The Philip Rivers Commemorative Coin

The football/humor site, Kissing Suzy Kolber, generally makes a living off of taking the piss out of a good many players in the NFL..........Philip Rivers is no exception to their scorn.

Each Tuesday they take photos from the previous weekend of football delight and add captions. While Philip usually takes a beating at the site this photoshop was outstanding!!!

Go to Kissing Suzy Kolber's LOLNFL: Week 12 for more hilarity.

Christmas Ape of D.C. Steeler Nation Weighs in on Sunday Night's Battle

D.C. Steeler Nation and Kissing Suzy Kolber blogger/author/teller of dick jokes, Christmas Ape, kindly agreed to exchange scouting reports and insights with AJM.

The theme of the exchange was to provide optimism for the opposition---Steelers are 1-2---Chargers never win regular season games in the 'Burgh---optimism is in high demand for each side. For my bit of Bolt pessimism/Steeler optimism, click here. As for the Steeler perspective; let the good feelings commence......

As long as the Chargers are in it going into the 4th quarter, you'll have many a worried Stiller fan being shown during crowd shots at Heinz Field Sunday night.

Pittsburgh has somehow essentially reversed its M.O. from last year. Whereas then they didn't do anything offensively until they absolutely had to - and fortunately did - this year, they're storming hard out of the gate in every game and fizzling down the stretch. Which would be okay if they built up a commanding enough lead, but they've allowed teams to hang around enough that it's come back to bite them in the ass the past two weeks.

Willie Parker would probably be thrilled to see San Diego if he weren't nursing the latest in what has been a series of iffy injuries this season. The guy suddenly revealed that he'd been dealing with a tweaked hammy after doing nothing against the Titans in Week 1, which smacked of an excuse more than anything. The Bolts, after all, were the last team he went over 100 yards against, even if that was last January. So Rashard Mendenhall should probably get a majority of the touches, which isn't the worst thing for the Steelers, because he's actually looked pretty good when he hasn't run into Roethlisberger on hand-offs. He and Mewelde Moore can also actually catch passes out of the backfield and occasional block, so having them out there doesn't telegraph to the defense what they're hoping to do.

For as much criticism as the Steelers O-line gets, it's actually been halfway good in terms of pass blocking. It's when they try running the ball when everything falls apart. Then again, that was the case last year as well, and the team managed against San Diego in the two meetings. So I guess the Steelers have reason to be optimistic in that regard.

Where the Chargers can feel good: hey, remember Santonio Holmes? The guy who broke that punt return TD in the playoffs against you guys and generally had an amazing postseason? Well, he had a great game against the Titans and then suddenly reverted to the mental-lapse prone guy who irritated all the team's fans for a good share of last season. Last week, he didn't recognize a hot read, which resulted in a pick-six for the Bengals. The week before, he dropped four passes, including what would have been a game-winning touchdown. Thankfully, we won't even have to get into Limas Sweed, because he got buried beneath Shaun McDonald on the depth chart.

More good news! The Steelers pass rush has been mostly nonexistent. They haven't registered more than two sacks in any of their games in 2009. This is partly due to the fact that this season, teams are closely following a blueprint that calls for quick timing patterns to offset the pass rush. This won't get you many big plays, but will allow you to peel off some long sustained drives and wear down the Steelers defense late in the game, as the Bears and Bengals have the previous two weeks. Also, the this strategy doesn't lead to many turnovers, evidenced by the fact that the Steelers defense hasn't forced any since the two in the Titans game.

Also, the absence of Polamalu, as you might expect, has made a lot of Dick LeBeau's blitzing schemes very vanilla and easy to recognize. And a quarterback of Rivers caliber should be able to easily take advantage unless the Steelers try some more daring things this week. The Chargers have a definite size advantage with their tall receivers vis-a-vis a corner like William Gay, so I'd imagine Rivers will try to float a few jump balls, which wouldn't be the worst strategy in the world.

The Steelers special teams, other than Jeff Reed's recent transformation into Shaun Suisham, have been a bright spot. They actually have a returner capable of bringing the ball out past the 30. And their punting is much improved by dint of no longer having to call Mitch Berger onto the field on 4th down.

So honestly, I'm not sure what to expect. The past two games have been deflating losses, but they've been on the road to what you could describe as at least respectable teams (okay, Cincy might still be unproven this year, but they beat a solid Green Bay team). The fact that this is a definite must-win game at home gives me faith that the Steelers will lay it all out there, but the Chargers certainly have enough ability to steal another away.

For the contribution and insights, cheers, Ape.

Pick up a copy of Ape's book (aka Mike Tunison) : The Football Fan's Manifesto

I tried to pick it up at Borders back in August but it wasn't in stock so I settled on The Blind Side by Michael Lewis, about Ravens tackle Michael Oher. So what I'm saying is that I don't have it BUT IF YOU ALL buy enough copies maybe he'll send me one, gratis (although it's now highly unlikely with the revelation that I bought a book about a guy who plays for the Baltimore Ravens).

Brett Favre: Rational Viking Fan View

This is an excerpt from Big Daddy Drew's post over at Kissing Suzy Kolber. He is a Viking Fan.....guess what kind?

"......That was fun. And I’m crazy excited for the press conference later today, when he explains that he changed his mind when really, he didn’t want to bother to do things like get into shape or learn the playbook. BUT THAT’S BRETT FAVRE FOR YOU. HE JUST LOVES THE GAME TOO DAMN MUCH.

YOU MASSIVE SHITBURGLAR. NOW I HAVE TO SPEND A WHOLE GODDAMN YEAR PRETENDING TO WISH YOU WELL WHEN, IN FACT, I HOPE YOU FALL OFF YOUR PORCH AND HAVE YOUR THROAT SLASHED BY A BEER BOTTLE. I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU FUCK." [Read More]

I encourage you to click the link.....it get's better.

Friends Look Out For Friends

Each one of us has a fanaticism for our respective team and it spans a most diverse Arc....you have your casual viewers and your Authentic Jersey Purchasers....there's those who comment on UT articles and sports blogs and those who queue up to say their piece on the radio....and let us not forget the face and body painters who I find myself guilty of sitting in judgement of from time to time.

I'd be remiss if I did not mention those who actually run their own blogs...those people are complete freaks!

We ALL give a crap to varying extents and none of us should judge one another as to the quirkiness of our fanaticism....unless you are this Giants fan below. The previous post provided a link to Kissing Suzy Kolber where the fan footage was initially found....it must be preserved for posterity here at The "WHTNEP" San Diego Sports Fan Collective...

Friends Look out For Friends so please kick me in the balls if you ever see ANYTHING close to that guy's behavior out of me. I in turn will kick you in the balls and give you a flying knee to the chin as you keel over in pain....

fanatic |fəˈnatik|
noun
a person filled with excessive and single-minded zeal, esp. for an extreme religious or political cause. See note at zealot .
• [often with adj. ] informal a person with an obsessive interest in and enthusiasm for something, esp. an activity : a fitness fanatic.
adjective [ attrib. ]
filled with or expressing excessive zeal : his fanatic energy.

DERIVATIVES
fanaticism |fəˈnatəˌsizəm| |fəˈnødəˈsɪzəm| |-tɪsɪz(ə)m| noun
fanaticize |fəˈnatəˌsīz| |fəˈnødəˈsaɪz| |-tɪsʌɪz| verb

ORIGIN mid 16th cent. (as an adjective): from French fanatique or Latin fanaticus ‘of a temple, inspired by a god,’ from fanum ‘temple.’ The adjective originally described behavior or speech that might result from possession by a god or demon, hence the earliest sense of the noun [a religious maniac] (mid 17th cent.).

Excessive fanaticism should be met with a swift kick in the nutz! Nothing better than a little perspective provided by one of the most viewed YouTube videos out there...

Dear Patriot Tears #24

It's all right...I fackin' pissed myself to keep wahhm.

Dear Patriot Tears

How about some tears regarding the Cardinals entry into the Superbowl? A brilliant parody of your fan base exists with regularity over at the Kissing Suzy Kolber site. Click Here to go and READ most accurately what a Boston accent SOUNDS like and also how moronic a majority of their sports nation is.

It is seriously one of the funniest things you will read....

Most funny if you have ever seen a game in Foxborough, Massachusetts.

Least funny if you are from Massachusetts and are not a dickhead ..... like the ones we met in Foxborough, Massachusetts.

This does not include my good friend from Boston who we creatively nicknamed "Boston" back during the season they eventually lost to the Packers in the Super Bowl.

Enjoy the Idiot Patriot Fan creation of Drew Magrary @ KSK...

Hapless Raiders, Almost Massholes, and Tom Brady

We recognized Patriot QB Matt Cassel as our Almost Masshole of the Week yesterday for his 4 touchdown performance against the *Hapless Raiders after his father had passed away earlier in the week. It feels as though we would be "cheating" on Tom Brady however if we didn't in some way mention him today.

It must be stressed, that in no way do we feel that Zoolander is a "System Quarterback", due to the sustained success Matt Cassel has experienced with the New England Patriots this season.... immense success after not having started a game since the days when he would have (or might have) funneled six beers and then gone to the local Denny's where he would have proceeded to projectile vomit blueberry milkshakes on to unsuspecting underclassmen.....we call those days high school (by "we", we mean, "we").

Tom Brady is probably not a System Quarterback....which brings us to......a thought on Tom Brady.

Pouting or Blue Steel?

We saw this picture of Tom Terrific while reading a very funny "alleged diatribe" by him against Matt Cassel (Click for funniness).

Now while the piece over at Kissing Suzy Kolber was very funny we like to use those sort of things as "springboards" to new avenues of thinking....some people call that "thinking outside the box"....we call it "a waste of time" and being "overly critical" but in the end "very funny" and an ample excuse to use "quotation marks". Our critique.....

We've never seen an athlete's eye black so perfectly drawn beneath the eyes.

It was done so perfectly it got us to thinking...was it put on by a woman? Like a supermodel girlfriend? Then we thought, wait a minute, it looks just like the woman in the restroom for the State Farm Insurance commercial, Feeling Kinda Sunday, who uses the mascara to apply the athletic eye black...so we went and found a picture! Guess what we found...

sorry it's not on straight...I'm not a really, really, really, ridiculously, good looking male model

...aside from the fact that she would look much hotter without bangs (is that a Metro evaluation?), she did a pretty acceptable job with the ol' black stuff. And by acceptable we mean to say that it looks like a MAN PUT IT ON!

As it pertains to Tom Brady: he is an even bigger Metro than we thought or Giselle does his make-up in the locker room. Either scenario spells f-r-u-i-t-l-o-o-p or in the Northeastern vernacular of Bahston, Mass......yah ah fahkin homo queuhh.

Allow us to give a tutorial on how not to look like Tom Brady.....

show 'em your warface

If you choose to actually take time during application try to look menacing...

I am going to kill you...seriously...

If at any time you are accused of committing murder....well then you can wear your eye black any way you fuckin' please!

Tom Brady is a douche bag.

*From hence forward we will refer to the Oakland Raiders as The Hapless Raiders. I was reading a book that described the Tampa Bay Devil Rays as The Hapless Devil Rays back in 2004 on account of their suckitude (a high aptitude for sucking) so it seems appropriate to attach that moniker to the team from Oakland because they are a real embarrassment. Oh yea...the book was Faithful by Stephen King....about the 2004 Boston Red Sox....Maybe Stephen King should have been our Almost Masshole of the Week for helping us with a new name for the Oakland Raiders (technically King is from Maine but since the Red Sox and Patriots reside in MA but are claimed by all New Englanders....he's a Masshole).