Will Venable in 2012: i TOO aM bullISH

Last night I listened to a Darren Smith interview podcast with MLB.com's Corey Brock. Each of the fellas stated that they were bullish on Will Venable in 2012 to which I quickly replied via twitter:

After the posting of that tweet Dan Hayes of the North County Times affirmed that he too was bullish on Will Venable in 2012.

I had to think about this for a minute; to process; to try and make sense of it all. We have three knowledgeable guys here, all having seen Will Venable throughout Spring Training and his work with new hitting coach Phil Plantier, and perhaps they have the requisite insider information to make such claims. At that moment I decided that i TOO aM bullISH.

I am bullish that Will Venable's hairline will keep him in the running to become a kung-fu fighting Shaolin monk.

I am bullish that there will be mention of Will Venable's Princeton education after giving a particularly introspective interview. By me and the interviewee.

I am bullish that Will Venable will curse at a blogger for an illicit videotaping incident at which time everyone will comment on how surprising the outburst actually was . . . because, well, Will's a really nice guy.

I am bullish that Will Venable will hit a ball really, really far and that we will all stand mouths agape and echo, "Will Venable hit that ball really, really far." We'll all smile at one another in delight as we fight over the last Hodad's slider and spill our $9.50 beer from Ballast Point.

I am bullish that Will Venable will hit a few booming triples, each one carrying the exact same sentiment from the crowd: "This is the day that the Padres finally hit for the cycle. Yippee!"

I am bullish THAT NonE OF THIs wilL MAttEr!!!!

each oF theDSE Special MOMents WILL all Come FEW and faR beTWeen and that viLL WeNABLe's stat lines wiLL BE hOrrendous BECause thaT's WHO HE IS! He's a tEaSE. viLL WeNABLe TEASES US! HE toRREMENTS us!!! He driVES US to MAKe POOOr decisIONS withOUr LIVEs! WHy? whY? WHY? Why do YOU dO it tO us viLL?!!!!

So am I bullish on Will Venable in 2012? Hell, I guess I am.

*The first cycle will be hit this year. It will be collected by light hitting Andy Parrino and everyone will be amazed because it was supposed to be Will Venable or Cameron Maybin. It's ok. Maybin will hit one in June.

Vill Wenable iS A #%^$#* SPY!!!!!

I SEE WHAT'S goING ON WILFREDO. I AM NOT FOOLED YOU ARE A MOLE. YOU ARE A SPY. DON'T THINK I DON'T get it.

BECAUSE I MEMORIZED BASEBALL CARDS I KNOW SOMETHING THAT THE Other 10,032 PADRES FANS IN ATTENDANCE AT PETCO PARK (& AKA PAC BELL ,AT &T, MOBILE WIRELSS, VERIZON PARK SOUTH) TONIGHT DO NOT KNOWO..... I KNOW YOUR DAD WAS PLAYING FOR THE SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS WHEN YOU WERE BORN!!!! WILLL!!! YOU ARE FROM THE BAY AREA. YOU WANTED THEM TO WIN. LAST YEAR !!! TONIGHTT1!!! YOU SPY!

yoUR 1-4 TONIGHT WAS VErrrRY CLEVER. OH I'LL GET A HIT IN MY FIRsT AT-BAT AND THEN PEOPLE WILL NIT BE HIP TO mY COVERT AGENDA TO SABOTAGE THE PADRES ORGanizATION. GOOD THINKINGG! I'DEXPECT nothing LESS FROM SOMEONE WITH AN IVY LEGUEI EDUCATIONal.

BUT I'M SMART TOO. THIS ALL CAME TO ME AS I SAT BENEATH THE SCOREBOARD LISTENING TO GIANTS FANS YELL AND I FINISHED DRINKING THOSE GICANTIC CANNISTERS OF BEER...... I READ YOUR DAD'S TOPPS BASEBALL CARDS AND I KNOW. I KNOW!!! TREASONOUS SON OF A GIANT!

YOU NEED TO BE LIKE CRHIS DE NORFIA. START DIVING MORE YOU SPY!!

ACT II: F&^% you Vill Wenable

After the Padres ridiculous loss to the Dodgers on Friday night I posted a late evening tirade directed at Will Venable. On account of an all caps yelling concept and prose doused with Ballast Point's Sculpin IPA, 'twas a well received post. But what ensued on Twitter directly after the blog was posted may have been more entertaining (or so I'm told).

Without further ado allow me to present...

Late Evening Tweets About San Diego Padres Right Fielder Will Venable, a Player/Human I Really Don't Care For

 I think this comment verifies my position on the matter in a manner that is both clear and concise... if you can read jumbled letters and make inferences.

 Hey... that IS a catchy title.

 Crazy as evidenced by the keyboarding skills and timeline-bombing of my friends' Twitter Feeds. They barely knew what hit 'em...

 

 

 

I made my first attempt to lure North County Times beat writer Dan Hayes into the discussion. He did not bite.

 Luigi talks to all the players. Some may describe it as something other than talking. Either way I think that Luigi needs to talk to Will Venable. A lot.

 This was my second attempt to get Dan Hayes into the mix. He wasn't buying what I was selling. The true genius/idiocy(?)  of this tweet however is the Matt Stone & Tray Parker reference... base-ketball. Haha. I guess it's more of a David Zucker reference. I stand by my "haha".

 I needed to properly sell crazy and out of my mind... this may have been the clincher.

Well thank you, Dubs.

 Many people think that Frank Caliendo is the opposite of funny. When it comes to his Barkly impersonation I disagree. Unfortunately the funny gets lost in translation over Twitter... unless you're hammered... I think.

 God only knows what I'm referring to. I guess you could check the Twitter time-line...

 What the...

 This is where I yell at Luigi because he makes some crazy reference between AAA and MLB. Certainly crazier than anything I said that night.

Motown references are underrated and nearly non-existent on Twitter. The world should have thanked me for this one.

 Adrian Gonzalez? The last thing I wanted to see in the early AM hours of last Saturday was discussion about Adrian Gonzalez... especially how slow he is.

 I acknowledge my insanity. It should be noted that a tacit acknowledgment of insanity qualifies as sanity because those who are insane are oblivious to the condition to begin with... I learned that from watching Brad Pitt interact with Kevin Spacey in Seven.

 More accolades. Thanks for the Re-tweets. Couldn't have had so many people hating Will Venable with out them.

There is nothing more pretentious than Re-Tweeting people who are giving you direct compliments. Fortunately I can't be held accountable for anything during the that two hour window of time.

 I love Major League references. Who doesn't?

 More pretense. It should be noted that Mat Latos lost out on a no-decision and took the loss during the Friday night game in question. That's all I'm saying.

 A lesson for you youngsters out there: when someone says something you don't like, remind them of all the things you've EVER done for them... especially the drinks you have bought them.

 I was very upset that Baseball Reference did not compile the game-log in a timely fashion on Friday night. I think my threat was reasonable.

 Evidence of how litigious a society we live in or an attempt to channel my inner Jerky Boys.

 My third attempt to harangue Dan Hayes. #Fail

 I don't know what this means. Nor does it matter.

 Dos Equis is terrible beer. Yet they have a phenomenal advertising campaign with The Most Interesting Man In The World. It reminds me of another intelligent campaign for a crappy beer...

 This threat worked, kind of... I ended up with 3 followers by the next morning. I knew 2 1/2 was a pipe dream.

A valid question...

 More of a Tweet for Steve Jobs.

I was/am serious. I would wear a lucha libre mask. And a cape. And it would be brown. The cape, that is.

 Math Tweets are gold.

 The next morning went very well, thank you for asking.

 Are you listening, Friarhood Steve? This could fill quite a bit of air time. Let me know...

Using Twitter is for the purposes of providing commentary. I just gave you commentary on top of commentary. This post is not dissimilar to the box office hit, Inception.