A Universal Distress Signal For Padres Fans

As I waded through the crowds during Spring Training I had a thought. I've found thoughts to be a dangerous thing. If I'm left to my own devices and given moments for revery I tend to fixate on those thoughts. Ultimately I have no choice but to write about them in an effort to purge myself of the erratic nonsense pinging around the tin-can that is my mind.

Having said that, this is my thought on a method for Padres fans to signal distress during the most dire of times . . .

Crowds can be distressing but this is not about crowds per se. It is about the accompanying diversity of baseball fans that is found within the crowd.

During Spring Training these crowds descended upon the greater Phoenix area and provided me with a sense of dis-ease. It was Spring Training for God's sake, and for the most part I felt great! There I was amongst friends, under a near perfect sky, and with the return of baseball imminent, I felt . . . distressed.

Sometimes we see our nation's flag flown upside down from individuals who are protesting a perceived injustice. To fly a flag upside down however is formally meant as a military distress signal.

On account of the San Francisco Giants fans tramping around Peoria, still adorned in 2010 World Series gear during the year 2012, and as a fan of the San Diego Padres, I felt there needed to be some sort of distress signal for our ilk.

One can only bear so many reminders of how the team you support (the Padres) collapsed to a divisional rival (the Giants) and then that miserable rival went on to win a championship (f&*k!). The new jerseys with World Series patches, and the hats with . . . trophies, I guess . . . they're distressing to say the least.

As fans of the Padres we need advance warning that these types are permeating an area so we can take proper action. Whether it involves leaving the area all together or simply staring at the ground as you meander through the crowd, a distress signal must be provided for no other reason than to quell an overactive imagination (see: me).

I present to Padres fans a Universal Distress Signal:

I don't know how this will work. Feel free to run with it though -- T-shirts, flags, banners -- knock yourself out.

Crap, this is a terrible idea. Look,  I just don't want to see this phallic trophies anymore . . . is that so wrong?