A Modest Proposal For Huston Street's 9th Inning Music

During Saturday's Fanfest at PETCO Park, Huston Street addressed his Closer's Music for 2012 while sitting on a forum panel moderated by Mud Grant. He said it would be a surprise. I have an opinion on this . . .

Since 1998 there have been two songs* San Diego Padres fans have heard in the 9th inning of a close game: Hells Bells for Trevor Hoffman and Heath Bell's Blow Me Away. Fourteen seasons with little variation, a remarkable feat.

*In 2003 Rod Beck took over for an injured Trevor Hoffman and saved 20 games. Who knows how Shooter would have rolled . . .

Is the discussion of entrance music frivolous? Yes. Am I going to write something about it regardless? Yes. Is my idea going to be more radical? Is it an election year?*

* Answering a question with a question is the way forward. Write that down . . .
When Huston Street was acquired by the San Diego Padres on December 7th, 2011 fans immediately chimed in with the obvious suggestions for 9th inning entrance music, most of which included the words Street or Streets referenced. But we don't need music from U2, The Cure, or the motion picture soundtrack to Annie*.

*I live in a household of females. Reserve judgement lest ye be judged yourself.

In my mind however, there's only one real song choice for Huston Street. I can't resist the idea that Street Fighting Man should be his music for the remainder of his time in San Diego.*

*A career which may or may not last past July 31st of this year.

But I wasn't talking about the Rolling Stones' Street Fighting Man. I much prefer a call to war: Rage Against The Machine's version of Street Fighting Man.

In 2000 RATM released Renegades, a collection of militant/anti-establishment/call-to-revolution type cover-songs. It featured a gritty, hard-edged Street Fighting Man that would subsequently be featured when ever someone wanted to show video footage of backyard revolution:

Whether this song played as the soundtrack  to Protestant and Catholic clashes in Northern Ireland or to the recent revolutions on the Arab Street the connotations were manifest: Rage!!!

Could this song get a moribund crowd to their feet during the 9th inning of a 2-1 game at PETCO?*

*Rhetorical question, you twit.

But Street Fighting Man is only one part of San Diego's 9th inning revolution, my good people.

While Huston Street charges out of the pen and begins his warm-up tosses there must be some sort of video montage projecting throughout the park. And since it's an election year I propose that the Padres focus on our current backyard revolution -- the battle against MLB to get ownership approved, specifically as it relates to current Arizona Diamondbacks owner Ken Kendricks and his vendetta against former partner and current Padres owner, Jeffrey Moorad.

I want a video montage with Samuel L. Jackson crushing snakes. I want to see video stills of Arizona Diamondbacks logos bursting into flames. There needs to be lots of fire! The city of Phoenix? Fire! Every place in the greater-Phoenix area should be ablaze with fire. A burning metropolis, one in which, only Peoria* survives the fury.

*The Seattle Mariners' locker room at the Peoria Sports Complex should burn to the ground.

Video stills of Ken Kendricks? He's the devil. He. Should. Be. ON. FIRE! Kendricks should have protruding horns from his ample forehead. And be holding a pitch fork! And he should be . . . on fire!!! There should be Molotov cocktails soaring through the air with Chase Field set in a fiery background. Chase Field's fate? Burned to the ground! This revolution shall be televised! Yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Kevin Towers and Sean Burroughs? Horns. Pitchforks. Fire!!! The literal bonds between the organizations of Arizona and San Diego . . . MUST BURN*!

*We will spare former Kearney Komet, Alan Trammel.

The video shall end with Jeff Moorad and Tom Garfinkel standing on the cliffs of Torrey Pines bellowing, "We are the San Diego Padres. And we approve of this message."

In summation: Rage Against The Machine's Street Fighting Man, Samuel L. Jackson, dying snakes, fire, connotations of devils, and more fire.

Good luck to Huston Street and the 2012 San Diego Padres.