Showing posts with label Fire Joe Morgan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fire Joe Morgan. Show all posts

Friday, February 10, 2012

Nick Canepa is not unlike a 12 year-old

Last evening, Nick Canepa of the UT opined:
Where’s the hook? Why should the people who spend money for tickets want to watch these Padres? And, if a star develops, will he spend more than a few years here before he becomes too expensive, a la Adrian Gonzalez and Bell? The ship carrying a Tony Gwynn sailing forever on the USS San Diego Discount has sailed.
I find Nick Canepa's reasoning intellectually dishonest. He acts like the San Diego Padres are the only team who fail to keep their players as they become free-agents when in reality it's pretty difficult for any team to do it.

Adrian Gonzalez, acquired for nearly nothing in the winter of 2005, entered the same zip code* as Albert Pujols in terms of his production and proceeded to price himself out of the plans of nearly every major league team. So the Padres did what they had to do and moved him for controllable players. But the Padres did what approximately 25 of the other  MLB franchises would be forced to do. Worth mentioning?

*Maybe not zip code. State?

And since I mentioned Pujols let me also remind Nick Canepa that the slugger's former employer failed to keep him in St. Louis for the duration of his career. The Cardinals are a team with a massive following, sell-out crowds, and money in the coffers yet Pujols was only allowed to stay as long as his contract remained team friendly. Now Albert Pujols is an Angel.

Nick Canepa cites the departure of Heath Bell as another example of a player becoming too expensive. But that's not the truth. Heath bell became too expensive to offer a contract for a third year*. The Padres only wanted to be committed for two years. But why such a short commitment, Nick? Let us count the ways -- he's fat, with declining strikeout numbers, and a large crooked number for his age. Isn't it being responsible for the Padres to find another resource to fill a position that is only utilized for 70 innings per year? In Nick Canepa's mind the answer is clearly no or he would have referenced Huston Street and the flexibility of his contract in terms of both years and dollars.

*At which time he would be 37.

I'm not beyond criticizing my favorite baseball team but let's be honest about it. If Nick Canepa had asked when the Padres were going to start locking-up its younger players (see Cameron Maybin) similar to the way the Tampa Bay Rays have done I'd probably be applauding him right here. Maybe mention Jonah Keri's The Extra 2% and how the Rays have found success with such strategies as did the Indians in the 1990s. And then mention that JOSH BYRNES WAS WITH THE INDIANS DURING THAT PERIOD OF TIME! YES! THE GUY IN THE PICTURE OF YOUR COLUMN!!!!

Canepa can't do this though. Perhaps the requisite research is above his pay-grade. Instead he gives us the same old arguments about the Padres when the reality is that the vast majority of teams can't keep players once they pass the threshold of super-stardom. These arguments, read by casual Padres fans, are then taken as gospel and repeated ad nauseum. The angry parishioners want answers and Canepa is their prophet. But they're receiving answers from someone who argues like a 12 year old*.

*From time to time I have the opportunity to work with 12 year-olds. These kids are fun but intellectually they aren't quite ready to put forth the effort to support their opinions -- because it requires work. Eventually they grow out of this condition. Well, most do.

As for Nick Canepa's question regarding why should Padres fans show up this season, I guess my answer would sound something like this: Because I love baseball?*

Absent gross malfeasance by the organization, isn't that reason enough?

*I could have also answered Canepa with more detail. More support of my opinions, if you will.

After the 2011 season he Padres added a bunch of pieces to a team in dire need of pieces and I'm curious to see the new formula in action. 

Under the tutelage of Darren Balsley, will Edinson Volquez return to the form that netted Josh Hamilton in a trade back in 2007? 

Will Yonder Alonso show the left-handed swing tauted as perfect for PETCO park? 

Will Cameron Maybin continue to show the abilities that have fans clamoring for a long term extension? 

Will Chase Headley and Tim Stuaffer continue to make strides forward?

Will Corey Leubke become a name known outside of San Diego? 

Does Carlos Quentin have a swing that plays in PETCO? Is he the anti-Ludwick?

Has the gutted bullpen been rebuilt because it's looking like there's some promise with Street, Cashner, and Boxberger? 

How many of the players from the number one system in Major League baseball (according to Keith Law), will make it to San Diego this summer? 

And I want to see the Padres beat up on the Dodgers, Giants, and Diamondbacks because Idisdain their existence.


I could come up with a few more intriguing questions/reasons but I'm at my threshold for words. Enjoy Fanfest if you're going tomorrow.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Media Commentary: A Major Award --The 2011 Homage to Suck

As of this writing Lee "Hacksaw" Hamilton of XX1090 holds a modest lead over the Union Tribune's Don Norcross for the worst piece of writing in 2011. Nick Canepa is in dead last* with 12% of the vote.
*Remember, coming in last place is a good thing in this competition. Although it still doesn't say much.

Who did I vote for? If you guessed Nick Canepa then you know AJM like the back of your hand.

This competition was difficult. While over 180 people viewed the post only 50 saw themselves fit to cast a vote. I respect that. If you're not a regular reader I was asking quite a bit of you to go review the work of these writers.* I appreciate you abstaining from the vote if you felt you didn't have the time to read their columns. Your exercise of caution is an admirable trait, a trait we we would do well to donate to our three nominees.

*Hacksaw is not a writer. He wrote something. There is a distinction.

But did I unduly influence you with how I worded the contestants' entries in the poll? Canepa's was the most innocuous. Norcross less so. But if someone wanted to vote without reading then a vote for Hacksaw would have been reasonable based on my unflattering remark about his attempt at writing.* Hacksaw's piece was also fresh on our minds. He was FJM'd the other day and, well he's Hacksaw.

*Lee Hacksaw Hamilton Throws-Up on Paper. And then Pushes Submit.

I went back and reread Nick Canepa's piece. I don't think people are giving Nick the proper credit for writing a truly poor column. It was bad.* So I voted for Nick. Primarily because he's been a newspaper man at the UT since the 60s. Maybe that's the problem. Never the less, I hold him to a higher standard than Hacksaw. Hacksaw isn't a writer. He's a talking head. And a muckraker. But he's no writer. In my eyes this honor belonged to Canepa, the pro.

*When I say "bad" I'm thinking Steven Segal post Hard To Kill. I bought Segal's pony-tail up until this point. I willed myself to believe that a guy with a pony-tail could be that bad-ass. It didn't hurt that he looked 6'5". And that he always did that move where he broke a guy's arm at the elbow. After Hard to Kill I stopped believing. In summation: Nick Canepa's effort was as bad as Steven Segal's pony tail, post-Hard To Kill, but most definitely not pre-Hard To Kill.

The funny thing. I knew Hacksaw would take the title. For one simple reason: he's a polarizing figure. We already knew this but here's further proof. In a span of 24 hours the FJM piece I wrote about Hacksaw became, by a sizable margin, the most read column for the month of December. Why? Because people love to ridicule* the Saw. Ridicule that is often deserved. And this is a problem.

* Do you ever listen to Jim Rome? He constantly mocks Hacksaw's voice and his shtick. Hacksaw has built A Sports Empire on bad PR from Jim Rome. Hacksaw is known across the country for being the punchline to a joke. RANCHO CUCAMONGA! Can you HEAR ME?

People don't necessarily have the time to research. They go to the radio because it's easy. It is a reflex, one that can be done concurrently with the action of commuting to and from work. People depend on the accuracy of information received from a guy who has been given a massive platform and megaphone. This isn't politics, no extra research need be necessary. It's sports and sports should be easy. But you and I know better. We've learned to take nothing at face value, not even our sporting news.

Why would XX1090 knowingly deceive us by putting this guy on the air?

I'm not positive if this analogy works but I would say that XX1090 views its listnership similarly to the way a casino looks at a bet on a football game. Both want to get action on each side. If 1,000,000 betters choose the Chargers this weekend and 1,000,000 take the Raiders the house wins because of the 10% "rake" on each bet. Similarly, a radio station with blindly faithful listeners to Hacksaw coupled with irate listeners who desire to make the phone call* reminding him that he's a big idiot is good for business. Both groups are listening and that equals profit.

*Or text! Text him your thoughts.

So XX1090 doesn't care about us. For a solid dose of reason we get Darren Smith in the afternoon but not after 4 hours of frontal lobe pollution from Lee "Hacksaw" Hamilton. And on top of it, they let him bang his ideas out on a keyboard. Yes, in addition to San Diego.com giving him a forum, XX1090 also posted Hacksaw's malarkey on their website.

This week we've seen Craig Elsten of 619 Sports filling in for a vacationing Darren Smith and in this time we've been privy to a polished and reasoned approach to every topic on the table. As I listen I imagine how perfect a fit Craig would be in Hacksaw's spot, leading into Darren Smith at 2 pm. And then I'm reminded of our betting analogy and I come back to a grim reality. A reality where intelligence is not a commodity willfully doled out to radio audiences.

We are stuck with Lee Hacksaw Hamilton. And I would say that we need NOT be stuck quietly. That we can use our voices to silence Hacksaw's. But in the end, that is all XX1090 really wants. Complaints mean we are listening. And the bills are being paid.

This however, does not mean we cannot call attention to the failings of our media members. You will have to set your own standards for what you are willing to accept from the media but here are mine:

When I witness egregious incoherence, profound lack of logic, or an utter absence of research in a published writing by a professional -- that professional will be called on it.*

* Throws mic down. 

Editor's Note [8:05 AM] 
I would be remiss if I did not point to Dan Hayes, Corey Brock, Craig Elsten and Tom Krasovic for giving us some semblance of sanity with their writing.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

The "You Don't Know Jack!" Year In Review: Crappy Writing Needs An Award Too

During the past three months I've written three scathing critiques of articles by locally based journalists. All writers will write an homage to suck here and there but when the piece has egregious factual errors that lead to deception amongst readers then comment must be put on the record. That is what I would like to think that I have done with the articles by Nick Canepa, Don Norcross, and Lee "Hacksaw" Hamilton.

Were these articles the absolute worst written by professional journalists in San Diego during 2011? Likely not. But make no mistake, they were poorly constructed, riddled with errors, and completely "mailed-in" by their respective authors. And so I shall nominate them for worst of the year.

You can click the author's name above to go directly to the article or below you will find the links for the criticisms, which may be the easiest way to refresh your memory:

Nick Canepa Gets the FJMing He Deserves
FJM'd: Don Norcross and his subject, Padres GM Josh Byrnes
FJM'd: Hacksaw refuses to do the math that could be done on his fingers

Or perhaps your memory is pristine and you need not go through such time consuming acts; then now is the time to get yourself to the polls. Decision 2011!


Monday, December 26, 2011

FJM'd: Hacksaw refuses to do the math that could be done on his fingers

Against my better judgement, I am going to give Lee "Hacksaw" Hamilton the Fire Joe Morgan treatment. I'm trying to convince myself that it's NOT a waste of time. But like you, I know that it is.

Hacksaw is terrible. And since he has been given a platform he needs to get called on it.

And all this started when the incoming owner, Jeff Moorad, moved Jake Peavy two summers ago to the White Sox for... guess again, more kids.

Jake Peavy was actually moved for a bag of balls, an Italian beef sandwich, an ex-QB from the University of Michigan, three warm bodies, and a ridiculous agreement by the Chicago White Sox to assume a gazillion dollar contract for an undersized power pitcher with a history of injuries.

Isn't this one of the things for which we should be thanking Jeff Moorad?


When will there be some type of reward for long suffering fans, who have now seen six losing seasons in the last nine campaigns?

Math. Let's do math. Six losing seasons in the last nine campaigns? When I read this it just didn't compute so you know what I did? Like all good Mathematicians, I used my fingers! Go with it!

RIGHT HAND
Thumb: 2011: Losing season
Pointer: 2010: Winning season
Middle: 2009: Losing season
Ring: 2008: Losing season
Pinkie: 2007: Winning season

LEFT HAND
Thumb: 2006: Winning season
Pointer: 2005: Winning season
Middle: 2004: Winning season
Ring: 2003: Losing season

That was fun. (don't believe my fingers? go here)

OK. Firstly: when you're talking about "the number of winning seasons" in the last "x number of seasons" you go back to the last winning season in the string of years, which would be 2004. PETCO Park also opened in 2004, so really, Saw should have been speaking about 8 campaigns rather than 9.

What about Saw's math?

Have the Padres only had 3 winning seasons in the last 9? Let's go back to our fingers.

Ahhhh, nope.

According to my fingers the Padres have had 5 winning seasons in their last 9 campaigns. Or 5 out of 8 in PETCO Park, which isn't too bad considering how angry the fan-base has been.

Miller Park debuted in Milwaukee, which led to a spending spree and playoff appearances.

Miller Park opened in 2001. The Brewers rewarded their fans with 4 consecutive losing seasons, 1 .500 season, another losing season, and a .512 season, before they won the Wild Card in 2008. In three of those losing seasons they finished dead last in the NL Central. And with 6 teams vying for a championship in the NL Central, this is where last place truly means something!

What about the Brewers' payroll during those initial years after the opening of Miller Park?

Here it goes: (2000: 23rd*) (2001: 23rd) (2002: 21st) (2003: 28th) (2004: 30th) (2005: 27th) (2006: 24th) (2007: 19th) (2008: 15th) (2009: 17th) (2010: 18th) (2011: 17th)

The ballpark didn't really lead to increased payroll for Milwaukee. Maybe if Saw took the time to research he could have used Milwaukee as a timeline model for how a new park can eventually lead a small market team to a payroll in the top 50% of the league. Or Almost the top 50% of the league.

Leaving too were 14-game winner Aaron Harang, and back of the rotation starter Wade LeBlanc.

Lamenting the loss of Wade LeBlanc? I'll stop now.

From all of the past trades, San Diego wound up with 9 young players and three additional draft picks, but you won't see any of them at Petco Park from your box seats this summer.

 Nine young players, huh? None of them in PETCO this summer? I don't even know who Saw is talking about here. The paragraph begins by talking about off-season moves and then he jumps to past trades. Is he including the warm bodies from the Peavy trade? There were 3 prospects from the Latos trade, 2 from Adams, 3 from Gonzalez. That doesn't add up to 9. Crap. This is vexing.

We know Alonso or Rizzo will be in San Diego. Rumor has it that we'll likely see Erlin, Wieland and Boxberger by summer. Maybe Casey Kelly, but more likely 2013. What was Hacksaw saying?

Alarming is the reality Moorad does not have the money to really own this.

Finally. A salient point. It took a while but Hacksaw made one (and I don't think he actually meant to do it).

Please don't allow the above 14 words to con you into reading the article. Just go to IKEA and do some shopping.

*I put the year 2000 payroll in for the Brewers just to show that there was no change (relative to the rest of MLB) in payroll as they moved into Miller Park.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

FJM'd: Don Norcross and his subject, Padres GM Josh Byrnes

Sometimes the subject of an interview has many stupid things to say. If every stupid thing the subject says is included in the final column or the writer fails to frame it ever so precisely, unintended and overwhelming folly ensues. For both writer and subject.

I give you new Padres GM Josh Byrnes as reported so terribly by the Union Tribune's Don Norcross....


The plane carrying the victorious, bleary-eyed Boston Red Sox from St. Louis landed in Beantown at about sunrise. The Curse of the Bambino had been exorcised, the 2004 Red Sox sweeping the Cardinals in baseball’s 100th World Series, 86 years of heartache laid to rest.

Just when people were beginning to believe that Jalalabad, Afghanistan was San Diego's Sister city Don Norcross steps in to set things straight with the Boston, Massachusetts reference. I think the point would have been stronger had he mentioned Ted Williams, Bobby Doerr, Adrian Gonzalez, Theo Epstein, and Jed Hoyer.

Boston was yawning, still wiping sleep from its eyes as buses transporting the Red Sox to Fenway Park swept through downtown. But when the a.m. types realized the buses’ occupants, they celebrated.

New York is the town that never sleeps. Boston is the city that yawns. Tell me more...

Fans unfurled morning newspapers, shaking them at their heroes. Construction workers standing atop scaffolding jumped up and down.

With dwindling circulation, Don Norcross plants the seeds that will turn the UT back into a cash cow. I can't stand feeling inferior to Boston. I can read. I can unfurl a newspaper! Give me more UT. Don Norcross is a genius!

Wait . . . what is this article about?

Byrnes smiles and says, “It’d be pretty nice to bring that first World Series championship to San Diego.” 

Oh, hey! Josh Byrnes! New Padres GM! I thought this was the UT's travel section.

 In Hoyer’s place as general manager arrives Byrnes, at 41 only four years older than Hoyer, but, his perpetual smile aside, seemingly more hardened. Termination will do that. Only 18 months ago, Byrnes was pink-slipped as Arizona’s GM with five years remaining on his contract. 

An excellent job creating empathy for the new guy in town. If I signed an 8 year contract and got to sit around doing nothing while collecting the remaining 5 years I would be hardened too. Harder than a motherf*&ker!

“He was hurt, no doubt,” says Byrnes’ wife, Charity, a Mt. Carmel High graduate. “To be in this business, it’s not just a job. It sort of overcomes you and your family. He gave his heart and soul. It was very painful. To be honest, it’s not gone.

Oh lord. You included a quote from his wife, Don? She sounds like my mom after I got snubbed for All-Stars when I was 12 . . . which incidentally, was a travesty.

Moms and wives only discredit arguments, Don. They're too emotional. Charity from Mt. Carmel has discredited her husband and our GM before he's even started his first season. Way to emasculate the guy, Charity... AND Don!

“He’s moved on, but at the same time, it’s not like he roots for Arizona. Even if we were in the AL Central, he wouldn’t root for them, let alone being in the same division.”

Great. Now you're letting his wife pick a fight with Arizona? Wait. Perhaps I can get behind that sort of childlike pettiness.

So who is Josh Byrnes, the Padres’ ninth general manager as the club approaches its 44th season?

Oh, finally...

He was raised in Washington, D.C., by a single mother whom he unabashedly admits is the most influential person in his life. Sue Byrnes worked in government relations for a New York public relations firm, making the rounds in Congress.

So he's a momma's boy?

She stood on the National Mall for Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech. She worked for Bobby Kennedy and met JFK when he was president.

What does this have to do with the Padres new GM? And you're doing his poor single mother no favors by putting her name in the same circles as Jack and Bobby Kennedy.

“With my mouth wide open,” she says. “I couldn’t say anything.”

Couldn't say anything about what? About witnessing MLK's historic speech or meeting JFK?

If you're leaving me to guess then  I'm going to go with the time Josh ate his poo after it squirted out of his diaper as he ate butternut squash in his high-chair during his 18th month of life.

She volunteers for President Obama.

Now it all makes sense. This is a political piece. Mother Byrnes' socialist leanings have prepared Josh to run a franchise that requires dependence on revenue sharing from the well-to-do. This article is versatile. It could have been on the front page of the Union Tribune. Below the fold, of course.

Josh Byrnes attended private school with Jesse Jackson’s son, Yusef, and basketball star Grant Hill. Byrnes’ best friend since the age of 5 is African American.

I attended school with a star football player who robbed a doughnut store. It was not a private school. Josh Byrnes is better than my type. He's upper-crust. And now, like a proper leftist with DC beginnings, he's slumming it with a bottom feeder organization like the Padres.

Regarding his youth athletics, he says, “Often times, I was the minority on the field.”

The good readers of San Diego are questioning the inclusion of this quote by Norcross as irrelevant but I think they're missing the point. Josh Byrnes' has experience as a minority and it will be no different as an executive of a Major League Baseball franchise. Just look at the picture that accompanies this UT article. Things are never easy for guys who look like Josh Byrnes.

Speaking of youth athletics . . . I too was a minority on the field. I was one of the only ones who had the courage to attempt switch-hitting as a youngster. I looked like an athletic female. Like Jessica Biel.

On the subject of diversity, he adds, “People are different. We don’t all need to look alike and think alike.”
  
AJM Quick Poll:

More ridiculous? 
1.) Josh Byrnes' trite commentary.
2.) Don Norcross' inclusion of trite commentary.

“He was a Division I talent playing at a Division III school,” says Thad Levine, a Haverford teammate who worked with Byrnes at Colorado and is now the Texas Rangers’ assistant general manager.

Underachiever! He'll fit nicely within the San Diego sports scene.

Byrnes’ senior year, a scout checking out an Eastern University infielder asked Haverford’s coach if he had a prospect. The coach said to keep an eye on Byrnes. Byrnes hit a grand slam off the prospect, who also pitched.

So the prospect was being scouted as an infielder? But like most good athletes at small universities he also pitched? But he was being scouted as an infielder, not a pitcher? And Josh Byrnes hit a home run off the prospect . . . who was an infielder, not a pitcher?

And the fact that the scout overlooked him brought surprise to Josh Byrnes?

Recalls Byrnes, “I said, ‘OK, I’ve done about all I can do.’ The phone never rang.”

See previous commentary.

Life’s fork in the road came at a Haverford alumni baseball game. Haverford’s coach said Byrnes should spend some time with Ron Shapiro, a Haverford alum and baseball agent whose clientele included Cal Ripken Jr., Kirby Puckett and Eddie Murray.

You gotta know people in life, and Josh Byrnes seems to have been blessed by the contacts only one could make by attending a prestigious school like Harvard. I mean Haverford.

And so began Byrnes’ baseball escalator ride. From Indians intern in 1994 to director of scouting by 1999. From Rockies assistant GM in ’99 to Red Sox assistant GM in 2002. From Diamondbacks’ GM in 2005 to fired in 2010, now to Padres GM.

The Byrnes ascension through the ranks seems like a dream come true. Not something that would harden one to reality. Don Norcross disagrees. Because agreement would have required a rewrite. And he was at deadline.

Former co-workers rattle off common success traits when describing Byrnes: intellectual, disciplined, driven. There’s another quality that may set him apart — a willingness to think outside the box.

There's only one way to think when running a team like the Padres . . . and that's outside the box. What are we in store for? Left handed first basemen? Left handed catchers? Pitchers hitting 8th?!!

So the Rockies devised an “intern quiz” that would reveal if applicants were longtime baseball fans. Who was the player who famously put his arm around Jackie Robinson? (Pee Wee Reese.) Who hit the ball to center field when Willie Mays made his famous over-the-shoulder catch at the Polo Grounds? (Vic Wertz.)

An "intern quiz"? That's outside of the box? If an intern quiz is devised in such a way that I might get the job . . . there might be a problem. 

I like the Jackie Robinson/Pee Wee Reese diversity question though. It supports Josh Byrnes's assertion that his best friend, as a youth, was African-American.

At Cleveland, Byrnes supported the drafting of a player some deemed too big (CC Sabathia). At Boston, he endorsed selecting a player considered too small (Dustin Pedroia).

Josh Byrnes' belief in diversity is not limited to issues of race.

Look forward to drafts that include lumbering corner outfielders that defy the spaciousness of PETCO Park and pygmies out of Papua New Guinea to play the middle infield. Goodbye, Orlando Hudson!.

And at Arizona in 2009, he hired A.J. Hinch as manager even though Hinch had never coached or managed professionally.

Continuing with the theme of "looking forward" can I suggest a Managerial Triumvirate comprised of Mark Loretta, Trevor Hoffman and Chris Denorfia who will teach outfield dives?

“I was shocked,” admits Hinch.

I once hired an electrician to fix leaky plumbing in the kitchen. The leak was stemmed to a moderate drip which was an unforeseen surprise. The piping however, was now decorated like a Christmas Tree, which was freaking awesome!

I was shocked. Pleasantly.

Alas, if you dare to be great, sometimes you fall flat. The Diamondbacks posted an 89-123 record under Hinch. On July 1, 2010, Hinch and Byrnes were fired. 

Managers are only worth a few wins a year. This record speaks more to the team Byrnes assembled. And also how crappy AJ Hinch was a manager. I'm starting to write like Don Norcross. Forgive me.

Hinch is now a Padres assistant general manager.

Mediocrity must be rewarded. Very "outside the box".

Regarding the Hinch-as-manager experiment, Byrnes says, “We just never won enough. Anytime you have a controversial hire, you’re on a short leash. When we didn’t produce winning baseball, the natives got pretty restless.”

Natives in Arizona? Laughable!

Asked how the Padres can win with a modest payroll, Byrnes says, “I’m a big believer in belief. I think belief is a powerful thing.”

San Diego needs more believers in belief. If you believe hard enough it's good for at least one comma and three zeroes added to the bottom line. Believe it.

Like Hoyer, Byrnes believes there are no quick fixes and that the Padres must build in the same manner as the Tampa Bay Rays, via the draft.

If there was any doubt in Josh Byrnes and his belief in belief, Don Norcross erased it with this excerpt.

A Padres championship team, he says, must be built around pitching and defense. The team needs more dominant starting pitching. Position players, he says, must be built around speed, defense, quality at-bats “and a tenacious relentlessness about how they play.”

Tenacious relentlessness. It's like persistent single-mindedness. But with a teaspoon of stubborness.

He’s a Cameron Maybin believer and wants to sign the center fielder to a contract extension, although talks have not intensified.

If you believe, thy Cameron Maybin will extend.

If the man is worried, he conceals it well. Kevin Towers’ GM signature was his brashness, his most memorable line directed to the Dodgers — “There’s a new sheriff in town.”

I think the internet has covered this misstep ad nauseum. In Don Norcross' defense... Kevin Malone was pretty forgettable.

Byrnes’ handle, for now, is his smile. Not a goofy, happy-go-lucky grin. Just a content, life-is-good smile.

 Goofy, happy-go-lucky grin? Why does Heath Bell need to get a kick in the balls on the way out the door?

Sue Byrnes says her son has been that way since he slept in a crib. “He would wake up with a big smile on his face,” Sue says. “I called him Mr. Sunshine.”

Awwwww. Moms are the best.

****
 Don Norcross and Nick Canepa are making this off-season fun.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Giving Nick Canepa The FJMing He Deserves

Fire Joe Morgan, the great website that moved onto a better, media-free world in late 2008, was the preeminent place for sports media criticism. Thus, to receive an FJMing, signifies a public demand for blood (or plasma if you would prefer) because a member of the media either mailed it in or failed at their most important task; making sense.

Which brings me to Saturday's column by Nick Canepa of the San Diego Union Tribune. I don't always agree with Nick Canepa. I'm speaking in code: what I mean to say is, I rarely ever agree with the man. But his article yesterday was on another level of "me-no-makey-sense". Let's explore.

Sez Me …

And here we go. Is there anything more tired than "Sez Me"? It's like always talking about Sculpin IPA or misspelling Will Venable's name.

In was in early October, 2009, that Padres boss Jeff Moorad fired General Manager Kevin Towers, and I wrote he’d just made the first major blunder of his captaincy.

Totally stupid blunder. Kevin Towers had only been here for 15 years. So dumb. It was like divorcing your wife after being married for 30 years and forfeiting nearly everything you own. Wait... someone did do that... we refer to him in these parts as, "The Guy Who Hired Kevin Towers In 1995". We're creative with our names around here.

For what money I have, Towers is the best GM in baseball, as he once again proved when he turned around woeful Arizona in a Phoenix minute (slower than New York’s, but fast enough).

Best GM in baseball based on having little money? I don't know what kind of money Nick Canepa has in his bank account but based on this being a Padres article I'm guessing it's nothing. I'm confused. Are there not better GMs than the guy who acquired Randy Meyers in 1998? And are we really assigning all of the credit in Arizona to Kevin Towers? People also wanted to give Towers the credit when Jed Hoyer was doing his part here in 2010. That Kevin Towers is clearly a God.

Moorad’s second blunder, obviously, was hiring Jed Hoyer as Towers’ replacement.

It would have been better to leave the position of GM vacant. Or bring back Joe McIlvaine.

Not that there was anything terribly wrong with Jed. Except that, coming here from snooty Boston, he obviously preferred big bowls of chowder to fish tacos. 

 Is this a small fish in a big bowl of chowder analogy? Or are we starting to equate snobbery with those who revel in soup?

So after two seasons he’s taken the first plane out of town to join fellow Red Sox brat packer Theo Epstein, who’s been given run of the dilapidated — but wealthy — Cubs.

Finally! A pop-culture reference! I loved Breakfast Club. And it was filmed in Chicago. Nick Canepa is owning us right now. OWNING. US.

Despite looking like a kid about to buy a prom night corsage, Hoyer seemed to know what he was doing. 

Wait. He looked like he knew what he was doing yet the hire was a blunder? Canepa is running circles around us. RUNNING. CIRCLES. AROUND. US. (My prom sucked. Canepa is mind-f*cking me right now.)

Like his predecessor, Hoyer was hamstrung by the Padres’ tight wallet. Unlike Towers, he chose not to stick around to see if he could handle the challenge and finish the work.

Towers stuck around for a reason. He wasn't fired sooner. You see, when a market is small, there is little chance of success unless the farm system is loaded. Towers failed to load the farm. Yet he kept his job. It's mysterious.

At least Epstein saw things through in Boston. Hoyer didn’t come close here.

Actually, in Theo Epstein's second year at the helm in Boston a World Series was claimed. And then Epstein quit after year three. Why? Because he wanted a contract extension. Just like Jed Hoyer.

Towers may not have drafted well — something I never will fully comprehend — but he had the great ability to fleece people in trades (the David Freese–for-Jim Edmonds deal was not one of them, but nobody’s perfect), and he got the club into the playoffs and World Series on a handmaiden’s budget.

CANEPA. IS. CORRECT. Towers was terrible in the draft! It's why the Padres haven't had a more sustained run of success.

But I must take umbrage with the crazy talk about getting the Padres to the World Series on a handmaiden's budget. Firstly because, I have no idea about the earning power of a handmaiden. Secondly, because the internet exists. The internet tells me that the Padres had the 9th highest payroll in 1998 and the disparity between 1st and 9th was a paltry $19 million.

And speaking of fleece(ing) I have two things to say: it's a comfortable product and also what Jed Hoyer did to the Florida Marlins. Hello Cameron Maybin. Goodbye fungible relief pitchers. (YES! I finally used the word fungible in a sentence.)

And no GM — maybe no GM ever — was better with pitchers, baseball’s plasma.

Some people write of "blood and guts" and others deal in "intestinal fortitude". Nick Canepa and I both broker in plasma. I sold my plasma in college and it allowed me to party like a rock star on Thursday nights.

Hoyer was in the process of rebuilding the club’s farm system, a good thing, when the glitter of Michigan Avenue beckoned. 

I have submitted "...rebuilding the club's farm system, a good thing...." as the understatement of the Mother f*ckING year.

At least he had that going for him, but even Jed readily admitted he screwed up this past off-season, sweeping a 90-win team of clubhouse leadership and miscalculating on veteran free agents who couldn’t cut it anymore.

I'm not a Hoyer apologist. But it's hard to calculate correctly on veteran free agents when the calculator you've been given is void of so many decimal places. You know this, Nick. So why mention it?

Young Hoyer also either bowed to upper management or public (I hope not) pressure to bring slugging minor league first baseman Anthony Rizzo

That Rizzo kid, for lack of a better word, RAPED the Pacific Coast League while an inept Brad Hawpe manned first base in PETCO Park. Why wouldn't he have been promoted?

Enter Josh Byrnes, former GM of the Diamondbacks when Moorad ran that club.

Our transformation is complete. We are now the San Diego Diamondbacks.

Byrnes was canned in Arizona, but he did some good things there. Many of the players Towers won with this year were brought in with Byrnes on the bridge. 

 I thought Towers gets all the credit because he's the Pitcher Whisperer. And there's also the matter of plasma.

What Towers did there was create a winning pitching staff and bullpen, his forte.

Uhhh.... Nick... I guess I'll give you the bullpen (only because, like you, I don't want to do the research) but the Diamondbacks only had four legitimate starters this year, three of which were acquired by Josh Byrnes (Hudson, Kennedy, Collmenter) and the other by Jerry Dipoto (Saunders). Good point though.

Byrnes, at 41, has a pedigree, having studied under good baseball people along the way. Hopefully, he’ll be more than a San Diego comet. Hopefully, he’ll buy, not rent.

Josh Byrnes has good pedigree. He's like a dog. And I'll be honest-- people who by houses are comfortable. I don't want a guy who's comfortable. Kevin Towers was comfortable. 15 years comfortable.

If Moorad wants to build a winner here, he has to keep GMs around long enough to learn their names. He can’t afford Blunder No. 3. …

 Jed's name only has three letters and I've heard Jeff Moorad say it on the Darren Smith Show numerous times. "Josh" on the other hand is a hella tricky name to master.

Losing assistant GM Jason McLeod, who’s headed for Chicago with Hoyer, may be the bigger loss …

Finally Nick Canepa makes crystal clear sense of this mess. I wish the clarity would have occurred before word number 553 of the column (I counted).

Epstein already has put the kibosh on Hoyer’s first planned move, signing Brad Hawpe …

Haha. Brad Hawpe jokes will never get old.

I can't wait to do this again.