Not Quite A Padre

This morning (Thursday) it was widely reported that former pitcher Hideki Irabu was found dead, the cause of death believed to be suicide. Irabu's career was largely unspectacular despite arriving to the United States amidst hype not seen before from a Japanese player.

Fans of the San Diego Padres during the latter half of the 1990s recall the arrival of Hideki Irabu from his Japanese team, the Chiba Lotte Marines. He is not remembered fondly.

After his purchase from Japan he refused to play for the San Diego Padres and forced a trade to the New York Yankees.* He didn't do a whole lot in New York and bounced around to a few teams before eventually calling it quits in the US.

But this is not a retrospective on the career of Hideki Irabu.

If I had said the name Hideki Irabu prior to this morning, as a Padre fan you would have likely scowled and uttered an unkind epithet or two. I would have done the same. It is my natural inclination towards any professional athlete who arrives on the scene making grandiose demands.

But to hear the name Hideki Irabu now, it is the name of a man who took his own life. Upon discovering this truth we are inclined to place him in the context in which we knew him: the Japanese pitcher who demanded his way out of San Diego.** We cursed him for it and then gladly accepted Ruben Rivera from the New York Yankees. We didn't need Hideki Irabu. The young Rivera was destined for greatness.***

I guess my point here is that it must be terribly unsettling to fail spectacularly... and for the world to bear witness. The world doesn't often forget such defeats of man. So when we hear the name of Hideki Irabu on a Thursday morning in July it is his failures that are used to place him in context. And then a split second later we hear the echo... that he took his own life. This is unfair.

I'll try to remember Hideki Irabu less as the villain who was not quite a Padre and more as the pitcher whose fastball left Nolan Ryan impressed. For those who knew Hideki Irabu on a personal level I'm sure there are many fine things that will be said of him.

*Hideki Irabu's decision to hold the Padres ransom was not without its benefits. In 1997 a young man would receive inspiration in the form of an Irabu-centric rant. It formed the foundation of Ducksnorts, the longest running San Diego Padres blog. Read what Geoff Young wrote back in September of 1997.

** Hideki Irabu was the first coming of Eli Manning.


*** $#%&!!!!!

Orlando Hudson Smiles While Singing Macy Gray's, "Beauty In The World"

 After the embarrassment that was Orlando Hudson's fielding gaffe on Tuesday night, coupled with his subsequent response, last evening presented Padres fans with yet another reason to be annoyed with the second baseman of 2011... and contractually speaking... 2012.

Allow me to set the scene:

The Padres are losing 4-3 in the bottom of the 9th to Arizona.

Orlando Hudson singles.

With two outs, our lil Buddy attempts to swipe second with rookie Luis Martinez at the plate.....

 Very nice! Orlando is SAFE. The Padres have the tying run in scoring position!

 A seasoned professional, Orlando Hudson asks the umpire for time so he can get Luke Yoder's dirt out of his jock.

What? He's out? Damn! This is a travesty! (my commentary but also Orlando Hudson' inner-monologue)

I would kick dirt on the umpire. But I'm an idiot, what do I know (rhetorical question)?

Orlando Hudson chooses the pragmatic approach: he smiles.

And when he begins to rise from the ashes, despite the scoreboard and the impending finality of another loss: he smiles.

Then Orlando stands before all in attendance. He takes "it" in: and he smiles.

With the scoreboard confirming that the play was not a hoax, Orlando Hudson again, smiles.

Then he switches angles ever so slightly so that those remaining fans above the 3rd base dugout can see his... smile.

 Ah, yes... you are correct. This IS the same picture as the last one. But I have a point I'm trying to prove here! Smile.

I understand that there are times when you smile at failure. When you know you've been had by the opposition or in this case, the umpire. But this sort of smile should accompany a player who's been had by a team like the 1984 Detroit Tigers who started the season 35-5...

"Aw crap.... the game just ended with me getting caught stealing... and on a bad call? Damn... I can't believe we aren't going to be 36-5. I say damn!"

The San Diego Padres are no where near the galaxy of 36-5. They are 45-60, Orlando. You are 15.5 games out of 1st place on July 28th... and you threw the ball into the stands the night BEFORE... and thought it was FUNNY. Think about it.

************

If you don't fully appreciate my screen grabs feel free to watch the play in its entirety right here.

Now is the time when we sing Macy Gray's Beauty in the World along with Orlando Hudson. Join us, won't you...

Orlando Hudson And I Know How To Laugh At Work

Last night was a weird game for the Padres.

I mean they lost, so in that sense it was fairly normal.

It was the Orlando Hudson blunder in the 6th inning however, that has kept fans discussing last night's near shutout at the hands of the D-Backs.

But was it the play itself or Hudson's comments after the game that have kept the play alive.

From the Union Tribune's Bill Center:

Hudson made a nice running catch for the second out. But as he kept running toward the foul line, he tossed the ball to the unidentified ball girl in front of the Arizona bullpen. The ballgirl did her job by tossing the ball to a fan.

However, the ball was still in play. And Chris Young was signaled home from third with the second run in the inning.

“It’s funny,” said Hudson of the play that was roundly booed. “It was just a mistake. I just lost track man ... you lose track of the outs. I’ll see it on replay later and laugh.”

People seem to be discouraged at the O-Dog's nonchalance but I'm here to tell you that his approach is the ONLY one to enlist while at work!

Allow me to recall an incident from my past...

 I once worked at a youth summer camp. As the youngsters arrived, part of my job entailed collecting their lunches and putting them into the refrigerator. I rarely did this. I mean the United States is a developed country, one in which nearly all food is chock full of preservatives. I didn't need a refrigerator for my own lunch as a kid and neither should they, right?

Unfortunately for me, there were a fair number of moms who decided to slather their children's sandwiches with mayonnaise, creating a problem of massive proportions when I failed to get the lunches chilled. Oops.

Here and there, due to warm summer days and spoiled mayo, I would have to tend to adolescents with explosive diarrhea.

Is is gross? Sure.  

Is it funny? Heck yea.

So you know what I did? I laughed. Just like the O-Dog.

When that kid sat on the toilet looking like Harry from Dumb and Dumber, all I could do was laugh. I laughed because mistakes happen. Kids with explosive diarrhea? It happens. I'd tell those kids to laugh it off! It was all I could do.

Of course, dealing with the moms who arrived during the late afternoon, only to see their child a pasty white while toting a plastic bag full of soiled clothes was the real challenge presented by my job. What did I tell them? I told them that this ain't no third world country. Kids don't die from diarrhea and dehydration in the U.S.A. Then I'd smile. And laugh. Because that's all you can do at your job.

Did it end there?

Of course not. That's when the mom would tell me that she once performed this job in High School and something like this NEVER happened when she was in the charge of children. Did you hear that? High School? If she was so good at that job in High School then why isn't she STILL doing it? It's simple... she wasn't good enough. And if you're not good enough you should shut your mouth and stop sending your kid to camp with mayonnaise on their sandwich!

I got your back, O-Dog. Go Padres!

Matt Cain And Dustin Mosely Are Like The Same

Well not really.

They do have one thing in common though. Their respective teams give them very little run support. Just look at that photoshop... it says it all right there.

Matt Cain seems to always pitch well against the Padres but with little reward for the effort. No decisions and losses always mount when pitted against San Diego. I'm glad it is this way.

I recall watching Cain dominate the Padres back in August of 2007 only to be chased by a Geoff Blum single and then a Rob Makowiak double* in the 8th inning of a shutout. Leaving with a 3-0 lead and runners on 2nd and 3rd, pinch hitter Scott Hairston promptly deposited a 3 run bomb off the Western Metal Building. It was awesome. Hairston would later hit a walk-off HR in the 10th to win it for the Padres. Scott Hairston was a great pick-up in 2007 and I'll always remember him fondly. I will also remember that Matt Cain ALWAYS gets dealt a bad hand against San Diego.

But just how bad...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

I	Year	W	L	W-L%	ERA	G	GF	CG	SHO	IP	H	R	ER	HR	BB	IBB	SO	HBP	WHIP
	2005	0	0		3.00	1	0	0	0	6.0	3	2	2	0	6	1	2	0	1.500
	2006	3	0	1.000	1.33	4	0	0	0	27.0	12	4	4	1	14	1	29	0	0.963
	2007	0	3	.000	2.41	6	0	0	0	41.0	24	13	11	5	10	0	42	1	0.829
	2008	0	2	.000	5.82	4	0	0	0	21.2	28	15	14	3	10	1	21	0	1.754
	2009	1	1	.500	2.84	3	0	0	0	12.2	19	4	4	0	1	0	12	1	1.579
	2010	1	3	.250	5.28	5	0	0	0	30.2	33	18	18	6	14	3	24	0	1.533
	2011	0	1	.000	6.43	1	0	0	0	7.0	7	5	5	0	1	0	6	0	1.143
	Career Total	5	10	.333	3.58	24	0	0	0	146.0	126	61	58	15	56	6	136	2	1.247

Provided by Baseball-Reference.com: View Original Table
Generated 7/17/2011.

After dominating the Padres in 2006 with a 3-0 record and a 1.33 ERA Matt Cain has gone 2-10 against the San Diego Padres while seeing peripheral stats like K/9 decrease and WHIP increase. I'm not saying he doesn't still dominate Padre hitters but since his early conquests he misses from time to time (think this year and the season ending series in 2010).

Matt Cain always has the ability to go out and shut a team down but something just doesn't click when he plays against the Padres. This is something I can live with.

Today it's Mat Latos versus Matt Cain. It should be a legitimate pitchers duel

* Rob Makowiak is one of my favorite July 31st pickups of all time. He was no Joe Randa... but who is? Kevin Towers gave up a player you've never heard of so don't feel too bad about the deal.

Vill Wenable iS A #%^$#* SPY!!!!!

I SEE WHAT'S goING ON WILFREDO. I AM NOT FOOLED YOU ARE A MOLE. YOU ARE A SPY. DON'T THINK I DON'T get it.

BECAUSE I MEMORIZED BASEBALL CARDS I KNOW SOMETHING THAT THE Other 10,032 PADRES FANS IN ATTENDANCE AT PETCO PARK (& AKA PAC BELL ,AT &T, MOBILE WIRELSS, VERIZON PARK SOUTH) TONIGHT DO NOT KNOWO..... I KNOW YOUR DAD WAS PLAYING FOR THE SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS WHEN YOU WERE BORN!!!! WILLL!!! YOU ARE FROM THE BAY AREA. YOU WANTED THEM TO WIN. LAST YEAR !!! TONIGHTT1!!! YOU SPY!

yoUR 1-4 TONIGHT WAS VErrrRY CLEVER. OH I'LL GET A HIT IN MY FIRsT AT-BAT AND THEN PEOPLE WILL NIT BE HIP TO mY COVERT AGENDA TO SABOTAGE THE PADRES ORGanizATION. GOOD THINKINGG! I'DEXPECT nothing LESS FROM SOMEONE WITH AN IVY LEGUEI EDUCATIONal.

BUT I'M SMART TOO. THIS ALL CAME TO ME AS I SAT BENEATH THE SCOREBOARD LISTENING TO GIANTS FANS YELL AND I FINISHED DRINKING THOSE GICANTIC CANNISTERS OF BEER...... I READ YOUR DAD'S TOPPS BASEBALL CARDS AND I KNOW. I KNOW!!! TREASONOUS SON OF A GIANT!

YOU NEED TO BE LIKE CRHIS DE NORFIA. START DIVING MORE YOU SPY!!

ACT II: F&^% you Vill Wenable

After the Padres ridiculous loss to the Dodgers on Friday night I posted a late evening tirade directed at Will Venable. On account of an all caps yelling concept and prose doused with Ballast Point's Sculpin IPA, 'twas a well received post. But what ensued on Twitter directly after the blog was posted may have been more entertaining (or so I'm told).

Without further ado allow me to present...

Late Evening Tweets About San Diego Padres Right Fielder Will Venable, a Player/Human I Really Don't Care For

 I think this comment verifies my position on the matter in a manner that is both clear and concise... if you can read jumbled letters and make inferences.

 Hey... that IS a catchy title.

 Crazy as evidenced by the keyboarding skills and timeline-bombing of my friends' Twitter Feeds. They barely knew what hit 'em...

 

 

 

I made my first attempt to lure North County Times beat writer Dan Hayes into the discussion. He did not bite.

 Luigi talks to all the players. Some may describe it as something other than talking. Either way I think that Luigi needs to talk to Will Venable. A lot.

 This was my second attempt to get Dan Hayes into the mix. He wasn't buying what I was selling. The true genius/idiocy(?)  of this tweet however is the Matt Stone & Tray Parker reference... base-ketball. Haha. I guess it's more of a David Zucker reference. I stand by my "haha".

 I needed to properly sell crazy and out of my mind... this may have been the clincher.

Well thank you, Dubs.

 Many people think that Frank Caliendo is the opposite of funny. When it comes to his Barkly impersonation I disagree. Unfortunately the funny gets lost in translation over Twitter... unless you're hammered... I think.

 God only knows what I'm referring to. I guess you could check the Twitter time-line...

 What the...

 This is where I yell at Luigi because he makes some crazy reference between AAA and MLB. Certainly crazier than anything I said that night.

Motown references are underrated and nearly non-existent on Twitter. The world should have thanked me for this one.

 Adrian Gonzalez? The last thing I wanted to see in the early AM hours of last Saturday was discussion about Adrian Gonzalez... especially how slow he is.

 I acknowledge my insanity. It should be noted that a tacit acknowledgment of insanity qualifies as sanity because those who are insane are oblivious to the condition to begin with... I learned that from watching Brad Pitt interact with Kevin Spacey in Seven.

 More accolades. Thanks for the Re-tweets. Couldn't have had so many people hating Will Venable with out them.

There is nothing more pretentious than Re-Tweeting people who are giving you direct compliments. Fortunately I can't be held accountable for anything during the that two hour window of time.

 I love Major League references. Who doesn't?

 More pretense. It should be noted that Mat Latos lost out on a no-decision and took the loss during the Friday night game in question. That's all I'm saying.

 A lesson for you youngsters out there: when someone says something you don't like, remind them of all the things you've EVER done for them... especially the drinks you have bought them.

 I was very upset that Baseball Reference did not compile the game-log in a timely fashion on Friday night. I think my threat was reasonable.

 Evidence of how litigious a society we live in or an attempt to channel my inner Jerky Boys.

 My third attempt to harangue Dan Hayes. #Fail

 I don't know what this means. Nor does it matter.

 Dos Equis is terrible beer. Yet they have a phenomenal advertising campaign with The Most Interesting Man In The World. It reminds me of another intelligent campaign for a crappy beer...

 This threat worked, kind of... I ended up with 3 followers by the next morning. I knew 2 1/2 was a pipe dream.

A valid question...

 More of a Tweet for Steve Jobs.

I was/am serious. I would wear a lucha libre mask. And a cape. And it would be brown. The cape, that is.

 Math Tweets are gold.

 The next morning went very well, thank you for asking.

 Are you listening, Friarhood Steve? This could fill quite a bit of air time. Let me know...

Using Twitter is for the purposes of providing commentary. I just gave you commentary on top of commentary. This post is not dissimilar to the box office hit, Inception.

F&^% you Vill Wenable

THE PADRES. THEY HAD THE BASESLOADED....


DISCLAIMER..... I JUST DRANK 17 BALLAST POINT SCULPIN IPA'''''S. DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH THAT ITS? AT 7.5 % ALCHOLOL PER PINT THAT'S LIKE 127% OR SOMETHING. I'M NOT SAYING I',M DRUNK.... JUST THAT I'M WILLING TO SPEAK FREELY. WILLL VENABLE...

I'VE HAD ENOUTGH OF WILL VENABLE. PEIPLE KEEP WANTING TO GIVE HIM A FREE PASS. OOOOOOH.... HIS DAD IS Max VENABLE. OOOOOOOOOH... HE'S A LATE BLooMER ON ACCOUNT OF BEING A BASKETBALL PLAYER. OOOOOOOOH... HE'S ARTICULATE AND sHIT. HE'S A GOOD F#67#ING INTERVIEW? F*uCK PRINCETON! LET'S GET REAL.

WITH THE BASES LOADED, WILL VENABLE AND ONE OUT WILFRED LOOKED AT 3 PITCHES. HE FOULED OFF TWO AND THEN ASWUNG AND A MISSED AT PITCH ####3. YOU RIDICULOUS JERK.

IT'S ONE THING IF YOU'RE NOT GOOD AT BASEBALL... WHICH YOY CERTAINLY ARE NOT... IT'S AnothER THING IF yOU'RE A DICK ON TOP OF IT ALL.... WHICH YOU CERTAINLY ARE. OHHHHHHHH.... I KNOW. YOU;RE A DiCK. EVRYONE RAVES ABOUT HOW NICE OF A GUY YOU ARE BUT I KNOW.... YOU'RE A REAL diCK. YOU ARE SO LICKY THAT BASEBALL REFERENCE DOESN'T HAVE THE GAME LOG FOR TONIGHT UP AND SHIT... I'M SURE THAT THE PADRES CHANCE OF TYING THE GAME WAS LIKE 107% WHEN YOU CAME TO BAT IN THE 9TH.... AND YOU blew IT!!!!!!!

YOU'RE ON NOTICE VENABLE. NO MORE FREE PASSES BECAUSE YOU'RE ARTICULATE AND SHIT!!!!