"
"Cut his grass" quickly morphed into "Mow My Lawn" and the rest is history. This particular meme produced endless hours of fun over Twitter. And it's still feeding a hungry Padre public today.
Practical Usage
You feel the need to "big-time" an individual or you desire to give the illusion that you are more favored in life than some other mope on the street. How do you accurately convey your contempt? Easy. You simply say, "Mow My Lawn". If on twitter, say your peace, and then add a hash-tag to the comment (#mowmylawn).
Example: Are the Padres gonna get a new second baseman in 2012. Who knows? #mowmylawn
Example: I am better than you. Ask your mom! #mowmylawn
The Cult of Jesus Guzman Background
The Padres offensive output in 2011 was, in a word, offensive.
With the loss of Adrian Gonzalez the Padres offense slid dramatically and Padres fans were left with infinite questions.
Enter Jesus Guzman. Guzman did his best to energize an anemic offense by showing that there was a Padre who could indeed swing the stick. Jesus Guzman couldn't play defense a lick but who cares! He was so bad at first base I found it almost as equally entertaining as his hitting.
During Padres games in 2011 there was no shortage of memes centering around Jesus Guzman. Whether it was the reference to Guzman as a misfit toy (#misfittoycannon) by Craig Elsten at 619 Sports or the biblical references to Guzman's abilities (#jesussaves), all provide entertainment.
I always found myself partial to the idea that Padres fans had entered a cult. Jesus Guzman's hitting exploits (exaggerated as they may be) pushed fans to a very weird level. Jesus Guzman made me sense the imminence of a move to Africa, communal living, and endless supplies of kool-aid.
No matter what the exaggeration happened to be, I felt a deep sense of belonging with others in The Cult of Jesus Guzman (#cultofjesusguzman).
Practical Usage
This meme is pretty one-dimensional. Say something about Jesus Guzman and insert hash-tag. I am partial to saying something biblical so it reads as Jesus rather than Hay-Zeus, then adding a baseball exploit and following it up with the requisite hash-tag.
Of course, the next Padre who comes out of no where and hits the cover off the ball, might just have his exploits referenced as #TheCultOfJesusGuzman. With evolution one never knows.
Example: Sometimes Jesus turns water to wine. And sometimes he destroys PETCO Park. #TheCultOfJesusGuzman
Dickhats Background
When the 2010 World Series champion San Francisco Giants visited San Diego for the Padres home opener, our neighbors from the north arrived ostentatiously.Therewere championship banners on display, commemorative patches adorning brand-new jerseys and no dearth of black dyed beards.
It was the 2010 World Series hat however, which brought Padres fans back from the ledge on opening day. For, while this hat showcased a Giants championship, the triumph was overwhelmed by the phallic symbol adorning the back of the hat. The San Francisco Giants and their fans surely had a championship . . . and it looked like a penis.
Practical Usage In April everything related to the Giants became referenced with the hash-tag #dickhats. It is simultaneously an insult and a compliment. The insult stems from the decision by fans to wear a hat so poorly designed that the championship trophy looks . . . well, so un-trophy-like. The compliment is rooted in a collective desire for the Padres to finally win a championship. Ultimately we want #dickhats.
Example: Have fun with the Giants in town this week. PETCO will be overrun with idiots. #dickhats
Example: World Series appearance in 1984. World Series appearance in 1998. 2012 . . . #dickhats
Of these 2011 memes which did you enjoy most?
There are surely a fair number of memes I have not included in this post. My apologies. These were merely the four that originated in 2011 which I used with the greatest frequency. Feel free to deposit your favorite in the comment section if I missed it.
Right before the start of the 2011 season San Diego Padres pitcher Mat Latos signed three baseballs, to be auctioned off for charity. He signed them, "I Hate SF!"
It. Was. Awesome! Then San Francisco Giants fans completely melted down over the whole affair and it became even more awesome. 'Twas our own personal nirvana.
The #balls affair was an epic prelude to a season which, unfortunately, failed to deliver. Mat Latos missed the opening series against San Francisco and a lifetime passed before his spot in the rotation matched up with the Giants. By the time a showdown did occur reality had set in. The 2011 Padres were not a good team and any illusions of contending for the division had long since passed. But boy did the #balls episode kick things off right.
RJ's Fro made t-shirts to commemorate the dust-up, emblazoned with what had become the rallying cry of Padres fans on twitter: #balls. One simple word that continued to pop up through out the season. But what made #balls so great was that it brought fans together -- Padres fans still suffering from a bitter 2010 late-season collapse to the Giants. Amazingly, #balls became the catharsis I needed as a fan of the Padres.
I also loved that the cute little Padres who never make headlines suddenly had a player that others hated. Not just because he spoke his mind but because he was really good. And could make you look stupid with bat in hand.
Little pissing contests, like the "I Hate SF" #balls story, help to build great rivalries. The Padres and the NL West will miss Mat Latos. Though it pains me to say it, I'll miss former Giants pitcher Jonathan Sanchez, and all the crap he talked. I loved hating that guy. And I'll venture a guess that Giants fans might say the same about Mat Latos.
I'll miss the guy too. I always felt like something big might happen each time he took the hill. Best of luck to him in Cincinnati where I hope he wastes no time signing a few baseballs, "I Hate St.L!"
This all begs the question: With Mat Latos gone have our #balls gone with him?
I'd like to think that the spirit of #balls will continue. An us-against-them type of irreverence that is essential for teams like the Padres who attempt to do battle on very uneven terrain. For success in such a rough and tumble world one needs #balls.
They do have one thing in common though. Their respective teams give them very little run support. Just look at that photoshop... it says it all right there.
Matt Cain seems to always pitch well against the Padres but with little reward for the effort. No decisions and losses always mount when pitted against San Diego. I'm glad it is this way.
I recall watching Cain dominate the Padres back in August of 2007 only to be chased by a Geoff Blum single and then a Rob Makowiak double* in the 8th inning of a shutout. Leaving with a 3-0 lead and runners on 2nd and 3rd, pinch hitter Scott Hairston promptly deposited a 3 run bomb off the Western Metal Building. It was awesome. Hairston would later hit a walk-off HR in the 10th to win it for the Padres. Scott Hairston was a great pick-up in 2007 and I'll always remember him fondly. I will also remember that Matt Cain ALWAYS gets dealt a bad hand against San Diego.
After dominating the Padres in 2006 with a 3-0 record and a 1.33 ERA Matt Cain has gone 2-10 against the San Diego Padres while seeing peripheral stats like K/9 decrease and WHIP increase. I'm not saying he doesn't still dominate Padre hitters but since his early conquests he misses from time to time (think this year and the season ending series in 2010).
Matt Cain always has the ability to go out and shut a team down but something just doesn't click when he plays against the Padres. This is something I can live with.
Today it's Mat Latos versus Matt Cain. It should be a legitimate pitchers duel
* Rob Makowiak is one of my favorite July 31st pickups of all time. He was no Joe Randa... but who is? Kevin Towers gave up a player you've never heard of so don't feel too bad about the deal.
Out of curiosity I took a look at the daily blog of Giants beat reporter Andrew Baggarly of the San Jose Mercury News. I wanted to see if the Latos #balls story had any legs at the Giants' Spring Training camp in Scottsdale, Arizona. Here's what I found:
The other day, I linked to a story about the “I hate SF” balls that Mat Latos autographed for charity. Well, the news found its way into the Giants clubhouse. As I walked through the room today, I noticed a photocopy of the internet photo on one of the tables.
Do the World Champs need bulletin board material? Well the #balls photocopy was on a table and not a bulletin board... so I guess not... but that is neither here nor there.
I bet the photocopy existed more for the sake of illustrating how the Giants will be a marked team this year rather than motivation to beat Latos and the Padres. In his video blog, Baggarly seemed to suggest a lightheartedness on behalf of the Giants regarding the incident as well. For material to be considered truly Bulletin-board-esque I think it has to be something like this... of course this would definitely do it.
But if the Giants were using it as motivation that would be great too. Then we'd know the Padres have entered their heads.
Any other Great Moments In Bulletin Board Material history? Throw 'em in the comments section.
