Showing posts with label Denver Donkey Voodoo Snowman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Denver Donkey Voodoo Snowman. Show all posts

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Pre Game Week 3 Versus The Dolphins: SNL's Mother Lover Brings Perspective To This Ridiculous Fan


In the previous post I suggested that watching the Mother Lover video by Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg was an apt descriptor of Charger Fan reactions following the home loss against Ray Lewis' will last week. If you haven't figured it out....I meant that both were funny.

Seriously. That Mother Lover song is hilarious sh*t....and for a moment it made me stop thinking about Norv's terrible play calling and even worse press conferences. While the video is funny so is the collective response of Charger fan. C'mon people......every year starts this way:
--Chargers lose.
--Fans crap themselves.
--Fans begin questioning Norv, AJ and every personnel move down to those final 53 man cuts.

We'd be well served to chill out for a moment...but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the following:
The definition of ridiculously moronic and incredibly dimwitted is
to continue doing the same ridiculously moronic and incredibly dimwitted thing
and to expect a result
that is not
ridiculously moronic and incredibly dimwitted
I'm no Einstein so I can't tell you if it's him that I'm paraphrasing or if it's Edison or some other mad genius (hasn't Norv been described that way?). But the point I'm making is as follows: in order for me to simultaneously remove the noose from my neck, put the pills back in the medicine cabinet, and to trigger the safety on the 12 gauge sawed off, I need to see the coaching staff make some adjustments that account for the early injury losses we've sustained thus far.

On offense our running game and line play is suspect. So let's make sure we control the ball but also keep Franchise Phil safe by utilizing our giant receivers in a short west coast style passing adjustment. If we don't control the ball against Miami we may end up seeing a replay from the Miami/Indy game and by replay I'm not talking about a Miami loss.

On defense we've lost the center piece of the unit. Without Jamal we have to consider a serious overhaul as there's not a player on our roster who can replace him...and let's be honest, we weren't stopping the run even with the big fella in there against the Rai-duhs. What defensive adjustment will Ron Rivera make?

This isn't a must win but look to the future: a loss at home to Miami followed by a trip to Pittsburgh where regular season history has not been kind would be foreboding....1-3 going into the bye week. Yikes! We can say all we want that there's no reason to panic because we've overcome those odds in both the 2007 and 2008 seasons but it would also be foolhardy to compare the 2009 edition to either of those squads. In 2009, both the defense and rushing attacks are less than what they once were.

Besides; contenders win their home games.

Go Chargers!

Editor's Notes:
  • Thank you for your input Faithful Eleven; Week 3 survivor pool = Baltimore Ravens!
  • Is it to early to begin with advice from the Site Sages and installations of Voodoo. My sense is yes...but if Jessica Alba will start getting us wins I may have to make a concession.
  • We do play in the AFC West.....so I suppose you can scrap the above diatribe.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

The Divisional Round Terrible Voodoo Doll: D.P.O.Y Edition


The intangibles of course (See Voodoo when discussing intangibles). We here at the San Diego Sports Fan Collective have tried to replicate our routine over the last four weeks as best as possible, which of course leads us to our fourth installment of Voodoo. This week we have The Terrible Voodoo Doll in the Shadow of the Charger Power Towel: Defensive Player of The Year, James Harrison Edition.


Yes We Have a Towel Too...You Were First...Who Cares

We don't think Harrison can be stopped by human force alone so we have conjured his destruction in the form of a Voodoo Doll. This is no ordinary Voodoo Doll. A trip to the Salvation Army brought us to a doll, direct from Kenya...a nation with Voodoo practicing elements. Fate? We think so. Look at the native beads draped over Harrison's shoulder...we stuck him up good...it may be our only hope.

Fuckin' lip stick? Shit, man....Hey....I'm a SC Trojan...that shit ain't right!

Keep something in mind. The Voodoo Doll tradition began back on December 21st with a Voodoo Snowman when the Chargers were facing the most dire of circumstances. The Chargers could have won their difficult East Coast road game and still been eliminated by virtue of a Bronco home victory versus a fledgling Bills squad.... but they persevered...they survived... and they advanced. Then came Voodoo on Jay Cutler followed by The Manning de Milo.... which has led us ultimately to fate... January 11th at Heinz field. Why do I mention this? Our Voodoo began in Tampa Bay on 12/21 and our Voodoo seems to be preordained to end in Tampa Bay, site of Superbowl XLIII.

Is this fate? We think so.... a fate we will explain after our 20-17 victory this afternoon.

Good Morning & Good Luck

Chief

Sunday, January 4, 2009

The Upcoming Week In Voodoo...

Which direction will the Pittsburgh Steelers take us this week? Better know yo history...




Denver Donkey Voodoo Snowman
Week 16: Needing a Charger win in Tampa and a Bronco loss at Mile High against the Bills
Voodoo Snowman / Ghost of Jake Plummer delivers a smashed face to Jeff Garcia via Quentin Jammer, then helps Broncos choke, in thin mountain air. Later melts into CA. sunset...

Denver Donkey
Voodoo Doll: Jay Chokler/Lil' Hillbilly Edition
Week 17: With AFC West Championship on the line versus the Broncos, The Little Hillbilly is rattled early and often...two picks w/ one coming in the end zone. Work of art, however extremely dangerous with pins poking every which way. No Children Harmed.

Manning de Milo
Voodoo Doll
Week 18: Wild card round of the playoffs, 2008 MVP picks up healthy chunk of yardage but has little to show for it in the way of points. Takes only sack of game at most crucial time, resulting in another 1st round Colt exit. De Milo knock off retired to Canton, OH.

Pittsburgh Steeler Edition
Week 19:.......oh what we have planned...


Remember our credo during this 2008/2009 playoff installation...

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Charger Wins and Bronco Losses: Voodoo, Karma and Rose Pedals

The Denver Donkey Voodoo Snowman came through with flying colors and it was a glorious thing to behold...


To think that all it took to string together an improbable combination of Charger Victories and Bronco Choke-jobs was a little backwoods Haitian Voodoo...


, and finally the other worldly wisdom of the 14th Incarnation of the Dalai Lama and Jessica Alba, the spiritual advisers to HateThePatriots.blogspot.com.....



This amalgam of belief systems has brought us to this space in time...a time when karmic balance can return as two teams meet, with everything on the line, to right the wrongs of the past. The next ritual will be that of exorcism as the Roman Catholic Church is called in to rid us of the wayward spirit of Ed Hochuli.

No stone left unturned was the mantra for getting us into the playoffs so we here are personally exhausted but look forward to seeing the one final ingredient in action that will bring us to the precipice of football immortality......momentum!

Stage Two of "One-in-a Row" is complete leaving us only with Stage Three, a stage which is controlled solely by the Chargers......at home......momentum friends.......fucking momentum!