Cuckoo For Nick Canepa: People Chase Headley is not

In Monday's U-T Nick Canepa went on about how the 2012 Dream Team could beat the original Dream Team while simultaneously acknowledging the following:

• Michael Jordan was in his prime.
• Charles Barkley was phenomenal in 1992.
• People "who know the game" say that the best basketball ever played was during the 1992 Dream Team closed session practices.
• The 2012 edition of the Dream Team will get beat this year if it's not careful.

It was brilliant stuff. Let's move on to where he discusses Chase Headley in his hodge-podge-Sez-Me type column in which he never actually says "Sez Me" but certainly means it . . .


Nick Canepa would have us believe the following:

• Chase Headley will be traded.
• The Padres have depth at third base in the minors.
• Fred McGriff was given away in trade back in 1993.
• The columnist hates inter-division trades.
• Chase Headley is not Mike Schmidt.
• If a trade is executed between the rivals then the Padres should receive Magic Johnson.

Let's just see how Canepa wrote it:

Chase Headley is going to be traded. Let's just hope the Padres, who have some minor-league depth at third base, don't give him away (ala Fred McGriff). I hate inter-division trades. If the Dodgers want Headley, who is not Mike Schmidt, they should have to surrender Magic Johnson ...

I don't get Canepa.

Chase Headley, who is not Brooks Robinson, is a good ball player, a solid ball player.

Most fans would be loathe to watch Chase Headley, who is not Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah's couch professing his love for Katie Holmes, don Dodger blue but Canepa is ignoring a very important point.

If you want value for Chase Headley, who is not Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft, then you have to be willing to deal with every club in each league.

This is not the distant past. There will be no fire-sale, the likes of which fans endured in 1993. The current owners need to keep some value on this club so they're not just going to dump Chase Headley, who is not Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney.

Is there depth in the Padres minor league system? Sure. There's James Darnell, who is not Jed Gyorko. And there's Jed Gyorko, who is not Chase Headley (who incidentally is not The Savior or the Anti-Christ).

I just hope that if the Padres do trade Chase Headley, who is not Mercury 7 astronaut Wally Schirra, they get a windfall for him. Alas, I don't know if Chase Headley, who is not Jessica Alba in her prime, is a player who could command some sort of franchise altering wealth of talent to move to San Diego.

But if Chase Headley, who is not George Brett, was Jessica Alba in her prime then we'd be looking at an entirely different reality.

But Chase Headley, who is not Wade Boggs, is Chase Headley. So I guess we'll have to wait until July 31st to find out what becomes of Chase Headley, who is none of the above listed names.

Editor's Note:
No superstar team led by Michael Jordan would lose to the 2012 Dream Team.

My Dean Spanos Experience; and the fear it instills

Relax Sir... I am a professional.

During the dying days of the Marty Schottenheimer Era I met Dean Spanos.

Well I didn't really meet him. I observed his behavior. I was like Jane Goodall and he was... well... he was still Dean Spanos. My analogy is neither here nor there; point being, I did not like what I saw.

During another life I wan an integral player in the seedy and corrupt world of valet parking. See this fella in the upper right? Not me, but it might as well have been. We parked the big boys and made money hand over fist creating illusions of scarcity for the unsuspecting masses. But that's not what this column is about.
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I received a call one day from a secretary with the San Diego Chargers. She spoke of a Christmas party and a need for approximately 30 cars to be valet parked. This Chargers employee prepaid for the parking and informed me that she would pay any additional moneys exceeding the flat rate for 30 guests on the night of the party. This number could be as many as an additional 10 cars. This seemed like a small number to be attending a Christmas party but who was I to pretend to have intimate knowledge of the inner-workings at Murphy Canyon. I staffed the party for 60 cars to ensure smooth sailing and then called it a day.

When it was all said and done, valet stand closed, and the final keys surrendered to festive Chargers employees the night would be recalled as an unmitigated disaster. With an expectation of 30 cars and staffing for 60 the Chargers delivered over 130 cars into the belly of the Gaslamp District on that December night.

For over an hour, party goers sat in a mostly patient queue which extended out into the oncoming traffic of Fifth Avenue. My company looked bad and we felt even worse. While we hustled to get folks to their party, one thought made laps around my mind: how could a company as prominent as the San Diego Chargers misfire so badly on projections for a Holiday party? I continued to manage the snafu... and run my balls off.

A customer was trying to cut their way into the massive Saturday evening queue, and on any other night we probably would have solicited a "special" line-jumping fee, but this was not any other night. We were working a prepaid holiday party arrangement and there was a commitment to uphold. The customer sped off against the throng of oncoming one-way traffic.

The same customer looped around the block and once again tried to line-jump. This time, denial would not be a suitable response on our part. The guest found a small opening, nosed his Mercedes Benz into said opening, and effectively parked his car at a perpendicular angle to the sidewalk. He turned off his ignition, handed the keys to my ticket-man, said he needed to get to the party, and walked off. We parked the gentleman's car.

The gentleman in the Mercedes Benz was San Diego Chargers owner, Dean Spanos.

Holiday parties, in my estimation, serve no better purpose than to boost morale and say thank you; thank you for a year of work and a job well done. Dean Spanos disagreed. He showed up late to his own party. He cut in front of all who waited patiently in what had become a downtown disaster and then scurried off without any regard for those in his employ.

What would I have done? Glad you asked!

I would have announced to the lead valet who I was and my relevance to the party. I would have asked the valet to take my car first so I could stand curbside and greet all of my employees who were stuck in this unfortunate mess. I would have welcomed them. I would have thanked them. And after the last of the serpentine line had climbed from their vehicle I would have walked them to the Christmas party that I was hosting in their honor. That's leadership. Dean Spanos is not a leader.

I've often thought about that night when observing questionable actions on the part of the Chargers. Dean Spanos showed his colors to me on that one night several years ago.

Dean Spanos shows his colors when he chooses to low-ball a solid citizen and Pro Bowl Tackle in Marcus McNeill who had clearly outplayed his rookie contract.

Dean Spanos shows his colors when he spouts off his cockamamie nonsense to the Union Tribune... and because we know who Dean Spanos is I'm fairly certain that winning a Super Bowl in San Diego will be in spite of him.

But hey... the Cowboys won a Super Bowl in 1995 in spite of Barry Switzer's ineptitude... so we've got that going for us.

Happy New Year

The Problem With San Diego

That last post was a downer. Let this post lift us up where we belong...

I bought some t-shirts a couple weeks ago from The Sacrifice Bunt. The Sacrifice Bunt is a good Padres blog that you should read. In addition to being a good Padres blog that you should read, The Sacrifice Bunt makes and sells T-shirts. T-Shirts with a message...

Just so we're clear... this is not a dish rag... it is merely a screen shot of the front of the T-Shirt.

Now don't go thinking you can make this on your own with your fancy-schmancy Hewlett Packard ink jet and some crappy iron-on insert sheets from Staples or the Office Depot*. Because if you did your shirt wouldn't have this...

...and then everyone would know you're a phony!

Anyways... these shirts were a big hit as Christmas gifts. One to my dad and one to my brother. My brother immediately took a picture of it and sent it to one of his friends... a friend from Boston... living in San Diego....you know the type, right?
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The Problem With San Diego
San Diego, for the most part, is a city of transplanted residents (myself included). There is nothing wrong with this fact. San Diego is beautiful. Who wouldn't want to escape the eastern winter climes? I get why people move here... it's what the educated would refer to as obvious. 

My issue however is with those who move to San Diego and refuse to acknowledge it as their home. They bask in the winter warmth provided by a steady Mediterranean climate but at every turn fail to acknowledge that their paycheck is signed by an entity, here, in San Diego.

Good God, man... where is your bread buttered!?

These people had no issue with abandoning their families back east but to suggest that they shelve their Cubs/Red Sox/Yankees/(fill in the blank) cap in favor of one adorned with an SD is BLASPHEMOUS in the odd little world these state-traitors reside.

Fine, I say.

If you want to wear your Red Sox shit to a game being played between the San Diego Padres and the Philadelphia Phillies, I say fine.

I will be wearing my T-Shirt that, in a round-about-way, suggests you should go home and shovel the god damn snow out of your parents' driveway.

Viva San Diego!
//eating a carne asada burrito
//wearing a brown Padres hat
//thinking about the World Famous San Diego Zoo
//suggesting you should click the above link to get your Sac Bunt T-shirt

*The level of detail I have provided would seem to suggest that I tried to create a knock-off version of The Sacrifice Bunt's glorious creation. I did not... at least with this specific T-shirt, I did not.

Chargers Questions: my pessimism runneth over

A few weeks ago when the Chargers were hammering a Cassel-less Chiefs team I took little joy in the outcome. I'm a Chargers fan. I should have been happy. It was a minimal happiness at best.

Then the Chargers destroyed the 49ers. Ehh... that was pretty cool. More enjoyment out of this one but still not running on the euphoria that a winning fan should.


Is there a point to even watching if there is little joy derived from the winning?

The truth is, I'm enthralled with the whole, "Will-they-or-won't-they-leave-San Diego-for Los Angeles" Saga. Because my mind is focused on this chasm of despair, I fail at maximizing joy from Chargers wins.

As a fan, this is a terrible state of being.


Now that the Chargers' playoff hopes have been eliminated there are only three questions to ponder:

1. Will labor strife continue, resulting in an owner imposed NFL lockout in 2011?
2. Will Dean Spanos miraculously develop into a top tier executive rather than a silver-spoon-buffoon?
3. Will the Chargers affix the worst phrase found in the English lexicon (Los Angeles) to their uniforms and office letterheads in 2012?

I believe the answers to these questions are as follows:

1. YES and then NO. As fans, we'll lose something.
2. An unequivocal NO.
3. A devastating YES.

Put your face in your palm. Grab a fork. Devour my optimism.

Stuff the Padres and I have acquired this winter

This Padres off-season has been a winter roller coaster.

The euphoria of acquiring a high ceiling talent like Cameron Maybin diminished when Adrian Gonzalez, the talented anchor of the infield, was shipped off to Boston for unknown quantities in the form of prospects.

Not one of these players is ready to contribute to a team that won 90 games in 2010.

"Allegedly" players like Casey Kelly and Anthony Rizzo will arrive sooner than later... this is soothing.

While Hope for 2011 took a backseat to it's bastard cousin Despair something quite rare happened in the last few weeks... Hope returned! Yes, hope reemerged when Jed Hoyer went and grabbed Jason Bartlett and Orlando Hudson to shore up the middle infield while simultaneously bolstering the top of the line-up card.

Now the only question that remains; who will Jed plug into first base before Kyle Blanks (injury) or Anthony Rizzo (youth) become viable options?

Derek Lee? Adam LaRoche? Troy Glaus? Joe Randa*?

I don't know the answer. I can't even say which player I prefer.  I can only speak to that which I have knowledge... and that's the stuff that I picked up this winter. 

This post starts NOW!
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In 2005 I turned on the television to watch 60 Minutes. A segment on American soccer goalkeeper Tim Howard would explore his trials and tribulations as an athlete (both with Manchester United and the US National Team) living with Tourette's Syndrome. It was interesting and touching and.... now to my point.

Tim Howard was wearing this San Diego Padres track jacket by Majestic during his interview with Steve Croft:

I know; it's awesome.

I probably should have been looking for a way to contribute to a TS foundation but I was too overwhelmed by that jacket. Like so many things that are AWESOME, it overtook my will and would consume nearly the next 6 years of my life.

I looked everywhere for this jacket----The MLB Shop/On-line stores/Craig's List/ E-Bay.

I searched them all, finding variations of what I desired, but never the exact retro-track jacket I saw that evening on 60 Minutes. I began to ask myself if the jacket even existed. Was this a memory conjured up out of thin air? I searched for 60 Minutes footage of the Tim Howard interview and it was edited... showing nothing Padres of the sort.

I'm from New Jersey... why on earth would I be wearing a brown Padres Track Jacket, you ass-hat?

Time passed and on occasion I would see a fan at the park adorned with my white whale. The image would leave me frozen unable to muster the nerve to ask where they had purchased such beatific brown. The resulting debilitation also kept me from an attempted assault and burglary. The latter effect of my paralysis proved fortuitous....

For, in late November of 2010 I found my white whale on E-Bay for an absurdly low price of $14.99.

I would not fall like Ahab... this jacket would be mine!

The Missus, having witnessed my pain over the years, gave the green-light for an early Christmas present so I bid. And then I waited. For four days.

Nearly a month has passed and if you've seen a guy wearing that jacket around town, it was probably me. I wear it all the time. Inexplicably, I wear my "Brown-Majestic-Faux-Retro-Circa 2005- Padres Track-Jacket" even on occasions where my dress attire suggests that it's DEFINITELY NOT a day to present myself casually. I don't care. I won't apologize.

Go Padres.

*At this URL,  every question has a bold and definitive answer... it is delivered in the form of the human known as Joe Randa.

Giving Thanks...

AJM is thankful that the Padres made the season interesting all the way until game 162. It was a disappointing way for the year to end but the season was a heckuva lot of fun.

AJM is thankful that the Chargers have started to turn things around. Things were looking grim and the possibility of Philip Rivers' stellar play going for naught seemed like a painful reality. Now we have smiles and hope for the stretch run.

AJM is also thankful for...

... Jessica Alba realizing that, while it's fun to be a mommy, it's even better to be a hot lookin' mommy. Thanks for the reemergence.

 

Maybe we should also thank Elle magazine for posting pictures on the MSN Hotmail page.

Avenging Jack Murphy's Muse is a Raider Sympathizer; course of action requested

This is one of those things that we had an inkling about, a sneaking suspicion, an indication, a hunch....and thankfully, for this post, a thesaurus.

Our current dilemma evokes the riddle of youthful ignorance and the Easter Bunny.

As a child you accepted the notion that it was rational for a life size rabbit to make deliveries of candy to commemorate the resurrection of Christ. You did not question this odd amalgam of pagan and Christian traditions........because you were 8 and didn't know what the fuck a pagan was.....and because you were chomping the heads off of chocolate bunnies. But deep down inside you knew the truth. You held your silence out of fear.....fear that the sugar pipeline would dry up. So you kept on believing, though your subconscious remained privy to the truth.

You shouldn't have needed mommy and daddy to tell you there was no 6'3" hare sneaking into the home once a year, just like I shouldn't have needed Jessica Alba appearing in a photo wearing a Raider hat to acknowledge the obvious. She's from the LA area........the Raiders called that shit hole home during her formative years......heck......I saw her on the Best Damn Sports Show Period years ago and she said her pops was a Raider fan. Daughter apples never fall far from the father tree. The writing was always on the wall but I denied, denied, denied. I denied the verity of the situation much like Daniel Snyder denies the fact that he completely fucked-up in hiring Jim Zorn to coach the 'Skins. Me and Daniel Snyder....fuckos!

So here WE are.....at an impasse of sorts. Alba snuck into this blog a long time ago and became its Matron Saint often yielding the most sagely advice. But the truth is now as undeniable as Eliot Spitzer being caught with a high-end hooker. Spitzer and I have both been compromised and as figures of renown we must acquiesce to the demands of our public.

You'll have to vote on the fate of The Sage......The Matron Saint......the most righteous 1/3 of the Holy Trinity of Jessicas. What say you public?



If you vote for option 1 or 3 please use the comment section to propose alternatives.

Friday Afternoon Link Delight 9/4

1/2 of Sage Advice......How did it take Alba this long to make it to a Friday?

Very busy and the week has flown by so the only provided links are as follows:

Thigh of the week, Rosie Jones [Sharapova's Thigh]
Kouz & Head. A hot Eckstein. The merits of drafting a stinking Patriot in your fantasy draft. [619 Sports]

Friday Afternoon Link Delight 8/7

The DELIGHT
Thigh of the week Bahara Golestani...nice find. [Sharapova's Thigh]
Additional recognition of the Sage via beach photos [Sharapova's Thigh]
Oregon State Beaver Alum Sara Jean Underwood [Gunaxin]

The VIDEO
With the Cromartie Twitter fine earlier this week it wouldn't be right to not look at more idiotic tweets courtesy of Tweet Boxx [Break Media]
The 50 most bad-ass moments in sports history [Hot Clicks]

The LOCAL
Bolts win their first Super Bowl [619 Sports-Ello]
Twitter and Sports [619 Sports]
Nick Hardwick is against speaking in the 3rd person. Avenging Jack Murphy concurs. [XX1090-Darren Smith]

The fellas at Gaslamp Ball have an enchanted evening with Padres' COO, Tom Garfinkle---he of the appropriately timed Austin Powers' quotes [Gaslamp Ball]

The END
There's a lot of other great stuff out there but I'm tired.

Memo to Actresses: Show commitment to your craft by being awesome

Signing out of my MSN account, the first thing I noticed was the entertainment section......and not because of the Romo/Simpson split and its obvious NFL connection. Yes, my starvation for football has reached its summer zenith but I felt captivated by another title line and I sought news of much greater personal relevance and import. A story that, if accessed and found to be true, could very well be considered an existential threat to this blog.

Now I don't concern myself with some fella slippin' one through the 5-hole on Penelope Cruz nor am I inclined to read up on a geriatric Roy Hobbs shackin' up with his new Missus......

.....my concern stemmed from the penultimate-minus-one headline (is there a word for third to the last?). A headline with the inference of the oh so dreaded....

"I'm an actress who wants to be taken seriously therefore I will immerse myself in my craft, and thus character, to such a degree that the world will stop viewing my beauty only."

Chills up the spine of my laptop......could it have meant that Avenging Jack Murphy's wise sage might be engaging in the most drastic of actions........marring her beauty for art?

This is just not funny, not funny at all.....fearful I am to click the aforementioned link......visions of actresses past dancing in my head. My personal reference point for Charlize Theron has always been the first roll I ever saw her in----2 Days In The Valley. Is this not how, you too, evoke images of Ms. Theron?

Charlize Theron, Teri Hatcher, and spandex are the types of visual senses that rapidly pass through the brain's receptors and get the neurons firing like it was Independence Day.....at least in 1996 they did.....Charlize Theron had to go prove she was devoted to her craft, got rid of her figure, made herself ugly, and played a bull dike serial killer....

Thanks....thanks a lot you South African princess. My mind is seared with imagery of you as a horrific sociopath and you will never return to that vaunted status you achieved back in the mid '90s........but at least the world knows you're dedicated to your craft!

Which brings us to the unthinkable. We've heard of the Sage wanting to be taken more seriously as an actress.....to not just be eye candy for movie going males. Do we click this insidious teaser and take the chance of ruining this image.....forever!

For the love of the San Diego Chargers and this blog....what's behind the link....what's behind the fuckin' link?

Actress to pack on pounds for role [MSN]

Too Steep of "Mountains" for Alba to Climb

In The Sports World:
Shunned for cutting her bangs and birthing a child, Jessica Alba was handily defeated by a 22 year old Brit at the 2009 Hot Ladies Tournament. This Sports Blog wept...the cause taken up too late in the game.

The task was daunting....like asking Sir Edmund Hillary to climb Everest without oxygen or his Sherpa, Tenzing Norgay....in TWO days no less! To overcome a 24 point deficit with this country's current state of voter apathy? For even the staunchest of Alba party supporters, these were Mountains far too grand to scale. I am however, proud of OUR efforts and His Holiness The Dalai Lama would have been touched by the Eleventh Hour pull to save his Co-Spiritual Adviser.

It was an upmountains battle and the polling over the last two days shook out like this:

Only a 1% increase but the reason never could have been more obvious....

Can Man be faulted for choosing Keeley Hazell? We think not.

We appreciate the supporters of this site and their efforts to maintain the privileged status of our Spiritual Sage.

Also a special thanks to The World's Ombudsmen for rallying the East Coast Contingent. Cheers.

For the remainder of the 2009 Thighnal Four: Sharapova's Thigh

From Bennifer to Mannywood

I took time out to think yesterday.

Yes. Between strategy sessions for boosting Jessica Alba's Thighnal Four possibilities I began to think about something other than the Memphis Tigers-like thrashing Ms. Alba was being served in the 2009 Hot Ladies Tournament. Let us be candid....while the hot ladies are good sport we needed something with, I don't know, a little more balls....

Like a spider monkey cavorting down the avenues of my mind came the following: Bennifer-Brangelina- TomKat -BenJen-Billary......oh please stop, mind..... the dreaded celebrity super-couple uni-name. I curse that Masshole Ben Affleck and J-Lo for ever opening the door to overexposed combo names..... but the real question is why on Earth would that inane topic be blighting my mind?

Which brings us full circle to sports and the current union of names: Manny Ramirez and Hollywood went forth, fornicated and left us with the dirty afterbirth known as: Mannywood.

I thought of the idiocy of this combo-name in great detail yesterday: great detail constituted 1 minute and 29 seconds where my thought's exclamation point was a resounding, "Fuck'n' Hell!". Does everything need to be reduced to a cute little name? Apparently so. Such a creative lot are we. But what I didn't realize was that the cutsie name was actually a LAtrine promotion. When did I find this out? Well today of course.....

Manny Ramirez was suspended for a whopping 50 games for steroids! Another fraud exposed.

I don't think Manny could get wood.....hence the female fertility drug.... ahhh, the side effects of steroids.

According to ESPN 800 Mannywood is the left field section where Jag-offs can purchase an overpriced ticket ($99--clever) and a Manny T-shirt. What to do Los Angeles, now that your Pajama wearing LF is on the rack trying to get his testicles to return to normal without using a banned female fertility drug? The Los Angeles Times reported and we copied and pasted:

Ramirez tested positive during spring training for "a banned performance-enhancing substance that is not technically an anabolic steroid," according to a source not authorized to speak publicly about the issue.

The substance, identified by the source as human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG), could legitimately be prescribed for a man who does not naturally produce enough testosterone, according to a high-ranking sports doping authority. But HCG often is used as an antidote to diminished testosterone levels at the end of a cycle of steroid treatments, said BALCO founder and convicted steroid dealer Victor Conte.

HCG is one of dozens of substances prohibited under baseball's drug policy. Players can call a hotline to check on the legality of any substances, and they can obtain a therapeutic use exemption for any legitimate medical use of a banned substance.

"This is failing more than a drug test," Conte said. "This is failing an IQ test.

Well....my friend Boston (from Boston) always said, "Manny's a fucking moron!". That was even when the Sox were winning a 2007 World Series.

The truly sad part of this entire ordeal is not that one more hero of our generation* has fallen, disgracing himself and our National Pastime but that, absent Manny Ramirez, the Padres STILL don't have a chance at the division!!

What's up with Edwin Moreno? That guy was clearly decomposing at the bottom of the dumpster that Kevin Towers found him in.

*The greatest right handed hitter in the game....it's not quite Pujols yet....very close though.....did you know that Albert Pujols carries a Louis Vitton man purse? Saw it with my own two eyes as he walked through the Gaslamp in 2006. Es La Verdad.)

Jessica Alba needs your help...

Those in the "know" recognize Jessica Alba as one of the spiritual advisers to this site.....she now calls on your aid, a Sage in need.

Chicago sports blog, Sharapova's Thigh, has been running a March Madness style tournament for hot ladies, appropriately titled: 2009 Hot Ladies Tournament. Jessica Alba is a number one seed and has reached The Elite Eight....where she's currently being crushed by the number 2 seed, a Big Breasted Brit named Keeley Hazell.

I won't stoop so low as to appeal to jingoism in attempting to defeat the British Bombshell. Don't let national origins sway you......or gigantic, errr...boxing gloves.

I shall appeal only to reason...your reason. Jessica Alba is a beacon of light during the most dire of times.....she is a symbol...of all that ever was good and will be again (James Earl Jones as Terrence Mann in Field of Dreams). Reason, Ladies and Gentlemen. Reason.

I urge you to perform your civic duty. Vote and nullify the corrupted Chicago political machine. Push Ms. Alba on to the Final Four.

An Alba defeat could very well lead to the spontaneous combustion of this site........think about it. The below standings are unacceptable(only counting my vote once?!)!

Vote for Alba @ Sharapova's Thigh [Click]

That is a nice piece of fish...very dependable

I apologize to the Faithful Eleven*. You are a small but devoted contingent and you deserve better than the infrequency of my random posts. But I'm here to proclaim that your visit shall pay dividends tonight. You are about to gain access to the official catch phrase of this blog......one of those little insider-only-isms.....and here it is:

That is a nice piece of fish....very dependable.

Yes.....I find the Jack-in-the-Box commercial for Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwiches one of the funniest things going. That old man in the body wrap blanket waxing nostalgic about a McDonald's filet-o-fish sandwich kills me. What? You don't get it? Neither does my wife and that's ok....let's explain:

It's funny, no explanations needed. There are currently no internet representations of this commercial so you're forced to take my word on its awesomeness....the following You Tube video should be convincing enough as to all-around general comedy found in Jack commercials:

Now that you're a believer, how is it that you can incorporate our catch phrase into daily living? Quite simple really. Anything that is "good" should be modified as follows: That banned Jack commercial was dope! It's a good piece of fish...very dependable.
Let's try some more.....Heath Bell just pitched the 9th and 10th struck out FOUR, got the win and broke our losing streak: Nice piece of fish...very dependable.

Can you believe that Jessica Alba just had a baby? Look at that body! That is a nice piece of fish...very dependable.

Very Dependable

or......
How about that weather today? 74 degrees and breezy! San Diego: A nice piece of fish....very dependable.
This blog, brother? A nice piece of fish....very dependable (working on the dependable component). You get the point.

Go forth, Faithful Eleven, and propagate our message. We look forward to hearing this phrase reach critical mass across the 28 countries we've been exposed to....man up, Slovenia!

Become a part of the lexicon....2009's Truthiness.

*the Faithful Eleven is an arbitrary designation to those who check this blog frequently. It's not actually as low as eleven...on account of being huge in Europe's Eastern bloc.

An Odyssey Yields Riches

We haven't properly hated on the New England Patriots in a while so enjoy the following, courtesy of Sports Illustrated.com:

It's the Grinch's birthday. Happy B-Day you s.o.b.!
Editor's Note: (Friday 7:00AM)
Don't know EXACTLY how Twitter Works but apparently our site is on the Twitter page for "Patriot News".....which is fairly funny.....we thinks:

Yes Patriot Fans....Click the link to find that it's Belichick's Birthday.....and that we hate you!

Oh, the things you come across when you're searching for a picture of the idiot Mets fan who interfered with a ball in play and cost his team a run...we thank you on multiple levels....a Padre win and an opportunity to see what an NFL Draft for Cheerleaders would look like....

Cheerleader Draft 2009
[Jock and Balls]

....and then, one link beget another link, and just like the six degrees of Kevin Bacon we were directed to the happiest place on earth.

A Bone To Pick with XX

The Monday night XX1090 Bleacher Bum broadcast brought us the following:

"NFL EXPERT Peter King said, 'I think the Chargers would be wise to move on from LT'. That's SI.com writer and NFL EXPERT Peter King's opinion, not mine".

This bit of information was popped in right before a commercial break by Jordan Downtown and there was no further elaboration. The point seemed to be that there was an Expert out there who felt it.....an Expert out there who said it.....Peter King is an authority and Expert on the NFL....Therefore Peter King's opinion should be accepted in good faith and taken as NFL gospel.....Peter King said it San Diego and, 'You need to accept it'......don't shoot the messenger (Jordan).

Whether LT should stay or go is incidental. Nor is it of primary importance that the comment was incendiary in nature as there was no legitimate set-up to the quote or discussion afterwards. It was simply dropped in before the break.....and the listener was asked to accept it as sound analysis due to the source: Peter King......Your NFL "Expert".

There are many people who are granted the title of "Expert" in a wide array of fields. Look at any case that makes it to court. The Defense always counters the Prosecution's "Experts" with their own set of "Experts". Their goal....to convince the jury that their opinion on the matter is MORE "Expert" than the opinion that stands in opposition.

How about Experts in terrorism? Richard Clarke held the title of "Terror Czar" leading up to the 9/11/2001 attacks which essentially meant he was thee terrorism Expert. He was the Expert who was most correct in his analysis of the threat by a terror organization known as al Qaeda. But there was another group of Experts who thought his national security assessment was a bit too dire and did not require immediate attention. Those Experts carried titles such as National Security Adviser, Secretary of Defense and a few other notable positions at the top of our government's hierarchy. Ironically it was Richard Clarke who offered apologies in the wake of this tragedy.

Those two examples serve to illustrate the point that anybody can be called an Expert but that the label in and of itself does not signify infallibility. We know this to be true. Infallibility is not a common trait amongst men.

Here is the big issue though. When you have a wide reaching forum (a XX1090 Radio Program) and you throw out a statement such as, "Peter King is an Expert. Here's what he said. Accept it as fact because I attached the Expert label.", it creates a problem because it gives the audience license to accept the author's opinion as a given. Why do any research on our own? We've already been told that an expert said it! The question, good listener/reader, should really be: Who is this Peter King fellow, Expert of NFL Goings On?

Obey

I am here, XX listeners, to share with you some valuable insight regarding Mr. Peter King. On Sunday evenings as well as Super Bowl Sunday we are treated to what amounts to the game of the week and it is broadcast by NBC (Forget MNF-It's DEAD). There are many Experts who sit on the pre-game panel for NBC's game of the week....broadcast Experts such as Bob Costas, Dan Patrick, Keith Olberman, ET AL. Then you have your former football players who are Experts in game strategy, formations, and general information that only former Grid Iron Greats have experienced and understand therefore seem best equipped to explain to the lay fan. Then there is your print journalist who contributes to the show. He is also an "Expert" and he shares all of his scoops with the public. This Expert's Name is Peter King.

Oh where to begin?

The panel of Experts for NBC included Matt Millen during the Super Bowl. Matt Millen is the worst General Manager in the history of football. This is not hyperbole nor is it opinion! It is an indisputable fact yet NBC saw fit to have him espousing his views cultivated as an NFL Insider for the last two decades...installed as an EXPERT. Be weary of the man who bears the crown of Expert (and engineers 0-16 teams).

You see, the hallmark of any successful franchise, is the stockpiling of WRs

Question anyone who would pawn off Matt Millen as an Expert in educating football minds! This new found skepticism will then force you to more closely analyze Peter King's viewpoints. Peter King, the Expert, chose the following teams for his Final Four this year: New England, Jacksonville, Dallas, and Minnesota. Not very Expert. Do you know who he picked to win the AFC North? Browns. Wild card Picks? Colts and Jets. Hmmm....what's missing?

Steelers missed the playoffs!?!?!?!
Expert?

Bleacher Bum Jordan expects you to take his word that Peter King is an "Expert" but we will ask that you suspend acceptance of that belief until you read a part of his weekly SI.com article:

Enjoyable/Aggravating Travel Note of the Week

Sight to behold on the day after the Super Bowl at the Orlando Airport: Group of Steelers fans, getting ready to fly home, seated in the Continental departure area, waiting for a flight to Newark. They're happy. They're disheveled. One 40-ish man, portly, has a black Penguins T-shirt on, and he's eating some chicken, and he doesn't have a napkin, and when he finishes, he takes the bottom of his T-shirt, lifts it up, wipes his mouth with it -- revealing a huge and hairy stomach --and then wipes his hands with it.

Would you take those crazed rambling as those of an Expert? It sounds like the lunacy of a blogger who writes of inane concepts like The Holy Trinity of Jessicas and somehow tries to equate Brett Favre of the Jets to the Pussycat Dolls. Writing about "stupid shit" is in the realm of expertise for this blog so please don't ever confuse my football "Opinions" to be that of an "Expert".....unless I'm discussing "stupid shit" as my credentials are unmatched. In short, don't let Peter King do your thinking for you (he's frequently wrong).

Peter King Musing About A Fat Steeler Fan or Pictures of Jessica Alba?

This has been a treatise on the misapplication of the "Expert" label in all aspects of life. It was not so much an attempt to nitpick XX1090's host but to emphasize the importance of inquiry as opposed to the acceptance of random opinions as dogma.

The intended purpose was also to speak for the Fans.....The fans of San Diego Sports.

That loyal group of Fans who oddly enough seem to be in the minority these days.....never the less, our loyalty to the Chargers and Padres will be rewarded......someday.

Just Tryin' to Keep it Real....

~For More Peter King "Ridiculousness": Click Here

Super Bowl XLIII Has Arrived:Predictions and Minutiae

Today's game got us thinking about some of the teams that didn't make it to the big dance. Obviously, the Chargers failed to make it and when we San Diegans reflect, we think of what may have been had Shawne Merriman's knees held up. Would he have been the cure to our defensive ills? Other team's fans ask these same questions, none more so than Cowboy Fan...

Yes. Cowboy fans ask themselves: "What would have happened had Tony never shacked up with Jessica?". Surely young Romo would have been more focused and the 'Boys would have not only been in this year's Super Bowl but they would have been the team to knock off the Patriots last season, says Cowboy fan. I'm not from Texas and I'm not a fan of the Cowboys. To those fans who would suggest that Jessica Simpson is the foil to Tony Romo's attainment of a championship I say the following.......It's a two way street.....

These two have completely sabotaged each other and we're a lot more upset about the turn Ms. Simpson has taken.....it's a sad day when you begin opting for images of the lip syncing, nose jobbed little sister Simpson. ROMO! We hold you responsible for this! You have destroyed the Holy Trinity of Jessicas!

In the Name of the Alba

The Biel


and the Pop Singer Simpson

This is on you Romo! We hope you never win a Superbowl!

Which brings us to today's game...

Steelers 27 Cardinals 17.

The Steelers have a 3 point lead late but the 'Zonies are driving for a go ahead score.....Anquan Boldin goes across the middle makes a leaping and courageous catch only to be destroyed by Ryan Clark, Killer of Men. Who's there to scoop up the live ball? Mr. Do-Everything, and USC's own......Troy Polamalu.

The best player in the NFL

Troy Polamalu is your Super Bowl XLIII MVP.....and Vegas agrees with the assessment. TP helped cover that 7point spread with his late score.

Enjoy your guacamole...

Season's End Breeds Existential Dillema...hyperbole alert...

"Tim Dobbins and Eric Weddle Stop Willie Parker" was the UT caption for this photo....Are you kidding me! We didn't stop Willie Parker ALL DAY LONG...nor is tackling really when two human beings ride you 'til you fall 5 yards down field...sorry but it's not....and it's a problem worth discussing.

Ye quietly devoted Charger Fans and Patriot Haters: I found myself quite conflicted this morning as I decided whether or not to keep my New Year's resolution. Do I post Dear Patriot Tears (wretched Patriot nonsense) every day when I feel as though I need to take a break and decompress after a difficult end to the Bolts' season? I decided to abandon Patriot Tears and take a break all together...

Then I changed my mind. I looked at the ol' Google Analytics this morning and I was quickly reminded that while the majority of people who view this Blog each day are from CA and presumably Charger Fans there is also a disparate collection of readers from Australia to Singapore, Brazil to the UK, and France to the Eastern Block of Europe. This is to say nothing for the fact that nearly 40/50 U.S. states have taken a peek. At that moment I decided that the Patriot Haters of the World needed their daily fix of Bahhston Cries and that the Trail of Tears would continue...

Taking the Piss out of Patriot Fan is too much Fun to Abandon

As a Charger Fan, however, I was not crazy about espousing Patriot Hatred while remaining mum about MY team...The San Diego Chargers. In the form of new ownership for the Padres we have witnessed a glimmer of hope sparkling on the distant horizon that is the Padres' 2009 baseball season yet I find myself still very detached. Because of my continued attachment to football I would like to continue talking football and therefore there will be no break.

This is an issue worth discussing. What's the LT answer?

I know people are reading but I often feel like a tree falling in the wilderness with no one to witness it....does that tree make a sound with out a soul there to hear it? The origins of this blog were rooted in a desire for a Charger/Padre fan to vent about East Coast Sports Elitism.....specifically in the form of the New England Patriot Fan base. This blog was also meant to be a forum for others of like mind (trolls are also welcome as we champion dissent) to comment, discuss, propose, and answer questions amongst themselves. My writing is long winded, verbose, occasionally funny and just downright stupid sometimes....but it is always rooted in being a fan of San Diego teams who have NEVER won a championship ( I refuse to count the Chargers' 1963 AFL Championship against the Boston Patriots as it was before my time....yet I love the irony of the team that we beat).

So I guess my point is this: What do the Chargers need to do to improve for next season? What are our primary draft needs? How can I interject Jessica Alba into an off season discussion forum? These are all pressing issues that demand resolution.....we need your comments though...let's discuss...

Commenting For Dummies:

• Go to the bottom of post you have just read.

• See-- "0 Comments" or 1...or 2....pathetically 6 is the record for this little Blog.

• Click "0 Comments" or 1...or 2....pathetically 6 is the record number for this little Blog.

• Type Thoughts in Pop up Box.

• Click Anonymous or sign in with a g-mail account. Creative names are the best.."DieTeddyDie"

• Then Click "publish your comment"

I guess it's not that difficult to work in the odd picture here and there...

Nirvana Awaits Sayeth The Sages: Divisional Round

The Sages say...

It's that time of week again...Sage Advice! Because we're superstitious? No! Because we're Buddhist? No! Because it's a cheap way to infuse Jessica Alba pictures into a post about playoff football? No! Look..it is what is. Better not to ask questions but to know and accept that this nonsense is working...which means, of course, that it makes sense! Without further adieu...

Young fanatics...it is the elimination of suffering that you seek on your way to a perfect state: Nirvana. A victory will bring you peace and happiness thus one step closer to your ultimate goal of Nirvana/A Superbowl Victory. In this state you will be free of petty fixations and you will have compassion for all.

Look at our blog URL...are we capable of having compassion for all?

Trust us. Upon attainment of your goal the anguish in your lives will be extinguished...at that time you will receive an otherworldly glow that only others who have also received enlightenment will notice. When you have reached enlightenment you will find it easy to let go of the negative...

Is there anything else we can do to transcend this difficult task that awaits us at 1:45 pm on Sunday January 11th?

Remember your winning combinations....and stop the Defensive Player of The Year! He is an obstacle to Nirvana...

Thank you Sages.

Hmmm....Stop the Defensive Player of The Year....