Cuckoo for Nick Canepa: Subjective payroll analysis

Nick Canepa wrote a column about Phil Mickelson's role in the new Padres ownership group. And if you can imagine, I took umbrage with a small part:

Many San Diegans who voted for the building of Petco Park feel they were victims of a bait-and-switch by Padres ownership, believing Moores and management had not delivered on their promise of a solid, contending franchise. The Padres never said they were going to spend like the Yankees, but player payroll has been among the lowest in baseball for some time and the results haven’t always been pleasant.

In many ways I agree with the first part of this excerpt. Proposition 98 passed after the Padres' World Series appearance against the Yankees and then Moores packed it in until 2004. This (in)action was horribly unfair to Padres fans.

My issue is with Canepa's last sentence. It feels lazy. Canepa writes:

 ...player payroll has been among the lowest in baseball for some time...

When Canepa writes this I feel it's lazy because it is written in a way that says, "I don't really care to do any research."


Payroll has been the lowest for "sometime"? It's such a subjective frame of reference, what does that even mean? And what defines "lowest"? This is also subjective. Are we talking bottom half, third, or quarter of the league in payroll? With 30 teams in MLB, one could say that team number 15 is part of the lowest.

What do Padres fans know right now? We know that payroll has been brutally low since John Moores decided to put a mistress on the books. His subsequent divorce diminished the product on the field from 2009-2012. But the Moores divorce is not the entire story of payroll history in the East Village. PETCO Park existed from 2004-2008 and if my memory serves correctly I don't think that payroll was among the lowest in MLB at that time.

Let's define "lowest" payroll. It's completely subjective but I'm going to say that it is defined by being in the bottom 3rd of the league. So:

Teams 1-10 are the top third -- Well-to-do types.
Teams 11-20 are middle third -- Floating along, accidental like on the wind.
Teams 21-30 are the bottom third -- Living off revenue sharing.

I have yet to research this so I run the risk of making Nick Canepa look like he was correct but I think the exercise is valid regardless.

Let's take a  look at opening day payroll and where the Padres ranked amongst their competitors. (Here is a second source, and probably a more reliable one, which shows nearly identical dollar amounts).

2004 -- 18th place -- Middle Third -- $54, 639, 503
2005 -- 17th place -- Middle Third -- $62, 888, 192
2006 -- 17th place -- Middle Third -- $69, 896, 141
2007 -- 24th place -- Bottom Third -- $58, 110, 567
2008 -- 19th place -- Middle Third -- $73, 677, 616
2009 -- 29th place -- Bottom Third -- $42, 796, 700
2010 -- 29th place -- Bottom Third -- $37, 799, 300
2011 -- 28th place -- Bottom Third -- $45, 869, 140
2012 -- 30th place -- Bottom Third -- $55, 244, 700

So what does this information tell us?

During the PETCO Park era, payroll has fluctuated between the bottom middle third of MLB teams and the absolute bottom of the bottom third.

The first 5 years in PETCO Park (almost first 5 years . . . damn you 2007 for ruining my narrative!) the Padres were in the middle third of payroll. I believe this is where payroll should be*.

*A run of sustained success where attendance is thriving and people in San Diego actually care could allow the Padres to push the upper threshold of the middle third in payroll. Merely an opinion, thinking out loud.

We see that the dramatic shift in payroll occurs in 2009 at the time when John Moores began going through a divorce and sold the team on layaway to the Jeffrey Moorad group.

This all comes down to the use of subjective reasoning to shape narratives. Padres fans have the right to be perturbed at the team and for their thrifty ways in a new ball park but a newspaper's job is to provide adequate information to illuminate its readership.

I think Canepa fails here by using what I've termed "lazy" language. The type of language that says, "I don't care to do any research because it takes too long and god damn it, I have a narrative that I'm sticking too and for cripes sake this whole article is about Phil Mickelson, who is not Mike Schmidt, anyways! Geez! Don't you people have a sense of humor?"

Cuckoo for Nick Canepa: A telephone call to discuss how Chase Headley is still not Mike Schmidt

Following Kevin Acee's lead, Nick Canepa used Thursday morning's edition of the U-T to finally throw his two cents into the mix regarding Josh Byrnes' deadline non-moves and extensions.

I called out both columnists last week for not writing anything about the Quentin extension and it kind of pissed Canepa off. What can I say . . . I'm cuckoo.

Nick Canepa's Thursday column was pretty well written. I found myself nodding my head in agreement. And then the whole column unraveled.

As Canepa praised Josh Byrnes and my head nodded, a familiar jewel emerged:

What a professional July for Byrnes. He extended the contracts of left fielder Carlos Quentin and closer Huston Street and refused to give away Headley, who isn’t Mike Schmidt but may be his most reliable position player.

 Wut the wut? Didn't Nick use this same Mike Schmidt reference a couple of weeks ago?

I could not let this comparison stand! I decided to call Nick Canepa and record the call for your enjoyment . . .


[Pleasantries exchanged. Loathing confirmed.]

AJM: Who is Mike Schmidt?

CANEPA: Seriously? He was a third baseman for the Phillies.

AJM: Did he have a mustache?

CANEPA: Yes. What's your point?

AJM: I'm trying to figure something out, be patient. Was he a switch hitter?

CANEPA: That's the problem with young people. Asking if Michael Jack Schmidt was a switch hitter? You're an idiot.

AJM: I meant sexually.

CANEPA: What?

AJM: Never mind. Did he win MVP awards?

CANEPA: Three, Senor Internet writer. Avenging Jack Murphy. What a bunch of crap.

AJM: Be patient. Did he win gold gloves?

CANEPA: He was the best. How old are you?

AJM: My age is not relevant to this discussion.

CANEPA: Your brain is not germane to this discussion.

AJM: German? I'm not German. What does that have to . . .

CANEPA: What is the point of all of this?

AJM: Sorry. If Chase Headley shaved his beard but kept his mustache would he kind of be like Mike Schmidt?

CANEPA: Have you even seen Schmidt's mustache? His mustache was the Johnny Weismuller of mustaches.

AJM: Who?

CANEPA: Its an Olympics reference. That's the problem with people today, they don't appreciate yesterday. You've probably never even seen a Bogart film.

AJM: I forgot what, oh wait. Bogart?

CANEPA: Bogart! Do you even read my columns before you lampoon them?

AJM: Let's move this along, sir. I know you're busy. Has anyone ever really suggested that Chase Headley is Mike Schmidt? I'm pretty sure everyone is aware that he's good, and could have value to many teams, but that he's no Hall of Famer. Certainly no Mike Schmidt.

CANEPA: I'm trying to make a point by using the Schmidt reference ad nauseum.

AJM: Well, I don't get it.

CANEPA: Good god, don't you people have a sense of humor? Would it have worked better if I had written that Chase Headley is no Joe Randa?

AJM: [... smiles...]

AJM: [...squeals like school girl...]

AJM: [... quickly hangs up phone...]

AJM; [... goes and writes in diary...]

*I didn't actually call Nick Canepa. This is merely an imagined phone-call Q&A with Nick Canepa.

Kevin Acee takes it upon himself to write about the Padres after winning a game of Candy Land with Nick Canepa

In the interest of fairness it is my duty to type kind words towards the U-T's Kevin Acee.

It took a week but a U-T columnist finally acknowledged the contract extension of Carlos Quentin. Of course the catalyst for the Quentin mention was the off-the-wall extension of closer Huston Street, but hey, complainers can't quibble. Or can they . . .


Of course they can! But I'm not going to.  I'll just suggest that you go read Kevin Acee's column, Street signing points in right direction,  providing this tasty nugget for you:

Clearly, what’s underway is an attempt to reverse history, to stem the attrition and to no longer be awful.

I enjoyed this line. Pointed and accurate, it's a piece of criticism that the Padres are deserving of, no matter how many positives future generations of ownership perform. The ownership of the hour in San Diego will always be paying for the sins of their Padres*. It is a disappointing reality based on more than 40 years of pain.

*Do you see what I did there? Padres = Fathers? Oh never mind.

And what of the Huston Street extension? When I heard that extension talks were underway with Street, despite his excellent numbers, I thought it was ludicrous! When I heard that the Padres and Street consummated the deal on Sunday I was incredulous!

Then I saw the terms of the deal. Two years at $7M annually for a relatively young guy who currently earns more than that in 2012? I'm not sure what Street's thought process is but I think that this was a good deal for the Padres. This is the deal the Padres would have liked to have given Heath Bell which we now see would have been like wiping our rear ends with $14M and then pissing on it and lighting it on fire. A disgusting proposition.

Huston Street's K/9 has jumped by 3 over the previous two seasons. Will this rate continue? If not what will Street look like as a Padre? And by what will Street look like as a Padre, I don't mean in 2013 and 2014, but in a matter of days?

In closing, I'm glad that Nick Canepa didn't write the linked column from above.

A tree falling in an empty wood (or how U-T columnists cover the Carlos Quentin extension)

The sports columnists for the U-T, Nick Canepa and Kevin Acee, have each been critical of the Padres during the 2012 season, and fairly so. Each writer also stated unique views of Padres LF Carlos Quentin earlier in the season.

Allow me to take you on a timeline tour . . .


JUNE 3rd
Nick Canepa pens a column critical of the Padres with Carlos Quentin at its epicenter. Canepa writes:

And I say, no. Keep him. Re-sign him. Give the suffering fans in this town a hook on which to hang their hat. Be somebody for a change. Man up. It’s time to stop taking organizational laxatives and eat some cheese, rice and crow — you know, something that binds. 

When you tell somebody to "man-up" you're essentially calling them a girl which is sexist and offensive to the delicate sensibilities of the masses. When somebody does "man-up" it should be acknowledged. A form of "manning-up*", if you will.

*I foresee a Peyton Manning column in our future.


JUNE 6th
Kevin Acee pens a column critical of the Padres with Carlos Quentin at its epicenter: Acee writes:

So it is with much reluctance that I submit Carlos Quentin as trade bait.

 Disagreeing with the lead columnist? I like it.

Bottom line, the Padres aren’t good enough (or that close to getting there) to justify keeping Quentin right now. And besides, I just don’t believe Quentin is a guy you build your team around. Not that he needs to rise to that level to justify keeping him, but I’m not even sure the Padres could afford him at $7 or $8 million a year, which he will certainly deserve after this season.  

So you're saying the Padres don't have money? So it might be a story if they could spend that much? Or that if, by some act of God, the Padres spent even more, it would be a three part series!?

Oh, the Padres will be better if they have Quentin.

 Wait. So they should keep him? I sense conflict and passion, the seed and fertilizer of stories!

Now is the time when we fast-forward along our line of time. The Padres are terrible, Huston Street is an All Star even though Acee think Denorfia should represent San Diego, the Chargers season is on the horizon, blah, blah, blah . . .

July 22nd (morning)
Carlos Quentin signs a three year, $27M dollar contract extension with the San Diego Padres. The contract includes a No Trade Clause.

July 22nd (evening)
Nick Canepa does his best Nancy Drew and writes about Chargers Mysteries.

July 23rd
Kevin Acee writes about Penn State and how it got what it deserved. What it deserved? I'm assuming this column includes descriptive epithets about rape and death.

July 24th
Nick Canepa writes about a football referee. A fricking retired NFL referee!
Kevin Acee writes about Chargers rookie free agents and which ones might make the roster.

July 25th
Kevin Acee writes about AJ Smith signing players to contract extensions and doing it NOW! And as a bonus Acee throws in a little story on what the depth chart looks like on the eve of training camp. Depth charts. Yeah, those never change.

July 26th
Nick Canepa writes about the battle for the Chargers' kicking job. Guys who strike balls with their feet! Guys who can't tackle. Guys who are on the field for an aggregate of two minutes each game.

Kevin Acee's U-T archive
Nick Canepa's U-T archive

For two columnists who held such passionate feelings about the future of Carlos Quentin in early June, I find it astounding that neither has written a story about his contract extension. Don't they think it was a terrible decision to sign an injury prone player who's about to turn 30? Don't they think the extension represents a commitment to fans and ultimately a sign of hope that future dollars will be spent on talent in San Diego? A little of both maybe?

The financial commitment to Quentin represents the largest flow of cash* from the Padres since the great Little League uniform distribution of '12, yet nary a story was written?

* Just kidding. I think it was the remodeling effort for the introduction of a Hodads location at PETCO Park.

These statements and questions from me are merely rhetorical outrage. I'm not really surprised. We've heard both Canepa and Acee tell us how many clicks their Chargers stories get. We know that the Manchester & Lynch regime is but a cheerleader for all things Chargers and that they direct which stories will be written.

Maybe our columnists have directives from above to ignore the story and to instead write Chargers fluff as illustrated by our timeline above. What this amateur knows though, is that the Quentin extension is a story, good or bad.

I wonder if our columnists even had a professional desire to follow up their columns from June. Furthermore, I question that if the Quentin extension story was on their radar, would they have even fought to write the piece?

I hope it's the former. And latter.

Cuckoo For Nick Canepa: People Chase Headley is not

In Monday's U-T Nick Canepa went on about how the 2012 Dream Team could beat the original Dream Team while simultaneously acknowledging the following:

• Michael Jordan was in his prime.
• Charles Barkley was phenomenal in 1992.
• People "who know the game" say that the best basketball ever played was during the 1992 Dream Team closed session practices.
• The 2012 edition of the Dream Team will get beat this year if it's not careful.

It was brilliant stuff. Let's move on to where he discusses Chase Headley in his hodge-podge-Sez-Me type column in which he never actually says "Sez Me" but certainly means it . . .


Nick Canepa would have us believe the following:

• Chase Headley will be traded.
• The Padres have depth at third base in the minors.
• Fred McGriff was given away in trade back in 1993.
• The columnist hates inter-division trades.
• Chase Headley is not Mike Schmidt.
• If a trade is executed between the rivals then the Padres should receive Magic Johnson.

Let's just see how Canepa wrote it:

Chase Headley is going to be traded. Let's just hope the Padres, who have some minor-league depth at third base, don't give him away (ala Fred McGriff). I hate inter-division trades. If the Dodgers want Headley, who is not Mike Schmidt, they should have to surrender Magic Johnson ...

I don't get Canepa.

Chase Headley, who is not Brooks Robinson, is a good ball player, a solid ball player.

Most fans would be loathe to watch Chase Headley, who is not Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah's couch professing his love for Katie Holmes, don Dodger blue but Canepa is ignoring a very important point.

If you want value for Chase Headley, who is not Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft, then you have to be willing to deal with every club in each league.

This is not the distant past. There will be no fire-sale, the likes of which fans endured in 1993. The current owners need to keep some value on this club so they're not just going to dump Chase Headley, who is not Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney.

Is there depth in the Padres minor league system? Sure. There's James Darnell, who is not Jed Gyorko. And there's Jed Gyorko, who is not Chase Headley (who incidentally is not The Savior or the Anti-Christ).

I just hope that if the Padres do trade Chase Headley, who is not Mercury 7 astronaut Wally Schirra, they get a windfall for him. Alas, I don't know if Chase Headley, who is not Jessica Alba in her prime, is a player who could command some sort of franchise altering wealth of talent to move to San Diego.

But if Chase Headley, who is not George Brett, was Jessica Alba in her prime then we'd be looking at an entirely different reality.

But Chase Headley, who is not Wade Boggs, is Chase Headley. So I guess we'll have to wait until July 31st to find out what becomes of Chase Headley, who is none of the above listed names.

Editor's Note:
No superstar team led by Michael Jordan would lose to the 2012 Dream Team.

Cuckoo for Nick Canepa: Analogy predictions

Enough of the serious fate-of-print-media-in-a-digital-world posts. Alright? Let's get Cuckoo for Nick Canepa . . .


Yesterday Nick Canepa wrote a column about Padres pitching and the scarcity of health within the entire staff. A commentary on the wrath of Tommy John and the hold the miserable ex-Dodger has over our youthful arms, so to speak.

The column was good. It was fair. It was inquisitive. Wait . . . let me read it again. No, it was good. Aside from the allusion to farts in Spring Training it did well to mention the rash of arm injuries but also to ask why such arm injuries are occurring. After all, these sorts of things didn't happen in Nick Canepa's day. Pitchers were tougher. Nick Canepa didn't say that. I DID!

Jump inside of my head and play a game I've developed called:

Guess the Nick Canepa Analogy NOW, You Present Day Sissy!

If you've read the column then just go along with my premise. Now the column is about arm injuries suffered by Padres pitchers and carries a title of Armed and Endangered. With so many arms injured and unavailable I read in anticipation of a specific analogy that Canepa would surely make. Something about guns and sharks, maybe!

What do you think?

To my astonished Sunday morning eyes, Nick Canepa passed up a sure fire Cuban Missile Crisis/ Cold War/ Arms Race reference. With both Yonder Alonso and Yasmani Grandal (Cuban exiles) taking the field each day, the wealth of arms drafted in the June Amateur draft, and the failing arms at the big league level an Arms Race analogy seemed like a given.

But I was wrong. Nick Canepa surprised me. Congrats, Nick.

Cuckoo for Canepa Analogy:

Call it the Padres Pitching Pandemic. Historic Injury figures aren't readily available, but it's hard to fathom a major league pitching staff that has suffered such a barrage of various arm maladies, some serious enough to require surgery. Instead of the arms of Krupp, this baseball club has been the arms of Venus de Milo.

A freaking Venus de Milo reference! No arms! Ha ha. Didn't even see that coming.

And what of the reference to "the arms of Krupp"?

It could be argued that the Krupp family (German weapons manufacturer) of the Arms of Krupp was the forefather of the Cold War arms race between Russia and the United States. As such, I shall award myself 4 points.

If you saw the Venus de Milo reference coming then you get the maximum allotted points of 7.5*. Congratulations!

*Don't be dim. 7.5 is the number of columns one can read under the U-T's new pay-wall policy.

Thanks for playing today's edition of Cuckoo for Canepa!

A review of the new U-T Sports page

I used to read the Union-Tribune every day. Let me provide a little more context. I used to walk to a corner in the Gaslamp District and purchase one from a vending machine so that I could read the Union-Tribune every day beginning with the Sports page.

Over the years of depositing change* into the newspaper box I felt first hand the rising cost of news as well as the diminished size of our local newspaper. Was there less happening in the world? Much time has passed. Now it's called the U-T.

*I recall the days of .25 cents. Then .35 and .50 cents. Oh, crap. Quoting prices is the death knell of youth!

Yesterday the U-T presented their newly formatted Sports page in what has been described as more of a magazine style. It looks good. A lot of color pictures and a very cool black and white photo from the 1930s at the races in Del Mar. That's the one and only story on page 1. There are previews to other stories including Tight End competition amongst the Chargers, Everth Cabrera's dash for home in the Padres Saturday night win, and the upcoming Olympics in London. The only text written however belongs to the story of Del Mar and the opening of the track on Wednesday.

It's different . . .



I've been down on the U-T Sports page for sometime. Outside of in-season Chargers coverage, admiring a Tim Sullivan column, and laughing at Nick Canepa word jumbles I just don't get my news from there with any regularity. Now, with Tim Sullivan's unfortunate dismissal I have even less reason to return. You could say that I'm skeptical of it all: The paper's content and, its leadership (Doug Manchester and John Lynch).

Contrary to my usual concerns, yesterday's Sunday U-T Sports page was stacked with content. People complained via twitter that the Padres dramatic Saturday evening win in Chavez Ravine didn't deserve to be jammed all the way back on page 11. Sports Editor Jay Posner explained that the decision was a function of advertisements dictating how the inside of the paper is formatted but most importantly, to keep all of Major League baseball together.

In addition to the game recap written by Bill Center, the paper featured a Canepa column (D3*) on pitching injuries, a Chris Jenkins story on Kip Wells' fight to get out of the Mexican League, and a Q & A with Alex Hinshaw. There was a lot to digest. In a good way.

*For those irked that Everth Cabrera and the Padres did not receive mention until page D11, the Canepa column did appear on D3, right as readers open the paper. Maybe Canepa will get buried next time? No. OK. Let's move on.

Is the varied and increased content the product of this simply being the debut of a new format (and a Sunday no less) or is this what readers in San Diego are in for permanently?

The most important thing I read in Sunday's paper was the Q&A with new Executive Sports Editor, Larry Graham. Graham comes from ESPN.com (where he focused on AFC East football) but he also has newspaper experience on his resume.

Graham explains that they're hiring more people to deliver more content including more Chargers coverage (another blog) and increased prep coverage.  It sounds like many ideas will also revolve around the new U-T TV station and the increased staffing will look to deliver more "compelling stories".

Is there a lot more Padres coverage coming? Graham mentions a blog for the Padres which could be good, but it also sounds like the Friars will have to earn their bonus coverage. The largest metropolitan cities have all of the big four sports leagues: NFL, MLB, NBA, and NHL. San Diego has but two of these leagues so sports coverage is distributed in the following way: Chargers, Chargers, Chargers, and Padres.

If you told me all of this 10 years ago I would have been ecstatic. More quality, local, sports content is all a sports junkie could ever ask for during a time when newspapers are downsizing. To integrate a more dense sports page with exclusive web content and a new television station is exciting and it is the dynamic type of product for which I'm willing to pay.

But it's not 10 years ago and again I return to that one little word: skeptical. The leadership at the U-T has made it known that they have an agenda and in terms of local sports it all revolves around a new stadium for the Chargers. They've also made it known that they will terminate the employment of their most talented writer (Tim Sullivan) if that writer does not walk mindlessly in lockstep with those in power. I find that to be a scary prospect when looking for unvarnished truth from those who call themselves journalists.

Will Padres coverage stagnate while emphasis on the Chargers' role in San Diego is emphasized by the U-T? Healthy skepticism is a hallmark of a critical mind but so is an openness to something new. I'm curious to see where the U-T goes.

Media: Ripping Kevin Acee's guts out and lighting them on FIRE!

You've followed a link due to an inflammatory title and I would like to tell you that I have lied to you. And I'd like to apologize for my underhanded tactics. The Union Tribune, having minimized our free access and provided a scant 15 page clicks for free, has resorted to provocative titles in order to draw our attention. They too have lied. But they'll give no apology for it. Whereas, I have.

Now that I have reestablished my credibility I want to tell you that Kevin Acee's column this morning is worthy of the 2 clicks against your 15 click allotment -- plus the the month of June is about to conclude, so use 'em up people.

You see, Acee's column reads like a pissy rant from a blogger. This is a good thing. Blogger types call 'em like they see 'em. If it walks like a man who just propositioned a gold digging gynecologist whore then it must be -- well, John Moores. And that's what Acee just did.

Let us examine Kevin Acee's column . . .

The O’Malley family cares about baseball. It will be passionate about the team it owns. It will be involved. It won’t tolerate an empty stadium, which is largely the product of a bad product.

Valid point and reassuring, although the April-August Padres of 2010 takes umbrage with your last point. There was a winning product falling in the woods . . . but nobody there to hear it.

I hope I’m not being wistfully naive.

You are. You're not unlike a five year old girl caring for the Barbie doll that had its head torn off by an older brother who naively believes that the dolly will one day regain a proper neck swivel. It won't. That doll is done.

Admittedly, I see O’Malley ownership through the romantic prism of my youth. For one fantastic year that affirmed a lifelong love of baseball and showed me that the major leagues could be almost as friendly as Little League, I was a beat writer covering the Los Angeles Dodgers.

Are beat writers allowed to be wistfully naive or romantic if they aren't watching the pairing of Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail?

Now, all that said about the O’Malley magic, what I really care about is where the O’Malley group is getting its money – and how much of it the consortium will have to invest in the on-field merchandise after being fleeced by John Moores.

Fleeced! Yes! More!!!!!

Look, the almost-completed purchase of the Padres could leave the O’Malleys on food stamps and their group’s ownership might still be an improvement over Moores’ fraudulent indifference.

Stop. You had me at fraudulent indifference. Time to start a website called John Moores' Fraudulent Indifference.

Moores remains a commendable philanthropist and shrewd businessman, but he only used to be a good team owner.

Used to be! Yes! More!!!!!

What he’s done lately is simply scam the people of San Diego.

John Moores: Scam artist! This is honestly awesome. I retract 3 of my derogatory Kevin Acee tweets during the month of June.

He made hundreds of millions off the Petco Park development, had to give away some big-time dough in a divorce, regained control of his team through some questionable turns of events and in the process ripped us off by not paying to field much more than a minor-league version of a major-league team.

Luis Durango and Walter Silva respectfully disagree but keep going. Tell us more.

On its own, the financially based decision to draft Matt Bush instead of one of the surefire All-Star pitchers in 2004 set the franchise back several years.

I am beginning to feel wistfully naive and romantic. I'm a blogger. It is something I'm permitted to do.

But Moores long ago lost interest in the team he once saved.

 Chasing tail will do that to you. What do you want? After redevelopment, the Gaslamp Quarter became a hoppin' place.

And, then, on his way out the door, he essentially takes the $200 million in advance payment from the Fox Sports television deal by including it in the cost of the team.

I hate John Moores!

But I digress.

Hey, Wayne's World references.

The Dodgers won six World Series under the ownership of Walter and Peter O’Malley but did not win a playoff game between their 1988 World Series triumph and the end of the O’Malley reign.

Blah, blah, blah, Dodgers.

All that is ancient history, however.

Thank God.

How ancient?

I don't know. You keep talking about it . . . so, not very?

Golf has made Mickelson awfully rich, and Fowler is extremely wealthy for a guy who sold beer. 

Beer? Tell us more.

We know neither how much money this group has after paying Moores’ high price nor how much they’re willing to spend.

The beer. What about the beer?

The answer to the latter question will determine whether we resume caring about the Padres and whether we continue to revere the O’Malleys.

I care about the Padres but I'm in the minority. I hope things change and that caring ownership is the catalyst. Or beer.

Nice work Mr. Acee. Moores needed to be dragged across the coals.

Cuckoo For Nick Canepa: Hoyt Wilhelm and Knuckleballs

After my initial Cuckoo For Nick Canepa post, written yesterday, the UT promptly released news that the company would begin charging customers for their on-line content produced each day. I don't know that the UT is worth a dime of my money so we'll see how this series progresses.

A couple of weeks ago Nick Canepa wrote an article about the horrible television contract with Fox and the complete lack of progress being made with Time Warner Cable to distribute Padres games to a large segment of San Diego. Definitely a topic worthy of coverage by Nick Canepa.

While the column was timely, I did take umbrage (and I was not the only one) with the following analogy by Canepa:

And things are moving along about as swiftly as a Hoyt Wilhelm knuckle ball, but with very little movement.

There is nothing swift about the speed of a knuckleball in its path to homeplate. It be slow, indeed. Nick Canepa is trying to let his readers know that the contract negotiations are moving slow and he uses something a baseball fan can relate to: The slow moving knuckleball. I get it.

Since when, though, is there a scenario where a knuckleball has "very little movement"? 

Knuckleballs move ALL over the place. They move so much that catchers can't even catch them. They move SO much that the otherwise completely useless Doug Mirabelli found gainful employment because he was the only one who could catch a Tim Wakefield knuckler. Do you even comprehend what I just said? Doug "FREAKING" Mirabelli!

Doug Mirabelli was horrible at the game of baseball but he possessed perhaps one of the rarest skill-sets in Major League Baseball: He could catch the knuckleball. Truth be told I'm pretty sure he sucked at it too, only he sucked less than every other catcher holding down a job in the league. So even the best knuckleball catcher in MLB sucked. Why? Because the knuckleball MOVES!

Let's say you don't believe me about the movement of the knuckleball. Would you believe Hall of Famer, Willie Stargell? And I quoth:

”Throwing a knuckleball for a strike is like throwing a butterfly with hiccups across the street into your neighbor’s mailbox.”

Poetic, no? Why would Pops describe the ability to throw a knuckleball for a strike in such a way? Because it moves. It moves a lot. Knuckleballs move. It is, quite simply, what they do.

We've established that a knuckleball has movement, and as such, using it to describe something that is not moving at all (TV contract discussions) demonstrates an exercise in poor judgement by the writer. But what of the reference to Hoyt Wilhelm?

Hoyt Wilhelm was a knuckleballer during the 1950s. And 60s. And early 1970s. He pitched forever and he did it so well he made it into baseball's Hall of Fame. Its what knuckleballers do. They throw FOREVER.

Wilhelm was special though. He won games starting AND closing*. He was kind of like an early Dennis Eckersley except he didn't throw sidearm and his hair wasn't perfectly feathered. He threw a knuckleball. Which moved a lot. If you call yourself a baseball fan, you should know the name and exploits of Hoyt Wilhelm. I have a 1958 Topps baseball card of Hoyt Wilhelm. I KNOW ABOUT HOYT WILHELM.

How about a more contemporary example of a knuckleballer, though? I get that Wilhelm is the hallmark for those who throw the pitch but maybe an R.A. Dickey analogy might resonate with readers.

At the time Canepa's column was written Dickey was coming off a complete game 1-hitter in which he struck out 12 batters. Using Dickey would have made Nick Canepa look like a genius. You know why? Dickey followed that performance-up with another 1-hitter and struck out 13 batters in that one!

R.A. Dickey is also old. He's 11-1. And old. He's 37. But he's 11-1!

R.A. Dickey also just had a biography released earlier this year. He's kind of had an interesting life. R.A. Dickey also climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro during the off-season. If Nick had used Dickey instead of Wilhelm he could have wrote:

 "Things are moving as swiftly as an R.A. Dickey knuckleball dancing at altitude in equatorial Africa, but with little movement."

Canepa could have even mixed in an allusion to Ernest Hemingway had he used Dickey! Ah hell, what do I know**.

*He also didn't do any of that "1 inning" save crap that is so prevalent today. Hoyt Wilhelm worked.
** I know that I wrote this pretty swiftly on account of it being old news and me having to rush Mrs. AJM to the airport. Sorry if it reads like something Nick Canepa mailed-in.

[EDITED 8:43 am in an attempt to give the appearance that I did not completely "mail it in".]

Cuckoo For Nick Canepa

When I was a kid I would sit down at the table for breakfast with the San Diego Union Tribune in front of me and a bowl of Cocoa Puffs. I would read the sports page cover to cover. The Sports section of the UT was thicker during that time of my life, more to read.

With no CNBC in the old days, adults often read the business section of the daily paper to see how the NYSE performed, feverishly charting their personal portfolios. Baseball box scores were my stock index. As a baseball card collector this was my form of investment tracking. I was going to be rich one day courtesy of my little cardboard gods. Rich from cardboard, huh? I'm moving in two weeks and those cards are moving with me. What a burden those boxes have become.

In addition to the box scores, I also read all of the sports columnists. San Diego Union columnist and editor, Jack Murphy, had passed away years before I moved to San Diego but I read all of the columnists who worked in the path he had blazed. This included Nick Canepa who, incidentally, has been around forever. Nick Canepa is a goddamn institution in this town.

As a kid, I didn't really have opinions of Nick Canepa or the other columnists as writers. I just read and continued to eat the Cocoa Puffs, gradually carving deeper and deeper into the box.

By the time my brother would come down for breakfast the box of Cocoa Puffs or Fruity Pebbles, or whatever other cereal graced our cupboard would be nearly gone. And the brother would be pissed. But I was bigger than him so I paid little mind to his plaintiff wails. With the sports section finished, I started my day.

Older now, I use coffee for breakfast.

I drink coffee, sifting through San Diego's poor excuse for a sports section, and I develop my own opinions on those columnists who proffer their opinions. I don't like Nick Canepa's writing. There's a lot about it I don't like. Sometimes Canepa writes an entire column that is so bad it warrants a complete dissection. Fortunately he doesn't always do this because I simply don't have the time in my schedule to be the UT's watchdog.

For the uninitiated, there is always one guarantee with a Nick Canepa column: It will include at least one pop culture reference that nobody below the age of 40 will understand or a reference that could have been updated to reflect some sort of continuous improvement as a writer. 

I appreciate history as much as anybody but there's something to be said for a writer who can stay up to date with both pop and sports culture. Not everything has to be about how, "Things were better in my day!"

Evolve, that's all I ask.

Nick Canepa doesn't believe in evolution. As is the case, I will regularly take Nick Canepa to task for his crappy writing in a series called . . . Cuckoo for Nick Canepa*!

* Points of clarification: I was Cuckoo, or enthusiastic, for Cocoa Puffs. So I ate the whole box. Nick Canepa's writing drives me cuckoo, or insane. Therefore I will write about the insanity. Just so we're clear about the whole Cocoa Puffs analogy.

You can't always get what you want

I really want to like Orlando Hudson. Let me amend that statement -- I really don't want to dislike guys who play for the Padres. 

I don't care to critique guys I ultimately need to cheer for in order for the Padres to attain success.

Yet here I am, during the week before position players are required to report to Peoria, Arizona and I've already ripped into Orlando Hudson twice. I'm bashing a guy who showed up early to camp!

But it could all be solved quite easily . . .


I guess it all comes down to the roles of those writing the stories: beat writers and columnists.

Perhaps it's not within the purview of beat writers to ask the dirty little questions (see: critical) I have in mind, on account of needing access to ballplayers every day. The columnist (and blogger) can get away with the scathing criticism more readily than the guy covering the beat.

So what is it that I want, you ask? 

I want Orlando Hudson to be asked, not about tossing the ball into the stands with two outs last season, but his comments afterwards regarding it being funny. Orlando Hudson probably thinks it was a benign comment but the truth is that a great deal of animosity towards him was developed when, on a last place team, he was able to laugh it off. Ask him about that.

I want Orlando Hudson to address his comments toward fans who booed Brad Hawpe last season. I love that he stood up for his teammate but I loathe that he called out fans with his condescending and entitled remarks.

I want Orlando Hudson to comment on his Twitter account, although verified as his, was clearly being operated by someone else -- and was ripping into critical fans.

That's what I want. I'm not likely to get it but a fan can dream. The odds are good that I wouldn't like O-Dog's answers anyway. Orlando Hudson, in his insulated little world, appears to simply think the way he thinks. But if he recanted, even a bit, I could get in the guy's corner.

****
On a side note:

I imagine yesterday was the day Orlando Hudson was made completely available to reporters as each of the guys (Corey, Dan, and Bill) submitted a story on the Padres second baseman. I can see Orlando Hudson holding court in the middle of the locker room, talking a mile-a-minute, slapping the rear-ends of new guys like Andrew Cashner and Edinson Volquez as they make it to the showers. I digress.

My point? Look at the variation in quotes from Corey Brock's article and Bill Center's.

Corey Brock:

"I guess when you go out and play hard ... things like that happen. If you don't play hard, it comes back that he don't give a damn, he don't care," Hudson said. "You go out and keep doing what you're doing. I'm not going to change the way I play."

Bill Center:

“I guess when you go out and play hard, things like that happen. If you don’t play hard, it comes back that you don’t care. You go out and keep doing what you’re doing. I’m not going to change the way I play.

 Assuming they were huddled around Hudson at the same time I find that kind of weird. If 'kind of weird' is a bit vague, I mean to say that quote #2 looks cleaned up. I guess the UT is a family fish-wrap now.

Orlando Hudson's Act of Contrition . . . not really

The Union Tribune's Bill Center has given Orlando Hudson a forum to reconstruct a tattered image. Your job, if you choose to accept it, is to either reject or accept his act of contrition . . .



Orlando Hudson says he never got his feet on the ground last season.

It's possible to simultaneously have one's head up their ass and to also have their feet on the ground. It's all science. I reject Bill Center's assertion.

“It wasn’t fun, it wasn’t fun at all,” the veteran second baseman said Wednesday of a 2011 season that saw him twice land on the disabled list and finish with one of the weaker campaigns of his career. 

This is a lie. If you laugh you're having fun. And when Orlando Hudson threw a ball into the stands last year he said he laughed about it. Because it was funny.

Laughter = fun.

This applies to nearly everyone except a particular subset of clowns whose performance is based on successfully creating balloon twisting animals and objects. These clowns are often tipped so poorly for their efforts that they no longer have souls despite the projection of a prodigiously painted smile.

Just havin' fun

“We’re all human,” he continued. “Flush it and go.”

As the father of infants, I don't appreciate the bathroom humor but I suppose I can accept this strategy. Mr. Hudson might be making strides in a direction fans would deem forward.

“This year is a different year,” said Hudson. “Last year was a little strange. It happens to everybody. You can’t be disappointed about it, you’ve got to keep playing, keep going hard.”

Disappointment is a colossal waste of time. How very Buddhist of him. He's like a Bodhisattva over there at second base. I dub thee, O-Dog-sattva.

Said Hudson: “I guess when you go out and play hard, things like that happen. If you don’t play hard, it comes back that you don’t care."

O-Dog-sattva is confusing me. Has he learned a lesson or is he chastising fans for forcing him to play hard to earn his money, the implication being that if he would have eased back on the throttle he never would have suffered any injuries?

IT'S! YOUR! FAULT! SAN DIEGO!

Hudson’s 2011 statistics included a career-low .246 batting average over 119 games, which was the second-fewest played in his career.

O-Dog-sattva showed up to work 73% of the time. On days that he did show up to work he was successful at his job less than 25% of the time. He was paid 100% of his salary -- which is roughly 1 Gazillion dollars more than I will make in my lifetime.

Man, the O-Dog-sattva is doing it right.

However, there was a perception in the extended Padres family, including fans, that the 34-year-old switch-hitter wasn’t all-in. Greeting rivals who reached second didn’t win Hudson points. Neither did tossing a ball into the stands with one out, then later making light of the incident.

Aldous Huxley once wrote, "There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception".

And then Jim Morrison started a band and got hopped up on mescaline. The point is drugs are bad for the artist but great for he who admires the art.

It sounds like I'm advocating the use of performance enhancing drugs so the O-Dog-sattva can boost his anemic numbers -- which I'm not at all proposing. Unless he wants to do it. And has a way to do it without getting caught. Wait. Getting caught would lead to a suspension . . .

At this point I don't know if we need steroids or mescaline. F&%k!

“I want to help this team any way I can.”
The Crash Davis School of Cliches . . . this is a step forward! Nice going O-Dog-sattva.

//I'm a jerk. And I cannot help myself

Nick Canepa is not unlike a 12 year-old

Last evening, Nick Canepa of the UT opined:

Where’s the hook? Why should the people who spend money for tickets want to watch these Padres? And, if a star develops, will he spend more than a few years here before he becomes too expensive, a la Adrian Gonzalez and Bell? The ship carrying a Tony Gwynn sailing forever on the USS San Diego Discount has sailed.

I find Nick Canepa's reasoning intellectually dishonest. He acts like the San Diego Padres are the only team who fail to keep their players as they become free-agents when in reality it's pretty difficult for any team to do it.

Adrian Gonzalez, acquired for nearly nothing in the winter of 2005, entered the same zip code* as Albert Pujols in terms of his production and proceeded to price himself out of the plans of nearly every major league team. So the Padres did what they had to do and moved him for controllable players. But the Padres did what approximately 25 of the other  MLB franchises would be forced to do. Worth mentioning?

*Maybe not zip code. State?

And since I mentioned Pujols let me also remind Nick Canepa that the slugger's former employer failed to keep him in St. Louis for the duration of his career. The Cardinals are a team with a massive following, sell-out crowds, and money in the coffers yet Pujols was only allowed to stay as long as his contract remained team friendly. Now Albert Pujols is an Angel.

Nick Canepa cites the departure of Heath Bell as another example of a player becoming too expensive. But that's not the truth. Heath bell became too expensive to offer a contract for a third year*. The Padres only wanted to be committed for two years. But why such a short commitment, Nick? Let us count the ways -- he's fat, with declining strikeout numbers, and a large crooked number for his age. Isn't it being responsible for the Padres to find another resource to fill a position that is only utilized for 70 innings per year? In Nick Canepa's mind the answer is clearly no or he would have referenced Huston Street and the flexibility of his contract in terms of both years and dollars.

*At which time he would be 37.

I'm not beyond criticizing my favorite baseball team but let's be honest about it. If Nick Canepa had asked when the Padres were going to start locking-up its younger players (see Cameron Maybin) similar to the way the Tampa Bay Rays have done I'd probably be applauding him right here. Maybe mention Jonah Keri's The Extra 2% and how the Rays have found success with such strategies as did the Indians in the 1990s. And then mention that JOSH BYRNES WAS WITH THE INDIANS DURING THAT PERIOD OF TIME! YES! THE GUY IN THE PICTURE OF YOUR COLUMN!!!!

Canepa can't do this though. Perhaps the requisite research is above his pay-grade. Instead he gives us the same old arguments about the Padres when the reality is that the vast majority of teams can't keep players once they pass the threshold of super-stardom. These arguments, read by casual Padres fans, are then taken as gospel and repeated ad nauseum. The angry parishioners want answers and Canepa is their prophet. But they're receiving answers from someone who argues like a 12 year old*.

*From time to time I have the opportunity to work with 12 year-olds. These kids are fun but intellectually they aren't quite ready to put forth the effort to support their opinions -- because it requires work. Eventually they grow out of this condition. Well, most do.

As for Nick Canepa's question regarding why should Padres fans show up this season, I guess my answer would sound something like this: Because I love baseball?*

Absent gross malfeasance by the organization, isn't that reason enough?

*I could have also answered Canepa with more detail. More support of my opinions, if you will.

After the 2011 season he Padres added a bunch of pieces to a team in dire need of pieces and I'm curious to see the new formula in action. 

Under the tutelage of Darren Balsley, will Edinson Volquez return to the form that netted Josh Hamilton in a trade back in 2007? 

Will Yonder Alonso show the left-handed swing tauted as perfect for PETCO park? 

Will Cameron Maybin continue to show the abilities that have fans clamoring for a long term extension? 

Will Chase Headley and Tim Stuaffer continue to make strides forward?

Will Corey Leubke become a name known outside of San Diego? 

Does Carlos Quentin have a swing that plays in PETCO? Is he the anti-Ludwick?

Has the gutted bullpen been rebuilt because it's looking like there's some promise with Street, Cashner, and Boxberger? 

How many of the players from the number one system in Major League baseball (according to Keith Law), will make it to San Diego this summer? 

And I want to see the Padres beat up on the Dodgers, Giants, and Diamondbacks because Idisdain their existence.


I could come up with a few more intriguing questions/reasons but I'm at my threshold for words. Enjoy Fanfest if you're going tomorrow.

African Proverbs That Orlando Hudson Has Never Heard

 Rain beats a leopard's skin, but it does not wash out the spots ~The Ashanti of West Africa

 

Utilized as teaching tools, Proverbs act as tools for the oral transmission of culture from one generation to the next in parts of Africa. The above proverb immediately came to mind when I heard some commentary related to Padres second baseman Orlando Hudson yesterday . . .

 

Padres beat writer Bill Center conducts a chat each week on the UT website, fielding questions from fans. A couple of fellow fans (@thesacbunt and @vocalminoritySD) generally transcribe interesting parts of the chat via Twitter under the hashtag #sezBill.

From the Sac Bunt:

And also:

Orlando Hudson is 34 years old so I'm not holding my breath that a good rain beating down upon him will change who he is at a fundamental level. But I hope I'm wrong*.

*Only so we can trade him by July 31st.

 

I wondered if there were other proverbs that could retroactively help Orlando Hudson and discovered the following:

 

 Perhaps Orlando Hudson would have thought twice about insulting fans last spring after they voiced displeasure about the play of Brad Hawpe had he heard this one:

Do not tell the man carrying you that he stinks. ~Sierra Leone

Fans are the ones who watch television and attend games. They are the ones who make it possible for the Orlando Hudson's of the world to clear nearly $12 million dollars in 2 years. Accept the stink and revel in it,

 

Hudson was not the best fit in the clubhouse because he was never exposed to this truth:

A real family eats the same cornmeal. ~Bayombe

In Hudson's defense I'd bolt the clubhouse early too if Jeff Moorad was serving cornmeal as the after game spread.


Rekindling the fire at the age of 34, Orlando Hudson would do well to remember:

There is no medicine against old age. ~Accra

The nature of reality is impermanence. Buddha said that. If the Buddha could speak to the O-Dog he'd likely say, "You dyin' dog."

 

After throwing a ball into the stands with only two outs remember these two proverbs when speaking to reporters:

When your mouth stumbles, it's worse than feet. ~Oji

The teeth of a man serve as a fence. ~Wolof    

When your team is in last place and you exhibit the mental gaffe of the year DO NOT tell reporters you thought it was funny. It must be difficult to always be in self-censor mode but I advise the O-Dog to heed the collective wisdom of the Oji and Wolof.

 

If Orlando Hudson had the awareness of those in Kenya he may never have allowed someone else to speak on his behalf through Twitter:

The forest has ears. ~Kenya

Our modern day forest is Twitter and it has both ears and a zealous voice. I'd be remiss if I did not point out that without this transgression by Hudson we would have never heard the meme, #mowmylawn . . . so thank you, O-Dog.

 

Maybe Orlando Hudson will become a deep thinker during this off-season. It may or may not occur due to education by proverb.

Game 4: So here's what I know.....

Not much!

Its Friday and the game started at 1:10.

1:10 pm!!??

When do Friday games ever start at 1:10? So I missed essentially all of the game aside from a few ABs on the game tracker. Perhaps you are in the same boat as I? Allow me to share with you the basics and then we'll turn to the experts for their analysis:

• The Padres lost 7-0.
• They couldn't hit water if they fell out of a boat.......hey, you and I are in a boat too! Very few hits coupled with many Ks gives cause for the imbalanced of mind to hit panic switch.
• Clayton Richard looked pretty good. He tossed 7 innings and gave up 3 runs. Why do you think he got the starring role in the above picture?
• Sean Gallagher looked poor (and by "looked" poor I mean to say "that's what I've heard"). 1 inning and 4 Ernies. Sounds like a smashed watermelon.*

This isn't good enough so I shall provide more. Here's an article by Corey Brock and if you want to see the shear brutality in the form of a box score go ahead and pain yourself. This information is all well and good but what we really need in order to get a handle on the situation are the opinions of the UT comment posters. When they see a record of 1-3 with 158 left to play it's like blood in the water and they go for the kill......and by "go for the kill" I mean that they proclaim doomsday to have arrived. Damn Mayan comment posters! Let us begin.....


What say the proponents of reason?

Panic Button [check]. Pushed [check]. Insert AAA reference [check] Spell abbreviated form of"Jesus" with a "G" [check]. Proceed with 158 more games so I can continue to bitch.

Are people being facetious when they make this suggestion? I actually believe that they believe that this a viable option. Adding 35,000 more seats to house a Chargers game would be like moving an old building a short distance just so it could be incorporated into the structure of a new ball park.......uh, bad example. You get what I'm saying.

Hey, Hondo! There's over 155 games to go! I'm not even counting the 5 games from our eventual wild card appearance. I was joking about the latter statement but the former is straight up truth. I just examined the schedule and we actually have 158 games to go.

I couldn't resist making another bet after reading the Union Tribune online. Chill out people. The season is long. Save your crazy for mid June.
* I don't get smashed fruit as funny. Sorry I linked to it. My bad.

Cromartie on the block; eastern philosophy needed

From Kevin Acee's Wednesday UT article, Chargers still seek deal for Cromartie:

Cromartie had 10 interceptions in 2007 but has just five in the two seasons since, and his lack of physicality and a perceived laissez faire attitude has worn on teammates and coaches.

The team is ready to move on from its 2006 first-round draft pick, and Cromartie has told people close to him he would like to be traded.

Perceived laissez faire attitude?

Laissez faire most accurately refers to Thomas Jefferson's thoughts on government interaction with the masses...... not how big of a "Gaping V" Antonio Cromartie plays like. "Perceived" implies that he might actually be on top of things. That he might actually care to win. There is no issue of perception here.

Whether Cromartie is dealt, released, or plays out his contract, the young man needs help. He has financial commitments to an ever growing family and the only way to fulfill these obligations is to perform and then get rewarded with a multi-year contract.

Luckily for Antonio Cromartie, I am currently researching a way for him to emerge from his self created abyss. This research has led me to delve into eastern philosophies and tradition in an effort to restore the shining star of 2007. The research is nearly complete and I believe that if the methodology can be relayed to young Cro' we may be able to avert losing him at all. This intervention may lead to a renewal for our 25 year old quarterback.

Stay tuned, faithful eleven.

Editor's Note:
I also find it laughable that HE WANTS to be traded. If he was playing on the east coast he'd be crucified by the media.... far worse than he gets it here in San Diego. Is it so tough playing for a team that is but a few steps from the Super Bowl? Is it the wrath of Vencie Glenn, Avenging Jack Murphy, and the whole of San Diego that has you lacing up your track spikes?

Run, Cro'. Run.

It's what you do best.

Why the Chargers Game May Get Blacked Out: the Longshanks Effect

In the film Braveheart, King Edward's character famously said:

"The problem with Scotland.....is that its FULL of Scots!"

Well this Charger fan will dutifully paraphrase the cruel Longshanks and posit the following:

"The problem with San Diego.....is that its FULL of transplants!"

This ladies and gentlemen is the Longshanks Effect.

I mean that with kindness and absolutely no disrespect to......myself. I am a transplant but I've lived here long enough to know where my bread is buttered and unfortunately I can't say the same for a good many of my neighbors. Because of this indisputable truth we face the possibility of a blackout for Sunday's Chargers/Chiefs game if 1300 tickets aren't sold by tomorrow. San Diego may have a resident pool of over 1 million but that figure does not ring true for the Charger fan base. So what to do? The Union Tribune's Jay Posner proposed the following in his media column this morning:

What better weekend could there be for the Spanos family to buy the remaining tickets, donate them to some worthy causes (military, fire, police, youth groups, etc.) and give all of Southern California a huge thank you for its support over the years? After all, coming off years of ineptitude, the Chargers have sold out every game since 2004 and TV ratings are at their highest point in too many years to count.

I'm sure the Chargers could find a couple of sponsors to join up, and they could hit up KFMB Channel 8, which must be making gobs of money off those huge ratings. But even if they couldn't, so what?

Sure, it's easy for me to spend the Spanoses' money, but we're really not talking about that much cash. To a fan or a sponsor, the cost would be somewhere in the neighborhood of $225,000 — 3,000 tickets at about $75 a pop. But the Chargers' cost wouldn't be nearly that high, because the club wouldn't actually “buy” the tickets. Instead, the Chargers would have to pay only the 34 percent of each ticket that goes into a pool the league later distributes equally to all teams (so they'd get back 1/32nd of the money).

Thirty-four percent of $225,000 is $76,500. But that doesn't factor in that some of those 3,000 extra fans would pay $25 to park, plus all of them would figure to spend at least $10 — and probably much more, given the prices — at the concession stands.

See, it's really not that outrageous, is it? Shoot, the Chargers could almost make a profit by doing this.

Sounds good to me and I would venture a guess that either the Chargers or Channel 8 will pick up the tab when the bell tolls tomorrow.

Hey I wish I were going...... but I was in Denver last week and have already been to one pre-season and two regular season home games. Balancing the budget to make it to another game this year will be difficult ( //hoping for playoffs) so It is my want that reason prevails and someone ponies up the $260 K to ensure that I can sit on my couch and see the 50 greatest Chargers honored this Sunday.

Make it happen, ye with deep pockets!

Padres Week 3: Rough Weekend @ The $9 buck cup

Three weeks down and the Padres are sitting 2 above .500---2 1/2 behind LA. It could be worse. The disappointing news is in that we were swept by the Giants (only a 2 game set) and then dropped a series to the Pirates at home.....our pitcher's park....where Jake Peavy can't seem to....well, pitch! The Padres are over .500 and Jake is under .500 (2-3).

While the team is beginning to come back to earth they still exhibit elements of entertaining baseball whether it be the fundamentals (moving runners over, backing up positions), hustle (see David Eckstein), sound hitting (Adrian Gonzalez crushed one like no other ever hit at The Bark, yesterday) or the youth movement (Headley, Hundley,--insert bullpen pitcher here--, the injured Evereth Cabrera). Those are all positive things and when coupled with good prices they are reasons to stay on the bandwagon.

More interesting Padre bits and pieces:

• Geoff Young looking at the last week and the overuse of a certain pitch by a certain pitcher, in his column Eight Sliders Sliding [Ducksnorts]

• Padre Unis....after all, a Friar does wear a brown robe not Blue [The Sacrifice Bunt]

• A struggling Peavy and yesterday's debacle against the Pirates [San Diego UT]

• A podcast by Craig Elsten and Chris Ello regarding the Padres "surging" (tongue-in-cheek) to a power ranking of #10 in MLB [619 Sports]

Three game set against the Rockies gets going at 5;40 pm today.....Chris Young must right the ship.

The Heath Bell Effect

Below you'll find the Heath Bell Effect. What's that you say? It's what happens when he pitches and then opens his mouth: Padres win, people start talking.

After Bell saved game #1 in Citi Field's history he proceeded to bash ESPN's Baseball Tonight for never featuring the Padres and never even mentioning SD in the build-up to the Mets' opening night. Fair enough....we know that on the West Coast we play second fiddle. So I shall propose two things to you, San Diego Sports fan:

1. Check out the time-line below.....it is the chronology of The Heath Bell Effect.
2. After reading the chronology (and listening if you have the time) follow Heath Bell's lead and make a little noise....I have a suggestion.
   

April 14th: Heath Bell dogged ESPN in an interview with Scott & BR on Tuesday morning:
[XX1090-Audio]

April 16th: HB then went on Baseball Tonight and spoke with Karl Ravech:

Click:[ESPN Video Link]

April 17th: The following afternoon Baseball Tonight's Tim Kurkjian spoke with Darren Smith:

[XX1090-Audio]

April 17th: Miami radio personality Sid Rosenberg (a native New Yorker and Met Fan) and Scott & BR regular hooked up to talk about a few things...the last of which was a brief commentary on the Padres where he bashed them mercilessly!
[XX1090-Audio]

April 19th: Bell's remarks ring true about almighty ESPN
[Union Tribune-Nick Canepa]

That folks, is the Heath Bell Effect:

1. Heath Saves Games:
2. Heath Drops Mad Quotes:
3. People Start Talking About Heath....And The Padres.
   

This folks, is my proposal:

1. Let's E-mail Scott & BR's regular Radio Active guest: Sidney Arthur Rosenberg
   

Listening to that guy Rosenberg reminded me of Bleacher Bum Jordan (if you added a brain). Brash, loud, opinionated and completely New York-East Coast-Centric. He came off as an extension of the ESPN bias that Heath Bell justly attacked earlier in the week....so let us join Heath Bell in appealing to Common Sense......here's Sid Rosenberg's email address:

sidsback2001@yahoo.com

Dear Sid:
We ruined your opening night and took the series from you....we know, we know...we listened to your interview with Scott & BR---"The Mets didn't take the series seriously"---"The Padres are an awful baseball team"---"We only have two players, and some guy named Headly who gets lucky every once in a while"---"And when the season's over the Padres will be where they belong...in last place".

Well let's look at last year: The (last place) Padres took 5 of 7 from the Mets and the Phillies won the East by 3 games....do the math and chew on that Mighty New York Fan. Your overpriced team will likely cave again and we'll just keep on battling....see you on August 8th!

For those of you who are the regular rebel-rousing-Thomas Paine-types but lack the time required of a full-time insurrectionist: feel free to copy & paste the above gibberish. Or get creative as you keep in mind that the national information outlets think San Diego and its fans are a joke....so you don't have to be nice.

How many e-mails can we inundate ol' Sidney Arthur Rosenberg with?

Editor's Note: It appears that there is another component to The Heath Bell Effect......when someone else tries to close a game......it's kind of ugly. Well, you can't win 'em all. A great week had by both the Padres and....Dodgers.

It makes perfect sense

Doesn't it make perfect season? When it comes time for a streak of 54 consecutive saves to end just call the 2009 edition of the San Diego Padres. Close to handing a lead to Heath Bell the pen coughs up the lead forcing the Padres to face Brad Lidge down a run.....the Brad Lidge who was PERFECT last year! No Problem.....



.....they faced him on Friday Night and did all right. Enter Jody Gerut and his lead-off double....

The final score will read Padres 8 Phillies 5.......people will note that Lidge blew his first save as a Phillie when Kevin Kouzmanoff touched him up for a 3-run bomb in the Citizen's Bank Bandbox....and then Heath Bell came on for his seventh save in 12 games. But make no mistake about when the defining moment of the game occurred: with Gerut at 2B and zero out in the 9th, David Eckstein came to the plate, and did what winners do.....put the ball in play....hit it hard.....and hit it to the right side of the diamond to advance the runner. Gerut would tie the game one hitter later when Brian Giles grounded to Ryan Howard.

Do you remember Opening Day against the Dodgers? Everyone was overjoyed with the Eckstein bunt in the 1st which would help cut the Dodger lead in half. Now we have the 9th inning ground out against Brad Lidge. Jody Gerut would have died at 2B in '08.....ya gotta love the little things!

Padres pound Lidge, top Phils [philly.com]

What a blast! Padres rally again to sink Phillies 8-5 [San Diego UT]

(Just saw the ESPN highlights.....showed the Gerut Double and the Giles ground out but nothing in between. It's alright Eck! We got your back!)