My Dean Spanos Experience; and the fear it instills

Relax Sir... I am a professional.

During the dying days of the Marty Schottenheimer Era I met Dean Spanos.

Well I didn't really meet him. I observed his behavior. I was like Jane Goodall and he was... well... he was still Dean Spanos. My analogy is neither here nor there; point being, I did not like what I saw.

During another life I wan an integral player in the seedy and corrupt world of valet parking. See this fella in the upper right? Not me, but it might as well have been. We parked the big boys and made money hand over fist creating illusions of scarcity for the unsuspecting masses. But that's not what this column is about.
(click "Read More" to continue)
I received a call one day from a secretary with the San Diego Chargers. She spoke of a Christmas party and a need for approximately 30 cars to be valet parked. This Chargers employee prepaid for the parking and informed me that she would pay any additional moneys exceeding the flat rate for 30 guests on the night of the party. This number could be as many as an additional 10 cars. This seemed like a small number to be attending a Christmas party but who was I to pretend to have intimate knowledge of the inner-workings at Murphy Canyon. I staffed the party for 60 cars to ensure smooth sailing and then called it a day.

When it was all said and done, valet stand closed, and the final keys surrendered to festive Chargers employees the night would be recalled as an unmitigated disaster. With an expectation of 30 cars and staffing for 60 the Chargers delivered over 130 cars into the belly of the Gaslamp District on that December night.

For over an hour, party goers sat in a mostly patient queue which extended out into the oncoming traffic of Fifth Avenue. My company looked bad and we felt even worse. While we hustled to get folks to their party, one thought made laps around my mind: how could a company as prominent as the San Diego Chargers misfire so badly on projections for a Holiday party? I continued to manage the snafu... and run my balls off.

A customer was trying to cut their way into the massive Saturday evening queue, and on any other night we probably would have solicited a "special" line-jumping fee, but this was not any other night. We were working a prepaid holiday party arrangement and there was a commitment to uphold. The customer sped off against the throng of oncoming one-way traffic.

The same customer looped around the block and once again tried to line-jump. This time, denial would not be a suitable response on our part. The guest found a small opening, nosed his Mercedes Benz into said opening, and effectively parked his car at a perpendicular angle to the sidewalk. He turned off his ignition, handed the keys to my ticket-man, said he needed to get to the party, and walked off. We parked the gentleman's car.

The gentleman in the Mercedes Benz was San Diego Chargers owner, Dean Spanos.

Holiday parties, in my estimation, serve no better purpose than to boost morale and say thank you; thank you for a year of work and a job well done. Dean Spanos disagreed. He showed up late to his own party. He cut in front of all who waited patiently in what had become a downtown disaster and then scurried off without any regard for those in his employ.

What would I have done? Glad you asked!

I would have announced to the lead valet who I was and my relevance to the party. I would have asked the valet to take my car first so I could stand curbside and greet all of my employees who were stuck in this unfortunate mess. I would have welcomed them. I would have thanked them. And after the last of the serpentine line had climbed from their vehicle I would have walked them to the Christmas party that I was hosting in their honor. That's leadership. Dean Spanos is not a leader.

I've often thought about that night when observing questionable actions on the part of the Chargers. Dean Spanos showed his colors to me on that one night several years ago.

Dean Spanos shows his colors when he chooses to low-ball a solid citizen and Pro Bowl Tackle in Marcus McNeill who had clearly outplayed his rookie contract.

Dean Spanos shows his colors when he spouts off his cockamamie nonsense to the Union Tribune... and because we know who Dean Spanos is I'm fairly certain that winning a Super Bowl in San Diego will be in spite of him.

But hey... the Cowboys won a Super Bowl in 1995 in spite of Barry Switzer's ineptitude... so we've got that going for us.

Happy New Year

Movie Quotes Will Explain This Winning Streak...maybe?

The difficult thing about blogging the baseball season is the short shelf life of each thought. Before you can implement an idea from a game the next one has passed. All I really want to talk about is the Padres sweep of the Cubs but here we are on Memorial Day having witnessed the Padres extend their winning streak to 10 games with a late rally and extra inning victory. Oh who cares, there's only 11 of you reading anyway and China's access is restricted so I'll have at it......

The recent 9-0 home stand coupled with today's defeat of the D-Backs brings to mind two movies that may best describe the prevailing feeling Padre fans should be having:

1. PULP FICTION. The Character; Winston Wolf. The Scene: Vincent and Jules have just cleaned all of the fragments of Marvin's skull from the back of their get away car. The blood has been sopped up, the blankets are covering the upholstery, Travolta & Jackson look like a "couple of dorks", and they are confident that The Wolf has helped them escape certain incarceration. The Quote: "Well, let's not start suckin' each other's dicks quite yet." Now I've referenced this quote before and for good reason......it would be unwise considering San Diego's sporting history to get too excited over nothing. Not to be a wet blanket (or the damp throw pillow that my daughter just gacked on...true story) but it would be wise to remember that our 'book collection' has two fantastic 'book ends': A 9-3 start and our recent 10-0 run for a phenomenal 19-3 mark. But here's the problem..... all of the 'books' on the shelf are absolute SHITE!......think Jack Kerouac collection minus On the Road and Dharma Bums. The math on that is 4-19.....refer back to quote by The Wolf.
2. MAJOR LEAGUE. The Character; Jake Taylor. The Scene: Cleveland Indians squad is assembled in clubhouse and has just been notified that the team was constructed to lose so that the team could be moved. Each player would be released, traded or sent to the minors at season's end. The Quote: "I guess there's only one thing left to do...win the WHOLE fuckin' thing." I know, I know....you wanted to hear Cerrano say how much he likes Jesus but he no help hit curve ball......I get it... but it doesn't fit my theme (click here) so go with me. To keep Peavy, do the Padres have no choice but to 'win the whole fuckin' thing'? The Friars' FO wants to trade Jake Peavy but it will be met with even greater resistance by our fledgling fan base if it is done while the team is above .500 and has a chance to compete. Could the FO be hoping that this streak ends so it can get back to the business of giving John Moores a palatable $40 million dollar payroll? Will GM Kevin Towers begin to redecorate the bullpen with more of the Edwin Morenos of the world in order to soften fan expectations thus allowing Jake to be jettisoned? That's an awfully cynical thought but we all know that Jake's going, merely a matter of when....but will they trade him if we're playing good ball? (this is all ridiculous speculation and more of an excuse to mention Major League)
   

Those are my movie analogies and here are my observations from Sunday's game which was a 7-2 victory over the Cubs. A personal victory of note for me as the Friar's had dropped the 10 previous games I attended.

• I am a completely moronic child every time I see this name:

• Fuk-U-Do-Me......I laugh every time I see it in print and then I proceed to read this guy's name phonetically...every time. I am a MORON. It's like any time I've ever mentioned the word Duty in front of a teenager (such as: You have a duty to complete this task). All the teenager hears is doody....."Huh-Huh.....he said Doody." I am that same little teenage idiot every time I see Kosuke Fukudome play baseball. Sorry.
• Padre entertainment coordinators. Don't play Twist and Shout when the Cubs are in town...too Ferris Bueller's Day Off after he caught the foul ball during the game at Wrigley and then found his way on to the float in the Downtown Chicago parade. It's bad enough we're outnumbered every series those guys ever play here......don't make them feel anymore at home. Also ix nay any Smashing Pumpkins song.....they hail from Chicago....gotta think of these things.
• Always show footage of Garvey hitting the HR in 1984 when the Cubs are in town......it actually won't piss off that many people because they aren't even from Chicago, they're from Huntington Beach. I know because I was talking to them. Curse WGN's national reach!
• A batting avg. around .200 during 9-0 home stand. Really?
• Memo: Chicago Cubs fans who wear Chicago Bears jerseys to games in San Diego: If you decide to wear your Richard Dent #95 and guy wearing Padres jersey comes up to you and says, "The Sack Man's comin'," don't look at him like he's a crazy methhead from Lakeside but instead reply with, "I'm your man Dent," and then I'll continue the dance with, "If the Quarterback's slow he's gonna get bent," and then I'll be impressed with you instead of you looking like an ill-informed Jag-off. That's right.....YOU looked like the Jagoff.
• I do not like being outnumbered in our home park. It bothers me. On account of this uneasy feeling acquired when the Cubs visit, with all due respect to family members of mine who are Cub fans, I shall share the following sentiment: I have a strong dislike for The Lovable Losers...OK, I hate them. Take solace Chicagoans as it is not the same kind of hate I have for the Patriots.
• Finally.....watch out Dodgers!?? Not really but they are actually in our sights now.