Just over a week ago, Ducksnorts, SDPads1, the Driver and myself set off to Peoria, Arizona to see the first games of spring. The pilgrimage to Arizona, for many, is a fan's rite of passage -- the opportunity to watch the youngsters, the up-and-comers, the new arrivals, and the veterans who have surely turned the corner during the off-season and are now ready to make the most significant of contributions.
While our attendance in Arizona was predicated on the ideals stated above it was rooted in something far deeper and meaningful. While we did not know it at the time this trip was about absolution.
Hunter S. Thompson once wrote, "If there is, in fact, a Heaven and a Hell, all we know for sure is that Hell will be a viciously overcrowded version of Phoenix."
On a Saturday morning in late February we descended into hell . . .
After stopping in Yuma for breakfast and picking up a relic to protect us on our journeys we carried on to Spring Training 2012. As we made our way to the greater-Phoenix area we plotted our afternoon. The Padres were not scheduled to open their season until Sunday when they would meet the loathsome Mariners in the annual charity game between the Peoria Sports Complex roommates. We needed to find a game to watch for that Saturday.
As we looked through the schedule we determined that we wanted to see the much-ballyhooed Salt River Fields at Talking Stick where the Rockies and D-Backs play. Fortuitously, the game at Talking Stick was sold-out and with Stub Hub prices far out of our reach we turned our attention to catching a Giants game. Alas, the team from San Francisco had also sold-out. Ultimately, circumstances led us to Goodyear, Arizona where we would see the opener between the Cleveland Indians and the Cincinnati Reds. It was our fate.
We walked through the gate and sought refuge in Colorado's Fat Tire Ale as we would for the better part of the weekend. With beers in hand we parked-up at a convenient patio located in left field and we began to nourish ourselves. The time had come to confront the sins of our Padres past.
With steely resolve we looked on as the Reds took the field. Before our eyes the new left fielder for Cincinnati dug his cleats into the turf and settled himself for the first pitches of spring. We had traversed this great distance and had found ourselves with a view that had grown so familiar over the previous 18 months -- it was Ryan Ludwick.
The introduction to 19 Reasons can be read here. Here's reason One and reason Two. And Three. Officially, this is Reason Four.
My dictionary doesn't have a proper definition for the word meme, at least in the context that we have come to know it during these days of the internet. As such I've decided to take a snippet from Wikepedia which is in fine working condition after their day off yesterday. I quoth:
The term "Internet meme" refers to a concept that spreads rapidly from person to person via the Internet, largely through Internet-based email, blogs, forums, Image-boards, social networking sites, instant messaging and video streaming sites such as Youtube.
When the Padres began to make their way down the proverbial drain in 2011, only one thing could deliver fans from eternal damnation: humor.
That humor often manifested itself in the form of clever little memes dispersed throughout the blogosphere. In creating and disseminating these memes, we fans of the San Diego Padres Baseball Club, were offered salvation . .
It began in February, when the drain was nothing more than an abstract concept in a far off distance . . .
Balls Background
In 2011 Mat Latos signed three baseballs with the inscription, "I hate SF." An uproar ensued and a measured but proportional response was required by Padres fans across the globe. RJ's Fro stepped out from the shadows and provided a unanimous response in the form of . . . #balls.
Nearly every piece of Padre related Twitter discussion in February of 2011 found itself with the #balls hash-tag and it continued throughout the season especially when the Padres played the Giants or Latos was on the hill.
Practical Usage
The #balls meme is very versatile. There need be no discussion of baseball for it to be attached. In many ways it's the meme you want to use when you feel like you've been disrespected or perhaps under-appreciated. The fix is simple. Give your two cents, slap a #balls hash-tag on there, and you're good to go. Respect restored!
Example: I hate San Francisco Giants fans showing up to PETCO in their brand new World Series gear. #balls
The versatility of #balls is displayed when you want to illustrate that things just aren't going well for you.
Example: The Mrs. is going to be pissed. #balls.
Run with it . . .
Mow My Lawn Background
In 2011 Orlando Hudson lost favor with fans as he criticized fans for booing and then condescendingly mocked fans for not being able to play the game past the high school level.
The feelings towards Hudson began to reach a fever-pitch when he nonchalantly tossed a ball into the stands and was later quoted as saying that he thought it was funny.
But the tipping point with the O-Dog occurred when an individual operating his verified Twitter account responded to criticism by telling an individual to come over and "cut his grass"
"Cut his grass" quickly morphed into "Mow My Lawn" and the rest is history. This particular meme produced endless hours of fun over Twitter. And it's still feeding a hungry Padre public today.
Practical Usage
You feel the need to "big-time" an individual or you desire to give the illusion that you are more favored in life than some other mope on the street. How do you accurately convey your contempt? Easy. You simply say, "Mow My Lawn". If on twitter, say your peace, and then add a hash-tag to the comment (#mowmylawn).
Example: Are the Padres gonna get a new second baseman in 2012. Who knows? #mowmylawn
Example: I am better than you. Ask your mom! #mowmylawn
The Cult of Jesus Guzman Background
The Padres offensive output in 2011 was, in a word, offensive.
With the loss of Adrian Gonzalez the Padres offense slid dramatically and Padres fans were left with infinite questions.
Enter Jesus Guzman. Guzman did his best to energize an anemic offense by showing that there was a Padre who could indeed swing the stick. Jesus Guzman couldn't play defense a lick but who cares! He was so bad at first base I found it almost as equally entertaining as his hitting.
During Padres games in 2011 there was no shortage of memes centering around Jesus Guzman. Whether it was the reference to Guzman as a misfit toy (#misfittoycannon) by Craig Elsten at 619 Sports or the biblical references to Guzman's abilities (#jesussaves), all provide entertainment.
I always found myself partial to the idea that Padres fans had entered a cult. Jesus Guzman's hitting exploits (exaggerated as they may be) pushed fans to a very weird level. Jesus Guzman made me sense the imminence of a move to Africa, communal living, and endless supplies of kool-aid.
No matter what the exaggeration happened to be, I felt a deep sense of belonging with others in The Cult of Jesus Guzman (#cultofjesusguzman).
Practical Usage
This meme is pretty one-dimensional. Say something about Jesus Guzman and insert hash-tag. I am partial to saying something biblical so it reads as Jesus rather than Hay-Zeus, then adding a baseball exploit and following it up with the requisite hash-tag.
Of course, the next Padre who comes out of no where and hits the cover off the ball, might just have his exploits referenced as #TheCultOfJesusGuzman. With evolution one never knows.
Example: Sometimes Jesus turns water to wine. And sometimes he destroys PETCO Park. #TheCultOfJesusGuzman
Dickhats Background
When the 2010 World Series champion San Francisco Giants visited San Diego for the Padres home opener, our neighbors from the north arrived ostentatiously.Therewere championship banners on display, commemorative patches adorning brand-new jerseys and no dearth of black dyed beards.
It was the 2010 World Series hat however, which brought Padres fans back from the ledge on opening day. For, while this hat showcased a Giants championship, the triumph was overwhelmed by the phallic symbol adorning the back of the hat. The San Francisco Giants and their fans surely had a championship . . . and it looked like a penis.
Practical Usage In April everything related to the Giants became referenced with the hash-tag #dickhats. It is simultaneously an insult and a compliment. The insult stems from the decision by fans to wear a hat so poorly designed that the championship trophy looks . . . well, so un-trophy-like. The compliment is rooted in a collective desire for the Padres to finally win a championship. Ultimately we want #dickhats.
Example: Have fun with the Giants in town this week. PETCO will be overrun with idiots. #dickhats
Example: World Series appearance in 1984. World Series appearance in 1998. 2012 . . . #dickhats
Of these 2011 memes which did you enjoy most?
There are surely a fair number of memes I have not included in this post. My apologies. These were merely the four that originated in 2011 which I used with the greatest frequency. Feel free to deposit your favorite in the comment section if I missed it.
I made the suggestion that because it is Easter, a celebration of Christ's resurrection, it was also a day that the Padres' offense could rise from the dead. This seems implausible on account of three damning factors:
The Padres' offense, really, really, really, stinks.
Defending NL Cy Young winner Roy Halladay is on the hill for the Phillies.
Apparently the Padres are unable to defeat the Phillies (10 in-a-row) in PETCO park.
Despite my use of imagery being semi-sacrilegious I think the Padres can rise against the odds precisely because it makes no sense at all. Baseball often makes little sense. Defeating Roy Halladay makes little sense. Therefore the Padres will do something that makes little sense. They'll win.
The Chargers are in Dire need of a Denver Donkey Defeat. On account of this indisputable fact we will begrudgingly become New England Patriot fans for the weekend. The Donkeys must be destroyed like an injured Philly at Del Mar so it is with great pleasure that Avenging Jack Murphy has dispatched the 14th incarnation of the Dalai Lama and Site Sage, to spread total consciousness amongst Patriot personnel. Do your thing Lama.
Once a year now for the last few years, historians and FAITHful followers from all over, anxiously await the announcement from the enclave in Hattiesburg, Mississippi.
Believers and non-believers gather in hopes of witnessing the white smoke rising from the chimney of our new Messiah. Will BRETT FAVRE return to football? Is HE really going to lead the crusade back to the Holy Lands of Green Bay? Could the believers be right again?
GOD, The SON, The HOLY SPIRIT and BRETT FAVRE.
Is HE about to rise up once again, this time from HIS yearlong crucifixion and complete death in the AFC East. After being sacrificed so the Pack could move on. After being betrayed by Ted Thompson (Pontius Pilate) and Mike McCarthy (Judas). It was business. I get it. Time to be done with HIM and move forward. But Judgment day is coming. A reckoning if you will. It is time to pass judgment on those who have sinned... If HIS resurrection is true, then HE will be having HIS "Last Supper" with his disciples in the NFC North.
At this time He will reveal himself to not only the believers this time, but to ALL non-believers as well. I have always believed in HIM. This story has to be true. Disney nor the Apostles of old could write a better script. Admit it. Now is your chance to take that "leap of faith" everyone. Get on the bus to the clouds while you can, because once it is written...it will be too late.
McCarthy and Thompson will burn at the stake for sure. Don't be left out. There is still time. The Vikings ARE a great football team with or without FAVRE. That is fact. They are not going to ask him to do what Green Bay and the Jets asked him to do. They are not asking HIM to perform miracles and carry entire teams on HIS back, to throw balls 150 yards 50 times a game. "Prove you are the Messiah", they said. "Show us the miracles first", they said. They did not truly have faith.
The Vikings, however, truly believe in HIM. This type of "blind faith" WILL lead to salvation.
If the story is true, "BRETT FAVRE and VIKINGS WIN SUPERBOWL", then our faith in HIM will be seen as Truth. Brett Favre being known as the ONE, true "Greatest Quarterback of All Time" will be historical fact.
BRETT FAVRE'S concern for HIS own "legacy" has never been an issue for HIM. People question HIS faith and loyalty to the almighty Pack. He always believed in them. Had "faith" in them. He always wanted to be with them. HE, will eventually be worshipped by all in Green Bay as well. No offense, [----REDACTED----]. BRETT FAVRE had no choice but to find another team and then another. They called HIM a heretic for what HE was saying and what HE was doing. But HE was just trying to have faith in himself. Faith in Truth. What HE has a chance to do now is to truly be the "The Greatest".
Maybe one day people will stop speaking HIS great name in such blasphemy, and just sit long enough to think for a minute about what they are accusing HIM of; and instead begin to appreciate and SEE what HE truly brings to football. GO VIKINGS and GOD BLESS BRETT FAVRE! LONG LIVE #4. ~The FAV-RUH-POLOGIST
This blog began as a series of emails sent in January of 2007. The emails were in regards to the Divisional playoff game played by the San Diego Chargers and the New England Patriots, more specifically the celebrating that took place in the center of the field as players mingled and congratulated each other. LaDainian Tomlinson had a meltdown and then went off on Bill Belichick in the post-game press conference.
In true fanatic fashion we tried to block out the devastating loss by directing our frustrations at EVERYTHING New England....hence the emails which can be read under the post entitled Genesis 1:1.
The emails inspired a group dubbing itself Jack Murphy's Avengers (from the email closing signature) to travel cross-country to watch the Chargers play the Patriots in Foxborough on September 16th, 2007. In the wake of Spygate, the Chargers were destroyed and it turned into a long night. The one positive was that we picked up a few more reasons for hating the Patriots: their fans. We met some real miserable S.O.B.s. The AFCCG loss a few months later would also serve to drive our disdain for New England.
Six months after the AFCCG I started a blog called The "We Hate the New England Patriots" San Diego Sports Fan Collective which had as its purpose the following goals:
Promote the 2008 regular season game against NE which we would have a large group attending.
Serve as a forum for Charger Fans to meet and discuss Charger football.
A gathering place for anyone who hated the New England Patriots.
The Chargers crushed the Patriots on October 12th, 2008 but it wasn't the same without Tom Brady playing. Whatever, we won......and amazingly the blogging continued.
I am not a journalist nor am I trying to become one. I'm just a fan of the Chargers and Padres who likes to write. Some of the posts here are serious but most are not......my goal along with anyone else who chooses to write here is to create a place for fans to talk, laugh and view appealing images of this blog's Spiritual Sage.
Thanks for stopping by.....and you are a total pussy for opting out of the long introduction and reading the Cliffs Notes.........although we would have done the same.
I am no expert on college basketball but this is what I do know:
I needed Memphis to beat Missouri tonight.... but I was sure they were in for a long night when I saw the Mo. starting line-up: Three guard set- no player shorter than 6'5". That's all I needed to be certain that one of my Final Four picks was FUCT!
Duke is an absolute SHAM! Every year they rely so much on the three that the shooter's touch eventually wears off. They have no inside game at all and they play like castrated bulls because of it.....I bet Blue Devil fans wish it were 1992 and they had big man Cherokee Parks. What a Joke! Taking Villanova was the safest pick of my bracket.....and now they get a Pitt team they handled by 10pts during the regular season.
I also know that this guy.... .....,guard Greg Paulus should payback his scholarship for embarrassing Duke University so badly....dribbling off his knee, firing passes out of bounds, desperation fouls due to a lack of athleticism..... He is in fact the worse player in the United States.
.....and there is one more thing I know: This is how I say, "Go 'Nova!"
Go 'Nova!
Damn my Louisville selection over the Wildcats!
I pick 'Nova each and every year for a couple wins (dating back to the ill-fated busted bracket of 1995: Final Four pick of a Kerry Kittles led Villanova team...ouch! Curse Old Dominion!) and now I'm claiming 'Nova Nation as safe haven......they have now become the only team outside of San Diego that I support and I don't feel bad about saying it based on the loose kinship of Augustinian Friars and The San Diego Friars.......having rationalized my new found allegiance, I officially renounce my 2009 March Madness Bracket. If victorious I shall donate all proceeds to the Roman Catholic Church or a Villanova approved charity...
The first incarnation of XX1090's Bleacher Bums (Earl & Jordan/Jordan & Earl), has passed on to another dimension.....one in which other cancelled programs like The Magic Hour and The Chevy Chase Show pollute the lives of an unsuspecting and alternate version of us....
Bleacher Bum Line-up numero dos = Ted Mendenhall, DI Earl and "The Hammer" Hal Brown.... Let us hope it is not a deuce...
We turned on the radio at 2:43 pm to hear Darren Smith say that "The Hammer" (program director) was holding a press conference at 3 pm. Good news came in the form of the charlatan carpetbagger Jordan being removed from XX1090. First question came from the UT's Jay Posner.....Hammer wasn't going to yield regarding his inclination to put untrained fans on air.... blah, blah, blah.....and so here we are.....
The show today was ten times better than it ever was in the previous 2 1/2 months. We got the impression that "The Hammer" is part of the line-up to lend his support for the concept. Within a few weeks however, it'll be Ted Mendenhall (a San Diego native) and DI Earl (the skeptical point of view) running the show. It was nice to be able to listen to the radio in peace and "choose" to alternate with XTRA 1360 rather than be "driven" to it out of rage.
We're willing to give Earl the benefit of the doubt for two reasons:
He's not a complete dickhead like Jordan.
His only option was failure when paired with a partner like Jordan....and that's "The Hammer's" fault.
Imagine you or We showing up in Philadelphia in 2005 and then being thrown on the radio as the voice of the fans. You or We proceed to tell Philly Fan that Donovan McNabb and Brian Dawkins have done absolutely nothing for the city. Forget the NFC Championship game appearances for who knows how many years in a row (see...we don't even know for sure because we haven't been in Philly long enough) and forget the Super Bowl appearance....it was a LOSS!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!Donovan McNabb can't hold Tom Brady's Jock!!!!!Just keepin' it real Philadelphia!
So now You or We move on to baseball where we proceed to tell Philly Fan that there is NOBODY who loves the Phillies more than We! We love 'em so much we shit maroon and that oddly tinted blue from their 1980's Uniforms each and every day!
Who cares that We can't name half of the roster from the 1980 World Series winner, which happened to be the only championship in the previous 126 years of the franchise.....of course until We got on the air and celebrated the 2008 win over that team from Tampa Bay.....
Would that ever happen? Would a San Diego fan showing up in Philadelphia ever get on the radio when he says things like, "bummer bra!", or "...can I get some Avocado on that?" .....Hell and No!!!!
(We never say 'bra'....we do love Avocado though)
Would a San Diegan get on the air after only 5 years of living there and not knowing any of the franchises' histories? Enough questions because all sentient beings know that it would NEVER happen!!!!
In summation: Today's drive time radio was improved. Chicago on a Bun's pizza is good so we'll accept the line-up change and quell boycott...for now. "The Hammer"F#$%ed up with Jordan....seeks redemption with Ted Mendenhall. Finally, we'd scrap the California Love Intro music and go with something a little more So-Cal...
Has one half of the circus been dismissed? According to a Gaslamp Ball secret source, Jordan/Jordan Downtown/JDT/Sideshow Bob/Raging Douche has been dismissed by XX1090.
Please God..........do not forsake us.......bestow upon us, your heavenly grace, in our time of need...
Sports Illustrated (SI.com) has a section called Extra Mustard which deals with all sorts of goofy pop culture crap ranging from new video games to hot cheerleaders of the week. What ever.....if mixing that sort of nonsense with sports is SI's thing......then, honestly, we're all for it.
This week's Extra Mustard is running a poll: Who Is The World's Hottest Jessica?
Obviously the Holy Trinity of Jessicasare in play but to this Blog's dismay Ms. Alba is running two points behind Ms. Biel. It feels like Presidential primaries all over again! The candidates are charging into New Hampshire trying to set the tone for the election season and its up to YOU to restore the proper pecking order for the Holy Trinity of Jessicas....
In the Name of the Alba
The Biel
and the Pop Singer Simpson
......get thy self to the polls and push this site's Avatar over the top! Sports Illustrated says it is socially acceptable to partake.
Currently Polling at 35% VOTE FOR JESSICA ALBA HERE
Peter King of Sports Illustrated will, from time to time, present his reader with valuable inside information. The remainder of his articles are filled with superfluous anecdotes of saved voice mails from Brett Favre and idiotic wagers that hinge on the payment of lattes from Starbucks. The weekly leg humping he gives Favre is inappropriate and all too messy.
But the bottom of King's barrel gets scraped when he begins waxing poetic about pop culture. Clint Eastwood's performance in Gran Turino or the idiocy that is King's evaluation of the Academy Awards has no bearing on why I would visit SI.com. Seriously....are you auditioning for the cultural abyss left by the departure of Ebert & Roper (God rest Siskel's soul)? Your stream of consciousness ramblings are beyond useless and frankly, quite retarded.
Having said that.....I absolutely love Wednesday nights and the Mind-Fuck that is Lost. The messianic figure of Locke/Bentham murdered at the hands of Benjamin Linus.......his resurrection...and ultimately his redemption? I LOVE IT!!!!
Peter King however, should stop enthralling us with his airport lobby stories about Steeler Fan showing fat hairy belly whilst easing right hand in to pants. It's a waste of space and disgusting.
Today's game got us thinking about some of the teams that didn't make it to the big dance. Obviously, the Chargers failed to make it and when we San Diegans reflect, we think of what may have been had Shawne Merriman's knees held up. Would he have been the cure to our defensive ills? Other team's fans ask these same questions, none more so than Cowboy Fan...
Yes. Cowboy fans ask themselves: "What would have happened had Tony never shacked up with Jessica?". Surely young Romo would have been more focused and the 'Boys would have not only been in this year's Super Bowl but they would have been the team to knock off the Patriots last season, says Cowboy fan. I'm not from Texas and I'm not a fan of the Cowboys. To those fans who would suggest that Jessica Simpson is the foil to Tony Romo's attainment of a championship I say the following.......It's a two way street.....
These two have completely sabotaged each other and we're a lot more upset about the turn Ms. Simpson has taken.....it's a sad day when you begin opting for images of the lip syncing, nose jobbed little sister Simpson. ROMO! We hold you responsible for this! You have destroyed the Holy Trinity of Jessicas!
In the Name of the Alba
The Biel
and the Pop Singer Simpson
This is on you Romo! We hope you never win a Superbowl!
Which brings us to today's game...
Steelers 27 Cardinals 17.
The Steelers have a 3 point lead late but the 'Zonies are driving for a go ahead score.....Anquan Boldin goes across the middle makes a leaping and courageous catch only to be destroyed by Ryan Clark, Killer of Men. Who's there to scoop up the live ball? Mr. Do-Everything, and USC's own......Troy Polamalu.
The best player in the NFL
Troy Polamalu is your Super Bowl XLIII MVP.....and Vegas agrees with the assessment. TP helped cover that 7point spread with his late score.
It's that time of week again...Sage Advice! Because we're superstitious? No! Because we're Buddhist? No! Because it's a cheap way to infuse Jessica Alba pictures into a post about playoff football? No! Look..it is what is. Better not to ask questions but to know and accept that this nonsense is working...which means, of course, that it makes sense! Without further adieu...
Young fanatics...it is the elimination of suffering that you seek on your way to a perfect state: Nirvana. A victory will bring you peace and happiness thus one step closer to your ultimate goal of Nirvana/A Superbowl Victory. In this state you will be free of petty fixations and you will have compassion for all.
Look at our blog URL...are we capable of having compassion for all?
Trust us. Upon attainment of your goal the anguish in your lives will be extinguished...at that time you will receive an otherworldly glow that only others who have also received enlightenment will notice. When you have reached enlightenment you will find it easy to let go of the negative...
Is there anything else we can do to transcend this difficult task that awaits us at 1:45 pm on Sunday January 11th?
Remember your winning combinations....and stop the Defensive Player of The Year! He is an obstacle to Nirvana...
This is the time where we give Thanks and reaffirm our commitment to the origins of this blog.
We began this blog as Charger Fans who hated the New England Patriots and wanted a vehicle to promote our October 12th, 2008 showdown.
The hate is what got us going but what has evolved is our never wavering commitment to being a Collective of San Diego Sports Fans. Having said that, it would be folly to abandon our roots, hence the advent of...Dear Patriot Tears,
Fah awbvious reasons my face is absent...this tattoo was nawt smahht...and I'm crying...like a fackin' girl
Our New Year's Resolution is to post one New England Patriot Fan complaint about their team's 11-5 playoff omission.....PER DAY.....and to then offer a brief reply (already got two in). It will be arduous work but we are prepared for the challenge...believe it or not, we should be able to get one a day (there are a lot of entitled victim/complainers back there) ...WATCH US! (and feel free to comment YOU passive fuckers)!!
The 11-5 snub combined with our 8-8 QB sneak might just be better than having met and beaten the Pats in the AFCCG in 2009...we're pretty ecstatic about it and New Englander's lunacy shows through in the comments they post at the Boston Globe. With the future in mind, please forward any and all angles you think we should take...we love tips and springboards....Enjoy!
THE THANKS:
Blue Ballzed...again.....For the initial idea and numerous graphics contributions. 4th and long, Charger Fan in Donkey Land, and The Ghost of Sid Going....thanks for the interesting takes and unique insights on these games we follow all TOO closely.
Asterisk+Spycam+ San Diego Chargers=AWESOME LOGO
TIPS...Sword Wielding Avenger of Anga-leez, Brother Avenger, Stew-Raider pic, Wifey-Pouting Cutler Pic., Stop calling me Shirley Avenger-Voodoo inspiration, et. al.
Fellow Forum Bomber....Mark E of Papagayo....good passion.
The Original Avengers.....for sharing a common disdain....The Patriots, not Dunkin Donuts Coffee.
Massholes make goooooood coffee(post "Boston Massacre" of 9/16/2007)
10/12/08 Tailgate Avengers....good times.
Chef.....For gutting and roasting Bill...good eats.
Kill Bill Volume III
Legal Counsel......Yer our Boy Blue/Eye Patch!
Zino....for writing funny top 10s and getting us mentioned on the radio.
Scott & BR....for giving me ideas during the morning drive.
The Dalai Lama and Jessica Alba...we have no idea how this dynamic duo was formed so if you find it ludicrous, then sorry.....it is in play! Jay Cutler....for being our whipping boy.
Zoolander....for being Awesome! And for providing a nick name for Tom Brady.
Massholes in Foxborough, Ma....for perpetuating stereotypes and moving us to organize against you.
Boston Accent...Yah an easy fackin' mahhk, but it's awfully fun. Chee-uhs fah bein' good fackin' spahhts!
International Readership....to our solo readers in Singapore, China, Russia, Poland, Germany, France, Brazil and the UK (wait...we had three readers in Ol' Blighty!(No love for Patriots there). It's nice to be able to say, no matter what happens, "We're huge in Singapore!"
Commenters.....Thanks for reading and help us spread the Gospel TLewis/Boston.....To what started as an email rant on 1/15/07....thanks for being a good sport ... which is probably pretty easy--after all you are the one with all the Championships!
Do not underestimate The Holy Trinity: Little Hillbilly Voodoo Doll, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and Jessica Alba.
It is nearly impossible to accomplish things with out faith and so we put our faith in other worldly Idols and Sages to bring us back from the abyss. Make no mistake about it, we are back, as our 52 point exclamation mark can attest.
....and they delivered on their prophecy, karma being restored to the football universe. In addition to the work of our Spiritual gurus there was a Voodoo doll created to avenge the Phillip Rivers Pro Bowl snubbing/completely fuck up Jay Cutler's shit...and it worked. With every air-mailed pass and end zone interception we could feel the thrust of those needles into his appendages...as well as his head. That's a Pro Bowl Quarterback?
Hey you S.O.B...I gotta piss... take that needle out of my voodoo crotch.
Thank you... to a near and dear source who sent this picture to our phone at Jack Murphy Field when the score reached 38-13....image says it all doesn't it? The guy threw 2 picks, one in the end zone and Philip Rivers not a one. Who's the Pro Bowler? Not Jay Chokler!
What a good time calling EVERY DONKEY who was wearing a #6 jersey, Bubby Brister! Half of them didn't even get it and no wonder really.
We took some good pictures of Charger Fans with Banners and others of Bronco Fans getting their props (giant Bronco Stuffed Animal) stolen from them from Charger fans...quite funny....young lady very pissed, many a colorful epithet.
Why do people show up to Charger/Bronco games wearing....Dan Marino, Tom Brady, Ben Roethlisberger, Matt Cassel and every other dickhead's jersey not involved in the game? Why pay all that money for a ticket if not a fan of those two teams? Wearing a random jersey to show that you actually know football...actually shows that you know JACK SQUAT!
The Denver Donkey Voodoo Snowman came through with flying colors and it was a glorious thing to behold...
To think that all it took to string together an improbable combination of Charger Victories and Bronco Choke-jobs was a little backwoods Haitian Voodoo...
a fairly straightforward premise proposed back on December 8th that used semantics to trick us into believing...
, and finally the other worldly wisdom of the 14th Incarnation of the Dalai Lama and Jessica Alba, the spiritual advisers to HateThePatriots.blogspot.com.....
This amalgam of belief systems has brought us to this space in time...a time when karmic balance can return as two teams meet, with everything on the line, to right the wrongs of the past. The next ritual will be that of exorcism as the Roman Catholic Church is called in to rid us of the wayward spirit of Ed Hochuli.
No stone left unturned was the mantra for getting us into the playoffs so we here are personally exhausted but look forward to seeing the one final ingredient in action that will bring us to the precipice of football immortality......momentum!
Stage Two of "One-in-a Row" is complete leaving us only with Stage Three, a stage which is controlled solely by the Chargers......at home......momentum friends.......fucking momentum!
