A Universal Distress Signal For Padres Fans

As I waded through the crowds during Spring Training I had a thought. I've found thoughts to be a dangerous thing. If I'm left to my own devices and given moments for revery I tend to fixate on those thoughts. Ultimately I have no choice but to write about them in an effort to purge myself of the erratic nonsense pinging around the tin-can that is my mind.

Having said that, this is my thought on a method for Padres fans to signal distress during the most dire of times . . .

Crowds can be distressing but this is not about crowds per se. It is about the accompanying diversity of baseball fans that is found within the crowd.

During Spring Training these crowds descended upon the greater Phoenix area and provided me with a sense of dis-ease. It was Spring Training for God's sake, and for the most part I felt great! There I was amongst friends, under a near perfect sky, and with the return of baseball imminent, I felt . . . distressed.

Sometimes we see our nation's flag flown upside down from individuals who are protesting a perceived injustice. To fly a flag upside down however is formally meant as a military distress signal.

On account of the San Francisco Giants fans tramping around Peoria, still adorned in 2010 World Series gear during the year 2012, and as a fan of the San Diego Padres, I felt there needed to be some sort of distress signal for our ilk.

One can only bear so many reminders of how the team you support (the Padres) collapsed to a divisional rival (the Giants) and then that miserable rival went on to win a championship (f&*k!). The new jerseys with World Series patches, and the hats with . . . trophies, I guess . . . they're distressing to say the least.

As fans of the Padres we need advance warning that these types are permeating an area so we can take proper action. Whether it involves leaving the area all together or simply staring at the ground as you meander through the crowd, a distress signal must be provided for no other reason than to quell an overactive imagination (see: me).

I present to Padres fans a Universal Distress Signal:

I don't know how this will work. Feel free to run with it though -- T-shirts, flags, banners -- knock yourself out.

Crap, this is a terrible idea. Look,  I just don't want to see this phallic trophies anymore . . . is that so wrong?

Spring Training 2012 and The Quest For Absolution

Just over a week ago, Ducksnorts, SDPads1, the Driver and myself set off to Peoria, Arizona to see the first games of spring. The pilgrimage to Arizona, for many, is a fan's rite of passage -- the opportunity to watch the youngsters, the up-and-comers, the new arrivals, and the veterans who have surely turned the corner during the off-season and are now ready to make the most significant of contributions.

While our attendance in Arizona was predicated on the ideals stated above it was rooted in something far deeper and meaningful. While we did not know it at the time this trip was about absolution.

Hunter S. Thompson once wrote, "If there is, in fact, a Heaven and a Hell, all we know for sure is that Hell will be a viciously overcrowded version of Phoenix."

On a Saturday morning in late February we descended into hell . . .



After stopping in Yuma for breakfast and picking up a relic to protect us on our journeys we carried on to Spring Training 2012. As we made our way to the greater-Phoenix area we plotted our afternoon. The Padres were not scheduled to open their season until Sunday when they would meet the loathsome Mariners in the annual charity game between the Peoria Sports Complex roommates. We needed to find a game to watch for that Saturday.

As we looked through the schedule we determined that we wanted to see the much-ballyhooed Salt River Fields at Talking Stick where the Rockies and D-Backs play. Fortuitously, the game at Talking Stick was sold-out and with Stub Hub prices far out of our reach we turned our attention to catching a Giants game. Alas, the team from San Francisco had also sold-out. Ultimately, circumstances led us to Goodyear, Arizona where we would see the opener between the Cleveland Indians and the Cincinnati Reds. It was our fate.

We walked through the gate and sought refuge in Colorado's Fat Tire Ale as we would for the better part of the weekend. With beers in hand we parked-up at a convenient patio located in left field and we began to nourish ourselves. The time had come to confront the sins of our Padres past.

With steely resolve we looked on as the Reds took the field. Before our eyes the new left fielder for Cincinnati dug his cleats into the turf and settled himself for the first pitches of spring. We had traversed this great distance and had found ourselves with a view that had grown so familiar over the previous 18 months -- it was Ryan Ludwick.

~To be continued

Padres, Dead Kennedys, and A Holiday In Peoria

After a short drive I tried to piece together my upcoming trip to Peoria. As the legs of the event began to fall into place in my mind the Dead Kennedys' Holiday in Cambodia began to play on the radio. And as any fool will tell you, Cambodia and Peoria rhyme perfectly, so I began to pen a song.

This song is based on my one experience in Peoria last season, which inexplicably found me in the Press Box at the Peoria Sports Complex viewing the first game of Spring Training. The song is also pieced together from the musings of Corey Brock of Padres.com and the North County Times' Dan Hayes, two authority figures on Peoria Arizona . . .


I suggest that you simultaneously play the music of the Dead Kennedys and sing my lyrics loudly enough to drown out Jello Biafra.

So you been to Arizona
For a year or two
And you know you've seen it all
Iconic hookups at the bar
Urinal rendezvous from afar
I guess the writing was on the wall


Play the Atari's theme
To charge up the team
On the park's five grand stereo
Braggin' that you know
How Bill Center feels old
And the Press box got so much soul


It's time to hear what you most fear
Nickleback will not help you here
Brace yourself, dear Friiii - - ar:
Brace yourself, dear Friiii - -ar:


It's a holiday in Peoria
It's tough wearin' #75, kid, but it's life
It's a holiday in Peoria
Don't forget to call your wife
[* To the poor guy who has little chance of making the squad]


See guys like Hoffy get to teach
Ausmus shows a catcher how to reach
Blacky and Balls work with the arms
Corey, Dan, and Uncle Ted observe
The next big thing's 12-to-6 curve
But the unproven 'pen sounds alarms


Well you'll work harder
With a radar gun in your back
For a Waffle House meal a day
A slave for Salty's
Chips and salsa 'till you starve
Then your guts are ruined until May
[*A message for the Padres fan turned intern]


Now you can go where people drink in the sun
Now you can go where fans watch players run
What you need, my Padre:
What you need, my Padre:


Is a holiday in Peoria
Where people dress in blue, sand, orange, and brown
A holiday in Peoria
Where the cracks of bats will sound


Bud Black, Bud Black, Bud Black, Bud Black, [etc]


And it's a holiday in Peoria
Where you'll do what you're told
A holiday in Peoria
Where the Arizona slums got so much soul


Bud Black!

RJ's Fro and Ducksnorts are accomplished musicians so I expect that our trip next weekend will yield an acoustic production of this song -- during our Holiday in Peoria.

Orlando Hudson Reports Early To Spring Training

Yesterday, Dan Hayes of the North County Times reported via Twiter, that all 35 Padres pitchers and catchers had reported to Peoria, Arizona. In addition to the mandatory appearance by pitchers and catchers 8 position players reported voluntarily. One of the position players was the oft maligned Orlando Hudson.

Orlando Hudson is well aware that his stock tumbled last year after coming to San Diego. The Padres tried to move him but his services went unwanted this winter.

Hudson is essentially a free agent following 2012 as the Padres would have to pay him $8 million dollars in 2013 but are likely to buy him out for $2 million instead.

Is his early arrival an attempt at some sort of penance? Perhaps this move by the O-Dog will show an attempt to provide the leadership that was sorely lacking last season and eventually persuade another team to offer him a multi-year deal in 2013.

According to sources on the ground at the  Peoria Sports Complex, Orlando Hudson has already contributed selflessly to the cause in 2012 . . .

19 Reasons: A Trip To Peoria For Spring Training

I mentioned on Monday that, even though the Padres finished a miserable 71-91, there were still 19 reasons the 2011 Padres season provided something great for fans.

I'm not ready to say that the whole was greater than the sum of these 19 parts because that would indicate insanity. Which I am not (hopefully). And that I don't care about winning. Which I do (most certainly). There were moments, though. And for me they were memorable.

One
I shall begin with Spring Training. Is that cheating? On account of people currently counting down the days until Pitchers and Catchers report, I would say that technically Spring Training marks day 1 of the season. And so this is where it all began . . .
This last season marked my first trip to spring training. Ever. I've done a fair number of sport trips but a visit to Arizona in February or March had eluded me. The trip was worth it . . .

Press Box Credentials
Befriending Rick and Beau from RJ's Fro led to this privileged experience. It was difficult to watch the Padres' first game of the year and not cheer while sitting in press row so I did the next best thing; I fired off 76 tweets during the game. I have no idea how to access these ancient aphorisms but I assure you they exist. It made for a fun filled day of comedy as we watched game 1 of 2011.

***
Game one was against the Mariners and the massive Japanese press corps was there for Ichiro's first hacks of spring. It was awesome. Ichiro is like the Beatles. If not the entire quartet at least Paul or John*.

*I'm a George Harrison guy.

***
I got to meet Dan Hayes of the North County Times and Corey Brock of MLB.com. Cool guys, both of 'em.

***
Rick and Beau duped me into thinking the food was free for those in the Press Box. So I started filling up the plate. I had committed to too much food on the plate when we found out there would be a cost. Rick and Beau bolted and I continued heaping food on to the plate. Up next to me walks the bronzed Ted Leitner. He looks at the tray of chicken and says, like only Ted can, "That is one sorry looking chicken!" Ted's crazy.  That chicken was pretty good.

***
The Mariners, a truly detested rival, won the game 13-12 in extra innings on a walk-off single by former Padre Josh Bard. Brad Brach blew the save in the 9th when he gave up a 2-run bomb. Logan Forsythe, James Darnell, and Nick Hundley each homered.

Seeing the young guys, who I had only previously read short blurbs about in prospect guides, perform well was a neat experience. Seeing Darnell and Forsythe gave the feeling that I had just discovered a great band who few knew about. We'll see if they're still making music in 2012.

***
We saw Jake Peavy, John Danks, and Mat Latos in a bar. I'm older than those guys now so that's kind of weird. I got more enjoyment out of seeing Darren Balsley, Randy Ready, and this girl wearing a brown and gold Ramones t-shirt*.

*The best of both worlds colliding.

***
Rick was the victim of a Will Venable f-bomb tirade and since I was standing with him it pretty much made me a victim as well. That was weird in a fun kind of way. Who knew that exchange would be the fuel for all my writing in July of 2011?

***
Jerry Colman walked in front of me. Right in front of me. Jerry Coleman!

***
Bought a few cool items on sale from the previous spring training (yellow hat, brown t-shirt).

***
I rapped with Jane Mitchell and bought her book One on One: My Journey With Hall Of Famers, Fan Favorites, And Rising Stars.

***
I also witnessed a weird event. I cannot speak to what this event was. But I will only say that without going to Spring Training seeing an event as odd as this one is nearly impossible. This is all I will say on the matter.

Spring Training 2011 was a neat experience and it set the foundation for what would be a fun year despite the losing.

Acts of barbarism directed towards the Dodgers... I quite enjoy them

As the Padres met the Dodgers in one of spring's last games of meaning, the two squads gathered near home plate to illustrate their dislike for one another. After the Dodgers' Jonathan Broxton had hit Ryan Ludwick with a pitch, Padres' minor league reliever Brad Brach plunked Rafael Furcal an inning later.

Both pitchers say the hit batsmen were unintentional, mere casualties of aggressive pitching. I say who cares! I'm a meat-head and there's little I'd rather view than a good punch-up between the Padres and that cesspool to the north.

Here's to Brad Brach, even if it was unintentional. One day you'll make it to the PENitentiary and when you do, I'm buying the beers.

For those Faithful Eleven who have followed this blog over the years, you may remember that as a youngster one of my favorite players was Don Mattingly. I know, I know, it's disgusting that one of my baseball idols was a Yankee. Hey, at least the Yanks sucked then. What did the Dodgers' new skipper have to say about the near melee? From Don Norcross' UT article:

“I’ll tell you what, I don’t mind our boys stepping up,” said Dodgers first-year manager Don Mattingly. “I don’t mind at all. I really don’t mind the spirit.”

Oh, Donnie Baseball. This is gonna hurt to say it but you can #$  #$&@ $%&^self!


What about Mat Latos, hater of all things San Francisco? How did he react to this Los Angeles brouhaha?

When the players started taking their paces toward each other, Mat Latos was outside on a concourse, signing autographs. After a fan told him what was unfolding, Latos jogged toward the diamond.

Once things cleared, Latos returned to his spot and resumed signing autographs.
“Teammates first,” Latos told fans. “I apologize.”

Don't apologize Mat. This makes my heart warm. You make my heart warm. Let's get this season started.

Pictures From Peoria

I went to Spring Training this last weekend with Beautown and SDPads1 of RJ's Fro. It was cool. Saw the Padres open up against the hated Mariners of Seattle. I haven't had a chance to write yet but here are a few pictures.