In an '08 Season that's been far more trick than treat, this little Charger fan ponders a Superbowl surge....... and the pile of Belichicks and Bruschis in her diaper.Awwww......So Cute!
Friday, October 31, 2008
A Season More Trick Than Treat
In an '08 Season that's been far more trick than treat, this little Charger fan ponders a Superbowl surge....... and the pile of Belichicks and Bruschis in her diaper.Awwww......So Cute!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The Experience...The Avenger-In-Chief Responds
A Response to the Ombudsvenger's Editorial:
We spoke of the Ombudsvenger navigating a path of incomplete information (there are actually six original Avengers...not five) in properly assessing the meaning of what the Tortured San Diego Fan Experience truly is. It is not we who are tortured but our experience of following the Chargers and Padres that is torturing.
Those people who were sitting in Citizen Bank Ballpark tonight in 30 degree weather are tortured on many different levels. Before Brad Lidge recorded the final out this evening the
Phillies had been victorious in ONE WORLD SERIES in the previous 126 YEARS....fucking torture! There was no Indian Summer to carry the Philly Faithful into November but instead a cold biting rain that was a mere precursor to a harsh winter of scrapin' windshields and warmin' up car engines....fucking torture! As they sat on the precipice of greatness did any Philly fan stop to think that all of the devotion might not have been worth it if the Phils went ahead and collapsed during the 9th? Brad Lidge has been known to do it before....fucking torture! Just listen to those Philadelphia accents....fucking torture! That includes yours Cholla!
There was a point....ah yes, those Easterners put in the time and devotion and rightfully would feel tortured to the nth degree had their team blown it.... but even as victors they are still tortured by an unforgiving geography. Whereas the San Diego Fan embraces his geography at season's end.
The Tortured San Diego Fan EXPERIENCE is what we speak of in this domain. It can be a foul taste to invest our time and space in a local game, an out of town series or an entire season that often seems to pass in the geologic conception of time. The EXPERIENCE is also punitive in nature as we purchase tickets and swag and ultimately lament our financial investment gone awry......as we realize that our team JUST WASN'T VERY GOOD!
We were duped by slick front office white collar lawyers who cry "poor Me"....and it only adds to our torture! Torture because we question owners' motives and whether or not our time could be better spent entirely on another venture such as lawn darts. Why? Why not extinguish this suffering.....why not follow the game only when it is pleasurable and victories are a regularity?
Here we feel as though all of life's ventures no matter the level of import should be attacked with passion and anything less would be to cheat the gift.
This unfortunately also includes our devotion to the hometown teams. All too often we see in the city of San Diego a sickening level of bandwagoneering. There is no sports town like San Diego....WHEN WE'RE WINNING! But boy is it cold and quiet when teams are on the down slide....we can here the cries of, "Geronimo!", as San Diegans free fall to the next best thing.
IF.....and it the most monumentally large fucking "IF" you could ever posit....if the Chargers rebound and make a run at it all, "fans" will act like they never left and they'll be waving their flags and puffing out their Powder Blue clad chests and will look back with nostalgia at the Run that was great in '08.
Well we just find that to be disingenuous. If you are to give any of your free time to sport make it a true commitment.....so we have decided to remain loyal in a time where, players, agents, coaches, and owners rarely do....it is an EXPERIENCE that we find a bit like being water boarding, Gitmo style.....which is to say that it is akin to TORTURE.
The juice will be worth the squeeze.... and we'll be rewarded one day. Until that day we'll go ahead and ride out this unusually warm tenth month in the two thousandth and eighth year of our lord.....
We spoke of the Ombudsvenger navigating a path of incomplete information (there are actually six original Avengers...not five) in properly assessing the meaning of what the Tortured San Diego Fan Experience truly is. It is not we who are tortured but our experience of following the Chargers and Padres that is torturing.
Those people who were sitting in Citizen Bank Ballpark tonight in 30 degree weather are tortured on many different levels. Before Brad Lidge recorded the final out this evening the
Phillies had been victorious in ONE WORLD SERIES in the previous 126 YEARS....fucking torture! There was no Indian Summer to carry the Philly Faithful into November but instead a cold biting rain that was a mere precursor to a harsh winter of scrapin' windshields and warmin' up car engines....fucking torture! As they sat on the precipice of greatness did any Philly fan stop to think that all of the devotion might not have been worth it if the Phils went ahead and collapsed during the 9th? Brad Lidge has been known to do it before....fucking torture! Just listen to those Philadelphia accents....fucking torture! That includes yours Cholla!
There was a point....ah yes, those Easterners put in the time and devotion and rightfully would feel tortured to the nth degree had their team blown it.... but even as victors they are still tortured by an unforgiving geography. Whereas the San Diego Fan embraces his geography at season's end.
The Tortured San Diego Fan EXPERIENCE is what we speak of in this domain. It can be a foul taste to invest our time and space in a local game, an out of town series or an entire season that often seems to pass in the geologic conception of time. The EXPERIENCE is also punitive in nature as we purchase tickets and swag and ultimately lament our financial investment gone awry......as we realize that our team JUST WASN'T VERY GOOD!
We were duped by slick front office white collar lawyers who cry "poor Me"....and it only adds to our torture! Torture because we question owners' motives and whether or not our time could be better spent entirely on another venture such as lawn darts. Why? Why not extinguish this suffering.....why not follow the game only when it is pleasurable and victories are a regularity?
Here we feel as though all of life's ventures no matter the level of import should be attacked with passion and anything less would be to cheat the gift.
This unfortunately also includes our devotion to the hometown teams. All too often we see in the city of San Diego a sickening level of bandwagoneering. There is no sports town like San Diego....WHEN WE'RE WINNING! But boy is it cold and quiet when teams are on the down slide....we can here the cries of, "Geronimo!", as San Diegans free fall to the next best thing.
IF.....and it the most monumentally large fucking "IF" you could ever posit....if the Chargers rebound and make a run at it all, "fans" will act like they never left and they'll be waving their flags and puffing out their Powder Blue clad chests and will look back with nostalgia at the Run that was great in '08.
Well we just find that to be disingenuous. If you are to give any of your free time to sport make it a true commitment.....so we have decided to remain loyal in a time where, players, agents, coaches, and owners rarely do....it is an EXPERIENCE that we find a bit like being water boarding, Gitmo style.....which is to say that it is akin to TORTURE.
The juice will be worth the squeeze.... and we'll be rewarded one day. Until that day we'll go ahead and ride out this unusually warm tenth month in the two thousandth and eighth year of our lord.....
A Letter To The Avenger-In-Chief
We don't get nearly enough letters (or haikus) considering the enormous amount of passion that exists among San Diego Sports Fans. But on the day when that letter arrives and it is eloquently worded and persuasive as all hell......we must bring it to the forefront for all to read. The Avenger-in-Chief does not necessarily agree with the rationale of the Ombudsvenger but that is OK, because we, despite our URL address, are actually tolerant and encourage dissent.
The Ombudsvenger also negotiates a path of incomplete information....which is to say he does not know the credo of Tortured San Diego Sports Fan. What is our 1st Pillar of Faith as a TSDSF and what is the Experience like? A Statement of Faith will be forthcoming....until then enjoy the world view of our Ombudsmen.....
"The Tortured San Diego Sports Fan"...does such a creature exist?
Aside of course, from the indefatigable avenger-in-chief, (in fact a son of the Mid-West for those not in the know), the typical San Diego fan sees their team’s disintegration not so much as the disappointment of the year, but simply as a “bummer…dude…”
And who can blame them? With a baseball club whose team-building strategy is to develop young players, then trade them just as they enter their prime for overpriced and washed-up veterans, and a perennially underachieving NFL team whose greatest games are the ones that they “almost won”, who wouldn’t rather check out the swell instead?
No, I’m afraid that the Tortured San Diego Sports Fan is an endangered species of the most rare nature. In fact, this Avenger, even after many days afield, has only ever seen five of them in their natural habitat, and three of those from the same troop. Who then, you may ask, belongs to all the asses in the seats of our lovely new Petco, and less lovely retro Murky-Q? My observations point to two sub-species of the T.S.D.S.F.;
1.The Ex-Pat San Diego Sports Fan
AND THE
The former sub-set consists primarily of those formerly of the East Coast and the Rust-Belt. You know them well, they’re the chowda-heads, pinstripers, and cubbie-nationals who cheer beside you throughout most of the season, that is, until the real “Home” team pays a visit to the sunny environs of America’s Finest City. Then their true loyalty shines through, and as you walk down 6th ave, you wonder “Where in the hell did all these MassHoles come from?”
The latter sub-set is comprised of natives and transplants alike; their common ground being that they can, and often do, find better things to do with their time. Those fortunate enough to grow from seed in this beautiful and bountiful corner of the world are often instilled with the notion that God’s great outdoors should be enjoyed and explored as often as possible, regardless of whether or not polyester argonauts are pounding the piss out of each other in Mission Valley 8 Sundays a year. Those that move here often do so to join the ranks of those sunshine and adventure lovers, and rarely for the pleasure of donning the powder blue.
So as the Chargers begin their eminent slide into the second half of the season, take heart San Diego..not in our chances, or even next year..but in the knowledge that there’s a new swell pushing in from the North-West this weekend. Mahalo!
-The Ombudsvenger
The Ombudsvenger also negotiates a path of incomplete information....which is to say he does not know the credo of Tortured San Diego Sports Fan. What is our 1st Pillar of Faith as a TSDSF and what is the Experience like? A Statement of Faith will be forthcoming....until then enjoy the world view of our Ombudsmen.....
(Our Ombudsmen?)
"The Tortured San Diego Sports Fan"...does such a creature exist?
Aside of course, from the indefatigable avenger-in-chief, (in fact a son of the Mid-West for those not in the know), the typical San Diego fan sees their team’s disintegration not so much as the disappointment of the year, but simply as a “bummer…dude…”
And who can blame them? With a baseball club whose team-building strategy is to develop young players, then trade them just as they enter their prime for overpriced and washed-up veterans, and a perennially underachieving NFL team whose greatest games are the ones that they “almost won”, who wouldn’t rather check out the swell instead?
No, I’m afraid that the Tortured San Diego Sports Fan is an endangered species of the most rare nature. In fact, this Avenger, even after many days afield, has only ever seen five of them in their natural habitat, and three of those from the same troop. Who then, you may ask, belongs to all the asses in the seats of our lovely new Petco, and less lovely retro Murky-Q? My observations point to two sub-species of the T.S.D.S.F.;
1.The Ex-Pat San Diego Sports Fan
AND THE
2.Waves-Are-Flat-Got-Tix-From-My-Company-
Bought-My-Girlfriend-A-Pink-LT-Shirt-
My-Boat’s-In-The-Shop-Desert-Season-Doesn’t-Start-Till-Next-Month
San Diego Sports Fan.
Bought-My-Girlfriend-A-Pink-LT-Shirt-
My-Boat’s-In-The-Shop-Desert-Season-Doesn’t-Start-Till-Next-Month
San Diego Sports Fan.
The former sub-set consists primarily of those formerly of the East Coast and the Rust-Belt. You know them well, they’re the chowda-heads, pinstripers, and cubbie-nationals who cheer beside you throughout most of the season, that is, until the real “Home” team pays a visit to the sunny environs of America’s Finest City. Then their true loyalty shines through, and as you walk down 6th ave, you wonder “Where in the hell did all these MassHoles come from?”
The latter sub-set is comprised of natives and transplants alike; their common ground being that they can, and often do, find better things to do with their time. Those fortunate enough to grow from seed in this beautiful and bountiful corner of the world are often instilled with the notion that God’s great outdoors should be enjoyed and explored as often as possible, regardless of whether or not polyester argonauts are pounding the piss out of each other in Mission Valley 8 Sundays a year. Those that move here often do so to join the ranks of those sunshine and adventure lovers, and rarely for the pleasure of donning the powder blue.
So as the Chargers begin their eminent slide into the second half of the season, take heart San Diego..not in our chances, or even next year..but in the knowledge that there’s a new swell pushing in from the North-West this weekend. Mahalo!
-The Ombudsvenger
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Cottrell Out, Rivera In...And A Defensive Improvement You Didn't See Coming
Wish Granted. On Sunday night we called for the heads of our coaches and today we received one on a stick. It's good to see that Dean Spanos and AJ Smith are frequent readers...and we quote ourselves:
F.Y.I. Norv and Ted---Death by paper cut.....IS STILL DEATH! Fire Cottrell and let Ron Rivera employ a bit of the ol' 46 Buddy Ryan defense he learned back in 1985 with the Monsters of The Midway! We hate talking Xs and Os but it must be done...to borrow a British Phrase: Ted Cottrell is a useless CUNT! He's not the only useless cunt out there either...
Cottrell is gone and Ron Rivera takes the helm. We asked for Rivera and we got 'em.......now will we get the 46 Defense? We can only hope! Line up 8 in the box and send 'em all!
Now Rivera can't do the tackling for these guys. You're either committed to puttin' your nose in there or you're not.....but there is one thing that Ron Rivera can do for our players on the defensive side of the ball that not too many others can boast:
.....that's right! He can teach them to dance with purpose....as a TEAM...rather than as individuals doing silly solos he can coordinate their efforts in a dance studio.....to celebrate the advancement of the TEAM over that of the individual. Rivera's co-teacher should be that one fella.....whatshisname?......Samurai.....
....ahhhh...."Samurai" Mike Singletary....That's right! Nobody messes in his neighborhood! It rang true back in the '80's and judging by the rant on Sunday after the San Francisco loss.......well at least we know Vernon Davis won't be messin' in his neighborhood.
Our little dancers on D, need the "dressing down" of their lives and maybe Rivera will give it to 'em---SAMURAI MIKE STYLE!
Our D cannot get worse. It is an impossibility. Good move....and it gives us something to talk about....like the 1985 Monsters of the Midway (:
(OF NOTE.......The video for the Superbowl Shuffle was filmed after the only loss of the 85 season...Dolphins on a Monday Night with all of their idiot '72 guys watching, Mercury Morris et. al.! They filmed upon return from Miami so a lot of guys were tired and chose not to go to the shoot and others (see: STARS) were edited in. Ron Rivera did not make it in.
As a youngster in Chicago I had a general fear of playing the Dolphins in the Superbowl as another loss to that fucker Marino would have made the winter far too long and painful. To my surprise.....some team called the Patriots upset the Fish and met us in Superbowl XX.....honestly, I laughed. The Pats had no chance! Reconsidering the course of history, however, I now feel that the Patriots Cheated us out of our destiny (see: Forest Gump's rescue of Lieutenant Dan) to avenge our only loss against the team to have defeated us in 1985.....yet another reason to hate the fucking New England Patriots!
Steve Grogan and Tony Eason my ass!
F.Y.I. Norv and Ted---Death by paper cut.....IS STILL DEATH! Fire Cottrell and let Ron Rivera employ a bit of the ol' 46 Buddy Ryan defense he learned back in 1985 with the Monsters of The Midway! We hate talking Xs and Os but it must be done...to borrow a British Phrase: Ted Cottrell is a useless CUNT! He's not the only useless cunt out there either...
(Sunday October 26, 2008)
Cottrell is gone and Ron Rivera takes the helm. We asked for Rivera and we got 'em.......now will we get the 46 Defense? We can only hope! Line up 8 in the box and send 'em all!
Now Rivera can't do the tackling for these guys. You're either committed to puttin' your nose in there or you're not.....but there is one thing that Ron Rivera can do for our players on the defensive side of the ball that not too many others can boast:
.....that's right! He can teach them to dance with purpose....as a TEAM...rather than as individuals doing silly solos he can coordinate their efforts in a dance studio.....to celebrate the advancement of the TEAM over that of the individual. Rivera's co-teacher should be that one fella.....whatshisname?......Samurai.....
....ahhhh...."Samurai" Mike Singletary....That's right! Nobody messes in his neighborhood! It rang true back in the '80's and judging by the rant on Sunday after the San Francisco loss.......well at least we know Vernon Davis won't be messin' in his neighborhood.
Our little dancers on D, need the "dressing down" of their lives and maybe Rivera will give it to 'em---SAMURAI MIKE STYLE!
Our D cannot get worse. It is an impossibility. Good move....and it gives us something to talk about....like the 1985 Monsters of the Midway (:
(OF NOTE.......The video for the Superbowl Shuffle was filmed after the only loss of the 85 season...Dolphins on a Monday Night with all of their idiot '72 guys watching, Mercury Morris et. al.! They filmed upon return from Miami so a lot of guys were tired and chose not to go to the shoot and others (see: STARS) were edited in. Ron Rivera did not make it in.
As a youngster in Chicago I had a general fear of playing the Dolphins in the Superbowl as another loss to that fucker Marino would have made the winter far too long and painful. To my surprise.....some team called the Patriots upset the Fish and met us in Superbowl XX.....honestly, I laughed. The Pats had no chance! Reconsidering the course of history, however, I now feel that the Patriots Cheated us out of our destiny (see: Forest Gump's rescue of Lieutenant Dan) to avenge our only loss against the team to have defeated us in 1985.....yet another reason to hate the fucking New England Patriots!
Steve Grogan and Tony Eason my ass!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
The Ship is Taking Water; & Kassim Osgood...You are no All Black
We'll use a little Rugby analogy to explain the Chargers' current defensive deficiencies. Long ago we listened to a Springbok (James Small possibly), renowned for their hard uncompromising defense, discuss the easy time he thought his national team would have against their opponent because of the following colorful descriptor:
"They tackle like castrated bulls!"
No Balls! Tackling takes commitment and ...balls!
When a team tackles as poorly as the Chargers it is a simple case of individuals lacking HEART.
When a team is penalized as frequently as the Chargers it is a simple case of poor
COACHING.
Our offense is fun to watch and Phillip Rivers improves with every game but it just isn't sustainable to ask them to score on every possession. This season has become an unbearable nightmare and has only served as an addendum to the Torture that is being a San Diego Sports Fan. We won't concede the division just yet but there is little reason to believe that future offensive coordinators will fail to exploit the gaping holes in our defense. We will continue to see "death by paper cut" as QBs pick us apart underneath and in between the soft spots of our JOKE of a zone defense.
F.Y.I. Norv and Ted---Death by paper cut.....IS STILL DEATH! Fire Cottrell and let Ron Rivera employ a bit of the ol' 46 Buddy Ryan defense he learned back in 1985 with the Monsters of The Midway! We hate talking Xs and Os but it must be done...to borrow a British Phrase: Ted Cottrell is a useless CUNT! He's not the only useless cunt out there either...
- Igor OlNoShownsky.....Super Human Strength? Super Useless Cunt...CUT HIM!
- Luis "No Show" Castillo....You interview like a guy from Northwestern...and unfortunately play like a guy from...well, Northwestern! How did you get that contract extension?
- Marques Harris......Why? Why on God's Green Earth are you pumping your fist like a champion after tackling a guy who just picked up a Sproles fumble......?
- Antoine Applewhite.....Cut your hair, you aren't the Predator! And if you're going to take a late hit on Brees at least put him out of the game! Chump!
- Eric Weddle....It's always been said that you aren't that impressive to look at but you just play football. No, you're not at all impressive to look at and you can't tackle or cover for shit!
- Matt Wilhelm....Didn't AJ let go of Donnie Edwards because he made tackles down field instead of going forward? Matt Wilhelm out of THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY can barely even make the tackle down the field....keep that incognito beard goin' and you might dodge a skeptical public.
- Antonio Cromartie....This guy is a complete joke. How can you be that fast and get used like a clean-up towel....every single game? Trade him and let Cason take his spot. Antonio Cromartie is a CHUMP!
Here's to you...Ye All Castrated Bulls!
NEWS FLASH: You don't have Shawne Merriman.......nor does any other team in the NFL! If other teams can put pressure on the QB w/o SM then you sure as shit better be able to also!
My special condemnation comes for another player though....a player who I lauded on two previous occasions during the game for stellar special teams play. Kassim Osgood was the BIGGEST FOOL IN WEMBLEY STADIUM on Sunday night. He had the nerve to try and jump over two Saint blockers, pre Fosbery Flop style, take no part in the eventual tackle and then ran to the sideline to celebrate....all while we were losing the game! While what he celebrated was ridiculous, how he celebrated was asinine and beyond disrespectful.....Osgood tried to do a Maori Haka.....in England?
Mr. Osgood:
The Haka is a challenge between warriors before going into battle. It is an offer of respect but above all, a challenge, one in which the gauntlet is laid down and in all likelihood these warriors will not live to the end of the battle. It also serves the purpose of whipping the Maori warriors (team) into a frenzy so they can begin battle. The Maori Haka also tells of using your cunning to survive and cheat death.......Doing the Haka to celebrate something you did makes no sense and to have done it in England makes even less sense. You're an idiot!
| Leader: | Ringa pakia! | Slap the hands against the thighs! | |
| Uma tiraha! | Puff out the chest! | ||
| Turi whatia! | Bend the knees! | ||
| Hope whai ake! | Let the hip follow! | ||
| Waewae takahia kia kino! | Stamp the feet as hard as you can! | ||
| Leader: | Ka mate, ka mate | 'I die, I die, | |
| Team: | Ka ora' Ka ora' | 'I live, 'I live, | |
| Leader: | Ka mate, ka mate | 'I die, 'I die | |
| Team: | Ka ora Ka ora " | 'I live, 'I live, | |
| All: | Tēnei te tangata pūhuruhuru | This is the hairy man | |
| Nāna i tiki mai whakawhiti te rā | ...Who caused the sun to shine again for me | ||
| Upane... Upane | Up the ladder, Up the ladder | ||
| Upane Kaupane" | Up to the top | ||
| Whiti te rā,! | The sun shines! | ||
| He! | He! |
When tackling.....use shoulders and arms to wrap up your opponent and take him to the ground. We're sure that the Webb Ellis Cup winning back row of Neil Back, Lawrence Dallaglio, and Richard Hill would have offered up their expertise during this past week for a nominal fee....of course that would have required coaches to have made decisions and....coached. What a novel idea.
Well coached teams are not penalized as much as we are. We always dog the Raiders for their numerous penalties and offer up that the problem is systemic in nature.
Shake up the tree!
Even if the Donkeys suck they still are, with the head-to-head win against us, two games up on us.
How will we catch 'em if we don't create turnovers and also allow QBs to short game us to death? Make a change or the season could be lost......let's not die by paper cut.....If this is our Haka, where we know death is imminent, let's actually fight....and die due to hemorrhaging if we must.....
Shake up the tree!
Even if the Donkeys suck they still are, with the head-to-head win against us, two games up on us.
How will we catch 'em if we don't create turnovers and also allow QBs to short game us to death? Make a change or the season could be lost......let's not die by paper cut.....If this is our Haka, where we know death is imminent, let's actually fight....and die due to hemorrhaging if we must.....
Saturday, October 25, 2008
God Save The Bolts...
This game in London is a complete JOKE!!! Let us explain....
When people in the U.S. say that they dislike baseball it is always the stock answer: BORING! They will go on to say that they follow football because it is fast paced and exciting, so much more so than that wretchedly boring game of......baseball....
But in trying to market OUR game on BRITISH soil we must be mindful of viewing that concept through the appropriate lens: that of a BRITISH sports fan. If the savvy marketer, Roger Goodell, takes that approach he will find that this is a failing endeavor no matter which team he sends to Ol' Blighty, this year or any year. Unfortunately, in 2008 the Chargers are one of the teams that have been asked to bend over by the good commissioner's office.
On the British Sports fan:
These spectators already love FOOTBALL. The game that is actually played with the foot, right and left, which causes the following quandary as put forth by exchange student classmate, Leonitas "Ollie" Oleranshaw, back in 1997:
"Ah doon't get it...wha doon't yajus call it HandEgg? Ya doon't use yer feet n it looks like an egg."
See Goodell...you could have got that market research for free. British fans doon't get it.
There is, however, an even bigger problem......Soccer and Rugby are both played with a running clock with no commercial interruption. They also have short halftimes that spare the spectators unbearable medleys by Steven Tyler and Joe Perry of Aerosmith along with Nelly, one of the Simpson girls and whoever else is the hot artist of the time. This all ensures that the game will end approximately 1hr and 35min after it begins.
Gridiron Football, with team timeouts, TV timeouts, halftime shows, instant replay, coaching shenanigans, etc., is essentially the slowest moving game of action on Earth! It's still better than soccer for myriad reasons but perhaps no better reason than the accepted notion that a tie is a good thing......but football drags on through the Euro Fan's lens, and with commercial interruption it is something that Euro just can't contend with. In addition, Rugby player plays with minimal padding so they just tend to think we Sepos are a bunch of Puffs with our helmets and massive Mad Max/Road Warrior shoulder pads. How do you expect to have a proper punch up with all of that padding?
Stuff like that can't happen with helmets! Good ol' Michael Brial.....a big hard man.
It is pure hubris to think that we can get Great Britain to buy our game. Whatever.... we feel worse for the Saints....this was supposed to be one of their home games. If we can take this game and then win our home games we'll make it in to the playoffs, so tomorrow we say, ".... get us to 4-4 and the much needed bye week."
We're out of the score prediction business but we'll have it noted for the record:
See Goodell...you could have got that market research for free. British fans doon't get it.
There is, however, an even bigger problem......Soccer and Rugby are both played with a running clock with no commercial interruption. They also have short halftimes that spare the spectators unbearable medleys by Steven Tyler and Joe Perry of Aerosmith along with Nelly, one of the Simpson girls and whoever else is the hot artist of the time. This all ensures that the game will end approximately 1hr and 35min after it begins.
Gridiron Football, with team timeouts, TV timeouts, halftime shows, instant replay, coaching shenanigans, etc., is essentially the slowest moving game of action on Earth! It's still better than soccer for myriad reasons but perhaps no better reason than the accepted notion that a tie is a good thing......but football drags on through the Euro Fan's lens, and with commercial interruption it is something that Euro just can't contend with. In addition, Rugby player plays with minimal padding so they just tend to think we Sepos are a bunch of Puffs with our helmets and massive Mad Max/Road Warrior shoulder pads. How do you expect to have a proper punch up with all of that padding?
Stuff like that can't happen with helmets! Good ol' Michael Brial.....a big hard man.
It is pure hubris to think that we can get Great Britain to buy our game. Whatever.... we feel worse for the Saints....this was supposed to be one of their home games. If we can take this game and then win our home games we'll make it in to the playoffs, so tomorrow we say, ".... get us to 4-4 and the much needed bye week."
We're out of the score prediction business but we'll have it noted for the record:
- We're 0-3 wearing the Powder Blue Throwback Merriman 56 Jersey
- We're 0-1 wearing the Random Charger Football T-shirt
- We're 3-0 wearing the Away White Phillip Rivers 17 Jersey
~Hail Mary Full of Grace~
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Almost Famous?
Last week we discussed the HATETHEPATRIOTS blog being mentioned by the Scott & B.R. Show on XX1090 during our friend Zino's weekly Top 10 radio spot. Zino mentioned our zeal for loathing the Patriots but failed to call us by name, to our dismay.No worries though! Scott and B.R. had heard of us......no doubt, through the full on barrage of propaganda emails we had been shooting their way. Upon first listen we felt as though the morning fellas were quite annoyed by our existence.....until we received an mp3 of Zino's Top 10 Reasons The Chargers Creamed The Patriots.
Listen closely at the 1 minute mark when Scott and B.R. mention they know who we are:
upon further review
We Sense Approval!
You'll have to be the Judge. CLICK HERE for the Scott & B.R. Show audio clip.
Off Topic:
Thankfully the Donkeys Suck!
And.....
Did anyone see Mark Grace on the World Series pregame coverage by Fox? This guy belongs strictly on radio talking to Jim Rome about bangin' Slumpbusters! He was so uncomfortable and fidgety with spastic hands that we thought it was comedian Louis Black:
Cut down on the coffee Gracey....or the amphetamines for Christ's Sake! You
aren't playin' ball anymore!
Considering our brush with Hank Bauer after the Boston Massacre of September 16th , 2007 and then our brief email correspondence with Ed Hochuli and now a round-about reference on a sports radio talk show at 5:45 am we're ready to proclaim that, in the words of Cameron Crowe, we're Almost Famous:
You'll have to be the Judge. CLICK HERE for the Scott & B.R. Show audio clip.
Off Topic:
Thankfully the Donkeys Suck!
And.....
Did anyone see Mark Grace on the World Series pregame coverage by Fox? This guy belongs strictly on radio talking to Jim Rome about bangin' Slumpbusters! He was so uncomfortable and fidgety with spastic hands that we thought it was comedian Louis Black:
Cut down on the coffee Gracey....or the amphetamines for Christ's Sake! You
aren't playin' ball anymore!
Considering our brush with Hank Bauer after the Boston Massacre of September 16th , 2007 and then our brief email correspondence with Ed Hochuli and now a round-about reference on a sports radio talk show at 5:45 am we're ready to proclaim that, in the words of Cameron Crowe, we're Almost Famous:
WE ARE GOLDEN GODS!
(actually not a quote by Cameron Crowe....but it was the title of his autobiographic film as a Rolling Stone Journalist....why quibble over a minor detail?)
Monday, October 20, 2008
Thank You....New England Patriots:)
"Unfortunate Circumstances Have Rendered Us Reluctant Patriots"-The Avenger Billy Bardy
We received this text and it couldn't have rang more true: these haters had to embrace their mortal enemies on this Monday night. We were glad to see that the bludgeoning at the hands of the Lightning Bolts was enough to set those Pats straight. A Bronco loss we needed and a Bronco loss we got. Despite the disdain we direct towards New England this match up was a no- brainer in another way as well. We'll call it the "retarded little hillbilly factor". Look at this clown Cutler on The Best Damn Sports Show and his comments on Phillip Rivers:
I'd say that these comments make Cutler look like a tool.....but it's his haircut that takes care of that. That good ol' boy's gonna get wrecked on December 27th. That will be the game that decides who wins the AFC West with an 8-8 record. We'll take it if we can get it.
Patriots: We were glad to kick your ass so that it could help you beat the Donkeys....anytime!
In Politics:
During the primaries there was only one candidate who ever discussed monetary policy, banking and the Fed, the IRS, and a shift from our current foreign policy which is driving our country into the ground. Yet, now when his concerns seem to be most validated there is no recognition of his ideas and we find that the train keeps a movin' unabated.....without questions from the media or any of the major talking heads.
Why have we no questions? Why have we submitted to this tyrannical rule of the ineffectual few?
We received this text and it couldn't have rang more true: these haters had to embrace their mortal enemies on this Monday night. We were glad to see that the bludgeoning at the hands of the Lightning Bolts was enough to set those Pats straight. A Bronco loss we needed and a Bronco loss we got. Despite the disdain we direct towards New England this match up was a no- brainer in another way as well. We'll call it the "retarded little hillbilly factor". Look at this clown Cutler on The Best Damn Sports Show and his comments on Phillip Rivers:
I'd say that these comments make Cutler look like a tool.....but it's his haircut that takes care of that. That good ol' boy's gonna get wrecked on December 27th. That will be the game that decides who wins the AFC West with an 8-8 record. We'll take it if we can get it.
Patriots: We were glad to kick your ass so that it could help you beat the Donkeys....anytime!
In Politics:
Declare Yourself
The Founding Fathers are revered for their intellect and foresight. They warned us against the formation of factions (political parties) as being divisive......yet we fully endorse a two party system where election dialogue is only open between those with money......influence is bought up by the millions and the media covers it lock-stock.......
During the primaries there was only one candidate who ever discussed monetary policy, banking and the Fed, the IRS, and a shift from our current foreign policy which is driving our country into the ground. Yet, now when his concerns seem to be most validated there is no recognition of his ideas and we find that the train keeps a movin' unabated.....without questions from the media or any of the major talking heads.
Why have we no questions? Why have we submitted to this tyrannical rule of the ineffectual few?
Sunday, October 19, 2008
The Tortured San Diego Fan Experience...alive and well
We mentioned earlier this week that the HATE was a promotional tool to hype the game that would be not only critical to our season but would serve as a mode of vengeance for fellow San Diego Fans.
After the victory we started a new blog, one that does not give so much credit to the New England Patriots but instead tells who we are as San Diego Fans. We decided to continue posting at this address until the end of the season at which point we will go full time to our new address. In light (no pun intended) of what happened in Orchard Park, NY this morning we think that it is the perfect time to unveil the name of our new site:
After the victory we started a new blog, one that does not give so much credit to the New England Patriots but instead tells who we are as San Diego Fans. We decided to continue posting at this address until the end of the season at which point we will go full time to our new address. In light (no pun intended) of what happened in Orchard Park, NY this morning we think that it is the perfect time to unveil the name of our new site:
THE TORTURED SAN DIEGO FAN EXPERIENCE
www.torturedsandiegofan.blogspot.com
www.torturedsandiegofan.blogspot.com
Perfect name when you consider the continued slide of a team that was near the upper echelon of SuperBowl contenders at the beginning of this season. Such is the life of a San Diego Sports Fan. Where to begin?
That there is a kid's radio adorned with a Charger hat. In the background is a nice plasma television which is airing a commercial for Survivor. There is a break in the action from the Charger/Bills game.....we mean Steelers/Bengals. Yes the big time city of Orchard Park blew a fuse, reportedly from some balloons decorating a generator, and left the world (see: Charger & Bill fans) to scramble for alternatives. We found refuge with the Rock 105.3 team of Josh Lewin and Hank Bauer and it was a cool switch (pun intended). Although, if you take a look at my arm.......it IS the antenna! No amount of MacGuyver-ing could get it listening operationally like that of my arm simply squeezing the base of what was once the radio's antenna. Yes, my shoulder is tired. Before the live television feed returned...to ruin our day...we made some innocuous observations:
Best Radio Lines of the day:
"We think there is SOMEWHERE around 2:30 left in the quarter."--Josh Lewin
(That line was interchanged with many other pieces of time...we thought it to be funny.....never heard it mentioned during a game before today)
"That's like Billy Bardy tryin' to cover Manute Bol"-Hank Bauer
Best Radio Lines of the day:
"We think there is SOMEWHERE around 2:30 left in the quarter."--Josh Lewin
(That line was interchanged with many other pieces of time...we thought it to be funny.....never heard it mentioned during a game before today)
"That's like Billy Bardy tryin' to cover Manute Bol"-Hank Bauer
Describing the height mismatch between Bolts WR Malcolm Floyd and an obviously vertically challenged Bill CB.....all the more funny (to me) when you consider that a friend was challenged to a fight last year after the Padres/Red Sox series (game #2-the CY shutout) by a man who referred to my friend as.....Billy Bardy....on account of his height....Al, hopefully you understood the reference this time if you were listening on the radio....and you don't look like that little bastard :)
Interesting Texts During Blackout:
Back to the game and our requested recipe for disaster:
We suggested an egg-white omelet (i.e. scramble Trent Edwards Brain again).....mmmm......the guy carved us to pieces like Cecil the Butcher!
Win the turnover battle...mmmm....lost that badly...0-3.
We'll point to one sequence in the beginning of the fourth quarter which best describes 2008:
1st Down--15 yrd completion to Vincent Jackson
1st Down--Run
2nd Down--Run
3rd Down--Run
4th Down--Punt
...and so it goes.
- Buffalo must have got hit with a lightning Bolt!
- How in 2008 does a fucking stadium have power issues? Is Buffalo in Russia?
- I blame George Bush for the power outage.
- ChargersaheadOOOOyea (very short lived sentiment)
- Disgusting (oh...that was at the end of the game)
- Bolt Fan in Donkey Land;
- No I'm not joking.......and stop calling me Shirley;
- Tortured Father......
- Bolt Fan in Donkey Land...again!
Back to the game and our requested recipe for disaster:
We suggested an egg-white omelet (i.e. scramble Trent Edwards Brain again).....mmmm......the guy carved us to pieces like Cecil the Butcher!
Win the turnover battle...mmmm....lost that badly...0-3.
We'll point to one sequence in the beginning of the fourth quarter which best describes 2008:
1st Down--15 yrd completion to Vincent Jackson
1st Down--Run
2nd Down--Run
3rd Down--Run
4th Down--Punt
...and so it goes.
We now fly to a part of the world that cannot comprehend why we play a game with our hands yet insist on calling it "FOOT"BALL. Do these sound like people who can be converted? Good move Goodell!
We have that London Debacle that awaits us and then two more trips to the EST, which obviously is an impossibility for us to win in. If the Broncos begin a free-fall we can catch 'em on December 27th and win the division at 8-8. Ahhhhh.....,the torture, that is being a San Diego Sports Fan......perhaps as a tortured group, the following should be our new blog logo:
We have that London Debacle that awaits us and then two more trips to the EST, which obviously is an impossibility for us to win in. If the Broncos begin a free-fall we can catch 'em on December 27th and win the division at 8-8. Ahhhhh.....,the torture, that is being a San Diego Sports Fan......perhaps as a tortured group, the following should be our new blog logo:
Either this, or we can just altogether begin blogging about politics, the 2008 Vote, and how, to paraphrase Tyler Durden:
"Obama and McCain are just polishing the brass on the Titanic...it's all goin' down man."
We applaud your efforts, "to get out the vote", Ms. Alba and we concur with the sentiment: Censorship Is Un-American!.....Only You can silence yourself!.......We Enjoy the photos, they are Very tasteful!
As currently constituted.....two choices aren't much more than one.
If you're disaffected with your lack of choice then you should still vote......as a MEASURE OF PROTEST! It's the Patriotic thing to do!
Speaking of Patriotism...or The Patriot Act anyway.......watching the Chargers is like being water-boarded each Sunday......we might have to focus on another avenue of torture.....The 2008 Election....arghh...it seems like an epoch gone past since the hoopla began......
Stay Tuned!
"Obama and McCain are just polishing the brass on the Titanic...it's all goin' down man."
We applaud your efforts, "to get out the vote", Ms. Alba and we concur with the sentiment: Censorship Is Un-American!.....Only You can silence yourself!.......We Enjoy the photos, they are Very tasteful!
As currently constituted.....two choices aren't much more than one.
If you're disaffected with your lack of choice then you should still vote......as a MEASURE OF PROTEST! It's the Patriotic thing to do!
Speaking of Patriotism...or The Patriot Act anyway.......watching the Chargers is like being water-boarded each Sunday......we might have to focus on another avenue of torture.....The 2008 Election....arghh...it seems like an epoch gone past since the hoopla began......
Stay Tuned!
From the Literal to the Figurative...
From last week's literal Killing of Bill:
To this week's much needed, figurative, killing of the the BILLS (tatanka):
The team from Orchard Park has the following:
We suggest the Egg-White omelet! Get after Trent Edwards and we should be o.k.. Easier said than done but we offer the following statistic:
The Chargers are 3rd in the league in Turnover differential (+4) and the Bills are approximately 27th (-4). We don't have time to break down film here, so we'll settle on that tidbit as turnovers are always a good indicator of who wins.
Come out strong with a Full Bucket of Passion, just like the Pats game! Attack through the air and get an early lead and we'll get the elusive Three Time Zone win. If we get down early we're FUCT!
The team from Orchard Park has the following:
- A nice little record (4-1)
- An O-Line that averages 332 lbs. per man and a good runner, Marshawn Lynch
- A quarterback whose brains were scrambled like egg-whites by the AZ Cardinals
- An injured DE and CB
- Four Big Ghosts that haunt their Stadium and City
We suggest the Egg-White omelet! Get after Trent Edwards and we should be o.k.. Easier said than done but we offer the following statistic:
The Chargers are 3rd in the league in Turnover differential (+4) and the Bills are approximately 27th (-4). We don't have time to break down film here, so we'll settle on that tidbit as turnovers are always a good indicator of who wins.
Come out strong with a Full Bucket of Passion, just like the Pats game! Attack through the air and get an early lead and we'll get the elusive Three Time Zone win. If we get down early we're FUCT!
Marshawn Lynch + Andre Giant type o-line = Long Day
Get the Fast start and we'll survive leg one of the Trip 'Round the World.
CHARGERS 29
BILLS 17
Get the Fast start and we'll survive leg one of the Trip 'Round the World.
CHARGERS 29
BILLS 17
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Express Yourself Through Haiku
Back on August 16th we were critical of Bill Belichick's plans to bring in aging safety John Lynch as a part of his new "Super Genius" position of Hybrid Linebacker ( a safety playing the position). We thought it was a bit arrogant and agreed with Colin Cowherd of ESPN Radio when he said that it was a clear example of BB buying into his own hype: the idea that he was so clever he could do anything!
The folly of the idea was proven when Lynch was continually exploited and ultimately cut from the roster. We mention it now for the following reason: our post elicited, of all things, haiku poems about John Lynch (see below).
Anonymous said...
Little Bill Slaughtered
Hasty decapitation
A lord of the Flies?
The Big Game: A Haiku
Genius Belichick
No Answer For The "Legend"
So Flows Our Rivers
Anonymous said...
- John Lynch: A Haiku
John lynch was Samson
breaking down men like pillars
The Pats cut his hair
My reaction: A Haiku
I cry a dry tear
a great hero has fallen
wicked retahdid
- We enjoyed the Haiku poetry so much that we thought all who attended the October 12th, 2008 game between the Chargers and Patriots should summarize their experience in the 5 syllable/7 syllable/5 syllable format. Encapsulate your experience in haiku....here's how we felt:
The Tailgate: A Haiku
Little Bill Slaughtered
Hasty decapitation
A lord of the Flies?
The Big Game: A Haiku
Genius Belichick
No Answer For The "Legend"
So Flows Our Rivers
Feel free to give a more detailed account of your experience by clicking on the comment link beneath the article.........haiku will save you time though!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
To The Next Level We Go
We knew that readership in Singapore was huge but now this. We've hit the big time with a veiled reference by XX1090 hosts Scott Kaplan and Billy Ray Smith. Let's not get too carried away. The reference was not by name and was more out of mock disgust and annoyance but hey....what do you expect?
Last week, we here at HATE, were working with XX1090 listener Zino on trying to come up with a good top ten list for why the Chargers' fans should be amped about playing the Patriots. It didn't quite work out though as the Chargers were defeated by the Phish so we went ahead and posted our own version of The Top Ten List last week.
Well, this morning marked the return of Zino's Top 10 (Top Ten Reasons the Chargers Creamed the Patriots) and before his well oiled and thickly accented recitation Zino mentioned that he had a fellow listener who collaborated with him (This Top 10 was all Zino by the way). We believe it went something like this:
Zino: "I had help from a listener....there's this guy who also has a blog and it's dedicated to hating the Patriots."
Scott: "Yea.....we know... there's a few of those out there."
BR: "Hmmm...yea we get his emails."
It was sheer annoyance coupled with disgust from Scott and BR. We also sensed additional indignation from the daily strafing of email reminders sent to their show to promote our drivel. That's what we took from it anyway....we laughed though....and so will you, as Zino has promised to email us the mp3 link of the radio bit. You'll have to be the judge.
Which brings us to the next order of business. Are we Charger fans or Patriot haters? While the two are not mutually exclusive it goes without saying that our allegiance is with the Chargers and tracking their season...not that of the Patriots.
The last three months have been part of a mass marketing campaign to hype the match-up, that was to be Three parts Vengeance (past 3 defeats) and One part History (ending the Pat's 23 game regular season winning streak). Unfortunately that recipe unraveled with the injury to Brady and the Charger's inauspicious start. But none the less, the game took on a whole new meaning when it looked as though our season was on the line especially when considering the arduous road journey in store for the Chargers over the next two weeks.
The blog is up and running and it was inspired by the Charger/Patriot match-up. It has a URL devoted to hating the Patriots but make no mistake about where our true passions emanate. We hate the Patriots but love American symbols of patriotism.
(Patriot fans just think that patriotism stems from following their team)
(Click above link for hottest exhibit of Patriotism ever)
We are , foremost, Charger and Padre fans who have been tortured through-out time. The torture has only become greater with the increased expectations of each professional club only to have those expectations collapse before us each season. Our expectation is that the torture will subside this year. The Chargers are alive and have a chance.........at immortality!
We must now champion the Patriots this coming Monday night....they get the Donkeys at Gillette Stadium in Foxborough, Mass....it hurts but we need a strong effort (Bill... feel free to borrow the Spycam off of our logo...get an edge).
(We will do a couple more things at the expense of the Patriots this week....such as "Express yourself through Haiku" and "Forum Crashing with Morons for Morons" then the focus of this blog will shift, primarily to the torture that is San Diego Fanhood.
It is a torture we embrace as nirvana is just around the Bodhi (Palm) Tree.
For those who have supported....CHEERS!
To those who have said, "Get a life!", we say,....."YOU FIRST!"
What are you doing spending your time reading retarded blogs like this anyway? That's like a Face Painter at a game calling a Body Painter, a LOSER! Pot meet kettle!)
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
A Patriotic Beatdown
(Picture Title: Brady and Moss/A Strained Relationship--we would say that his missus was upset about the abuse being heaped on them but she was jawing back....he on the other hand was....irritated. Good Sports all in all!)Where to begin after months of hype? We'll start with the thanks!
Chef and John: Awesome job with the pig.Tasted great and it was selfless of you guys to put in so much time so that others could enjoy.
Tyler: Setting up the bean-bag toss tournament was a good addition to the day. Not easy to defeat Professional drinking game specialists like TimA and Josh.....Good on ya for winning the Championship!
MBlue & RevJim: Well you know!
Alfred: TheRightHandMan
There are many angles we could take to the day but for the most part it seemed to be an example of life imitating art.....Cryptic, I know....not at all a good thing, but we will leave it at that.
When it's all said and done the Chargers needed to win and they did. They needed to win convincingly and they did. The fact that it was against the Patriots sweetened the deal to be sure but we will concede that week 5 wins are not the same as AFCCG wins. It was nice to see all of those New Englanders squirm out with their tails between their legs. With us we took only tales.
We think it would be worth posting a couple of comments, from before and after Charger/Patriot Game from a gentlemen who refers to himself as "Boston Irish". We know...we know....we hate to give credence to anything that a fan from that part of the country says but these comments truly illuminate the message we have been trying to propagate since January 14th, 2007.
THE MESSAGE: THEIR fans think they are BETTER than US! The Pundits say elitism is what cost John Kerry the '04 election....figures....he's from Massachusetts! Look at the comments and tell us if you think they don't reek of elitism and condescension.
Mr. Irish made those remarks before the game which we refuted in the "I am Jack's Smirking Revenge" comment section. We also asked that he return to "own" the comments if the Pats lost. He did the HONOR-able thing and returned (for some reason he insists on spelling honorable that way...we don't get the emphasis).
Boston Irish said...
-
Congrats- You beat us in a semi-meaningless game without Tom Brady, Lawrence Maroney and Ben Watson ...
Maybe some day you will beat our real team in a real playoff game that counts ... - Hmmm.....Ben Watson? Are you FUCKING SERIOUS? The first thing any Patriot fan worth his salt, will ever tell you, is that Charger Fan shouldn't make excuses for having LT, PR, and AG, injured during the AFC championship game last year. I agree that you don't make excuses about injuries--we liked our chances with Michael Turner in the back field and The Legend, Phillip Rivers at the helm.
- Mr. Irish disagrees because he's a crybaby. The whambulance is coming for you, guy... and all your fans who thought they could forget about the Pats for awhile and bask in the glory that is your Bahston Red Saux.....well that sun is setting and the Rays are risin'. They are embarrassing you at the Fens!
On to the longest road trip in the history of the NFL!
(And yes....those look like the worst seats EVER but there was one bright spot. There was a kid wearing a Rodney Harrison jersey and he was also sporting......a fedora! That made the seat worth it believe me/we/us! There couldn't have been a more abusive section in that stadium!)
Sunday, October 12, 2008
It Was A Good Death
It was a good death. Bill was slaughtered this morning and in the Christian and Buddhist traditions we have decided to eulogize him by offering prayers for the sustenance he will provide our people.
Bless us, O Lord,
and these Thy gifts,
which we are about to receive
from Thy bounty,
through Christ our Lord.
Amen.
This food is the gift of the whole universe -
the earth, the sky, and much hard work.
May we live in a way that makes us worthy to receive it.
May we transform our unskillful states of mind,
especially our greed.
May we take only foods that nourish us
and prevent illness.
We accept this food so that we may realise the path of practice.
-Thich Nhat Hanh
GO CHARGERS!!!!!!
(Sam the Butcher photo courtesy of HateThePatriots
field correspondent Mike Lookinland)
field correspondent Mike Lookinland)
Saturday, October 11, 2008
The Countdown will shortly read...0:00
The day will start at McGregor's at 9 am and then move on to the tailgate. We'll be in P3 having a good time. Stop on by.
The Series
The Chargers and Patriots have a long and storied history in both the regular season and the post-season. It goes back to 1963 when the Chargers defeated the Boston Patriots, 51-10, in the 1963 AFL Championship Game. Decades later it continued with the Chargers defeating the Pats in 2002 and again in 2005 during the regular season the year after New England won the Super Bowl. The latter, a 41-17 win in Foxboro in 2005, ended New England’s NFL-record 21-game home winning streak. All told, the Patriots lead the series, 20-14-2, and have won three in a row, including that 21-12 win in last year’s AFC title game.
(Series write-up courtesy of www.chargers.com)
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Dan Shaughnessy: "You Suck San Diego!"
I'm wicked bloated.....and red faced as all fockin' hell. Too many Irish Cahh Bahmbs after the clinchuh against those fruitcakes from Anaheim...or Los Angeles...where evuh.
I usually covuh the Red Saux but since we're playin' those queeuhs from San Diego this week I thought I'd recycle some old material from my best selling book, The Curse of the Bambino, to accurately convey what I, along with my fellow New Englanduhs, think of anything related to those powduh blue wearin' homos.
Allow me to quote myself, from my Pulitzuh award winning masterpiece of prose:
...ehem...ehem....
"Red Sox Fans care. That's what makes the Baseball saga irresistible and eternal. Other professional ball clubs fail to win championships, although none has teased like Boston's Olde Towne Team. There's nothing special about the annual flops of the Seattle Mariners and the San Diego Padres, because there is no baseball tradition in those towns and because nobody really cares. It's different with Boston and the Red Sox."
HTP: Hey....We thought that....
DS: Shut up queeuh! I'd be remiss if I did not also mention the following...ehem...
" New England was the first area of America that was truly "finished," so it follows that the oldest game should have the most appeal in this region. In Texas it's established that the only two sports are football and spring football.......and folks in California simply gravitate toward whichever team is currently winning."
HTP: Cut off that shanty Irishman's Aquafina and get him out of here!
Sorry folks we were led to believe that Mr. Shaughnessy was going to be doing a dissertation on the blogosphere, the decreased circulation of dailies and how hack writers, like HATETHEPATRIOTS, mutilate the English language on an hourly basis. We thought we might learn something, a writer's workshop of sorts, and then....booyahh.....ambushed by an Elitist writer from the Boston Globe!
The opinion of east coast writers, major sports networks and fans alike......You Suck San Diego! You're a Joke! (Don't Shoot the messenger because you don't like the message)
On October 12th at 5:15 pm you'll see a 70,000 strong frenzy of Avengers.....who are no joke! The calamity that was perpetrated by some New England Patriot players at the center of Jack Murphy Field on January 14th, 2007 will be avenged...in no uncertain terms.....it must be avenged.
addendum:
Regarding the most recent Adam "Pac Man" Jones incident we must weigh-in.......we weigh 245lbs (beefy) and it's only going to increase after we slit Bill B's throat Sunday morning and mao pig all day long in Section P3.....oh yah, PacMan's an idiot!
Chef..... could you bring the EVACUATION Powder mix for the following week...please.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Top Ten Reasons SD Should Be Going Crazy About The Patriots Coming To Town
This post was inspired by Zino's Top 10:
Top Ten Reasons:
San Diego Should Be Going Crazy
About The Patriots Coming To Town
10. We’ll get to hear even more audio clips on Scott and BR about Junior Seau being
a “backdoor man”!
9. There are so many New England transplants here you can taunt someone new at every
turn.
8. The constant and rolling rumble of 18-1 chants…….all night long on October 12th.
7. The bitter sting for Boston fans knowing that they knocked off the Angels but this
So Cal team helped start the Patriots downward spiral.
So Cal team helped start the Patriots downward spiral.
6. When Brady is doing interviews on the sideline we’ll get to hear that he’s filming the
sequel to ZOOLANDER in his spare time.
5. The number of asterisk posters this week will make you think that its 2007 and Barry
and the Giants are in town.
4. When Randy Moss finishes with 2 catches again….he’ll go to the Gaslamp and try to
hit a parking enforcement officer like he did in Minnesota…...
3. The settlement from Moss’ crime will help pay off the City of San Diego’s pension issues
for its employees.
2. Bill Belichick is a dick……..
And the #1 reason San Diego should be
Going Crazy about the Patriots coming to town…
Going Crazy about the Patriots coming to town…
1. Win or lose we won’t be warming up our cars and scraping the ice off of our
windshields this winter. SUCK IT BOSTON!!!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Pigs To The Slaughter...
Look Familiar? No, it's not something out of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It is a pig.
Hmmm..........
It is none other than little "Zoolander" from our August, 19th post... and sorry animal lovers....but he's in an entirely different state of being. He was much cuter, we assure you.
Back in August we talked of the two pigs we acquired from the San Diego Fair through a High School FFA program and how they were being groomed for a feast, come October 12th. Our "Patriot Pig" was (is) called Bill B. and the cute little fella was called Zoolander.
Little Zoolander's judgement (a.k.a Tom Brady) came the morning of the Raider game so that he could serve as a test run for Chef's Cajachina and let us tell ya.....it was phenomenal.
You are all in for a treat when we slaughter Bill B. on Sunday morning in preparation for the Charger tailgate party. Our butcher will carve him up in the early AM and Chef will take it from there. Not to be missed.
In other news:
In writing a response to the Al Davis Firing of Lane Kiffen we tried to accurately describe the disaster that emanates from the organization that claims to have a "Commitment to Excellence". It only took one phrase to do this. In listing their address we named it as 666 Dysfunction Junction. That was October 2nd. Now we won't lay any copyright on that phrase but we never hear anyone say it...ever.....
SO
....did anyone notice the front page of the UT Sports today? We're not sayin' Kevin Acee lifted anything from this blog but........well they do say "imitation is the most sincere form of flattery". It is however, a little difficult to hear the Chargers being compared to the Raiders in their shared dysfunction but "it is what it is"....to coin a phrase.
Mr. Acee--Keep readin' our Blog!
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Why would any team think that hiring Norv Turner - who never won anywhere was a good idea? At least Schottenheimer's teams looked ok until the playoffs. Or was hiring Norv HONOR-able?
I will take my evil genius and the associated baggage any day.
Also tt{sic} was fantastic for the Red Sox to humiliate a Southern California team yet again - following the Celtics plastering of the over-hyped Lakers and of course the Patriots annual playoff drubbing of the Chargers.