My Dean Spanos Experience; and the fear it instills

Relax Sir... I am a professional.

During the dying days of the Marty Schottenheimer Era I met Dean Spanos.

Well I didn't really meet him. I observed his behavior. I was like Jane Goodall and he was... well... he was still Dean Spanos. My analogy is neither here nor there; point being, I did not like what I saw.

During another life I wan an integral player in the seedy and corrupt world of valet parking. See this fella in the upper right? Not me, but it might as well have been. We parked the big boys and made money hand over fist creating illusions of scarcity for the unsuspecting masses. But that's not what this column is about.
(click "Read More" to continue)
I received a call one day from a secretary with the San Diego Chargers. She spoke of a Christmas party and a need for approximately 30 cars to be valet parked. This Chargers employee prepaid for the parking and informed me that she would pay any additional moneys exceeding the flat rate for 30 guests on the night of the party. This number could be as many as an additional 10 cars. This seemed like a small number to be attending a Christmas party but who was I to pretend to have intimate knowledge of the inner-workings at Murphy Canyon. I staffed the party for 60 cars to ensure smooth sailing and then called it a day.

When it was all said and done, valet stand closed, and the final keys surrendered to festive Chargers employees the night would be recalled as an unmitigated disaster. With an expectation of 30 cars and staffing for 60 the Chargers delivered over 130 cars into the belly of the Gaslamp District on that December night.

For over an hour, party goers sat in a mostly patient queue which extended out into the oncoming traffic of Fifth Avenue. My company looked bad and we felt even worse. While we hustled to get folks to their party, one thought made laps around my mind: how could a company as prominent as the San Diego Chargers misfire so badly on projections for a Holiday party? I continued to manage the snafu... and run my balls off.

A customer was trying to cut their way into the massive Saturday evening queue, and on any other night we probably would have solicited a "special" line-jumping fee, but this was not any other night. We were working a prepaid holiday party arrangement and there was a commitment to uphold. The customer sped off against the throng of oncoming one-way traffic.

The same customer looped around the block and once again tried to line-jump. This time, denial would not be a suitable response on our part. The guest found a small opening, nosed his Mercedes Benz into said opening, and effectively parked his car at a perpendicular angle to the sidewalk. He turned off his ignition, handed the keys to my ticket-man, said he needed to get to the party, and walked off. We parked the gentleman's car.

The gentleman in the Mercedes Benz was San Diego Chargers owner, Dean Spanos.

Holiday parties, in my estimation, serve no better purpose than to boost morale and say thank you; thank you for a year of work and a job well done. Dean Spanos disagreed. He showed up late to his own party. He cut in front of all who waited patiently in what had become a downtown disaster and then scurried off without any regard for those in his employ.

What would I have done? Glad you asked!

I would have announced to the lead valet who I was and my relevance to the party. I would have asked the valet to take my car first so I could stand curbside and greet all of my employees who were stuck in this unfortunate mess. I would have welcomed them. I would have thanked them. And after the last of the serpentine line had climbed from their vehicle I would have walked them to the Christmas party that I was hosting in their honor. That's leadership. Dean Spanos is not a leader.

I've often thought about that night when observing questionable actions on the part of the Chargers. Dean Spanos showed his colors to me on that one night several years ago.

Dean Spanos shows his colors when he chooses to low-ball a solid citizen and Pro Bowl Tackle in Marcus McNeill who had clearly outplayed his rookie contract.

Dean Spanos shows his colors when he spouts off his cockamamie nonsense to the Union Tribune... and because we know who Dean Spanos is I'm fairly certain that winning a Super Bowl in San Diego will be in spite of him.

But hey... the Cowboys won a Super Bowl in 1995 in spite of Barry Switzer's ineptitude... so we've got that going for us.

Happy New Year

Delusions de Dean Spanos

A quote from Chargers owner Dean Spanos in Nick Canepa's Monday UT column:

“I like A.J., even though he’s a bit goofy,” Spanos says. “I trust him. He’ll tell you he’s made mistakes. Who hasn’t? But he takes chances. Sometimes you lose the bet, but if you’re going to win a world championship, you’ve got to take chances. I learned that from my father in our business. A.J.’s committed 100 percent to this organization.

 Now that there have been close to a billion comments on Canepa's Monday morning column it may be too little too late to be taking the piss out of Dean Spanos and the above quote.

"Too little, too late" does not compute....I've never let being late to the party abbreviate my thoughts so here it goes...

God Help Us...and them.

Really? Really, Dean? You learned from your father, that in order to win championships, you have to take chances? Really, Dean? Are you even aware as to why this entire city has the worse case of blue balls in all of sports? It's because San Diego HAS NO CHAMPIONSHIPS!!! For f*ck's sake!
(click "Read More" to continue)

Reading that Canepa article only confirms that the Spanos family is completely out to lunch and has little clue about running a franchise. Is that being overstated? The Chargers have had a nice run since 2004 but that nice little run has occurred absent a Lombardi Trophy. Perhaps it's hyperbole to say Dean Spanos has zero clue how to run the franchise but Canepa's column is proof positive that if the Chargers win a championship it will likely be in spite of current ownership.

I feel an impending sense of doom as a Chargers fan. My brain tells me they are moving to Los Angeles, a locale which would prevent me from ever rooting for them. My heart tells me that even if the Chargers stay, the Spanos family will continue to fall short in bringing home the hardware. Furthermore, my own personal experience with meeting Dean Spanos tells me that we are doomed on all fronts.

Yes... I have a Dean Spanos story. Allow me to be your proxy in delivering a message of doom. This message however is for another post on another day (or maybe another hour).

Until then...

Vencie Sez: Merry Christmas (among other things)!

 It's been nearly a year....

 

AJM favorite, Vencie Glenn, joined Scott and BR for an emergency XX1090 broadcast Monday morning to help distraught, ledge straddling, fans cope with the disastrous loss in Cincinnati.

What did the hard nosed Glenn have to say? Let's get to it!

"Merry Christmas gentlemen."
What a pleasant and kind start, Mr Glenn! Merry Christmas to you! But we want some vitriol!
(click "Read More" to continue)

"At least 5 games they look like they didn't even show up this year."
That's about right I'd say. The one game I went to this year (against New England) they failed to show until the 4th quarter and it had nothing to do with the Pats. NE looked horrible as well.

"They did not show up as a team, as an organization, ready to play. They were all not on the same page."
No disagreement here. How can you fly back east the day before a game? Sacrificing holidays and time with the kids is part of the gig, no?

"Every streak ends. I don't care who you are. (audible laughter) If you think Philip Rivers is going to win all the time in December... you're crazy. If you think the Chargers are gonna always start slow and then win 12 in-a-row... you're crazy. It's not sport. It just doesn't happen. Everybody has a streak...Lance Armstrong. But they all end."
Way too much made about the "Norvember" business this year. All streaks come to an end. Even Matt Millen stopped drafting WRs in the 1st round of the NFL draft at some point!

"Watch the Chargers walk off the field. Watch em walk into the huddle. Watch em walk out of the huddle. They did it all game. And I said that's the trend of a team going through the motions out there. New England ran on and off the field. Ran in and out of the huddle."
Vencie was talking about watching the game against New England back in October... he noticed the big picture... a lackadaisical approach that would lead to an ultimate unraveling. I guess there's a difference between Norv Turner and Bill Belichick.

"I blame Eric Weddle"
Vencie blew Weddle the-f*ck-up during this portion of the interview. The blame stems from the play where Cason got burned for the long TD late in the game. Vencie argued that the Safety's roll is that of a QB on defense. Weddle should have noticed the personnel changes going on and got Cason ready for the play.

"Still, Cason's gotta get out there. Never turn your back on the Quarterback. That's like turning your back on a murderer (audible laughter)...man, he gonna kill you! Never turn your back on the QB. That's rule #1 in football as a defensive back. You always run out looking at the huddle."
Then he discussed Cason's role in the botched play. The entire interview is worth listening to just based on this quote. Vencie is hilarious in using his QB/Murderer analogy.

I've missed Vencie Glenn this year. It seems as though I always missed Football Night in San Diego on the nights he worked the panel. Oh well, next year. Listen to the whole interview; it's worth it.

I'm very close to putting this whole season behind me, accepting that the Chargers issues are systemic; starting at the top with Dean Spanos and trickling down through nearly everyone in the organization.

Bring on pitchers, catchers and the sporting doldrums of February... I'm done with football.

The Problem With San Diego

That last post was a downer. Let this post lift us up where we belong...

I bought some t-shirts a couple weeks ago from The Sacrifice Bunt. The Sacrifice Bunt is a good Padres blog that you should read. In addition to being a good Padres blog that you should read, The Sacrifice Bunt makes and sells T-shirts. T-Shirts with a message...

Just so we're clear... this is not a dish rag... it is merely a screen shot of the front of the T-Shirt.

Now don't go thinking you can make this on your own with your fancy-schmancy Hewlett Packard ink jet and some crappy iron-on insert sheets from Staples or the Office Depot*. Because if you did your shirt wouldn't have this...

...and then everyone would know you're a phony!

Anyways... these shirts were a big hit as Christmas gifts. One to my dad and one to my brother. My brother immediately took a picture of it and sent it to one of his friends... a friend from Boston... living in San Diego....you know the type, right?
(click "Read More" to continue)
The Problem With San Diego
San Diego, for the most part, is a city of transplanted residents (myself included). There is nothing wrong with this fact. San Diego is beautiful. Who wouldn't want to escape the eastern winter climes? I get why people move here... it's what the educated would refer to as obvious. 

My issue however is with those who move to San Diego and refuse to acknowledge it as their home. They bask in the winter warmth provided by a steady Mediterranean climate but at every turn fail to acknowledge that their paycheck is signed by an entity, here, in San Diego.

Good God, man... where is your bread buttered!?

These people had no issue with abandoning their families back east but to suggest that they shelve their Cubs/Red Sox/Yankees/(fill in the blank) cap in favor of one adorned with an SD is BLASPHEMOUS in the odd little world these state-traitors reside.

Fine, I say.

If you want to wear your Red Sox shit to a game being played between the San Diego Padres and the Philadelphia Phillies, I say fine.

I will be wearing my T-Shirt that, in a round-about-way, suggests you should go home and shovel the god damn snow out of your parents' driveway.

Viva San Diego!
//eating a carne asada burrito
//wearing a brown Padres hat
//thinking about the World Famous San Diego Zoo
//suggesting you should click the above link to get your Sac Bunt T-shirt

*The level of detail I have provided would seem to suggest that I tried to create a knock-off version of The Sacrifice Bunt's glorious creation. I did not... at least with this specific T-shirt, I did not.

Chargers Questions: my pessimism runneth over

A few weeks ago when the Chargers were hammering a Cassel-less Chiefs team I took little joy in the outcome. I'm a Chargers fan. I should have been happy. It was a minimal happiness at best.

Then the Chargers destroyed the 49ers. Ehh... that was pretty cool. More enjoyment out of this one but still not running on the euphoria that a winning fan should.


Is there a point to even watching if there is little joy derived from the winning?

The truth is, I'm enthralled with the whole, "Will-they-or-won't-they-leave-San Diego-for Los Angeles" Saga. Because my mind is focused on this chasm of despair, I fail at maximizing joy from Chargers wins.

As a fan, this is a terrible state of being.


Now that the Chargers' playoff hopes have been eliminated there are only three questions to ponder:

1. Will labor strife continue, resulting in an owner imposed NFL lockout in 2011?
2. Will Dean Spanos miraculously develop into a top tier executive rather than a silver-spoon-buffoon?
3. Will the Chargers affix the worst phrase found in the English lexicon (Los Angeles) to their uniforms and office letterheads in 2012?

I believe the answers to these questions are as follows:

1. YES and then NO. As fans, we'll lose something.
2. An unequivocal NO.
3. A devastating YES.

Put your face in your palm. Grab a fork. Devour my optimism.

Stuff the Padres and I have acquired this winter

This Padres off-season has been a winter roller coaster.

The euphoria of acquiring a high ceiling talent like Cameron Maybin diminished when Adrian Gonzalez, the talented anchor of the infield, was shipped off to Boston for unknown quantities in the form of prospects.

Not one of these players is ready to contribute to a team that won 90 games in 2010.

"Allegedly" players like Casey Kelly and Anthony Rizzo will arrive sooner than later... this is soothing.

While Hope for 2011 took a backseat to it's bastard cousin Despair something quite rare happened in the last few weeks... Hope returned! Yes, hope reemerged when Jed Hoyer went and grabbed Jason Bartlett and Orlando Hudson to shore up the middle infield while simultaneously bolstering the top of the line-up card.

Now the only question that remains; who will Jed plug into first base before Kyle Blanks (injury) or Anthony Rizzo (youth) become viable options?

Derek Lee? Adam LaRoche? Troy Glaus? Joe Randa*?

I don't know the answer. I can't even say which player I prefer.  I can only speak to that which I have knowledge... and that's the stuff that I picked up this winter. 

This post starts NOW!
(click "Read More" to continue)

In 2005 I turned on the television to watch 60 Minutes. A segment on American soccer goalkeeper Tim Howard would explore his trials and tribulations as an athlete (both with Manchester United and the US National Team) living with Tourette's Syndrome. It was interesting and touching and.... now to my point.

Tim Howard was wearing this San Diego Padres track jacket by Majestic during his interview with Steve Croft:

I know; it's awesome.

I probably should have been looking for a way to contribute to a TS foundation but I was too overwhelmed by that jacket. Like so many things that are AWESOME, it overtook my will and would consume nearly the next 6 years of my life.

I looked everywhere for this jacket----The MLB Shop/On-line stores/Craig's List/ E-Bay.

I searched them all, finding variations of what I desired, but never the exact retro-track jacket I saw that evening on 60 Minutes. I began to ask myself if the jacket even existed. Was this a memory conjured up out of thin air? I searched for 60 Minutes footage of the Tim Howard interview and it was edited... showing nothing Padres of the sort.

I'm from New Jersey... why on earth would I be wearing a brown Padres Track Jacket, you ass-hat?

Time passed and on occasion I would see a fan at the park adorned with my white whale. The image would leave me frozen unable to muster the nerve to ask where they had purchased such beatific brown. The resulting debilitation also kept me from an attempted assault and burglary. The latter effect of my paralysis proved fortuitous....

For, in late November of 2010 I found my white whale on E-Bay for an absurdly low price of $14.99.

I would not fall like Ahab... this jacket would be mine!

The Missus, having witnessed my pain over the years, gave the green-light for an early Christmas present so I bid. And then I waited. For four days.

Nearly a month has passed and if you've seen a guy wearing that jacket around town, it was probably me. I wear it all the time. Inexplicably, I wear my "Brown-Majestic-Faux-Retro-Circa 2005- Padres Track-Jacket" even on occasions where my dress attire suggests that it's DEFINITELY NOT a day to present myself casually. I don't care. I won't apologize.

Go Padres.

*At this URL,  every question has a bold and definitive answer... it is delivered in the form of the human known as Joe Randa.

I am at Disneyland... and so is the Gartrell Johnson T-Shirt!

I'm up early for day two of the Disneyland weekend extravaganza and as a creature of habit I am rolling into form.

The restaurant across from me is about to serve me my coffee.

My clothes, you ask? Well it's a Sunday.... the Chargers play this afternoon... and the streak is on the line.

I am adorned in a golden Gartrell Johnson T-Shirt. It is wrinkled. It does not look sharp but i ma respecting the streak. Gartrell is about to push this streak to 5 for our San Diego Chargers. You Better Recognize!*

Thoughts on Disneyland
Positives: The representation of the San Diego Chargers is astounding! Lightning Bolts everywhere!
Negatives: The representation of the San Francisco Giants is disgusting! Nothing like a World Series to bring out the bandwagon. I've never felt such neutrality in the wake of Raider, and Dodger fandom as I have this weekend. The ubiquitous Giant fan amazingly out does them all!


Well... off to meet Jasmine! I'll try and get a picture!


*By "You Better Recognize" I mean to say you should know that Gartrell plays for the Falcons.... I think... I just know it's not the Giants... and obviously not the Chargers.