The Padres are off to a brutal start in 2012 and as our local media take to the airwaves I can only think that something else is on their minds.
Darren Smith of XX1090 has the luxury of diversion, a bit of latitude in his life. He can talk about the Anti-Chase Headley zealotry on his Facebook page. Maybe talk a little NFL Draft. Or, hey! How about excursions to New Orleans! The world is Darren's oyster.
But Corey Brock? He's screwed. He's got nothing but Padres. No Oregon football right now. There is no diversion for Mr. Brock. Or is there?
As he spoke to Darren Smith there was a concurrent dialogue running through the scribe's mind. Let me share with you what I discovered while listening on Wednesday...
[On Bad Starts and Small Samples]
"I don't think the fans have jumped to any conclusions so far, have they?"
Fans are crazy. We're only 14 games into the season. First Office Space reference of the interview. Print Media 1. Radio 0. Yea, these Padres fans . . . they got a case of the Mondays! Print Media 2! Radio 0!
[On Jaime Moyer]
"Hey man this is a great story. Is he a Hall of Famer or not? Everyone's kind of debating that. And then he, you know, throws up some goose eggs against your team and then all of a sudden you hate him."
I recall covering Jaime Moyer back in Seattle. He use to put his hand on my head and muss up my hair after I asked him a particularly probing question. The good ol' days in the Pacific Northwest. This didn't really happen. But it could have. Maybe. Did I just say Jaime Moyer might be a Hall of Famer?
[On Orlando Hudson]
"I think there's some issues, personality issues as far as what kind of a fit he is in that clubhouse. Inside that dugout."
Tread lightly. Tread lightly, Corey. Be careful what you say. You have some important time slotted with the Mrs @FollowThePadres at Fashion Valley on Saturday. Don't want to piss off the O-Dog. Don't have time to mow his lawn. Phew. Good answer. Good answer.
[On Huston Street's Future in San Diego]
"If this team is really scuffling by mid-May, late May, early June then I think it's probably a foregone conclusion that this is a guy that will be moved before the trade deadline."
Damn. We finally got some good music in the 9th. I mean it's no Night Ranger but Ted Nugent is a solid listen. It's far better than Heath's choice in music. And it's no Nickleback. Will Andrew Cashner close? No Nickleback, Andrew Cashner. The Ataris! IPA. Darren's beard looks longer than usual. Nickleback!
[On Casey Kelly's Elbow]
"You heard about his elbow having some soreness there. It's kind of like Murphy's Law. What else can go wrong here? But it turns out there's no tear there. He's gonna rehab for a couple of weeks in Arizona."
Did I just say Murphy's law? Avenging Jack Murphy's law? Murphys Law? Avenging. Jack. Murphy. Crap! Is Marty going to archive this audio? Did I just say Jaime Moyer might be a Hall of Famer? Ooooooh. This is bad. Look into my eyes Darren. Look into my eyes. Destroy this audio. Destroy! Please? Darren?
[On Pitching Injuries]
"You have all of these wonderful plans, Darren . . . towards the end of Spring Training . . . you got guys lined up for when they're going to pitch who they're going to pitch against. You set up your rotation. And then someone blows a hole in the buoy there right at the start of the season . . ."
I once made a buoy out of a six pack of beer in a Kentucky Fried Chicken cooler (don't ask). It was one of those mix and match affairs. I had three beers from Deschutes and three from Ballast Point. I don't recall the types of beers from Deschutes but I know I had two Habenero Sculpin IPAs . . . which is weird because I think that's only bottled in a 22 oz. Maybe they were just regular Sculpin IPAs. Two of them. And one Victory at Sea. No, wait. Victory at Sea is definitely a 22 oz bottle so it was definitely not that. I know! It was a Yellowtail. Anyways the buoy of beer tipped over because you aren't really supposed to use a cooler of beer as a buoy. I started to drown but gathered myself with a quickness. I could only save three beers from eventually sinking to their collective deaths. So I saved the Ballast Point. And I drank them. And that is the story of why San Diego beer is definitively better than anything else out there. What the *&^% am I saying to Darren . . .
"And you're scrambling all of a sudden. Dustin Mosely's down. Tim Stauffer's down. This ranks as fairly catastrophic for any organization to have to suddenly dip into your reserves."
Whoa, I was scrambling for names right there. Dustin who? Dustin Deschutes? Dustin McBrokeymeshoulder! Dustin Serpent's Stout? Dustin Mosely! Man that was a great story about the buoy. It's gonna be a long season for Padres fans. They'll have to dip into their reserves to survive it. Whoa! Jinx! Unrelated concurrent thought matches speech! Print Media 3! Radio 0!
[On Vacations]
"There's that vacation reference again. Yea, no I'll be there tomorrow, Darren, I'm even going to shave."
Which is essentially my advice to Padres fans. Be there. Don't shave. Old time hockey, Padres fans. Old time hockey.
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