Padres and Pints Episode 3 Preview: Port Brewing/Lost Abbey

 This is the REEL Episode 3. The FAKE Episode 3 was the special edition of Padres and Pints at Fanfest. But this is REEL. Just listen to the music . . .

African Proverbs That Orlando Hudson Has Never Heard

 Rain beats a leopard's skin, but it does not wash out the spots ~The Ashanti of West Africa

 

Utilized as teaching tools, Proverbs act as tools for the oral transmission of culture from one generation to the next in parts of Africa. The above proverb immediately came to mind when I heard some commentary related to Padres second baseman Orlando Hudson yesterday . . .

 

Padres beat writer Bill Center conducts a chat each week on the UT website, fielding questions from fans. A couple of fellow fans (@thesacbunt and @vocalminoritySD) generally transcribe interesting parts of the chat via Twitter under the hashtag #sezBill.

From the Sac Bunt:

And also:

Orlando Hudson is 34 years old so I'm not holding my breath that a good rain beating down upon him will change who he is at a fundamental level. But I hope I'm wrong*.

*Only so we can trade him by July 31st.

 

I wondered if there were other proverbs that could retroactively help Orlando Hudson and discovered the following:

 

 Perhaps Orlando Hudson would have thought twice about insulting fans last spring after they voiced displeasure about the play of Brad Hawpe had he heard this one:

Do not tell the man carrying you that he stinks. ~Sierra Leone

Fans are the ones who watch television and attend games. They are the ones who make it possible for the Orlando Hudson's of the world to clear nearly $12 million dollars in 2 years. Accept the stink and revel in it,

 

Hudson was not the best fit in the clubhouse because he was never exposed to this truth:

A real family eats the same cornmeal. ~Bayombe

In Hudson's defense I'd bolt the clubhouse early too if Jeff Moorad was serving cornmeal as the after game spread.


Rekindling the fire at the age of 34, Orlando Hudson would do well to remember:

There is no medicine against old age. ~Accra

The nature of reality is impermanence. Buddha said that. If the Buddha could speak to the O-Dog he'd likely say, "You dyin' dog."

 

After throwing a ball into the stands with only two outs remember these two proverbs when speaking to reporters:

When your mouth stumbles, it's worse than feet. ~Oji

The teeth of a man serve as a fence. ~Wolof    

When your team is in last place and you exhibit the mental gaffe of the year DO NOT tell reporters you thought it was funny. It must be difficult to always be in self-censor mode but I advise the O-Dog to heed the collective wisdom of the Oji and Wolof.

 

If Orlando Hudson had the awareness of those in Kenya he may never have allowed someone else to speak on his behalf through Twitter:

The forest has ears. ~Kenya

Our modern day forest is Twitter and it has both ears and a zealous voice. I'd be remiss if I did not point out that without this transgression by Hudson we would have never heard the meme, #mowmylawn . . . so thank you, O-Dog.

 

Maybe Orlando Hudson will become a deep thinker during this off-season. It may or may not occur due to education by proverb.

The Problem With San Diego

That last post was a downer. Let this post lift us up where we belong...

I bought some t-shirts a couple weeks ago from The Sacrifice Bunt. The Sacrifice Bunt is a good Padres blog that you should read. In addition to being a good Padres blog that you should read, The Sacrifice Bunt makes and sells T-shirts. T-Shirts with a message...

Just so we're clear... this is not a dish rag... it is merely a screen shot of the front of the T-Shirt.

Now don't go thinking you can make this on your own with your fancy-schmancy Hewlett Packard ink jet and some crappy iron-on insert sheets from Staples or the Office Depot*. Because if you did your shirt wouldn't have this...

...and then everyone would know you're a phony!

Anyways... these shirts were a big hit as Christmas gifts. One to my dad and one to my brother. My brother immediately took a picture of it and sent it to one of his friends... a friend from Boston... living in San Diego....you know the type, right?
(click "Read More" to continue)
The Problem With San Diego
San Diego, for the most part, is a city of transplanted residents (myself included). There is nothing wrong with this fact. San Diego is beautiful. Who wouldn't want to escape the eastern winter climes? I get why people move here... it's what the educated would refer to as obvious. 

My issue however is with those who move to San Diego and refuse to acknowledge it as their home. They bask in the winter warmth provided by a steady Mediterranean climate but at every turn fail to acknowledge that their paycheck is signed by an entity, here, in San Diego.

Good God, man... where is your bread buttered!?

These people had no issue with abandoning their families back east but to suggest that they shelve their Cubs/Red Sox/Yankees/(fill in the blank) cap in favor of one adorned with an SD is BLASPHEMOUS in the odd little world these state-traitors reside.

Fine, I say.

If you want to wear your Red Sox shit to a game being played between the San Diego Padres and the Philadelphia Phillies, I say fine.

I will be wearing my T-Shirt that, in a round-about-way, suggests you should go home and shovel the god damn snow out of your parents' driveway.

Viva San Diego!
//eating a carne asada burrito
//wearing a brown Padres hat
//thinking about the World Famous San Diego Zoo
//suggesting you should click the above link to get your Sac Bunt T-shirt

*The level of detail I have provided would seem to suggest that I tried to create a knock-off version of The Sacrifice Bunt's glorious creation. I did not... at least with this specific T-shirt, I did not.

Stuck In My Craw: Padres Pitchers......and The Sacrifice Bunt-ing

Blog names are always interesting. Some have obvious meanings and others leave something to the imagination. I've always wondered why "The Sacrifice Bunt" calls itself The Sacrifice Bunt. I looked through their archives (first few posts anyways) to see if there were any explanations but found nothing. I met Melvin last week at Beerfest but the question wasn't at the top of my action item list*. I can only hypothesize as to why Melvin and Ray named their blog The Sac Bunt. It goes something like this:

Are you EFFING SERIOUS? Really? Really, Chris Young? All you have to do is stick the bat out and catch the ball with the barrel of your bat and you can't even do that? Really? It's the most basic of tasks. Not to mention....you're a PROFESSIONAL!!! Really? You are the best in the WORLD at this task. ALLEGEDLY!!! Not to mention it would dramatically help your cause....you know....kind of like free throws in the NBA.....they're FREE POINTS, for the love of Scott Brosius!!!. Move a runner over, big fella. Get yourself a run and in the process, maybe a win. Geez.......(walks away to inaudible grumbling "my grandmother could have pushed that bunt down the first base line!")

(click "Read More" to continue)

 I cannot say if those were their exact sentiments but I will confirm that they were mine after watching Clayton Richard and Tim Stauffer try to advance runners last night. They both looked liked scared little leaguers who had never attempted a sacrifice in their lives. Each one of these guys failed miserably in their efforts to get the barrel of the bat out in front of the plate to "catch the ball". Richard's attempt was terrible and he ended up striking out when he languished on his third attempt. It may have been Stauffer's failed attempt however, that was the most egregious. Tim Stauffer failed to get a runner in scoring position when the game had already moved to extra innings. Had he been successful he may have averted giving up the eventual game winning HR to the Rockies Ian Stewart in the 12th. The Padres lost 6-5.

[Post game pep talk while Clay and Timmy eat their orange slices. The Avenger-In-Chief addresses them in a firm but fair tone of voice.]

I love having you guys on the team. Timmy....you've adapted so well to your roll in the bullpen that up until last night you had not allowed a run in relief. As a reliever with the ability to eat up a lot of innings any time you appear, you have tremendous value to the club......but Timmy......you've got to help your cause when you're at the plate.......teams with $38 million dollar payrolls aren't gonna get far if they fail to execute the fundamentals. That goes for you too, Clayton. You had a great two base hit but it doesn't change the fact that you [in a hushed voice so as not to incite the prying eyes and ears of interloping parents] sh*t the bed in your bunt attempt earlier in the night. Fundamentals, Clayton. Fundamentals. I expect more out of a Michigan man [guilt]. You two.....keep pitching like you have been....but keep the fundamentals in mind....those are what get teams to the promised land. I love you guys [musses up their hair then slaps the on the a**]. Now get back to work. We got the Astros next.

Take note Bud Black. Bunting is important. Especially sacrifice bunting. The singular art of sacrifice bunting spawned an eponymous website. Take note.....Buddy.

*ACTION ITEM LIST

1. Get Beer from Ballast Point
2. Get Beer from Stone Brewing
3. Punch myself in the face for wading into the center of the most epic of queue clusterf*cks EVER!
4. Maneuver my way out of said queue clusterf*ck
5. Buy a $5 buck Budweiser
6. Wait....that's not 14 oz, is it?.....I'll take the $7.50 version
7. Self-loathing for unreasonable amount of money spent on pre-game
8. Discuss ancient Greek philosophers.
9. Score game/Enjoy game
10. Jump up and down because I heard Pennywise's Bro Hymn

Padres Week 3: Rough Weekend @ The $9 buck cup

Three weeks down and the Padres are sitting 2 above .500---2 1/2 behind LA. It could be worse. The disappointing news is in that we were swept by the Giants (only a 2 game set) and then dropped a series to the Pirates at home.....our pitcher's park....where Jake Peavy can't seem to....well, pitch! The Padres are over .500 and Jake is under .500 (2-3).

While the team is beginning to come back to earth they still exhibit elements of entertaining baseball whether it be the fundamentals (moving runners over, backing up positions), hustle (see David Eckstein), sound hitting (Adrian Gonzalez crushed one like no other ever hit at The Bark, yesterday) or the youth movement (Headley, Hundley,--insert bullpen pitcher here--, the injured Evereth Cabrera). Those are all positive things and when coupled with good prices they are reasons to stay on the bandwagon.

More interesting Padre bits and pieces:

• Geoff Young looking at the last week and the overuse of a certain pitch by a certain pitcher, in his column Eight Sliders Sliding [Ducksnorts]

• Padre Unis....after all, a Friar does wear a brown robe not Blue [The Sacrifice Bunt]

• A struggling Peavy and yesterday's debacle against the Pirates [San Diego UT]

• A podcast by Craig Elsten and Chris Ello regarding the Padres "surging" (tongue-in-cheek) to a power ranking of #10 in MLB [619 Sports]

Three game set against the Rockies gets going at 5;40 pm today.....Chris Young must right the ship.