World Series Preview . . . with a 5 year-old

This is breaking my rule of posting anything over 201 characters but I think it was too good not to publish.

I'll preface this World Series discussion with my daughter by saying that I am guilty of indoctrination. I teach her to love the Padres and Chargers. I teach her to hate (in the context of sport) the Dodgers, Giants, Yankees, Raiders and Patriots. On the Indoctrination Front that's absolutely it. There's no religion, politics, or jingoism. With the exception of choosing teams to root for I believe wholeheartedly in free thinking . . .

Daughter: Daddy, I want one of your Padres bobbleheads.

Me: How about I get you a bobblehead for Christmas.

Daughter: Yes, I want 100!

Me: Well we don't have enough money to get you 100 bobbleheads. But I'll see what I can do.

Daughter: Cool.

Me: But if I get you a bobblehead you have to do something for me. You  have to start watching more baseball.

Daughter: OK. When the season starts.

Me: No. It starts tonight. Game 1 of the Worlds Series. Giants versus the Tigers. The first one to win 4 games in the Champion. Tonight we watch and cheer AGAINST the Giants.

Daughter: Against?

Me: Yes. We're rooting AGAINST the Giants and FOR the Tigers. So we have to root for the Tigers tonight.

Daughter: Because they're America?

Me: Uh . . . yes. Because they're America.

Go Tigers. Do it for 'Merica!

The Fences Are Coming In!

The fences are coming in at PETCO Park. So what does this mean for breakfast on the warning track prior to Sunday games?

@avengingjm Straight from @tomgarfinkel: "It will not affect breakfast." Whew!
— Bernie Wilson (@berniewilson) October 22, 2012

Thank God! It is Sunday breakfast, after all.

What A Disappointment

The 2012 Padres season ended with out me really getting to know her.

The Los Angeles Dodgers: Looking like a whore

As a former writer for the Wall Street Journal and the author of The Extra 2%, Jonah Keri's financial views on the game of baseball are always well worth the read. Keri wrote a great column at Grantland the other day about the financial direction of the Los Angeles Dodgers. With a Gazillion dollar television deal on the horizon Keri wonders, "When you throw every fiscal strategy of the past decade out the window are you crazy . . . or genius?"

It's an interesting read. Ultimately, Keri comes to a conclusion that I don't entirely agree with: that the Dodgers might actually be smart. But it's Keri's Fault! I used the facts he presented to draw my conclusion.


This is the part of Jonah Keri's column where I became giddy:

"The value of this franchise is represented in the price we paid — that doesn't go up or down with one or two players' salaries," said Mark Walter, the Dodgers' principal owner and chairman. Walter was then asked if the Dodgers have a spending ceiling. "Somewhere, I suppose," came his oblique reply. Then, the coup de grace. Someone asked Dodgers president and CEO Stan Kasten about the possibility of butting up against MLB's very punitive luxury tax. "Mark and Magic don't even ask me about that," he said of his bosses' instructions, or lack thereof.

 At first blush the idea that the Dodgers are now like the free-wheeling Yankees is a scary thought. But fear not. The Dodgers are like a rich housewife whose kids are now off at school. She has little to do with her time so she fills the void by shopping. She adds new shoes to an already filled closet of shoes yet she rarely finds the time to wear these expensive accoutrements. The truth is that none of this really matters because she looks like a whore in most of those shoes anyways.

That's the Los Angeles Dodgers in a nutshell: A rich whore spending money on tons of crap for one reason and one reason only . . . she can.

I say keep doing it. Keep paying arms, legs, and shoes for players over 30 you dirty whore of a baseball team!

Go read the article to see every move the Dodgers have made this summer. It's a list of crazy stupid. Which I endorse.

Deciphering a Darren Smith Conversation with Adrian Gonzalez, robot

Yesterday, Darren Smith of XX1090 spoke with Adrian Gonzalez -- native San Diegan and new first baseman for the Los Angeles Dodgers. The interview was insightful on varied levels.

As a dedicated listener to Darren's show, I always marvel at his capabilities as an interviewer. Darren provided a comfortable setting for Adrian to open up to his hometown of San Diego about his time in Boston, putting on the uniform of the enemy in LA, and persisting through the modern world as a robot.


DARREN SMITH: Adrian, as always, a pleasure. Thank you very much for a few minutes

ADRIAN GONZALEZ: Hey. Darren. How are. You. Doing.

Sci Fi Type Beep Cursor Digital Electronic Type Screen Monitor Loop Typing Science Fiction

DS: Have you got use to that yet? Adrian Gonzalez the first baseman for the LA Dodgers?

AG: Yeah. As much. As. You. Can get. Used. To. That's. For Sure. The minute I. Heard. I. Was. Traded. I'm. Used. To. It. As. An. Artificial. Life. Form. I have. The ability. To adapt. More Readily. than my human. Counterparts.

Sci Fi Robot Machine Movement Servo Motors Science Fiction

DS: I was gonna say, 'Hey, congratulations or I was gonna say 'Hey man, I'm sorry it didn't work out.' What do you say to somebody like yourself in this situation?

AG: No. Congratulations. I. Mean. You. Know. We didn't win. Like what. Was. Expected. Of us in. Boston. But. The. Fact. That I. Don't think you can. Say. It. Didn't turn out. Or work out. Again. I am. Showing my. Abilities. As a 21st century. Machine. To Adapt is my. Primary function. Artificial. Intelligence can. Do this. Have you. Seen. The Incredibles?

Sci Fi Beep Button Electronic Science Fiction

DS: When did you first start hearing about the rumors about the possibility and when did you think it was going to become a reality?

AG: Um. Yeah. I mean. Friday. Same thing as. You. Guys. As. Artificial Intelligence. I am not yet. Equipped. To analyze. Predictive models. I. Was surprised. As surprised. As. A. Robot Can. Be.

Sci Fi Computer Screen Readout Digital Display Loop Science Fiction

DS: How surprised are you when you hear this, especially at the tail end of the month of August?

AG: Yeah. No. It's. Definitely. Surprising. The. Day. Before. That. On. Thursday. I. Never would. Have thought. Of it. As I. Mentioned previously. Despite. My. Programming. I was. Surprised. By. Robot. Standards. Anyways.

Sci Fi Computer Screen Readout Digital Display Loop Science Fiction

DS: Could you describe what the experience was like in Boston? I know it's a tough thing to ask and it's a tough thing to answer in 60 seconds or so, but overall, what was the experience like playing for the Red Sox?

AG: It was. A great. Experience. The. Fans. Were. Awesome. The Atmosphere at the. Ball. Park. Playing on the. Road. The. Whole. Red Sox Nation. They were all. Incredible. But. As a. CV-1000 model. Artificial. Human. I don't perform well. At. The. Particular. Line of latitude. Where Boston. Resides. Look at my. History. I have been. The property of. Florida. Texas. And. San. Diego. My. Circuitry. Is best suited. For. Sustainability in. Southern climes. This is really just. Robot 101.

Science Fiction Beep Tube Distortion High 02

DS: Was there anything that you didn't like about it? Was there anything that really didn't seem like a good fit for you?

AG: No. I mean. Personally. I had a. Great. Time. I loved my. Teammates. Except for. Josh. Beckett. He put. Chicken grease. In. My. USB. And airports. Which drastically. Reduced my power. Capabilities. Ironically. The Dodgers acquired. Beckett. As well as a machine. With artificial. Intelligence. I am. Surprisingly. Adept at detecting. Irony. Humans make. Strange choices. When. Large. Amounts. Of. Money. Are at. Their disposal.

 

laughing alien hyenas

DS: Did you take a good look at yourself in that Dodger uniform and what did you think when you put on that Dodger blue?

AG: Oh man. I was so. Excited. Of course. This is a contrived. Response. Written by my. Programmer. While I am in. A. Constant. State. Of evolution. Emotion is still. Very. Difficult. To grasp.

Sci Fi Alarm Device Warning Beeps Science Fiction

DS: Is it weird in any capacity that you do grow up in this area, knowing what the Dodgers mean to this fan base, was that at all bizarre for you, whatsoever, to think about that?

AG: Well I. Mean. You know. It's. We. Uh. Grow. Up. As. A. Fan. And. But. When you get. Into. This business. And you. Play. The. Game. You realize that. The thing that. Matters. Is. Playing to. Win . . . Again. This is. A Difficult question. The circuitry sequencing. In. My. Power Cortex. Does not. Discern. Geographic irregularities. As long. As. Weather. Patterns. Remain constant.

Sci Fi Type Beep Cursor Digital Electronic Type Screen Monitor Loop Typing Science Fiction

DS: When you were a kid (robot) though, growing up here as a Padre fan, what did you think about the Dodgers?

AG: Fernando.Valenzuela. Played. For. The Dodgers. So you always. Follow Fernando. And you. Know. It's the Padres' rival. So. It's. Always. Exciting. While I was. Very. Young. When. Fernandomania. Was. At it's peak. My. Advanced. Processing. Capabilities. Allowed. Me. To understand what. Many humans. Refer to. As. A Phenomenon. My search capabilities. Also indicate. That. Fernando. Played. For. The. Padres. During the. 95-96. Seasons. Padres fans. Should. Love. The Dodgers. I look forward. To their. Adulation when. I return. To. San Diego.

Sci Fi Machine Mechanical Steampunk Gears Movement Science Fiction

DS: So, you never went to Qualcomm Stadium and booed the Dodgers when they would come to town?

AG: Um. You know. I was a. Kid. I mean robot. You. Just go. Watch. Baseball.

 

Sci Fi Alarm Meltdown Warning Danger Loop Science Fiction

Go to XX1090 to listen to the rest of Darren's excellent interview with Adrian Gonzalez, robot. 

The Friday Rumor Mill

If you live in Cox country you are presented with a not-so-unique opportunity tonight. At 5:30 PM you can turn on Padres POV prior to the start of the game in Arizona and have a beer with Bob Chandler, RJ's Fro, and myself.

The Fox program filmed us last month during a Padres and Pints episode we had scheduled with Chandler, the great Padres play-by-play man.

Tune in and watch it. Maybe we'll get invited back like Harry the Heckler who is fast becoming as familiar on FSSD as an SNL show hosted by Alec Baldwin or Tom Hanks.

***
Rumor: Adrian Gonzalez is on his way to the Dodgers.
Truth: The Red Sox put AG on waivers and the Dodgers claimed him. This should be interesting moving forward.

Rumor: People think that the Padres wearing blue uniforms is a stroke of genius.
Truth: Bring back the brown, baby.

Rumor: Jed Gyorko will be in San Diego when rosters expand in September.
Truth: Jed Gyorko will be in San DIego when rosters expand in September. Or he won't.

Rumor: I'm 6'3".
Truth: Measurements indicate that I am actually 6'2 1/4" despite generally telling people I'm a shade under 6'2". No links will be provided.

Tales from AT&T Park: A trip to the restroom

Yesterday I finally linked up the story that chronicled my trip to San Francisco to see the Padres play a three game series at AT&T Park.

Three days in a city like San Francisco while watching three baseball games yields a lot of detail, so much so, that it's nearly impossible to write the entire experience. Here's a very short story about my trip to the bathroom on night one of the series.

The Padres had the lead and Corey Luebke held the Giants in check on an extremely cold Friday evening in the Bay. This would be Luebke's last game before discovering a torn ulnar collateral ligament. But that's not what made me have to pee.

Our seats were out in center field. It was late in the game, the temperature dropping quicker than the passing of each half inning, and a day of drinking in the city had caught up with me.

The closest restroom required me to exit the section, walk 20 yards past the Anchor Steam beer bonanza, and walk down a set of stairs. As I reached the bottom of the stairs I turned left and came upon a rookery of Giants fans.

They collectively stared, confused by the misplaced minority in Padres gear. Only one within the group had the temerity to address my presence, though. He was thin and stood about 6' 4" tall.

As he primed himself to speak he made a face -- a mocking upside down smile, puffing out a pouty lower lip. He then said these words exactly:

"Awwww . . . did someone lose a bet?"

This is not a picture of the 6'4" Giants fan. But it is how he had dressed himself.

I smiled and thought to myself, "Yes. Yes. It is I who lost the bet. I lost. Me. I'm the loser."

But I didn't need to say a word: His appearance was satisfaction enough.

I continued on my way to the AT&T Park commode basking in the glow of not only a Padres lead that would eventually bring a victory but the knowledge that I have a wife who would never let me leave the house looking like that particular Giants fan.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Jersey

In the end of April I took a trip up to San Francisco to watch the Padres take on the Giants. Courtesy of Gaslamp Ball I was allowed to take the Dave Staton jersey along for the ride. Unfortunately I never got around to posting anything about it here at AJM. So without further ado . . .

Here's a snippet from the intro:

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Jersey is a Gaslamp Ball community project that will chronicle the 2012 Padres season through the lives of their greatest fans and an old jersey.

My first trip to Fenway Park culminated with a trip to a seedy gentleman's club and a mad dash during the early morning hours to find Thoreau's Walden Pond. We failed in our quest. It's bound to happen in the midst of a 12-hour bender when one depends on a tollbooth attendant for vital literary information.

What I came to find on that trip, or perhaps what I already knew, was that literature and baseball share an inextricable link . . .

 Go check out the rest of the story here and look in the sidebar at GLB for the other fantastic tales of the SotTJ.

At Vesuvio in North Beach

Talks of the apocalypse were premature

On August 6th, 2012 Anthony Rizzo returned to PETCO Park.

Two days short of his 23rd birthday Rizzo entered his old stomping grounds (These grounds stomped Rizzo. Not the other way around) with the distinction of being one of the hottest hitters in the game. Coming off a monster July Anthony Rizzo's numbers through 33 games with the Cubs looked like this:

Click it! Sh*t is tiny!

With 9 HRs and an OPS a shade under .900, Padres fans screamed, "We always trade away our golden gods!!!" 
They didn't actually say that. I made that up based on a variation of what Padres fans do say and Cameron Crowe's film Almost Famous in which Billy Crudup jumped off a roof into a pool proclaiming himself to be a Golden God. But that is neither here nor there. The point remains: fans were not happy to see Rizzo's success while Andrew Cashner* sat idle on the mend from an oblique injury.

*Disgruntled fans also made the Rizzo/Alonso comparison and will continue to do so. Forever . . .

But Petco Park happened to Rizzo and he cooled during the most humid month in San Diego's recorded history*. Rizzo went 1 for 12 with 3 strikeouts and the Cubs were swept out of San Diego.

*I can't substantiate this. My crude measurements are based on the frequency in which I sweat through my t-shirts in places other than the armpits.

Anthony Rizzo is now 23. Since he entered PETCO on August 6th the first baseman's journeys to the plate have yielded the following:

Click it! Sh*t is tiny!

It was @Ducksnorts who pointedly noted this Anthony Rizzo cooling trend yesterday on Twitter. As I look out to my patio, watching an ever so slight breeze affecting the local flora, I am provided pieces of hope.

Hope: That as Anthony Rizzo cools and Yonder Alonzo grows, talks of an apocalypse will subside for a time.

Hope: That Andrew Cashner shall soon return to fill out the rotation and start more than three games before succumbing to injury.

Hope: That, this is a one t-shirt day.

Chase Headley: Nearly in exclusive company

 John Fay is the Reds beat writer for the Cincinnati Enquirer. I don't follow him. But I do follow Derrick Goold who writes for the St. Louis Post Dispatch and he re-tweeted the following:

Bruce, Pujols, Miguel Cabrera are only players in the major leagues with at least 30 doubles, 25 home runs and 75 RBI #reds
— John Fay (@johnfayman) August 20, 2012

As of this afternoon Chase Headley has 23 doubles, 20 home runs and 76 RBI all while playing half of his games in PETCO Park. Chase Headley is not in exclusive company . . . but he's pretty damn close.

With a big game tonight, wait . . . is tonight's game in PETCO or PNC Park?

Never mind.

Mendoza Line blogging

The most difficult thing about blogging is to produce quality posts with frequency. It's not easy. Having said that,  I really have no idea what I'm batting using the aforementioned criteria. I'm certain that I'm above the Mendoza Line but for all I know I might just be the 2011 version of Ryan Ludwick. Maybe the 2012 version of Cameron Maybin? Maybin did go 4 for 5 yesterday  . . . I might be pumping myself up a bit much.

The easiest thing about blogging is to have an opinion: We all have one. We want these opinions to be heard because for some inexplicable reason sports mean a great deal to us. Whether these thoughts are expressed over beers with our buddies or through an avenue such as this one right here, we want to be heard. Sometimes in our zeal to express opinions we don't take the time to gather vital information that can illuminate the context of a given situation. By "we", I mean "me".

Last week I was writing a piece about Adrian Gonzalez and the drama unfolding in Boston. I tried to ask some folks who've been closer to A-Gon over the years for some opinions on the matter. At the time I was more interested in hitting the publish button than incorporating any possible dissenting opinions to the post in question. Ultimately I clicked the publish button before any outside thoughts returned to me.

I still have the opinion that Adrian Gonzalez could have displayed better leadership skills at points during his career in San Diego but I don't know that it's fair that I go-off on the guy. What the hell do I know? Without divulging anything that I was told in confidence, it certainly sounds like Boston is a miserable place to be right now.

I enjoyed Adrian's time in San Diego and I still wear a jersey with his surname stitched on the back*. I wish him the best of luck moving forward.

*This particular jersey has far more issues than the fact it is carrying Adrian Gonzalez' name on the back of it... it's a 2009 replica jersey. And it's freaking blue!

Sometimes You Don't Bat: Reflections on Ross Ohlendorf and Carlton Loewer

On Friday evening the Padres dropped the opening game of their series against the San Francisco Giants by a score of 10-1. 

I was in attendance viewing the carnage up close and personal courtesy of Ma AJM. The third inning of this game, featuring the exploits of Ross Ohlendorf, was absolutely brutal. But I don't need to tell you this. You know Ross Ohlendorf. You know brutal.

How bad was the Ohlendorf Performance? By Saturday morning the right-hander would be on his way to Tucson. The Ohlendorf Performance could be measured in yet another way, as well. While he gave up 8 ER in 2.1 innings, Ross Ohlendorf also failed to get a plate appearance during the game. I suppose it happens when you open the flood gates.

As PETCO Park flooded with water and fans screamed for their lives as they headed to higher ground I formulated a question. When was the last time a Padre pitcher started a game and failed to get a plate appearance?

I'm pretty sure I had never seen such an event in person. Luckily we have Baseball-Reference.com which can help answer such questions.

Since 1969 a Padres pitcher has failed to record a Plate Appearance 261 times. The Padres have played 6,963 games in their history. You do the math. It's a fairly rare event.

Unfortunately Baseball-Reference.com is so amazing in their capabilities that they are only willing to give readers a partial list from their extensive searches -- they would like $36/annually. It's a reasonable price to pay to nerd-out on baseball but it's not a price I'm willing to pay at this moment.

So what does the partial list look like? BBR released occurrences 10-20 to me which fell within the following date range: September 14th, 2008 - May 28th, 2003.

Points of Interest

Occurence #10

On September 14th, 2008, Cha-Seung Baek failed to get a plate appearance after throwing 37 pitches in 2 innings. Injury? Or the Cha-Seung-Terribleness?

The Giants beat the Padres 8-6 in a game that also saw Mike Adams, Heath Bell, and Trevor Hoffman take the hill. Good ol' Dirk Hayhurst took the loss when he gave up 2ER in 0IP.

Other beauties on the ignominious list:

Jack Cassel: Brother of Kansas CIty Chiefs QB, Matt Cassel (September 22nd, 2007).

Clay Hensley: Current Giants reliever. From my seat on Friday night I could have hit him in the back with an ice cube (May 2nd, 2007).

Chris Young pulled of the feat twice in 2006 (August 20th and May 24th).

On Sptember 20th, 2005 Woody Williams gave up 9R (8ER) at Coors Field en route to a 20-1 loss. Sean Burroughs also logged 1 IP in this game. He pitched as well as he hit.

Earlier in the 2005 season, Brian Lawrence (September 2nd) and Tim Redding (May 8th), took part in blow-outs without logging a PA.

On July 13th, 2003, Adam Eaton pitched a game where he failed to touch the batter's box. I always liked Adam Eaton on account of having seen his debut in person.

But it is occurrences 19 (June 7th, 2003) and 20 (May 28th, 2003) that are my favorite. They were both logged by Carlton Loewer in what appears to be . . . back-to-back starts! Wait, wait, wait. Research indicates that there was one start in between those two clunkers, where Loewer recorded a win.


Carlton Loewer arrived in San Diego along with Adam Eaton as part of the Andy Ashby trade in November of 1999.

Across 2 seasons (2001 and 2003), Carlton Loewer started 7 games for the Padres. His last game in the major leagues was on June 7th, occurrence #19 on our list. Poor guy didn't even get to bat and then it was all over.

Will Ross Ohlendorf go the way of Carlton Loewer? As much as I've busted the guy's chops I certainly hope not. Everyone deserves a plate appearance.

If someone has a subscription to BBR and wants to get me the rest of the information I'd appreciate it greatly. It's a morbid curiosity.

[UPDATE]

Ducksnorts has provided us with the full list of 261 occurrences along with the Padres career leader board. There have been 98 different Padres pitchers to have started a game and not record a plate appearance.

Interestingly enough, the first Padres pitcher to do it (April 27th, 1969) was a guy named . . . Podres.

And, Good Grief! The all time leader (12 games started without recording a PA) was Bill Greif.

Cuckoo for Nick Canepa: Assumptions and false narratives

This morning MLB owners approved the Padres sale from John Moores to the O'Malley/Fowler/Mickelson group. Last evening Nick Canepa wrote a column called, Padres appear headed in right direction. It made me say, "Cuckoo." . . .

For the most part the column wasn't bad. Canepa advocated retaining CEO and President, Tom Garfinkel, with which I wholeheartedly agree (I'll say something about the Garfinkel Situation later). Canepa also said other stuff. I hate to nitpick but I come undone when I read confounding ideas, and all it takes is one. To wit:

Byrnes reminds me a bit of former GM Kevin Towers. After former boss Jeff Moorad fired Towers, I wrote Moorad’s first major decision would be the worst he would make as an owner. I wasn’t wrong. Moores, who still had controlling interest in the team, shouldn’t have allowed it to happen.

Oh yes Nick, I remember. I believe it was October of 2011 when you last referenced this sentiment and I skewered your column for it.

But there wasn't just one confounding idea. There were at least two! Canepa would go on to write his next puzzling tidbit in the subsequent paragraph:

But that’s baseball. Towers is doing fine in Arizona. And, after making the decision to replace KT with Jed Hoyer — another mistake, not because Hoyer was ill-equipped, just a bad fit here — Moorad made it right in naming Byrnes GM after Hoyer bailed to take on the unenviable (but more lucrative) task of trying to put the Cubs back together again.  

Cuckoo. I'm going to try and work this one out. Here it goes . . .

Jed Hoyer was not ill-equipped to take a job as GM of the Padres. This means that he was equipped to take a job as GM of the Padres. Yet another way to say it would be to write that he was qualified, prepared or ready.

So if Jed Hoyer was qualified for the job of general manager then why on earth was he a bad fit in San Diego?

I'm relying on a thesaurus now.

If you are fit then one could say that you are competent. Or, qualified. Or, prepared. Or even, ready.

But if you are a bad fit then you are the opposite of fit, which means you are incapable. At least that's what the thesaurus says: Incapable is the antonym for fit. And since Jed Hoyer was a bad fit in San Diego I am left to assume that Nick Canepa believes that Jed was simultaneously incapable and qualified. 'Tis a conundrum we have here.

The reader is left to assume what Nick Canepa is talking about. Since I am someone who is dialed in to the local baseball scene I am going to make an assumption which may be totally off-base.

I think Canepa is trying to convey that while Jed Hoyer was qualified and ready to become a GM in major league baseball he was not suited for the job in San Diego. Jed came from large market Boston where the pockets were deep and perhaps Canepa feels that he didn't have the proper mindset to operate on a shoestring budget in small market San Diego. Does that sound reasonable?

It doesn't sound reasonable when you consider that Jed Hoyer focused heavily on the draft (a place where small market teams can exploit available talent at relatively modest cost) and also emphasized building a club that could use PETCO Park to its advantage. Using PETCO to its advantage means building a strong rotation and bullpen along with defense and speed which are all relatively inexpensive attributes when juxtaposed with free-agent power hitters. It kind of sounds like Jed Hoyer understood what it meant to build a club in small market San Diego and maybe he was . . . a good fit?

This isn't a defense of Jed Hoyer. He's gone. Whatever.

I wrote this because Nick Canepa makes no sense. When I write things I always re-read them to see if it makes sense. Sometimes my ideas are not coherent. So I go back and fix what I wrote. Sometimes it still doesn't make sense and I say, "Too bad, you're reading this for free!"

I tried to figure out what Nick said. I offered an idea. And then I debunked myself and quite possibly Nick. I'm pretty sure it's what Nick Canepa meant and all I can think is: He sure displays an amazing commitment to a false narrative.

Where art thou, Tim Sullivan?

Adrian Gonzalez stages a coup - I laughed and you can too!

The current MLB story capturing headlines here, here, and here is the dysfunction within the Boston Red Sox organization and the role of Adrian Gonzalez in said dysfunction. I offered a couple of opinions via twitter:

I find the whole Red Adrian-Gonzalez-Bobby-Valentine-Red-Sox-Implosion to be so satisfying. I don't root for failure but this is pretty cool
— Avenging Jack Murphy (@AvengingJM) August 15, 2012

Many bosses are dicks. But you put your nose to the grindstone and you work -- it's what you're FUCKING paid to do!. #redsox #adriangonzalez
— Avenging Jack Murphy (@AvengingJM) August 15, 2012

Some people wondered why Padres fans even care about Adrian Gonzalez. Others commented on our wickedness as we reveled in the failures of others. I was prepared to have some good ol' fashioned fun at the expense of all those who've failed and had mocking fingers pointed at them. This post was going to be an apology letter of sorts: An apology to all the people/organizations I've ever thoroughly enjoyed seeing fail.


I'd begin with the fall of Kenneth Lay in the aftermath of the Enron scandal and then move on to Osama Bin Laden's body guards on that fateful night in Pakistan. I mean that shit made me real happy. But Adrian Gonzalez isn't evil. And some folks don't have keen senses of humor. The former Padres first baseman doesn't deserve to be lumped in with the likes of the above scumbags. What then does Adrian Gonzalez deserve, if anything at all?

Let's begin with my perception of Adrian Gonzalez. I loved Adrian's swing, enough so, that I bought a jersey with his name on the back*. I'm a baseball fan and I enjoyed watching the guy play baseball, honing his craft in our very own backyard. I even enjoyed watching him do it in Boston last year. But I also find Adrian Gonzalez terribly dull. A lack of charisma however, is hardly a crime.

*As I acquire years of service time as part of the human race, years of service that surpass a good many active ballplayers, it may be I who is guilty of the crime. Let's discuss this another time.

I also don't think much of Adrian Gonzalez as a leader. My perception is shaped by his many complaints about PETCO Park's dimensions and his comments to a Chicago reporter when the Padres were in the midst of their epic 2010 collapse.

In regards to the park complaints I think a leader would keep his mouth shut. If a naturally gifted hitter like Adrian complains about the park what does it say to the other players on the team? Does it not embolden them to complain also? I understand that PETCO is a frustrating place to play but a leader would lead. As Tom Hanks famously said in Saving Private Ryan: "Gripes go up. Not down." Leaders quietly take it to management. They don't grumble to the press or to others in the clubhouse.

In September of 2010, as the Padres spun out of control and gave up an insurmountable lead to the San Francisco Giants, a reporter from Chicago asked Adrian about playing for the Cubs in the windy city one day. During a pennant race, Adrian made the error of entertaining the question. The more appropriate response: Be yourself . . . be dull! But Adrian couldn't resist responding. Adrian wanted to be in the big market where the dollars were plentiful, and his baseball numbers weren't diminished by a cavernous ballpark. Maybe those desires are fair. They are certainly not valid concerns when competing for a championship though.

Speaking of fairness: Am I being unfair? I very well may be unfair in my assessment but in issues of perception fairness rarely counts. Adrian Gonzalez may have performed 100 acts that demonstrated amazing leadership and set the best example possible for younger Padres -- but I don't recall any of them. What I do remember is the two accounts described above. Those incidents shape my perception and consequently those perceptions become reality.

Adrian Gonzalez spent his last years in San Diego playing for Bud Black, the consummate player's manager. He then moved on to Boston where he played under the stewardship of Terry Francona, another reputed player's manager. Adrian had praise heaped upon him by national media and he was rewarded with over $150M by the Boston Red Sox. Things were going well. And then only a year after the 2010 Padres collapse the Red Sox unraveled too. As the season ended Adrian would go on to complain about playing nationally televised games on Sunday nights and the travel demands those games entailed. He would also opt to attribute the Red Sox failure to God rather than accepting accountability.

Now as news spreads that it was Adrian Gonzalez who organized what amounts to a coup I like the guy a little bit less. I look at him and the Boston predicament and I shake my head. I shake my head at a guy who earns $21M a year and uses that clout to organize an effort to get the manager of a very fractured clubhouse dismissed. By all accounts, Bobby Valentine is a complete dick, but such are the perils of employment where we we often have little choice but to shut our mouths and put the nose to the grindstone. But apparently Adrian Gonzalez disagrees. And now he's just a lunatic trying to run the asylum.

***
These aren't sour grapes from a Padres fan who no longer has the lefty's production but the opinions of a baseball fan in general. Because Adrian was here from 2006-2010 I feel like I can give a qualified opinion. Do I wish failure for Adrian Gonzalez? Absolutely not. I always want to see local guys do well no matter where they play. His baseball abilities are phenomenal to watch. Perhaps my expectations of him as a leader are too much but I think that at a rate of $21M a year it's an intangible that should be part of the multi-million dollar package.

Peter O'Malley, on the record

With MLB owners set to meet this week, Padres fans will be able to definitively claim that their team has owners and they are led by the family O'Malley.

With this scenario a virtual lock I thought I would share with you some thoughts from Peter O'Malley, a primer of sorts as Padres fans transition into an era of unabashed hope:

"I believe salaries are at their peak. It's quite possible some owners will trade away, or even drop entirely, players who expect $200,000 salaries. There is no way clubs can continue to increase salaries to the level some players are talking about."

Huh, wut?

Just kidding. Well I'm not kidding about the quote -- Peter O'Malley did share those words on the record. But he did so in 1971 as President of the Los Angeles Dodgers.

How do I know this? It's written on page 242 of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Takes a swing at Baseball. True Story. I bought this book for my brother a few years back, a Christmas present perhaps. You place it next to your toilet and you read it while your system regains regularity.

You see, I'm house sitting and taking care of his crazy little dog. In an effort to regulate myself during the AM hours, I took a seat and began to read. The first page I opened to was about Dock Ellis' LSD induced no hitter thrown against the Padres back in 1970. The next page I flipped to was a quote from Peter O'Malley. I'm hesitant to do it, but poor form be damned, here it goes: That Peter O'Malley sure didn't know crap about the future.

Let's hope that the O'Malley group spends in 2012 and beyond and that they do it wisely.

Chase Headley: Durable destroyer of modern cities

With all of the fawning over Chase Headley's recent performance in Godzilla Destroys Tokyo After The All-Star Break, The Common Man of The Platoon Advantage makes an astute observation regarding our giant reptilian third baseman after last night's performance in Atlanta:

Padres: Chase Headley, 2-4, HR, R, 2 RBI
More than his power surge and his incredible productivity in 2012, TCM is really impressed by Headley's durability.  Aside from last year, when he broke his finger and was out for more than a month, Headley has played 524 of a possible 531 games since coming up in June of 2008.

 Ahhh, June of 2008. I remember it well. Old Yankee Stadium. The Padres swept out of the park. But you know what else happened that weekend? Chase Headley arrived for good. And he hit a HR*. Chase Headley is not only a destroyer of balls and island cities, he's a durable one at that.

*And I saw it in person. I'm a moderately better fan than you. With less money too.

I don't read a lot of baseball blogs on the internet outside of the Padres-centric ones. There's not enough time. But I do make one frequent stop to The Platoon Advantage. It's a general baseball blog written by die-hard fans of the game who also contribute to Baseball Prospectus. I recommend you put it on your daily reading list.

While the Padres are extending guys not named Chase Headley, allow me to opine

This has been a strange summer.

The Padres sucked upon admittance to the warm season and now we sweat beads of optimism as we push through August. Strange.

As fans expected trades to color our summer the Padres have instead extended a core of players: Carlos Quentin, Huston Street, and now veteran clubhouse presence/role player type, Mark Kotsay.

Since the Padres are extending players not named Chase Headley allow me to make a suggestion . . .


I ask you first to read the following quotes:

"Understanding there's still growth to come makes what he's doing even scarier. He's so advanced right now, especially with the bat. He takes great swings. He has power from both sides of the plate. But the thing I appreciate the most is he's willing to listen and learn."

Hmm. Whose words are these? And of who does he speak?

"He wants to improve. After the first game he played, he asked me if he was setting up too early. He's asking about how to talk to pitchers to get them going the right way. He's open to advice. He doesn't think he knows it all, which is a huge asset to someone so young. Some young players who advance to the big leagues so fast feel like they know it all. That's his biggest asset . . . his capability to learn and understand and process information quickly and translate that into a baseball game. I think he's way advance (sic) beyond players his age."

I get the sense that you're an intelligent person. So you know who this quote is about and you probably have a decent idea of who said it. Let me give you a little more.

"The first thing I said about him in Spring Training after watching him swing the bat and catch a few bullpens was that I thought this guy was going to be an All-Star in the Big Leagues. It's just a matter of time."

Alright let's dispense with the quotes. Finalize your guesses. And continue reading . . .

These quotes appeared in Corey Brock's article, The Fast Track, in Issue #08 of the 2012 Blue Print.

The cover boy for Issue #08 was Yasmani Grandal and the above commentary was provided by . . .  if you guessed catcher John Baker then you're smarter than a guy who calls himself Ochocinco instead of Ochenta y Cinco to signify his football number.

While I have no problem denigrating the name of Chad Johnson/Ocho Cinco I'm not here to disparage Nick Hundley who may very well be a fantastic teammate. The problem with Nick Hundley however, is that he's a 28 year-old guaranteed $7M through the 2014 seasons. I don't know it with certainty but I  have to imagine that Nick still fancies himself as a starter more than he does a mentor to the youngster Yasmani Grandal. But it is Grandal who is a part of the future not Hundley.

When we look at the words of John Baker we see a guy who understands his role, a guy who knows that Grandal is the future, yet still wants to serve as his mentor. Baker went to Cal Berkley which means that, while he might smell like patchouli oil, he's definitely intelligent. Moving forward, I think that he and Grandal would make a fine team.

John Baker currently earns $750K and he's arbitration eligible. The Padres need to act now. Don't let Baker even get to arbitration. If Tom Garfinkel gives Baker a sales pitch with Huston Street standing over his right shoulder it's a done deal -- Baker will take the league minimum!

***

In all seriousness: I think Chase Headley will get an extension this winter and Nick Hundley will be traded. I also think the Padres would be wise to keep John Baker around to back up Yasmani Grandal. I'm not saying he deserves a full No Trade Clause, just that we shouldn't discriminate against catchers from Berkley who may, or may not, smell like they once made a living selling Jerry Bear t-shirts during Grateful Dead tours.

On a winning streak? Know your cliches

The other day I read a cliche from a Padres game report that would have made Kevin Costner's Crash Davis proud. It was Crash Davis who counseled a young fire-balling hurler named Nuke LaLoosh on how to properly interact with the media while on a long bust ride through the South Atlantic League.

As Nuke put pen to paper he commented to his mentor, "Pretty boring."

To which Crash replied,  "Of course it's boring, that's the point. Write it down."

With the Padres on a 7-2 run over the last 10 days let's take a look at some of the week's most memorable cliches.



Friday 8/3/12
Padres 3, Mets 1

It all began on a Friday night.

"R.A. Dickey's a very good pitcher. ... We weren't having much success against him," Quentin said. "But we found a way to get runs on the board." 

Carlos Quentin provides a small glimpse of what it takes to grind out 162 games: Find a way! That's how you get an extension.


Saturday 8/4/12
Mets 6, Padres 2

The Padres drop a game to the Mets. How will the young winning pitcher respond?

 "We'll see what happens, but I just try to go out and give 100 percent." 

After the Mets bounced back to take game two of the series Mets starting pitcher, and former Padres farmhand, Jeremy Hefner shared the proper mindset of a rookie pitcher: Give it your all!

Sunday 8/5/12
Padres 7, Mets 3

"I just tried to go out there and execute my game plan," Marquis said. "I think it's crucial to go deep into the game every time I pitch. ... Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't, but today was a good day for it, to let the bullpen get the rest it needed." 

This is textbook. Jason Marquis is a veteran who can seamlessly weave together the perfect combination of deference and mental balance one needs to make it through 162 games.

"I got some quick outs and the defense did a good job," Marquis said. "And we got some runs on the board, which made it a little bit easier."

Jeremy Hefner would do well to study Jason Marquis and his masterful command of the English language.

Monday 8/6/12
Padres 2, Cubs 0

The Padres have now won 3 of 4 games. This is not a streak. But it is a nice little run. Padres catcher Eddy Rodriguez homered in his first AB against the Reds during the previous week and then he was behind the plate for a shutout.

"They were easy to catch, all I had to do was put a finger down and they were making unbelievable pitches the entire game. ... I'm just out there to get them through those nine innings and get us a win."  

Who tutored this guy up at Lake Elsinore? That's High A baseball. Excellent work, rookie. Excellent work.

Tuesday 8/7/12
Padres 7, Cubs 4

The Padres have won 3 in a row and 4 of 5 which officially qualifies as a streak. Perhaps the Padres took the advice of Crash Davis when he said, "Never fuck . . . with a winning streak"

There were no cliches of note after this game.

Wednesday 8/8/12
Padres 2, Cubs 0

The Padres, after winning their 4th game in-a-row, and 5 out of 6, have little to say. But the Cubs' Darwin Barney puts it all in perspective:

"There were some situations we could've capitalized on, and didn't, and you have to tip your hat to a guy for finishing the game." 

Tipping the cap. Sound familiar? That's Bud Black's go-to cliche.

Friday 8/10/12
Padres 9, Pirates 8
That's 5 in-a-row for the San Diego nine. After an exciting come-back win, which saw Chase Headley knock two out of PNC Park, the third baseman had the following to say:

"... We've played well here, and you just take it one game at a time and you can't think about that. When we win it's another game, and we just focus on that."

Chase Headley is in a comfort zone with the bat. And his cliches. Chase models the proper demeanor to the young guys on the club -- extend him already!

Saturday 8/11/12
Padres 5, Pirates 0

After their 6th win in-a-row the crafty veteran Jason Marquis, who took a no-hitter into the 7th inning, said the following

"It was very important to get the complete game," Marquis said. "You always want to finish what you start.

Nobody ever finishes what they start these days. A good example, that Jason Marquis.

Sunday 8/12/12
Pirates 11, Padres 5

After taking a commanding 5-0 lead in the 2nd inning, the whole thing unraveled when the Pirates scored 9 runs in the 4th. The streak came to an end but would the cliches?

"I was just trying to put a barrel on the ball, and do something to at least get one run in, or to keep it going," Barmes said. 

Clint Barmes has been around a while and he knows what's important: Just try to help the team. What about the Padres? What do they have to say now that the little winning streak has snapped on the road?

"If you've been around this game long enough you run into those innings where everything they do works and everything you try to do doesn't," Black said.

How very fitting that Bud Black close out the week with the all important, "Shit happens", cliche. Shit does happen and Bud Black is wise to let his young team know it.

Let's see how they bounce back tonight in Atlanta.

Deciphering a Jed Hoyer catch phrase with Darren Smith

Jed Hoyer returned to San Diego this week with his struggling Chicago Cubs, losers of five straight. At the conclusion of their series with the Padres the streak would stand at eight. During the middle of the debacle Hoyer took time to speak with Darren Smith of XX1090.

I always enjoyed the weekly spots Jed Hoyer did with Darren during his tenure as GM of the Padres but I think I enjoy his occasional visits as Cubs GM even more. Jed's aware that he needs to be careful with what he says to the press yet he always produces intelligent responses despite the inner workings of the clouded human mind. As I noted back in January, what Jed says doesn't always jibe with what Jed thinks.

One of the things you'll notice is that when being interviewed By Darren Smith, Jed Hoyer will often say,

"That's a great question."

Hey,  Darren asks great questions. He's a professional. But Hoyer's catch phrase is more about buying himself time than it is about complimenting Mr. Smith. The phrase gives him just enough time to provide a nuanced answer.

Here's what was going through Jed Hoyer's mind on Tuesday as he said, "That's a great question."


Darren's Question: 

"Do you get the sense that Cubs fans feel like they expect their team to lose or do they expect their team to win"

Jed's Catch Phrase: 

"That's a great question."

Jed's Stream of Consciouness:

Steady, steady. Play this one right. Hope Solo said all the wrong things during the Olympics and she was crucified for it. Brandi Chastain's sport-bra. 1999 World Cup. Soccer's a great sport. I enjoy swimming. Call Me Maybe. Deep Dish pizza is not good. Don't say that! Ramble on this one, ramble. The internet is world wide. Chicagoans will hear this in Illinois. They'll hear it in SD. This park was full of Cubs fans during the last home series of 2010. Italian beef sandwiches. Distract. Misinformation. Tie it to the Red Sox.

Jed's Answer:

"[blah, blah, blah, bunch of comparisons to the Red Sox and growing up in New England, blah, blah, blah]... In Chicago there's been long stretches of not being good. People say, 'You don't understand, it can't be done.' I think for us it fuels the fire. Of course it can be done. We're gonna build this thing the right way. We're gonna build a team that sustains success. The Cubs have made the playoffs six times since 1945. You think about it, that's once every 13 years.

AJM's Grade:

 Excellent job filibustering by the Cubs GM. When ever you can tie an answer like this to the Red Sox and their historical woes you're bound to make tough luck Cubbie fans feel a sense of hope. Speaking of Hope. Not mentioning her stripping down to her sports bra, a la Brandi Chastain,  in the event of a U.S. gold medal was also probably wise.

***

Darren's Question: 

"Do you think he'd [Anthony Rizzo] have that kind of success if he were still playing here?"

Jed's Catch Phrase: 

"That's a great question."

Jed's Stream of Consciousness:

F*ck. No, mind. Do not censor your/mine/our thoughts. Say it. F*ck! Why does my mind keep doing that? I have free will. Hope Solo's sports bra. Be careful. Don't diminish Anthony Solo's accomplishments thus far. Rizzo. Rizzo. Rizzo. Frank Rizzo. Should I bring my f*ckin tools? More censorship. Chick-fil-A. Chick. Hope Solo. Undergarments. Stop. Anthony Rizzo is a winner. Things are going to go his way. Ah, Beck's "Loser". I loved 1993. Hope Solo. Anthony Rizzo. Use the psychology aspect.

Jed's Answer: 

"I think change of scenery can be a powerful thing. I certainly do think there is a PETCO effect that can get in guys heads. He's hit a lot of homers on the road. He's hit a lot of ball really hard. But you know, maybe of his nine homers three or four don't go out here. And I think that does get in your head."

AJM's Grade:

Good save by Jed. With everything that appeared to be clouding his mind just about anything could have spilled out of his mouth. Another wise move not working Hope Solo into this answer. With a bigger press corps in Chicago it would only lead to questions of competency. A very measured response. A response that gives the appearance that at the very least Anthony Rizzo will continue to have moderate success at the big league level.

The mind is an amazing thing. What we think and when we think it -- it's a wonder we ever even produce a cogent thought to be expressed orally.

In addition to the comedic effect and the allusions to a half-naked Hope Solo victory celebration this was a great interview. Later in the interview, Jed Hoyer gave insights into the change of ownership and why Ron Fowler's involvement is a good thing. Check it out.

August 8th, 2012: More configurations of 8

Yesterday I chronicled all Padres games taking place on the 8th of August dating back to 8/8/8, the birth of daughter AJM.

I found many coincidences involving the number 8 and concluded that Chase Headley and my daughter are cosmically linked, therefore he must never be traded and a statue commemorating his presence should be built beginning . . . well yesterday (8/8/12) would be perfect.

Here are some more whacky configurations of 8, in the Padres game that took place on 8/8/12.

Entering yesterday's game, which took place EXACTLY 4 years after 8/8/8 the following happened between the Padres and Cubs . . .

At game time there was an 8mph wind blowing from left to right.

Clayton Richard got the start. To begin the day he had 8 wins.

Jeff Samardjia got the nod for the Chicago Cubs. He was going for his 8th win. As a batter he saw 9 pitches, 8 of which were strikes.

San Diego exile, Anthony Rizzo also saw 8 strikes. He was 1 for 4 with a K. And it was his birthday. Anthony Rizzo was born on 8/8/89 which was exactly one year after the Cubs played their very first game under the lights at Wrigley Field (8/8/88).

Cubs 3B Josh Vitters saw 8 pitches all day. That's two pitches per/AB. Nice work rookie.

Cubs catcher Wellington Castillo saw 8 pitches in one at bat during the 4th inning.

Padre lead-off hitter Alexi Amarista started in CF (field position #8). There are 8 letters in his last name. His AB in the bottom of the 3rd lasted 8 pitches.

Clayton Richard batted 3 times and saw 8 pitches. While pitching he produced 71 strikes. Only 8 were swinging strikes. During the 7th inning he threw 8 pitches en route to a 1-2-3 inning.

Chase Headley needed 8 strikes to go 2 for 3 with a run scored.

The Padres had 8 ABs with runners in scoring position leading to 2 runs.

In the bottom of the 7th Logan Forsythe, who has 8 letters in his last name, saw 8 pitches from Jeff Samardzija. He struck out.

Chris Denorfia scored the Padres second run. He did it in the bottom of the 8th inning.

The Padres won 2-0 sweeping the Cubs in the 3 game series. It was the Cubs 8th loss in-a-row.

Clayton Richard moved off of his 8th win of the year to improve his record to 9-11. Ross Ohlendorf, who pitched the day before, presumably held the clip board and charted pitches for Richard. It was Ross Ohlendorf's birthday (8/8/82).

When Jeff Samardjia goes for his 8th win in 5 days . . . the Cubs will still suck.

***
Jason Bartlett is still wearing number 8. There were reports of him being sighted wandering the stands on Tuesday.


Yesterday I wrote that Chase Headley was the only member of the current 25 man roster still on the team from 8/8/8 and that Nick Hundley was the only other 8/8/8 player still in the organization. Last night Eddy Rodriguez was optioned to Tucson and Hundley was recalled. Nick Hundley's birthday is on the 8th. Of September.