Showing posts with label Oakland Raiders. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Oakland Raiders. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Things Could Always Be Worse: see life as an Oakland Raider fan

Raider Fans have organized an effort to encourage Al Davis to take hold of the franchise by hiring a competent, non crypt-keeper-like individual, to handle personnel matters. The guerrilla fan organization is taking place in the form of bill board advertisement and will surely conclude with terrorist activity and the abduction of Al Davis.

Part of the plea by Raider fan is the recognition by Al Davis that it is simply unacceptable for such a proud franchise to be on its way to a 7th consecutive season of 11 losses or more-----no where on the site is there any reference to losing 13 consecutive contests to their rival out of San Diego.

I appreciate the efforts made by these Raider fans even though I find them, for the most part, a deplorable blight on humanity. They need money to continue the billboard effort and they are currently soliciting donations: MessageTo Al.com

While I applaud their dedication they won't be getting dime 1 out of me......I wouldn't want any roadblocks to getting win #14 in a row, come early 2010.

Always remember.............things could be worse.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Avenging Jack Murphy's Muse is a Raider Sympathizer; course of action requested

This is one of those things that we had an inkling about, a sneaking suspicion, an indication, a hunch....and thankfully, for this post, a thesaurus.

Our current dilemma evokes the riddle of youthful ignorance and the Easter Bunny.

As a child you accepted the notion that it was rational for a life size rabbit to make deliveries of candy to commemorate the resurrection of Christ. You did not question this odd amalgam of pagan and Christian traditions........because you were 8 and didn't know what the fuck a pagan was.....and because you were chomping the heads off of chocolate bunnies. But deep down inside you knew the truth. You held your silence out of fear.....fear that the sugar pipeline would dry up. So you kept on believing, though your subconscious remained privy to the truth.

You shouldn't have needed mommy and daddy to tell you there was no 6'3" hare sneaking into the home once a year, just like I shouldn't have needed Jessica Alba appearing in a photo wearing a Raider hat to acknowledge the obvious. She's from the LA area........the Raiders called that shit hole home during her formative years......heck......I saw her on the Best Damn Sports Show Period years ago and she said her pops was a Raider fan. Daughter apples never fall far from the father tree. The writing was always on the wall but I denied, denied, denied. I denied the verity of the situation much like Daniel Snyder denies the fact that he completely fucked-up in hiring Jim Zorn to coach the 'Skins. Me and Daniel Snyder....fuckos!

So here WE are.....at an impasse of sorts. Alba snuck into this blog a long time ago and became its Matron Saint often yielding the most sagely advice. But the truth is now as undeniable as Eliot Spitzer being caught with a high-end hooker. Spitzer and I have both been compromised and as figures of renown we must acquiesce to the demands of our public.


You'll have to vote on the fate of The Sage......The Matron Saint......the most righteous 1/3 of the Holy Trinity of Jessicas. What say you public?



If you vote for option 1 or 3 please use the comment section to propose alternatives.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Some Hate For The Hump Day: Jake Delhomme, The Carolina Panthers, and a Raider To Be Named Later

How can someone be so freakin' bad at Quarterback? Jake Delhomme is a horrid professional! This guy has 18 INTs in his last seven games (including last year's playoff game). He's a useless Cajun who needs to retire, and return to the bayous of Louisiana......


......so a crocodile can feast on his crotch.....and all other useless body parts! All of them!!!


It's my own fault for siding with the Panthers in my Survivor Pool. God forbid I pick the Panthers to win at home against a lowly Bills squad......who was missing its starting QB.....and could only score six points against the Cleveland Browns. How stupid of me! The Panthers destroyed the Bills in every meaningful statistical category except for points on the scoreboard. F*ck!!!

Crocodile, Jake!!!!! Crocodile!!!!!

It's Raider week:
allow me to recommend the Richard Seymour hate on a plate.

From the New England Patriots to the Hapless Raiders. Once a douche, always a douche.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

The Charger Fan in Donkey Land: Week 1 Raiders

As the Chargers in their POWDER BLUE embark on a new season we begin with a game for the centuries. In fact it was just that, the 100th meeting between the Chargers and the Haiders.

The excitement was high as Nate kicked the ball off to begin the final game of week one, capping off a Monday night double header. The excitement quickly was disrupted as we witnessed the unthinkable; the Haiders ran the ball up the gut with little resistance from our defensive line, or linebackers for that matter. In this house a calm silence rang out, as what began as a fluke seemed to continue for what felt like forever. The Raiders first drive was not stopped as we have grown accustomed to from our standard BOLTS DEFENSE. As I sat on the edge of my seat dumbfounded at what was occurring before my eyes, Jamarcus tossed the ball to none other than Quentin Jammer. THAT IS THE DEFENSE WE REMEMBER..

As the television went to break, allowing a brief moment to secure another cold one, the excitement was back as the offense was sure to come out with a purpose unlike the D.

However, that was short lived as we began the 09-10 season with a three-and-out..... discouraging to watch, but the confidence never wavered for us true bleeders of Blue and Gold.
Sproles showed up in the kicking game as expected and put us in a most generous position on not one, but two occasions that I recall specifically. Considering the lack luster play we witnessed overall we were tied at the half.

As the second half began the excitement again entered everyone, as our expectations were there to be had yet again. As the ball finally seemed to be thrown in the direction of our many play making receivers, things began to look up. Unfortunately only to end in punts for the third quarter.

With the fourth quarter beginning, we all looked on knowing it was only a matter of time before we took control of the game. With the score 17 - 13 and the Haiders with a 3rd and 15 the feeling that we were in a good spot was there, specifically after Weddle laid the hit on the receiver jarring the ball loose and leaving said Haider in a bad way on the turf. Then came that horrific 4th and 15 play that for all of us, and YES I can speak for ALL of us; the worst defensive display we will see all season. Glad we got it out of our system in week one.

The last drive was one to build on. With LT starting the drive with a couple of decent runs, and Rivers getting a bit, and I mean only a bit of time to throw the ball we were moving down the field as we all knew we were capable of doing. With Sproles catching the check down passes and taking them for first downs, as we all were anticipating to have seen throughout the game, the confidence never wavered, not for a moment. Even with time running down, there was NO doubt in this Charger Fan's Mind that we would not come out victorious. Sure enough with :18 on the clock little 43 ran right up the gut for the winning touchdown.

This was far from our best performance, but a win is a win, and there are many a team out there sitting 0 and 1 wishing they were in the position our Chargers are in.

Next week we will come out with more of a purpose as we defend the Murph and show the league what is coming their way over the next 16 weeks in preparation for OUR post season run.

Here is to another great year for all of the Charger Faithful.

Charger Fan in Donkey Land

GO BOLTS!!! 1 and 0

Monday, September 14, 2009

12 In A Row: San Diego Chargers 24 Hapless Raiders 20

The Bolts have no linemen left. LT (hurt his ankle?) didn't play during crunch time. Richard Seymour showed up yesterday, met his teammates and dominated the Chargers' O-Line. No discernible pressure on the Phunky Phat Quarterback.

We do have .43 cent......and at least we won.

I wonder if anyone was pissed about the Chargers coming out on top?


San Diego Versus Oakland Week 1: What This Charger Fan Expects


I should be coming at you with the full flavor of a football fan deprived of violence for the last nine months.

I should be going on about this being the 50 Year Anniversary of the San Diego Chargers and how we're opening up against another AFL original, The Hapless Oakland Raiders.

I should be clamoring for stellar offensive line play, the kind that opens holes so big, LT could drive more than a Segue through 'em. My focus should be on the efficiency of an offense that is all too often lauded as the most talented in the league but finds itself three-and-out, with too great of frequency.

I should also mention the defense and the sort of commotion I pray to see tonight from a Buddy Ryan schooled coordinator, in one Ron Rivera. Rivera has led this unit for nearly a calendar year and ALL Charger fans want to witness havoc via pressure and aggression. I could also mention that at games' end I really want to believe.......to believe that the 2009 edition of the San Diego Chargers are here for hardware. Vince's hardware.

These are all things, from a technical standpoint, that I should want to see.....

But all I really want to see is an absolute drubbing of the Oakland Raiders, the sort of destruction capable of producing prose in tomorrow's headlines.

Because when that happens I'll take that headline and slide it right under the windshield wiper of my neighbor. A neighbor who I've never seen by sight but a neighbor I know all too well: big lifted, 'I clearly have a small c*ck', silver Chevy with a cab window glorifying an obscenely large Raider decal and a license plate frame proclaiming membership in 'The Raider Nation'. I have never seen this neighbor. His monstrosity of a truck just sits there in a prime parking space, each and every day.....pregnant women, people with heaps of groceries and the elderly be damned!

I will take that headline and put it under that mother fu*cker's windshield as a giant 'F*CK YOU!', for the last nine months of parking injustice and failed assimilation into the culture of San Diego. Raiders?!!!

I will scrawl an epithet beneath the headline and it will read as follows:

I hope you've enjoyed that parking space you no good sum-a- b*tch!
Sincerely
12 Wins In-A-Row At The Hands Of The San Diego Chargers

EDITOR'S NOTE:
I am not angry, merely bothered by unregulated parking

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Raider Coach and Leader of the Black Widdas?

Friend of the Blog, "Yes I am Serious . And stop calling me Shirley", points out that Oakland Raider Head Coach Tom Cable....



....is a dead ringer for Friend of the Blog, Cholla.



Or is Cholla, Biker Gang Leader of the Pacoima Black Widdows, moonlighting as interim coach of the Raiders? He has been off the radar and his diminished skill set would seem to fit that of a Raider employee...