Yesterday, Dan Hayes of the North County Times reported via Twiter, that all 35 Padres pitchers and catchers had reported to Peoria, Arizona. In addition to the mandatory appearance by pitchers and catchers 8 position players reported voluntarily. One of the position players was the oft maligned Orlando Hudson.
Orlando Hudson is well aware that his stock tumbled last year after coming to San Diego. The Padres tried to move him but his services went unwanted this winter.
Hudson is essentially a free agent following 2012 as the Padres would have to pay him $8 million dollars in 2013 but are likely to buy him out for $2 million instead.
Is his early arrival an attempt at some sort of penance? Perhaps this move by the O-Dog will show an attempt to provide the leadership that was sorely lacking last season and eventually persuade another team to offer him a multi-year deal in 2013.
According to sources on the ground at the Peoria Sports Complex, Orlando Hudson has already contributed selflessly to the cause in 2012 . . .
Showing posts with label Mow My Lawn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mow My Lawn. Show all posts
Monday, February 20, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
African Proverbs That Orlando Hudson Has Never Heard
Rain beats a leopard's skin, but it does not wash out the spots ~The Ashanti of West Africa
Utilized as teaching tools, Proverbs act as tools for the oral transmission of culture from one generation to the next in parts of Africa. The above proverb immediately came to mind when I heard some commentary related to Padres second baseman Orlando Hudson yesterday . . .
Padres beat writer Bill Center conducts a chat each week on the UT website, fielding questions from fans. A couple of fellow fans (@thesacbunt and @vocalminoritySD) generally transcribe interesting parts of the chat via Twitter under the hashtag #sezBill.
From the Sac Bunt:
And also:
Orlando Hudson is 34 years old so I'm not holding my breath that a good rain beating down upon him will change who he is at a fundamental level. But I hope I'm wrong*.
*Only so we can trade him by July 31st.
I wondered if there were other proverbs that could retroactively help Orlando Hudson and discovered the following:
Perhaps Orlando Hudson would have thought twice about insulting fans last spring after they voiced displeasure about the play of Brad Hawpe had he heard this one:
Do not tell the man carrying you that he stinks. ~Sierra Leone
Fans are the ones who watch television and attend games. They are the ones who make it possible for the Orlando Hudson's of the world to clear nearly $12 million dollars in 2 years. Accept the stink and revel in it,
Hudson was not the best fit in the clubhouse because he was never exposed to this truth:
In Hudson's defense I'd bolt the clubhouse early too if Jeff Moorad was serving cornmeal as the after game spread.A real family eats the same cornmeal. ~Bayombe
Rekindling the fire at the age of 34, Orlando Hudson would do well to remember:
There is no medicine against old age. ~Accra
The nature of reality is impermanence. Buddha said that. If the Buddha could speak to the O-Dog he'd likely say, "You dyin' dog."
After throwing a ball into the stands with only two outs remember these two proverbs when speaking to reporters:
When your mouth stumbles, it's worse than feet. ~Oji
The teeth of a man serve as a fence. ~Wolof
When your team is in last place and you exhibit the mental gaffe of the year DO NOT tell reporters you thought it was funny. It must be difficult to always be in self-censor mode but I advise the O-Dog to heed the collective wisdom of the Oji and Wolof.
If Orlando Hudson had the awareness of those in Kenya he may never have allowed someone else to speak on his behalf through Twitter:
The forest has ears. ~Kenya
Our modern day forest is Twitter and it has both ears and a zealous voice. I'd be remiss if I did not point out that without this transgression by Hudson we would have never heard the meme, #mowmylawn . . . so thank you, O-Dog.
Maybe Orlando Hudson will become a deep thinker during this off-season. It may or may not occur due to education by proverb.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
19 Reasons: The Great Meme Contest of '11
The introduction to 19 Reasons can be read here. Here's reason One and reason Two. And Three. Officially, this is Reason Four.
My dictionary doesn't have a proper definition for the word meme, at least in the context that we have come to know it during these days of the internet. As such I've decided to take a snippet from Wikepedia which is in fine working condition after their day off yesterday. I quoth:
That humor often manifested itself in the form of clever little memes dispersed throughout the blogosphere. In creating and disseminating these memes, we fans of the San Diego Padres Baseball Club, were offered salvation . .
It began in February, when the drain was nothing more than an abstract concept in a far off distance . . .
Balls
Background
In 2011 Mat Latos signed three baseballs with the inscription, "I hate SF." An uproar ensued and a measured but proportional response was required by Padres fans across the globe. RJ's Fro stepped out from the shadows and provided a unanimous response in the form of . . . #balls.
Nearly every piece of Padre related Twitter discussion in February of 2011 found itself with the #balls hash-tag and it continued throughout the season especially when the Padres played the Giants or Latos was on the hill.
Practical Usage
The #balls meme is very versatile. There need be no discussion of baseball for it to be attached. In many ways it's the meme you want to use when you feel like you've been disrespected or perhaps under-appreciated. The fix is simple. Give your two cents, slap a #balls hash-tag on there, and you're good to go. Respect restored!
Example: I hate San Francisco Giants fans showing up to PETCO in their brand new World Series gear. #balls
The versatility of #balls is displayed when you want to illustrate that things just aren't going well for you.
Example: The Mrs. is going to be pissed. #balls.
Run with it . . .
Mow My Lawn
Background
In 2011 Orlando Hudson lost favor with fans as he criticized fans for booing and then condescendingly mocked fans for not being able to play the game past the high school level.
The feelings towards Hudson began to reach a fever-pitch when he nonchalantly tossed a ball into the stands and was later quoted as saying that he thought it was funny.
But the tipping point with the O-Dog occurred when an individual operating his verified Twitter account responded to criticism by telling an individual to come over and "cut his grass"
"Cut his grass" quickly morphed into "Mow My Lawn" and the rest is history. This particular meme produced endless hours of fun over Twitter. And it's still feeding a hungry Padre public today.
Practical Usage
You feel the need to "big-time" an individual or you desire to give the illusion that you are more favored in life than some other mope on the street. How do you accurately convey your contempt? Easy. You simply say, "Mow My Lawn". If on twitter, say your peace, and then add a hash-tag to the comment (#mowmylawn).
Example: Are the Padres gonna get a new second baseman in 2012. Who knows? #mowmylawn
Example: I am better than you. Ask your mom! #mowmylawn
The Cult of Jesus Guzman
Background
The Padres offensive output in 2011 was, in a word, offensive.
With the loss of Adrian Gonzalez the Padres offense slid dramatically and Padres fans were left with infinite questions.
Enter Jesus Guzman. Guzman did his best to energize an anemic offense by showing that there was a Padre who could indeed swing the stick. Jesus Guzman couldn't play defense a lick but who cares! He was so bad at first base I found it almost as equally entertaining as his hitting.
During Padres games in 2011 there was no shortage of memes centering around Jesus Guzman. Whether it was the reference to Guzman as a misfit toy (#misfittoycannon) by Craig Elsten at 619 Sports or the biblical references to Guzman's abilities (#jesussaves), all provide entertainment.
I always found myself partial to the idea that Padres fans had entered a cult. Jesus Guzman's hitting exploits (exaggerated as they may be) pushed fans to a very weird level. Jesus Guzman made me sense the imminence of a move to Africa, communal living, and endless supplies of kool-aid.
No matter what the exaggeration happened to be, I felt a deep sense of belonging with others in The Cult of Jesus Guzman (#cultofjesusguzman).
Practical Usage
This meme is pretty one-dimensional. Say something about Jesus Guzman and insert hash-tag. I am partial to saying something biblical so it reads as Jesus rather than Hay-Zeus, then adding a baseball exploit and following it up with the requisite hash-tag.
Of course, the next Padre who comes out of no where and hits the cover off the ball, might just have his exploits referenced as #TheCultOfJesusGuzman. With evolution one never knows.
Example: Sometimes Jesus turns water to wine. And sometimes he destroys PETCO Park. #TheCultOfJesusGuzman
Dickhats
Background
When the 2010 World Series champion San Francisco Giants visited San Diego for the Padres home opener, our neighbors from the north arrived ostentatiously. There were championship banners on display, commemorative patches adorning brand-new jerseys and no dearth of black dyed beards.
It was the 2010 World Series hat however, which brought Padres fans back from the ledge on opening day. For, while this hat showcased a Giants championship, the triumph was overwhelmed by the phallic symbol adorning the back of the hat. The San Francisco Giants and their fans surely had a championship . . . and it looked like a penis.
Practical Usage
In April everything related to the Giants became referenced with the hash-tag #dickhats. It is simultaneously an insult and a compliment. The insult stems from the decision by fans to wear a hat so poorly designed that the championship trophy looks . . . well, so un-trophy-like. The compliment is rooted in a collective desire for the Padres to finally win a championship. Ultimately we want #dickhats.
Example: Have fun with the Giants in town this week. PETCO will be overrun with idiots. #dickhats
Example: World Series appearance in 1984. World Series appearance in 1998. 2012 . . . #dickhats
Of these 2011 memes which did you enjoy most?
There are surely a fair number of memes I have not included in this post. My apologies. These were merely the four that originated in 2011 which I used with the greatest frequency. Feel free to deposit your favorite in the comment section if I missed it.
Let the humor continue to flow in 2012
My dictionary doesn't have a proper definition for the word meme, at least in the context that we have come to know it during these days of the internet. As such I've decided to take a snippet from Wikepedia which is in fine working condition after their day off yesterday. I quoth:
The term "Internet meme" refers to a concept that spreads rapidly from person to person via the Internet, largely through Internet-based email, blogs, forums, Image-boards, social networking sites, instant messaging and video streaming sites such as Youtube.When the Padres began to make their way down the proverbial drain in 2011, only one thing could deliver fans from eternal damnation: humor.
That humor often manifested itself in the form of clever little memes dispersed throughout the blogosphere. In creating and disseminating these memes, we fans of the San Diego Padres Baseball Club, were offered salvation . .
It began in February, when the drain was nothing more than an abstract concept in a far off distance . . .
Balls
Background
In 2011 Mat Latos signed three baseballs with the inscription, "I hate SF." An uproar ensued and a measured but proportional response was required by Padres fans across the globe. RJ's Fro stepped out from the shadows and provided a unanimous response in the form of . . . #balls.
Nearly every piece of Padre related Twitter discussion in February of 2011 found itself with the #balls hash-tag and it continued throughout the season especially when the Padres played the Giants or Latos was on the hill.
Practical Usage
The #balls meme is very versatile. There need be no discussion of baseball for it to be attached. In many ways it's the meme you want to use when you feel like you've been disrespected or perhaps under-appreciated. The fix is simple. Give your two cents, slap a #balls hash-tag on there, and you're good to go. Respect restored!
Example: I hate San Francisco Giants fans showing up to PETCO in their brand new World Series gear. #balls
The versatility of #balls is displayed when you want to illustrate that things just aren't going well for you.
Example: The Mrs. is going to be pissed. #balls.
Run with it . . .
Mow My Lawn
Background
In 2011 Orlando Hudson lost favor with fans as he criticized fans for booing and then condescendingly mocked fans for not being able to play the game past the high school level.
The feelings towards Hudson began to reach a fever-pitch when he nonchalantly tossed a ball into the stands and was later quoted as saying that he thought it was funny.
But the tipping point with the O-Dog occurred when an individual operating his verified Twitter account responded to criticism by telling an individual to come over and "cut his grass"
"Cut his grass" quickly morphed into "Mow My Lawn" and the rest is history. This particular meme produced endless hours of fun over Twitter. And it's still feeding a hungry Padre public today.
Practical Usage
You feel the need to "big-time" an individual or you desire to give the illusion that you are more favored in life than some other mope on the street. How do you accurately convey your contempt? Easy. You simply say, "Mow My Lawn". If on twitter, say your peace, and then add a hash-tag to the comment (#mowmylawn).
Example: Are the Padres gonna get a new second baseman in 2012. Who knows? #mowmylawn
Example: I am better than you. Ask your mom! #mowmylawn
The Cult of Jesus Guzman
Background
The Padres offensive output in 2011 was, in a word, offensive.
With the loss of Adrian Gonzalez the Padres offense slid dramatically and Padres fans were left with infinite questions.
Enter Jesus Guzman. Guzman did his best to energize an anemic offense by showing that there was a Padre who could indeed swing the stick. Jesus Guzman couldn't play defense a lick but who cares! He was so bad at first base I found it almost as equally entertaining as his hitting.
During Padres games in 2011 there was no shortage of memes centering around Jesus Guzman. Whether it was the reference to Guzman as a misfit toy (#misfittoycannon) by Craig Elsten at 619 Sports or the biblical references to Guzman's abilities (#jesussaves), all provide entertainment.
I always found myself partial to the idea that Padres fans had entered a cult. Jesus Guzman's hitting exploits (exaggerated as they may be) pushed fans to a very weird level. Jesus Guzman made me sense the imminence of a move to Africa, communal living, and endless supplies of kool-aid.
No matter what the exaggeration happened to be, I felt a deep sense of belonging with others in The Cult of Jesus Guzman (#cultofjesusguzman).
Practical Usage
This meme is pretty one-dimensional. Say something about Jesus Guzman and insert hash-tag. I am partial to saying something biblical so it reads as Jesus rather than Hay-Zeus, then adding a baseball exploit and following it up with the requisite hash-tag.
Of course, the next Padre who comes out of no where and hits the cover off the ball, might just have his exploits referenced as #TheCultOfJesusGuzman. With evolution one never knows.
Example: Sometimes Jesus turns water to wine. And sometimes he destroys PETCO Park. #TheCultOfJesusGuzman
Dickhats
Background
When the 2010 World Series champion San Francisco Giants visited San Diego for the Padres home opener, our neighbors from the north arrived ostentatiously. There were championship banners on display, commemorative patches adorning brand-new jerseys and no dearth of black dyed beards.
It was the 2010 World Series hat however, which brought Padres fans back from the ledge on opening day. For, while this hat showcased a Giants championship, the triumph was overwhelmed by the phallic symbol adorning the back of the hat. The San Francisco Giants and their fans surely had a championship . . . and it looked like a penis.
Practical Usage
In April everything related to the Giants became referenced with the hash-tag #dickhats. It is simultaneously an insult and a compliment. The insult stems from the decision by fans to wear a hat so poorly designed that the championship trophy looks . . . well, so un-trophy-like. The compliment is rooted in a collective desire for the Padres to finally win a championship. Ultimately we want #dickhats.
Example: Have fun with the Giants in town this week. PETCO will be overrun with idiots. #dickhats
Example: World Series appearance in 1984. World Series appearance in 1998. 2012 . . . #dickhats
Of these 2011 memes which did you enjoy most?
Let the humor continue to flow in 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Mowing Orlando Hudson's Lawn . . . for charity
This evening, Padres MLB beat writer Corey Brock, offered a tweet with a couple of predictions for the team in 2012. He also asked fans to boldly predict the 2012 Padres season, an irresistible offer. I proffered the following:
Last season Orlando Hudson tried to defend the beleaguered Bad Hawpe by ripping into fans who never made it out of the high school ranks. He tossed a ball to fans in the stands with less than two outs and then had the nerve to laugh about it with the media after the loss. The trifecta was completed when the Orlando Hudson twitter account suggested to critical fans that they were only good enough to mow his lawn. Many of us, to say the least, were irked by the presence of Orlando Hudson last season.
There is no denying that Orlando Hudson can be a dick. But there is also no repudiating the man's philanthropy, specifically his work on behalf of autistic children. Orlando Hudson is an admirable dick if nothing else.
Why not merge Orlando's miserable on-field persona with his off-field kindness, in the form of a contest? Here's how I see it playing out . . .
We have a blind auction. People submit non-refundable bids to mow Orlando Hudson's lawn. The high bid wins, receiving the splendor that accompanies a hard day's yard-work all beneath the shaded umbrella of a charitable cause.
Do those who lost out on the bidding war get anything? Of course there's a consolation prize!
All losing bids are donated to Orlando Hudson's charity and each junior philanthropist shall play an interactive role in the day's events. They get to go to Orlando Hudson's house and watch the winning bidder mow the O-Dog's lawn. While the bidders who couldn't cut it with a more substantial financial contribution watch from the driveway, O-Dog will throw baseballs to them, playfully mocking his on-field blunder in 2011.
This is a win-win.
Orlando Hudson gets donations from every fan who submits a bid, all of which are donated to his C.A.T.C.H. foundation. We all get to laugh at one another, maybe see O-Dog slap the guy on the rear as he turns a corner while mowing the lawn. And most importantly I get to be right about a prediction for the 2012 season.
This is not set in stone. Feel free to add some elements to what will no doubt become a bidding war.
O-Dog holds a contest to mow his lawn. Proceeds benefit his Autism Charity. Simultaneously alienates and ingratiates fans.Pretend this prediction is awesome for a brief moment [and it is]. Now ask me why it is so awesome [thank you]. Because it could actually work . . .
Last season Orlando Hudson tried to defend the beleaguered Bad Hawpe by ripping into fans who never made it out of the high school ranks. He tossed a ball to fans in the stands with less than two outs and then had the nerve to laugh about it with the media after the loss. The trifecta was completed when the Orlando Hudson twitter account suggested to critical fans that they were only good enough to mow his lawn. Many of us, to say the least, were irked by the presence of Orlando Hudson last season.
There is no denying that Orlando Hudson can be a dick. But there is also no repudiating the man's philanthropy, specifically his work on behalf of autistic children. Orlando Hudson is an admirable dick if nothing else.
Why not merge Orlando's miserable on-field persona with his off-field kindness, in the form of a contest? Here's how I see it playing out . . .
We have a blind auction. People submit non-refundable bids to mow Orlando Hudson's lawn. The high bid wins, receiving the splendor that accompanies a hard day's yard-work all beneath the shaded umbrella of a charitable cause.
Do those who lost out on the bidding war get anything? Of course there's a consolation prize!
All losing bids are donated to Orlando Hudson's charity and each junior philanthropist shall play an interactive role in the day's events. They get to go to Orlando Hudson's house and watch the winning bidder mow the O-Dog's lawn. While the bidders who couldn't cut it with a more substantial financial contribution watch from the driveway, O-Dog will throw baseballs to them, playfully mocking his on-field blunder in 2011.
This is a win-win.
Orlando Hudson gets donations from every fan who submits a bid, all of which are donated to his C.A.T.C.H. foundation. We all get to laugh at one another, maybe see O-Dog slap the guy on the rear as he turns a corner while mowing the lawn. And most importantly I get to be right about a prediction for the 2012 season.
This is not set in stone. Feel free to add some elements to what will no doubt become a bidding war.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Guest Post: @Homersapien619 is mad at Orlando Hudson types . . . and he ain't gonna take it anymore!
A blog is a place to vent. As such, I have an open door policy to those who have become friends. When you factor into the equation that this post simultaneously denigrates both Orlando Hudson and Shaun Phillips I have little choice but to acquiesce.
This column comes from a man known on the Internet as @Homersapien619 and 'tis his first foray into the blogging business. Welcome him, please.
Congratulations, Homer! You're officially an a-hole.
This is my first ever blog submission. I’m normally one of the guys in the background, doing a lot of technical stuff, making the writers look good. Hopefully, this is going to live up to the Avenging Jack Murphy standards of excellence. That means there will be at least one Joe Randa reference, guaranteed. But, I haven’t been drinking Ballast Point Sculpin IPA, so it’s doubtful there will be any misspelled capitalization errors (see: vIlL WeNaBlE).
That having been said, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend among San Diego “professional” athletes this year in terms of interacting with their fans via social media sites like Twitter.
If you don’t know, I have been coordinating social media locally for a Fortune 500 company, so I think I have a little insight into how not to interact with customers (aka fans) via Twitter. And lately, certain San Diego athletes have been doing it wrong.
I have dubbed it the “Mow My Lawn” rule, after the following interaction between Padres fan, Scott Colson and the account of Padres 2nd baseman Orlando Hudson.
I say account because it was obvious that someone else was tweeting for Orlando. But that’s another story altogether.
Anyone who knows me knows I’m not a Chargers fan. In fact, I’m really not a football fan. I follow the sport, but nowhere near as closely as others.
But Monday I just happened to come across a couple of tweets from two Chargers players that fall under the “Mow My Lawn” rule. The following tweets are prime examples of why I don’t like the Chargers organization as a whole, and the current players in particular.
First up, I give you TE Randy McMichael (@randymac81):
I didn’t include his tweet shortly after this one where he calls a fan an @$$hole after said fan made a joke involving some of the people he was following (Editor's note: Wow . . . you're not as big of an asshole as I thought, Homer!)
Hey, Randy. It’s never a good idea to denigrate grocery baggers. Next thing you know, your bread & eggs are underneath the milk.
Secondly, I give you everyone's Twitter favorite, LB Shaun Phillips (@ShaunPhillips95):
What can I say about this sequence? I’ve heard it all before from Shaun. He’s notorious for berating critics with his tweets. Even when he deserves it.
My point is this: Yes, we know that you’re getting paid to do a job that most of us can’t do. But you should remember that as fans, we pay our hard earned money to buy tickets. Or jerseys. Or t-shirts. Or MLB Extra Innings. Or NFL Sunday Ticket. Most of us don’t have a lot of disposable income to buy these things. So you should man-up and take the criticisms with a grain of salt.
Does this mean you should respond with “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I disagree with your point,” or “I understand and I’ll do better next time”? No. I’m sure I’d call you a pussy if you took that stance. But take some responsibility for the way your TEAM is playing.
That’s right, I said TEAM.
The fact is that the Chargers have lost 5 in a row as I write this. I have no idea how Randy McMichael or Shaun Phillips are playing right now. They could suck more than the suckiest bunch of sucks whoever sucked. Or they could be invoking the image of Joe Randa, roundhouse kicking their way into the record books. But their TEAM is playing like the suckiest bunch of sucks whoever sucked.
There’s that word again. TEAM.
*Editor's Note: Excellent Joe Randa product placement.
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