Deciphering a Darren Smith Conversation with Adrian Gonzalez, robot

Yesterday, Darren Smith of XX1090 spoke with Adrian Gonzalez -- native San Diegan and new first baseman for the Los Angeles Dodgers. The interview was insightful on varied levels.

As a dedicated listener to Darren's show, I always marvel at his capabilities as an interviewer. Darren provided a comfortable setting for Adrian to open up to his hometown of San Diego about his time in Boston, putting on the uniform of the enemy in LA, and persisting through the modern world as a robot.


DARREN SMITH: Adrian, as always, a pleasure. Thank you very much for a few minutes

ADRIAN GONZALEZ: Hey. Darren. How are. You. Doing.

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DS: Have you got use to that yet? Adrian Gonzalez the first baseman for the LA Dodgers?

AG: Yeah. As much. As. You. Can get. Used. To. That's. For Sure. The minute I. Heard. I. Was. Traded. I'm. Used. To. It. As. An. Artificial. Life. Form. I have. The ability. To adapt. More Readily. than my human. Counterparts.

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DS: I was gonna say, 'Hey, congratulations or I was gonna say 'Hey man, I'm sorry it didn't work out.' What do you say to somebody like yourself in this situation?

AG: No. Congratulations. I. Mean. You. Know. We didn't win. Like what. Was. Expected. Of us in. Boston. But. The. Fact. That I. Don't think you can. Say. It. Didn't turn out. Or work out. Again. I am. Showing my. Abilities. As a 21st century. Machine. To Adapt is my. Primary function. Artificial. Intelligence can. Do this. Have you. Seen. The Incredibles?

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DS: When did you first start hearing about the rumors about the possibility and when did you think it was going to become a reality?

AG: Um. Yeah. I mean. Friday. Same thing as. You. Guys. As. Artificial Intelligence. I am not yet. Equipped. To analyze. Predictive models. I. Was surprised. As surprised. As. A. Robot Can. Be.

Sci Fi Computer Screen Readout Digital Display Loop Science Fiction

DS: How surprised are you when you hear this, especially at the tail end of the month of August?

AG: Yeah. No. It's. Definitely. Surprising. The. Day. Before. That. On. Thursday. I. Never would. Have thought. Of it. As I. Mentioned previously. Despite. My. Programming. I was. Surprised. By. Robot. Standards. Anyways.

Sci Fi Computer Screen Readout Digital Display Loop Science Fiction

DS: Could you describe what the experience was like in Boston? I know it's a tough thing to ask and it's a tough thing to answer in 60 seconds or so, but overall, what was the experience like playing for the Red Sox?

AG: It was. A great. Experience. The. Fans. Were. Awesome. The Atmosphere at the. Ball. Park. Playing on the. Road. The. Whole. Red Sox Nation. They were all. Incredible. But. As a. CV-1000 model. Artificial. Human. I don't perform well. At. The. Particular. Line of latitude. Where Boston. Resides. Look at my. History. I have been. The property of. Florida. Texas. And. San. Diego. My. Circuitry. Is best suited. For. Sustainability in. Southern climes. This is really just. Robot 101.

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DS: Was there anything that you didn't like about it? Was there anything that really didn't seem like a good fit for you?

AG: No. I mean. Personally. I had a. Great. Time. I loved my. Teammates. Except for. Josh. Beckett. He put. Chicken grease. In. My. USB. And airports. Which drastically. Reduced my power. Capabilities. Ironically. The Dodgers acquired. Beckett. As well as a machine. With artificial. Intelligence. I am. Surprisingly. Adept at detecting. Irony. Humans make. Strange choices. When. Large. Amounts. Of. Money. Are at. Their disposal.

 

laughing alien hyenas

DS: Did you take a good look at yourself in that Dodger uniform and what did you think when you put on that Dodger blue?

AG: Oh man. I was so. Excited. Of course. This is a contrived. Response. Written by my. Programmer. While I am in. A. Constant. State. Of evolution. Emotion is still. Very. Difficult. To grasp.

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DS: Is it weird in any capacity that you do grow up in this area, knowing what the Dodgers mean to this fan base, was that at all bizarre for you, whatsoever, to think about that?

AG: Well I. Mean. You know. It's. We. Uh. Grow. Up. As. A. Fan. And. But. When you get. Into. This business. And you. Play. The. Game. You realize that. The thing that. Matters. Is. Playing to. Win . . . Again. This is. A Difficult question. The circuitry sequencing. In. My. Power Cortex. Does not. Discern. Geographic irregularities. As long. As. Weather. Patterns. Remain constant.

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DS: When you were a kid (robot) though, growing up here as a Padre fan, what did you think about the Dodgers?

AG: Fernando.Valenzuela. Played. For. The Dodgers. So you always. Follow Fernando. And you. Know. It's the Padres' rival. So. It's. Always. Exciting. While I was. Very. Young. When. Fernandomania. Was. At it's peak. My. Advanced. Processing. Capabilities. Allowed. Me. To understand what. Many humans. Refer to. As. A Phenomenon. My search capabilities. Also indicate. That. Fernando. Played. For. The. Padres. During the. 95-96. Seasons. Padres fans. Should. Love. The Dodgers. I look forward. To their. Adulation when. I return. To. San Diego.

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DS: So, you never went to Qualcomm Stadium and booed the Dodgers when they would come to town?

AG: Um. You know. I was a. Kid. I mean robot. You. Just go. Watch. Baseball.

 

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Go to XX1090 to listen to the rest of Darren's excellent interview with Adrian Gonzalez, robot. 

Deciphering a Jed Hoyer catch phrase with Darren Smith

Jed Hoyer returned to San Diego this week with his struggling Chicago Cubs, losers of five straight. At the conclusion of their series with the Padres the streak would stand at eight. During the middle of the debacle Hoyer took time to speak with Darren Smith of XX1090.

I always enjoyed the weekly spots Jed Hoyer did with Darren during his tenure as GM of the Padres but I think I enjoy his occasional visits as Cubs GM even more. Jed's aware that he needs to be careful with what he says to the press yet he always produces intelligent responses despite the inner workings of the clouded human mind. As I noted back in January, what Jed says doesn't always jibe with what Jed thinks.

One of the things you'll notice is that when being interviewed By Darren Smith, Jed Hoyer will often say,

"That's a great question."

Hey,  Darren asks great questions. He's a professional. But Hoyer's catch phrase is more about buying himself time than it is about complimenting Mr. Smith. The phrase gives him just enough time to provide a nuanced answer.

Here's what was going through Jed Hoyer's mind on Tuesday as he said, "That's a great question."


Darren's Question: 

"Do you get the sense that Cubs fans feel like they expect their team to lose or do they expect their team to win"

Jed's Catch Phrase: 

"That's a great question."

Jed's Stream of Consciouness:

Steady, steady. Play this one right. Hope Solo said all the wrong things during the Olympics and she was crucified for it. Brandi Chastain's sport-bra. 1999 World Cup. Soccer's a great sport. I enjoy swimming. Call Me Maybe. Deep Dish pizza is not good. Don't say that! Ramble on this one, ramble. The internet is world wide. Chicagoans will hear this in Illinois. They'll hear it in SD. This park was full of Cubs fans during the last home series of 2010. Italian beef sandwiches. Distract. Misinformation. Tie it to the Red Sox.

Jed's Answer:

"[blah, blah, blah, bunch of comparisons to the Red Sox and growing up in New England, blah, blah, blah]... In Chicago there's been long stretches of not being good. People say, 'You don't understand, it can't be done.' I think for us it fuels the fire. Of course it can be done. We're gonna build this thing the right way. We're gonna build a team that sustains success. The Cubs have made the playoffs six times since 1945. You think about it, that's once every 13 years.

AJM's Grade:

 Excellent job filibustering by the Cubs GM. When ever you can tie an answer like this to the Red Sox and their historical woes you're bound to make tough luck Cubbie fans feel a sense of hope. Speaking of Hope. Not mentioning her stripping down to her sports bra, a la Brandi Chastain,  in the event of a U.S. gold medal was also probably wise.

***

Darren's Question: 

"Do you think he'd [Anthony Rizzo] have that kind of success if he were still playing here?"

Jed's Catch Phrase: 

"That's a great question."

Jed's Stream of Consciousness:

F*ck. No, mind. Do not censor your/mine/our thoughts. Say it. F*ck! Why does my mind keep doing that? I have free will. Hope Solo's sports bra. Be careful. Don't diminish Anthony Solo's accomplishments thus far. Rizzo. Rizzo. Rizzo. Frank Rizzo. Should I bring my f*ckin tools? More censorship. Chick-fil-A. Chick. Hope Solo. Undergarments. Stop. Anthony Rizzo is a winner. Things are going to go his way. Ah, Beck's "Loser". I loved 1993. Hope Solo. Anthony Rizzo. Use the psychology aspect.

Jed's Answer: 

"I think change of scenery can be a powerful thing. I certainly do think there is a PETCO effect that can get in guys heads. He's hit a lot of homers on the road. He's hit a lot of ball really hard. But you know, maybe of his nine homers three or four don't go out here. And I think that does get in your head."

AJM's Grade:

Good save by Jed. With everything that appeared to be clouding his mind just about anything could have spilled out of his mouth. Another wise move not working Hope Solo into this answer. With a bigger press corps in Chicago it would only lead to questions of competency. A very measured response. A response that gives the appearance that at the very least Anthony Rizzo will continue to have moderate success at the big league level.

The mind is an amazing thing. What we think and when we think it -- it's a wonder we ever even produce a cogent thought to be expressed orally.

In addition to the comedic effect and the allusions to a half-naked Hope Solo victory celebration this was a great interview. Later in the interview, Jed Hoyer gave insights into the change of ownership and why Ron Fowler's involvement is a good thing. Check it out.

Deciphering Darren Smith Questions at the All Star Break

Each day when Darren Smith gets behind the microphone at XX1090 his listeners forget a very simple truth: Darren Smith is writer.

One cannot speak for 3 hours to a captive audience without having first written down research notes and probing questions for those he interviews each day. Darren Smith is not a writer of prose (although he certainly may be in his free time) but the quality of questions he writes for his guests are perhaps the most essential element of his successful show.

Last week Darren interviewed Padres MLB beat writer Corey Brock coming out of the All-Star break. A week after the fact I've obtained the original questions (typed in italics) intended for Brock and they display only a minor resemblance to the questions that were asked on air (typed in bold) . . .


The original questions give the listener an inkling of how much things can change within the course of a single show, and segment for that matter. With financial obligations to sponsors and their coveted advertisement spots, the radio host is always up against a clock, which invariably leads to changes on the fly. We see this with the questions designated for Corey Brock. We also see the humor as well as Darren's professed goal of high IQ radio with a splash of absurdity . . .

"If you were to say in a couple of sentences, how would you describe the first half of the season, the first three months plus of the 2012 campaign?"

If you were to use a comparison to movies featuring Nicholas Cage, which Cage performance would best describe the 2012 Padres? Captain Corelli's Mandolin or Ghost Rider? a couple of sentences, how would you describe the first half of the season, the first three months plus of the 2012 un-televised disastercampaign?

"What has really been the impact of all these injuries? Where has it hurt 'em? Has it hurt 'em at the lower levels, has it hurt 'em at the big league level? What's really been the biggest impact of them all?"

Has this team even begun to evaluate what they're doing wrong with pitchers? We've got torn elbows and shoulders. Pulled lats . . . What doe s a lat do? We got Carlos Quentin's bad knees. Issues of vertigo. Meh! What's next? Yeast infections?

"Do you think in hindsight, the label that they got or the ranking that they got in terms of farm system, being the number one farm system, do you think that that was accurate in hindsight?"

The Padres couldn't possibly have anything rated number one could they? But seriously, on a scale where Kate Upton is a 10, and Anne Hathaway is a 6 can we honestly say that the Padres score an Erin Burnett? Which of course, Corey will tell you, is an outstanding 9.6. Am I right, Corey? Erin Burnett a 9.6? Sound about right?

"Pick one of the trade candidates, since we don't have time for all of them, and we want to pace ourselves here for the next couple of weeks. Which decision do you think is the most interesting of the usual suspects of guys, that the Padres, that we hear, the Padres might be interested in trading?"

Please tell me that Will Venable won't be offered up for a trade, Corey. It's too entertaining to listen to the twitter folk berate his play and critique his hairline. His hairline? People seriously criticize his hairline which, I imagine, many people would kill for. No Will Venable, right Corey?

"What's happening differently with Carlos Quentin than what we saw getting out of the gates and getting off the DL?"

What's happening differently with Carlos Quentin? Is Carlos Quentin afraid of PETCO Park like Ryan Ludwick was or is his knee still bothering him? Or really, honestly, is he just not seeing any pitches because the line-up around him is horse-bleep? Or was it Comic-Con and all the weirdos walking around the Gaslamp? Did he get spooked?

"Who do you think wins the NL West?"

Tim Lincecum is firing up the bong again isn't he? Too many double doubles from In-N-Out?

"When do you think, or do you think, we'll see Nick Hundley again?"

Who's losing their front office job over the Nick Hundley extension?

I liked those original questions. I think they were Erin Burnett quality.

Will Venable in 2012: i TOO aM bullISH

Last night I listened to a Darren Smith interview podcast with MLB.com's Corey Brock. Each of the fellas stated that they were bullish on Will Venable in 2012 to which I quickly replied via twitter:

After the posting of that tweet Dan Hayes of the North County Times affirmed that he too was bullish on Will Venable in 2012.

I had to think about this for a minute; to process; to try and make sense of it all. We have three knowledgeable guys here, all having seen Will Venable throughout Spring Training and his work with new hitting coach Phil Plantier, and perhaps they have the requisite insider information to make such claims. At that moment I decided that i TOO aM bullISH.

I am bullish that Will Venable's hairline will keep him in the running to become a kung-fu fighting Shaolin monk.

I am bullish that there will be mention of Will Venable's Princeton education after giving a particularly introspective interview. By me and the interviewee.

I am bullish that Will Venable will curse at a blogger for an illicit videotaping incident at which time everyone will comment on how surprising the outburst actually was . . . because, well, Will's a really nice guy.

I am bullish that Will Venable will hit a ball really, really far and that we will all stand mouths agape and echo, "Will Venable hit that ball really, really far." We'll all smile at one another in delight as we fight over the last Hodad's slider and spill our $9.50 beer from Ballast Point.

I am bullish that Will Venable will hit a few booming triples, each one carrying the exact same sentiment from the crowd: "This is the day that the Padres finally hit for the cycle. Yippee!"

I am bullish THAT NonE OF THIs wilL MAttEr!!!!

each oF theDSE Special MOMents WILL all Come FEW and faR beTWeen and that viLL WeNABLe's stat lines wiLL BE hOrrendous BECause thaT's WHO HE IS! He's a tEaSE. viLL WeNABLe TEASES US! HE toRREMENTS us!!! He driVES US to MAKe POOOr decisIONS withOUr LIVEs! WHy? whY? WHY? Why do YOU dO it tO us viLL?!!!!

So am I bullish on Will Venable in 2012? Hell, I guess I am.

*The first cycle will be hit this year. It will be collected by light hitting Andy Parrino and everyone will be amazed because it was supposed to be Will Venable or Cameron Maybin. It's ok. Maybin will hit one in June.

Deciphering a Jed Hoyer and Darren Smith Conversation

Yesterday Darren Smith invited Jed Hoyer to appear on XX1090 to discuss an array of topics. As I listened to the former Padres GM answer Darren's questions a concurrent dialogue played in my mind. This dialogue consisted of what Jed Hoyer was really thinking as he presented politically correct answers to his interviewer.

Jed's approach, of playing things close to the vest, makes sense. Conveying the wrong ideas can only serve to damage future negotiations.

Fortunately for you, I know what he really meant . . .


The first 4 minutes dealt with Chicago winters versus that of San Diego. This introduction was rife with fascinating psychological undertones, but in the interest of keeping things brief, we'll move it along.

[The Move to Chicago]

"It's a fairly easy transition here with Theo and Jason."
We were on a float yesterday afternoon singing Wayne Newton's version of Danke Schoen. It was sweet. I hate Josh Byrnes.

[The Andrew Cashner for Anthony Rizzo Trade]

"Cashner is a really good young pitcher. We think he has a chance to be a dominant relief pitcher."
Please! I invented the ol', "I'll give you a reliever for an everyday player every day of the week and twice on Sundays" trade last year when we got Cameron Maybin. Did Josh Byrnes learn nothing in his time under me?

"I know Anthony struggled last year in his brief call-up but lots of players have struggled in the beginning of their career."
Just look at Kevin Kouzmanoff. In 2007 the guy hit like .081 over two months before he turned it on and look at where he is now. And . . . Brad Hawpe and Jorge Cantu can eat a bag of d*cks.

"The Padres got a really good player [Cashner] as well."
When Cameron Maybin arrived in San Diego I'm pretty sure I said the same thing about outgoing Ryan Webb. And I just laughed about Edward Mujica. If I was in studio I'd throw the mic down and walk out!

"I kind of blame myself. He [Rizzo] got rushed, um. The plan all along last year was to let him play in triple A all year. Be a September call-up and maybe be ready for the beginning of 2012."
I am the fall guy for Motherfu*king Brad Hawpe! G*d DAMN Jorge Cantu! Seriously, bag of d*cks for those two! And Anthony Rizzo completes me.

"We weren't getting any production out of first base."
You're killing me Darren. I can no longer bear to talk about Motherf*cking Brad Hawpe! G*d DAMN Jorge Cantu. Wait. Should I be thanking those two? They did allow me to pick-up Rizzo at a substantial discount. Hey! Brad and Jorge!


[What did the Padres get in Andrew Cashner?]

"They got a great arm. He's got a great pitcher's frame. He's got a great arm. I think the debate around him surrounds what role."
If I say that he's got a great arm one more time, San Diego will be on to me. Play it cool, Jed. Play it cool. Popsicle. Popsicle. Now change the subject.

"The determination here was that he's probably a dominant late inning reliever."
He's like a rich man's Edward Mujica. Or a poor man's Mike Adams. Stop it , Jed. Play it cool. You're f*cking Fonzie. Be cool.

"There was obviously some question marks about his ability to start."
Did I say question marks? I meant exclamation points! God it's cold in Chicago.

[Carlos Zambrano to the Marlins]

"Sending Carlos Zambrano to Miami was something we thought was the right thing to do."
I dupe the franchise stationed in Miami. It's. What. I. Do. I need a mic, cuz I gots to throw it down! Lake Michigan has a beach. That people actually go to. Just not now. Weird.

"He's just apologized to his teammates one too many times. He'd worn out his welcome."
Carlos Zambrano is a fat idiot. Relatively speaking, Mexican food in Chicago is substandard. I miss long walks to Lolita's taco shop.

[On the Padres off-season]

"Mat Latos is immensely talented and it's hard to give up a guy with four years of control like that."
I Look forward to him throwing a ball through the sunroof of my car. Wait do I even need a car? Chicago has great public transportation. Josh Byrnes has my old office; dick.

"Candidly I was a little bit jealous when they acquired Quentin because I think there was a little extra money in the budget that I didn't have when I was there."
Josh Byrnes. Dick! Jeff Moorad. Cheapskate! I'd complain about Ryan Ludwick but who cares? Who's the GM of the Cubs now? I got my dream job. Theo completes me. Deep dish pizza puzzles me. It's heavy. I'm not ready to go back to Gino's East.

[On Broncos versus Patriots this weekend]

"Tell Marty I'll take a picture of myself Tebowing in Wrigley Field if the Patriots don't win that game."
This is Chicago where a World Series hasn't been won by the Cubs since 1908. We don't believe in God here. Patriots in a blowout!

Let's Play: 'The 2009 Chargers in a Word'

When Chargers beat writer Kevin Acee appeared on XX1090 with Darren Smith on Monday, the following question was proposed:

Darren Smith: Gimme one word to describe the Chargers.......I know you're a word smith and you have to write these 1000 piece essays but.....one word.....
Kevin Acee: You interrupted me.....Resilient
DS: That's my word
KA: Oh was it your word?......I don't know!......I don't listen to you!......I listen to Hacksaw, Dude.
DS: You're only human

HaHaHa.... "I listen to Hacksaw, Dude."

That was funny but we're not here for funny we're here to talk Bolts. If you are so inclined go ahead and listen to the Podcast for more insights on the Chargers play over the last few weeks as well as a preview to the Christmas Carnage scheduled for Friday night. Right now though, it's time for: 'The Chargers in a Word'.

It's difficult to disagree with the word resilient being attached to this squad. The number of injuries that have occurred since week 1 in Oakland are frankly, retarded. 'No-names' have filled in admirably and become 'somebodies' in the eyes of Charger fans and that folks is long hand for: R-E-S-I-L-I-E-N-T.

I don't know that this team is defined by its resilient nature however. When I think of the 2009 Chargers I think of Philip Rivers calmly controlling his offense and marching them down the field in times of dire need. If I could describe this team with just one word, personified by the play of Philip Rivers, there's little doubt in this fan's mind as to what it would be: Phlegmatic.

Phlegmatic. That's right......phlegmatic.

Editor's Note:
Do not confuse my use of the word phlegmatic as tacit endorsement of The Four Temperaments school of psychology which stems from the ancient medical concept of Humorism. I believe that this interpretation of the word would be more of a discredit to Philip Rivers and myself...... as I do not believe in Humorism and Philip Rivers is AWESOME!

Mike Singletary is to leadership as Norv Turner is to _________?

I have stated many times that my origins are of the Midwestern ilk and as such I happen to think quite highly of Mike Singletary. More precisely---he's bad a**. I think most would agree with that assessment and most would also take it a step further in suggesting: "Man I wish he was the coach of the San Diego Chargers!"

(you would suggest that wouldn't you?)

So in logging out of my email account what do I see but a picture of Samurai Mike and a video entitled: Mike Singletary on Leadership.

Fortuitous timing with the Chargers slipping 3 1/2 games behind the Denver Broncos and the city of San Diego up in arms about the leader at the helm (or lack there of). Why it was just yesterday afternoon that former fullback assassin, Lorenzo Neal, went on Darren Smith's show and railed against Norv Turner after former Charger safety Vencie Glenn* had done the same in the morning with Scott and BR.

So what does the Samurai have to say?

What do you think?

Is Norv leading by example? The lines of communication.....are they clear? What about the message he's selling? Is it being bought by the rank and file? Who knows.....I'm not in the locker room, but after listening to Lo' Neal's interview on XX1090 I'd say a lot of his information and opinion is based on that of an inside source. Maybe a mate from the fraternity of running backs, who he's close friends with? I'm just saying...

*Vencie Glenn, due to his critical but fair comments regarding how the Charger defense takes the field, has become one of the patron saints of Avenging Jack Murphy. Vencie Glenn is a hard man. Vencie Glenn is a wise man.

The Hardwick Exception: A Simple Rule For Those Living in San Diego

I was listening to Charger center Nick Hardwick do his new weekly segment with Darren Smith on XX1090 last week and it was one of his last statements that resonated most with me. Hardwick took exception with a particular brand of behavior and called for a new rule, an edict, a canon if you will. This exception led to him requesting a general code of principal for fans to follow. I couldn't agree more with the tenets of the Hardwick Exception.

One of my co-conspirators and I were discussing the very same issue set forth below not more than two weeks ago and at that time I asked for him to contribute an op/ed piece on the topic......I am still waiting. Nevertheless, this post will serve as the introduction to a forthcoming rant which shall delve much deeper into the subject.

Without further adieu, the words of Nick Hardwick (kind of a shaky transcript of the podcast with a few omissions from the big fella as well as a couple comments from Darren Smith omitted):

We gotta sell this thing out man. I tell ya what I'm sick of--is a lot of Raider fans in the crowd, and I've got a rule I want to put into place about these ticket sales but I don't think it's my place--but just go get your tickets......Here's the thing though--if you've been here longer than five years, and you show up wearing an Eagles jersey or a Steelers jersey to our game, they need to ID you, and if you're from there that's ok, but if your license says California on it...I'll buy your ticket from you...that way I don't have to listen to you.....Cuz our fans are fantastic but I hate that one time a year thing, when ya know, 'hey I'm from Washington', Well who cares ya been here 5 years, yer not goin' back. Ya know what I mean? There's that 5 year rule. You're here, buy in, dig it.

So there it is.....The Hardwick Exception..... Once you've lived here for 5 years start acting like it. He's 6'4", 295 lbs and has 2 arms sleeved in tattoos--I wouldn't take exception to those numbers.

Don't be a jagoff. Do you live in San Diego or not?

You're here.....buy in.....dig it!

Editor's Note:
If you want to catch the part of the interview where #61 discusses this point click the link in the first paragraph and fast forward it to the end. It's worth it.

The Heath Bell Effect

Below you'll find the Heath Bell Effect. What's that you say? It's what happens when he pitches and then opens his mouth: Padres win, people start talking.

After Bell saved game #1 in Citi Field's history he proceeded to bash ESPN's Baseball Tonight for never featuring the Padres and never even mentioning SD in the build-up to the Mets' opening night. Fair enough....we know that on the West Coast we play second fiddle. So I shall propose two things to you, San Diego Sports fan:

1. Check out the time-line below.....it is the chronology of The Heath Bell Effect.
2. After reading the chronology (and listening if you have the time) follow Heath Bell's lead and make a little noise....I have a suggestion.
   

April 14th: Heath Bell dogged ESPN in an interview with Scott & BR on Tuesday morning:
[XX1090-Audio]

April 16th: HB then went on Baseball Tonight and spoke with Karl Ravech:

Click:[ESPN Video Link]

April 17th: The following afternoon Baseball Tonight's Tim Kurkjian spoke with Darren Smith:

[XX1090-Audio]

April 17th: Miami radio personality Sid Rosenberg (a native New Yorker and Met Fan) and Scott & BR regular hooked up to talk about a few things...the last of which was a brief commentary on the Padres where he bashed them mercilessly!
[XX1090-Audio]

April 19th: Bell's remarks ring true about almighty ESPN
[Union Tribune-Nick Canepa]

That folks, is the Heath Bell Effect:

1. Heath Saves Games:
2. Heath Drops Mad Quotes:
3. People Start Talking About Heath....And The Padres.
   

This folks, is my proposal:

1. Let's E-mail Scott & BR's regular Radio Active guest: Sidney Arthur Rosenberg
   

Listening to that guy Rosenberg reminded me of Bleacher Bum Jordan (if you added a brain). Brash, loud, opinionated and completely New York-East Coast-Centric. He came off as an extension of the ESPN bias that Heath Bell justly attacked earlier in the week....so let us join Heath Bell in appealing to Common Sense......here's Sid Rosenberg's email address:

sidsback2001@yahoo.com

Dear Sid:
We ruined your opening night and took the series from you....we know, we know...we listened to your interview with Scott & BR---"The Mets didn't take the series seriously"---"The Padres are an awful baseball team"---"We only have two players, and some guy named Headly who gets lucky every once in a while"---"And when the season's over the Padres will be where they belong...in last place".

Well let's look at last year: The (last place) Padres took 5 of 7 from the Mets and the Phillies won the East by 3 games....do the math and chew on that Mighty New York Fan. Your overpriced team will likely cave again and we'll just keep on battling....see you on August 8th!

For those of you who are the regular rebel-rousing-Thomas Paine-types but lack the time required of a full-time insurrectionist: feel free to copy & paste the above gibberish. Or get creative as you keep in mind that the national information outlets think San Diego and its fans are a joke....so you don't have to be nice.

How many e-mails can we inundate ol' Sidney Arthur Rosenberg with?

Editor's Note: It appears that there is another component to The Heath Bell Effect......when someone else tries to close a game......it's kind of ugly. Well, you can't win 'em all. A great week had by both the Padres and....Dodgers.

Charger Fan Polling and KT on Donald Trump's Hair

Kevin Towers was on XX1090 today with Darren Smith discussing Monday night's opener at Citi Field......and the discussion began with an assessment of Trump's rug.....KT was up close and personal and his take on it was pretty funny. You should listen to it. They also talk baseball.
Kevin Towers on with Darren Smith
[XX1090-Audio 4/15]

Also catch Jody Gerut comparing Citi Field to playing a game on the Strip in Vegas.....a reference to garish billboards, not the Girls of Glitter Gulch.
Jody Gerut on with Darren Smith
[XX1090-Audio 4/15]

San Diego Union Tribune readers have been polled and here's what they say:

C'mon......6-10? That's moronic.....64 morons feverishly clicking away.
What say you, San Diego Sports Fans?

Editor's Note:
Check out the new 619 Sports website including Craig Elsten and Chris Ello podcasts.
[619Sports.net]

This Is The End: March 29th extremely weak Round-up

“At the end of the day, I want to win,” Moorad says. “I won't rest until the Padres win a World Series ... I think you can win even in a smaller to medium-sized market (like San Diego) with a smaller to medium-sized payroll. We just have to be better and smarter than our competition.”

-Jeffrey Moorad (new Padres CEO and eventual owner)

With our 4th or 5th starters yet to be named and an untested bullpen we find ourselves apprehensive. As March comes to a close the Padres still lack any kind of speed and have power so dubious that the reasonable man must take stock and note that the prospects for the 2009 season are disheartening. There is reason for hope, though.

Spring is a time of renewal and, as such, also a symbol of hope. All you should really need though is the above quote to instill that glimmer of hope. Note the words that new Padre CEO Jeff Moorad chooses: never does he say that he is "looking to remain competitive in the NL West" or that "there's no reason that we can't be competitive". Those are the refrains of a previous regime...Jeff Moorad says he wants a World Series and he won't rest until the Padres get one. We like the sound of that. We recommend reading the remainder of the UT article to get a feel for why "the times they-are-a-changin'".

Modest start preceded Moorad's rise
[San Diego Union Tribune-Mark Zeigler]

However, if you still cannot muster some positive vision for the short term that's O.K. too.......complain away! As a Padre fan you've earned the right. You were told to vote "Yes" back in 1998 and the future would forever be bright. But it's 2009 and the "Bark Park" novelty has worn off to the casual fan so we're left with the same old cost cutting measures of days gone past. With a $40 million dollar payroll we will trudge through a weak NL West and compete against a Dodger team that just paid Manny Ramirez over $20 million.......we need not do the math for you.

We were lied to so feel free to deliver your bellows of rage. Don't let guys on the radio tell you that you should only be extolling the favorables on account of a new ownership group easing into place and April just on the horizon. Be cynical. Be skeptical. It's the Padres 40 year anniversary...you've earned it.

We're hopeful though, and satisfied that Jeff Moorad is at the helm. Check out the following audio:perhaps it will quell your pessimism.

Jeffrey Moorad with Scott & BR
[XX1090--3/27/09]
Kevin Towers with Darren Smith
[XX1090--3/27/09]

There's another thing that is quite outstanding about Moorad....he received his law degree from..........wait for it........Villanova! The bracket was blown up today but it is on life support with the "Villanova in the finals" selection. It looks like a Michigan St/Villanova final will be needed. Go Nova!

The week has ended and we can all agree that life is Too Short to not envision a little hope on the horizon...

Editor's Note:
The bearded fella sitting next to Senator McCain is Jeff Moorad. Moorad claims that the Senator knows more about the Diamondbacks than most people in the Arizona front office which explains precisely two things:

1. D-Backs's poor showing in 2008.
2. McCain's inability to differentiate between the Sunni and Shia sects of Islam (keep your eye on the ball Mr. McCain)
   

This is The End: March 8th Round-up

These are stories from the week that we either touched on (see:Dancing With The Stars mash unit), wished for (see: A-Rod's karma to come full circle), or missed entirely (See: Vasgersian...I don't know anyone who EVEN has the MLB network). No matter the story's relevance....this is the End.

[XX1090 Scott & BR-audio]
LT's Mom doesn't like his chances of returning and while bitter at the way her son has been treated acknowledges that, "she's just a mom". Word will probably be in by Wednesday....why would LT wait any longer if he plans on rejecting the final Charger offer?

[Sports Illustrated]
The advantages to that time of year when we "spring" forward and add a little extra prime-time day light and warmth........if time constrains you and you're only going to click one of these links.......this is it, friends.

[Deadspin-audio]
Santa Maria!!!!! Matty V said something you can't say on the air during the MLB network's inaugural season.......I'll miss the team of Matt and Mudcat.

[Deadspin]
Michael Lewis' Moneyball is an absolutely fascinating read. Interesting theories, but put into practice, it is a steaming pile of crap. So let's make a movie about it and star Brad Pitt as Mt. Carmel's Billy Beane! Can you say steaming pile of......?

First Julianne Hough bows out....now Nancy O'Dell and Jewel

[SD Union Tribune]

The Padres' farm system gets rated 29th out of 30 teams by Baseball America. Kyle Blanks is the only Padre rated in the top 100 of all MLB prospects (noteworthy: I watched him hit on Saturday and while a massive man at 6'6" and 270 lbs, I think he could play LF. Doesn't look oafish like Adam Dunn......he's very calm at the plate.....I saw him K and then hit one on a line off the top of the fence).

[XX1090 Darren Smith-audio]
Sandy Alderson talks about stuff......like captaining a farm system ranked 29th by Baseball America.

[619 Sports]
A case made for using your dollars on the passion found in our local college teams. This is your opportunity to get a little extra 411 on the sporting events in the 619.......San Diegans, Support!

[Hugging Harold Reynolds]
Cooooooool.......Now we get to taunt Manny as he "Mans" left for the Dodgers in '09. Let's make a concerted effort to throw monopoly money at ManRam when he visits our left field. Anyways, listen to the audio garnered by HHR of Manny's agent Scott Boras. It must be nice to be able to turn down $25 million in this economy.

[SD Union Tribune (AP)]
A-Rod gets familiar with Karma.

The $7 Buck Cup?

Word on the Street.........cheaper beer at Petco this season. Darren Smith of XX1090 spoke with Sandy Alderson today and many things were said....the only thing we heard was cheaper beer. Hooray Beer!

We asked for it, not two weeks ago.

Click and hear about beer.......

The cheap beer news does create a conundrum for this blog, though.

We have been contemplating a URL name change as our current name is too Masshole-centric. The name that seemed to be best suited for us was a spin off of how we have been labeling all of our Padre Posts: The $9 Buck Cup Of Misery...

www.the9buckcup.blogspot.com

Cheaper beer prices for '09 squashes that plan......not that we're complaining.

As of today we are soliciting any suggestions for a new URL...

Anatomy of a Pissing Contest

What a shit storm. Below is a comprehensive list of links to stories regarding Chargers' General Manager AJ Smith and his public spat with LaDainian Tomlinson. The Country should not know that AJ Smith is San Diego's GM! I never knew that the GM of the Patriots was named Scott Pioli...didn't know it until his name made the news as a possible replacement in KC and he was ultimately hired. Pioli is the guy who built a dynasty in NE but nobody knew him....which is the way it should be.

Note to AJ Smith: General Managers should be seen and not heard.

There is a lot of info below. I would recommend listening to the XX1090 audio files. Jim Trotter is the former Charger UT Beat Writer and currently writes for Sports Illustrated. Kevin Acee is the current Charger UT Beat Writer. They are frequent visitors to Darren Smith's afternoon show on XX1090 and provide some good background. I think the most interesting aspect of this story is the XX1090 interview by Acee on January 22nd. He had the opportunity to give the context in which AJ gave his quote but he did not. He in no way disavowed the idea that AJ was "mocking" LT......but as the shit hit the fan.....he went ahead and published an article on 1/25 where he said there was "NO WAY" that AJ was mocking LT. So which is it I wondered....

The resulting storm that fans rained down on SD caused Owner Dean Spanos to REQUIRE AJ to apologize to LT. What does this mean? Who knows....

January 14, SI.Com, "Chargers handling L.T. like a journeyman, not a Hall of Famer", Jim Trotter.

January 17, Union Tribune, "Chargers ponder LT's fate", by Kevin Acee

January 21, Union Tribune, "Draft day homework is already well underway", by Kevin Acee.

January 22, Union Tribune, "Window of opportunity always open if you have a top QB" by Nick Canepa.

January 22, XX1090, Darren Smith interview with Kevin Acee.

January 22, XX1090, Darren Smith interview with Jim Trotter.

January 23, Yahoo Sports, "Time for Spanos to 'flex' on Smith", by Michael Silver.

January 23, The "WHTNEP" San Diego Sports Fan Collective, "AJ Smith: Front Runner for Douche of the year."

January 24, Union Tribune, "LT can resolve predicament by making a cut-in his pay", by Tim Sullivan.

January 25, Union Tribune, "Abrupt? Egotistical? Smith can be both. Bud did he mock LT? No." by Kevin Acee.

January 25, Union Tribune, "Tomlinson-Smith saga must stop now, Merriman says", by Kevin Acee

January 26, XX1090, Darren Smith interview with Kevin Acee.

January 26, Chargers.com, "AJ reaches out to LT".

January 26, Union Tribune, "Smith calls Tomlinson in effort to clear the Air", by Kevin Acee.