As I waded through the crowds during Spring Training I had a thought. I've found thoughts to be a dangerous thing. If I'm left to my own devices and given moments for revery I tend to fixate on those thoughts. Ultimately I have no choice but to write about them in an effort to purge myself of the erratic nonsense pinging around the tin-can that is my mind.
Having said that, this is my thought on a method for Padres fans to signal distress during the most dire of times . . .
Crowds can be distressing but this is not about crowds per se. It is about the accompanying diversity of baseball fans that is found within the crowd.
During Spring Training these crowds descended upon the greater Phoenix area and provided me with a sense of dis-ease. It was Spring Training for God's sake, and for the most part I felt great! There I was amongst friends, under a near perfect sky, and with the return of baseball imminent, I felt . . . distressed.
Sometimes we see our nation's flag flown upside down from individuals who are protesting a perceived injustice. To fly a flag upside down however is formally meant as a military distress signal.
On account of the San Francisco Giants fans tramping around Peoria, still adorned in 2010 World Series gear during the year 2012, and as a fan of the San Diego Padres, I felt there needed to be some sort of distress signal for our ilk.
One can only bear so many reminders of how the team you support (the Padres) collapsed to a divisional rival (the Giants) and then that miserable rival went on to win a championship (f&*k!). The new jerseys with World Series patches, and the hats with . . . trophies, I guess . . . they're distressing to say the least.
As fans of the Padres we need advance warning that these types are permeating an area so we can take proper action. Whether it involves leaving the area all together or simply staring at the ground as you meander through the crowd, a distress signal must be provided for no other reason than to quell an overactive imagination (see: me).
I present to Padres fans a Universal Distress Signal:
I don't know how this will work. Feel free to run with it though -- T-shirts, flags, banners -- knock yourself out.
Crap, this is a terrible idea. Look, I just don't want to see this phallic trophies anymore . . . is that so wrong?
The introduction to 19 Reasons can be read here. Here's reason One and reason Two. And Three. Officially, this is Reason Four.
My dictionary doesn't have a proper definition for the word meme, at least in the context that we have come to know it during these days of the internet. As such I've decided to take a snippet from Wikepedia which is in fine working condition after their day off yesterday. I quoth:
The term "Internet meme" refers to a concept that spreads rapidly from person to person via the Internet, largely through Internet-based email, blogs, forums, Image-boards, social networking sites, instant messaging and video streaming sites such as Youtube.
When the Padres began to make their way down the proverbial drain in 2011, only one thing could deliver fans from eternal damnation: humor.
That humor often manifested itself in the form of clever little memes dispersed throughout the blogosphere. In creating and disseminating these memes, we fans of the San Diego Padres Baseball Club, were offered salvation . .
It began in February, when the drain was nothing more than an abstract concept in a far off distance . . .
Balls Background
In 2011 Mat Latos signed three baseballs with the inscription, "I hate SF." An uproar ensued and a measured but proportional response was required by Padres fans across the globe. RJ's Fro stepped out from the shadows and provided a unanimous response in the form of . . . #balls.
Nearly every piece of Padre related Twitter discussion in February of 2011 found itself with the #balls hash-tag and it continued throughout the season especially when the Padres played the Giants or Latos was on the hill.
Practical Usage
The #balls meme is very versatile. There need be no discussion of baseball for it to be attached. In many ways it's the meme you want to use when you feel like you've been disrespected or perhaps under-appreciated. The fix is simple. Give your two cents, slap a #balls hash-tag on there, and you're good to go. Respect restored!
Example: I hate San Francisco Giants fans showing up to PETCO in their brand new World Series gear. #balls
The versatility of #balls is displayed when you want to illustrate that things just aren't going well for you.
Example: The Mrs. is going to be pissed. #balls.
Run with it . . .
Mow My Lawn Background
In 2011 Orlando Hudson lost favor with fans as he criticized fans for booing and then condescendingly mocked fans for not being able to play the game past the high school level.
The feelings towards Hudson began to reach a fever-pitch when he nonchalantly tossed a ball into the stands and was later quoted as saying that he thought it was funny.
But the tipping point with the O-Dog occurred when an individual operating his verified Twitter account responded to criticism by telling an individual to come over and "cut his grass"
"Cut his grass" quickly morphed into "Mow My Lawn" and the rest is history. This particular meme produced endless hours of fun over Twitter. And it's still feeding a hungry Padre public today.
Practical Usage
You feel the need to "big-time" an individual or you desire to give the illusion that you are more favored in life than some other mope on the street. How do you accurately convey your contempt? Easy. You simply say, "Mow My Lawn". If on twitter, say your peace, and then add a hash-tag to the comment (#mowmylawn).
Example: Are the Padres gonna get a new second baseman in 2012. Who knows? #mowmylawn
Example: I am better than you. Ask your mom! #mowmylawn
The Cult of Jesus Guzman Background
The Padres offensive output in 2011 was, in a word, offensive.
With the loss of Adrian Gonzalez the Padres offense slid dramatically and Padres fans were left with infinite questions.
Enter Jesus Guzman. Guzman did his best to energize an anemic offense by showing that there was a Padre who could indeed swing the stick. Jesus Guzman couldn't play defense a lick but who cares! He was so bad at first base I found it almost as equally entertaining as his hitting.
During Padres games in 2011 there was no shortage of memes centering around Jesus Guzman. Whether it was the reference to Guzman as a misfit toy (#misfittoycannon) by Craig Elsten at 619 Sports or the biblical references to Guzman's abilities (#jesussaves), all provide entertainment.
I always found myself partial to the idea that Padres fans had entered a cult. Jesus Guzman's hitting exploits (exaggerated as they may be) pushed fans to a very weird level. Jesus Guzman made me sense the imminence of a move to Africa, communal living, and endless supplies of kool-aid.
No matter what the exaggeration happened to be, I felt a deep sense of belonging with others in The Cult of Jesus Guzman (#cultofjesusguzman).
Practical Usage
This meme is pretty one-dimensional. Say something about Jesus Guzman and insert hash-tag. I am partial to saying something biblical so it reads as Jesus rather than Hay-Zeus, then adding a baseball exploit and following it up with the requisite hash-tag.
Of course, the next Padre who comes out of no where and hits the cover off the ball, might just have his exploits referenced as #TheCultOfJesusGuzman. With evolution one never knows.
Example: Sometimes Jesus turns water to wine. And sometimes he destroys PETCO Park. #TheCultOfJesusGuzman
Dickhats Background
When the 2010 World Series champion San Francisco Giants visited San Diego for the Padres home opener, our neighbors from the north arrived ostentatiously.Therewere championship banners on display, commemorative patches adorning brand-new jerseys and no dearth of black dyed beards.
It was the 2010 World Series hat however, which brought Padres fans back from the ledge on opening day. For, while this hat showcased a Giants championship, the triumph was overwhelmed by the phallic symbol adorning the back of the hat. The San Francisco Giants and their fans surely had a championship . . . and it looked like a penis.
Practical Usage In April everything related to the Giants became referenced with the hash-tag #dickhats. It is simultaneously an insult and a compliment. The insult stems from the decision by fans to wear a hat so poorly designed that the championship trophy looks . . . well, so un-trophy-like. The compliment is rooted in a collective desire for the Padres to finally win a championship. Ultimately we want #dickhats.
Example: Have fun with the Giants in town this week. PETCO will be overrun with idiots. #dickhats
Example: World Series appearance in 1984. World Series appearance in 1998. 2012 . . . #dickhats
Of these 2011 memes which did you enjoy most?
There are surely a fair number of memes I have not included in this post. My apologies. These were merely the four that originated in 2011 which I used with the greatest frequency. Feel free to deposit your favorite in the comment section if I missed it.
