Deciphering a Darren Smith Conversation with Adrian Gonzalez, robot

Yesterday, Darren Smith of XX1090 spoke with Adrian Gonzalez -- native San Diegan and new first baseman for the Los Angeles Dodgers. The interview was insightful on varied levels.

As a dedicated listener to Darren's show, I always marvel at his capabilities as an interviewer. Darren provided a comfortable setting for Adrian to open up to his hometown of San Diego about his time in Boston, putting on the uniform of the enemy in LA, and persisting through the modern world as a robot.


DARREN SMITH: Adrian, as always, a pleasure. Thank you very much for a few minutes

ADRIAN GONZALEZ: Hey. Darren. How are. You. Doing.

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DS: Have you got use to that yet? Adrian Gonzalez the first baseman for the LA Dodgers?

AG: Yeah. As much. As. You. Can get. Used. To. That's. For Sure. The minute I. Heard. I. Was. Traded. I'm. Used. To. It. As. An. Artificial. Life. Form. I have. The ability. To adapt. More Readily. than my human. Counterparts.

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DS: I was gonna say, 'Hey, congratulations or I was gonna say 'Hey man, I'm sorry it didn't work out.' What do you say to somebody like yourself in this situation?

AG: No. Congratulations. I. Mean. You. Know. We didn't win. Like what. Was. Expected. Of us in. Boston. But. The. Fact. That I. Don't think you can. Say. It. Didn't turn out. Or work out. Again. I am. Showing my. Abilities. As a 21st century. Machine. To Adapt is my. Primary function. Artificial. Intelligence can. Do this. Have you. Seen. The Incredibles?

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DS: When did you first start hearing about the rumors about the possibility and when did you think it was going to become a reality?

AG: Um. Yeah. I mean. Friday. Same thing as. You. Guys. As. Artificial Intelligence. I am not yet. Equipped. To analyze. Predictive models. I. Was surprised. As surprised. As. A. Robot Can. Be.

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DS: How surprised are you when you hear this, especially at the tail end of the month of August?

AG: Yeah. No. It's. Definitely. Surprising. The. Day. Before. That. On. Thursday. I. Never would. Have thought. Of it. As I. Mentioned previously. Despite. My. Programming. I was. Surprised. By. Robot. Standards. Anyways.

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DS: Could you describe what the experience was like in Boston? I know it's a tough thing to ask and it's a tough thing to answer in 60 seconds or so, but overall, what was the experience like playing for the Red Sox?

AG: It was. A great. Experience. The. Fans. Were. Awesome. The Atmosphere at the. Ball. Park. Playing on the. Road. The. Whole. Red Sox Nation. They were all. Incredible. But. As a. CV-1000 model. Artificial. Human. I don't perform well. At. The. Particular. Line of latitude. Where Boston. Resides. Look at my. History. I have been. The property of. Florida. Texas. And. San. Diego. My. Circuitry. Is best suited. For. Sustainability in. Southern climes. This is really just. Robot 101.

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DS: Was there anything that you didn't like about it? Was there anything that really didn't seem like a good fit for you?

AG: No. I mean. Personally. I had a. Great. Time. I loved my. Teammates. Except for. Josh. Beckett. He put. Chicken grease. In. My. USB. And airports. Which drastically. Reduced my power. Capabilities. Ironically. The Dodgers acquired. Beckett. As well as a machine. With artificial. Intelligence. I am. Surprisingly. Adept at detecting. Irony. Humans make. Strange choices. When. Large. Amounts. Of. Money. Are at. Their disposal.

 

laughing alien hyenas

DS: Did you take a good look at yourself in that Dodger uniform and what did you think when you put on that Dodger blue?

AG: Oh man. I was so. Excited. Of course. This is a contrived. Response. Written by my. Programmer. While I am in. A. Constant. State. Of evolution. Emotion is still. Very. Difficult. To grasp.

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DS: Is it weird in any capacity that you do grow up in this area, knowing what the Dodgers mean to this fan base, was that at all bizarre for you, whatsoever, to think about that?

AG: Well I. Mean. You know. It's. We. Uh. Grow. Up. As. A. Fan. And. But. When you get. Into. This business. And you. Play. The. Game. You realize that. The thing that. Matters. Is. Playing to. Win . . . Again. This is. A Difficult question. The circuitry sequencing. In. My. Power Cortex. Does not. Discern. Geographic irregularities. As long. As. Weather. Patterns. Remain constant.

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DS: When you were a kid (robot) though, growing up here as a Padre fan, what did you think about the Dodgers?

AG: Fernando.Valenzuela. Played. For. The Dodgers. So you always. Follow Fernando. And you. Know. It's the Padres' rival. So. It's. Always. Exciting. While I was. Very. Young. When. Fernandomania. Was. At it's peak. My. Advanced. Processing. Capabilities. Allowed. Me. To understand what. Many humans. Refer to. As. A Phenomenon. My search capabilities. Also indicate. That. Fernando. Played. For. The. Padres. During the. 95-96. Seasons. Padres fans. Should. Love. The Dodgers. I look forward. To their. Adulation when. I return. To. San Diego.

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DS: So, you never went to Qualcomm Stadium and booed the Dodgers when they would come to town?

AG: Um. You know. I was a. Kid. I mean robot. You. Just go. Watch. Baseball.

 

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Go to XX1090 to listen to the rest of Darren's excellent interview with Adrian Gonzalez, robot. 

The Friday Rumor Mill

If you live in Cox country you are presented with a not-so-unique opportunity tonight. At 5:30 PM you can turn on Padres POV prior to the start of the game in Arizona and have a beer with Bob Chandler, RJ's Fro, and myself.

The Fox program filmed us last month during a Padres and Pints episode we had scheduled with Chandler, the great Padres play-by-play man.

Tune in and watch it. Maybe we'll get invited back like Harry the Heckler who is fast becoming as familiar on FSSD as an SNL show hosted by Alec Baldwin or Tom Hanks.

***
Rumor: Adrian Gonzalez is on his way to the Dodgers.
Truth: The Red Sox put AG on waivers and the Dodgers claimed him. This should be interesting moving forward.

Rumor: People think that the Padres wearing blue uniforms is a stroke of genius.
Truth: Bring back the brown, baby.

Rumor: Jed Gyorko will be in San Diego when rosters expand in September.
Truth: Jed Gyorko will be in San DIego when rosters expand in September. Or he won't.

Rumor: I'm 6'3".
Truth: Measurements indicate that I am actually 6'2 1/4" despite generally telling people I'm a shade under 6'2". No links will be provided.

Mendoza Line blogging

The most difficult thing about blogging is to produce quality posts with frequency. It's not easy. Having said that,  I really have no idea what I'm batting using the aforementioned criteria. I'm certain that I'm above the Mendoza Line but for all I know I might just be the 2011 version of Ryan Ludwick. Maybe the 2012 version of Cameron Maybin? Maybin did go 4 for 5 yesterday  . . . I might be pumping myself up a bit much.

The easiest thing about blogging is to have an opinion: We all have one. We want these opinions to be heard because for some inexplicable reason sports mean a great deal to us. Whether these thoughts are expressed over beers with our buddies or through an avenue such as this one right here, we want to be heard. Sometimes in our zeal to express opinions we don't take the time to gather vital information that can illuminate the context of a given situation. By "we", I mean "me".

Last week I was writing a piece about Adrian Gonzalez and the drama unfolding in Boston. I tried to ask some folks who've been closer to A-Gon over the years for some opinions on the matter. At the time I was more interested in hitting the publish button than incorporating any possible dissenting opinions to the post in question. Ultimately I clicked the publish button before any outside thoughts returned to me.

I still have the opinion that Adrian Gonzalez could have displayed better leadership skills at points during his career in San Diego but I don't know that it's fair that I go-off on the guy. What the hell do I know? Without divulging anything that I was told in confidence, it certainly sounds like Boston is a miserable place to be right now.

I enjoyed Adrian's time in San Diego and I still wear a jersey with his surname stitched on the back*. I wish him the best of luck moving forward.

*This particular jersey has far more issues than the fact it is carrying Adrian Gonzalez' name on the back of it... it's a 2009 replica jersey. And it's freaking blue!

Adrian Gonzalez stages a coup - I laughed and you can too!

The current MLB story capturing headlines here, here, and here is the dysfunction within the Boston Red Sox organization and the role of Adrian Gonzalez in said dysfunction. I offered a couple of opinions via twitter:

I find the whole Red Adrian-Gonzalez-Bobby-Valentine-Red-Sox-Implosion to be so satisfying. I don't root for failure but this is pretty cool
— Avenging Jack Murphy (@AvengingJM) August 15, 2012

Many bosses are dicks. But you put your nose to the grindstone and you work -- it's what you're FUCKING paid to do!. #redsox #adriangonzalez
— Avenging Jack Murphy (@AvengingJM) August 15, 2012

Some people wondered why Padres fans even care about Adrian Gonzalez. Others commented on our wickedness as we reveled in the failures of others. I was prepared to have some good ol' fashioned fun at the expense of all those who've failed and had mocking fingers pointed at them. This post was going to be an apology letter of sorts: An apology to all the people/organizations I've ever thoroughly enjoyed seeing fail.


I'd begin with the fall of Kenneth Lay in the aftermath of the Enron scandal and then move on to Osama Bin Laden's body guards on that fateful night in Pakistan. I mean that shit made me real happy. But Adrian Gonzalez isn't evil. And some folks don't have keen senses of humor. The former Padres first baseman doesn't deserve to be lumped in with the likes of the above scumbags. What then does Adrian Gonzalez deserve, if anything at all?

Let's begin with my perception of Adrian Gonzalez. I loved Adrian's swing, enough so, that I bought a jersey with his name on the back*. I'm a baseball fan and I enjoyed watching the guy play baseball, honing his craft in our very own backyard. I even enjoyed watching him do it in Boston last year. But I also find Adrian Gonzalez terribly dull. A lack of charisma however, is hardly a crime.

*As I acquire years of service time as part of the human race, years of service that surpass a good many active ballplayers, it may be I who is guilty of the crime. Let's discuss this another time.

I also don't think much of Adrian Gonzalez as a leader. My perception is shaped by his many complaints about PETCO Park's dimensions and his comments to a Chicago reporter when the Padres were in the midst of their epic 2010 collapse.

In regards to the park complaints I think a leader would keep his mouth shut. If a naturally gifted hitter like Adrian complains about the park what does it say to the other players on the team? Does it not embolden them to complain also? I understand that PETCO is a frustrating place to play but a leader would lead. As Tom Hanks famously said in Saving Private Ryan: "Gripes go up. Not down." Leaders quietly take it to management. They don't grumble to the press or to others in the clubhouse.

In September of 2010, as the Padres spun out of control and gave up an insurmountable lead to the San Francisco Giants, a reporter from Chicago asked Adrian about playing for the Cubs in the windy city one day. During a pennant race, Adrian made the error of entertaining the question. The more appropriate response: Be yourself . . . be dull! But Adrian couldn't resist responding. Adrian wanted to be in the big market where the dollars were plentiful, and his baseball numbers weren't diminished by a cavernous ballpark. Maybe those desires are fair. They are certainly not valid concerns when competing for a championship though.

Speaking of fairness: Am I being unfair? I very well may be unfair in my assessment but in issues of perception fairness rarely counts. Adrian Gonzalez may have performed 100 acts that demonstrated amazing leadership and set the best example possible for younger Padres -- but I don't recall any of them. What I do remember is the two accounts described above. Those incidents shape my perception and consequently those perceptions become reality.

Adrian Gonzalez spent his last years in San Diego playing for Bud Black, the consummate player's manager. He then moved on to Boston where he played under the stewardship of Terry Francona, another reputed player's manager. Adrian had praise heaped upon him by national media and he was rewarded with over $150M by the Boston Red Sox. Things were going well. And then only a year after the 2010 Padres collapse the Red Sox unraveled too. As the season ended Adrian would go on to complain about playing nationally televised games on Sunday nights and the travel demands those games entailed. He would also opt to attribute the Red Sox failure to God rather than accepting accountability.

Now as news spreads that it was Adrian Gonzalez who organized what amounts to a coup I like the guy a little bit less. I look at him and the Boston predicament and I shake my head. I shake my head at a guy who earns $21M a year and uses that clout to organize an effort to get the manager of a very fractured clubhouse dismissed. By all accounts, Bobby Valentine is a complete dick, but such are the perils of employment where we we often have little choice but to shut our mouths and put the nose to the grindstone. But apparently Adrian Gonzalez disagrees. And now he's just a lunatic trying to run the asylum.

***
These aren't sour grapes from a Padres fan who no longer has the lefty's production but the opinions of a baseball fan in general. Because Adrian was here from 2006-2010 I feel like I can give a qualified opinion. Do I wish failure for Adrian Gonzalez? Absolutely not. I always want to see local guys do well no matter where they play. His baseball abilities are phenomenal to watch. Perhaps my expectations of him as a leader are too much but I think that at a rate of $21M a year it's an intangible that should be part of the multi-million dollar package.

Media: All-Star Break shenanigans with Dan Shaughnessy's column of DOOM!

Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe tends to go overboard with everything. Hell, he's the guy who wrote The Curse of the Bambino! Personally, I like Dan Shaughnessy for entertainment value. I'm sure I'd hate him if I were a Red Sox fan -- but I'm not, so the relationship is just fine.

This morning, Dan Shaughnessy fired out a tweet with a link to his latest column titled, What happened to the Red Sox?, and I knew it would be too good to pass up. It was certain to be rife with Mayan prophecy and criticism of Adrian Gonzalez which I never fail to find interesting.

Let's have some fun with Dan Shaughnessy's doom and gloom . . .


 The Red Sox are a trainwreck [sic].

There is no better train-wreck in cinematic history than the one given to us by the creators of The Fugitive with Harrison Ford and Tommy Lee Jones. Actually I can't substantiate that claim. Fugitive was the first film with a train-wreck to pop into my head. It occurred in Chicago. Not Boston. But Tommy Lee Jones went to Harvard . . . which really doesn't matter.

It’s about the third-highest payroll in baseball and not a single playoff game victory since 2008.

The precise date of the Red Sox last win was October 18th, 2008. On this date Nickleback had the only "rock" song in the Billboard 100. This does not make the Red Sox "Nickleback sympathizers" and lovers of all that is douchey in music . . . unless we pretend it does.

It’s about a franchise that has become a parody of itself, led by an ownership group that has lost all sense of accountability.  

I fackin' love parodies and yar outta yar fackin' tree if you don't appreciate a gawd damn pissah of a parody about ow-a Sawx. Accountability. Fackin accountability!

The last-place Red Sox are 43-43 at the All-Star break.

Wait a minute. Doom and gloom over a .500 record at the All-Star break? What the fuck is wrong with Shaughnessy?

Josh Beckett and Jon Lester should be embarrassed. They have come back from the disgrace of September 2011 and done almost nothing.  

I will cut these guys some slack/ Until we bring beer and fried chicken buckets back! And Josh Beckett won the last Red Sox playoff game on October 18th, 2008. Hello? Nickleback?!

Adrian Gonzalez? Six homers at the break. An OBP of .329, with 64 strikeouts and only 23 walks? All this for the bargain price of $154 million? Gonzo has been part of two of the worst collapses in hardball history over the last two Septembers and I’m beginning to think this is not bad luck.

Oh, Adrian. Mopey Adrian. The idea of pinning two September collapses on Adrian Gonzalez is patently absurd. But far be it from me to stop Dan Shaughnessy from doing it. This is what I came for, Dan. Thanks for delivering.

Now Crawford tells us that he eventually will need surgery on the ulnar collateral ligament in his throwing elbow.

Now it's elbow issues for Carl Crawford? I bet he wants to shoot himself in the face over all of these injuries.

Why wait? This is a lost season and it’s not like Carl had any impact last year. There’s no sense rushing to get back to hop aboard this southbound train.

The second best train-wreck in cinematic history occurs in M. Night Shyamalan's Unbreakable. I can't substantiate this either I just really liked the film. And it popped into my head second.

Excellent work bringing the train metaphor full circle. Around the train-track of life. So to speak.

Happy All-Star break.

Poll Question: A Developing/Annoying Trend At PETCO

I'm noticing a trend at the park. It's annoying. But it's also probably not worth getting too worked up about. But it is annoying. It's like....

.... I don't know. Help me. Give me an awesome simile to plug in there. Read below first and then give me the simile.


I think it's safe to say that most people don't care to see Red Sox jerseys during a Padres v. Giants/ Dodgers/ Nationals game. But what about the Adrian Gonzalez Red Sox jerseys that we're seeing with greater frequency at our home park?

I get it if you are an Adrian Gonzalez fan. And I suppose if you wanted to buy his Boston jersey to show your continued support of him then I understand. But why wear it to PETCO Park in a game that Adrian Gonzalez is not featured. He hated Petco Park.

It's just annoying. I wish I could be more descriptive. More eloquent. More concise. Well, I guess I am being concise. It's just annoying.

Vote your thoughts:

Why Boston is so annoying...

In anticipation of the Padres/Red Sox series beginning this afternoon, I found this gem while perusing the Boston Globe:

"Gonzalez’s MVP-caliber start (.348 average, 64 RBIs, 101 hits, and 42 extra-base hits through 71 games) has done a lot to show the Padres what they traded away."

I know what the Padres traded away in Adrian Gonzalez so I'm pretty sure that Jed Hoyer and the Padres had an inkling as well. Did anyone believe that Adrian would go to a hitter friendly park like Fenway and NOT rake?

Boston: Annoyance

Trying to remember the 2010 San Diego Padres: Game 5 (clowns on the field... twice)

You have entered a site engaged in a highly complex experiment... an experiment designed to test the parameters of my mind... and to be truthful... I'm feelin'... golden.

If you were at this game all by your lonesome say hello in the comments section. To do otherwise would be anti-social, a behavior we cannot tolerate. The tree is falling in the woods... prove that it makes a sound.

For further series explanation [go here]

GAME 5 of 18
May 17th, 2010
Padres v Giants @Petco Park
(Monday/Park Pass)

WHAT I THINK I KNOW...

I went to this game with my brother and his fiance on park passes. Our goal was to sneak down to some Field Reserved seats since it was a Monday night and the Padres still lacked Believers... not that it would change drastically in the coming months. The Brother and Missus were successful in their attempts to hijack Jeffrey Moorad's seats. I failed.

***
I watched the game from behind the plate in the standing room area. This is a fantastic spot to watch a game. A great perspective exists for everything but a view of the Jumbo tron in LF. Not a big deal but I like replays and examining player slash lines and numbers.

I stood next to a Giants fan and his girlfriend. She was very attractive and I could only think to myself, "Boy, did this fella in orange do well for himself." By year's end he could claim both the girl and a championship... a life complete! But on that night we talked baseball with special mention of the Padres recent dominance of his Giants. I would have the last laugh... that night anyways.

***
The Padres won this game. I believe the hard luck loser for SF was Matt Cain as always. I think he pitched well giving up but a couple runs. Final score of 3-1, perhaps? The method of scoring is mysterious to me.

***
Heath Bell raced in from the bullpen to Breaking Benjamin's Blow Me Away and proceeded to get his mind blown... by TWO SEPARATE incidents of clowns jumping on to the field to disrupt the game in the 9th inning. The second incident was especially memorable because the crowd dutifully began chanting, "Tase him, Tase him, Tase him." It's a unique moment when the laid back denizens of San Diego begin to beg for a fellow human being to get the taser treatment from security. I loved it. I could tell that Heath was bothered by the events, his delicate rhythm as a closer being disrupted. Ultimately the Giants got him for a run before shutting the door (I think).

***
Memorable moment: this was the game where Chris Denorfia got his first AB as a Padre. He would drive a single to CF to the right side of the second base bag and then steal second (maybe). Back to the hit... it was only a single... but it had that thunderous crack that resonates through a park leaving an indelible mark on your mind. A mere single. I liked Denorfia from that moment forward.

Source: The memory of clowns on a field... and a ticket stub.

RESEARCH SAYS...

Yes! I was correct. The final score was a 3-1 victory for the Padres. Clayton Richard got the win, improving his record to 3-2. Richard pitched 7 innings, surrendering 1 run on 3 hits. He walked 3 and K'd 5.

Matt Cain was the loser. He dropped to 2-3 on the season. Cain only gave up 2 runs but he walked 5. C'mon fella!

***
Heath Bell got the save, his 11th in 13 opportunities. I was wrong about him giving up a run though. He did give up a hit and struck out 2. I was correct about the clowns on the field... I guess the inning was so long it altered my memory.

***

Adrian Gonzalez put the Padres ahead in the 1st on a towering blast to dead CF. It was his 8th of the year. He was 1 for 2 (HR/ 1 RBI/ 1 Run) with two walks.

***
The go ahead (and winning) run came in the 5th when Chase Headley knocked a single to RF plating David Eckstein. An insurance run was tacked on in the 7th when Kyle Blanks was HBP resulting in the third run by... that man David Eckstein.

***
Attendance: 20, 558. I guess that's decent for a Monday night game in May....

NOTABLE OMISSIONS...

No GAB (Gregerson/Adams/Bell) during this game but there was an AB sighting. I prefer this anyway. I think a starter should work at least 7 innings... preserve the 'pen a bit and leave yourself with more options when needed. Adams (8th) and Bell (9th) is preferable if it means the starter went 7 innings. There will always be work for Luke Gregerson.

***
This win over the Giants was a big one as the Padres had just been swept by the Dodgers over the weekend at Petco. The Padres brought their season tally to 7-0 against the Giants and 11-3 dating back to 2009. Surprisingly, with a chance to move to 8-0 the following night, Latos couldn't get the win. He was on track however, until the wheels fell off in the 8th and the Padres lost in 12 innings.

***
Chase Headley was hitting clean-up with an OPS (.723) lower than #2 hitter David Eckstein (.724). In the bottom of the eighth, with Chris Denorfia on 3rd (I was wrong... no SB for Deno... he was sacrificed and advance on a ground-out) the Giants opted to walk AGon to get to Chase Headley. Chase couldn't pick up the runner and popped out to RF.

No more of those sign graphics. Fun while they lasted.

***
The Giants outfield on May 17th (Andres Torres, Aaron Rowand, Nate Schierholtz) was significantly different than the one that logged the majority of innings during the Division clinching game on October 3rd (Pat Burrel and (PH) Cody Ross / Andres Torres/ Jose Guillen and (PH) Nate Schierholz)

***
Juan Uribe struck out 3 times which I enjoyed. Because he's a fat shortstop. My mind is engineered to hate fat middle infielders who swing out of their shoes. Sue me. Enjoy LA, fat fella.

Source: Baseball Reference and Padres.com

LASTING IMPRESSIONS...

It was fun beating up on the Giants but clearly they were a different looking team come October. By that time they were playing us more competitively... and then they won the World Series.

***
I've seen Matt Cain pitch a lot and he always pitches well... and he always loses. It's great. I think my Cain winning streak dates back to this memorable game. Watch it here.

***
I'm perfectly fine watching a game by myself. I am secure.

***
That's 5 games in the books and the Padres are 3-0 (Storm 1-1). Winners are grinners.

Thirteen to go!

Stuff the Padres and I have acquired this winter

This Padres off-season has been a winter roller coaster.

The euphoria of acquiring a high ceiling talent like Cameron Maybin diminished when Adrian Gonzalez, the talented anchor of the infield, was shipped off to Boston for unknown quantities in the form of prospects.

Not one of these players is ready to contribute to a team that won 90 games in 2010.

"Allegedly" players like Casey Kelly and Anthony Rizzo will arrive sooner than later... this is soothing.

While Hope for 2011 took a backseat to it's bastard cousin Despair something quite rare happened in the last few weeks... Hope returned! Yes, hope reemerged when Jed Hoyer went and grabbed Jason Bartlett and Orlando Hudson to shore up the middle infield while simultaneously bolstering the top of the line-up card.

Now the only question that remains; who will Jed plug into first base before Kyle Blanks (injury) or Anthony Rizzo (youth) become viable options?

Derek Lee? Adam LaRoche? Troy Glaus? Joe Randa*?

I don't know the answer. I can't even say which player I prefer.  I can only speak to that which I have knowledge... and that's the stuff that I picked up this winter. 

This post starts NOW!
(click "Read More" to continue)

In 2005 I turned on the television to watch 60 Minutes. A segment on American soccer goalkeeper Tim Howard would explore his trials and tribulations as an athlete (both with Manchester United and the US National Team) living with Tourette's Syndrome. It was interesting and touching and.... now to my point.

Tim Howard was wearing this San Diego Padres track jacket by Majestic during his interview with Steve Croft:

I know; it's awesome.

I probably should have been looking for a way to contribute to a TS foundation but I was too overwhelmed by that jacket. Like so many things that are AWESOME, it overtook my will and would consume nearly the next 6 years of my life.

I looked everywhere for this jacket----The MLB Shop/On-line stores/Craig's List/ E-Bay.

I searched them all, finding variations of what I desired, but never the exact retro-track jacket I saw that evening on 60 Minutes. I began to ask myself if the jacket even existed. Was this a memory conjured up out of thin air? I searched for 60 Minutes footage of the Tim Howard interview and it was edited... showing nothing Padres of the sort.

I'm from New Jersey... why on earth would I be wearing a brown Padres Track Jacket, you ass-hat?

Time passed and on occasion I would see a fan at the park adorned with my white whale. The image would leave me frozen unable to muster the nerve to ask where they had purchased such beatific brown. The resulting debilitation also kept me from an attempted assault and burglary. The latter effect of my paralysis proved fortuitous....

For, in late November of 2010 I found my white whale on E-Bay for an absurdly low price of $14.99.

I would not fall like Ahab... this jacket would be mine!

The Missus, having witnessed my pain over the years, gave the green-light for an early Christmas present so I bid. And then I waited. For four days.

Nearly a month has passed and if you've seen a guy wearing that jacket around town, it was probably me. I wear it all the time. Inexplicably, I wear my "Brown-Majestic-Faux-Retro-Circa 2005- Padres Track-Jacket" even on occasions where my dress attire suggests that it's DEFINITELY NOT a day to present myself casually. I don't care. I won't apologize.

Go Padres.

*At this URL,  every question has a bold and definitive answer... it is delivered in the form of the human known as Joe Randa.

National MLB Writer Enjoys The Laughter Elicited By San Diego's Padres

With the Brewers current standing in the NL Central (seven games back),  Fox writer Ken Rosenthal discusses the possibility of GM Doug Melvin dealing Prince Fielder. Among a couple of complications in a deal for Fielder, Rosenthal puts his main focus on the potential availability of another power hitting first baseman. Rosenthal writes:

First base, at least at this point, is not an obvious need for most contenders -- and the 16-9 Padres, still could trade first baseman Adrian Gonzalez if they fail to, ahem, run away with the NL West. 

 First off, I think Ken Rosenthal is a bit of a dick. You only need to read the insertion of "ahem" into the above line to arrive at that view (those who disagree...LEAVE NOW!)

As that is my opinion, please don't take this post as some sort of grand indignation I've concocted in reaction to being disrespected as a fan of the Padres. I'm not surprised that Rosenthal would take this view in any way because not only is he a dick...he's a stupid dick.
MY POINT:
Do the Padres need to "run away with the NL West" in order to keep Adrian? I think that just being in contention at the trade deadline would do the trick (it's not like Adrian would pass through waivers later in the season with a salary under $5 million). Lazy sports writer.

Sweet. We're in agreement then.....Ken Rosenthal is a dick and an uninformed one at that.

Game 2: The last time I saw Chris Young pitch I tried to break Wade Boggs' record for beers consumed on a trip

Hey, the Padres won 6-3, placing them on the statistical fast track to an 81-81 season. That's .500 ball in the vernacular of the National Past Time.

Chris Young looked fantastic, which brings me to........ the last time I saw him play.

My buddy Al and I decided to go up to Anaheim to see the Padres play last summer during the inter-league schedule. Thought it would be good stuff as we'd never been to the Big A before and it would be an opportunity to ride the train, which is never dull. At that time the ol' legend of Wade Boggs' drinking prowess had crept forward from the recesses of my mind......you know the  legend don't you? It's been estimated by teammates of Wade Boggs that he had drank more than 50 cans of Miller Lite on a cross country commute to Seattle. Al and I figured we'd give the Chicken man a run for his money.......didn't work out that well........just had to pee a lot. What does this have to do with game #2 in 2010? Well....



That particular game was the last time that Chris Young had taken the mound before being sidelined for the duration of 2009. Let me tell you, CY was horrific. Just terrible. Had never seen him pitch so poorly and frankly I wanted a refund......from CY!!! I thought he should have paid me for the disgrace and my time and effort. After I found out his shoulder was injured in a bad way, about 64% of me felt like a d*ck.

Anyways.....he looked awesome tonight, and that's what matters. When you can bamboozle batters with an 86 mph fastball, the Gods are on your side. Padres. God. Was there any question? Let us move on.....

I've been jocking Everth Cabrera hard. He's "the straw that stirs the drink" and any other bit of hyperbole I can toss at the kid. But was I right? He goes 3 for 4 with a 2B, 3B, SB and 4 RBI. Hey, Bud Black! ECab should be hitting leadoff not eighth.

Chase Headley is looking good at the plate. He was 2 for 4 when he crushed a looooooong F8 in the 9th. I'm encouraged.

I have also jocked Will Venable in a big way......and he hit his first homerun.

Adrian Gonzalez is on a torrid pace after hitting his second home run in as many games. I suck at math sometimes......what's his current pace?
[Box Score]

Donate: Park View Little League

Our little group of Mashers and Bashers from Chula Vista dismantled the Great Lakes representative 15-0 tonight.....it was impressive. Before the game started ESPN asked each little leaguer who his favorite player was and it was refreshing to hear the vast majority say Adrian Gonzalez. It was very cool to see these young kids taking pride in someone from San Diego and currently representing the San Diego Padres.

Anyways.....it's a fairly expensive trip for the families to take and the longer Park View stays alive (they'll win it.....that's not like jinxing a no-no is it?) the more costly the trip becomes.

Fortunately we San Diegans are in a position to help these families by making a donation, an amount of your choosing via this link: Realizing a Dream

Park View Little League [Home page]

2003 Trades and 2009 Trades: A Common Thread

I've been thinking about the 2003 season a lot lately. Not so much the glory that was the Yankees losing another World Series. Nor was it the unfortunate Cubs collapse coupled with the Steve Bartman fall out. What I've been focusing on is a mid season trade that bolstered a certain team's playoff run. The trade in mind left me with one simple question at the time: "Whuuuut?"

In July of 2003 there was a team that sat 4 1/2 games back in the Wild Card race and felt they needed to make a move to position themselves for a run. Their team was built to win NOW with a nice mix of veteran ballplayers......pricey veteran ballplayers. This team's particular need was a closer so they put together a package to go get one. To get an elite closer the contending team offered up the following three players: an OF, a LHP, and a 1b. The trade partner agreed and sent the closer traveling eastward along with some cash to offset the pricey reliever's contract.

Now back in 2003 what gave me pause, forcing me to question, "Whuuuut?"?

The 1b that was a part of the deal was the overall #1 draft pick from the 2000 amateur draft: a local kid: the San Diego Padres' Adrian Gonzalez. I was in awe......how could his team give up on their #1 pick only three years later? Well his team was the Florida Marlins and I guess their front office was on to something because the closer, Ugueth Urbina, seemed to be the missing ingredient in helping the Florida Marlins to win the Wild card, defeat the heavily favored Cubs, and then the vaunted payroll of the New York Yankees in the World Series.

Florida certainly wouldn't redo their own trade that sent Gonzalez to Texas. Urbina eventually assumed the Marlins closer role and -- reunited with Pudge -- won three games, saved six, and posted a 1.41 ERA to help them get to the postseason. He then recorded four saves in the playoffs, including two in the World Series.

Why have I been thinking about this? Well there is no secret that the Padres not only stink but that the likelihood of them stinking will probably last for at least three more seasons (give or take a lifetime). It is also no secret that the Padres have virtually no trade chips that are major league ready.......by the standards of a contending club......and that could also bring the Padres some significant building blocks for the future. Do the Padres even have trade-able parts?

Jake Peavy is injured and had a no-trade clause anyways. Adrian Gonzalez, who's value brought a WS to south Florida, could bring a significant haul but a deal such as that could be debilitating for the Padres: he's a local icon with inroads to the Mexican market and probably most importantly he's the sort of star who could provide a Hall of Fame worthy career....or at least worthy of a statue next to Tony's which would give additional identity to an organization that seems to lack one. Kevin Kouzmanoff will probably ship out in the next couple of weeks but the only real benefit there will we the opportunity for Chase Headley into his natural position of 3b. Which leaves us with the most attractive trade chip..... with the caveat that there is a team out there in dire need of it. The " it" I speak of.....a closer.

Heath Bell makes 1.255 million per season. That's an attractive number for a team adding payroll mid year. While Heath Bell is an exciting player (on the rare occasion we hold a lead late in a game) and brings a refreshing dose of honesty (he says some of the craziest shit I've ever heard on the radio---sometimes it's fun to just shake your head in disbelief though) rather than the customary cliches we've become so accustomed to. There is currently an enormous paradox being ignored regarding these Padres though:

If the Padres rarely hold a lead entering the 9th inning and the expected outcome shall remain the same for the foreseeable future....why use financial resources on an unused human resource?

And he's 31 years old. I don't think that necessarily means his power arm is on the verge of injury although he does strike me as the sort of guy who could injure his arm falling out of a tree while playing with his kids. Heath Bell has value...he's a Great closer...and he could help further along the rebuilding process in San Diego. If he could bring back a few players in return, one of which was a top prospect, I say do it.

The question is whether or not there is a team out there that is built to win now and feels that giving up the sort of players Florida did back in 2003 would be worthwhile. That is for another post....one which will be titled: Part II.

Swapping Stories: The Urbina trade
The under-appreciated greatness of Adrian Gonzalez

Editor's Note: #1 While searching for pictures I came across a Miami based blog that made the same reference and suggestion that I proposed here.....that's what I get for lagging....I'm publishing it anyways since it's already written. The Miami based writer goes as far as suggesting that Heath Bell should go to Florida for Dan Uggla...check it out. A trade that makes sense for both sides

Editor's Note #2:
Steve Bartman gets a bad rap and the city of Chicago should be ashamed for attacking one of their own, a fella who clearly has passion for the lovable losers. To shun a guy for trying to catch a fly ball...inexcusable....the Cubbies blew that game on their own. Now the guy who introduced Da Curse of the Billy Goat ........ Chicagoans should be getting after that guy's ancestors!

Adrian Gonzalez's HR Derby Performance: Sadly Intertwined With The Buck/Berman/ESPN Love-Fest

I was irritated like never before watching Adrian Gonzalez in the ASG Home Run Derby and it wasn't because of his power outage. This post is essentially the same one I posted at Gaslamp Ball earlier tonight...with a couple of enhancements.

I'll preface this complaint by saying that I am aware that the Home Run Derby is an exhibition within an exhibition that masquerades as something meaningful.......so who really cares.

However:

ESPN's coverage of Adrian's Derby ABs was a complete joke!

It was an uneventful performance that only lasted a shade under five minutes and you wouldn't have even known that Adrian Gonzalez was batting if that idiot Chris Berman hadn't stopped yapping his gums 35 seconds into Adrian's AB.

• First 35 seconds of AGon Derby AB consists of Berman talking about the Cardinals.
  
• AGon intro then lasts 7 seconds followed by quick segue back to Joe Buck.
• Joe Buck says how excited he is to see Adrian's performance in the Derby as well as in the ASG tomorrow because "Adrian Gonzalez is the best player you've never heard of.".......and as the last syllable rolls off of Buck's tongue, Berman jumps all over him with, "What was it like to be Jack Buck's son?".
• The Buck/Berman/Morgan/Phillips Love-Fest went on for the next 4 1/2 minutes while Adrian Gonzalez innocently slapped line drives around Busch. Adrian made his tenth out , took a seat, and toweled off......and then 30 seconds after he had finished, Berman acknowledged that Adrian had actually completed his turn in the competition.

Now if Adrian had started hitting some bombs perhaps the whole Jack Buck Love Fest / "St. Louis Cardinal Nation" History Lesson would have been brought to an end but here's my issue:

Joe Buck told a national audience that Adrian Gonzalez IS the best player you've never heard of and how he couldn't wait to watch him.....and then spent the next 5 minutes looking at the ESPN Desk waxing poetic about the Cardinal's rich history in the Midwest. Anyone on ESPN will also tell you that Adrian IS the best player you've never heard of.......yet they never took the opportunity to talk about him in front of a captive audience.

I'm not really surprised but what a fu@*ing joke!

I'll work on obtaining some email addresses if anyone is inclined to fire off some complaints.

In the meantime here's some YouTube fueled hatred:

Chris Berman's nicknames and HR calls were cool....when I was 12. Now he's a douchey caricature of himself.

This is arguably one of the best plays in Super Bowl history. Would you know it from the Joe Buck call?

Chris Berman and Joe Buck.....dickheads.

The Perils of Being Your Club's Only Offensive Threat

From a new Sports Illustrated article on San Diego's own, Adrian Gonzalez:

A self-made first baseman, Gonzalez does everything right handed except hit and throw. His style is an elegant amalgamation of Southern and Baja California. The way he fields a ground ball, off to the side with one hand, is smooth and instinctive. "That's from Mexico," Gonzalez says. The way he approaches at bats, poring over scouting reports and game tapes, is obsessive. "That's from the United States," he says.

And the way he swings, his bat level through the zone, hands inside the ball? "That," he says, "is from Tony Gwynn."

I first came across this excerpt over at Gaslamp Ball before the SI article had even been published. It sounded like prose, beautifully written. Now it is sounding like more of a jinx. With featured pieces in both Sports Illustrated and USA Today, Adrian's offense continues to plummet as the only real threat in the line-up.....and what's worse? His defense is in shambles. Twice in the Arizona series his "elegant amalgamation of Southern and Baja California" style has led to a couple of really bad errors, none worse than this afternoon, when his miscue led to five runs being pushed across in the bottom of the eighth.

As the Padres' only true offensive threat it's difficult to rest him but Bud Black really should decide if the time has come for Adrian to get a day off?

The Padres are now in the cellar of the NL West and while they are indeed free falling (too obvious) we'll just say the Friars are falling away from me...

Irony: Unknown Slugger Adrian Gonzalez

I have a brother named Edgar...he too plays for the Padres

There is an article in the USA Today for this Monday entitled:

Unknown slugger Gonzalez is among the NL's biggest bats

I was made aware of this article early Saturday morning as I watched the Women's Wimbledon Final trophy presentation to Serena Williams. After the presentation NBC cut from Wimbledon to the studio to apprise their viewers of some additional stories, one of which was the upcoming Adrian Gonzalez story in the USA today. NBC showed the front of the USA Today sports page followed by a slide-show of three Adrian Gonzalez pictures......except picture #2 was not Adrian Gonzalez. It was older brother Edgar.

Does NBC have a keen sense of irony with the use of the Edgar picture and the title of their article, "Unknown slugger Gonzalez is among the NL's biggest bats", or are they just stupid?

I vote the latter.

Alternative Sports on the Tube/Laughing your Ass off/Week in Review/The Future of this Blog

Where to begin? Let's get right to the sport of watching television. In the last three days I've seen three of the funniest things ever---busting my gut, coughing, tears flowing from the eyes. I must share and I don't feel in the least bit guilty that these videos are off of our topic of sports. This is sport!

DATING:
For those who enjoy watching train-wreck television we bring you Daisy of Love. What happens when you lock up a bunch of dudes in a house with an unlimited supply of alcohol and they irresponsibly leave the patio doors wide open? Naturally, a skunk will wander in to house and drunks will try to trap it. What ensues is the funniest shit you will ever see (think Stand By Me during Gordy's tale about Lard-Ass and the pie eating contest.....)

FIGURE SKATING:
I had never seen the Will Ferrell film Blades of Glory and I still haven't. But I did watch one scene and I believe it was the first time they skated together in competition. In searching for a video that best captured the same disaster on ice that I witnessed, I settled on this one. It also has the perfect song to go along with it. Enjoy.

MOTHER LOVING:
This was the Justin Timberlake/Andy Samberg follow up to Dick In A Box. It originally aired a few weeks back for Mother's Day and then I saw it at the beginning of the week.....and then it re-aired last night. Perhaps not as good as D.I.A.B but hilarious none the less...

SDSU AZTECS:
Stephen Strasburg got his first loss of the year on Friday night against Virginia in the opening game of the Irvine Regional. Dude pitched like crap.....gave up two runs.....only struck out 15. At least he went out guns blazing. SDSU was eliminated tonight by the UCI Anteaters who are facing UVA as we write and looking to force another game against the Cavs tomorrow. I'd like to see Irvine representing SoCal in Omaha so we'll throw our support behind the Uncircumcised Penises of UCI. For more on SDSU's season you should go to 619 Sports.

PADRES:
Padres went 3-3 on their road trip this week to maintain their .500 winning percentage. Jake Peavy is still a Padre. Adrian Gonzalez is destroying National League pitching--hit his 20th HR today and The Effect picked up his 15th save after blowing one last night. While there has been talk of when Jake Peavy will be dealt and not if, SI.com's Jon Heyman proposes that the Padres would be much better off dealing Adrian Gonzalez. It pains me to say it but he's right. AG's contract is so cheap relative to his talent (Gold Glover and potential HR leader) that the Friar's could get a boat load for him. Not to mention that we have two 1b prospects as well as the possibility that with the 3rd pick in the draft we might take a kid out of UNC who plays...1b. I'd hate to see him go though.....he's a guy who could end up being like Gwynn: Synonymous with the San Diego Padres. A legitimate retired #....unlike Winfield and Garvey.

In addition to trying to write entertaining blogs I also try to collect and gather other good examples from the field. I came across a great blog by a Twins fan called The Daily Something. Great analysis and a nice little piece on the mystery that is The David Eckstein Love Fest. It's a reasonable question to ask of a player who's hitting .220 but has been described by GM Kevin Towers as our 2009 MVP. I did my best to explain it to him in that blog's comment section....maybe you could add something about the little fella.

More Peavy trade potential as well as the downward spiral of Khalil Greene from SI.com's Jon Heyman.....poor guy. And to think I actually thought that the Padres could have held him until July and sold high...waiting 'til July would have got us a bag of balls and a case of Budweiser from the Cards.

VOTE FOR MANNY:
Other good blogs I came across: It is about the money, stupid and Vote For Manny. Both of which come from a New York blogger named Jason Rosenberg. The former is his primary site and the latter is a little movement to get Manny into the All-Star game. Purpose: to shed light on the stupidity of the whole process as well as to make Bud Selig acknowledge the PED issue as it pertains to Manny being elected while serving a suspension. It's a great idea on many levels the least of which is to show how bogus the selection process is (Suspended player ManRam is running in 4th place so as an OF he needs to move up one spot where as Adrian Gonzalez is running in about 8th place....PEOPLE...He plays in a pitcher's park and has 20 bombs! Do The Right Thing!). I wrote a post on it so go read it and then sit on-line for 10 minutes and cast 25 votes for Manny Ramirez and Adrian Gonzalez. BTW: Manny Ramirez is an unequivocal A--HOLE!

CHARGERS:
SI.com's Jim Trotter writes about some Running Backs who he thinks are on the rebound in '09......take a guess....

NFL NEWS:
A good site for NFL/Entertainment news is FJuice @ nfljuice.com, and it's not just because we got linked from there. If you want a great way to start the day check out Morning Wood....isn't that the way everyday should start?

THE FUTURE:
We have changed our URL and exported all of our posts here. The previous URL is shite and was never intended to be a long term address primarily because we never really intended to do this long term. Anyways, this new address honors San Diego sporting history and will have a post written shortly to explain why we're even doing this.........aside from the fact that all parties involved are somewhat crazy. Await further word, ye Faithful Eleven.

Adrian Gonzalez will make you spill beer

When you have a lead you gotta get after hitters..... but seriously.....why would you ever give Adrian Gonzalez a strike? One blast last night and two tonight....really?

AG is legit, and should NEVER see a strike based on the ground-chuck surrounding him. But thanks anyways Cubs, et al. He's about all we've got so thanks for letting him play. The pride of San Diego.