African Proverbs: Padres Players Edition

Earlier in the month we attempted to show how Orlando Hudson would have benefited from exposure to proverbs at some point in his life. Then we sought to explain the actions of the Padres Front Office through small pieces of African wisdom. This is the third installment of the African Proverb series -- the Padres Players Edition.

 

When he was a young boy Mark Kotsay would sit with his grandfather and talk. While Kotsay the younger would speak with his grandfather about baseball and his dreams of doing it at the next level they were frequently interrupted by Grandmother Kotsay. She would traverse the room speaking in non-sequiturs and proverbs. 

 

The overall scope of the proverbs she spoke in was astounding but she seemed to frequently gravitate to a foundation of West African wisdom. Young Kotsay often heard the following from his grandmother:

He who marries a real beauty is seeking trouble. ~Accra (Ghana)

Clearly, Mark did not listen to Grandmother Kotsay. 

 Not only is his wife a beauty they've been married since the days of Mark Kotsay's first tour in San Diego, ten years ago. Grandma ain't always right.

 

Chase Headley is an oft maligned player in San Diego. He was advertised as a savior of sorts but during his time in San Diego he has fallen short of those early messianic projections. Instead he has become a solid ball player, a description many in MLB would die for. Without the HRs though, fans tend not to see his contributions. But Headley plugs on . . .

It is better to walk than curse the road. ~ Wolof (Senegal)

With patience at the plate and a blind eye to the criticism from without, Chase Headley exemplifies the ethos of the Wolof which is why he will be a guest of honor in Senegal in November when the 2012 season concludes.

 

Cameron Maybin lived through the accolades of being a highly touted prospect and the tribulations of a trade to Florida which saw him unable to crack a line-up permanently. The fragile psyche of athletes whose success is defined by a 70% failure rate often find themselves unable to cope with such disappointments as those endured by Maybin. 

 

As a 19 year-old playing for the West Michigan Whitecaps of the Midwest League, Cameron Maybin listened closely to the words of a Swahili teammate named Phil Napolitan. Napolitan counseled Maybin with this proverb of his people:

There is no bad patience. ~Swahili

Preparing to start his second season in San Diego the patience has paid-off for the young center fielder. With talk of a contract extension on the horizon, Cameron Maybin is now spoken of as an anchor for future Padres teams.

 

African proverbs -- they explain so much.

The Oldest Pitching Match-up . . . EVAR!

In last week's Gwynn Thoughts I discussed Tony Gwynn. Yes, yes, but there was more!

The game in which he was immortalized with an eternal statue featured a pitching match-up between old timers David Wells and Jaime Moyer. They combined for a whopping 88 years and 307 days which is older than most of the trees in southern California.* This particular match-up between Wells and Moyer in 2007, in terms of collective ages, was the second oldest in baseball history.

*I cannot verify this.

The record was set 20 years earlier when two future Hall of Famers locked horns . . .

***
The Pitchers: Hall of Famers Phil Niekro and Don Sutton

***
A blistering paced 2:40 minute game.

***
Both old guys featured in the decision. Niekro worked 7.1 innings for the win and Sutton threw 8 in the loss.

***
Sutton gave up two HRs: one to Corey Snyder in the 5th inning and another to Brook Jacoby in the 8th. In late "1980s terms" Corey Snyder had the GWRBI.

***
Ah, the 1980s. A simple time when kids collecting baseball cards held hope that the former Olympian would allow them to retire rich one day.

During that 1987 season Snyder would hit 33 HRs but strikeout almost 5 times as much he walked (31:166), compiling a not-so-stellar .273 OBP. It was 1987 . . . we didn't look at OBP.

***
Sutton's battery mate was fellow Hall of Famer Bob Boone, pride of Crawford High School and father of former Padre Brett Boone. The AJM Mother-in-law went to HS with Bob Boone. I think she described him as arrogant. Not sure. Anyway, Boone was 39 when this game was played. Oldest battery mates? I'm going to go with . . . probably?

The Real Question

How could an AL game featuring designated hitters and the oldest sumbitchtes to ever play the game fly by in 2 hours and 40 minutes?

A fast paced AL ballgame featuring designated hitters becomes feasible when 10 of 18 starters have OPSs below .700 and of those 10, 7 are below .655.

The Angles' Bryan Downing was the one statistical beast featured in this battle between the California/Anaheim/ Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and Cleveland Indians. His 950 OPS far surpassed what anyone else was doing on these teams during the early months of the 1987 season.

At this stage of his career, Downing was already 37 and had been in the league for 14 years. The 1987 season was the only one in which Bryan Downing ever led the league in an offensive category when he walked 106 times. His OPS would finish at .886 after hitting 29 HRs and 29 doubles.

The Moral Of Our Incomplete Little Story

American League games can finish within a reasonable time frame if the right combination of flotsam are trotted out onto the field. For both teams.

Cory Snyder failed we children of the 80s. Forced to work, we lament the day we envisioned golden retirements, provided through cardboard commodities.

Decrepit, soft-tossing pitchers are capable of accruing many wins over their careers. It's easier said than done.

Brian Downing was pretty f*&#ing cool . . .

Well, he was cool in the 80s.

Padres, Dead Kennedys, and A Holiday In Peoria

After a short drive I tried to piece together my upcoming trip to Peoria. As the legs of the event began to fall into place in my mind the Dead Kennedys' Holiday in Cambodia began to play on the radio. And as any fool will tell you, Cambodia and Peoria rhyme perfectly, so I began to pen a song.

This song is based on my one experience in Peoria last season, which inexplicably found me in the Press Box at the Peoria Sports Complex viewing the first game of Spring Training. The song is also pieced together from the musings of Corey Brock of Padres.com and the North County Times' Dan Hayes, two authority figures on Peoria Arizona . . .


I suggest that you simultaneously play the music of the Dead Kennedys and sing my lyrics loudly enough to drown out Jello Biafra.

So you been to Arizona
For a year or two
And you know you've seen it all
Iconic hookups at the bar
Urinal rendezvous from afar
I guess the writing was on the wall


Play the Atari's theme
To charge up the team
On the park's five grand stereo
Braggin' that you know
How Bill Center feels old
And the Press box got so much soul


It's time to hear what you most fear
Nickleback will not help you here
Brace yourself, dear Friiii - - ar:
Brace yourself, dear Friiii - -ar:


It's a holiday in Peoria
It's tough wearin' #75, kid, but it's life
It's a holiday in Peoria
Don't forget to call your wife
[* To the poor guy who has little chance of making the squad]


See guys like Hoffy get to teach
Ausmus shows a catcher how to reach
Blacky and Balls work with the arms
Corey, Dan, and Uncle Ted observe
The next big thing's 12-to-6 curve
But the unproven 'pen sounds alarms


Well you'll work harder
With a radar gun in your back
For a Waffle House meal a day
A slave for Salty's
Chips and salsa 'till you starve
Then your guts are ruined until May
[*A message for the Padres fan turned intern]


Now you can go where people drink in the sun
Now you can go where fans watch players run
What you need, my Padre:
What you need, my Padre:


Is a holiday in Peoria
Where people dress in blue, sand, orange, and brown
A holiday in Peoria
Where the cracks of bats will sound


Bud Black, Bud Black, Bud Black, Bud Black, [etc]


And it's a holiday in Peoria
Where you'll do what you're told
A holiday in Peoria
Where the Arizona slums got so much soul


Bud Black!

RJ's Fro and Ducksnorts are accomplished musicians so I expect that our trip next weekend will yield an acoustic production of this song -- during our Holiday in Peoria.

You can't always get what you want

I really want to like Orlando Hudson. Let me amend that statement -- I really don't want to dislike guys who play for the Padres. 

I don't care to critique guys I ultimately need to cheer for in order for the Padres to attain success.

Yet here I am, during the week before position players are required to report to Peoria, Arizona and I've already ripped into Orlando Hudson twice. I'm bashing a guy who showed up early to camp!

But it could all be solved quite easily . . .


I guess it all comes down to the roles of those writing the stories: beat writers and columnists.

Perhaps it's not within the purview of beat writers to ask the dirty little questions (see: critical) I have in mind, on account of needing access to ballplayers every day. The columnist (and blogger) can get away with the scathing criticism more readily than the guy covering the beat.

So what is it that I want, you ask? 

I want Orlando Hudson to be asked, not about tossing the ball into the stands with two outs last season, but his comments afterwards regarding it being funny. Orlando Hudson probably thinks it was a benign comment but the truth is that a great deal of animosity towards him was developed when, on a last place team, he was able to laugh it off. Ask him about that.

I want Orlando Hudson to address his comments toward fans who booed Brad Hawpe last season. I love that he stood up for his teammate but I loathe that he called out fans with his condescending and entitled remarks.

I want Orlando Hudson to comment on his Twitter account, although verified as his, was clearly being operated by someone else -- and was ripping into critical fans.

That's what I want. I'm not likely to get it but a fan can dream. The odds are good that I wouldn't like O-Dog's answers anyway. Orlando Hudson, in his insulated little world, appears to simply think the way he thinks. But if he recanted, even a bit, I could get in the guy's corner.

****
On a side note:

I imagine yesterday was the day Orlando Hudson was made completely available to reporters as each of the guys (Corey, Dan, and Bill) submitted a story on the Padres second baseman. I can see Orlando Hudson holding court in the middle of the locker room, talking a mile-a-minute, slapping the rear-ends of new guys like Andrew Cashner and Edinson Volquez as they make it to the showers. I digress.

My point? Look at the variation in quotes from Corey Brock's article and Bill Center's.

Corey Brock:

"I guess when you go out and play hard ... things like that happen. If you don't play hard, it comes back that he don't give a damn, he don't care," Hudson said. "You go out and keep doing what you're doing. I'm not going to change the way I play."

Bill Center:

“I guess when you go out and play hard, things like that happen. If you don’t play hard, it comes back that you don’t care. You go out and keep doing what you’re doing. I’m not going to change the way I play.

 Assuming they were huddled around Hudson at the same time I find that kind of weird. If 'kind of weird' is a bit vague, I mean to say that quote #2 looks cleaned up. I guess the UT is a family fish-wrap now.

Orlando Hudson's Act of Contrition . . . not really

The Union Tribune's Bill Center has given Orlando Hudson a forum to reconstruct a tattered image. Your job, if you choose to accept it, is to either reject or accept his act of contrition . . .



Orlando Hudson says he never got his feet on the ground last season.

It's possible to simultaneously have one's head up their ass and to also have their feet on the ground. It's all science. I reject Bill Center's assertion.

“It wasn’t fun, it wasn’t fun at all,” the veteran second baseman said Wednesday of a 2011 season that saw him twice land on the disabled list and finish with one of the weaker campaigns of his career. 

This is a lie. If you laugh you're having fun. And when Orlando Hudson threw a ball into the stands last year he said he laughed about it. Because it was funny.

Laughter = fun.

This applies to nearly everyone except a particular subset of clowns whose performance is based on successfully creating balloon twisting animals and objects. These clowns are often tipped so poorly for their efforts that they no longer have souls despite the projection of a prodigiously painted smile.

Just havin' fun

“We’re all human,” he continued. “Flush it and go.”

As the father of infants, I don't appreciate the bathroom humor but I suppose I can accept this strategy. Mr. Hudson might be making strides in a direction fans would deem forward.

“This year is a different year,” said Hudson. “Last year was a little strange. It happens to everybody. You can’t be disappointed about it, you’ve got to keep playing, keep going hard.”

Disappointment is a colossal waste of time. How very Buddhist of him. He's like a Bodhisattva over there at second base. I dub thee, O-Dog-sattva.

Said Hudson: “I guess when you go out and play hard, things like that happen. If you don’t play hard, it comes back that you don’t care."

O-Dog-sattva is confusing me. Has he learned a lesson or is he chastising fans for forcing him to play hard to earn his money, the implication being that if he would have eased back on the throttle he never would have suffered any injuries?

IT'S! YOUR! FAULT! SAN DIEGO!

Hudson’s 2011 statistics included a career-low .246 batting average over 119 games, which was the second-fewest played in his career.

O-Dog-sattva showed up to work 73% of the time. On days that he did show up to work he was successful at his job less than 25% of the time. He was paid 100% of his salary -- which is roughly 1 Gazillion dollars more than I will make in my lifetime.

Man, the O-Dog-sattva is doing it right.

However, there was a perception in the extended Padres family, including fans, that the 34-year-old switch-hitter wasn’t all-in. Greeting rivals who reached second didn’t win Hudson points. Neither did tossing a ball into the stands with one out, then later making light of the incident.

Aldous Huxley once wrote, "There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception".

And then Jim Morrison started a band and got hopped up on mescaline. The point is drugs are bad for the artist but great for he who admires the art.

It sounds like I'm advocating the use of performance enhancing drugs so the O-Dog-sattva can boost his anemic numbers -- which I'm not at all proposing. Unless he wants to do it. And has a way to do it without getting caught. Wait. Getting caught would lead to a suspension . . .

At this point I don't know if we need steroids or mescaline. F&%k!

“I want to help this team any way I can.”
The Crash Davis School of Cliches . . . this is a step forward! Nice going O-Dog-sattva.

//I'm a jerk. And I cannot help myself

Edinson Volquez: Haircuts and Success

On Dan Hayes' blog this morning he wrote a teaser to an upcoming article about newly acquired RHP, Edinson Volquez.

A quote from Volquez confirmed what I have long thought to be a key to his future success:

"Right now, the way my hair feels, I think I'm going to have a good season this year," Volquez said. "I'm ready."

I couldn't agree more with Volquez. Look at the before and after shots of his hair.

Is Volquez' move from baseball's equivalent of an 1860s outhouse (Great American Ballpark) to the cavernous environs of PETCO Park going to help his psyche and consequently his performance? Sure.

Does it help that he's now another season removed from Tommy John surgery? Of course.

That his drug suspension is even further in his past? Undoubtedly.

Will the tutelage of Darren Balsley and Bud Black serve him more suitably than Dusty Baker, destroyer of young arms? YES!

A theme has developed surrounding Edinson Volquez and there is little question of whether he is set up for success in his new home at 19 Tony Gwynn Dr.

But allow me to break it down unscientifically for you: it's the hair.

Hair like that is bad karma for ball players*. If you can't fit your hat on straight all of the goodness within your body, your aura so to speak, shifts and your game goes in the crapper -- unless you're a lefty, which Volquez clearly is not.

 *Don't tell me about Manny Ramirez. Guy's as off as they come.

So it all comes back to the hair and I'm ecstatic that Volquez realizes it too. Good luck in 2012, Mr. Volquez.

[Editor's Update]

I totally misread that quote. Hayes wrote:

"Right now, the way I feel, I think I'm going to have a good season this year," Volquez said. "I'm ready."

It's neither here nor there. I stand by my unscientific assessment of Edinson Volquez' hair. I still expect great things.

Things Bud Black has outlasted

I read the opening paragraph of Bill Center's article this morning and immediately stopped.

My mind was blown after reading these words written about Padres manager Bud Black:

 " . . . where he begins his sixth spring training as Padres manager Monday."

It seems like only yesterday that Bud Black arrived from Anaheim and the Bruce Bochy Era concluded. Yet here he is, beginning his 6th season with the Padres.

The only thing I could think of in response to this piece of information was to make a reference to a long running sit-com that I've never even watched. But Bud Black deserves better than that.

Bud Black should be applauded for making it to a 6th season as not everyone / everything has such staying power.

Here's a list of things that weren't as fortunate to make it to a sixth year. . .

Nirvana
With Nirvana's release of their debut album Bleach in June of 1989 and the subsequent suicide of Kurt Cobain in April of 1994 the seminal rock band failed to even make it to the 5 year mark.  
Bud Black > Flannel Apparel and Three Chord Guitar Progressions

Gale Sayers
Technically the career of the Kansas Comet lasted form 1965-1971 but catastrophic knee injuries cut his run of greatness short. Sayers only played two games in both the 1970 and 1971 seasons which by my count leaves his career at a full five seasons in the NFL.  
Bud Black > 1960's Knee Reconstruction

The Wire
The epic HBO series, portraying the urban decay of Baltimore as described by David Simon and Ed Burns, lasted a full 5 seasons and then called it quits.
Bud Black > Jimmy McNulty + Omar Little

Saved By The Bell: The College Years
Tiffani-Amber Thiessen was so good looking in 1993 she could have carried The College Years through a four year undergraduate program and a masters thesis. Alas, the series ended after one season.
Bud Black > Kelly Kapowski

Star Wars
Over the span of 28 years the George Lucas successfully brought 5* feature length Star Wars films to the big screen. I'm fudging with the parameters here but in terms of output it's more important to count the films and not the years in which they spanned.
Bud Black >  George Lucas' Dialogue and Jar Jar Binks

*Most Star Wars aficionados acknowledge that The Phantom Menace sucked horribly. As such I have not included it. And Bud Black wins.

The Greco-Persian Wars
Taken in tandem, the two invasions of Greece by the mighty Persian armies of Darius and Xerxes, lasted less than five years. Considering the superior strength of Persia and the fact that Greece ultimately won it's astonishing that these wars didn't last longer. Bud Black would have destroyed Greece.
Bud Black > Ancient History and its Commanders

The San Diego Padres
The Padres made it through 5 seasons in San Diego and then in 1974 were on the verge of moving to Washington DC. Had Ray Kroc not swooped in to save the day we'd be saying that Bud Black also outlasted the San Diego Padres . . . or would we? Feel free to contemplate this existential dilemma.
Bud Black = Ray Kroc (?)

Bud Black has yet to make the playoffs in San Diego but his tenure should be commended nonetheless. I foresee greatness for Bud Black. All he needs is the right number of years under his belt.

Orlando Hudson Reports Early To Spring Training

Yesterday, Dan Hayes of the North County Times reported via Twiter, that all 35 Padres pitchers and catchers had reported to Peoria, Arizona. In addition to the mandatory appearance by pitchers and catchers 8 position players reported voluntarily. One of the position players was the oft maligned Orlando Hudson.

Orlando Hudson is well aware that his stock tumbled last year after coming to San Diego. The Padres tried to move him but his services went unwanted this winter.

Hudson is essentially a free agent following 2012 as the Padres would have to pay him $8 million dollars in 2013 but are likely to buy him out for $2 million instead.

Is his early arrival an attempt at some sort of penance? Perhaps this move by the O-Dog will show an attempt to provide the leadership that was sorely lacking last season and eventually persuade another team to offer him a multi-year deal in 2013.

According to sources on the ground at the  Peoria Sports Complex, Orlando Hudson has already contributed selflessly to the cause in 2012 . . .

Gwynn Thoughts: The statue, the brick

On Thursday I wrote of a few initial memories that arose from the ashes of my mind after hearing of Tony Gwynn's pending cancer surgery. I meant to continue with my Gwynn thoughts on Friday but life found a way to interrupt my little plans. This was from the 2007 season . . .

I knew this girl. She was not a baseball fan. But it was tickets to a ball game she had received for some demonstration of excellence. She knew I was a baseball fan however and quickly approached me to make the sale.

Sheepishly, I replied to her sales pitch, "Awww . . . I don't know. Those seats are pretty expensive." 

She reduced the price and I guiltily scooped them up. This particular game was to be played off in the future. July 21st to be exact. Against the Phillies. Excited that the seats were right behind the visitors' dugout I filed away the tickets and didn't give the game another thought . . .

As the date came-up on me over the summer I realized it would be the game in which Tony Gywnn would be immortalized with a statue at the Park in the Park. 

Earlier that year as a Valentine's Day gift for Mrs. AJM I had purchased a brick inscribed with our daughter's name to be placed around the base of the statue. Perfectly, I had purchased tickets to the game in which Tony Gwynn would be recognized for his career accomplishments. One week later he would head to Cooperstown to be enshrined in Baseball's Hall of Fame.

The seats were three rows behind the visitor's dugout, the best seats I ever had to a game. And that is my most vivid memory* -- being close to the Phillies players as Ted Leitner served as Master of Ceremonies. Each player -- Ryan Howard, Jimmy Rollins, Chase Utley, and the rest of the Phillies -- stood at the top of the dugout with stares fixed on Gwynn. I may have spent more time watching them pay their respects to Gwynn than watching Gwynn receive a career summation from Leitner. I didn't feel too bad about it though -- I have a brick.

*This game was absolutely brutal. The Phillies stomped the Padres into the ground. The fossil known as Jamie Moyer, baffled the Padres into submission and Ryan Howard destroyed whoever was pitching for the home nine.

***
Research tells me that the match-up between Jaime Moyer and David Wells (both 44 years old) combined to be the second oldest pitching match-up in the history of the game:

On Saturday, the second-oldest match-up will take place at PETCO Park between the San Diego Padres' David Wells and the Philadelphia Phillies' Jamie Moyer.
The 44-year-olds will have a combined age of 88 years, 307 days when they take the mound, according to the Elias Sports Bureau.

They didn't think to mention who was #1 so I went and found it for you (us). Here it is: The oldest pitching match-up occurred in 1987 when Don Sutton and Phil Niekro got after it at 90 years and 135 days. Interestingly enough, in 2007 the mark for the oldest lefty match-up was set four different times:

April 12th: Jamie Moyer versus Tom Glavine
April 24th: David Wells versus Randy Johnson
May 9th: Jaime Moyer versus Randy Johnson
July 21st: David Wells versus Jamie Moyer.

What a fun year for old people.

***
To be specific regarding Ryan Howard. He hit two HRs, one of which landed in the upper deck in left center field, and finished with 5 RBI. Just so I can describe the destruction with a degree of precision, ya know.

***
Milton Bradley fell a double short of the cycle. It was his 10th game as a Padre.

***
Khalil Green left three runners on base and Kevin Kouzmanoff struck out twice. I. Am. Shocked!

***
Thank you, Mr. Padre.

Gwynn Thoughts: The 5.5 Hole In 2001

Questions of mortality often rekindle the fondest memories . So many memories . . .

Towards the end of the 2001 season I attended a Padres game with the future Mrs. AJM, my best friend, and his future Ex-Mrs. The future Ex-Mrs. of my best friend was the future Mrs. AJM's best friend. We introduced them. It's all very convoluted but it's neither here nor there. This is about Tony Gwynn and the 5.5 hole . . .



As we sat in Jack Murphy Stadium in the upper reaches of Left Field we had a perfect view of the infield and the locale that Tony Gwynn made so famous. On this particular evening, no doubt in celebration of Gwynn's career arriving at its conclusion, the infield dirt between third base and shortstop was emblazoned with a giant 5.5. Etched into the dirt, these numbers served as a reminder to every Padres fan the manner in which Gwynn plied his trade each night in Mission Valley and across the country.

Of course my guests weren't really aware of this fact. The girls were casual fans and my buddy had recently moved to San Diego from Arizona via New York. They didn't understand the significance of the numbers so I explained the numeration to all. I felt smart.

In front of our seats sat another couple. I overheard a young guy and girl reference the 5.5 hole and question it's meaning so I politely explained it to them. The guy looked at me and said, "That's not what it means!"

I assured him of my certainty but he wasn't having it. I sat back in my seat and delivered a mental assault for the ages. I don't recall who the Padres played or the outcome, only the homage to Tony Gwynn, the friends that accompanied me, and my brief conversation with the most ignorant man in San Diego.

Slashed into the 5.5 hole . . . whaddya think?

Gwynn Thoughts: Hard Work In The RF

Questions of mortality often rekindle the fondest memories . . .

My bedroom walls were wallpapered with posters of sports heroes. Music and movie posters as decor came much later, as I developed a level of sophistication that can only arrive upon entering college. But as a youth it was sports posters. Walter Payton, Don Mattingly, and Tony Gwynn.

One of the other thoughts that raced through my mind the other day was a poster of Tony Gwynn called Hard Work In The RF. I'm pretty sure that was it. It may have been a give-away at a game but regardless of its origins I think it celebrated Tony Gwynn's 1987 Gold Glove. It showcased the RF wall of a dimly lit Jack Murphy Stadium. There on the warning track stood a pinstriped Gwynn looking down at the ball in his glove. The poster was awesome. Alas, I cannot find an image of it anywhere.

So my good buddy Rob (mentioned in the previous post) also had this poster but with a slight difference -- it was autographed and personalized with a metallic silver Sharpie pen. 


Rob was Tony Gwynn's neighbor and for a Christmas present his parents had walked over to Tony's house and had him sign it. I coveted that poster and made no allusions otherwise. Rob said he would try to get my poster autographed too but the day never came. In hindsight I would have done well to have just knocked on Tony's door myself -- who can refuse a kid*?

*This strategy worked with Ed Whitson. Ed answered the door fully clothed and with nary a hint of craziness in his eyes he gladly obliged my brother and I.

Absent an image of that epic poster here's another one I had on my wall:

I think this spring I'll round up a poster and sharpie and head over to an Aztec game, pretend I'm a kid again.

Gwynn Thoughts: The 1989 Batting Race

After hearing that Tony Gwynn was going for another round of cancer surgery in his cheek my mind started spinning, registering my fondest moments of Tony Gwynn over the years. Fortunately, after 14 hours, the surgery sounds like it was a success. 

As I pondered Gwynn's mortality this was one of my thoughts . . .

In 1989 I was still a new edition to Padre fandom. I didn't hate LA or the San Francisco quite yet and it was evidenced by my excitement to see Will Clark and the Giants visit San Diego on the last weekend of the season. The Padres had just been mathematically eliminated but the batting title was not yet decided. The race featured Will Clark and a guy who was fast becoming one of my favorite players: Tony Gwynn.

I attended the Saturday game on September 30th. It was Flan Appreciation Night. While even a novice like myself appreciated the way Tim Flannery played San Diego was there to see Gwynn and Clark. Gwynn entered the Saturday evening contest in front of 47, 787 fans hitting .331 after going 1 for 5 on Friday evening. Will Clark went 2 for 4 in that Giants win on September 29th and stood at .334 entering Saturday's contest.

In a game that featured Mark "Mudcat" Grant* on the hill for the Padres and the hefty Rick Reuschel throwing for the Giants both Gwynn and Clark went to work.

*Mud entered the game in the 5th inning. He worked a long five innings of relief to get the win and move his record to 8-2. As Mud would say, "That's Some Kinda Nice."



When the dust settled the Padres had won 11-5, chasing 17 game winner Rick Reuschel after 4 innings. Will Clark's 1 for 4 left him remaining static (.334) but Tony Gwynn had made his move. Gwynn's 3 for 4 night had raised his average to .333.

I had attended this game with my best friend, Rob. As the game turned into a laugher and the crowd began to dissipate we stealthily maneuvered to field level seats behind home plate. We both witnessed the last ABs of Gwynn and Clark as close as anyone possibly could that night.

The next afternoon (October 1st, 1989) would see Gwynn bang out another 3 hits in a 3-0 Padres win. Gwynn's effort was too much for Will Clark who could only manage another 1 for 4 dropping his average to .333. After a 3 for 4 game on consecutive days Tony Gwynn's average stood complete at .336 good enough for his 4th batting title.

I left Flan Appreciation night with a pin and an indelible memory of Tony Gwynn's determination and craftsmanship at the plate.

Padres and Pints Episode 3 Preview: Port Brewing/Lost Abbey

 This is the REEL Episode 3. The FAKE Episode 3 was the special edition of Padres and Pints at Fanfest. But this is REEL. Just listen to the music . . .

Padres Fanfest: The Padres and Pints Rapid Fire Poll

On Saturday the San Diego Padres held their annual Fanfest.

We met for a special episode of Padres and Pints with Padres COO and President Tom Garfinkel to discuss Fanfest, 2012 promotions, and San Diego's craft brewing scene at PETCO Park.

Mr. Garfinkel also fielded the ridiculous set of questions that have come to be known as Rapid Fire.

Now have your say with the Rapid Fire Poll . . .

The questions began with the usual content: Breakfast.




Garfinkel is a good sport regarding the Breakfasttown talk and why he shouldn't he be, really? Breakfast is fairly awesome.

Tom made an interesting point regarding breakfast in San Diego. He said that he's never stood in line for dinner in San Diego but he sure has for breakfast. Well I've stood in lines for both but none are more epic than the queues coming out of my favorite breakfast places. Hear, hear, Breakfasttown U.S.A!

I'm going to combine the next two Rapid Fire questions into one since both revolved around breakfast dishes.





Clearly there are many other choices . . . perhaps, a skillet? The above four however, were the first to pop into my head. I apologize if the absence of your breakfast mainstays has left you feeling slighted.

Tom and I began to riff during Rapid Fire and I asked him about Breakfast destinations. I'll go on record as saying, I'm a moron for not originally asking it.




As President of the Padres Tom Garfinkel is required to toe a line of political correctness which made the next question a bit wasteful. But there's no reason you can't sound off. It's not an easy one . . .




And finally a college football question to round it off. Garfinkel is a Michigan guy and I'm a Notre Dame guy but I'll amend it slightly so as not to ruffle your delicate sensibilities.




I need to set the parameters for a Notre Dame/Michigan bet with Garfinkel. Hmmm . . .

Until next time, this was your Rapid Fire!

Over At The Fro: Padres and Pints Episode 3 (Fanfest Edition)

This last weekend The 'Fro and AJM were the recipients of an excellent opportunity: a moment to sit down with Padres COO and President Tom Garfinkel. 

In a short but sweet episode of Padres and Pints we discussed the greatness of Fanfest, the 2012 promotion schedule, Craft beer at PETCO Park and the merits of breakfast. And it all took place in the bowls of PETCO under a painting of Randy Jones in the exclusive* Sony Home Plate Club.

*and dimly lit.

 Head over to RJ's Fro for the latest installment of Padres and Pints.

A Modest Proposal For Huston Street's 9th Inning Music

During Saturday's Fanfest at PETCO Park, Huston Street addressed his Closer's Music for 2012 while sitting on a forum panel moderated by Mud Grant. He said it would be a surprise. I have an opinion on this . . .

Since 1998 there have been two songs* San Diego Padres fans have heard in the 9th inning of a close game: Hells Bells for Trevor Hoffman and Heath Bell's Blow Me Away. Fourteen seasons with little variation, a remarkable feat.

*In 2003 Rod Beck took over for an injured Trevor Hoffman and saved 20 games. Who knows how Shooter would have rolled . . .

Is the discussion of entrance music frivolous? Yes. Am I going to write something about it regardless? Yes. Is my idea going to be more radical? Is it an election year?*

* Answering a question with a question is the way forward. Write that down . . .
When Huston Street was acquired by the San Diego Padres on December 7th, 2011 fans immediately chimed in with the obvious suggestions for 9th inning entrance music, most of which included the words Street or Streets referenced. But we don't need music from U2, The Cure, or the motion picture soundtrack to Annie*.

*I live in a household of females. Reserve judgement lest ye be judged yourself.

In my mind however, there's only one real song choice for Huston Street. I can't resist the idea that Street Fighting Man should be his music for the remainder of his time in San Diego.*

*A career which may or may not last past July 31st of this year.

But I wasn't talking about the Rolling Stones' Street Fighting Man. I much prefer a call to war: Rage Against The Machine's version of Street Fighting Man.

In 2000 RATM released Renegades, a collection of militant/anti-establishment/call-to-revolution type cover-songs. It featured a gritty, hard-edged Street Fighting Man that would subsequently be featured when ever someone wanted to show video footage of backyard revolution:

Whether this song played as the soundtrack  to Protestant and Catholic clashes in Northern Ireland or to the recent revolutions on the Arab Street the connotations were manifest: Rage!!!

Could this song get a moribund crowd to their feet during the 9th inning of a 2-1 game at PETCO?*

*Rhetorical question, you twit.

But Street Fighting Man is only one part of San Diego's 9th inning revolution, my good people.

While Huston Street charges out of the pen and begins his warm-up tosses there must be some sort of video montage projecting throughout the park. And since it's an election year I propose that the Padres focus on our current backyard revolution -- the battle against MLB to get ownership approved, specifically as it relates to current Arizona Diamondbacks owner Ken Kendricks and his vendetta against former partner and current Padres owner, Jeffrey Moorad.

I want a video montage with Samuel L. Jackson crushing snakes. I want to see video stills of Arizona Diamondbacks logos bursting into flames. There needs to be lots of fire! The city of Phoenix? Fire! Every place in the greater-Phoenix area should be ablaze with fire. A burning metropolis, one in which, only Peoria* survives the fury.

*The Seattle Mariners' locker room at the Peoria Sports Complex should burn to the ground.

Video stills of Ken Kendricks? He's the devil. He. Should. Be. ON. FIRE! Kendricks should have protruding horns from his ample forehead. And be holding a pitch fork! And he should be . . . on fire!!! There should be Molotov cocktails soaring through the air with Chase Field set in a fiery background. Chase Field's fate? Burned to the ground! This revolution shall be televised! Yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Kevin Towers and Sean Burroughs? Horns. Pitchforks. Fire!!! The literal bonds between the organizations of Arizona and San Diego . . . MUST BURN*!

*We will spare former Kearney Komet, Alan Trammel.

The video shall end with Jeff Moorad and Tom Garfinkel standing on the cliffs of Torrey Pines bellowing, "We are the San Diego Padres. And we approve of this message."

In summation: Rage Against The Machine's Street Fighting Man, Samuel L. Jackson, dying snakes, fire, connotations of devils, and more fire.

Good luck to Huston Street and the 2012 San Diego Padres.

Nick Canepa is not unlike a 12 year-old

Last evening, Nick Canepa of the UT opined:

Where’s the hook? Why should the people who spend money for tickets want to watch these Padres? And, if a star develops, will he spend more than a few years here before he becomes too expensive, a la Adrian Gonzalez and Bell? The ship carrying a Tony Gwynn sailing forever on the USS San Diego Discount has sailed.

I find Nick Canepa's reasoning intellectually dishonest. He acts like the San Diego Padres are the only team who fail to keep their players as they become free-agents when in reality it's pretty difficult for any team to do it.

Adrian Gonzalez, acquired for nearly nothing in the winter of 2005, entered the same zip code* as Albert Pujols in terms of his production and proceeded to price himself out of the plans of nearly every major league team. So the Padres did what they had to do and moved him for controllable players. But the Padres did what approximately 25 of the other  MLB franchises would be forced to do. Worth mentioning?

*Maybe not zip code. State?

And since I mentioned Pujols let me also remind Nick Canepa that the slugger's former employer failed to keep him in St. Louis for the duration of his career. The Cardinals are a team with a massive following, sell-out crowds, and money in the coffers yet Pujols was only allowed to stay as long as his contract remained team friendly. Now Albert Pujols is an Angel.

Nick Canepa cites the departure of Heath Bell as another example of a player becoming too expensive. But that's not the truth. Heath bell became too expensive to offer a contract for a third year*. The Padres only wanted to be committed for two years. But why such a short commitment, Nick? Let us count the ways -- he's fat, with declining strikeout numbers, and a large crooked number for his age. Isn't it being responsible for the Padres to find another resource to fill a position that is only utilized for 70 innings per year? In Nick Canepa's mind the answer is clearly no or he would have referenced Huston Street and the flexibility of his contract in terms of both years and dollars.

*At which time he would be 37.

I'm not beyond criticizing my favorite baseball team but let's be honest about it. If Nick Canepa had asked when the Padres were going to start locking-up its younger players (see Cameron Maybin) similar to the way the Tampa Bay Rays have done I'd probably be applauding him right here. Maybe mention Jonah Keri's The Extra 2% and how the Rays have found success with such strategies as did the Indians in the 1990s. And then mention that JOSH BYRNES WAS WITH THE INDIANS DURING THAT PERIOD OF TIME! YES! THE GUY IN THE PICTURE OF YOUR COLUMN!!!!

Canepa can't do this though. Perhaps the requisite research is above his pay-grade. Instead he gives us the same old arguments about the Padres when the reality is that the vast majority of teams can't keep players once they pass the threshold of super-stardom. These arguments, read by casual Padres fans, are then taken as gospel and repeated ad nauseum. The angry parishioners want answers and Canepa is their prophet. But they're receiving answers from someone who argues like a 12 year old*.

*From time to time I have the opportunity to work with 12 year-olds. These kids are fun but intellectually they aren't quite ready to put forth the effort to support their opinions -- because it requires work. Eventually they grow out of this condition. Well, most do.

As for Nick Canepa's question regarding why should Padres fans show up this season, I guess my answer would sound something like this: Because I love baseball?*

Absent gross malfeasance by the organization, isn't that reason enough?

*I could have also answered Canepa with more detail. More support of my opinions, if you will.

After the 2011 season he Padres added a bunch of pieces to a team in dire need of pieces and I'm curious to see the new formula in action. 

Under the tutelage of Darren Balsley, will Edinson Volquez return to the form that netted Josh Hamilton in a trade back in 2007? 

Will Yonder Alonso show the left-handed swing tauted as perfect for PETCO park? 

Will Cameron Maybin continue to show the abilities that have fans clamoring for a long term extension? 

Will Chase Headley and Tim Stuaffer continue to make strides forward?

Will Corey Leubke become a name known outside of San Diego? 

Does Carlos Quentin have a swing that plays in PETCO? Is he the anti-Ludwick?

Has the gutted bullpen been rebuilt because it's looking like there's some promise with Street, Cashner, and Boxberger? 

How many of the players from the number one system in Major League baseball (according to Keith Law), will make it to San Diego this summer? 

And I want to see the Padres beat up on the Dodgers, Giants, and Diamondbacks because Idisdain their existence.


I could come up with a few more intriguing questions/reasons but I'm at my threshold for words. Enjoy Fanfest if you're going tomorrow.

Gwynn Numbers: 184 in 1984

In 1984 Tony Gwynn hit .351/.410/.444 as the Padres advanced to the World Series.

His first batting title and a Padres run of success (also a first) led to a third place finish in the MVP race. Gwynn finished behind Ryne Sandberg, and Keith Hernandez that year, receiving 1 vote for 1st in and finishing with a total of 184 voting points. But this post is more about a baseball card.

Topps released this card in 1985 which of course featured Gwynn's vaunted '84 stats. As a youngster living elsewhere I recall staring at those numbers, as I did with all of my cards. Seeing the little diamond placed next to the .351 BA and thinking how elusive it sounded.

I also remember thinking that I wanted to look like Tony Gwynn. I wanted those flip-shades! I wanted to be an outfielder even though it meant, as a little-leaguer, a death sentence of boredom and in-action out in pastures of green. I just wanted to wear those flip-shades.

Nobody wears those cool flips anymore, instead opting for Oakleys and the like. I'm going to buy a pair and wear them to the bar. Yes . . . I'll be that guy.

A Comment On Scott Kaplan's Firing

Scott Kaplan was fired from XX1090 this afternoon for saying the following about Mountain West studio analyst, Andrea Lloyd:

“I think that she is currently a woman. I cannot confirm for you that she has been a woman her entire life. My guess is that at some point she had some form of surgery. Have you seen this chick?”

He also described her as a  “beast,” an “animal,” a “monster” and a “sasquatch of a woman.”

Many are focusing on the overt sexism of Kaplan's comments but it is the egregious dehumanization that offends me equally.

What makes these comments disheartening is that Scott Kaplan has a daughter (or 2?) as does his co-host Billy Ray Smith.

I can only imagine if my daughters were ever described in such a way. I'm pretty sure I would cry. And I don't think that's overreacting. Nor is it being overly sensitive. It's simply a matter of common decency. A sense of decency that is often absent when Scott Kaplan speaks about women or to women on the airwaves.

It is a difficult time to lose a job but in the end we are all accountable. As it should be.

African Proverbs: The Padres Front Office Edition

While using African proverbs to identify Orlando Hudson's numerous missteps in a Padres uniform I also found a few others to explain the happenings down on 19 Tony Gwynn Drive. They didn't quite fit with the discussion of San Diego's second baseman so here they are in a post teeming with optimism...

 

If your cornfield is far from your house, the birds will eat your corn. ~ Pygmy proverb

 

What better way to explain the Padres decision to move their AAA club from Portland to Tucson with the endgame being a subsequent move to the Escondido area. Alas, California is a mess and with no redevelopment money coming the Tucson Padres are stuck in-- well, Tucson. Currently it is unclear if the birds represent the dry desert air that destroys the minds of pitchers and the mechanics of hitters or if the Nippon-Ham Fighters have advanced scouts in place. We may need a Pygmy to solve this one.

 

One cannot both feast and become rich.  ~Ashanti proverb

 

This is clearly a proverb never considered by teams like the Yankees and Red Sox. They need not consider it because they live in another dimension. It's a fantasy world, one in which money does fall from trees. The Padres, on the other hand, face a far different plight. The San Diego club in many ways serves as a microcosm of the lifestyle most Americans must choose. Sacrifices must be made before rewards can be reaped. Slowly the Padres payroll is creeping upwards. Responsibly.

 

Blind belief is dangerous. ~ Luyia proverb

 

While blind belief is dangerous belief in and of itself is not. Belief accompanied by probing questions. Belief in the process. Belief in your people. Belief in the belief that "Believe SD" was a winning marketing slogan for an overachieving 2010 Padres team that played meaningful ballgames until game #162. What I'm saying is, that it's essential to believe in belief. Not blind belief, mind you. Just to be Big Believers In Belief. Ask Josh Byrnes.

 

A messenger cannot be beaten. ~ Luyia proverb

 

In 2009 Padres President and COO, Tom Garfinkel, proclaimed that San Diego was and forever shall be a Breakfast Town. This was not his message. He was merely the messenger for what Rolf Benirschke had conveyed to him over, conveniently, breakfast. While Garfinkel received a lambasting for the insinuation that he knew San Diego after such a brief tenure in town, something funny happened. We (I) decided that as lovers of breakfast perhaps San Diego is a breakfasttown. Now in the AJM household every Tuesday night is Breakfast for Dinner night and the omniscient Garfinkel sits back and smiles. While Mr. Garfinkel receives holiday cards from the Vocal Minority he sends his to the Luyia in Kenya. He took a beating and survived.

 

You do not teach the paths of the forest to an old gorilla. ~ Congolese proverb

 

In late 2011 and early 2012 two pivotal moments occurred for the Padres. They signed Mark Kotsay to serve as a bench player and as mentor to a young club in need of leadership. The experienced clubhouse gorilla, if you will. 

 

Then Jeff Moorad attended the Baseball Owners meeting to seek approval for the full purchase of the Padres from John Moores. He was publicly rebuked. Moorad took the news calmly even though that no good bastard Ken Kendrickson of the Diamondbacks was doing everything possible to block the purchase. While John Moores flipped out and refused to vote for Bud Selig's continued stewardship of MLB, Jeffrey Moorad continued to stay the course. Calmly. Moorad understands the path.

 

Stolen things bring in misfortune. ~Kenyan proverb

 

On November 13th of 2010 the Padres obtained Cameron Maybin for Ryan Webb and Edward Mujica. On rare occasions African wisdom must be rejected.

 

Two male hippos do not stay in the same pond. ~ Azania proverb

 

After acquiring Yonder Alonso in the Mat Latos trade Padres General Manager Josh Byrnes decides that he doesn't want a Quarterback Controversy at first base with Anthony Rizzo. Rizzo is shipped to Chicago on January 6th for Andrew Cashner.

 

Money is sharper than the sword. ~ Ashanti proverb

 

In early 2012 the Padres decided to make a concerted effort to accumulate more monetary reserves. The first step in this process was to return all swords for cash-- a controversial decision to be sure, as everyone knows that swords are cool. First the trade of Adrian Gonzalez and now the Padres' surplus of swords. Nobody said it would be easy as a Padres fan.

 

Armed with the wisdom of proverbs the San Diego Padres' pilgrimage into 2012 continues.

African Proverbs That Orlando Hudson Has Never Heard

 Rain beats a leopard's skin, but it does not wash out the spots ~The Ashanti of West Africa

 

Utilized as teaching tools, Proverbs act as tools for the oral transmission of culture from one generation to the next in parts of Africa. The above proverb immediately came to mind when I heard some commentary related to Padres second baseman Orlando Hudson yesterday . . .

 

Padres beat writer Bill Center conducts a chat each week on the UT website, fielding questions from fans. A couple of fellow fans (@thesacbunt and @vocalminoritySD) generally transcribe interesting parts of the chat via Twitter under the hashtag #sezBill.

From the Sac Bunt:

And also:

Orlando Hudson is 34 years old so I'm not holding my breath that a good rain beating down upon him will change who he is at a fundamental level. But I hope I'm wrong*.

*Only so we can trade him by July 31st.

 

I wondered if there were other proverbs that could retroactively help Orlando Hudson and discovered the following:

 

 Perhaps Orlando Hudson would have thought twice about insulting fans last spring after they voiced displeasure about the play of Brad Hawpe had he heard this one:

Do not tell the man carrying you that he stinks. ~Sierra Leone

Fans are the ones who watch television and attend games. They are the ones who make it possible for the Orlando Hudson's of the world to clear nearly $12 million dollars in 2 years. Accept the stink and revel in it,

 

Hudson was not the best fit in the clubhouse because he was never exposed to this truth:

A real family eats the same cornmeal. ~Bayombe

In Hudson's defense I'd bolt the clubhouse early too if Jeff Moorad was serving cornmeal as the after game spread.


Rekindling the fire at the age of 34, Orlando Hudson would do well to remember:

There is no medicine against old age. ~Accra

The nature of reality is impermanence. Buddha said that. If the Buddha could speak to the O-Dog he'd likely say, "You dyin' dog."

 

After throwing a ball into the stands with only two outs remember these two proverbs when speaking to reporters:

When your mouth stumbles, it's worse than feet. ~Oji

The teeth of a man serve as a fence. ~Wolof    

When your team is in last place and you exhibit the mental gaffe of the year DO NOT tell reporters you thought it was funny. It must be difficult to always be in self-censor mode but I advise the O-Dog to heed the collective wisdom of the Oji and Wolof.

 

If Orlando Hudson had the awareness of those in Kenya he may never have allowed someone else to speak on his behalf through Twitter:

The forest has ears. ~Kenya

Our modern day forest is Twitter and it has both ears and a zealous voice. I'd be remiss if I did not point out that without this transgression by Hudson we would have never heard the meme, #mowmylawn . . . so thank you, O-Dog.

 

Maybe Orlando Hudson will become a deep thinker during this off-season. It may or may not occur due to education by proverb.

Baseball Names: Cuba, communism, and the letter Y

I've always had a fascination with players whose parents opted for the 25th letter of the alphabet.
And I don't say this just because names like Yu and Yoenis have been sprinkled through the headlines of this hot stove season.

Seeing players with names like Yunel and Yuniesky run across the diamond simply brings me back to my childhood, a kinder and gentler time -- a time where Americans lived with the specter of mutually assured destruction hovering over them.

I embrace the strangeness of Latin American players with names that sound so . . . Russian. I embrace the Y.

So when Yonder Alonso and Yasmani Grandal arrived from Cincinnati in the Mat Latos deal I quipped that the Padres were building an army of players whose first names started with the letter "Y".  While this was what my gut told me was it reality or merely perception?

And then I read the U-T last week and my senses awoke further . . .

Bill Center of the UT reported:

The Padres have signed two minor league players while recently releasing 10 players from their system.

Both additions were formerly in the Padres system – center fielder Yordany Ramirez signed and infielder Anthony Contreras.

I looked at the name of Yordany Ramirez and thought, If there's a market for players whose first name begins with the letter Y, the Padres are surely trying to corner it.

 Are the Padres stockpiling this seemingly rare commodity? This a dangerous question to ask as it leads to exhaustive research. The recording and interpretation of the data found in this type of research is a process so time consuming one can only ask themselves, "Is this really worth it?"

The answer is obviously an emphatic, NO. But I did it anyways. Because I needed to know Y.

My findings took a turn towards the etymology of names and the psychology of those giving the names. It began at Baseball-Reference.com . . .

At the end of the 2011 season, according to Baseball-Reference.com, these were the individuals who were on MLB rosters who had a family given first name beginning with the letter Y:

Yonder Alonso (Padres) Cuba
Yhency Brazoban (D-Backs) Dominican Republic
Yunel Escobar (Blue Jays) Cuba
Yuniesky Betancourt (Brewers) Cuba
Yovani Gallardo (Brewers) Mexico
Yuniesky Maya (Nationals) Cuba
Yadier Molina (Cardinals) Puerto Rico
Yamaico Navarro (Royals) Dominican Republic
Yoshinori Tateyama (Rangers) Japan
Yorvit Torrealba (Rangers) Venezuela

That's a total of 10 players using the letter Y for their first name. With 30 teams and 25 players per Major League roster there are always 750 active players who have names at any given time -- that's just the way it works if you're someone other than Prince.*

*The Artist not the Fielder.

This means that less than 1.5% of all players claim the Y. This number will skyrocket to 1.6% when Yu Darvish takes the mound for the first time and Cuban defector Yoenis Cespedes signs a contract now that he has established residency in the Dominican Republic.

The Ten players in MLB were now recorded but I knew my research was unfinished. There were more Ys out there and I had to dig deeper.*

*This was a catastrophic mistake as I spent a surplus of my time sorting and recording the names of players who will never come close to seeing a MLB diamond. But I did it. And it can be seen [here].

So dig I did.

I found that the minor-leagues were full of Ys -- 126 Ys to be exact. The Ys in MLB hail from the Dominican Republic (71), Venezuela (24), Cuba (11), USA (5), Puerto Rico (4), Columbia (3), Japan (3), Brazil (1), Korea (1), Mexico (1), Panama (1), and Taiwan (1).

While 126 sounds sizable relative to the 10 on Major League rosters today it still only represents about 2% of all players under the control of MLB's 30 organizations. A large number of these Ys are also very young, kids of 17-18 years of age playing baseball in the Dominican Summer League. We're likely to never be graced with their presence on Yankee soil.

An army of Y

The Padres currently have 8 Ys under control (Yonder, Yoan, Yimmi, Yefri, Yorky, Yair, Yasmani, and Yordany). It's an impressive haul but not quite the army I had envisioned. The Padres tally falls behind the Pittsburgh Pirates (9) and the Kansas City Royals who lead the way with 10 Ys.

With he addition of Yu Darvish the Texas Rangers lead the way with 3 Ys on the Major League roster. But it is a curious combination of Ys that have been stockpiled in Arlington. With 92% of the Ys in MLB hailing from Latin America the Rangers plucked 4 out of 6 of their Ys from Asia.

Oppressors of Y

The White Sox, Orioles, Braves, Dodgers, Cardinals, Rockies, and Giants all host a meager 2 Ys each in their systems but it is the Red Sox and Angels who share a collective ignominy. The Red Sox have only 1 (Ynoel) and the Angels don't have an(y)*.

* Haha get it.

The most common Ys you'll find across minor league baseball are (with a wide array of spellings) Yimmy, Yonathan, Yovan, Yefri, Yunior, and Yorky.

The most unique* Ys are Yangervis, Yorfrank, Yacksel, Yeixon, Yucarybert, Yunerky and San Diego's very own, Yonder and Yasmani.

*Clearly this is a subjective statement. Go check out the list and be the judge yourself.

The truest dedication to Y can be found with these guys, who also received a Y middle name: Yonny Yoel Mosquera (Tigers) and Yimmi Yoel Brasoban (Padres).

Those born in America: Yazy Arbelo (D-Backs) United States-Florida, Yordy Cabrera (A's) United States-Florida, Yusef Carter (A's) United States- New York,  Yudelmis Hernandez (Blue Jays) United States-New Jersey. Three of the four players born in the U.S. are of Latin American decent which makes Yusef Carter* a rather unique Y in professional baseball.

*Yusef Carter is also the nephew of Joe Carter.

Those born in Cuba: Yonder Alonso (Padres), Yasmani Grandal (Padres),

Yimy Queipe-Rodriguez (Dodgers), Yaniel Cabezas (Cubs), Yunesky Sanchez (Pirates), Yuniesky Betancourt (Brewers), Yuniesky Maya (Nationals), Yadel Marti (A's) Cuba, Yem Prades (Royals) Cuba, Yunel Escobar (Blue Jays), Yadil Mujica (Yankees)

Why the letter Y?

The Cuban Ys have always interested me because  of the Russian influence on so many. We see it in MLB and on a grander scale on the Cuban national team itself.

We of a certain age all recall and understand the former relationship between Cuba and the Soviet Union and I equated the Russian influenced names (Yuniesky, Yulieski, Yuri) as a tribute to their benefactors. But was there something more to it?

Cuba's use of Y letter names was due to a few varying possibilities but I found that all were connected to either communism or the residue of imperialism.

The Bay of Pigs invasion and the Cuban Missile Crisis conjure memories of a dangerous Soviet Union lurking in America's backyard. This Russian presence would eventually lead to Cuban parents bequeathing a name to their child which was clearly influenced by Soviet military advisers.

As communism took hold in Cuba after the revolution in 1959 Fidel Castro began to fight wars on behalf of the Soviet Union in an effort to further spread communism. These proxy wars were often fought in third world countries in Africa. It is thought that the Cuban soldiers who fought often returned home and named their children African influenced names. Many began with the letter Y.

In trying to explain why so many Y names exist in Cuba and other Latin American countries, such as the Dominican Republic, it is theorized that perhaps the names chosen are a tacit rejection of the country's Spanish and Roman Catholic roots, as many of their residents are of African decent.

The explanation for the letter Y which I find most interesting however, is its use in countering oppression. When a nation adopts communism the individual's creative side is often subverted in the name of what is best for the state. In Cuba, citizens expressed their creativity in the safest way possible -- through the naming of their children. Cuba's creativity expressed through naming rights.

With all of the Ys populating the lower divisions of baseball, whether they be from Cuba, the Dominican Republic or someplace else, the following question must be asked: Who will actually make it to the Major League stage?

With all of the Ys identified perhaps a fine person will do the leg work to create a top ten (or eleven) prospect list featuring the letter Y. Until then we can all dream.