Things Could Always Be Worse: see life as an Oakland Raider fan

Raider Fans have organized an effort to encourage Al Davis to take hold of the franchise by hiring a competent, non crypt-keeper-like individual, to handle personnel matters. The guerrilla fan organization is taking place in the form of bill board advertisement and will surely conclude with terrorist activity and the abduction of Al Davis.

Part of the plea by Raider fan is the recognition by Al Davis that it is simply unacceptable for such a proud franchise to be on its way to a 7th consecutive season of 11 losses or more-----no where on the site is there any reference to losing 13 consecutive contests to their rival out of San Diego.

I appreciate the efforts made by these Raider fans even though I find them, for the most part, a deplorable blight on humanity. They need money to continue the billboard effort and they are currently soliciting donations: MessageTo Al.com

While I applaud their dedication they won't be getting dime 1 out of me......I wouldn't want any roadblocks to getting win #14 in a row, come early 2010.

Always remember.............things could be worse.

Chargers 24 Raiders 16

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The Charger Fan in Donkey Land: Week 1 Raiders

As the Chargers in their POWDER BLUE embark on a new season we begin with a game for the centuries. In fact it was just that, the 100th meeting between the Chargers and the Haiders.

The excitement was high as Nate kicked the ball off to begin the final game of week one, capping off a Monday night double header. The excitement quickly was disrupted as we witnessed the unthinkable; the Haiders ran the ball up the gut with little resistance from our defensive line, or linebackers for that matter. In this house a calm silence rang out, as what began as a fluke seemed to continue for what felt like forever. The Raiders first drive was not stopped as we have grown accustomed to from our standard BOLTS DEFENSE. As I sat on the edge of my seat dumbfounded at what was occurring before my eyes, Jamarcus tossed the ball to none other than Quentin Jammer. THAT IS THE DEFENSE WE REMEMBER..

As the television went to break, allowing a brief moment to secure another cold one, the excitement was back as the offense was sure to come out with a purpose unlike the D.

However, that was short lived as we began the 09-10 season with a three-and-out..... discouraging to watch, but the confidence never wavered for us true bleeders of Blue and Gold.

Sproles showed up in the kicking game as expected and put us in a most generous position on not one, but two occasions that I recall specifically. Considering the lack luster play we witnessed overall we were tied at the half.

As the second half began the excitement again entered everyone, as our expectations were there to be had yet again. As the ball finally seemed to be thrown in the direction of our many play making receivers, things began to look up. Unfortunately only to end in punts for the third quarter.

With the fourth quarter beginning, we all looked on knowing it was only a matter of time before we took control of the game. With the score 17 - 13 and the Haiders with a 3rd and 15 the feeling that we were in a good spot was there, specifically after Weddle laid the hit on the receiver jarring the ball loose and leaving said Haider in a bad way on the turf. Then came that horrific 4th and 15 play that for all of us, and YES I can speak for ALL of us; the worst defensive display we will see all season. Glad we got it out of our system in week one.

The last drive was one to build on. With LT starting the drive with a couple of decent runs, and Rivers getting a bit, and I mean only a bit of time to throw the ball we were moving down the field as we all knew we were capable of doing. With Sproles catching the check down passes and taking them for first downs, as we all were anticipating to have seen throughout the game, the confidence never wavered, not for a moment. Even with time running down, there was NO doubt in this Charger Fan's Mind that we would not come out victorious. Sure enough with :18 on the clock little 43 ran right up the gut for the winning touchdown.

This was far from our best performance, but a win is a win, and there are many a team out there sitting 0 and 1 wishing they were in the position our Chargers are in.

Next week we will come out with more of a purpose as we defend the Murph and show the league what is coming their way over the next 16 weeks in preparation for OUR post season run.

Here is to another great year for all of the Charger Faithful.

Charger Fan in Donkey Land

GO BOLTS!!! 1 and 0

12 In A Row: San Diego Chargers 24 Hapless Raiders 20

The Bolts have no linemen left. LT (hurt his ankle?) didn't play during crunch time. Richard Seymour showed up yesterday, met his teammates and dominated the Chargers' O-Line. No discernible pressure on the Phunky Phat Quarterback.

We do have .43 cent......and at least we won.

I wonder if anyone was pissed about the Chargers coming out on top?

San Diego Versus Oakland Week 1: What This Charger Fan Expects

I should be coming at you with the full flavor of a football fan deprived of violence for the last nine months.

I should be going on about this being the 50 Year Anniversary of the San Diego Chargers and how we're opening up against another AFL original, The Hapless Oakland Raiders.

I should be clamoring for stellar offensive line play, the kind that opens holes so big, LT could drive more than a Segue through 'em. My focus should be on the efficiency of an offense that is all too often lauded as the most talented in the league but finds itself three-and-out, with too great of frequency.

I should also mention the defense and the sort of commotion I pray to see tonight from a Buddy Ryan schooled coordinator, in one Ron Rivera. Rivera has led this unit for nearly a calendar year and ALL Charger fans want to witness havoc via pressure and aggression. I could also mention that at games' end I really want to believe.......to believe that the 2009 edition of the San Diego Chargers are here for hardware. Vince's hardware.

These are all things, from a technical standpoint, that I should want to see.....

But all I really want to see is an absolute drubbing of the Oakland Raiders, the sort of destruction capable of producing prose in tomorrow's headlines.

Because when that happens I'll take that headline and slide it right under the windshield wiper of my neighbor. A neighbor who I've never seen by sight but a neighbor I know all too well: big lifted, 'I clearly have a small c*ck', silver Chevy with a cab window glorifying an obscenely large Raider decal and a license plate frame proclaiming membership in 'The Raider Nation'. I have never seen this neighbor. His monstrosity of a truck just sits there in a prime parking space, each and every day.....pregnant women, people with heaps of groceries and the elderly be damned!

I will take that headline and put it under that mother fu*cker's windshield as a giant 'F*CK YOU!', for the last nine months of parking injustice and failed assimilation into the culture of San Diego. Raiders?!!!

I will scrawl an epithet beneath the headline and it will read as follows:

I hope you've enjoyed that parking space you no good sum-a- b*tch!
Sincerely
12 Wins In-A-Row At The Hands Of The San Diego Chargers

EDITOR'S NOTE:
I am not angry, merely bothered by unregulated parking

Cholla Cable Comments on Craziness

I open up the UT and what do I see.....Cholla! I hear his righteous proclamations in my sleep and now I have to read his opinions in the Sports section....

“It's a crazy time in this division,” Oakland Raiders coach Cholla Cable said Tuesday at the NFL owners' meetings.

Its only crazy because of that kid up in Denver, and by "kid" I mean McDaniels....Cutler is the "Crybaby". Yea real crazy! The only thing crazier would be that lard ass QB in Oakland developing some game.

Nice. Real Nice Cholla! The least you could have done was get some Black Widows slapped on the side of that Silver n' Black helmet. You useless C@#T!

For more about Cholla and how consistent the Chargers are:

Chargers are a model of consistency in topsy-turvy AFC West
[SD Union Tribune-Kevin Acee]

There's some good stuff on Aztec ace Stephen Strasburg over at 619 Sports. Craig Elsten is calling for the head of DC area writer Thomas Boswell. The charge....Blasphemy!
[619 Sports]

Editor's Note:
Apologies for the randomness of the Cholla reference..there are a select few who will understand. To attain enlightenment the following may provide it for you....... but probably not.....funny none the less.

Hapless Raiders, Almost Massholes, and Tom Brady

We recognized Patriot QB Matt Cassel as our Almost Masshole of the Week yesterday for his 4 touchdown performance against the *Hapless Raiders after his father had passed away earlier in the week. It feels as though we would be "cheating" on Tom Brady however if we didn't in some way mention him today.

It must be stressed, that in no way do we feel that Zoolander is a "System Quarterback", due to the sustained success Matt Cassel has experienced with the New England Patriots this season.... immense success after not having started a game since the days when he would have (or might have) funneled six beers and then gone to the local Denny's where he would have proceeded to projectile vomit blueberry milkshakes on to unsuspecting underclassmen.....we call those days high school (by "we", we mean, "we").

Tom Brady is probably not a System Quarterback....which brings us to......a thought on Tom Brady.

Pouting or Blue Steel?

We saw this picture of Tom Terrific while reading a very funny "alleged diatribe" by him against Matt Cassel (Click for funniness).

Now while the piece over at Kissing Suzy Kolber was very funny we like to use those sort of things as "springboards" to new avenues of thinking....some people call that "thinking outside the box"....we call it "a waste of time" and being "overly critical" but in the end "very funny" and an ample excuse to use "quotation marks". Our critique.....

We've never seen an athlete's eye black so perfectly drawn beneath the eyes.

It was done so perfectly it got us to thinking...was it put on by a woman? Like a supermodel girlfriend? Then we thought, wait a minute, it looks just like the woman in the restroom for the State Farm Insurance commercial, Feeling Kinda Sunday, who uses the mascara to apply the athletic eye black...so we went and found a picture! Guess what we found...

sorry it's not on straight...I'm not a really, really, really, ridiculously, good looking male model

...aside from the fact that she would look much hotter without bangs (is that a Metro evaluation?), she did a pretty acceptable job with the ol' black stuff. And by acceptable we mean to say that it looks like a MAN PUT IT ON!

As it pertains to Tom Brady: he is an even bigger Metro than we thought or Giselle does his make-up in the locker room. Either scenario spells f-r-u-i-t-l-o-o-p or in the Northeastern vernacular of Bahston, Mass......yah ah fahkin homo queuhh.

Allow us to give a tutorial on how not to look like Tom Brady.....

show 'em your warface

If you choose to actually take time during application try to look menacing...

I am going to kill you...seriously...

If at any time you are accused of committing murder....well then you can wear your eye black any way you fuckin' please!

Tom Brady is a douche bag.

*From hence forward we will refer to the Oakland Raiders as The Hapless Raiders. I was reading a book that described the Tampa Bay Devil Rays as The Hapless Devil Rays back in 2004 on account of their suckitude (a high aptitude for sucking) so it seems appropriate to attach that moniker to the team from Oakland because they are a real embarrassment. Oh yea...the book was Faithful by Stephen King....about the 2004 Boston Red Sox....Maybe Stephen King should have been our Almost Masshole of the Week for helping us with a new name for the Oakland Raiders (technically King is from Maine but since the Red Sox and Patriots reside in MA but are claimed by all New Englanders....he's a Masshole).