Memorial Day: a great day/great re-post/great cause

As a society we all too often remember those who've died fighting for our country but fail to remember those who've lived. These survivors will sometimes face the most unthinkable of challenges. One challenge brought to my attention a few years back was that of Traumatic Brain Injury. The UFC did a benefit for guys afflicted with these injuries a year and a half ago and it compelled me to write something about it. Enjoy....

December 10th, 2008
After a long day I turned on Spike this evening to find a Live UFC event. I was immediately captivated by two things:

1. The advertisement across the back of one fighter's trunks.
2. The audience decked out in camouflage UFC shirts.
   

Now, the advertisement was the impetus for this post.....trust me.....funny.....very funny (see: above link).....but my motivation to burn the midnight oil changed very quickly after I saw that it was not only a fight put on for the entertainment of US soldiers but for the benefit of them as well.

Specifically at hand was the issue of TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) and the infusion of money needed to help these injured soldiers upon returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. The event was not limited to TBI however, as the goal was to raise enough money to build a state of the art treatment facility that would cater to all soldiers returning home with life altering injuries. This endeavor is being undertaken by the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund, a not-for-profit organization.

Why keep reading?

The UFC card was interspersed with vignettes about some of our returning soldiers, the challenges they face, and unfortunately the inadequate care they receive. (click "Read More" to continue)

These little life stories had an intended impact and I cried. I'm sure I wasn't the only one. UFC announcer Mike Goldberg (paraphrasing) said that, "If you weren't moved by these stories you weren't a human!" It was not hyperbole.

TBI was first brought to my attention when I saw that ABC anchorman Bob Woodruff suffered a brain injury while embedded in Iraq. The documentary that was created a year after the injury discussed not only the challenges he was facing but the adverse conditions that veterans encountered upon return to the States. To see young men who gave so much only to receive so little from their government was a deplorable thing to view...

Throw politics out the window, it doesn't matter. These are the twenty-somethings brushing by you on a downtown sidewalk who by all accounts are just like us. Their story is still being written though, and it was a mere chapter ago that they were missing 1/3 of their brain encased in a newly created plastic skull and had spent the last year in the hospital wearing a helmet, undergoing intensive physical therapy. The picture I paint pales in comparison to what I saw in the Woodruff documentary and the little clips I watched during the UFC.

The economy is unsteady and our money is tight but I know who I would like to help here at year's end. Everything counts in small amounts (Depeche Mode?...sorry). Money is not always necessary though. Contact your Congressman/Congresswoman or U.S. Senator to encourage them to pass legislation in support of veterans affairs.

At the minimum I would encourage you to educate yourself on what these young men and women are encountering as they try and assimilate back into American life. I think the UFC tag line for the night said it best:

"They fight for us. Let's fight for them."

Intrepid Fallen Heroes Donations...Click Here.

The Bob Woodruff Family Foundation Donations...Click Here.

Identify and Contact Your Representative...Click Here.

Identify and Contact Your U.S. Senators...Click Here.

Godspeed

Isn't it strange that soldiers sacrifice so much yet the suggestion that civilians should make sacrifices of any sort for their country (conservation, curbing discretionary spending, community service, etc.) are often met with contempt and cries of, "un-American-ism!". Sorry. Didn't mean to get political. Enjoy Memorial Day.

I Could Only Afford to Throwback to 1984.....at least I didn't wear red

The Padres are wearing the 1978 Brown Away jerseys for the remainder of midweek day games this season.....so.....I felt moderately douchey on account of being decked out in my 1984 gear. On the other hand, I feel as though the spirit of the day was maintained as I went retro by 25 years. Surely I cannot be thought ill of based on such efforts. A home white 1978 Dave Winfield/Gaylord Perry jersey may be in my future.... 

THE GAME
Padres lost. Eleven whole runs scored. Cardinals averted the sweep. I scribed an open letter to a misdirected faction of Padre fans.

Dear Misdirected Faction:

My name is Mike. Some address me by the handle Avenger-in-Chief but the choice is yours really. I am compelled to point out to you that Padres fans are a mottled lot, adorned in nearly every spectrum of gear that has been introduced since the glorious incarnation.....the year of our lord nineteen-hundred and sixty nine. As such there tends to be a general lacking of fan cohesion at home games. The fan-gear color patterns are so disparate it can be difficult for the casual fan let alone those of the die-hard ilk to decipher the locale when watching on television.

Let there be no mistake however, that when the TV is turned on to a torrent of red there is little doubt that the St. Louis Cardinals are one of the teams involved. The same goes for Cardinal games on the road. A virtual Red Sea of fans. During the yearly Cardinals series at Petco this Red Sea will often find itself being parted on Tony Gwynn Drive only to reconstitute itself within the confines of Petco Park. Its an ugly sight to find yourself not only vastly outnumbered by the opposition but to see that they have come to a consensus on a common color (red) thus heightening the effect of their presence. I do not like red. I do not like it in our park. I do not like it in the dark. 


Don't wear RED YOU IDIOT PADRE FANS!!!!In front of me to the left was a fan wearing a Padre hat and a BRIGHT RED t-shirt. In front of me to the right was a fan wearing a Padre shirt and a random BRIGHT RED hat. Don't wear RED YOU IDIOTS!!! Even if its not the Cardinals in town.....DON'T WEAR RED YOU IDIOTS!!! For the Love of Scott Brosius, it's a Padres game!!!
Respectfully
A Non-Red Wearing Padre Fan

I'm serious. Don't wear red into Petco Park.....and a giant F-U to the dude decked out in the Russell Martin Jersey and LAtrine hat. F-U!!!

The Week In Padres: my internal clock has been destroyed

This is where I write a post about not writing posts.
I made a comment last Sunday about Dick Enberg and his constant love of the enemy and then figured I'd a-keep-on-a-rolling with my commentary as I entered this week. I'd have plenty to say as the plan was to get out to the park on Monday to see the Padres battle the Giants for NL West supremacy. I went to the park.....and my body clock hasn't been the same since....

MONDAY:
I bought a park pass for 5 bucks. When I tried to sneak down to a prime location I was caught by Stan the Usher and sent packing. It was OK. I parked up in the standing room only section positioned behind home plate and chatted with a Giants fan for the rest of the game. I enjoyed telling the fan about Matt Cain's Curse and how they had better win tonight because they had NO CHANCE against Latos on Tuesday night.

Truth be told, it's one of the best seats (errr...standing locations) in the park. Great view (although you can't see the jumbo-tron) of a game. I even had a great view of the yahoos who ran on to the field during the 9th inning.....at which point my week began to unravel. The delay that these clowns caused ensured that I wouldn't be getting home until an unsuitably late hour.....an hour that would be sure to have an adverse affect on my systems' functions for the remainder of the week. Sure enough, while excited about a Padre victory, I woke up pretty tired on Tuesday morning. (click "Read More" to continue)

TUESDAY
Tuesday's game was a disaster. The Padres lost with Latos on the hill.....but the loss was so much worse than that. It was an extra innings loss. Losing in extras is excruciating! So disappointing as we failed to win in regulation (Adams gave up the game tying dong in the 8th) thus setting the stage for another long game. Don't get me wrong......I enjoy extras......but I was tired......I needed to catch-up.

WEDNESDAY
Wednesday's game was awesome in that it was all of the following:

• A win!
• A win by an impressive margin (10-5)!
• A win against the Dodgers!
• A near cycle by Will Venable!

Wednesday's game was an utter nightmare sequence in that it was all of the following:

• A game in which Jon Garland pitched!

Seriously.....for a game that ended in 9 innings it felt like a 3-OT Stanley Cup conference final game. Take Garland's deliberate presence and put it in tandem with an offensive outburst and you have the makings of an eternity. I've been calling Jon Garland "The Mike Hargrove". I think that nickname could just as easily be interchanged with Jon "Extra Innings" Garland. He may not pitch into extras but I sure feel like I've been taken there.

The game ended. I was still tired...

THURSDAY
I was dead to the world on Thursday. The lack of sleep caught up to me and I shattered world records for complete uselessness. I watched a little of the game. I watched all of Lost. I checked the score in the 8th. I went to sleep.

FRIDAY
Right. Disappointed to find there there was no comeback against Kershaw and company and the Padres took a 4-1 loss. Friars still in first. I am well rested.......time to prepare for our HATED inter-league rival. Seattle Mariners on tap this weekend.

Dick Enberg Analysis: How 'bout a little bias, Dick!?!

On Friday night there were some Dick Enberg complaints on Twitter regarding his bias........or lack thereof, to be more exact. The prevailing sentiment was that Enberg gets WAY too excited about play by the opposition and not enough for the Padres. Sure Matt Kemp and Andre Ethier are good. But in giving them praise is it necessary to fawn over them?

Por Ejemplo: 

Casey Blake was chasing a foul pop-up in Friday's 4-3 loss, one that ultimately fell into the stands. As Blake ran out of room he slid to avoid an unnecessary trip into the bleachers. Enberg proceeded to make it sound like Blake had made a play tantamount to the Mays over the shoulder World Series grab combined with an Aaron Rowand face first in to the wall catch......it was neither of those. There was nothing special about Casey Blake's effort especially for a guy who's making $6.25 million/season. Enberg's unctuous praise of Blake led me to Tweet the following:

HaHa. I AM FUNNY.......but that is besides the point! (click "Read More" to continue)


C'mon Dick! If a guy makes a nice play give him a pat on the back. If he's a once in a lifetime talent then share that assessment with your audience. Use your knowledge and experience in the game to make an apropos comparison to a great player of the past. But don't swoon over the guy's play. You are an announcer for the San Diego Padres.....recognize where your bread is buttered!

Which Brings Us To The "Why?"

Websoulsurfer made a good point in one of his Tweets:

Hammer.....meet head of nail. 

Dick Enberg, as a national announcer, must be effusive in his praise of both sides which has made him a very respected announcer over the years. I'd be remiss however, if I did not point out that this is San Diego........not the Nation. Come July, when you're at Wimbledon, feel free to massage the followers/lovers of both Kim Clijsters and Venus Wiliams while they battle and grunt their way to Center Court supremacy........but right now........I am NOT in the mood for MY announcer to be  LOVING the Dodgers.

In Addition
Save the "Touch 'em All!" calls for Padre homers. The call has an inherent excitement to it that should not be shared with the opposition......remember......it's our guy who gave up the dong.

On A Good Note

In last night's loss to LAtrine (4-1) the Channel 4 camera zoomed in  from deep center field and as the shot came closer and closer to the Channel 4 booth someone began to wave their arms. I could not tell who it was. Enberg then quipped (paraphrasing), "Don't do that. I hate the wave!"

As do I, Mr Enberg. As do I.

Props for the use of an orange tie with a white suit. There aren't too many people who can pull that off with such great success.

2010 MLB Predictions: where I take stock of my stupidity

Today's sweep of the Giants has left the Padres with a 22-12 record and given me cause to reevaluate my preseason prediction of 83 wins. Things have changed......and not just because Mat Latos threw a CG 1-hitter to close out the Gigantes......it is much, much more than that.

Padres/Giants Series: Game 1 in Screen Scrapes

 There were runners left on base. Too many to count. Where the Padres are concerned....Bases loaded = Bad

Davis Eckstein got on base with great frequency (2 for 2 with 3 walks). Eckstein destroys the opposition's will to live with his sheer scrappiness. Slayer of wills...David Eckstein.

Is that why a 3-2 game lasted an eternity?

I'm still not over it......17 WALKS!!!!!

Padres take game 1.

Lake Elsinore:reveling in some Manny Ramirez fail

I had a chance to go up to Lake Elsinore with Steve from the Friarhood to see the Storm play the Inland Empire 66ers (Dodgers High A) last Thursday night. While there we met up with Peter from the Padres Run Down. This game had two huge attractions:

1. Thirsty Thursday.......$1 beers until the 6th inning.
2. Heckle Fest........Manny Ramirez was doing a rehab assignment with the 66ers which could only lead to good fun.

Manny hit lead-off for the 66ers so as to maximize at-bats. He started by seeing four balls outside the zone from Storm pitcher and 2007 1st round draft pick, Nick Schmidt. Kind of weak. If I was going up against a "Manny type" on a rehab assignment, I'd have attacked him.....of course that's just me*.

Manny then made his way to second after another walk and then Schmidt quickly found himself looking death squarely in the eyes against the 66ers number three hitter**. Luckily for Schmidt the line-drive up the box deadened his non throwing fore-arm and not his face. A slight ricochet left Schmidt with time to gather the loose ball and spin to first to get the force......of course that wasn't the correct play. In Schmidt's stupor he failed to recognize that Manny Ramirez is horrible on the base paths and looked more like a flailing marionette hung up between second and third. Alas, Schmidt missed his opportunity to get the force at third......but as Schmidt wheeled to 1st, Manny made his mad dash to 3rd.
[Enter Allan Dykstra]
The Padres 2008 1st round pick announced his presence with authority......by air mailing the throw over Storm third baseman, Vince Belnome's, head. Ahhhh, to watch High-A ball up close. Those youngsters! Manny ultimately came around to score on the errant throw and I found myself chuckling about Ramirez' base running; that's just "Manny being Manny"(lol)***
[click "Read More" to continue]

Manny later came to bat in the 4th inning, in what would be his final appearance of the night (I think it was the 4th.....c'mon, it was Thirsty Thursday!). There were a chorus of boos. He struck out. There were a chorus of cheers. It was great. Seeing a disappointed sea of royal blue trolley-Dodger fans was.....as Mudcat Grant would say......"some kind of nice!". I tipped my cap and said have a nice drive home.....PADRES ARE IN 1st PLACE!!!****

Quick Notes:

• Nick Schmidt was ok after being hit by the line-drive. It didn't sound good and he fell in a heap after being struck but he did bounce back. On the whole he didn't look that great. 
• The Storm were losing 7-3 in the 8th but decided to go bat-sh*t-crazy and hang an 8 spot during the bottom half of the inning. The final score: 11-7. Traveling for wins is a nice thing for this fan. 
• Allan Dykstra is an ogre. I commented that he looks like Jim Thome. The collective response: "He sure doesn't hit like Jim Thome." 
• Storm third baseman, Vince Belnome was 2-2 with 3 walks. That's a good night. He hit a HR in the last Storm game I went to. Belnome is the guy I'm watching. 
• I also have some cool pictures from the game. They actually aren't that cool. They just verify that it was actually Manny playing....or do they....the player's name is obscured by a glut of nappy dreadlocks. I'll load 'em tonight.

*I am a fan/blogger
** I can't tell you who it was. It was too difficult to deal with Thirsty Thursday and score the game so you'll have to live in suspense of which future Dodger star/flame-out it may have been.
*** Facetious...f*ck that Manny being Manny crap.
****I didn't say any of that. It was more of an inner-monologue. I was hesitant to get too obnoxious as the Thirsty Thursday promotion itself probably would have been reason enough for me to get ejected if I had exceeded a certain decibel level. Also worth noting; I didn't want to offend prospective members of the Friarhood as well as the gracious hosts who shuttled me up the I15 that night.

Appealing to the Court of Morgan Ensberg: the Dallas Braden/Alex Rodriguez Saga

A couple of weeks ago A's pitcher Dallas Braden and Yankee's third baseman Alex Rodriguez engaged in a dispute over baseball's "unwritten rules". I wanted to make a comment on it at the time, not in defense of Dallas Braden , but to indict Alex Rodriguez based on his past actions. I ended up making a comment on the matter but did so at Morgan Ensberg's Baseball I.Q. (his blog).

Ensberg wrote his blog post as though he were a judge presiding over his court (You might want to click that link before hand to see Ensberg's exact argument but I can sum it up by saying this: he sides with Rodriguez on the grounds that there is no unwritten rule regarding this issue and Braden overreacted in such a way as to prove that he was actually in the wrong). I responded as though I were a prosecutor. Ensberg then went on to respond to my response to his response.....got that?

Now that Dallas Braden has pitched a perfect game and has discussed seeking retribution against A-Rod when their teams meet in July, now seems like the perfect time to post my appeal to the court of Morgan Ensberg (click "Read More" to continue)

Your Honor

As it pertains to etiquette and adherence to the sacred "unwritten rules" of baseball, Alex Rodriguez has antecedents that should be more closely scrutinized. I hope that you will not render this information inadmissible in your court.


Alex Rodriguez, on multiple occasions, has given cause to get "drilled" in his next at-bat. I submit to the court the following incidents:

1.  2004 Playoff ALCS (NY v. Bos)--The Defendant veered out of the baseline and made contact with a defender attempting a tag and then used his hands to rip the ball out of the infielder's glove (a play which, off the record, I actually kind of liked).
2. When running the bases shouted, "Mine!",  at a defender attempting to field a pop-fly, thus causing said defender to err (deemed very "bush league" by those in the know).

These incidents are a reflection of Alex Rodriguez' character. Counsel acknowledges however, that it is not Alex Rodriguez' moral fiber on trial this evening. We must stick to the facts not mere judgments. The above accounts are, according to my very faint copy of the "unwritten rules", blatant violations by the Defendant.


When using the standard of a "reasonable person" should we not expect Mr. Braden to take into account Mr. Rodriguez' past behavior regarding etiquette? Mr. Braden's response, while disproportionate, was reasonable in the context of Mr. Rodriguez' history---a history that suggests the Defendant was attempting to accomplish the following: 

• To "show-up" Mr. Braden by crossing through the pitcher's domain.
• Attempting to "get in his head" thus gaining a future competitive advantage.
• Perhaps most egregiously......the implication of a professional pecking order, of which Mr. Braden is not yet a part. 

The above are all motives for the Defendant. It is the physical evidence though, that is most damning......the evidence of Mr. Rodriguez' spikes tamping earth.......THAT IS NOT HIS, Good Sir!

The mound belongs to the starting pitchers and those, and only those, who succeed them in relief. It is their domain. Would we not deem it unsportsmanlike for a football team to carry their pregame drills into the opposition's side of the field? Indeed we would. Do we not find it disagreeable when we see a batter sneaking a peek at a catcher's set-up location? Is there not cause for retribution in such an instance? There most certainly is.


Let there also be no doubt that the Plaintiff's actions (Dallas Braden) were also in violation of Baseball's Unwritten Rules. As a professional, he should have given Mr. Rodriguez  a few stern words and then made no mention of it ever again, especially to the press. Behind the closed doors of the clubhouse a strategy should have then been employed to exact a proper and proportionate response.


At the end of the day players must judge for themselves as to what may or may not be in violation of the unwritten codes. I like to think of these unwritten codes much like the  Constitution of the United States......that they can be amended over time to fit the mores of evolving generations of ball players (without the messy and stringent ratification process of our Founder's document, of course).


It is my hope that this appeal is given an unbiased review and that the defendant's behavior is found to be unsportsmanlike and therefore in violation of  said "unwritten rules". Ignorance is not a defense and the court should recognize the Defendant's past reliance on such chicanery.


Your Honor......I implore you to ponder this special case a bit longer and ask yourself the following: What would Bob Gibson do?


Regards
Avenging Jack Murphy


(I am not a lawyer, I merely play one in the blog-o-sphere)

Judge Ensberg responded accordingly:

I’ll admit it. Counselor, your points are very valid. If the situation was anything other than taking the quickest route to first base, I would over turn this. However, since it clearly says in the unwritten rulebook that players who adhere to the laws of gravity are allowed to use any surface on the field if it is connected to the Earth. 

Mr Rodriguez had demonstrated sporadic behavior and is a easy target. In my playing experience, I jogged over the mound all the time if it was the quickest path. Further, although I did not handle the two previous Rodriguez cases, I would have found Mr Rodriguez guilty on both counts.
Mr Braden embarrassed himself by blowing something completely out of proportion. He used a hammer as a fly swatter. 

Mr Avenging Jack Murphy,
Your prose is magnificent. If this was a case of character, I would have to overturn the decision.
This case may still be overturned if new evidence comes to light.
Morgan

Ah, magnificent prose.........it's what we do here.

Better Recognize....the SD on my hat!

Long, long, ago I went traipsing through the United Kingdom. While there, I left no stones unturned in England, Scotland and Wales (gross exaggeration). In Wales, I made my way to a ferry and hopped over to Ireland, as well. Through it all I wore my San Diego Padres hat (navy blue with orange and white interlocking "SD"). The mother country is a damp place and the constant precipitation (not to mention perspiration) turned that hat into a dank mess. But I cared not for appearances. I wore my SD with pride. I was representin'!

I wonder how Padres owner Jeffrey Moorad feels about the ol' "SD"? Oh, hey....there's an on-line copy of the San Diego Metropolitan magazine with an article on Padres owner Jeffrey Moorad......I wonder if he has an opinion:

Whenever Jeff Moorad speaks, you’ll see him proudly sporting a new Padres logo: “SD” it reads.
“There aren’t many cities in the country that are known by just their initials,” Moorad told members of Rotary Club of Coronado in April. “There’s LA, NY and maybe SF. We should market San Diego: SD. It’s got great cache around the world.”

Hey there you go, Mr. Moorad! I knew that he and I were simpatico. The "SD" is pretty explicit whereas a hat with an interlocking "CR" (a la the team in Colorado) is a concept that just leaves foreigners dazed and confused, the world over. Alright for the "SD"!

Ever since those days of travelin' around representing San Diego I've started to notice how many different Padre color schemes there are adorning this city's fans. It's a pretty disjointed fan-base and the roots of this disunion seem to have been sown when blue was introduced as a primary color. (click "Read More" to continue)


I suppose it makes sense to choose blue from a marketing standpoint......it's a cool color....people dig it....people buy it. But blue, in and of itself, is antithetical to the idea of a Padre. The monks who would have once been found constructing missions along the coast of what is today California did not cloak themselves in robes of blue but that of the color brown. When the Padres were introduced as the newest National League entrant in 1969 there was brown in the uniform.....and it made sense.....because Padres/Friars/Monks wore robes of brown.

I envision the fans of San Diego arriving at Petco Park all under one banner......that of our team's heritage. One team; one city; one color. I have a feeling that Jeff Moorad feels EXACTLY as I do.......a return to our roots, if you will. Let's see what Mr. Moorad had to say in the SD Metropolitan magazine:

Part of his vision for branding the Padres was to give away 40,000 Padres blue T-shirts on opening day.
“I want the fans to wear blue,” he said, “and for the team to look up and see that support in the stands.”

Uhhh........more blue, eh? No brown? But Padres are......supposed to be.......well, brown. Well [applause] I do like that "SD" concept. Good on ya, Mr. Moorad!

Is the discussion on "Brown" closed? Yes....no.....get back to me. No? Ok.

[cheers to Gaslamp Ball for link]

Stuck In My Craw: Padres Pitchers......and The Sacrifice Bunt-ing

Blog names are always interesting. Some have obvious meanings and others leave something to the imagination. I've always wondered why "The Sacrifice Bunt" calls itself The Sacrifice Bunt. I looked through their archives (first few posts anyways) to see if there were any explanations but found nothing. I met Melvin last week at Beerfest but the question wasn't at the top of my action item list*. I can only hypothesize as to why Melvin and Ray named their blog The Sac Bunt. It goes something like this:

Are you EFFING SERIOUS? Really? Really, Chris Young? All you have to do is stick the bat out and catch the ball with the barrel of your bat and you can't even do that? Really? It's the most basic of tasks. Not to mention....you're a PROFESSIONAL!!! Really? You are the best in the WORLD at this task. ALLEGEDLY!!! Not to mention it would dramatically help your cause....you know....kind of like free throws in the NBA.....they're FREE POINTS, for the love of Scott Brosius!!!. Move a runner over, big fella. Get yourself a run and in the process, maybe a win. Geez.......(walks away to inaudible grumbling "my grandmother could have pushed that bunt down the first base line!")

(click "Read More" to continue)

 I cannot say if those were their exact sentiments but I will confirm that they were mine after watching Clayton Richard and Tim Stauffer try to advance runners last night. They both looked liked scared little leaguers who had never attempted a sacrifice in their lives. Each one of these guys failed miserably in their efforts to get the barrel of the bat out in front of the plate to "catch the ball". Richard's attempt was terrible and he ended up striking out when he languished on his third attempt. It may have been Stauffer's failed attempt however, that was the most egregious. Tim Stauffer failed to get a runner in scoring position when the game had already moved to extra innings. Had he been successful he may have averted giving up the eventual game winning HR to the Rockies Ian Stewart in the 12th. The Padres lost 6-5.

[Post game pep talk while Clay and Timmy eat their orange slices. The Avenger-In-Chief addresses them in a firm but fair tone of voice.]

I love having you guys on the team. Timmy....you've adapted so well to your roll in the bullpen that up until last night you had not allowed a run in relief. As a reliever with the ability to eat up a lot of innings any time you appear, you have tremendous value to the club......but Timmy......you've got to help your cause when you're at the plate.......teams with $38 million dollar payrolls aren't gonna get far if they fail to execute the fundamentals. That goes for you too, Clayton. You had a great two base hit but it doesn't change the fact that you [in a hushed voice so as not to incite the prying eyes and ears of interloping parents] sh*t the bed in your bunt attempt earlier in the night. Fundamentals, Clayton. Fundamentals. I expect more out of a Michigan man [guilt]. You two.....keep pitching like you have been....but keep the fundamentals in mind....those are what get teams to the promised land. I love you guys [musses up their hair then slaps the on the a**]. Now get back to work. We got the Astros next.

Take note Bud Black. Bunting is important. Especially sacrifice bunting. The singular art of sacrifice bunting spawned an eponymous website. Take note.....Buddy.

*ACTION ITEM LIST

1. Get Beer from Ballast Point
2. Get Beer from Stone Brewing
3. Punch myself in the face for wading into the center of the most epic of queue clusterf*cks EVER!
4. Maneuver my way out of said queue clusterf*ck
5. Buy a $5 buck Budweiser
6. Wait....that's not 14 oz, is it?.....I'll take the $7.50 version
7. Self-loathing for unreasonable amount of money spent on pre-game
8. Discuss ancient Greek philosophers.
9. Score game/Enjoy game
10. Jump up and down because I heard Pennywise's Bro Hymn

Dick Enberg Analysis: "A looper....ya know? A caddy, a looper, a jock."

I haven't written anything related to the analysis of Dick Enberg lately. My last commentary alluded to him needing to be in the booth for about a month before he could be evaluated with a level of fairness. As such, the weekly post died. It has now risen like a zombie*.

Dick was off chasing Olympians through the woodlands of Canada and lacked the proper spring training required of not only an announcer unfamiliar with a new team but the preparation required of someone having been out of the game for 25 years. I've cut him a lot of slack. Many have not. By my rudimentary accounting system.....Mr. Enberg's grace period lasts another two days. Having offered that disclaimer....

I must point out that Dick Enberg has a particular call that makes me laugh out-loud each night. I wouldn't say that the laughter is side-splitting but it's audible and when I hear it I feel like James Brown......good. (click "Read More" to continue)

On a soft single (see: Texas Leaguer/Ducksnort) that meanders its way over the heads of back pedaling infielders and dies at the feet of storming outfielders I was always partial to labeling it a "bloop single"/"blooper". Dick Enberg however, does not share this sentiment as he chooses to characterize such a knock as a "looper".

Hey the ball does "loop" into the outfield so I'm not saying it's wrong**  or that it's weird***  but that  it's just.....very different****. And because it is different I tend not to associate a "looper" with being a soft base hit but instead think of it as a Caddyshack reference.....

Carl Spackler: A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. 

So even on nights when the Padres can't get a win (which was not at all like last night where the Padres won in grand walk-off style) I still have Dick Enberg there in the box to make me laugh......which is nice.

Thoughts and Dick-isms? Drop 'em in the comments...


*I was in Borders yesterday buying Dirk Hayhurst's book, The Bullpen Gospels (which incidentally, is fantastic so far) and I saw another book that caught my attention; it was called Zombie Haiku. It was all haiku poetry written from the perspective of a zombie and boy do I wish I had memorized the poems on the cover of the book. HILARIOUS!
** (see: "Efram" Cabrera)
*** (see: Warning "Path")
**** (My International Marketing Professor in God's Country famously  urged us all to remember that when marketing across cultures things are not "weird" they are simply "different". Sound advice from an otherwise average professor.)

EDIT (Thursday 7:00AM ) I was back in the same Borders last night. Zombie Poetry for your morning:

Biting into heads

is much harder than it looks

the skull is feisty

You are so lucky

that I cannot remember 

how to use doorknobs

Very Misfits-ish. Glenn Danzig would approve.

Ancient Bud Black Mind Tricks

Among all of MLB's managers, Bud Black is the only one who is a former hurler. There must be a valid reason for such a case.

Could it be that he knows how to use psychology to cajole pitchers in to doing what may seem to be against their perceived self-interests? Let us call these the Bud Black Mind Tricks.....if he indeed is versed in this ancient art.

Last week, the Padres Trail, posted a column about the Mat Latos/Wade Leblanc "5th starter issue" which was then debated thoroughly in a thread at Gaslamp Ball.

THE PREMISE: what should happen with the two young pitchers once Chris Young returns from the disabled list?

At the time of the posting LeBlanc had been pitching lights out and then went on to get the win after pitching 6.1 innings of scoreless ball. Did Latos meet the challenge? He went on to pitch 6 innings of 2 run ball and got hung with the loss (both runs came on homers). Not a bad outing but also not on par with LeBlanc. What to do, what to do....... (click "Read More" to continue)

My position last week was that I wanted to see CY come down with a mystery ailment to keep him on the DL so that both of the youngsters would remain in the rotation (my wish may have been granted as CY got shelled in a rehab assignment this weekend and is headed for an MRI......although I don't really want him to be hurt.....I just want the reins pulled back a bit so he's healthy in the long run and that our young fellas get to prove themselves in the short-run, which of course would be beneficial to the organization in the long-run.......this was far too long for a parenthetical explanation, no?). My position has altered slightly with certain caveats (Young's health and the performance of each of our youngsters in question).


Today my belief is that Mat Latos needs to stay up top where he can continue to be mentored by Darren Balsley. But we also know that Wade LeBlanc, who is on the hill tonight against The Purple Mountain's Majesty, will pitch shut out ball tonight thus making the question of the 5th spot in the rotation even more convoluted........or is it?

We know that Mat Latos, while possibly a future staff "#1", is having his innings closely monitored similar to last season a la the Verducci Effect. If his innings are to be restricted it could be detrimental to the Padres if they are in contention for the division or the wild-card come September. Would you want to shut down one of your regulars in the heat of a pennant race (rhetorical question/parenthetical probably not even needed)?

Bud Black must earn his money here. Latos is a big stud who must be handled carefully. A demotion to Portland could wreak havoc with his delicate ego and a demotion to the bullpen cold yield similar results......use your mind tricks, Bud Black......Latos' mind is young and malleable:

 

BUD BLACK: The managerial great, Earl Weaver, declared that the best spot for a rookie is in long relief (his 8th Law of Managing). Many great pitchers have worked out of the 'Pen and later enjoyed grand success as a starter. In fact Johan Santana won the Cy Young the year after leaving the 'Pen. But most importantly.....young Latos.....this move ensures that you will be contributing to the ball club in meaningful games down the stretch rather than picking splinters next to Balls.
MAT LATOS: (nods his head)
BUD BLACK: "You will go to the bullpen, Mat Latos."
MAT LATOS: "I will go to the bullpen, Bud Black."

(If Bud Black can employ some genuine Jedi Mind Tricks then the above explanation by Bud probably isn't needed. It is needed however in the context of giving proper credit to the person, Geoff Young of Ducksnorts, who provided a more precise rationale for such a move with Latos---parenthetical explanation, while very long, was required).

This entire post is probably moot though, as we all know Chris Young will be spending more time on the DL anyways.

National MLB Writer Enjoys The Laughter Elicited By San Diego's Padres

With the Brewers current standing in the NL Central (seven games back),  Fox writer Ken Rosenthal discusses the possibility of GM Doug Melvin dealing Prince Fielder. Among a couple of complications in a deal for Fielder, Rosenthal puts his main focus on the potential availability of another power hitting first baseman. Rosenthal writes:

First base, at least at this point, is not an obvious need for most contenders -- and the 16-9 Padres, still could trade first baseman Adrian Gonzalez if they fail to, ahem, run away with the NL West. 

 First off, I think Ken Rosenthal is a bit of a dick. You only need to read the insertion of "ahem" into the above line to arrive at that view (those who disagree...LEAVE NOW!)

As that is my opinion, please don't take this post as some sort of grand indignation I've concocted in reaction to being disrespected as a fan of the Padres. I'm not surprised that Rosenthal would take this view in any way because not only is he a dick...he's a stupid dick.
MY POINT:
Do the Padres need to "run away with the NL West" in order to keep Adrian? I think that just being in contention at the trade deadline would do the trick (it's not like Adrian would pass through waivers later in the season with a salary under $5 million). Lazy sports writer.

Sweet. We're in agreement then.....Ken Rosenthal is a dick and an uninformed one at that.