Massachusetts Exports More Than Just Dunkin Donuts Coffee...

...and you thought the primary exports of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts were the ubiquitous ex-pat Masshole fan and individually packaged consumer servings of Dunkin Donuts coffee (thank you Costco...an excellent import)!

We've come to find that Mass. gives us mas....

.....in the form of Patriot Cheerleader/ Graphic Artist....

.....and by Graphic we mean Sharpie scrawled cock 'n' balls etched on to the bodies of unsuspecting passed out drunks!

With the absence of Tom Brady and the aura of Patriot invincibility shattered in '08, times are slow for espousing Patriot hate . However, as we read through Deadspin we were intrigued by the swift justice doled out by the New England Patriots front office. It's absolutely unacceptable, as an employee of a major corporation, to be drawing swastikas on passed out partiers...but what about a penis?

The cock 'n' balls is the official branding of anyone who passes out at a party! There are those who are fond of shaving off a drunk's eyebrow....and then there's everyone else....everyone else who draws a penis! Look at the picture below: She doesn't look like someone who would draw a swastika....that Minuteman Cheerleader has cock 'n' balls written all over her face....figuratively speaking....

Surely she cannot be faulted for doing what any reasonable person would do to an idiot who passes out at a party (we were always partial to filling up a "sleeper's" ear with any available condiment found in the refer...typically ketchup or mustard...and our reader in Australia can attest to that harsh (and messy) treatment (Sorry Morg...I don't have a digitized version of the picture).

So we've taken up the mantle for a Patriot...alas, an ex-Patriot. We condone her behavior but somehow we feel that alone won't keep her boyfriend from wanting to kick our ass...

(This is an excerpt from the aforementioned Deadspin article, And At Week's End, The First Chapter In The Catlin Davis Penis Drawing Kerfluffle Comes To A Close.
If we wind up unconscious and in a ditch please contact editor of Deadspin for release of angry boyfriend's name...the list of suspects would be long but he's probably at the top and the motive is in writing...and signed...should be an open and shut case.):

[Sic'd]

How are you guys doing?

My name is [redacted]and I am a currently deployed US Marine. I am writing you on behalf of my Fiancé, she is a New England Patriots cheerleader whom you made a bullshit story up about. My time with her on the phone is extremely valuable to me, so when I call her and she is complaining and upset about this story you guys posted, it really pisses me off. I love this girl to death and you are making her already stressful life even more stressful which is pissing me off and that’s not good. I am asking you to take down this post as a favor for me, I am trying not to be a dick about it but I promise that if if this isn’t taken care of I will be home in a couple of months and I promise you won’t like the outcome. The fact that you took a picture from a night of fun and drinking and turned it around on her to make her seem like the bad guy is fucked up, you guys are true American dooshbags and obviously weren’t loved enough or raised right by your dad because you don’t respect anyone. You think your all high and mighty because you’re a fucking nerd and can’t live your own life so you make shit up. I can promise you that if she continues to be hurt by this, than you won’t like it when I retrun stateside, I am in love wit this girl and your hurting the one I love so y ou can only expect me to do the same but in a bigger manner and far worse. I am trying not to lose my cool here but you guys really fucked up and I am asking you to fix it. But the ball is in your court since I’m deployed I cannot take any other action, just know I am not the only one out here who is going to be acting on this.

Absolutely horrible! We've heard of military expenditures that included $100 toilet seats yet this guy is using a word processor from 1992 without a spell check feature. Written threats, grammatically correct or utter disasters, are always bad ... just like tattooing people with swastikas, then mugging for a camera, followed by posting your likeness next to that universal symbol for hate on your Facebook Page.

Upon review....a penis and a nice set of balls is pretty funny and well deserved when you decide to drink self into a coma at a Halloween party (try ketchup/mustard ear, also very funny).