"How Dare You RJ's Fro!" I say, "How Dare you Blogging Sirs!"

Not so fast RJ's Fro. 

In the last 34 days I've posted exactly two columns. One was about Dick Enberg's Wave Disdain and the other was a Memorial Day honorary re-post......so we'll call it one post in the last month.

A blog with one post in a month? Horrible!

Now it's so bad that I'm writing posts about not writing posts. A Taoist would suggest I've reached some sort of universal balance.......I would say that I'm the "Worst Blogger Ever!

Yet here I am having to defend my true status as worst blogger in the northern hemisphere because RJ's Fro decided to unilaterally declare themselves the worst. The AUDACITY!!!!!! No poll? You didn't formally poll the blog-o-sphere for one simple reason; you know your ranking wouldn't have solidified you as the Top Bottom-Feeder-Of-Blogs! And how could it have? You have a video interview with the great Bob Chandler whilst drinking BEERS; which in my opinion ranks you in the top three of all San Diego blogs despite your recent dearth of posts. So cool it fellas and leave the mantle of "Worst" right where it belongs; in Avenging Jack Murphy's blogging backyard.

I apologize to the Faithful Eleven for my lackadaisical June effort. Look forward to more stupid posts about stupid stuff. These posts shall include the possibility of a new AJM Matron Saint but will not be limited to mundane Dick Enberg analysis.........which incidentally may require a call to Wimbledon to get Dick back here ASAP if our young Friars get swept by Colorado today.

I'm back!
[Edit] 1:15 pm
I'm back....maybe!

Dick Enberg Analysis: "The Plague of All Sporting Events"

I've been very busy and by the time I acquire any sort of legitimate freedom to write, I much prefer going to bed. In fact I don't even have time to write this.....the Padres are in a 1-1 game in the bottom of the 8th inning in New York and I have work obligations to attend to.....but I must mention one piece of Dick Enberg greatness amongst  the usual sea of Enberg-Announcing-Criticism (usually from me).

SETTING THE STAGE
It's the top of the 8th of a 1-1 game. Jose Reyes has touched Clayton Richard for a game tying HR only a half inning earlier. San Diego's Lance Zawazski has doubled in the 8th, leaving the go ahead run a mere 180 feet away with one out. High drama to be sure. In what manner do Mets fans react to such a dramatic scenario, you ask? They begin to do........THE WAVE........in a tie game.....top of the 8th......

As I recognize this ridiculousness, Dick Enberg enters to make a prophetic comment:

"There it is. The wave. The Plague of All Sporting Events. It made its way from Philadelphia."

Good on ya Mr. Dick Enberg. GOOD-ON-YOU!

Gotta go...I'm way busy!

Dick Enberg Analysis: How 'bout a little bias, Dick!?!

On Friday night there were some Dick Enberg complaints on Twitter regarding his bias........or lack thereof, to be more exact. The prevailing sentiment was that Enberg gets WAY too excited about play by the opposition and not enough for the Padres. Sure Matt Kemp and Andre Ethier are good. But in giving them praise is it necessary to fawn over them?

Por Ejemplo: 

Casey Blake was chasing a foul pop-up in Friday's 4-3 loss, one that ultimately fell into the stands. As Blake ran out of room he slid to avoid an unnecessary trip into the bleachers. Enberg proceeded to make it sound like Blake had made a play tantamount to the Mays over the shoulder World Series grab combined with an Aaron Rowand face first in to the wall catch......it was neither of those. There was nothing special about Casey Blake's effort especially for a guy who's making $6.25 million/season. Enberg's unctuous praise of Blake led me to Tweet the following:

HaHa. I AM FUNNY.......but that is besides the point! (click "Read More" to continue)


C'mon Dick! If a guy makes a nice play give him a pat on the back. If he's a once in a lifetime talent then share that assessment with your audience. Use your knowledge and experience in the game to make an apropos comparison to a great player of the past. But don't swoon over the guy's play. You are an announcer for the San Diego Padres.....recognize where your bread is buttered!

Which Brings Us To The "Why?"

Websoulsurfer made a good point in one of his Tweets:

Hammer.....meet head of nail. 

Dick Enberg, as a national announcer, must be effusive in his praise of both sides which has made him a very respected announcer over the years. I'd be remiss however, if I did not point out that this is San Diego........not the Nation. Come July, when you're at Wimbledon, feel free to massage the followers/lovers of both Kim Clijsters and Venus Wiliams while they battle and grunt their way to Center Court supremacy........but right now........I am NOT in the mood for MY announcer to be  LOVING the Dodgers.

In Addition
Save the "Touch 'em All!" calls for Padre homers. The call has an inherent excitement to it that should not be shared with the opposition......remember......it's our guy who gave up the dong.

On A Good Note

In last night's loss to LAtrine (4-1) the Channel 4 camera zoomed in  from deep center field and as the shot came closer and closer to the Channel 4 booth someone began to wave their arms. I could not tell who it was. Enberg then quipped (paraphrasing), "Don't do that. I hate the wave!"

As do I, Mr Enberg. As do I.

Props for the use of an orange tie with a white suit. There aren't too many people who can pull that off with such great success.

Dick Enberg Analysis: "A looper....ya know? A caddy, a looper, a jock."

I haven't written anything related to the analysis of Dick Enberg lately. My last commentary alluded to him needing to be in the booth for about a month before he could be evaluated with a level of fairness. As such, the weekly post died. It has now risen like a zombie*.

Dick was off chasing Olympians through the woodlands of Canada and lacked the proper spring training required of not only an announcer unfamiliar with a new team but the preparation required of someone having been out of the game for 25 years. I've cut him a lot of slack. Many have not. By my rudimentary accounting system.....Mr. Enberg's grace period lasts another two days. Having offered that disclaimer....

I must point out that Dick Enberg has a particular call that makes me laugh out-loud each night. I wouldn't say that the laughter is side-splitting but it's audible and when I hear it I feel like James Brown......good. (click "Read More" to continue)

On a soft single (see: Texas Leaguer/Ducksnort) that meanders its way over the heads of back pedaling infielders and dies at the feet of storming outfielders I was always partial to labeling it a "bloop single"/"blooper". Dick Enberg however, does not share this sentiment as he chooses to characterize such a knock as a "looper".

Hey the ball does "loop" into the outfield so I'm not saying it's wrong**  or that it's weird***  but that  it's just.....very different****. And because it is different I tend not to associate a "looper" with being a soft base hit but instead think of it as a Caddyshack reference.....

Carl Spackler: A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. 

So even on nights when the Padres can't get a win (which was not at all like last night where the Padres won in grand walk-off style) I still have Dick Enberg there in the box to make me laugh......which is nice.

Thoughts and Dick-isms? Drop 'em in the comments...


*I was in Borders yesterday buying Dirk Hayhurst's book, The Bullpen Gospels (which incidentally, is fantastic so far) and I saw another book that caught my attention; it was called Zombie Haiku. It was all haiku poetry written from the perspective of a zombie and boy do I wish I had memorized the poems on the cover of the book. HILARIOUS!
** (see: "Efram" Cabrera)
*** (see: Warning "Path")
**** (My International Marketing Professor in God's Country famously  urged us all to remember that when marketing across cultures things are not "weird" they are simply "different". Sound advice from an otherwise average professor.)

EDIT (Thursday 7:00AM ) I was back in the same Borders last night. Zombie Poetry for your morning:

Biting into heads

is much harder than it looks

the skull is feisty

You are so lucky

that I cannot remember 

how to use doorknobs

Very Misfits-ish. Glenn Danzig would approve.

Dick Enberg Analysis: and on the Seventh Day we discussed.....well, Dick Enberg, of course

Ahhhh......an off day. Let's talk about Mr. Dick Enberg.

I know there are some people who are simply asking themselves, "God, why-oh-God, why?"

To that I say, "Why not?" 

Let's not skirt around the fact that Mark Grant has been in the booth for an epoch but has also had different company for three consecutive seasons. The consensus seems to be immeasurable love for Vasgersian, callous indifference towards Mark Neeley and ( fill-in-the-blank ) regarding Dick Enberg. Our purpose is to fill in the blank after one week......because that's all it really takes to make an assessment, right?

I'm down with Dick Enberg so far. He's got a great voice. He knows baseball despite not having done it in a while. He's brought an aura of professionalism to the booth and I think that this has made Mark Grant better. I'm not suggesting that Mud was unprofessional but I do think he has toned down on some of the things he had done under "previous administrations". I like that they're both wearing suits.....I don't know why......maybe it reminds me of How I Met Your Mother. Dick Enberg appears to have a passion for the game and that, in and of itself, should be good enough for me: almost, good enough......(click below to continue reading)

Points of Improvement/Criticisms:

• Dick Enberg seems to know the opposition's names better than the Padres players. I know many of the fans I have discussed this with on Twitter have made the complaint of him butchering names (i.e Blanks/BANKS Everth Cabrera/EFRIM Cabrera). Here are my thoughts on that: it seems impossible to get the names right for the opposition but not the home nine.....so......I think this seasoned vet is actually quite nervous and as a result prone to gaffes. Listen to the next time he says a Braves player's name; it'll be smooth and without effort. Then listen to the next time he needs to call a Padre player's name; there is a protracted pause where you can tell he is thinking in an effort not to make a GAFFE. Loosen up Dick and trust your instincts. It is my belief that Dick Enberg will have this sorted out in about a month's time and due to this belief I have decided to give him free reign to destroy as many names as he sees fit until May 7th or 8th. At that time he will be held to a higher standard....a standard of excellence, demonstrated daily, by information outlets like this one right here.
• Here's the biggest problem and it may not be correctable due to Dick Enberg's age. I mentioned last week that he really blew a HR call that was to my aged and questionable eye,  a real no-doubter. In yesterday's home opener Adrian Gonzalez hit a kangaroo-hop ground-rule 2B that Dick thought was a HR. It wasn't even close. From the press box to the cavernous left center of Petco Park there exists a vast distance......one which may require the use of eye glasses. I personally feel that the endeavor of blogging (gazing into a computer monitor) is currently decreasing my vision in increments of hours rather than years and I can only imagine where my vision will be when I'm 75. I hope these are just simple mistakes and not a result of age. One Hundred and Fifty-Five games will surely tell.

"Touch 'em All" and "Oh My!!!" are cool with me although I sometimes feel like I'm watching Grid Iron or Wimbledon with the latter call. Overall, I like what I've heard and in the end, as I've said before, as long as the broadcast isn't an absolute travesty/sham/mockery similar to the XX1090 Bleacher Bums program, I'll make it through any game any day.

Leave your comments in the bin. Cheers

The Dick Enberg Analysis: "Touch 'em all"

Notified that the latent/blatant jokes surrounding our announcer's name were a bit middle school*, I've decided to be a bit more formal with our analysis and refer to it as "The Dick Enberg Analysis".

It was mentioned in last night's post that Mr. Enberg butchered the home run call for Kelly Johnson to lead off the game. If you listen to the audio you will hear Enberg missing the call badly but he's not the first to do it. I think I can recall, as a little kid, hearing Harry Carey consume enough beers that some of his calls became pretty dicey. He was a Cub fan and a Bud man.

"Touch 'em all"
I like that as a Home Run call. Simple. Effective. Accurate. Does not overwhelm the achievement of the batter. Dare I say, a step up from.......


SANTA MARIA!!!!!

Our Twitter pal, @sportsmatters disagrees wholeheartedly regarding "Touch 'em all"! He says he'll "lose it" listening to variations of Enberg's signature call. We'll be on suicide watch for @sportsmatters here at Avenging Jack Murphy.

"The Warning Path"
Mike at Padres Trail took exception to this call levied by Enberg on a fly out to the warning track. An antiquated reference or an awkward misstep? Neither one of us know. What say you?

Props for Mr. Enberg
Mr. Enberg seems to have taken considerable control in the booth and Mud Grant is clearly deferring to the broadcast legend. To begin the 7th inning last night, however, their timing was flawless as Mud emerged from the shadows and pointed to how critical it would be for Kevin Correia to locate with a mounting pitch count. As Mud warned that not locating would result in "serious trouble", D-Backs CF Chris Young launched a HR. Good work in the booth, fellas.

Many who I've questioned say they enjoy Dick Enberg. These Padre fans often describe listening to him to be "a treat". He does have a pleasant voice.

I'll continue to keep an eye on the duo's progress for no other reason than......why not!?! If you notice something that is particularly vexing or some indication of impending greatness, give a comment or two. If you decide to click the "crap" box......you should support your opinion...... with a comment or two.

*Being lumped in with middle schoolers and their uncritical minds is the sort of insult that gives cause for evaluation. These youngsters, after all, are given to uncontrollable laughter when they are notified that they have certain responsibilities, obligations, and........duties....... to fulfill......
Hehehehe [high pitched laughter].....he said doody......Hehehehe
 No lie.
 In that vain, we'll do our best to keep it clean. We will not allow this blog to devolve into the single cell organism laden sludge from whence it came.

Dick Analysis: A new segment tracking Padres announcer Dick Enberg

I've never looked at the announcers of baseball games as being that integral to my viewing experience.

I recall not being a huge fan of Matt Vasgersian at the beginning of his Padre tenure but that he gradually grew on me over time. When Mark Neeley took over for Matty the difference was noticeable in that there was not a lot of chemistry between he and new partner, Mark Grant. This was too be expected; new partners breakin' each other in and all. As the season progressed I began to like Neeley but at the conclusion of the season Chanel 4 saw fit to take advantage of an available hall-of-fame broadcaster in Dick Enberg who actually had a great desire to call baseball again. So here we are....



With a segment called, Dick Analysis.

Last night while viewing game 2, I noticed some things in the broadcast, that weren't so much concerns as much as general observations of a new broadcast team. I shared these observations on Twitter and a couple of fellow fans (@matthewverygood and @sportsmatters) made mention of some of the things that they had noticed and BOOM......Dick Analysis was born!

• Mud has been wearing a suit just like his Hall of Fame partner, Mr. Dick Enberg. Will this very formal attire eventually stifle the goofiness of Mudcat Grant? I hope not because I like Mud's quirky pop culture diffusion throughout the broadcast. I know there are people who do not share this view. In any case, Mud seems to be acting a lot more "professionally".
• Mud definitely knows he's second billing to Enberg. I wonder how their chemistry will progress through out the season?
• When Dick is ready to say a player's name the pause before the name is pretty accentuated.....as though he is not as familiar with the players as he should be. Hey, he just started doin' baseball again, what can I expect!?! I'm just curious to see how long it takes him to gain that familiarity that the hometown announcer should have.
• I'm typing this in the first inning of game 3 and D-Backs lead-off hitter Kelly Johnson just crushed an HR to dead CF. Dick called it as though there were sure to be a carom off the wall......there was not.....it did not sound good.
• When will I stop feeling like I'm watching a football game?

My intent is not to bust Dick's balls, to turn a phrase. It is merely to track his progress and to see him make a successful transition from football back to baseball. I wish him the best of luck. So far I enjoy his enthusiasm and his smooooooth voice. Keep at it, Dick.

Feel free to share your observations on Dick's broadcast......if you don't this segment will DIE!!!