Omar Minaya And My Inner Cynic

The Padres added Omar Minaya to the front office yesterday in a capacity similar to the one held by Josh Byrnes in 2011 while Jed Hoyer was San Diego's General Manager. The UT's Bill Center writes:

“Omar’s job will be similar to what I did last year,” said Byrnes. “I’ll be traveling a lot,” added Minaya, who was the general manager of Montreal from 2002-2004 and the Mets from 2004-2010.

A native of the Dominican Republic, Minaya was the first Hispanic general manager in the major leagues. He picked the Padres over a half dozen other offers.

 I asked a Mets fan what he thought of Omar Minaya and he opined that the former New York GM is a solid evaluator of talent if not a strong general manager. So that sounds like a good thing.

But my inner cynic reads that last part by Center and I immediately attribute the Minaya signing to all of the silly Josh Byrnes details Don Norcross saw fit to provide us with last week.

On the flip side, my rational mind notes that, at least Minaya was in demand.

Welcome aboard, Mr. Minaya.

FJM'd: Don Norcross and his subject, Padres GM Josh Byrnes

Sometimes the subject of an interview has many stupid things to say. If every stupid thing the subject says is included in the final column or the writer fails to frame it ever so precisely, unintended and overwhelming folly ensues. For both writer and subject.

I give you new Padres GM Josh Byrnes as reported so terribly by the Union Tribune's Don Norcross....


The plane carrying the victorious, bleary-eyed Boston Red Sox from St. Louis landed in Beantown at about sunrise. The Curse of the Bambino had been exorcised, the 2004 Red Sox sweeping the Cardinals in baseball’s 100th World Series, 86 years of heartache laid to rest.

Just when people were beginning to believe that Jalalabad, Afghanistan was San Diego's Sister city Don Norcross steps in to set things straight with the Boston, Massachusetts reference. I think the point would have been stronger had he mentioned Ted Williams, Bobby Doerr, Adrian Gonzalez, Theo Epstein, and Jed Hoyer.

Boston was yawning, still wiping sleep from its eyes as buses transporting the Red Sox to Fenway Park swept through downtown. But when the a.m. types realized the buses’ occupants, they celebrated.

New York is the town that never sleeps. Boston is the city that yawns. Tell me more...

Fans unfurled morning newspapers, shaking them at their heroes. Construction workers standing atop scaffolding jumped up and down.

With dwindling circulation, Don Norcross plants the seeds that will turn the UT back into a cash cow. I can't stand feeling inferior to Boston. I can read. I can unfurl a newspaper! Give me more UT. Don Norcross is a genius!

Wait . . . what is this article about?

Byrnes smiles and says, “It’d be pretty nice to bring that first World Series championship to San Diego.” 

Oh, hey! Josh Byrnes! New Padres GM! I thought this was the UT's travel section.

 In Hoyer’s place as general manager arrives Byrnes, at 41 only four years older than Hoyer, but, his perpetual smile aside, seemingly more hardened. Termination will do that. Only 18 months ago, Byrnes was pink-slipped as Arizona’s GM with five years remaining on his contract. 

An excellent job creating empathy for the new guy in town. If I signed an 8 year contract and got to sit around doing nothing while collecting the remaining 5 years I would be hardened too. Harder than a motherf*&ker!

“He was hurt, no doubt,” says Byrnes’ wife, Charity, a Mt. Carmel High graduate. “To be in this business, it’s not just a job. It sort of overcomes you and your family. He gave his heart and soul. It was very painful. To be honest, it’s not gone.

Oh lord. You included a quote from his wife, Don? She sounds like my mom after I got snubbed for All-Stars when I was 12 . . . which incidentally, was a travesty.

Moms and wives only discredit arguments, Don. They're too emotional. Charity from Mt. Carmel has discredited her husband and our GM before he's even started his first season. Way to emasculate the guy, Charity... AND Don!

“He’s moved on, but at the same time, it’s not like he roots for Arizona. Even if we were in the AL Central, he wouldn’t root for them, let alone being in the same division.”

Great. Now you're letting his wife pick a fight with Arizona? Wait. Perhaps I can get behind that sort of childlike pettiness.

So who is Josh Byrnes, the Padres’ ninth general manager as the club approaches its 44th season?

Oh, finally...

He was raised in Washington, D.C., by a single mother whom he unabashedly admits is the most influential person in his life. Sue Byrnes worked in government relations for a New York public relations firm, making the rounds in Congress.

So he's a momma's boy?

She stood on the National Mall for Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech. She worked for Bobby Kennedy and met JFK when he was president.

What does this have to do with the Padres new GM? And you're doing his poor single mother no favors by putting her name in the same circles as Jack and Bobby Kennedy.

“With my mouth wide open,” she says. “I couldn’t say anything.”

Couldn't say anything about what? About witnessing MLK's historic speech or meeting JFK?

If you're leaving me to guess then  I'm going to go with the time Josh ate his poo after it squirted out of his diaper as he ate butternut squash in his high-chair during his 18th month of life.

She volunteers for President Obama.

Now it all makes sense. This is a political piece. Mother Byrnes' socialist leanings have prepared Josh to run a franchise that requires dependence on revenue sharing from the well-to-do. This article is versatile. It could have been on the front page of the Union Tribune. Below the fold, of course.

Josh Byrnes attended private school with Jesse Jackson’s son, Yusef, and basketball star Grant Hill. Byrnes’ best friend since the age of 5 is African American.

I attended school with a star football player who robbed a doughnut store. It was not a private school. Josh Byrnes is better than my type. He's upper-crust. And now, like a proper leftist with DC beginnings, he's slumming it with a bottom feeder organization like the Padres.

Regarding his youth athletics, he says, “Often times, I was the minority on the field.”

The good readers of San Diego are questioning the inclusion of this quote by Norcross as irrelevant but I think they're missing the point. Josh Byrnes' has experience as a minority and it will be no different as an executive of a Major League Baseball franchise. Just look at the picture that accompanies this UT article. Things are never easy for guys who look like Josh Byrnes.

Speaking of youth athletics . . . I too was a minority on the field. I was one of the only ones who had the courage to attempt switch-hitting as a youngster. I looked like an athletic female. Like Jessica Biel.

On the subject of diversity, he adds, “People are different. We don’t all need to look alike and think alike.”
  
AJM Quick Poll:

More ridiculous? 
1.) Josh Byrnes' trite commentary.
2.) Don Norcross' inclusion of trite commentary.

“He was a Division I talent playing at a Division III school,” says Thad Levine, a Haverford teammate who worked with Byrnes at Colorado and is now the Texas Rangers’ assistant general manager.

Underachiever! He'll fit nicely within the San Diego sports scene.

Byrnes’ senior year, a scout checking out an Eastern University infielder asked Haverford’s coach if he had a prospect. The coach said to keep an eye on Byrnes. Byrnes hit a grand slam off the prospect, who also pitched.

So the prospect was being scouted as an infielder? But like most good athletes at small universities he also pitched? But he was being scouted as an infielder, not a pitcher? And Josh Byrnes hit a home run off the prospect . . . who was an infielder, not a pitcher?

And the fact that the scout overlooked him brought surprise to Josh Byrnes?

Recalls Byrnes, “I said, ‘OK, I’ve done about all I can do.’ The phone never rang.”

See previous commentary.

Life’s fork in the road came at a Haverford alumni baseball game. Haverford’s coach said Byrnes should spend some time with Ron Shapiro, a Haverford alum and baseball agent whose clientele included Cal Ripken Jr., Kirby Puckett and Eddie Murray.

You gotta know people in life, and Josh Byrnes seems to have been blessed by the contacts only one could make by attending a prestigious school like Harvard. I mean Haverford.

And so began Byrnes’ baseball escalator ride. From Indians intern in 1994 to director of scouting by 1999. From Rockies assistant GM in ’99 to Red Sox assistant GM in 2002. From Diamondbacks’ GM in 2005 to fired in 2010, now to Padres GM.

The Byrnes ascension through the ranks seems like a dream come true. Not something that would harden one to reality. Don Norcross disagrees. Because agreement would have required a rewrite. And he was at deadline.

Former co-workers rattle off common success traits when describing Byrnes: intellectual, disciplined, driven. There’s another quality that may set him apart — a willingness to think outside the box.

There's only one way to think when running a team like the Padres . . . and that's outside the box. What are we in store for? Left handed first basemen? Left handed catchers? Pitchers hitting 8th?!!

So the Rockies devised an “intern quiz” that would reveal if applicants were longtime baseball fans. Who was the player who famously put his arm around Jackie Robinson? (Pee Wee Reese.) Who hit the ball to center field when Willie Mays made his famous over-the-shoulder catch at the Polo Grounds? (Vic Wertz.)

An "intern quiz"? That's outside of the box? If an intern quiz is devised in such a way that I might get the job . . . there might be a problem. 

I like the Jackie Robinson/Pee Wee Reese diversity question though. It supports Josh Byrnes's assertion that his best friend, as a youth, was African-American.

At Cleveland, Byrnes supported the drafting of a player some deemed too big (CC Sabathia). At Boston, he endorsed selecting a player considered too small (Dustin Pedroia).

Josh Byrnes' belief in diversity is not limited to issues of race.

Look forward to drafts that include lumbering corner outfielders that defy the spaciousness of PETCO Park and pygmies out of Papua New Guinea to play the middle infield. Goodbye, Orlando Hudson!.

And at Arizona in 2009, he hired A.J. Hinch as manager even though Hinch had never coached or managed professionally.

Continuing with the theme of "looking forward" can I suggest a Managerial Triumvirate comprised of Mark Loretta, Trevor Hoffman and Chris Denorfia who will teach outfield dives?

“I was shocked,” admits Hinch.

I once hired an electrician to fix leaky plumbing in the kitchen. The leak was stemmed to a moderate drip which was an unforeseen surprise. The piping however, was now decorated like a Christmas Tree, which was freaking awesome!

I was shocked. Pleasantly.

Alas, if you dare to be great, sometimes you fall flat. The Diamondbacks posted an 89-123 record under Hinch. On July 1, 2010, Hinch and Byrnes were fired. 

Managers are only worth a few wins a year. This record speaks more to the team Byrnes assembled. And also how crappy AJ Hinch was a manager. I'm starting to write like Don Norcross. Forgive me.

Hinch is now a Padres assistant general manager.

Mediocrity must be rewarded. Very "outside the box".

Regarding the Hinch-as-manager experiment, Byrnes says, “We just never won enough. Anytime you have a controversial hire, you’re on a short leash. When we didn’t produce winning baseball, the natives got pretty restless.”

Natives in Arizona? Laughable!

Asked how the Padres can win with a modest payroll, Byrnes says, “I’m a big believer in belief. I think belief is a powerful thing.”

San Diego needs more believers in belief. If you believe hard enough it's good for at least one comma and three zeroes added to the bottom line. Believe it.

Like Hoyer, Byrnes believes there are no quick fixes and that the Padres must build in the same manner as the Tampa Bay Rays, via the draft.

If there was any doubt in Josh Byrnes and his belief in belief, Don Norcross erased it with this excerpt.

A Padres championship team, he says, must be built around pitching and defense. The team needs more dominant starting pitching. Position players, he says, must be built around speed, defense, quality at-bats “and a tenacious relentlessness about how they play.”

Tenacious relentlessness. It's like persistent single-mindedness. But with a teaspoon of stubborness.

He’s a Cameron Maybin believer and wants to sign the center fielder to a contract extension, although talks have not intensified.

If you believe, thy Cameron Maybin will extend.

If the man is worried, he conceals it well. Kevin Towers’ GM signature was his brashness, his most memorable line directed to the Dodgers — “There’s a new sheriff in town.”

I think the internet has covered this misstep ad nauseum. In Don Norcross' defense... Kevin Malone was pretty forgettable.

Byrnes’ handle, for now, is his smile. Not a goofy, happy-go-lucky grin. Just a content, life-is-good smile.

 Goofy, happy-go-lucky grin? Why does Heath Bell need to get a kick in the balls on the way out the door?

Sue Byrnes says her son has been that way since he slept in a crib. “He would wake up with a big smile on his face,” Sue says. “I called him Mr. Sunshine.”

Awwwww. Moms are the best.

****
 Don Norcross and Nick Canepa are making this off-season fun.

Guest Post: @Homersapien619 is mad at Orlando Hudson types . . . and he ain't gonna take it anymore!

A blog is a place to vent. As such, I have an open door policy to those who have become friends. When you factor into the equation that this post simultaneously denigrates both Orlando Hudson and Shaun Phillips I have little choice but to acquiesce.

This column comes from a man known on the Internet as @Homersapien619 and 'tis his first foray into the blogging business. Welcome him, please.

Congratulations, Homer! You're officially an a-hole.

This is my first ever blog submission. I’m normally one of the guys in the background, doing a lot of technical stuff, making the writers look good. Hopefully, this is going to live up to the Avenging Jack Murphy standards of excellence. That means there will be at least one Joe Randa reference, guaranteed. But, I haven’t been drinking Ballast Point Sculpin IPA, so it’s doubtful there will be any misspelled capitalization errors (see: vIlL WeNaBlE).

That having been said, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend among San Diego “professional” athletes this year in terms of interacting with their fans via social media sites like Twitter.

If you don’t know, I have been coordinating social media locally for a Fortune 500 company, so I think I have a little insight into how not to interact with customers (aka fans) via Twitter. And lately, certain San Diego athletes have been doing it wrong.

I have dubbed it the “Mow My Lawn” rule, after the following interaction between Padres fan, Scott Colson and the account of Padres 2^nd baseman Orlando Hudson.

I say account because it was obvious that someone else was tweeting for Orlando. But that’s another story altogether.

Anyone who knows me knows I’m not a Chargers fan. In fact, I’m really not a football fan. I follow the sport, but nowhere near as closely as others.

But Monday I just happened to come across a couple of tweets from two Chargers players that fall under the “Mow My Lawn” rule. The following tweets are prime examples of why I don’t like the Chargers organization as a whole, and the current players in particular.

First up, I give you TE Randy McMichael (@randymac81):

I didn’t include his tweet shortly after this one where he calls a fan an @$$hole after said fan made a joke involving some of the people he was following (Editor's note: Wow . . . you're not as big of an asshole as I thought, Homer!)
 

Hey, Randy. It’s never a good idea to denigrate grocery baggers. Next thing you know, your bread & eggs are underneath the milk.

Secondly, I give you everyone's Twitter favorite, LB Shaun Phillips (@ShaunPhillips95):

 What can I say about this sequence? I’ve heard it all before from Shaun. He’s notorious for berating critics with his tweets. Even when he deserves it.
 

 My point is this: Yes, we know that you’re getting paid to do a job that most of us can’t do. But you should remember that as fans, we pay our hard earned money to buy tickets. Or jerseys. Or t-shirts. Or MLB Extra Innings. Or NFL Sunday Ticket. Most of us don’t have a lot of disposable income to buy these things. So you should man-up and take the criticisms with a grain of salt.

Does this mean you should respond with “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I disagree with your point,” or “I understand and I’ll do better next time”? No. I’m sure I’d call you a pussy if you took that stance. But take some responsibility for the way your TEAM is playing.

That’s right, I said TEAM. 

The fact is that the Chargers have lost 5 in a row as I write this. I have no idea how Randy McMichael or Shaun Phillips are playing right now. They could suck more than the suckiest bunch of sucks whoever sucked. Or they could be invoking the image of Joe Randa, roundhouse kicking their way into the record books. But their TEAM is playing like the suckiest bunch of sucks whoever sucked.

There’s that word again. TEAM.

 *Editor's Note: Excellent Joe Randa product placement.

I'm Lost: A Question For Those On The Beat, Media Types, And Padres Fans

We have been told that the only reason Jed Hoyer was even allowed to discuss employment with Theo Epstein and the Chicago Cubs is because Jeff Moorad felt that he had a suitable replacement within the organization (Josh Byrnes). Without the presence of Byrnes the request is denied, a non-starter as they say.

But what about Assistant GM, Jason McLeod? There was nobody in house to replace him as the Padres looked outside of the organization to hire Chad McDonald. Why was this allowed to happen?

Without the presence of Jason McLeod the Padres farm system doesn't look nearly as good as it does right now, so it seems like a legitimate question. I've searched but found nothing.

It's almost as though Jason McLeod is still fulfilling a term of indentured servitude (2 years served of 7) and Jeff Moorad was forced to let him go to Chicago on account of him being Jed's property.

Anyone know the answer? Has the question been asked but I'm a bit too deaf, a little too blind?

LeBronification, Jed Hoyer . . . and oatmeal

I've been eating oatmeal everyday for the last month. It provides a solid start to my day. And that is important in so many ways.

But it was a few days ago that I ate my oatmeal and knew that something was amiss. Could oatmeal possibly go bad? It didn't taste bad, just not right. So I picked up the box and sure enough, there was an expiration date, which had long since passed.

The following post is like that box of oatmeal. The content (Jed Hoyer commentary) will not be too bad but it is most assuredly old. But it will be good for me to write it just as the oatmeal is good for me to eat.

Eat at your own discretion...

Jed Hoyer has left the Padres for a 2011-2012 reunion with Theo Epstein and been replaced with Josh Byrnes. Joing Hoyer in Chicago is Jason McLeod, the architect of a surging Padres farm system. Presumably McLeod's skill set is to be replaced by AJ Hinch. OK.

LeBronification?

When I was a youngster I loved Michael Jordan. I saw him play in person and always if on TV. I admired his greatness. He was great because of what he could do with a basketball but he was even greater because he could win; the greatest achievement one can have in sport. I admired Michael Jordan for staying in Chicago and persevering. He played on some teams that looked like they may never be able to punch through and call themselves champions. The Celtics and Pistons always in their way. But the Bulls persevered and were rewarded for doing so.

We don't see players wait it out so much these days, like Jordan did. Do players jump ship for greener pastures? Sure they do. But the pastures aren't just more green with money. I believe that some jump ship for easier pastures. Rather than battle for championships, players attempt to jump to a team that they feel is closer to achieving the goal. Under these conditions the toil is far less.

This scenario is best personified by LeBron James. LeBron was so close to winning a championship in Cleveland and erasing Cavalier sins of the past but instead he left... for a dream team scenario. Lebron stood up and essentially said, "I'm not good enough to carry the Cavaliers to a Championship. I'm going to Miami." Perhaps the candor was admirable through the eyes of some.

Somewhere in the middle of that fictitious quote lies the truth. But to me it merely created a name for a phenomenon that I really don't care for all too much. Jumping ship for easier pastures shall forever be called LeBronification.

Jed Hoyer and LeBronification

On the surface it seems as though Jed Hoyer felt he needed Theo Epstein and the Cubs. He didn't like the reality, that as a GM in San Diego, it would always be an up hill battle. So he took an opportunity to get the band back together . . . because that's what you do when you don't think you can do it on your own. Ask Blink 182 how that works.

Is this fair analysis? Not at all. It's not even intelligent analysis, really. But let's ignore Blink 182 for a minute and continue with Jed Hoyer....

I can't help but jump to the the conclusion I always jump to when I see guys try to plant themselves in situations that are "easier" in terms of available resources. So it is with that conclusion that I ultimately arrive at with Jed Hoyer. He wasn't confident in his abilities to achieve in San Diego.

The truth is . . . we'll never know the truth. I'm actually inclined to believe that Hoyer would have stayed had Jeff Moorad showed him some good faith. Jeff Moorad's decision not to give a contract extension and to allow him to negotiate with the Cubs was a tacit endorsement for Josh Byrnes who was already in house. And so Jed moved on.

People are rarely forthcoming about such details though, and I am left to interpret situations as I see them unfold. Part of me says that Jed Hoyer is guilty of LeBronification while the other part . . . the greater one, says . . . thank you for your two years in San Diego and putting the Padres on the right track.

Giving Nick Canepa The FJMing He Deserves

Fire Joe Morgan, the great website that moved onto a better, media-free world in late 2008, was the preeminent place for sports media criticism. Thus, to receive an FJMing, signifies a public demand for blood (or plasma if you would prefer) because a member of the media either mailed it in or failed at their most important task; making sense.

Which brings me to Saturday's column by Nick Canepa of the San Diego Union Tribune. I don't always agree with Nick Canepa. I'm speaking in code: what I mean to say is, I rarely ever agree with the man. But his article yesterday was on another level of "me-no-makey-sense". Let's explore.

Sez Me …

And here we go. Is there anything more tired than "Sez Me"? It's like always talking about Sculpin IPA or misspelling Will Venable's name.

In was in early October, 2009, that Padres boss Jeff Moorad fired General Manager Kevin Towers, and I wrote he’d just made the first major blunder of his captaincy.

Totally stupid blunder. Kevin Towers had only been here for 15 years. So dumb. It was like divorcing your wife after being married for 30 years and forfeiting nearly everything you own. Wait... someone did do that... we refer to him in these parts as, "The Guy Who Hired Kevin Towers In 1995". We're creative with our names around here.

For what money I have, Towers is the best GM in baseball, as he once again proved when he turned around woeful Arizona in a Phoenix minute (slower than New York’s, but fast enough).

Best GM in baseball based on having little money? I don't know what kind of money Nick Canepa has in his bank account but based on this being a Padres article I'm guessing it's nothing. I'm confused. Are there not better GMs than the guy who acquired Randy Meyers in 1998? And are we really assigning all of the credit in Arizona to Kevin Towers? People also wanted to give Towers the credit when Jed Hoyer was doing his part here in 2010. That Kevin Towers is clearly a God.

Moorad’s second blunder, obviously, was hiring Jed Hoyer as Towers’ replacement.

It would have been better to leave the position of GM vacant. Or bring back Joe McIlvaine.

Not that there was anything terribly wrong with Jed. Except that, coming here from snooty Boston, he obviously preferred big bowls of chowder to fish tacos. 

 Is this a small fish in a big bowl of chowder analogy? Or are we starting to equate snobbery with those who revel in soup?

So after two seasons he’s taken the first plane out of town to join fellow Red Sox brat packer Theo Epstein, who’s been given run of the dilapidated — but wealthy — Cubs.

Finally! A pop-culture reference! I loved Breakfast Club. And it was filmed in Chicago. Nick Canepa is owning us right now. OWNING. US.

Despite looking like a kid about to buy a prom night corsage, Hoyer seemed to know what he was doing. 

Wait. He looked like he knew what he was doing yet the hire was a blunder? Canepa is running circles around us. RUNNING. CIRCLES. AROUND. US. (My prom sucked. Canepa is mind-f*cking me right now.)

Like his predecessor, Hoyer was hamstrung by the Padres’ tight wallet. Unlike Towers, he chose not to stick around to see if he could handle the challenge and finish the work.

Towers stuck around for a reason. He wasn't fired sooner. You see, when a market is small, there is little chance of success unless the farm system is loaded. Towers failed to load the farm. Yet he kept his job. It's mysterious.

At least Epstein saw things through in Boston. Hoyer didn’t come close here.

Actually, in Theo Epstein's second year at the helm in Boston a World Series was claimed. And then Epstein quit after year three. Why? Because he wanted a contract extension. Just like Jed Hoyer.

Towers may not have drafted well — something I never will fully comprehend — but he had the great ability to fleece people in trades (the David Freese–for-Jim Edmonds deal was not one of them, but nobody’s perfect), and he got the club into the playoffs and World Series on a handmaiden’s budget.

CANEPA. IS. CORRECT. Towers was terrible in the draft! It's why the Padres haven't had a more sustained run of success.

But I must take umbrage with the crazy talk about getting the Padres to the World Series on a handmaiden's budget. Firstly because, I have no idea about the earning power of a handmaiden. Secondly, because the internet exists. The internet tells me that the Padres had the 9th highest payroll in 1998 and the disparity between 1st and 9th was a paltry $19 million.

And speaking of fleece(ing) I have two things to say: it's a comfortable product and also what Jed Hoyer did to the Florida Marlins. Hello Cameron Maybin. Goodbye fungible relief pitchers. (YES! I finally used the word fungible in a sentence.)

And no GM — maybe no GM ever — was better with pitchers, baseball’s plasma.

Some people write of "blood and guts" and others deal in "intestinal fortitude". Nick Canepa and I both broker in plasma. I sold my plasma in college and it allowed me to party like a rock star on Thursday nights.

Hoyer was in the process of rebuilding the club’s farm system, a good thing, when the glitter of Michigan Avenue beckoned. 

I have submitted "...rebuilding the club's farm system, a good thing...." as the understatement of the Mother f*ckING year.

At least he had that going for him, but even Jed readily admitted he screwed up this past off-season, sweeping a 90-win team of clubhouse leadership and miscalculating on veteran free agents who couldn’t cut it anymore.

I'm not a Hoyer apologist. But it's hard to calculate correctly on veteran free agents when the calculator you've been given is void of so many decimal places. You know this, Nick. So why mention it?

Young Hoyer also either bowed to upper management or public (I hope not) pressure to bring slugging minor league first baseman Anthony Rizzo

That Rizzo kid, for lack of a better word, RAPED the Pacific Coast League while an inept Brad Hawpe manned first base in PETCO Park. Why wouldn't he have been promoted?

Enter Josh Byrnes, former GM of the Diamondbacks when Moorad ran that club.

Our transformation is complete. We are now the San Diego Diamondbacks.

Byrnes was canned in Arizona, but he did some good things there. Many of the players Towers won with this year were brought in with Byrnes on the bridge. 

 I thought Towers gets all the credit because he's the Pitcher Whisperer. And there's also the matter of plasma.

What Towers did there was create a winning pitching staff and bullpen, his forte.

Uhhh.... Nick... I guess I'll give you the bullpen (only because, like you, I don't want to do the research) but the Diamondbacks only had four legitimate starters this year, three of which were acquired by Josh Byrnes (Hudson, Kennedy, Collmenter) and the other by Jerry Dipoto (Saunders). Good point though.

Byrnes, at 41, has a pedigree, having studied under good baseball people along the way. Hopefully, he’ll be more than a San Diego comet. Hopefully, he’ll buy, not rent.

Josh Byrnes has good pedigree. He's like a dog. And I'll be honest-- people who by houses are comfortable. I don't want a guy who's comfortable. Kevin Towers was comfortable. 15 years comfortable.

If Moorad wants to build a winner here, he has to keep GMs around long enough to learn their names. He can’t afford Blunder No. 3. …

 Jed's name only has three letters and I've heard Jeff Moorad say it on the Darren Smith Show numerous times. "Josh" on the other hand is a hella tricky name to master.

Losing assistant GM Jason McLeod, who’s headed for Chicago with Hoyer, may be the bigger loss …

Finally Nick Canepa makes crystal clear sense of this mess. I wish the clarity would have occurred before word number 553 of the column (I counted).

Epstein already has put the kibosh on Hoyer’s first planned move, signing Brad Hawpe …

Haha. Brad Hawpe jokes will never get old.

I can't wait to do this again.

Padres, Green Tea, and Misunderstandings

The rain pours sideways and it's never gentle. It's what the wind will do on an early October day.

I have been sick for the last week. A brutal four day stretch like none I've ever encountered. It included much time to my own devices lest I pollute those I love with an unrelenting upper respiratory viral infection. There's little that can be done for a virus. Lots of liquids. Lots of rest. Stay the course.

I haven't drank coffee or beer in the last week and I've eaten little. But there is one thing I've taken up-- tea. Any kind available really. I've sworn by it. The last few days have seen me venturing into Starbucks leaving only with a Green Tea, the biggest their baristas would provide. And that's really where this story begins...

As I entered Starbucks at 4:30 pm this afternoon I was prepared to order my second venti Green Tea of the day.

I approached the counter and said, "Venti Green Tea, please."

The recipient of my order was a man. A man named Steve. Steve looked at me incredulously. I didn't understand his incredulity. Is Green Tea on a cold rainy day some sort of monumental stretch? If so it is one in which I am unfamiliar.

Steve simply said, "Hot or cold?"

I replied, "Oh, hot, please."

 But my look suggested something quite different. I'm not sure but my face might have read, "It's cold mother fucker. I want it hot." Who can be certain of such things.

Our interface did not end there, though. Steve had more to say. I had replied hot but Steve had questions. Proper questions.

"What kind of hot tea? Because I could make a non fat soy green tea latte light on the foam or a Venti pump extra hot chai tea latte. Sometimes people like those on cold rainy days"


I looked at Steve. And then I looked over his shoulder. I needed to break eye-contact. I needed to break eye-contact and then take a deep meditative breath. And this simple action helped calm me.

Steve didn't need to be berated. And I'm sick . . . I haven't the energy for it. Steve needed something else. He needed to be complimented. So I looked at Barista Steve and I said the following:


"Steve, I admire your passion. It's not misguided and all would do well to have such passion for their day's work."


I had just paraphrased James Earl Jones as Terrence Mann in Field of Dreams. But Steve . . . he hadn't blinked an eye. The word lift, an unintentional and unforeseeable gaffe, left me undeterred. I carried on.


"If all had the passion that you bring to your job, Steve, the world would be a fine place."

Had I now lifted Hemingway? I continued...

"I appreciate your suggestions for my drink today. They were about as convoluted as anything I've ever heard but I appreciate the effort nonetheless. But, ya see Steve,  sometimes a tea is just a tea. No bells. No whistles. Just the simplicity of a teabag. Sometimes your customer just wants you . . . to give them a tea bag. The old fashioned way."


It hadn't even dawned on me that I had just given a soliloquy that could very well be censored in some states. How on Earth had Barista Steve received my signal? I couldn't tell. He simply turned, grabbed a cup, two Green tea tea-bags and started pouring hot water.


It was gonna be cold, wet and windy out there. I began to zip-up the high collar on my brown Padres heavy-weight track jacket and Barista Steve returned with my Green Tea. Money changed hands. In light of our conversation only minutes ago . . . it all seemed so dirty.


I looked at Steve. And in an attempt to put us back on some sort of level footing I said the only thing I could at that moment...


"Go Padres?"