Three years ago today, I went a little crazy.As a regular, day-to-day human, I stayed relatively "normal" but as a fan of football......I went certifiably, bat shit crazy.
You Charger fans remember the day: a brisk Sunday afternoon that found the 14-2 AFC West Champion Chargers defeated by a multitude of flukes.......and the New England Patriots . Idiot corner backs guilty of penalty flag inducing flying head butts and safeties who couldn't protect their well earned interceptions. Muffed punts and goofy head coaching calls. I suppose it's a wonder that the game was even close for the Chargers considering the aforementioned display.
The conclusion was painful for all. With our Super Bowl dreams newly shattered we were subjected to mid field dancing Patriots and a pissed off Ladainian Tomlinson. The Patriot douchebaggery led to emails, then blogs and ultimately a shadowy organization known as the Anti-Patriot League which deified asterisks and spycams in the name of the New England Patriots and their idiot fans (I've been to Foxborough.......and I know idiots when I see them). Agents of this organization can be recognized by their T-shirts emblazoned with the logo below......
A glorious memorial to the incident known as Spygate, to be sure.
Anyways, this was the email that beget the blog that you see today. Kept for posterity and as a not so subtle reminder that you, good reader, can retain your sanity as it is I who acts as a maniacal proxy on your behalf.
Anyways, this was the email that beget the blog that you see today. Kept for posterity and as a not so subtle reminder that you, good reader, can retain your sanity as it is I who acts as a maniacal proxy on your behalf.
To whom it may concern:
For the past five years I have fully supported the New England Patriots and
the success they have earned during that course of time. When the ignorant
masses spoke ill of the Patriots, I was quick to remind them that the
Patriots were everything that was good about professional football: the rare
case where individual achievement was subjugated for the advancement of the
"TEAM". This ideal of "team" has yielded three Superbowl championships and I
have enjoyed supporting the high ideal that the Patriots stood for.
After watching the Chargers/Patriots playoff game on Sunday I must say
that I am withdrawing my west-coast support and marking that franchise for
death!
Indeed, death is a strong statement so I would be remiss if I did not make
a few clarifications:
1. The Chargers were the more talented team.
2. The Patriots were the more level headed team.
3. The Patriots deserved to win--undoubtedly!
4. The biggest "hand" in the Patriot Victory was Troy Brown (literally and
figuratively) and I can at least take solace in knowing that the ultimate
"team" guy made such a critical play to win the game.
5. The Patriots acted like it was their first time ever winning a big game
and acted like clowns in our back yard.
The Chargers are currently in possession of the classiest player in the
NFL--LaDainian Tomlinson. Not only is he the classiest---he's the best! I
support L.T. and his disapproval of the Patriot Franchise. I can clearly
see that the very ethos that propelled the Patriots to 3 championships is
DEAD. This was more than evident when they chose to dance like clowns in the
center of Jack Murphy Field and stomp on our lightning bolt and then proceed
to disrespect our players. Until that moment the Patriots had always "acted
like they had been there before."
Next week, join me in cheering FOR the Patriots so they can ultimately be
stomped by the Bears (like Superbowl XX) or the Saints (Yea Brees!). West
coast support has officially been withdrawn for your elitist franchise and
you now draw the full wrath of my being (For those who know me---think New
York Yankees).
In addition to stating my position on that deplorable franchise I would
like to rally the faithful to Join me in Foxborough, Massachusetts next season
so that we can bear witness to the San Diego Chargers avenging this---this
winter of our discontent. As of right now, a date has not been set, but we
are definitely playing in Mass. next season. Join me, where we will drink
far too much, yet maintain our dignity and represent San Diego well.
In addition to renouncing my support for the Patriots I am also terminating
my membership in Red Sox Nation. I now hate the Red Sox on par with the New
York Yankees (let's be honest and call a spade a spade...If the Yankees are
the "Evil Empire" the Red Sox are really only a couple of steps behind....
the Red Sox are "Mini-Me" to the Yanks "Dr. Evil".
I hope my position has been clarified on the things I hate most in the
WORLD:
1. New England Patriots
2. New York Yankees
3. Boston Red Sox
4. Terrorism
5. People who don't return their grocery shopping carts to their proper
areas
Numbers four and five are a little off topic but I feel it necessary to
finish lists in a top five format.
Please respond and join my cause. Direct the negative energy in your lives
to the classless organization in the New England region of our fine country.
Join me there next fall and don your powder blue!!!!!
Sincerely
Enormously disgruntled Charger and Padre fan---cultivator of Patriot hatred.
For more of the ensuing email banter [Click here]
Dear Chargers
Please beat Jets. I'm in need of sanity restoration.
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