Charger Fans: Hope You're Feeling Better

The bye week is upon us and Charger fans are on the ledge, foot-a-danglin' and there may be only one thing that can return us from the brink.....making fun of others' misery. That's right! We will sink that low! Let's take the piss out of the Patriots! We'll start with their fans. Look at this clown:

Need more? Give this a go: from yesterday's edition of the Boston Globe:

FOXBOROUGH - Tom Brady said yesterday he wasn’t bothered by comments former teammate Rodney Harrison, now an NBC analyst, made about a pair of roughing-the-passer penalties Brady drew from the Baltimore Ravens.

In a halftime segment during Sunday night’s Steelers-Chargers game, Harrison took issue with a roughing-the-passer penalty against the Ravens’ Terrell Suggs, who was penalized after grazing Brady’s knee, and termed it a “horrible call.’’

Harrison added: “Tom Brady, if you’re listening, take off the skirt and put on some slacks. Toughen up.’’.........

Ha, Ha, Brady! Take your skirt off says old teammate Rodney Harrison. Even ex-teammates hate you. Loser!

Eh....who are we kidding? Rodney was just messing with his boy, clownin' around on Sunday Night Football. I missed it live, my head having been jammed into the freezer after the Bolts fell behind 21-0 so I kind of missed out on the context of Rodney's diatribe against BS calls that protect the QB.

So there's nothing positive to spin about the future of the Chargers, and speaking only for myself, I'm not too keen on having to support the Patriots against the Donkeys this weekend. These truths don't make me feel better nor should they assuage your pain. Maybe this can make us feel better:

Get 'Em While They're Hot; Gartrell Johnson Ringer T's

I was directed to a thread in the forum at Glorify The Past regarding Charger rookie RB Gartrell Johnson out of Colorado State. The thread provided a link to Gartrell Johnson's own website, to which I eagerly clicked.....

A bold move I thought.

GJ's a rookie and from everything I've heard and seen it is Michael Bennett that has looked very solid in camp and games this summer. So that puts Gartrell Johnson in the 4th position on the depth chart behind LT, .43 cent, and Michael Bennett.....and he has a website? Ah, the hubris of youth.

The best part of the site? It has a merchandise Shop; schwag up the wazoo, all from a rookie NFL running back drafted in the 4th round. I looked at some of his t-shirts and I came across a solid ringer T---gold with blue hoops---and knew it would be a solid purchase for either of the following two reasons:

1. If Gartrell makes the team; hey, look at my cool gold ringer T......you got one of these? It'd be like the start of a cult following for the dread-locked RB .
   
2. If Gartrell gets cut; hey, look at my cool gold ringer T.....you can't get one of these! In this event it would be me and a village of Guatemalan children spending their days alternating between the official Gartrell Johnson shirt and the New England Patriots 19-0 Super Bowl Champion T's.
   

Really, it's too cool not to own regardless of the reason.

Wow---hasn't made the team and he's already selling himself hard to the public. Hey Gartrell! I bought your T-shirt. Now go impress Norv.

Dear Patriot Tears: Zoolander, Ace Ventura, and Tom Brady

Came across this Tweet, saw that it was in regards to the QB known as Zoolander and decided a little research was in order. I had heard that Tom Brady was on the cover of Details so I figured this quote was from that feature and I could probably get the context as well as some images showcasing Blue Steel, Ferrari, and Le Tigre. I was right.

Back to the quote...

There's nothing wrong with not being artistic but where does the ability to read factor into right brain functioning? The act of reading itself does not constitute the act of creating, Tom. Additionally, how does a graduate of the University of Michigan not describe himself as a reader of some sort? Well I guess he's a reader he's just not a "great" reader. Surely the fine publication of Details will shed some light......uh-oh.....Le Tigre alert....

I don't think it's an act of jealousy or a case of hating on Tom Brady to suggest that these pictures are synonymous with the festive nature of Christmas (think about it). Where is this guy's head?

So the pictures are bad but what about the context of the original quote? Oh it's soooooo much worse! The author of the Boston Globe article describes Brady as being "downright philosophical" in the Detail's interview and I couldn't agree more. Brady's words and ideas were cloaked in existential reflection so much so that it brought Jean Paul Sartre's Being & Nothingness to mind. Taste for yourself: from the September issue of Details:

“Maybe my creativity comes out a little when I dress,’’ he says. “I’m not a very creative person, you know? I’m not really an art person. I’m not a great reader or writer or artist or musician. Hopefully I encourage my teammates, a little bit, to get their wives and girlfriends excited when they walk through the door.’’

You've got to be kidding me. Encouraging your teammates to get their wives excited when they walk through the door.....by inspiring style and fashion?

Not only do Brady's words conjure the ideas of Sartre and Kant but even more so the words of Ace Ventura:

Finkle&Einhorn, Finkle&Einhorne, Finkle&Einhorn,

Finkle is Einhorne, Einhorne is a Man!...
Oh my god...Einhorn is a man!!!!

Now say that real fast but substitute the names Brady/Zoolander/Woman.

(Go ahead and fast forward to 1:10----Knowledge of The Crying Game makes this scene infinitely more funny).

I think this scene, in some ways, encapsulates how I feel about Tom Brady. I suppose if he was winning San Diego Super Bowls I could live with his radical metro-sexuality but in the meantime I'll take Phillip Rivers and his conservative Alabama tendencies.

Go to the below article at the Boston Globe and read the comments, very entertaining.
Tom Brady's got a lot on his mind [Boston Globe]

Editor's Note:
If you want to berate me for being "jealous of Tom Brady's life" and for Actin' like a Hatin' Fool, I'll be the guy at the bar wearing a t-shirt, jeans, flip-flops and drinking a beer. I am not inspired by Tom's innate fashion sense.

Rodney Harrison Retires/David Tyree Still Holding Ball

From the UT's Kevin Acee:

Rodney Harrison made it official Wednesday, that 15 years as the one of the game's most ferocious and instinctive defenders was coming to an end.

“I am done, and I am very much so at peace with that,” the now-former strong safety said in a conference call with reporters. “Football has been good to me. I've worked hard; I've played hard. I've done some things that I never dreamt I could do, and now it's time to move forward to the next phase of my life.”

Charger's recall playing with- and against - Rodney Harrison ~by Kevin Acee

The current debate revolves around weather or not Rodney Harrison belongs in Canton now that he's called it a day and moved on to Sunday Night Football.

Does he? I'm not sure. There aren't too many safeties in the HOF and Rodney's hampered by his HGH
suspension, a reputation for dirty play, and legitimate arguments that he wasn't the best amongst his peers (Polamalu/Dawkins/Reed).

He does, however, have two Lombardi Trophies and that goes a long way in HOF voting.....look at the '70s Steelers.....isn't every player from those Steel City teams in the hall? He also has a lot of sacks and interceptions.....for a safety. Nor does it hurt to have the backing of some of the great coaches such as Shanahan/Gruden/Belichick....even if they are dick-heads.

I'll always remember Rodney's last season with the Chargers in 2002 when he had the opportunity to clean Jerry Rice's clock as he ran a crossing route into the end zone. Rodney had a big fine not too long before this particular play so the question was: Would he take the hit? Are you kidding? It's Rodney Harrison! He blew-Jerry-Rice-the-fuck-up!!! It was beautiful....but then he was fined a gazillion dollars.....and we stopped seeing him pull the trigger like we were used to each Sunday (we didn't get Monday Night games back then). From there on out the hits seemed to be more docile (if that's possible with RH) and then he became hampered with a groin injury which ultimately led to the Chargers releasing him. At least we held on to Marcellus Wiley.

Here's how UT readers are polling:

(Updated Poll-Friday June 5th---Results have changed big time! Approximately 2000 more people have voted since I initially posted UT poll results.....with smaller sample most voters were saying, 42%, that Rodney deserved the HOF and he would go in as a Charger. The worm has turned as it appears that nearly 40 % don't even think he's worthy----click poll for a less fuzzy view.)

I don't know.....if he does go into the Hall he won't be wearing Lightning Bolts. It'll be that other helmet he used to spear guys with, while winning two Trophies.

Either way I don't really care.....my only concern is that he was unable to make the play on the David Tyree jump ball. It led to a river of tears in Boston and that's all right with us. Not too many strings of numbers better than 18-1. What ever your thoughts on Rodney I think most would concede the following points:

1. You hated to play against the dirty bastard.
2. You wished the dirty bastard was on your team.
3. He sure was fun to watch play even when wearing that Pat's jersey.

Enjoy a little You Tube tribute where he unfortunately is seen in more than just Bolts......

Dear Patriot Tears

According to the Daily Mail, via the website FJuice (click for a great GIF of Gisele modeling/knocked up):

"Gisele Bundchen and her new husband Tom Brady haven’t wasted any time following their February wedding - the supermodel is reportedly already pregnant."

Dear Patriot Tears

You are screwed! Zoolander has had it easy so far because kiddo#1 is living on the West Coast with mommy far away from daddy. But I'm here to tell you that the record breaking offense of 2007 is a relic of the past. Henceforth, Tom Terrific will be operating on very little sleep during valuable game-planning preparations thus leading to extraordinary inefficiencies in their Death Star offense.

Those little rascals are demanding and tiring!!! Is Tom ready to redefine his existence as a human Kleenex...... a means to an end for an endlessly runny infant's nose during the bitter northeastern winter months? If so, New England, you're doomed!

Of course, Tom could become an absentee father, utilize their overflowing funds on a nanny....and be well rested for 2009......what say you, History?

Great Moments in Humanhood

What kind of draft analysis do you think this guy would provide. A great moment in fackin' Humanhood.

Southern California thrashes Boston College

The opportunity to remind Boston fan that they just got smacked by a team from California will not be passed up...

USC-72
BC -55

Meanwhile, our bracket came crashing back to Earth...after a 14/16 showing on Thursday, Friday gave us a dismal 10/16 for a 24pt first round showing. That puts us in OUR usual 1st round 22-25pt range.

All Final Four teams are alive but three wayward Sweet Sixteens were dismissed.....curse you Seminoles and Owls.....and the early loss of an Elite Eight-er is a gut-buster! Damn Huggins led Mountaineers!

The FSU/Wisconsin game was fantastic as was the Sienna/Ohio St. 2OT thriller....Kid from Sienna had ice in his veins sinking 3-balls multiple times as the clock ticked down (The World's Ombudsmen says he picked Sienna into the Final Four.....We picked Louisville to win it all....Sienna versus Louisville tomorrow....There can only be one!).

As this goes to post, Villanova looked fantastic this morning and Memphis is mopping the floor with Maryland....so we've got that going for us.

Side-note:
In 'Bracket Wars', The Collective is up by 5 points on President Barack Obama.

Another Edition of Hate-Email

More sharing out..... What do Patriot Fans do in their spare time? They seek the destruction of this blog and the positive affirmation that Boston is a great sports city and that we, lowly San Diego, are but peons in the universal sports landscape. The incursions into my email-box are ripe with elitism and condescension..... but all too entertaining. Perhaps if you, good reader, questioned why fans across the country dislike Boston supporters this email will provide clarity....at the minimum, it meets my daily posting goals....and provides for pictures of Celtic and Bruin Cheerleaders.

Tom's B.C. (A mutually agreed upon alias)
Hahahahaha SD is LOSERVILLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, i take that back, afterall you do have the Padres, BWWWAAAAAHHH LMFAO!!!!

Oh and yes SD did beat the Pats arses during an early season, regular season, with a not yet blossoming Matt Cassell... But don't worry, if we meet in a BIG reg season or god forbid the play-offs again the Pats will prevail, believe me it's very enjoyable watching the Pats end the whiniest, most overeated team in the league the SD DOLTS!!!!!!!!!!! BWWWWAAAAHHHHH LMFAO.

Boston = 31 World Championships

San Diego = O (hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha)

Plus, dude you can't even sell out playoff games out there, yu were in danger of blackout for your opener and your playoff games. THAT IS SO FUCKING LAME, GO AWAY D-BAG...{sic}

PS, no more replies from me, I dont lower myself to talk sports with anyone who follows a cities teams that have NEVER (or never will) win a single solitary champonship....

SAN DIEGO = 3RD RATE PRO SPORTS TOWN (TRANSLATION SD = IRRELEVANT){sic}

Avenger-In-Chief
Once again--I'm not going away---you came to me, clown.

We actually do have 1 championship...can you guess who it's against, smart guy? Here's how your email reads.....I'm a fan of Boston sports because they win championships (31). So will your loyalty cease the minute they stop winning? I'll stay with my two teams regardless of championships. ...and I'm glad you won't be replying anymore. You ARE a front runner!

Im answering against my better judgement, because your stupidity is to compelling to leave alone. Ok, WOW you really are a Dolt fan, one has never (qand will NEVER) won a world championship in ANY sport. You won an AFC championship against the Boston Patriots in like 63 or some shit, uhmmmmmmmm tht dont count dude, see there was another, bigger, better league playing at that time called the NFL and their champion is recogmized as the World champion, not the fledgeling AFC. So get your facts right, D-BAG. Also, Im not a fan because Boston has 31 World Championships, that just helps, I've been a Ptriots, Sox, B's and Celts fan since I was a kid, a loooooong time ago. See, we have passion here, unlike your irrelevant 3rd rate, bush league city that cant even (LMFO) sell out its home opener and playoff games in time. Go away Jagoff..{sic}

I knew you couldn't resist replying. You need to proof your emails and develop your reading comprehension skills. I never said anything about a "World" championship...I said championship....you know, the kind you brag about when you win your slow pitch softball league.

It should also be noted that if you're going to discount a championship from the sixties you'll be erasing a good part of Boston's "title town" legacy. The harsh and abrasive tone of your emails clarifies how extremely tough you are and I'm sure your co-workers cower in your wake as you return from an unacceptable 1 for 4 during the previous night's big softball game....having said that, I'm glad you have your championships...I think you need them more than I do.

Best of luck managing your passion and your overflowing mantle of trophies...front-runner.

Leave your opinions in the comment section...

Charger Girls...they are not.

This is the End: A Weekly Collective Round-up

[Heard on XX1090]

• Friday: Jordan Downtown was reading the NBA round-up and during the Houston Rockets game re-cap he refereed to the superb play of, "...the big Chinaman.", Yao Ming. We're pretty sure that phrase is a slur based on Walter Sobchak's analysis in the Big Lebowski (The preferred nomenclature is Asian-American/The Chinaman is not the Issue Donnie!)...in that sense it was funny......however, next time we should probably hear, "The big man out of China.", or some reasonable variation.

• Saturday: During a Spring training radio broadcast (Padres versus Royals) we were reminded of the stellar RBI, Run, Walk, HR, SLG, and OBP, that Brian Giles put up during the early part of the decade.....then Jerry Coleman remarked, "...as you get older, you just don't have as much 'juice' as you used to. Oh, I probably shouldn't use that word should I?". Nice save Colonel.
  

[The Legend of Cecilio Guante]

• This is old news but it was from this blog that we first heard of Heath Bell's Wii weight loss regimen. It is a Mets/Jets blog so the Scribe was critical of Bell as a former over weight player of theirs. We slowly heard more of the marvel that is the Wii, as a conditioning apparatus, and how Bell credited it with his increased fitness. Why is nobody asking how a professional athlete ballooned to 270lbs and needed a kids game to tell him he's fat? Our hopes are pinned to a guy who couldn't commit himself to getting out and running hills and doing foul pole circuits during a time when Trevor Hoffman was about to become a free agent? Bell will be fine as long as he doesn't try to strike everyone out...... and he chooses Metallica's For Whom The Bell Tolls for his entrance.....
  

[Luol' Dong]

• This Chicago based blog will help you end any internal theistic debate that burdens you by posting your choice of prophets......on the best T-Shirt ever made....we have chosen. Your turn...

[619 Sports]

• This new SD blog formed by some old SD voices covers important local sports including the likely #1 overall pick in this June's amateur MLB draft who happens to be pitching in our own backyard: SDSU's Stephen Strasburg. We should all get out to Montezuma Mesa while we can to see a polished amateur pitcher who pumps the gas at 100 MPH. You'll never hear him say, "F#$K East County...I'm Stephen 'F#$*in' Strasburg !" for two simple reasons: He's from Santee (West Hills HS) and he's not a moron. Get out and see him pitch.

[KC Star's Jason Whitlock]

• In addition to the Chiefs getting a proven GM (Scott Pioli0 from the Pats), a new coach with a solid offensive acumen (Todd Haley from the Cards), they've now added a QB (Cassel) and veteran leader LB (Vrabel) at minimal cost (2nd rounder). How much better did the AFC West just get?

[Denver Post]

• First the Broncos acquire an excellent leader and Safety in Brian Dawkins. Then Jay Cutler was mentioned as a possibility in a three way trade for Cassel and he's now "crying a river" upset. Then Brandon Marshall was arrested early this morning......Did the AFC West just ebb, yet again?

[SD Union Tribune]

• No word on LT yet. AJ Smith gave his State of the Chargers Address and he was critical of himself and some unnamed players whose play either slacked or suffered off the field problems......hmmm: Castillo, Wilhelm, Cromartie, Weddle, Jackson, Williams, to name a few. Which way will the next month and a half go?

We've also acquired, like a rash, a stalker/agitator. He goes by the name: Tom Brady's Illegitimate Child Loves His New Step-mom.....but we'll make it easy and just call him Tom's Bastard Child. This New England fan thinks little of us (San Diego Fans) and we've been sparring all week...here's a small sample of the retarded conversation that sports fans engage in...

...under the subject line: San Diego Doesn't Deserve a Pro Team

Tom's Bastard Child

Wow you're a loser. Look, win 31 World Championships or so, then come back and we'll talk. San Diego is a 3rd reate pro sports now and is completely irrelevant in the national sports scene. Your choking under achieving teams, most reent window has closed and the Dolts will go back to being cellar dwellers once again. The Chargers bite dude, face it the Patriots are a perrenial contender, the Chargers uhmm are a joke man...[sic]

Chief
You came to me guy so I don't Need to come back and talk to you. If you want 31 championships go talk to a New Yorker...they're your stepfather.

You write poorly but if I was left to infer what your gibberish is implying I guess I would have to agree with you that SD is fairly irrelevant on the National sports scene. Most everything west of the Mississippi is irrelevant in the eyes of the World Wide Leader.

I would also argue that the Chargers are perennial contenders....'04-'08 does constitute 5 seasons....and we destroyed your team this season. Would you have made the playoffs had you beat us?

Suck it guy!

Enlightening isn't it?

This is the end...

Shhhhhh.......we have a stalker.

Be careful....there's someone watching this site.....

a stalker/agitator/penis/Patriots Fan

.....he thinks you are all a bunch of powder blue wearing homos....ooops, sorry,

" Yar a bunch of powdahh blue wearin' queahhs,"

shhhhhh.....be careful!

Editor's Note:
The Michael Jackson/Rockwell versions were disabled...sorry.

Dear Patriot Tears #33

Giants 17
Patriots 14

February 6th, 2008

Dear Patriot Tears,

We hope tonight rekindled that warm fuzzy feeling that overcame you on the first Sunday of February last year.

Bill should have worn the gray hoodie....never fuck with a winning combination.

Dear Patriot Tears #32

"NFL hosed the Pats again. Once the NFL switched the Jets game out of the 1pm time slot the Pats were done. The Jets (and their fans) knew they had no chance to make the playoffs by halftime due to the blowout in Baltimore. All three of those games should have been played at the same time. Favre is a stiff and a fraud. If he just retired this past offseason, Dolphins would have had 5 wins and Mangini would have led the Jets to the same 9-7 record."

Posted by K-man December 28, 08 08:01 PM

Dear Patriot Tears,

That was kind of BS to switch the starting times of those games, and we also feel the need to shed a tear over this one. If the Pats would have won the AFC East we would have been assured of playing the Patriots during the 2009 regular season but we now get the Fins instead. We live for the opportunity to beat the Patriots and hear the sweet cries of New England fan but it wasn't to be........so we'll instead have to settle for a pretty nice consolation prize: the incessant moans of a team who was edged out of the 2008 playoffs. To the observant fan, Jet and Favre cries are always accompanied by those sirens we know as....the Pussycat Dolls. Enjoy...

Dear Patriot Tears #31

"Oh well if Jabar catches that ball in Indy, different story."

Posted by mike December 28, 08 07:53 PM

Dear Patriot Tears,

Speaking of different stories...if that 8-8 team out of San Diego doesn't crush you 30-10 then you really have no problem making it to the playoffs.

Also if Jabar Gafney doesn't make that great catch last season to beat the Ravens then you wouldn't have finished the 2007 regular season 16-0.....of course a loss may have taken the pressure off of your team and the Super Bowl may have had a different outcome....so Gafney has fucked you in consecutive seasons? Nice...

Dear Patriot Tears #30

"Even until the end of the game after Favre had single handedly lost the game, Sims was still singing his praises....What is the media's deal with this guy? Was he not watching the same game? Most overrated athlete in sports."

Posted by Favre is a fraud December 28, 08 07:52 PM

Dear Patriot Tears,

Great screen name. We'll agree with Brett Favre being overrated and then thank you for continuing to cry about how he cost you a playoff spot and how your 30-10 loss to the Chargers had nothing to do with it. Jets...Favre...Pussycat Dolls...a winning combination-well at least the Pussycat Dolls are.

Dear Patriot Tears #29

"Brett Farve sucks. Always has, except for his first year in 87 when he beat the pats. He's not a gamer. He always throws interceptions in important games. He always tries to force the ball. He has no brain. No smarts for the game. He's not a "Wrangler" guy. He's a dickhead in real life. Why people have loved this guy is a complete mystery to me. I hope he never gets in the hall of fame. Brett is a loser forever and a disgrace to football. A disgrace to the Jets. A disgrace to the Green Bay Packers and a did I mention a dick head in real life? Stuck up ass."

Posted by TJ December 28, 08 07:48 PM

Dear Patriot Tears

Oh, where to begin, TJ:

• Favre beat the Pats in the Superbowl XXXI....played in '97 not '87.
• It was not Brett Favre's first season.
• Merriam-Webster Definition of 'Gamer'--Someone who plays in spite of injuries.
  
• "He's not a 'Wrangler' guy. He's a dickhead....." Doesn't wearing Wranglers make you a dickhead?
• You'll be wasting your time hoping Favre misses out on the Hall of Fame....of course I hoped a lot during Christmas of '85 and a Skateboard miraculously showed up....heck, give it a go!
• Yes. You did mention he was a dickhead in real life....
• Did we mention that Jets/Favre tears = Pussycat Dolls?

Dear Patriot Tears #28/Great Moments in Super Bowl History Edition

Dear Patriot Tears,

Yea, so the anniversary of this Super Bowl Loss was yesterday but we didn't want to pile on. It was a crappy game. Go Desmond Howard...

Dear Patriot Tears #27/ Great Moments in Super Bowl History Edition

Dear Patriot Tears

On January 26th, 1986 The Monsters of the Midway defeated a cute little upstart team from Massachusetts 46-10. The game was not that close.

Dear Patriot Tears #26

"Hell of a year ,thanks for the memories Great Job Men ! Hey you cant be that bummed out look at the big picture. the greatest sports city around bar nun ! GO BRUINS, CELTICS !!!!!!!"

Posted by m.mc. December 28, 08 07:47 PM

Dear Patriot Tears,

Yer the greatest city, blah, blah, blah.

FYI-When you posted this tear back on 12/28 the Celtics were coming off of a Christmas Day loss to the Los Angeles Lakers...we believe it was only the Celtics third loss of the year. How many losses do you have today (and were you following the Celts before the 2008 revival?)?

The Bruins haven't done a thing in years......but here they are in 1st place......and Boston's following them again.

You are a GREAT baseball city but bandwagon for the rest of the sports!

Do the Bruins have a dance squad?

Dear Patriot Tears #25

"Brett, throw and pray, Favre, strikes again."

Posted by -nyys December 28, 08 07:47 PM

Dear Patriot Tears,

More Favre.......wash away your tears with the lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls.

Remember, Patriot Fan....every time you cry about Favre and the Jets you get the Pussycat Dolls. Consoling aren't they?

Dear Patriot Tears #24

It's all right...I fackin' pissed myself to keep wahhm.

Dear Patriot Tears

How about some tears regarding the Cardinals entry into the Superbowl? A brilliant parody of your fan base exists with regularity over at the Kissing Suzy Kolber site. Click Here to go and READ most accurately what a Boston accent SOUNDS like and also how moronic a majority of their sports nation is.

It is seriously one of the funniest things you will read....

Most funny if you have ever seen a game in Foxborough, Massachusetts.

Least funny if you are from Massachusetts and are not a dickhead ..... like the ones we met in Foxborough, Massachusetts.

This does not include my good friend from Boston who we creatively nicknamed "Boston" back during the season they eventually lost to the Packers in the Super Bowl.

Enjoy the Idiot Patriot Fan creation of Drew Magrary @ KSK...