Stuck In My Craw: Padres Pitchers......and The Sacrifice Bunt-ing

Blog names are always interesting. Some have obvious meanings and others leave something to the imagination. I've always wondered why "The Sacrifice Bunt" calls itself The Sacrifice Bunt. I looked through their archives (first few posts anyways) to see if there were any explanations but found nothing. I met Melvin last week at Beerfest but the question wasn't at the top of my action item list*. I can only hypothesize as to why Melvin and Ray named their blog The Sac Bunt. It goes something like this:

Are you EFFING SERIOUS? Really? Really, Chris Young? All you have to do is stick the bat out and catch the ball with the barrel of your bat and you can't even do that? Really? It's the most basic of tasks. Not to mention....you're a PROFESSIONAL!!! Really? You are the best in the WORLD at this task. ALLEGEDLY!!! Not to mention it would dramatically help your cause....you know....kind of like free throws in the NBA.....they're FREE POINTS, for the love of Scott Brosius!!!. Move a runner over, big fella. Get yourself a run and in the process, maybe a win. Geez.......(walks away to inaudible grumbling "my grandmother could have pushed that bunt down the first base line!")

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 I cannot say if those were their exact sentiments but I will confirm that they were mine after watching Clayton Richard and Tim Stauffer try to advance runners last night. They both looked liked scared little leaguers who had never attempted a sacrifice in their lives. Each one of these guys failed miserably in their efforts to get the barrel of the bat out in front of the plate to "catch the ball". Richard's attempt was terrible and he ended up striking out when he languished on his third attempt. It may have been Stauffer's failed attempt however, that was the most egregious. Tim Stauffer failed to get a runner in scoring position when the game had already moved to extra innings. Had he been successful he may have averted giving up the eventual game winning HR to the Rockies Ian Stewart in the 12th. The Padres lost 6-5.

[Post game pep talk while Clay and Timmy eat their orange slices. The Avenger-In-Chief addresses them in a firm but fair tone of voice.]

I love having you guys on the team. Timmy....you've adapted so well to your roll in the bullpen that up until last night you had not allowed a run in relief. As a reliever with the ability to eat up a lot of innings any time you appear, you have tremendous value to the club......but Timmy......you've got to help your cause when you're at the plate.......teams with $38 million dollar payrolls aren't gonna get far if they fail to execute the fundamentals. That goes for you too, Clayton. You had a great two base hit but it doesn't change the fact that you [in a hushed voice so as not to incite the prying eyes and ears of interloping parents] sh*t the bed in your bunt attempt earlier in the night. Fundamentals, Clayton. Fundamentals. I expect more out of a Michigan man [guilt]. You two.....keep pitching like you have been....but keep the fundamentals in mind....those are what get teams to the promised land. I love you guys [musses up their hair then slaps the on the a**]. Now get back to work. We got the Astros next.

Take note Bud Black. Bunting is important. Especially sacrifice bunting. The singular art of sacrifice bunting spawned an eponymous website. Take note.....Buddy.

*ACTION ITEM LIST

1. Get Beer from Ballast Point
2. Get Beer from Stone Brewing
3. Punch myself in the face for wading into the center of the most epic of queue clusterf*cks EVER!
4. Maneuver my way out of said queue clusterf*ck
5. Buy a $5 buck Budweiser
6. Wait....that's not 14 oz, is it?.....I'll take the $7.50 version
7. Self-loathing for unreasonable amount of money spent on pre-game
8. Discuss ancient Greek philosophers.
9. Score game/Enjoy game
10. Jump up and down because I heard Pennywise's Bro Hymn