On Assignment: Site Sage, H.H. The Dalai Lama, Looks To Get Bolts Back On Track

The Chargers are in Dire need of a Denver Donkey Defeat. On account of this indisputable fact we will begrudgingly become New England Patriot fans for the weekend. The Donkeys must be destroyed like an injured Philly at Del Mar so it is with great pleasure that Avenging Jack Murphy has dispatched the 14th incarnation of the Dalai Lama and Site Sage, to spread total consciousness amongst Patriot personnel. Do your thing Lama.

Peavy To The Southside: What Are "They" Saying As The Trade Deadline Passes?

Former Pale Hose hurler, Jack McDowell, writes a Sox blog and it's pretty solid. He's opinionated yet informed and very involved in discussion with his commenters. Here's Black Jack's initial response to the Trade Deadline deal:

I don't understand why the White Sox would trade away two quality lefthanders and two other prospects at this time for this guy. Add to this the fact that Peavy recently had a strained ligament in his throwing elbow. I'm not guaranteeing a breakdown, but I've noticed over the years that strains seem to quickly lead to Tommy John surgery even after the initial healing of the strain.

I love Peavy, great arm, great pitcher, great guy. But he's NOT an American League #1 pitcher. WOW. [Black Jack on the White Sox]

I like the way that sounds for the Padres. Jake has an ailment of some sort each year and I'd hate to see a guy commanding 25 % of the payroll spending time on the DL. 4 for 1---Two quality left handers.

Possibly the most important aspect of this trade (IMO) was brought to light this afternoon by former Padre beat writer Tom Krasovic:

The Padres say the trade will help their chances of signing several draft picks, including Donavan Tate, whose adviser, agent Scott Boras, is seeking $6 million and perhaps more if the money is spread up to five years. For what it's worth, the Padres regard as first-round talents all of three of their unsigned players taken in the top four rounds. Doesn't do much good to draft them and not sign them.

What's more, by my math, the Padres had spent less than half of the $3 million that their CEO at the time, Sandy Alderson, said in January was budgeted for international signings this year. Presumably, some of the Peavy savings could help them meet their planned spending there, too.

With Adrian Gonzalez eligible for free agency after the 2011 season, the chance of retaining him may have improved today with the Peavy trade. Moorad has said the club will listen to serious inquiries on Gonzalez in the off season, yet even if the Gonzalez talks rekindle, which I expect they will, clearing the $17 million due Peavy in 2012 gives the Padres more leeway to offer big bucks to Gonzalez. [InsideThePadres]

This economic relief will be crucial for the Padres. If they fail to sign Tate and the other dynamic talent taken in June the Padres are doomed.......it also opens up money for Adrian Gonzalez. Check out Tom Krasovic's blog.....he knows the Padres even if your only real concern, on this July 31st, 2009 AD, is the San Diego Chargers.

How about White Sox fans? Do they feel they got the better end of it? From Luol's Dong:

Now, if you're even close to a regular Dong reader, you already know why I don't like Peavy. I wrote that bit in reference to him coming to the Cubs - all of those negatives are amplified and then some when you talk about putting him on the White Sox. Not only does the ERA get the usual "moved from NL to AL" boost, but you've got the California "whoa dude chill out" personality of Peavy mixing with the "HEY KID! $%!& YOU TRY $%#&ING HARDER!" of Ozzie. I don't expect it to end well.

There's also the fact that we traded just about every pitching prospect we have to get him. Seriously. Poreda, Richard, Carter and Russell all went away, leaving the next viable AAA starters of Carlos Torres, Kelvin Jimenez...Jeff Marquez...and Freddy Garcia. Notice the drop-off there from "might be useful in the future" to "it's only an acid enema." This is not the way to grow youth.

But hey - I can't bitch about having him now that we do, so WELCOME TO CHICAGO, JAKE PEAVY. I invite you to try our luxurious medical suites, hospital food, and reclining beds as you ride the disabled list to success.

Side note: Watch Clayton Richard completely dominate for the rest of the season in the NL. Book it. [Luol's Dong]

I disagree with the assertion that Jake Peavy has a "California 'whoa dude chill out' personality" and that it could cause his failures in Chicago. If anything it will be arm ailments that do him in. I love the Clayton Richard projection, though.

This is a fantastic trade. Jake Peavy gave us a great tenure and while his post-season performances left something to be desired I'll fondly remember his time in San Diego. When I go out to the park I'll proudly wear my 1984 retro Peavy jersey.

But we must face a grim reality as fans of the San Diego Padres. The economic constraints of this organization will not allow us to keep players for the duration of their careers. The only way the Padres can become a viable entity is to develop young talent, control young talent, and then trade that mature developed talent for a surplus of youth. It is our cycle of rebirth, the Padres' Samsara.

DO NOT GET ATTACHED TO THESE PLAYERS.

They must go to replenish our team and provide opportunity for future success. Be a Buddhist in your support of the Padres or any team for that matter.....attachment leads to suffering.....detach yourselves, Padre fans, and accept that these teams must be ephemeral to ensure future success. So while Kras' points out that there is now money available for a possible Adrian Gonzalez I am instead preparing myself for the inevitability that he will be dealt to the Red Sox in the off season and I will be the holder of another Padre jersey whose name sake is off playing in another city. It is OK......

As a fan I have converted to Buddhism. So too should you.

Nirvana Awaits Sayeth The Sages: Divisional Round

The Sages say...

It's that time of week again...Sage Advice! Because we're superstitious? No! Because we're Buddhist? No! Because it's a cheap way to infuse Jessica Alba pictures into a post about playoff football? No! Look..it is what is. Better not to ask questions but to know and accept that this nonsense is working...which means, of course, that it makes sense! Without further adieu...

Young fanatics...it is the elimination of suffering that you seek on your way to a perfect state: Nirvana. A victory will bring you peace and happiness thus one step closer to your ultimate goal of Nirvana/A Superbowl Victory. In this state you will be free of petty fixations and you will have compassion for all.

Look at our blog URL...are we capable of having compassion for all?

Trust us. Upon attainment of your goal the anguish in your lives will be extinguished...at that time you will receive an otherworldly glow that only others who have also received enlightenment will notice. When you have reached enlightenment you will find it easy to let go of the negative...

Is there anything else we can do to transcend this difficult task that awaits us at 1:45 pm on Sunday January 11th?

Remember your winning combinations....and stop the Defensive Player of The Year! He is an obstacle to Nirvana...

Thank you Sages.

Hmmm....Stop the Defensive Player of The Year....

Secondary Thoughts on Wild Card Victory

Chargers 23 Colts 17
"SAY ELLO TO MY LIL FREN !"

Our Little Pocket Rocket came up HUGE (I saw a commenter at KSK refer to him as .43 cent) and redeemed himself after a devastating fumble near the end of the 3rd quarter. He threw the Bolts up on his back and went out in Walk off TD style...

...and King Philip overcame a horrible interception early in the 4th Quarter to lead us on a game tying FG drive to end the game and then the game winner in OT. Philip was not without his terrible looking "throw away passes", or his sometimes under thrown passes but when it was all said and done he LED the team to victory.

For those who are not fans of Philip Rivers: take note of how awkward he looks when he runs: he is about 11 months post ACL reconstruction surgery and he is not the most athletic guy: but when the Chargers needed a 1st down, he scrambled, ran (term used loosely), called positioning on a Sproles block, deftly snuck around the end, dove, miraculously sailed head first, bounced knee off of turf, and got us a 1st down down. It was awesome! One of those moments where you say you are proud that he plays for your city.

We mentioned little keys to the game like rushing attack (because Colt D is small and it keeps Manning off the field) which showed we were spot on with our analysis. Then there was, positive turnover differential, which we were terribly wrong about---TWO turnovers in the end zone...

What were we most correct about? Us amateur armchair QBs....

SUPERSTITIONS of course...

1. Facial Hair was rocking
2. Baby clutching Power Towel throughout

Check!...Check!...

What of our other beliefs?

3. Voodoo in play....The Manning de Milo
4. Dynamic Sage Duo...H.H. The Dalai Lama and Ms. Alba

Check!...Check!...

Playoff Hockey Beards...Dirty undies during a winning streak...HTP's inane beliefs...

DO NOT FUCK WITH WINNING COMBINATIONS PEOPLE!

Our next Voodoo Doll? Roethlisberger or Collins? Oh, the joy, that is arts & crap time! Alas, we are committed!

Our final thoughts on an epic game that made me want to throw a remote through TV and shit myself in disbelief....
.....everything that went wrong for us early in the year, changed last night. We got all of the breaks. Penalty calls when we needed them and 1 sack...when we really needed it. It was great to have such good fortune....and a punter who is a GOD!!

I WILL THRASH YOUR BALLS

Eliminate Suffering Sayeth The Sages

The Sages say...

The Noble Eight Fold Path will lead you to self-awakening and liberation. Among these eight truths are: Right view; intention; speech; action; livelihood; effort; mindfulness; and concentration. Following this path will lead to the elimination of suffering....

What does this have to do with our game versus the Indianapolis Colts tomorrow night? Peyton Manning and the receiving corp? Bob Sanders and the speed rush?

Be mindful of what has brought you to this point. Reflect on your practice of Right Effort, Right Mindfulness and Right Concentration. Reflect on your path. Remember that the goal of a sports fan, like any human being, is to eliminate the suffering in one's life...

His Holiness and Ms. Alba.......We are grateful for your sage advice.

Hmmmm.....what does this all mean?

"One-In-A-Rows" Complete: Don't mess with the Holy Trinity

Do not underestimate The Holy Trinity: Little Hillbilly Voodoo Doll, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and Jessica Alba.

It is nearly impossible to accomplish things with out faith and so we put our faith in other worldly Idols and Sages to bring us back from the abyss. Make no mistake about it, we are back, as our 52 point exclamation mark can attest.

"The Big Hitter" Lama and his cohort Jessica Alba prophesied a monumental showdown between the Chargers and Broncos on December 28th...

....and they delivered on their prophecy, karma being restored to the football universe. In addition to the work of our Spiritual gurus there was a Voodoo doll created to avenge the Phillip Rivers Pro Bowl snubbing/completely fuck up Jay Cutler's shit...and it worked. With every air-mailed pass and end zone interception we could feel the thrust of those needles into his appendages...as well as his head. That's a Pro Bowl Quarterback?

Hey you S.O.B...I gotta piss... take that needle out of my voodoo crotch.

Thank you... to a near and dear source who sent this picture to our phone at Jack Murphy Field when the score reached 38-13....image says it all doesn't it? The guy threw 2 picks, one in the end zone and Philip Rivers not a one. Who's the Pro Bowler? Not Jay Chokler!

What a good time calling EVERY DONKEY who was wearing a #6 jersey, Bubby Brister! Half of them didn't even get it and no wonder really.

We took some good pictures of Charger Fans with Banners and others of Bronco Fans getting their props (giant Bronco Stuffed Animal) stolen from them from Charger fans...quite funny....young lady very pissed, many a colorful epithet.

Why do people show up to Charger/Bronco games wearing....Dan Marino, Tom Brady, Ben Roethlisberger, Matt Cassel and every other dickhead's jersey not involved in the game? Why pay all that money for a ticket if not a fan of those two teams? Wearing a random jersey to show that you actually know football...actually shows that you know JACK SQUAT!

THEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOST
THEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOSTTHEPATRIOTSLOST

"One-in-a-Row" Part III of a Three Part Series:The Slaying of Little Hillbilly

The improbable is here. Back on December 8th we asked for three consecutive Charger Wins coupled with three consecutive Bronco Losses....and here we are on the Verge of yet another AFC West Title. We control our own Destiny. Without further adieu let's go to some Sage Advice...

The HTP Sages suggest the following points to remember for those who are pessimistic about the Chargers' chances...

1. Karma. To restore balance in the universe, the wrongs of Hochuli must be avenged thus setting us on the right path.
2. The Little Hillbilly/Jay Chokler Voodoo Doll is in play. To achieve karma, in the Tibetan Buddhist sense, using other means (Voodoo) is completely acceptable...(probably not....editors discretion to "play" with various world views). Cutler will have furious arm and leg issues today...in addition to a furious headache leading to myriad poor decision making.
   

3. Shanahan's Lucky Charms vanished after their second Super Bowl run in '99...

No more Malarkey or Shenanigans from Shanahan

A last piece of Sage Advice from the Lama and Alba: Dress warm. The Prime Time Lights may be on but it's supposed to be 43 degrees. Enjoy...

-HTP Spiritual Advisers

Wish List for December 28th, 2008....

New England Patriot Win
Miami Dolphin Win
New York Jet Loss
Baltimore Raven Win
San Diego Charger Win
Denver Bronco Loss

What do the following scenarios mean to us? For one it means that the Chargers are the AFC West Champs and get a home playoff game against the Indianapolis Colts....

It also means that the Broncos will have achieved the biggest collapse (3 game lead with 3 to play) since conferences moved to a division format....haaaaaa....haaaaa....haaaaa.....

It will be nice to lessen the Brett Favre Drama...Just go back to Mississippi!

But also of extreme gratification will be the New England Patriots finishing with an outstanding 11-5 record....only to miss the playoffs....maybe our regular season meeting wasn't just a "meaningless regular season game"......ENJOY!

Charger Wins and Bronco Losses: Voodoo, Karma and Rose Pedals

The Denver Donkey Voodoo Snowman came through with flying colors and it was a glorious thing to behold...

To think that all it took to string together an improbable combination of Charger Victories and Bronco Choke-jobs was a little backwoods Haitian Voodoo...

a fairly straightforward premise proposed back on December 8th that used semantics to trick us into believing...

The Bolts don't really need to win three in a row while having Denver lose three in a row...it's much more simple than that.........(Shhhh...we have to win one in a row...three times...the correct spin is necessary to swallow this unlikely scenario)

All we have to do is defeat KC at Arrowhead next week and have the Donks lose back east in Carolina...that's it...

....so that we can have a chance the following week back east in Buccaneer Country whereby the Bills will then sojourn in Mile High to knock the fake and bake off of Mike Shanahan's face.....

, and finally the other worldly wisdom of the 14th Incarnation of the Dalai Lama and Jessica Alba, the spiritual advisers to HateThePatriots.blogspot.com.....

This amalgam of belief systems has brought us to this space in time...a time when karmic balance can return as two teams meet, with everything on the line, to right the wrongs of the past. The next ritual will be that of exorcism as the Roman Catholic Church is called in to rid us of the wayward spirit of Ed Hochuli.

No stone left unturned was the mantra for getting us into the playoffs so we here are personally exhausted but look forward to seeing the one final ingredient in action that will bring us to the precipice of football immortality......momentum!

Stage Two of "One-in-a Row" is complete leaving us only with Stage Three, a stage which is controlled solely by the Chargers......at home......momentum friends.......fucking momentum!

Seek Counsel From Sages

His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso, believes it to be our Karma to meet the Broncos on December 28th with the AFC West title at stake.

Meet with Nobel Laureates...Free Tibet...Return from Exile...Get Chargers a Win

Such an act would restore balance to this time and place...a balance that was disturbed by a man named, Ed Hochuli.

Ms. Alba agrees with, and endorses, the counsel of His Holiness.

Really...she's a huge fan

When in doubt, seek sagely advice to right your path. Fortunately our "Collective" can rely on the profound wisdom from both of these kind souls. Viva la "One-in-a-Row" numero dos!

The Intersection of Carl Spackler and Charger Fan

So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking.

So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one -- big hitter, the Lama -- long, into a ten-thousand foot crevice, right at the base of this glacier. And do you know what the Lama says?

"Gunga galunga...gunga -- gunga galunga."

So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me.

And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know."

And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness."

So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

No matter how the season ends....we are 3-0 in our 2008 grudge match games. Eleven consecutive games and counting against the Pirates from the Bay and the utter destruction of the Patriots back in October....so we got that goin' for us, which is nice.

Chargers 34
Raiders 7