Dear Patriot Tears #1

It is fun.

It is entertaining.

Let's listen to the cries of Patriot fan. Upon elimination from playoff contention the Patriot fan base is complaining mightily...let us listen to a cry each day of the new year, and we'll start it off tonight:

And now we get the disgusting spectacle of watching two .500 teams fight it out for an undeserved playoff berth in the AFC West. The Patriots should be going to the playoffs, it's a disgrace that they're not.

Posted by Richter December 28, 08 07:33 PM

Dear Patriot Tears,

Let us not forget that one half of that disgusting spectacle wrought destruction upon your franchise on October 12th, 2oo8.

The Axe has been Wielded

Didn't even see it coming. Shanahan fired two days after the sort of collapse that hadn't happened since 1967 when conferences went to divisional play. Doesn't seem fair...didn't Shanahan do an excellent job with what he had? He was down to his 8th tailback of the season and what do you expect when your defense is that porous? Just ask Cutler, he'll let you know what he thinks of the D. This really falls on the shoulders of the Denver Broncos General Manager...and there in lies the problem.

Mike Shanahan is also the team's General Manager therefore all deficiencies in personnel are his responsibility. Hard to believe that the wind blown Irishmen is gone but the buck does have to stop somewhere (even after a vote of confidence was given by the owner).

They haven't tasted any real success since Elway finished up---as I was astutely advised by Bronco Fans wearing Bubby Brister and John Elway jerseys this past Sunday evening---I guess on the heels of surrendering 52 points you must hang your hat on something..."Hey how many Super Bowls you got? None! We got two, '98 and '99!"

Yes you do Bronco Fan...yes you do...

It's also interesting to see the other dominoes falling....Romeo Crennel of the Browns and Eric Mangini of the Jets...both Belichick disciples. When the hell (oops) is Notre Dame gonna fire Charlie the Hutt?

Who are some of the "Hot" coaching and GM hires for 2009? None other than Patriots GM Scott Pioli and Offensive Coordinator Josh McDaniels.

We think it is quite clear that Bill Belichick is the Evil Genius behind the Patriots success...all others are merely figure heads in place to answer questions from the press so that Bill can scheme. Amazing...

Editor's Note:

Charger Fan in Donkey Land just texted the following message..."One broadcaster said last night, Shanahan could go to the Chargers next year."

Unless...Norv runs the table!

Best T-Shirt of the Week

Forget the Pro-Bowl! Would you want to be a part of a club that would take Brett Favre?

Of the numerous shirts to be had in the Stadium parking lot on game day...with the hijacked logos...stretched out collars...and silly slogans....this diamond in the rough shined like a beacon beyond the overflowing Porta-John.

Over our last four games Phillip Rivers tossed 11 TDs against 1 Int....the audacity of PRivers to show up Pro-Bowl quarterback Jay Cutler/Chokler/Little Hillbilly!

Ah, The Audacity of Hope....Thanks for keeping it going, Phillip.

See the boys at Frightening Lightning to get yours today.

Will You be Skiing this off season, Jay Cutler?

For Your Enjoyment...An excerpt from an extraordinarily crappy Yahoo article regarding the Charger/Bronco game on Sunday night...with a telling Jay Cutler quote:

The San Diego Chargers had just won the AFC West title in resounding fashion, defeating the Broncos, 52-21, to earn the right to host the Indianapolis Colts in a first-round playoff game six days later, and Cutler stopped to answer an unambiguous question: Was it fair to conclude that the team he just played is for real?

“These guys?” the Pro Bowl quarterback asked, gesturing to the players celebrating behind him. “San Diego? No, I don’t think so. I think Indy’ll handle ‘em pretty good. We really can’t stop anybody, and that’s the bottom line.”

For trying to dismiss our convincing victory and also for throwing half of your team under the bus as incapable of stopping another NFL team....we have a special gift for you...

MORE VOODOO ASSHOLE! Don't hit a tree on the way down the slopes....

Yah Fackin' Season's ovuh...But it's Wedding Season!

Is that "center for kids who can't read good and who want to learn to do other stuff good too" finished yet?

We now know that the only things worth talking about in the greater New England Area today are:

1. How bad, "they-uh gettin' fackin' rawbbed by nawt makin the playawwfs!"
2. The health of Tom Brady's knee (He is currently behind schedule)
3. The Christmas Eve engagement of Tom Brady and Giselle.

New Englanders are passionate about all of their sport teams...especially when they're doing well (how many are claiming the Bruins right now?). But the other thing they are passionate about is Tom Brady. How awesome he is in every way. How they would love to be him and have his life, etc.,etc. The passion for Tom Terrific begs the following question:
Hey Massholes! How do you feel about Tom Brady's engagement to, arguably, the biggest Super Model in the world?

We sent out a correspondent to RT's Long Board Bar and Grill, local Masshole hangout, during the Pats/Bills game Sunday morning. We sent in one of their own so that we could get the most truthful responses. Said correspondent used a tape recorder and HTP edited the statements to reflect the New England accent but kept the integrity of the original statement intact. The following commentary is telling and shows that the West Coast devotion to Sporting Heroes pails in comparison to that of the East Coast.

Our Patsie...No bribes of lobstah or chowdah...just Sam Adams Laguhh....Truth imitates Stereotypes.

We put these in by the order in which they were received. We were going to do a top ten list but the idiocy of the statements resonates best untouched. Enjoy the ridiculousness that is ALL of the transplants living in San Diego...

It's already established that if I could be someone else I'd be Tawm. So, awbviously, I would want Giselle as my wife.

I'd be hawnuhd to be Mrs. Tawm Brady.

I sar this comin' a mile away! What took so long!

Gawds should marry Gawdesses

They-uh kids sure will look outta place in Beantown...Fah to fackin attractive!

Next Lawgical step for Patriot Nation: Brazil. You Watch, Kraft will get us they-uh.

With the downturn in the ecawnomy and all of aww wahhs...it's nice to hear a pawsitive .

This marriage is a fackin sham! A Gawd should not cawmitt his seed to one woman! We need mahh little Tawms out there!

I can't believe Tawm is hittin' the baux that that queeuh Dicaprio once hit.

To think...if Bridgett Moynihan was a little mahh hawt...mahh like a mawduhl...we wouldn't be tawkin' about this crap.

They-uh the new Camelawt. Fahh-get Jack, Bawbby, Ted, Jawn-Jawn, and the whole lawt of them Kennedys. Tawm and Giselle...Patriot fans' Camelawt.

Yah...Plus the Old Camelawt gave us gay marriage...fackin' liberal facks...they-uh the reason that every diatribe of mine includes the words, homo, queeuh, fruitcake or ankle-grabbuh. To the New Camelawt.

Its like Prince Charles and Lady Diana gettin married...they-uh fackin royalty.

If they had been married a yee-uh ago they coulda challenged Obawma for the White House.

I told all you fackin' fags he wasn't a fackin' queeuh!

They will not be teaching yahh kids in school about his marriage since they only teach about homosexual marriage in Mass. schools.

Trade him. Cassel is bettuh anyways.

Question is...will she adopt his bastuhd child?

Do ya think they'll serve chawdah at the wedding?

Is Tom Brady's knee healing? Would the impending marriage affect Brady's play? Will he be the QB next year or will they hand the keys to the younger Matt Cassel?

These are questions Bahston fan will be asking each other as they cry into their beers this winter. Before they seriously ask these questions however, they will gripe and protest like they haven't griped and protested since the early 1770s......about what you ask?

Massholes' problem is how badly they have been wronged by missing the playoffs with an 11-5 record and how a lowly 8-8 team made it in over them...THE OUTRAGE! As we recall, this 8-8 team took you out to the wood shed and gave you a beating that was much worse than 30-10....so go ahead and think about that loss while you're scrapin' your windshield tomorrow morning, waitin' for your engine to warm up...

Let's do this 15 more times! If we can manage to overcome this horrible defeat and win...let's say, arbitrarily, 11 contests...then we will be the victors, and you shall take your army and leave this continent forever! Agreed!

Yaw facked with yaw Kahhma tawk...Belichick's a fackin Gawd!

When you go 11-5...and don't make the playoffs...the universe is settling up!

Instant karmas gonna get you
Gonna knock you right on the head
You better get yourself together
Pretty soon youre gonna be dead
What in the world you thinking of
Laughing in the face of love
What on earth you tryin to do
Its up to you, yeah you

Instant karmas gonna get you
Gonna look you right in the face
Better get yourself together darlin
Join the human race
How in the world you gonna see
Laughin at fools like me
Who in the hell dyou think you are
A super star
Well, right you are

Well we all shine on
Like the moon and the stars and the sun
Well we all shine on
Evryone come on

Instant karmas gonna get you
Gonna knock you off your feet
Better recognize your brothers
Evryone you meet
Why in the world are we here
Surely not to live in pain and fear
Why on earth are you there
When youre evrywhere
Come and get your share

Well we all shine on
Like the moon and the stars and the sun
Yeah we all shine on
Come on and on and on on on
Yeah yeah, alright, uh huh, ah

Well we all shine on
Like the moon and the stars and the sun
Yeah we all shine on
On and on and on on and on

Well we all shine on
Like the moon and the stars and the sun
Well we all shine on
Like the moon and the stars and the sun
Well we all shine on
Like the moon and the stars and the sun
Yeah we all shine on
Like the moon and the stars and the sun

CHARGERS 52 BRONCOS 21

AFC West Champion San Diego Chargers versus the Indianapolis Colts next Saturday at 5 pm.

"One-In-A-Rows" Complete: Don't mess with the Holy Trinity

Do not underestimate The Holy Trinity: Little Hillbilly Voodoo Doll, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and Jessica Alba.

It is nearly impossible to accomplish things with out faith and so we put our faith in other worldly Idols and Sages to bring us back from the abyss. Make no mistake about it, we are back, as our 52 point exclamation mark can attest.

"The Big Hitter" Lama and his cohort Jessica Alba prophesied a monumental showdown between the Chargers and Broncos on December 28th...

....and they delivered on their prophecy, karma being restored to the football universe. In addition to the work of our Spiritual gurus there was a Voodoo doll created to avenge the Phillip Rivers Pro Bowl snubbing/completely fuck up Jay Cutler's shit...and it worked. With every air-mailed pass and end zone interception we could feel the thrust of those needles into his appendages...as well as his head. That's a Pro Bowl Quarterback?

Hey you S.O.B...I gotta piss... take that needle out of my voodoo crotch.

Thank you... to a near and dear source who sent this picture to our phone at Jack Murphy Field when the score reached 38-13....image says it all doesn't it? The guy threw 2 picks, one in the end zone and Philip Rivers not a one. Who's the Pro Bowler? Not Jay Chokler!

What a good time calling EVERY DONKEY who was wearing a #6 jersey, Bubby Brister! Half of them didn't even get it and no wonder really.

We took some good pictures of Charger Fans with Banners and others of Bronco Fans getting their props (giant Bronco Stuffed Animal) stolen from them from Charger fans...quite funny....young lady very pissed, many a colorful epithet.

Why do people show up to Charger/Bronco games wearing....Dan Marino, Tom Brady, Ben Roethlisberger, Matt Cassel and every other dickhead's jersey not involved in the game? Why pay all that money for a ticket if not a fan of those two teams? Wearing a random jersey to show that you actually know football...actually shows that you know JACK SQUAT!

THEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOST
THEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOST

"One-in-a-Row" Part III of a Three Part Series:The Slaying of Little Hillbilly

The improbable is here. Back on December 8th we asked for three consecutive Charger Wins coupled with three consecutive Bronco Losses....and here we are on the Verge of yet another AFC West Title. We control our own Destiny. Without further adieu let's go to some Sage Advice...

The HTP Sages suggest the following points to remember for those who are pessimistic about the Chargers' chances...

1. Karma. To restore balance in the universe, the wrongs of Hochuli must be avenged thus setting us on the right path.
2. The Little Hillbilly/Jay Chokler Voodoo Doll is in play. To achieve karma, in the Tibetan Buddhist sense, using other means (Voodoo) is completely acceptable...(probably not....editors discretion to "play" with various world views). Cutler will have furious arm and leg issues today...in addition to a furious headache leading to myriad poor decision making.
   

3. Shanahan's Lucky Charms vanished after their second Super Bowl run in '99...

No more Malarkey or Shenanigans from Shanahan

A last piece of Sage Advice from the Lama and Alba: Dress warm. The Prime Time Lights may be on but it's supposed to be 43 degrees. Enjoy...

-HTP Spiritual Advisers

Wish List for December 28th, 2008....

New England Patriot Win
Miami Dolphin Win
New York Jet Loss
Baltimore Raven Win
San Diego Charger Win
Denver Bronco Loss

What do the following scenarios mean to us? For one it means that the Chargers are the AFC West Champs and get a home playoff game against the Indianapolis Colts....

It also means that the Broncos will have achieved the biggest collapse (3 game lead with 3 to play) since conferences moved to a division format....haaaaaa....haaaaa....haaaaa.....

It will be nice to lessen the Brett Favre Drama...Just go back to Mississippi!

But also of extreme gratification will be the New England Patriots finishing with an outstanding 11-5 record....only to miss the playoffs....maybe our regular season meeting wasn't just a "meaningless regular season game"......ENJOY!

Fight Card of the Millenium...Live Blog

Live Blog to begin in approximately FOUR Minutes....

Baby's arm holding a plum...kicked with furious anger....pay back's a bitch. What is the capital of Thailand. French Belgian was more angry about getting kicked in the balls. Cheik Kongo wins via knock out.

Congo defeats Turkey in first round of Cabby Turf Wars...Homeland Security Alert Level raised to ORANGE!!!

Don't mess with the French...

Don't knee guys in the balls...you WILL get kneed back...

Crotch Fest 92 The Ultimate...

7:28 pm

Up Next....Axe Murderer versus Rampage

In the diva battle (Mariah Carey versus Whitney Houston-skin tone reference for non-fight fans watching), knockout....Silva might be dead...really.

Rampage evoked God after the fight...It is clear that Jesus wants men disposed of via vicious left hook.

To paraphrase "Mudcat" Grant, "Boom goes the DYNAMITE!"

Pride of Patterson pounds Pussy from TemPE then gets mounted and Perversely Pummeled...that's Alliteration Assholes. Dolloway wins...Go to the Tropicana, that's where he's partying...Dolloway's voice won't annoy you to death, ladies...Get Some!

Lots of blood...it must be that time of month....fight night, you dirt bags! Hammel wins by knockout because Jesus don't tap (that's what Andy's shorts said anyway...better than Condom Depot)

8:20 PM

In the battle of dudes run over by heavy machinery (Mir/Motorcycle and Noguiera/Truck)...The Minotaur is slain by Frank Mir...convincingly!

Post Fight he calls out Brock Lesnar by conjuring Val Kilmer's Doc Holiday....Mir says, "I'll make you famous!"

8:45PM

9:20

Mike Goldberg astutely pointed out how proud, Forrest Griffin is of his Irish background as his Irish themed background music began playing....of course the band was the Drop kick Murphys who incidentally are Massholes.

Griffin through two rounds looked phenomenal landing leg kicks......then he got punched 12 times in a row off of the face and the fight was stopped.

Rashad Evans is the new Light Heavyweight Champ. His rear end looked enormous and in a night that seemed to have an intended theme (lots of crotch shots) Rashad Evans made sure to gesture to his groin and either imply that FG should:

1. suck it...or
2. tee-off on it

...Forest did neither. We like Forest and look forward to seeing him fight again.

The Worst Play Of The Week

Lendale White is fat and stupid. More than likely the Steelers will see the Titans again so why give the Steeler D a reason to put a bounty on your cornrowed skull?

We seem to recall you scoring a regular season TD against the Bolts last year and then doing a triple mock celebration (Merriman, LT, SCooper?)....to which we responded by rallying to win that game in your house...and then shut you down in the playoffs. Lendale White, you are fat...

...and you are stupid. We look forward to seeing James Harrison torpedo your knee so we can watch Christmas dinner gravy come a pourin' on out.

Hey, Hey, Hey..........Lendale White is responsible for The Worst Play of the Week...and he's fat.

Kids Around San Diego Rejoice

This Christmas, some kids around San Diego asked for stuffed animals and kitchen sets and others asked for Legos and Guitar Hero....

The only thing STRONGER than my throwing arm....my hair style! Whaddup?

...and then there were those who asked for a Charger Victory against Denver on December 28th. A sure fire way to achieve that wish was to ask Santa for The Denver Donkey Voodoo Doll: Little Hillbilly/Jay Chokler edition.

Are those my insulin needles you little #^&#**$@? Get me off this turf!

The convergence of Christianity and Voodoo: An inclusive place indeed, this America!

Now listen to a little pumpkin pie hair cut owning Denver Donkey QB...



The Genesis of The Little Hillbilly's tears...



Editor's Note:

Former Charger and current ESPN analyst, Marcellus Wiley, is a raging douche bag moron...
"I went to Columbia...let thy speak, forlorn fans of vanquished teams....and please refer to me, your humble commentator, as Dat Dude!" (Believe it or not I don't have the time...please send a link to this statement to that Jagov! What a dick! Tell him to scrap that p.o.s. wanna be gangsta ride he cruises the Gaslamp Quarter in!)

It will be funny when the, "fackin Patriots miss the Gawd Damn play-awwfs with a stellah 11-5 mahhk. Gawd Damn Chahh-juhhs at 8-8! Fackin breaks my hahht.

Merry X-mas....Boston Loses To Los Angeles

Merry Christmas Boston!

You just had your 19 game winning streak ended on the anniversary of the birth of Christ. Two-thousand and eight year old Jesus of Nazareth would have been proud that the Lakers, a team he would have walked on, beat up on a team from a town with the most suspect of race relations over the years. Love thy neighbor Boston.

Truthfully we could care less about the Association. It's been some time since we cared (Jordan getting away with traveling) and despite being from Southern California, we're not much for Kobe, the "rear end defiler" and his team, the "they're so far away from San Diego that we could give two shits that they have some sort of geographical connection to us", Los Angeles Lakers. But it does become a decent story when Boston gets a winning streak ended.....by a team from California....on Christmas! Glory to God in the highest--thank you for ruining Boston fan's holiday.

We might begin to care if we can get this as a 2009 NBA Finals match-up. Rooting strictly against Boston of course...

My son would have walked all over the LAKErs! Go scrape your windshields Boston Fan...or I'll smite you with more freezing rain!

Christmas Eve

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Almost Masshole of the Week 16

After having sat out the entire season to surf and perfect the crappy menu at Seau's the restaurant (only order Mama Seau's Teriyaki bowls...all else is shiite)....The Genius finally called. Seau proved his mettle by compiling five unassisted tackles and adding two assists against the useless team from the desert. Then a Masshole jumped out of the stands and tackled/humped/hugged him...

Photos:Matthew West (Boston Herald)

The Masshole's name is Todd Kobus and he's from a place called Attleboro, Mass. We only know it to be a breeding ground for Massholes...the kind that like to "hug" 250 lb Samoans. According to his attorney he only wanted a hug.

HateThePatriots also obtained an audio transcript of Kobus addressing the judge during his arraignment:

Kobus: Yaw Honuh....I am an Iraq Wah veteran and I wahd nevuh do something to disgrace the Unifahm of this fine cahntry. I've always been a Patriot! Whethuh I was tawchin a hawstile village or rootin on my team to Faw Supah Bowl victories...that's right Yaw Honuh, I'm countin' the 16-0 regulah season of '07 cuz Gawd knows we shoulda won it. My point is that I'm a Patriot.

Now I'd like to be released becawwz I've done my time as it puhtains to the Gawd Awful numbuh of times I've been called a homo or queeuh due to said Huggin incident. Queeuh? To the fackin' cawn-tra-e! The fackin' truth is that i needed to get to Juni-uh to tell him that I fackin love him, in the least homo way pawssible, and that I am fackin unbelievably happy that Gawd (Belichick) brawt him back frahhm all those homos and queeuhs in Cali----specifically those powdah blue wearin' queeuhs who suppawt the Cha-juhhs. In summation Yaw Honuh...The hug was fah the respect I have fah Juni-uh Seau and I am NAWT as QUEEUH as a GAWD DAMN three dollah bill.

Judge: This is a court of law. I would hold you in contempt if I didn't think you were retarded.

Kobus: Yaw Honuh...as Gawd as my witness, I am NAWT RETAH-DED, NAW am I Gay-uh than a fackin' Christmas tree! Unfahr-tunately...I pah-took in too many Lah-guhs. Fah too many.

This nonsense goes on and on and we started to feel as though the Almost Masshole of the Week was being awarded for the wrong reasons. Sure this guy is a Masshole but would we really benefit in any way from Junior getting taken out? Do we just have a grudge against the menu at Seau's the restaurant? These are questions to ponder......for now, Todd Kobus is The Almost Masshole of the Week!

The only thing worth ordering...Holy shit did the price go up on that! Mama?

How about a nice...football!

Dear Santa,

We know you're busy but we'd like to revise our previous Christmas list. First you provided us with The Marvel in Arrowhead and then came the Chargers win last week against the Bucs and you then proceeded to cause the Donkeys to choke one off at home versus Tim Russert's Bills.

But with only a couple days left we must get in our final requests....and there are only three requests that we have so we think you might be able to accommodate us...

1. A Charger Victory on December 28th (cheap tickets would be great but that is neither here nor there) against the Denver Broncos. Help us into the playoffs and please help the Donkeys complete the greatest collapse in the history of the NFL.
2. The New England Patriots finishing with a 11-5 record...but MISSING THE PLAYOFFS! We'll leave off the required scenarios and chain reactions that must occur for this to happen, but trust us when we say...THE WORLD NEEDS THIS TO HAPPEN!
   
3. Finally......Santa.......well our Denver Donkey Voodoo Snowman melted when the sun came out yesterday...and so we need another Voodoo doll.....please!?

We've tried to be good this year and we know it's last minute but if you could find the time to read our list and grant us these wishes, we'd be very thankful. Enjoy your milk and cookies that Mrs. Avenger-in-Chief leaves out for you.

Thank you

The Avenger-in-Chief
(post your wishes in the comments section)

Mailbag: Questionable Questions...Suspect Answers

The following email came from a litigious Avenger in the city of Angels:

Dear Avenger-In-Chief

Go Bolts! I guess this is the dream situation—or at least the best dream that could’ve come out of this dismal season…

But I’ve been wondering—and I haven’t heard anything up here so I was wondering if they’re talking about it down there—if the Chargers lose to the Broncos, would they still have been the division champs if they had won the first match up? If so, doesn’t that mean that Ed Hochuli would have cost the city of San Diego the playoff money that would’ve come from a postseason? Not to mention the bonuses the players would have received?

-Sword Wielding Avenger in An-ga-leez

Chuck Norris my Ass!...Ed Hochuli is the one who inspires fear.

To which we offered the following assessment:

Thank you for the question, S.W. Avenger in Angaleez.

If we had won the first match-up we'd be 8-7 and they would be 7-8. If they then beat us we would be leveled at 8-8 with the H2H split. We would have won the next tie break which is best division record.

So we are in a position to lose out on playoff money if we lose this weekend...which of course would be due to Ed's negligence...so we have cause if we do the UNTHINKABLE and blow it this weekend! Perhaps Ed's firm can represent us?

Not my area of expertise, so I shall seek additional legal counsel....

We decided to go to our Greater Great Lakes Area Expert On Jurisprudence. He is not barred in California or Colorado but his legal acumen is always spot on. In some circles he's known as "Eye Patch" and others he's just "Your Boy Blue"....in either case, don't let the nickname discourage you from believing in his ability to represent HateThePatriots....

I, Benicio Del Toro,as Dr. Gonzo will serve as the graphic representation of this site's Legal Team

......you should probably be more worried that our barrister in any way resembles that of Hunter S. Thompson's personal lawyer. We will assuage your reservation by noting that he eschews psychedelic drugs for cases of Miller High Life........we are comfortable and accepting of that vice.

Chief,

At first blush it does not seem as though the City of San Diego could sue Ed Hochuli personally. They would have to sue the NFL, the organization he works for, because his actions were a part of his duty for the NFL. Although, if it were discovered that Ed had placed a bet in Vegas on said game, then this would expose him to personal liability because this would be seen as reason and motive outside the scope of his job for his blunder.

Another wrinkle is it may have to be the San Diego Chargers who must sue, because it is them, not the City that have a contractual relationship with the NFL. (Although the City could join the suit, if it owns Jack Murphy Stadium (n/k/a Qualcom, which I think they do). If San Diego wins its suit it can claim damages to those who were foreseeable victims, i.e. City of San Diego, J. Murphy Stadium, Avenger-in-Chief and Cronies (in their roles as fans, crazy persons, SARS members, and most importantly tailgaters).

Sincerely ,

Your Boy Blue
In-House Counsel for Pats Haters

We hope that this in some way answers your question, S.W. Avenger in Angaleez. It should be noted for the record, however, that all merits for the case will go out the window when we make The Little Hillbilly cry on Sunday evening. We'll have no cause upon conclusion of the final regular season game of 2008. It is always wise to have a contingency plan and we are thankful that you have brought it to our attention.

My hair's like the weather in San Diego....Sweet! And I'm better than John Elway.

Game Report: Charger Fan in Donkey Land

As I sit here in Donkey Land on the evening of the 21st. I am pleased with the outcome of the days events, and know I will sleep well tonight.

Cheerleaders...and an Antoine Cason pick 6

We showed up as we needed to and were the first team to beat the Bucs in their house all year. Not to mention we put up more points than the Bucs have given up since 1999.

We displayed what we knew to be under the strange costume we have worn for a good portion of the year. Today we took the opportunity to shed that costume and show who we really are. Opening up the offense from the get go is the way to play and what we must do moving forward if we are going to thrive.

As mentioned in the previous passage. LT would have a good game and run hard. That is what he did with 90 yrds on 21 carries. I believe that the numbers for Jackson were to be 7 catches for 112, he ended up with 7 for 111. And Gates would be more utilized, and he did just that with 2 TDs on the day. Rivers was the man among men today with 4TD passes, to leave himself short by only one to Mr. Fouts (33). With a few TD passes next week vs. the Donkeys he will set the all time CHARGERS record for TD passes in a season.

As the celebration of the statement we made in Tampa began, it quickly transitioned to the GO BUFFALO vibe. Here in Donkey land the Donkeys started off with a kick and a 13-0 lead, and the Bills were not looking like they were ready to play. Things quickly changed as Buffalo had a solid drive, to only get a field goal out of the deal. Then the decision of decisions occurred by ol Mike Chokenahan, with little time left in the half, they chose to attempt the long field goal, which was missed (Game changing Decision.) Buffalo took that opportunity to take the ball down the field and go into the half down 13-10 knowing they would get the ball back to start the 2nd half.

As the game neared its end with Buffalo up 7 Chokler tossed a pick that looked to end it, but then the almost unthinkable occurred again. A phantom flag/WHISTLE was on the field for a D line penalty giving the Donkey's the ball back. That left dreams of Ed running through my head. Yet the Donkey's, or should we take this opportunity to call them Jackasses, failed to convert, concluding what we have been talking about for weeks now.

Bad Voodoo

THE PLAYOFFS STARTING NEXT WEEK. (However there has been a slight flex scheduling adjustment)

When: December 28th

Where: San Diego (CA)

Site: THE MURPH (aka. Q)

Time: PRIME TIME Sunday Night Football 5pm pacific.

That is how it went down here in Jackass Land for this CHARGER FAN.

GO BOLTS!

CHARGER FAN IN DONKEY LAND

Charger Wins and Bronco Losses: Voodoo, Karma and Rose Pedals

The Denver Donkey Voodoo Snowman came through with flying colors and it was a glorious thing to behold...

To think that all it took to string together an improbable combination of Charger Victories and Bronco Choke-jobs was a little backwoods Haitian Voodoo...

a fairly straightforward premise proposed back on December 8th that used semantics to trick us into believing...

The Bolts don't really need to win three in a row while having Denver lose three in a row...it's much more simple than that.........(Shhhh...we have to win one in a row...three times...the correct spin is necessary to swallow this unlikely scenario)

All we have to do is defeat KC at Arrowhead next week and have the Donks lose back east in Carolina...that's it...

....so that we can have a chance the following week back east in Buccaneer Country whereby the Bills will then sojourn in Mile High to knock the fake and bake off of Mike Shanahan's face.....

, and finally the other worldly wisdom of the 14th Incarnation of the Dalai Lama and Jessica Alba, the spiritual advisers to HateThePatriots.blogspot.com.....

This amalgam of belief systems has brought us to this space in time...a time when karmic balance can return as two teams meet, with everything on the line, to right the wrongs of the past. The next ritual will be that of exorcism as the Roman Catholic Church is called in to rid us of the wayward spirit of Ed Hochuli.

No stone left unturned was the mantra for getting us into the playoffs so we here are personally exhausted but look forward to seeing the one final ingredient in action that will bring us to the precipice of football immortality......momentum!

Stage Two of "One-in-a Row" is complete leaving us only with Stage Three, a stage which is controlled solely by the Chargers......at home......momentum friends.......fucking momentum!

Jammer Hit Deserves Justice...forget the stills

Chargers 41 Buccaneers 24...Who yelled Boom?

The play of the game...Quentin Jammer using a hard right shoulder to bludgeon Jeff Garcia. The attack led to a series of shaky decisions as it would be clear to surmise that he was wandering Queer Street after that hit...

Wait for it....

BOOM, he's on his back!

Who yelled BOOM on the field at impact? Classic Madden '93! Please send us the audio if you have it.

Nobody makes me bleed my own blood!

But, I threw it right to #20? What's wrong with that? We admire Garcia's toughness...and his ability to swallow a liter of blood.

Bronco Snowman Voodoo is not working...Donks up 13-0...

"One-in-a-Row" part II...Half Way Home...

The noose is tightening around the Denver Snowman's neck. Bolts up 20-10 in Tampa Bay...Bad voodoo for the Broncos...we can only hope they're watching the halftime show.

Little Hillbilly jersey or Jake the Snake? Who cares?

Punter Abroad: Soaking in The Meadowlands

It's all about the style. Where have I been? Well, it has not been on tour with my musical constituency..... It HAS not been protecting elves as they make their misguided Christmas deposits.. It has been a lot closer to snow.. a lot farther from rain, and unfortunately a few degrees colder then the San Diego I have come to know, love, embrace and infuse into all I say and do Brah....

You gotta go down Bra!

That being said, we who have immigrated still have things to say as to football elsewhere in the country. It runs in our newly transfused Charger blue blood to support the Bolts, yet as the great Patrick Henry once said.... "Give me home town football, or give me death."

Liberty my good man, Liberty! And I am a Virginia Man, no supporter of Northern Causes! I throw my support behind our team...the Redskins! Wait...what?...that's not right is it?

For this still reigning (?) ombudsman, that would be the pretzel smelling, Rockefeller having, worse traffic than LA (no arguments, period, end of story... you frickin guy..), Katz's deli sporting, better bundle up at this time of year,TRI-state area. So therefore, I'll let you know, I will be heading to the soon to be "Ye Olde Giants Stadium" to cheer on your Super Bowl champion New York Giants. This game will be three things:

1) Versus the Carolina Panthers
- I am not scared of many men. This is healthy. However, Steve Smith scares the crap out of me.

2) HUGE
-Implications on the NFC playoff picture are as big as the caps I used above. Had the G men showed up for their competition against America's Dallas Cowboys, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Hopefully John Harbaugh's Revamped Rampaging Raging Raven's will Rock Romo. (and they did)

3) COLD
- I bought thermal under pants today. These should help to keep the blood pumping. Hypothermia is a massive risk... Something we do not worry about in San D.

Wish us luck if you would like. If you are not feeling very for Big Blue, I would like to point out that up until a few years ago, I felt the same on Sunday's as you all must be feeling now. I would say to myself...

"Self, I really want to watch the game, but will the frustration built up be worth the four hours which could be spent meditating to gain peace of mind. We love Tiki but my gosh, why can't we win a damn game."

Then much as Bean Town let go of NO MAh, we finally got rid of the better looking Barber brother and won us a cham peen ship. I hope one day one of your one hit wonders will walk away from the Bolts and your team will congeal with the efficiency of our back east champions.

Until then, know that this two headed fan will remember the Ghost of Christmas G-Men seasons past. When we couldn't ring the salvation army bell hard enough to buy a win. It will get better. Stay true to the cause, follow our fearless Chief and continue to Avenge, my fellow Avengers. One day, your own Eli may surface after many awful years of solemn Sundays...but until then, please help me to embrace the frigging bitter cold through thought and prayer. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a warm night.

Final resting place of many a good Italian

Blessings,

4TH and LONG

Seek Counsel From Sages

His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso, believes it to be our Karma to meet the Broncos on December 28th with the AFC West title at stake.

Meet with Nobel Laureates...Free Tibet...Return from Exile...Get Chargers a Win

Such an act would restore balance to this time and place...a balance that was disturbed by a man named, Ed Hochuli.

Ms. Alba agrees with, and endorses, the counsel of His Holiness.

Really...she's a huge fan

When in doubt, seek sagely advice to right your path. Fortunately our "Collective" can rely on the profound wisdom from both of these kind souls. Viva la "One-in-a-Row" numero dos!