Tom Garfinkel Wants Peter Gammons' Head On A Stick

After Peter Gammons' article on MLB this morning and the subsequent Twitter chatter across San Diego a dialogue began to run through my mind. A dialogue between Hall of Fame baseball writer Peter Gammons and Padres' COO and President, Tom Garfinkel. An imaginary dialogue.

Or was it . . .
Tom Garfinkel: Hey Pete. Good Morning.

Peter Gammons: Good morning Tom. Hey, let me turn down my 8-track. Just listening to some Buddy Guy.

TG: Yup. Take your time.

PG: Alright . . . hey, thank you for the access yesterday morning. Those tidbits on Mat Latos were gold.

TG: Yeah. That's what I was calling about.

PG: Oh yea. What is it?

TG: As I was eating breakfast this morning I read through your column at MLB.

PG: How did it come off? 

TG: Well. I'm not gonna lie. I do have a gripe.

PG: Look Tom. The information about Latos and his Tattoo before game 162 in 2010 was provided by your media relations department. Was this information inaccurate?

TG: No, no, no . . .

PG: Just stop! I understand that Twitter is full of useless little twits that parse everyone's words but what do you want me to do? You wanted Latos to look like he was a shaky employee. I framed it in such a way. You wanted Latos to look like his priorities were elsewhere. I did it. I'm a Hall of Fame writer, Tom. What more do you want from me. The Padres look like geniuses right now. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?!

TG: No. Peter. I think there's a misunderstanding.

PG: What!?

TG: We're the Padres, Peter. Not the Friars. We're the San Diego Padres. The title of your article says, "Depth Accelerating Friars' Return To Contention". We'd just prefer that you call us the Padres.

PG: What?

TG: It's just that we'd like you to refer to our name correctly.

PG: The Padres. Not the Friars? 

TG: The Padres.


PG: You don't like the Friars?

TG: I wouldn't say I dislike it. We're the Padres. We should refer to ourselves as the Padres. Friars is part of our history. But in formal settings, in the broadcast booth, in releases, we should be the Padres.

PG: OK. I can do that.

TG: Thanks, Peter. I loved the article. Have you had breakfast yet?

PG: ( . . . silence . . )